S05.E15: Second Honeymoons

[JocelynCavanaugh]

30 minutes ago, KateHearts said:

where is she peddling her business?  I haven't seen that. I thought she worked in a hospital (she's a dietitian).

I thought so too. It must not be on the actual show, or else she's failing miserably!

[gonecrackers]

39 minutes ago, KateHearts said:

8 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

With the way she's used this to peddle her business I'm going for the latter.

where is she peddling her business?  I haven't seen that. I thought she worked in a hospital (she's a dietitian).

I responded on the SM thread if interested.

[Gem 10]

22 hours ago, 27bored said:

I agree, but I don't know who I'm more annoyed at: Cody for not realizing this or Danielle for not articulating it properly. While I can understand what Danielle wants and I don't think she's necessarily a bad person for wanting it, I do think she's a little deluded, for a couple of reasons. One: she went on a show to paired with a stranger to marry for eight weeks. You have to be open to go against the grain if you're really interested in making this experiment work. Two: there's nothing wrong with having a type, per se, but getting the right kind of guy doesn't mean it's going to make for a good relationship, and given Danielle said one of her exes was a guy's guy who cheated on her for years, you'd think she would understand that. Three: even if Cody isn't exactly her type, Danielle hasn't shown much by way of -- I don't know, appreciation? -- for the fact that this guy is trying to make her happy. She's spent so much time critiquing him that she's missing the fact that it's says a lot that a man is going to go to such lengths for her happiness, so if you're not feeling it, just let the guy keep some of his dignity and go on his way. Grinning and bearing it might seem nice, but in reality it's not respectable at all. Four: Cody doesn't have the exact qualities she wants, but...she also doesn't seem interested in the qualities he does have. He's won almost no points in eight weeks for trying, which is a little telling for Danielle.

Lastly, and it's a point that I haven't seen many people bring up: Danielle doesn't seem like the type of girl who guy's guys would want to engage with. Danielle doesn't try to make herself seem feminine or sexy or flirty. She dresses down a lot. She has a fakey way with most of her interactions, and we don't see her interact with many people outside of Cody. She's the type of woman a guy might notice, but I doubt many guys would waste their time with her. That sounds harsh, but I'm saying, having an attractive personality cuts both ways, and Danielle has a formal, detached disposition most of the time. I don't know if she would switch up if Cody was more her type, is my point.

I did a quick Google search on Cody and found out, as expected, he was a fat kid (his words). He kind of has that mentality: eager to please, constant need for validation, doesn't give off a general sense of confidence but is confident in what he's good at, can only be honest if in a mildly passive-aggressive way. I think Danielle giving him the cold shoulder is playing on his insecurities, which makes him try harder, which turns her off.

But my thing is, Danielle hasn't encountered one woman who fell in love with and married a man who wasn't her exact type when they met or that she even really liked at first? I'll bet those stories are a dime a dozen. "He wasn't my type at first, but he won me over..." type stories are fairly common. Danielle shut down early on when she realized Cody wasn't her type. As the saying goes, be careful what you ask for. A lot of times people want something so bad, and then when they get it, they realize all they really liked about it was wanting it. Danielle wants a guy's guy now because that's not who Cody is (to her, at least), but if she got a guy's guy who was blunt and a little detached, all of a sudden she'd want a sweet guy who just wants to make her happy.

Danielle doesn't get points for stringing Cody along. It's one thing not to chop the guy down to size by listing all the ways in which she finds him unattractive, but to keep being vague about how you're just not there yet and you're trying to get to know him better is leading him on, and he doesn't deserve that, either.

The annoying thing, IMHO, is that I can see Cody and Danielle, predictably, not staying together. Cody goes back to dating girls his own age and would probably find a girl fairly easily who is sweet, down-to-Earth, caring, doesn't find every boyish trait he has utterly repulsive. If he wanted to, in 2-3 years, I could see him happily married. On the other hand, Danielle might go out on a couple of dates, or she might even find a guy for the moment who she thinks is a guy's guy...but it won't work. Because he's not going to be all the interested in her, or she won't be all that interested in him.

Wow ... The Best I've read so far.  Nice and simply put !

[2727]

Who the bloody hell knows what "manly man" means to Danielle or anyone, but if Cody's own stories about his sexual goings-on are even partly true, he certainly has a high libido and many willing partners. Isn't that "manly"? Isn't owning one's own business and having a responsible financial mindset "manly"? How about stepping in to take control of Danielle's dogs? Pressing for sex has historically been seen as something men do.

The main way he might be perceived as being "weak" is his timid and insecure interactions with Danielle, which she herself has caused.

