Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

[cathy]

On her facebook page she has announced that the summer issue of her new magazine will be available one week from today at China-mart.  After that you can get a subscription.  I am so exited I could just turn into a stick of butter!! She shows one page, where it says that she loves to build an outfit around a floral top.  What happens when her teenage daughter Paige does the same?  Puke.  How stupid.  The same old exploiting her boring family, who are really nothing special.  I will go to Satan-mart next week, read it there, not buy it, maybe make it a bit dog-eared so some reeple won't want it, and then leave.  Walmart is a cancer on America and it is no wonder she chose them, birds of a feather.

[film noire]

15 hours ago, ariel said:

 The finger puppet Pope.  I'll admit, I'm a recovering Catholic, but I do find it rude to stick your finger up the Pope's butt (especially the current one). It appears like he will also stick to your fridge. Ree's version of the Pope is quite the multitasker.

Raised Catholic (and fully in recovery ;). And I'm not a cheerleader for the Church (especially after watching yet another horrific abuse story in "The Keepers") but I can just imagine the squawking from certain sections of Ree's audience if she'd taken one of their sacred figures and turned it into a tacky finger puppet.

[peacheslatour]

54 minutes ago, film noire said:

Raised Catholic (and fully in recovery ;). And I'm not a cheerleader for the Church (especially after watching yet another horrific abuse story in "The Keepers") but I can just imagine the squawking from certain sections of Ree's audience if she'd taken one of their sacred figures and turned it into a tacky finger puppet.

There are certain varieties of Protestants who don't think Catholics are even Christian. She may be one of them.

[ariel]

2 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

There are certain varieties of Protestants who don't think Catholics are even Christian. She may be one of them.

I think she is.  I wonder if she'll have finger puppets of Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson ?

[peacheslatour]

4 minutes ago, ariel said:

I think she is.  I wonder if she'll have finger puppets of Jerry Falwell & Pat Robertson ?

Actually, it's a pretty impressive group. Statesmen, civil rights activists, writers, poets and scientists. I was surprised and I am completely serious about wanting them all. Well, maybe not Marie Curie who seems to have a mustache for some reason. It's really an eclectic bunch though. Andy Warhol, Sojourner Truth, Moses and Sylvia Plath among others.

[3pwood]

43 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Actually, it's a pretty impressive group. Statesmen, civil rights activists, writers, poets and scientists. I was surprised and I am completely serious about wanting them all. Well, maybe not Marie Curie who seems to have a mustache for some reason. It's really an eclectic bunch though. Andy Warhol, Sojourner Truth, Moses and Sylvia Plath among others.

The list of names at the end of Peacheslatour's post shows how omission of the serial (aka Oxford) comma can lead to misunderstanding -- when I read "Moses and Sylvia Plath", I first thought PW had included a token nice Jewish couple.

But it is an eclectic list -- so diverse that it extends to another species with Moby Dick.

[Aquarius]

"Prove you're as wacky as Ree and collect them all!"

Yeah, no thanks.

Why does Helen Keller look like Deborah Harry?

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295171

And Rosa Parks looks like Sammy Davis, Jr.

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295427

And Eleanor Roosevelt.  I don't think there's a word in English to describe this.  Maybe "covfefe".

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295683

[jcbrown]

20 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

"Prove you're as wacky as Ree and collect them all!"

Yeah, no thanks.

Why does Helen Keller look like Deborah Harry?

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295171

And Rosa Parks looks like Sammy Davis, Jr.

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295427

And Eleanor Roosevelt.  I don't think there's a word in English to describe this.  Maybe "covfefe".

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295683

Marry me, please.

ETA: My husband points out that the Eleanor Roosevelt one looks like Ringo Starr in drag. I'm still going with your description even though I do not think he is wrong.

Edited June 1, 2017 by jcbrown

[Lura]

I think Ree pored through magazines and found a project her kids could make for Arts and Crafts, although they look like something that Charlie (RIP) might have made.  Superwoman reminds me of Giada.  She has a mouth that would fit 1001 teeth.

