S01.E06: D-a-t-e-Date?

[Drogo]

Discussion for episode 6, "D-a-t-e-Date?"

[Crs97]

"Most improved participation?  Well, that's the one to break." Hee.

Hilarious and poignant.  We need to live nearer to an airport.

[CarolMK]

Loved it. So now we finally found out what Dad's job was. I love the way he vented.

It's cool to see how popular JJ and his little brother (sorry, I forgot his name) are with other kids. Nice to see that confidence. And that gymnast did like JJ, in a friendly but also maybe something more to it as well. I think she admired how well he coped with his life in a wheelchair when she was really complaining when we first met her. It gave her a totally different perspective.

[bros402]

That was a good episode. Needed some laughs after this election.

The trophies were funny - then Dylan ruining it for Ray at the end.

The principal was funny this episode - "Oh no, she isn't yelling, she must be really mad!"

"Ooh! That'll make the letter so much more fun!"

JJ and the teacher looking like the poster made me chuckle, too.

[alexvillage]

Is there a place where the episode is free to watch? I totally forgot about it, went to bed too early after not sleeping the night before and due to distress. I don't have on demand.

[OnceSane]

I really liked that JJ wasn't willing to invest in the "tourist" because he knows how it usually goes.  That was a nice bit of realism.  That said, I hope she does visit him at home so they can watch "Rocky" together. 

[Aliconehead]

6 hours ago, alexvillage said:

Is there a place where the episode is free to watch? I totally forgot about it, went to bed too early after not sleeping the night before and due to distress. I don't have on demand.

ABC.com. As long as you have a service you can play it. 

[neuromom]

That was great! I needed the laughs! A nice break from all the negativity around me.

Dylan is so ME, but without thr filter. And I just loved the dad/daughter bonding. It warms my heart to see Jimmy bonding with this kids. And the screaming at the airport. His job deals with a lot of the same stuff that I dealt with as a police dispatcher (answering 911 calls) for thirty years. You have to just absorb all the negativity and find some way to release it. But, Dylan reacted in the exact way I'd have loved to! Except I'd have been fired! 

I really liked how Maya had to make the decision to butt out of Ray's life, knowing what she has - his trust and confidence- is so much more important. 

 

However, I do have to say that i really didn't personally identify with the "mom's group". Maybe it's just the introvert in me. And the fact that I don't drink. Because I'm on duty 24/7.

[ItCouldBeWorse]

Maya really doesn't respect the kids' personal boundaries.

[dmmetler]

I loved that (and I am part of a similar mom's group, although I can't drink, and it rarely goes beyond the first glass of wine for anyone ). JJ liking the girl, but understanding that girls don't see him that way rings true. (The person I eventually married has a brother with CP. That tends to be pretty common, in my experience-it often takes someone who has personal experience to be able to see beyond the disability. Just having been in an inclusive world isn't enough). 

 

Dad dealing with complaints makes sense as  to why he's so bulletproof in a lot of ways. He has a lot of experience dealing with less than rational people and having to stay rational. I also loved the interactions with the parents, Ray, and Dylan-I like that the siblings are getting fleshed out more. 

Overall, I love this show more with each episode. 

[Crs97]

In terms of Maya and boundaries, my four kids are very close in age and oldest has CP.. When a preschool teacher asked about one of the younger three's milestones, specifically about dressing himself, I was startled.  I had gotten so used to dressing the oldest and being on a time crunch that I forgot to let the younger three try those things.  Lesson learned early, but I still need reminders at times.  For that reason, I tend to cut her a lot of slack, especially because she checks in with Jim when she isn't sure if she overstepped and she does apologize.

Speaking of dressing, I love what JJ wears but does a button down shirt over a tshirt make sense?  I think it would be hard to get into/out of.  My oldest wants fast and would hate to mess with two shirts getting caught on each other while he was trying to put them on.

[Gulftastic]

Another good episode. I'm really enjoying this show. I loved how Ray went from accepted to humiliated to super-accepted to super humiliated (although we didn't see the last part).

Now Dylan needs a plot of her own.