[qtpye]

On Monday, July 24, 2017 at 10:54 AM, gonecrackers said:

I agree with everything in the post except above because I don't think she really wants him. The fire scene seems production driven to me. She's really not given out any signals of being truly interested in Cody sexually, & in fact, has said she feels no 'chemistry' or 'spark' with him, & she can't go further until she does. That 'spark' isn't coming & I believe she knows it.  I think she's doing what she can until the 8 weeks are up, possibly holding out some hope for something to change but most likely not counting on it.

I agree with all who have observed how stiff & uncomfortable they look together, mostly. The only time they look somewhat relaxed are when they are having an activity together without any romantic intentions - as just friends.

With Danielle I keep mentally tripping on something she said early on in the 'experiment' - she said when she - first saw Cody she thought oh he's good looking I can try this ... I keep tripping over that because since then I've questioned her intentions going into this 'marriage'. "I can try this" is not a statement of commitment, at all. Then Cody ended up being, Cody, so that was it for her. She's been pretty much been checked out ever since & just paying lip service to the experiment by saying she's 'trying', which is probably just what production wants her to do.

I'll give them the benefit of the doubt in that they most likely have good qualities off camera, but participating in this 'experiment' & playing along with production has made them both look stupid.

 

On Monday, July 24, 2017 at 11:02 AM, Gem 10 said:

There must be a new clause in the contract that they have to stick it out until the end or else she would have walked out like Heather did last season.  Or .. She's staying in for the money or exposure. 

 

On Monday, July 24, 2017 at 4:27 PM, 27bored said:

Absolutely. I waffle back and forth about Cody lacking confidence. I think the fact that he was a chubby kid might play a role in some of his simpering behavior, but then, all we see Danielle doing is saying how she does care about him and is trying to feel a spark but isn't there yet. Is Cody really a bad guy or devoid of confidence for believing her? We're watching this whole thing unfold with the benefit of her THs and one-on-ones with the advisors, but Cody can only go by what she says and what the therapists suggest. To the whole world watching, Danielle clearly seems disinterested in Cody, but she also says how she's trying. A lot of the grief Danielle gets is because we think she's BSing him and us. I don't know that Danielle has given Cody a real chance to win her over because she's been so busy being turned off. I don't think that comes down to a matter of confidence. I think Cody has given Danielle more credit (on a couple of levels) than she deserves, so maybe he thinks she's worth it. If I felt Danielle was more sincere, I'd probably agree. But since it seems like she does little more than tell him smiling lies, Cody just seems like a sucker for not catching on.

 

 

I agree with most of this. I will say I think the "experts" have done a bad job of diagnosing the problem. I agree that they probably press the couples to keep trying despite a general lack of interest, which I get to some extent, but they're trying to come up with "couple solutions" instead of individual solutions, IMO. I think they should've told Cody what you said earlier about reverse psychology. Stop making eyes at Danielle, stop trying to woo her, stop mentioning sex, stop trying so hard. Marriage is a partnership and if they were to stay together, Danielle doesn't get to sit back and decide whether she's impressed or not. Your wants and needs matter too, and if she can't fulfill them, she's no better for you than you are for her. So decide how much effort she's worth and scale it back a bit. And to Danielle: if a spark is so important to you, you have to create a situation where it can blossom. Hoping to feel something by judging Cody on how well he plays house and keeps after your dogs is not going to create a spark. Most men are not going to spend all their time trying to figure out what you want -- you have to be clear about those wants. The right guy is the guy who cares about you and what you need, period. Not just a collection of traits that have nothing to do with you.

 

 

I think the s'mores thing was a swerve, by design. Danielle wasn't up for sex then just like she isn't up for it now. We've seen Cody clean and cook and help out around the house and with the dogs. He's said he's really trying. Like I said a few weeks back, I think Cody probably walks around with his mom in his head and so he's trying to do the things he thinks a good husband is supposed to do. You hear married women all the time talk about how they wish their husbands helped out more and took some stress off them and how they have to do everything. So Cody's trying to be Johnny-on-the-spot, but Danielle just kind of wants something to complain about. Notice she doesn't ever get too specific about what it is about Cody she isn't into? She mentions certain flaws and whatnot, but it seems like the only thing she consistently has a problem with is him bringing up the fact that they haven't had sex.