Edited June 1, 2017 by Lura

[peacheslatour]

Apparently Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth were identical twins, who knew?

[Lura]

Today's episode (re-run) had Ree cooking for the cowboys again -- all Mexican, natch.  She grilled some chicken outside, but first she marinated it in citrus.  She lay the bags of chicken and marinade into the refrigerator standing up, and all of the marinade went to the bottom, touching only a couple of chicken legs.  For a brief second, one of the bags fell on its side, and it covered ALL of the chicken like it should have.  Can she not see what she's doing?  Then, adding insult to injury, she removes the chicken from the grill while it's still all white!  A few of the pieces had some caramelization, but most of it looked totally raw to me.  I don't think I could have eaten it.  All in all, not my favorite meal.  I also wanted to count the number of times she used the word "love" ("Ladd loves this."  "The cowboys are gonna love this meal," but I couldn't be bothered.

[ariel]

I'd like to see the cowboy from the Village People show Ree what a real cowboy looks like.

[Lura]

20 hours ago, ariel said:

I'd like to see the cowboy from the Village People show Ree what a real cowboy looks like.

OMG!  That VP cowboy would really dance after one of Ree's Mexican meals.

[cathy]

I'm watching her show now..."It's shipping season"!!  They are weighing the cattle and will now send them off to a gruesome death.  Recently I was looking at the animal charity website "mercyforanimals.org" and what happens to these animals is absolutely sickening.  Ree makes everything seem so wholesome, but those poor cows.  I realize that many ranchers are kind honorable people, but the way the cattle are slaughtered just bothers me.  I am thinking of becoming a vegetarian.  

[cathy]

Now she is making Baked Alaska.  She says that she used to think Baked Alaska was named that because of icebergs(??) but now she knows that it was created to celebrate Alaska becoming a state.  What a liar.  I don't believe anyone is that stupid.  She tells these weird lies because she thinks it makes her more charming and likeable.  Maybe her fans will eat that up, but most people with 2 brain cells to rub together can see through it.  Today's show features mostly store bought, processed foods "turned into something special." And turned into something so fancy you can serve it to the queen if she stops by.  I don't know who writes her script, but they need to be replaced.  She is way too hokey.

[ariel]

2 hours ago, cathy said:

Now she is making Baked Alaska.  She says that she used to think Baked Alaska was named that because of icebergs(??) but now she knows that it was created to celebrate Alaska becoming a state.  What a liar.  I don't believe anyone is that stupid.  She tells these weird lies because she thinks it makes her more charming and likeable.  Maybe her fans will eat that up, but most people with 2 brain cells to rub together can see through it.  Today's show features mostly store bought, processed foods "turned into something special." And turned into something so fancy you can serve it to the queen if she stops by.  I don't know who writes her script, but they need to be replaced.  She is way too hokey.

Ree & Sara Palin should get together for lunch (if they haven't already).  I think they would have a lot in common to talk about.

[Natalie68]

On 5/31/2017 at 7:37 PM, Aquarius said:

"Prove you're as wacky as Ree and collect them all!"

Yeah, no thanks.

Why does Helen Keller look like Deborah Harry?

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295171

And Rosa Parks looks like Sammy Davis, Jr.

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295427

And Eleanor Roosevelt.  I don't think there's a word in English to describe this.  Maybe "covfefe".

https://www.themercantile.com/collections/rees-picks/products/finger-puppets-fridge-magnets?variant=28275295683

These are pure crap!  They look really poorly made.  It looks like she is trying to steal the idea of Archie McPhee style dolls such as Crazy Cat Lady, Jane Austin, Edgar Allen Poe etc.   https://mcphee.com/collections/action-figures

I am fond of the Crazy Cat Lady one myself...

[peacheslatour]

27 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

These are pure crap!  They look really poorly made.  It looks like she is trying to steal the idea of Archie McPhee style dolls such as Crazy Cat Lady, Jane Austin, Edgar Allen Poe etc.   https://mcphee.com/collections/action-figures

I am fond of the Crazy Cat Lady one myself...