[MaryHedwig]

Quote

Is there a place where the episode is free to watch? I totally forgot about it, went to bed too early after not sleeping the night before and due to distress. I don't have on demand.

Hulu

[bros402]

15 hours ago, Crs97 said:

Speaking of dressing, I love what JJ wears but does a button down shirt over a tshirt make sense?  I think it would be hard to get into/out of.  My oldest wants fast and would hate to mess with two shirts getting caught on each other while he was trying to put them on.

I just have mild CP - mostly affects my strength and motor skills/coordination - and buttons are *hell* for me. I can barely do giant buttons - a normal dress shirt is just difficult to the point of frustration - easier to just have someone help me unbutton it than waste time.

[alexvillage]

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That tends to be pretty common, in my experience-it often takes someone who has personal experience to be able to see beyond the disability. Just having been in an inclusive world isn't enough). 

Agree that it takes more than just being exposed to inclusion, although a few people can do that. But I don't think that anyone should see "beyond the disability". I like to remind people to embrace the disability and see it as a part of the person that is there, cannot be separated, and that doesn't make anyone lesser of a person.

[Ikki]

The part of this episode that is still making me laugh was from Dylan's rant in/outside of the trophy shop. "What an honor! The most important man in the world in our local trophy shop! He's shorter than I thought."

[neuromom]

21 hours ago, bros402 said:

I just have mild CP - mostly affects my strength and motor skills/coordination - and buttons are *hell* for me. I can barely do giant buttons - a normal dress shirt is just difficult to the point of frustration - easier to just have someone help me unbutton it than waste time.

My son with multiple disabilities is not able to do buttons or zippers. Though he is cooperative, I actually do have to dress him. And it's difficult for ME, while facing him , to button buttons or do pants with zippers. Things are worse when he can't stay still. It took several years , and severest gentle "hints" to get family and friends to buy easy pullover shirts and sweat-type pants. My ex husband was the worst! (His dad) he'd buy the "stylish" button/zipper pants and jeans that HE would wear...then wonder why our son never wore them.

[bros402]

11 hours ago, Ikki said:

The part of this episode that is still making me laugh was from Dylan's rant in/outside of the trophy shop. "What an honor! The most important man in the world in our local trophy shop! He's shorter than I thought."

Yeah, that made me laugh a lot.

[needschocolate]

I am enjoying this show since they have lowered the obnoxious level the parents started out at.  It was nice to see the dad be upset that the daughter yelled at people and broke the trophy.  I feel that, in the earlier episodes, he would have encouraged such behavior.

And he is right - a trophy for Most Improved Participation should be destroyed.

[maya1959]

On 11/13/2016 at 3:15 PM, neuromom said:

My son with multiple disabilities is not able to do buttons or zippers. Though he is cooperative, I actually do have to dress him. And it's difficult for ME, while facing him , to button buttons or do pants with zippers. Things are worse when he can't stay still. It took several years , and severest gentle "hints" to get family and friends to buy easy pullover shirts and sweat-type pants. My ex husband was the worst! (His dad) he'd buy the "stylish" button/zipper pants and jeans that HE would wear...then wonder why our son never wore them.

I had a patient who   loved button up shirts but could barely bend  their arms to get  in the sleeves. Problem solved by splitting the shirt up the back, using velcro and front already buttoned.

[topanga]

I liked that the aide (why can't I remember his name? Kenneth?) does vocal exercises in the mornings so his voice won't crack when JJ says, "Daaammmmnnn!!!"

 

On 11/13/2016 at 1:04 PM, needschocolate said:

I am enjoying this show since they have lowered the obnoxious level the parents started out at.  It was nice to see the dad be upset that the daughter yelled at people and broke the trophy.  I feel that, in the earlier episodes, he would have encouraged such behavior.

And he is right - a trophy for Most Improved Participation should be destroyed.

I like that all of the characters seem to be growing.  Even Dylan--she wasn't angry before. In fact, the writers didn't seem to know what to do with her. But in this episode, she told her dad that she's so angry because she's tired of people taking advantage of their family. Not sure when that happens, but it's nice to see the character evolve. 