I can understand why the show would have a clause like that, not just from a relationship standpoint but as a matter of production. Filming is expensive and I'm sure the network needs some assurance they will get usable footage when the show goes to ask for money, so I'm sure they can't just have people up and quit just because they're not feeling it. But then, the flip side of that is, you get duds like Cody and Danielle, who spend the entire time doing platonic friend shit and complaining about not having any connection. If they're going to force them to stay together, at least have the "experts" challenge and critique them on their behavior within the show. Don't just sit and watch Danielle and her bangs talk about how she's "trying" when she can barely hold the guy's hand and let that slide. A show where individuals challenge aspects of themselves that might impede a healthy relationship can be interesting, too. It doesn't have to just be about whether a couple will stay together.

Oh, me too. Imagine if Cody said anything like that to Danielle. Say if he said he normally goes for hot blondes with big boobs, and that's why he's not quite feeling it? People would think he was the biggest douche in the world. Or, suppose if he said he wants a woman that's more feminine? He'd be excoriated every week. And, to be honest, I doubt the "experts" would let that slide week after week.

I wish they would've delved into Danielle's background. What's her relationship like with her dad? It's interesting she mentioned she dated a guy who was a "guy's guy" who cheated on her for years. Uh, Danielle's thirty, but she's only thirty. Shouldn't you have a slight epiphany at her age about what it takes to have a good relationship? You're comparing a guy you dated in your early 20s (or even late teens) to what you go for now in your thirties? Huh? Shouldn't your priorities be a little different?

But honestly, Danielle is a good example of why some guys turn into commitment-phobic assholes who cheat. A lot of guys start off like Cody, but then they get lead on by a woman or two, and then they're like, fuck this. They turn into the 3-dates-no-sex-goodbye types who won't spend more than $40 on a date, will never return a phone call or text right away "in order to appear busy", will seem into a girl until she sleeps with him, then she's persona non grata, and refuses to admit to one real feeling...because he doesn't want to get played. And the sad thing is, women like Danielle reinforce the belief that these things work. So for someone like Cody, the next time he meets a girl, if she isn't immediately ready to sleep with him, he's going to think she's just out to play him, even if she's not.

Danielle has the same vibe with Cody that I have with my little brother's friends.  It's not that Cody is not manly...she looks at him like he's a kid...which he is emotionally.   The experts really failed both of them.

[Gem 10]

On July 25, 2017 at 9:45 AM, 2727 said:

Who the bloody hell knows what "manly man" means to Danielle or anyone, but if Cody's own stories about his sexual goings-on are even partly true, he certainly has a high libido and many willing partners. Isn't that "manly"? Isn't owning one's own business and having a responsible financial mindset "manly"? How about stepping in to take control of Danielle's dogs? Pressing for sex has historically been seen as something men do.

The main way he might be perceived as being "weak" is his timid and insecure interactions with Danielle, which she herself has caused.

 

On July 25, 2017 at 9:45 AM, 2727 said:

Who the bloody hell knows what "manly man" means to Danielle or anyone, but if Cody's own stories about his sexual goings-on are even partly true, he certainly has a high libido and many willing partners. Isn't that "manly"? Isn't owning one's own business and having a responsible financial mindset "manly"? How about stepping in to take control of Danielle's dogs? Pressing for sex has historically been seen as something men do.

The main way he might be perceived as being "weak" is his timid and insecure interactions with Danielle, which she herself has caused.

Hmmmmm, "Manly Man".    6' 2 tall, gorgeous, muscles galore, bright white teeth, beautiful smile, will take you to beautiful places, hiking, outdoors guy that could put up a tent in 3 minutes, tell you you're beautiful every 5 minutes, take you to a romantic dinner, rip your clothes off with his teeth and make passionate love to you and give you 3 organisms in a row.  If you find him, let me know and I will dump my husband.    Oh, and he should have a great job and drive a Ferrari, so your bangs can blow in the wind with the top down.

[gonecrackers]

20 minutes ago, Gem 10 said:

 

Hmmmmm, "Manly Man".    6' 2 tall, gorgeous, muscles galore, bright white teeth, beautiful smile, will take you to beautiful places, hiking, outdoors guy that could put up a tent in 3 minutes, tell you you're beautiful every 5 minutes, take you to a romantic dinner, rip your clothes off with his teeth and make passionate love to you and give you 3 organisms in a row.  If you find him, let me know and I will dump my husband.    Oh, and he should have a great job and drive a Ferrari, so your bangs can blow in the wind with the top down.

LOL!!

[eyelash]

On ‎7‎/‎20‎/‎2017 at 5:48 PM, Gem 10 said:

Danielle wants a manly man.  Maybe she's not a womanly woman.  What's so great about her?  She should try to make a man out of him .... If she knows how.    Sick of them.