Yeah, those are way nicer than Ree's fourth grade crafting effort.

[ShellSeeker]

I had a repeat of this show on this morning, and my husband came downstairs. When he saw what was on, he rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, what's she making today? Franks and beans?" And then she did the "Spicy Sausage Dogs" recipe. We laughed and laughed. Then when she made her fruit tarts on the new episode, he thought all she was doing was making sugar cookies out of store-bought dough, and couldn't believe it. LOL.

[grisgris]

Hey, did anybody catch the new (at last!) episode of "Barefoot Contessa" today? Ina featured the chef at the Spotted Pig in Manhattan preparing her special grilled cheese sandwich. Guess how she prepared the bread? She spread butter on the outside and then topped it with Parmesan cheese! How dare she rip off Ree!!!  Sheesh ... Needless to say, this sandwich looked far better as actual thought was put into the cheese filling, not just throwing together whatever hodge-podge was molding away in the refrigerator cold drawer.

[ariel]

Was the chef April Bloomfield?  I'm sorry I missed that.  The Spotted Pig in on my list of restaurants to go to.

[Lura]

I've always liked April Bloomfield.  About five years ago, she tried out to be a contestant on one of those shows but didn't make it.  There was a large group of people from The Spotted Pig (regular customers) from The Spotted Pig who were cheering her on.  You could tell that they adored her.

[film noire]

On 5/31/2017 at 10:56 PM, jcbrown said:

Marry me, please.

I'll fight you for  @Aquarius 's hand in marriage -- sticks of butter at ten paces!  (That Rosa Park/Sammy Davis line ALONE would get us to our ten year anniversary -- so funny!) 

Edited June 6, 2017 by film noire

[film noire]

Plath done by Pioneer Woman (first one) vs Plath done by Unemployed Philosopher's Guild; I know they're likely both riffing on the same photo of Plath, but still....

https://www.writersstore.com/magnetic-personality-finger-puppets/?source=igodigital?source=igodigital

 

Edited June 5, 2017 by film noire

[Lura]

I think those finger puppets are the ugliest-looking pieces of trash I've seen in a long time.  The noses alone make them look like they're all members of the same family.  I wouldn't have those in my kitchen (or any other room) if somebody paid me.  I think that Ree flipped out one day from living out in the middle of nowhere, dug under her bed for her dusty basket of old yarn, and began knitting furiously -- and these things are the outcome of her emotional breakdown.  What I think I need is a book, written by someone who knows her well, called "Understanding Ree", that contains explanations of her and her way of thinking.

Speaking of ugly confusion, did everyone see her new dinnerware plate which was given a prominent close-up on her counter, intended to hold her brownies or something?  The plate, like most of Ree's collection, was a riot of color, a conglomeration of all the world's flowers in one circular pattern.  Ree loves flowers; her artist friend loves flowers; and a new pattern, a riot of primary-colored blooms, is born! 

[grisgris]

Quote

 

I guess I am confused. Did Ree design and create those finger puppets sold at the Merc? I thought they were just more random merchandise that she resells. Doesn't Hyacinth do most of the scouting and buying of the good sold? (I thought that was her official "job" for Ree.) I am happy thinking that this is some deliberate prank by Hy to choose something hideous and bizarre and let the joke be on Ree!

[ariel]

3 hours ago, grisgris said:

 I am happy thinking that this is some deliberate prank by Hy to choose something hideous and bizarre and let the joke be on Ree!

I hope so.  That would be delicious. ;)

[film noire]

6 hours ago, grisgris said:

 I am happy thinking that this is some deliberate prank by Hy to choose something hideous and bizarre and let the joke be on Ree!

On the one hand, that would ruin my pet theory of Hy (she's a Patty Hearst-like figure who has bonded with her captor,  Ree) on the other (puppet wearing) hand: how sweet if Hy's working a con on the con woman herself.