[GRChereck]

When this ep first aired, I must admit I found the whole Maya/Ray plot overstuffed and confusing, and thought it threatened to swallow up the other two, more potentially interesting plots (JJ's first crush, and Jimmy helping Dylan with her anger issues by showing her how he copes with his job stress*). Having seen it twice more since then (on DVR over the holidays, and then the rerun a month ago), I could better appreciate how well-constructed it was -- especially how it tied in with Dylan's plot at the beginning and end. 

Speaking of which, I loved Jimmy and Dylan's scream-therapy session together, and how Ray ended up getting to have one too. :D

JJ and Kenneth were sweet together, as always. Kenneth's aside about having two ex-wives was a nice touch; I like finding out little things about him like that (same with his military-brat upbringing, hinted at in "Thanksgiving" and "Road Trip," and his line about having gone to college in "Ray-Cation").

 

*- As for the fact that we're now 16 episodes into the season (with 7 more to go) and this is the only one so far where we actually saw Jimmy at work (or were even told what exactly he does), I can understand why he never talks about it. Given all the negativity constantly thrown at him (having to answer for the airline's screw-ups with baggage that he probably wasn't personally responsible for and can't do anything about), it's no wonder he would rather just leave his anger and frustration in the airfield than take it out on his family or anyone else.

Also, in the recent "Sick Day," when Jimmy said he "must" be doing more for the family besides merely "bringing home the bacon" because he's so "tired all the time!", I just figured the nature of his work leaves him so mentally fried. (I wonder if he has always been more naturally inclined toward introversion but only took this job -- dealing directly with the public day in and day out -- in the first place because it offered the best family-health plan he could get at the time JJ was born... I suspect that there probably wasn't much competition for the position, either, and that his calm and gentle demeanor would've made him an appealing candidate...)

Edited February 26, 2017 by GRChereck
additional thoughts

[bros402]

On 2/25/2017 at 10:27 PM, GRChereck said:

Also, in the recent "Sick Day," when Jimmy said he "must" be doing more for the family besides merely "bringing home the bacon" because he's so "tired all the time!", I just figured the nature of his work leaves him so mentally fried. (I wonder if he has always been more naturally inclined toward introversion but only took this job -- dealing directly with the public day in and day out -- in the first place because it offered the best family-health plan he could get at the time JJ was born... I suspect that there probably wasn't much competition for the position, either, and that his calm and gentle demeanor would've made him an appealing candidate...)

My mom works a job that she hates, where she is underpaid and underappreciated, just so we have insurance that covers all of my stuff.

I was helping my dad tabulate expenses for state medical deductions - and with co-pays and mileage reimbursements, we spent $1400 on me last year. That's *with* medicaid picking up all of the co-pays for my medication.

[neuromom]

17 hours ago, bros402 said:

My mom works a job that she hates, where she is underpaid and underappreciated, just so we have insurance that covers all of my stuff.

I was helping my dad tabulate expenses for state medical deductions - and with co-pays and mileage reimbursements, we spent $1400 on me last year. That's *with* medicaid picking up all of the co-pays for my medication.

We parents do what we can for our kiddos that's for sure! I just filed my taxes and I paid about 10x what your parents paid, and my son isn't even on meds! But we do lots of alternative therapy and homeopathy, chiropractic, etc...all of which are of GREAT benefit to my son..and NONE of which is covered by Kaiser OR Medi-Cal. Ive been using mutual funds and other resources that I USED to set aside for my retirement.

[bros402]

6 hours ago, neuromom said:

We parents do what we can for our kiddos that's for sure! I just filed my taxes and I paid about 10x what your parents paid, and my son isn't even on meds! But we do lots of alternative therapy and homeopathy, chiropractic, etc...all of which are of GREAT benefit to my son..and NONE of which is covered by Kaiser OR Medi-Cal. Ive been using mutual funds and other resources that I USED to set aside for my retirement.

Make sure to deduct mileage to/from doctors at $0.17 a mile (They keep reducing it!) - my parents got to deduct an extra $250 off state taxes because of that.