She made herself as unattractive as possible on the second honeymoons episode wearing ripped jeans, an oversized sweatshirt and a skullcap.  It looked more like something one of his beer buddies would wear for an impromptu flag football or basketball game than an outfit a newlywed woman going on a second honeymoon would choose.  Is that what she thinks will attract the "manly man" she wants?  Or was she intentionally setting the tone of "we're just sports buddies, don't touch me!' right from the start?  I think Cody will be pretty glad sex never happened by the end, and hope he decides for divorce on decision day.

[gonecrackers]

I think Danielle's been mostly intentionally dressed down almost from the get go. She has no interest in him sexually so at least she's not putting it all out there for an already frustrated Cody. Then it could really get haaaaard for him.

[Drogo]

Danielle's face when Cody answers that he's at a "4 out of 10" with her:

[Evil Queen]

19 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I think Danielle's been mostly intentionally dressed down almost from the get go. She has no interest in him sexually so at least she's not putting it all out there for an already frustrated Cody. Then it could really get haaaaard for him.

I get the feeling its how she dresses no matter what...unless she is out on the town looking for the "manly man". LOL Even in Unfiltered she is in the off the shoulder, 80s flashdance look with the leather (pleather?) leggings. All she is missing is her beanie though to complete the look. 

[Blissfool]

6 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

 

Hmmmmm, "Manly Man".    6' 2 tall, gorgeous, muscles galore, bright white teeth, beautiful smile, will take you to beautiful places, hiking, outdoors guy that could put up a tent in 3 minutes, tell you you're beautiful every 5 minutes, take you to a romantic dinner, rip your clothes off with his teeth and make passionate love to you and give you 3 organisms in a row.  If you find him, let me know and I will dump my husband.    Oh, and he should have a great job and drive a Ferrari, so your bangs can blow in the wind with the top down.

Lol! I'm not sure I want my manly man to give me 1 organism , let alone 3. ?

[Gem 10]

26 minutes ago, Blissfool said:

Lol! I'm not sure I want my manly man to give me 1 organism , let alone 3. ?

Hahahaha.  With all the ailments we have, not sure we remember how, LMAO.

[brilliantbreakfast]

On 7/22/2017 at 8:09 PM, 27bored said:

Like I said in last week's thread, the way to get a guy to do something when you want is ask him to do it when it needs to be done. If a form needs to be filled out and submitted by 6:00pm on Friday, please don't come nagging me about doing it at 7:30am on Wednesday. Just tell us on Thursday we need to submit a form by COB on Friday and let it go. This might sound like sorriness or laziness, but it's like, at a certain point after spending your life waiting on people to do shit, sitting in traffic while people slow-poke around, standing in long lines while people take their time, getting to appointments 10-15 minutes early to wait an additional 20-30 minutes...you start to develop an "I'll get there when I get there/it'll get done when it gets done" type mentality. Nobody else seems to be in a huge rush for you, so why are you rushing so much for other people's benefit? I used to be that guy who wanted to be everywhere early, because that's just who I was. But when I started realizing I was stressing myself for people who don't give a fuck and who will waste your time with not even a "sorry for your wait". So I no longer have a ton of anxiety about punctuality and lateness. I don't intentionally slow-ass around, but I don't stress about it, either. Unless it's a strict time for work or court, I'll be there when I get there.

 

I agree with you about this, but sometimes lives are at stake.  When you're supposed to keep hydrated because you had brain surgery four weeks ago and instead you drink a gallon of tomato juice in two days when your wife has said that you need water and clear liquids, not salty tomato juice, that is just plain stupid.  And  when you are having symptoms of a stroke and refuse to go to a hospital and you had brain surgery four weeks ago, and your wife says you need to go to the emergency room, you let her take you to the friggin emergency room.  You don't refuse to go because she's being a nag.  Sometimes we want you to do things because YOUR LIFE IS AT STAKE.  My husband too dug in his heels because he didn't want me nagging him.  And guess what.  He died.  Sometimes we know what we're doing.

[lenny]

H I was really rooting for Sheila and Nate, they were my favorite couple until the episode of a road trip when they had a minor squabble and she got out of the car and stomped off down the street talking on her phone refusing to talk about the problem. I understand that editing can make one person look like the bad guy but I have always felt editing only does so much. If a person said something, they said it. Doesn't matter if it was taken out of context, they still acted badly. Sheila is a hypocrit who needs to work on that spirituality she brags about so much. I haven't watched the finale yet but even if they stay together at the end I don't give them a year. She"s too self centered. "Me, me, me.....hey, what about me?" It might be ok for Naye right now but it's going to get old fast once the cameras are gone.