Edited June 6, 2017 by film noire

[film noire]

...honestly,  guys -- isn't this the strained terror-in-my-eyes smile you'd wear if someone like the Unabomber took you hostage and you were trying to connect with him? ("Oh Ted, I agree! Technology is the devil! And don't get me started on Siri!")

Edited June 8, 2017 by film noire

[peacheslatour]

19 hours ago, film noire said:

...honestly,  guys -- isn't this the strained terror-in-my-eyes smile you'd wear if someone like the Unibomber took you hostage and you were trying to connect with him? ("Oh Ted, I agree! Technology is the devil! And don't get me started on Siri!")

Oh my. Hey Hy, blink twice if you need help.

[cathy]

Well today I went to China-mart (I mean Walmart) to look at her magazine.  It was not at the check out counter, but in their magazine section.  For those who don't want to bother driving to Chinamart, here is a run down of the magazine.  It is the "summer" edition, and costs $3.99.  In the front of the magazine is an announcement of a contest to take a survey about the magazine and be entered to win $5,000.  On the last page is a "caption contest" "write a caption for this picture of Walter and win $500.  Inside you have a lot of standard advertisements.  I did not see one for Land O' Lakes butter, so I wonder if they dropped her?  She used to be their spokes- person.  There are of course recipies, one article of recipies containing Dr. Pepper soda.  Dr. Pepper pulled pork, Dr. Pepper vanilla floats, Dr. Pepper cupcakes, and so on, ad nausium (literally nausium).  One big article, "The city girl and the cowboy."  I skimmed it, it said that she did not know who he was in that smokey bar as she looked into his limpid green eyes.  (Puke).  The same old lie about how they met.  There was a big patriotic article on "Our flag."  A big article on the merc, with pictures, of course.  An article on remembering Charlie.  An article about a black woman who loves to collect aprons (need to get the token minority in there somewhere).  "Ladd Drummond walks us through a typical summer day at the ranch," And a how to make Todd's birthday cake.  It was a letter "13" chocolate cake, with candies piled on top of it.  An ask Ree section.  Maybe I should write in and ask her why all of her products are made in China.  More recipies, all unhealthy, like blueberry scones (scones are the highest glycemic index food there is, very fattening).  An article on gingham clothes, which were actually quite nice. She is selling flowy tunics at the merc.  This magazine is really just a standard mindless woman's magazine, only she is mostly promoting herself.  The ranch this, the ranch that.  The world is obsessed with her ranch, because it is so unique and special.  She also buys her audience, win this, win that.  Oprah did this for years.  I looked at her website a few days ago, she had a giveaway of painted jugs.  One woman put in the comments section "thank you for your generosity."  What a dummy.  The stuff given away is a tax write-off, and is click bait, Ree is helping herself, not you stupid.  I wonder how many of Ree's  elderly shut in type fans will make the effort to get in their scooters and buy this literary masterpiece, this Pulitzer contender.  I was looking at the other magazines next to it, mostly cooking, quilting.  I like the quilting.  With the cooking, it is the same stuff over and over again, I know how to make it all.  I wonder how these magazines stay afloat.  Most woman's magazines are stupid, and half of the content is advertisements.  And too expensive, for what you get!  So I wonder if her magazine will last more than a year.  I wonder if the merc will stay open.  When will people get tired of the ranch.  Ree is a one trick pony.  It is astonishing that people lap it up the way they do.

[Lura]

Quote

It is astonishing that people lap it up the way they do.

It sure is! 

I might be mistaken, but I'm thinking that if the Merc had to close, that would be one, giant tax write-off.  And just think -- Hy could collect unemployment!  (Not sure about that, either, but it's fun thinking about when the devil takes over!)  Hy loves the cameras, and her daughter loves them almost as much, or more.