My mom's insurance is *amazing* - no in-network deductible ($100 out of network deductible), $10 co-pay for all doctors, no referrals, not much required in the way of prior authorization. I keep coverage past 26 under a disability waiver that my neurologist is more than happy to fill out.

My mom's insurance and medicaid spend around $2200 a month on my seizure meds. My chemo pills are only $45 a month.

Though my mom's insurance won't cover OT for me - it's considered maintenance therapy - and they don't cover that.

Too bad insurance doesn't cover medical marijuana - and it can't be deducted as a medical expense (yet).

[neuromom]

On 2/27/2017 at 11:49 PM, bros402 said:

Make sure to deduct mileage to/from doctors at $0.17 a mile (They keep reducing it!) - my parents got to deduct an extra $250 off state taxes because of that.

My mom's insurance is *amazing* - no in-network deductible ($100 out of network deductible), $10 co-pay for all doctors, no referrals, not much required in the way of prior authorization. I keep coverage past 26 under a disability waiver that my neurologist is more than happy to fill out.

My mom's insurance and medicaid spend around $2200 a month on my seizure meds. My chemo pills are only $45 a month.

Though my mom's insurance won't cover OT for me - it's considered maintenance therapy - and they don't cover that.

Too bad insurance doesn't cover medical marijuana - and it can't be deducted as a medical expense (yet).

Ive never had to worry about the mileage, since all my other deductions are WAY above and beyond what I even need. 

Hopefully insurance will cover medical marijuana someday...as well as other holistic therapies that actually DO work!

its wonderful when you have a great neurologist. I live in CA, where parental rights were removed via SB 277. I'm actually in the middle of obtaining a waiver for my son (who will be entering 7th grade in the fall and they require vaccines) . The neurologist is great though. I should be able to get that waiver. (My son is vaccine injured, along with his other issues). I can't say enough about having a great doctor !

 

i wonder if we will ever meet JJ's neurologist? Or any of his medical team?

Edited March 1, 2017 by neuromom

[bros402]

10 hours ago, neuromom said:

Ive never had to worry about the mileage, since all my other deductions are WAY above and beyond what I even need. 

Hopefully insurance will cover medical marijuana someday...as well as other holistic therapies that actually DO work!

its wonderful when you have a great neurologist. I live in CA, where parental rights were removed via SB 277. I'm actually in the middle of obtaining a waiver for my son (who will be entering 7th grade in the fall and they require vaccines) . The neurologist is great though. I should be able to get that waiver. (My son is vaccine injured, along with his other issues). I can't say enough about having a great doctor !

 

i wonder if we will ever meet JJ's neurologist? Or any of his medical team?

Every penny counts - even if it is just an extra $250 a year - it's more you get to take off :D

You'll get that waiver easily. Having a great doctor makes all of the difference. I had a great pediatrician - stayed with him until I turned 21. Ran into him in 2015 when I started going to my hem/onc - he sees my specific hem/onc. The day I saw him, it was after my first bone marrow biopsy. He looks so sad when I handed him the piece of paper the doctor printed out with information on the cancer he thought I had (and he was correct! Great catch, oncologist! I am the only case of my cancer that that oncologist has ever seen.).

 

I also had an *amazing* pediatric neurologist - he had to stop seeing me for a few years after his brother - also a pediatric neurologist, had a stroke. My pediatric neurologist is a very... eccentric man - a genius, honestly. A neurologist who is a certified clinical geneticist and is certified by the American Board of Psychiatry. He specializes in Neurodevelopmental Disabilities. Every visit with the man, he would do his neurological tests on me and my parents - to see how they did. He referred me to a neurologist that didn't really get me or my situation - would just manage my epilepsy, nothing else. Then I found an adult neurologist and he was great - then left the country and his replacement is *also* great. He does the regular neurological battery once a year - unless he notices something abnormal at my every-6-month visit.