Then we have Ashley, who has one goal out of this......a baby......yesterday if not sooner. She wanted to get pregnant after knowing Anthony a week. While he wanted to talk about their relationship she just wanted to talk about how soon she could get pregnant. Nothing wrong with single parenthood, sometimes a relationship doesn't work out and you find a way to co parent but to plan a family 2 weeks after meeting someone......it's just sort of backwards to me. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think you should feel you want to be together forever when you concieve a child. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't but a child should be conceived with the expectation of being raised in a 2 parent household filled with lots of love. I won't even go into what a ridiculous mistake it is to move into her sisters building. Time to grow up sweetie. We can be close to our families without being overly dependant. That dependence needs to be on our grown up relationship.

Oh,Cody.....poor geeky Cody. Ashley has a picture in her mind of what makes a real man. She wants a cave man and she knew it wouldn't be Cody on Day 2 but apparently wanted the exposure too much to let Cody know he didn't stand a chance back then. She keeps saying she wants passion, you can't have passion if you aren't having sex. IF she really wanted to give it a shot she should have at least tried some foreplay. For crying out loud, she isn't an 18 year old virgin. Sometimes the attraction develops during a physical relationship. Danielle says she can't get into it because she's not in love but love won't come with no intimacy.

[biakbiak]

2 hours ago, lenny said:

.yesterday if not sooner. She wanted to get pregnant after knowing Anthony a week. While he wanted to talk about their relationship she just wanted to talk about how soon she could get pregnant. Nothing wrong with single parenthood, sometimes a relationship doesn't work out and you find a way to co parent but to plan a family 2 weeks after meeting someone......it's just sort of backwards to me. M

If this was a normal relationship I would agree but they had six weeks of this experiment to decide of they wanted to stay married, not that they couldn't decide after the six weeks, but it rapidly speeds up the time table of these discussions and Ashley stated repeatedly that she wanted to start trying after a year, not immediately. Wanting to have children is such a huge part of a marriage, I thought it was good for Ashley to be up front about her desire to have them and her timetable so that I'd Anthony was not interested they wouldn't waste each other's time.

[Evil Queen]

2 hours ago, lenny said:

H I was really rooting for Sheila and Nate, they were my favorite couple until the episode of a road trip when they had a minor squabble and she got out of the car and stomped off down the street talking on her phone refusing to talk about the problem. I understand that editing can make one person look like the bad guy but I have always felt editing only does so much. If a person said something, they said it. Doesn't matter if it was taken out of context, they still acted badly. Sheila is a hypocrit who needs to work on that spirituality she brags about so much. I haven't watched the finale yet but even if they stay together at the end I don't give them a year. She"s too self centered. "Me, me, me.....hey, what about me?" It might be ok for Naye right now but it's going to get old fast once the cameras are gone.

Then we have Ashley, who has one goal out of this......a baby......yesterday if not sooner. She wanted to get pregnant after knowing Anthony a week. While he wanted to talk about their relationship she just wanted to talk about how soon she could get pregnant. Nothing wrong with single parenthood, sometimes a relationship doesn't work out and you find a way to co parent but to plan a family 2 weeks after meeting someone......it's just sort of backwards to me. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I think you should feel you want to be together forever when you concieve a child. Maybe it happens, maybe it doesn't but a child should be conceived with the expectation of being raised in a 2 parent household filled with lots of love. I won't even go into what a ridiculous mistake it is to move into her sisters building. Time to grow up sweetie. We can be close to our families without being overly dependant. That dependence needs to be on our grown up relationship.

IMO there is A LOT more to those scenes that went on with Nate and Sheila then we got each time they had issues. The producers decided to have it look the way you and some others ended up seeing it. Yet there are moments in the bad edits that I caught his face and it wasn't a good look in those times. I had wondered what he had been saying in the moments. We only got snippets of things and NEVER once the whole story on those fights. Heck he could have been the reason for them all and she was standing up for herself. Or not. Or they both are hot headed and need to learn to control it....which is probably the case but we will never really know as we get a "story" that producers decide on. Even if its not the truth at all. 

Same with Ashley and the whole baby. It was stated by Anthony at some point how they talked about it. It was cleared up all the misunderstandings on time frame and he was ok with it. She wanted to try to have a baby after they had been together a year. Not that she wanted one the second she got married to him. The show wanted people to think it though. As well as the whole moving into her sister's building and that whole deal. It doesn't mean she is dependent on them at all. IMO she is pretty independent considering she is the one running the bar/restaurant herself. I think this was another thing the show was trying to play as stupid drama where there wasn't any either. The fact is we barely saw her sister on the show at all. If she was going to be such a constant, as they tried to make it seem like, then where was she?