We've already met the OT (or was it his PT?) - I hope we get to meet his neurologist. I think it would be most likely that we meet a pediatrician first. Imagine how much the staff would hate Maya (Hate might be too strong, but I would not be shocked if she had made some staff members have nervous breakdowns). Maybe they go for a visit and they learn the pediatrician retired - due to Maya-related stress. I imagine that Maya would take all three kids at once - probably easiest.

[Crs97]

We met his PT; she tried to fix Ray's gait.  Hee!

[GRChereck]

9 hours ago, bros402 said:

We've already met the OT (or was it his PT?) - I hope we get to meet his neurologist. I think it would be most likely that we meet a pediatrician first. Imagine how much the staff would hate Maya (Hate might be too strong, but I would not be shocked if she had made some staff members have nervous breakdowns). Maybe they go for a visit and they learn the pediatrician retired - due to Maya-related stress. I imagine that Maya would take all three kids at once - probably easiest.

That might be good idea for a plot sometime. :D

3 hours ago, Crs97 said:

We met his PT; she tried to fix Ray's gait.  Hee!

That was pretty funny. :) Also, I noticed that the gal who plays her, Liz Cackowski, was nicked from the writing / producing staff of FOX's 'The Last Man on Earth' (she also wrote for SNL in the mid-'00s).

[neuromom]

Bros402,  unfortunately this past week wasn't so good. My neurologist changed her whole opinion on the waiver ,   And refused to give my son one. She referred me back to the pediatrician. The pediatrician is leaning towards giving me one but says I'm the first person he's dealt with since the law passed and he needed to check with "his people" . Since that time I have found out that my HMO is the worst in the state on even the most legitimate medical exemptions. The  Only saving grace for my son is that he has a specific IEP due to his severe disabilities - and the IEP being a federal document, takes precedence (in this case) over this state law (which isn't even being uniformly applied anyway) . So, my kid is ok for now, even though many others are not.

And, I went "all Maya" on the neurologist and her nurse! After a positive relationship over the past several years, I'm not sure how that will work now....even if they don't "hate" me, they may very well think I'm just "crazy" , or I'm "THAT parent" who will be the most aggressive over advocacy for my son. But, if I don't stand up for him, who will? 

Edited March 5, 2017 by neuromom

[bros402]

8 hours ago, neuromom said:

Bros402,  unfortunately this past week wasn't so good. My neurologist changed her whole opinion on the waiver ,   And refused to give my son one. She referred me back to the pediatrician. The pediatrician is leaning towards giving me one but says I'm the first person he's dealt with since the law passed and he needed to check with "his people" . Since that time I have found out that my HMO is the worst in the state on even the most legitimate medical exemptions. The  Only saving grace for my son is that he has a specific IEP due to his severe disabilities - and the IEP being a federal document, takes precedence (in this case) over this state law (which isn't even being uniformly applied anyway) . So, my kid is ok for now, even though many others are not.

And, I went "all Maya" on the neurologist and her nurse! After a positive relationship over the past several years, I'm not sure how that will work now....even if they don't "hate" me, they may very well think I'm just "crazy" , or I'm "THAT parent" who will be the most aggressive over advocacy for my son. But, if I don't stand up for him, who will? 

Why can't he get the vaccines again? If it is how he reacted in the past - if it is an allergy, that doctor is just stupid for not doing the waiver. If it was a non-allergy adverse reaction, maybe think about a slow administration of the vaccines, see how he responds?

Though the doctor might not want to do the waiver because she's just the neurologist - pediatrician *is* more appropriate for vaccine stuff, even if the neurologist is the point person for the disabling condition(s).

The implementation of the IEP is up to the school - they just have to provide access to special education services and all of the related services in the IEP. Here's an article I found on it - http://www.scpr.org/news/2016/04/28/59964/state-clarifies-new-law-provide-special-ed-to-unva/ - and the FAQ answer from California on it - http://www.shotsforschool.org/laws/sb277faq/#Q3A

You could ask the district how they will implement his IEP in the event that a waiver is still being sought at the time of the next school year starting.

The neurologist and her nurse will probably just chalk it up to a bad day - especially if you apologize next time you go. Odds are, they won't even remember it.