I don't think I'll be buying Ree's magazine very soon.  Too many ads is a turn-off for me, and the articles sound like Blog Revisited.  She doesn't miss an opportunity to rave about Ladd's sex appeal.  That may be what keeps him interested.  Who wouldn't love hearing how blue his eyes are, being given the nickname Marlboro Man, and being told every time he grilled a steak that it was the best, most perfect steak he's done?  He's easy, and she knows it.

[Mnemosyne]

-

Edited June 10, 2017 by Mnemosyne
Wrong thread

[chessiegal]

We're in London, and I had forgotten that FN UK subjects its watchers to PW. Poor watchers - hope they don't judge all Americans based on her (although they also seem to show lots of Guy Fieri - ugh). It is a pleasure to see lots of Jamie Oliver.

[peacheslatour]

Love Jamie Oliver. Does Nigella have any new shows?

[chessiegal]

Haven't seen any Nigella, but our time in the hotel room is minimal.  I was amused by a commercial on FN UK that invited viewers to let them know what shows they liked and in what time slots. Can you imagine that in the US? I think not.

[peacheslatour]

We should create a Ree to Normal Person Dictionary.

Not too, too much:  Too much

Buncha:  Precisely  28 mll

Build (fill in the blank food) :  Make a sandwich

Because I can:  Fuck you

[film noire]

10 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

We should create a Ree to Normal Person Dictionary.

Not too, too much:  Too much

Buncha:  Precisely  28 mll

Build (fill in the blank food) :  Make a sandwich

Because I can:  Fuck you

Didn't have time to post this yesterday -- "Precisely 28 mil" -- so, so funny.

[Lura]

Caption over Hy's picture (above):

"So, ladies, if YOU want YOUR bathroom tiles to look sparkling clean and shiny, remember:  Use LESTER'S AMAZING "GRIME AWAY" on YOUR tiles tomorrow!  Say bye-bye to all those nasty stains just like REE did here at the Merc!   "GRIME AWAY" kills those tell-tale odors, too -- like moldy gooey buns, bacon grease, ham 'n honey, and WORST OF ALL, SAUSAGE!!!!  Let your bathroom glisten like Ree's -- and tell 'em HY sentcha!"

[film noire]

10 minutes ago, Lura said:

Caption over Hy's picture (above):

"So, ladies, if YOU want YOUR bathroom tiles to look sparkling clean and shiny, remember:  Use LESTER'S AMAZING "GRIME AWAY" on YOUR tiles tomorrow!  Say bye-bye to all those nasty stains just like REE did here at the Merc!   "GRIME AWAY" kills those tell-tale odors, too -- like moldy gooey buns, bacon grease, ham 'n honey, and WORST OF ALL, SAUSAGE!!!!  Let your bathroom glisten like Ree's -- and tell 'em HY sentcha!"

LOL, Lura!

"Welcome to Home Shopping in Hy's Bunker! Deals, steals and hostage meals!"

[peacheslatour]

37 minutes ago, film noire said:

LOL, Lura!

"Welcome to Home Shopping in Hy's Bunker! Deals, steals and hostage meals!"

" Lulz! And don't forget- Buy gold!"

[Lura]

THIS JUST IN!!!  THIS JUST IN!!!

Hi, folks!  Hy here!  I have the MOST  exciting news for all of you Lester's Amazing GRIME AWAY fans!  NOW, everyone out there in TV land who buys a box of the amazing GRIME AWAY will find a coupon inside the box!  Not just ANY coupon!   No less than Ree Drummond at The Merc has teamed up with Lester's Amazing GRIME AWAY to offer you 50% OFF of any of Ree's darling Hand Puppets!!!  Ree herself crafted these original, clever puppets -- or call them magnets if you wish -- during that terrible dust storm we had last summer.  Isn't that just like Ree?  "Make money while the sun shines, and make puppets when that wind blows up on ya!"  Hennyway, these precious little puppets, which normally sell at the Merc for $12.95 each, can now be YOURS for only $6 dollars and change!!  They'll find their way into your homes, offices and even Christmas stockings, 'n your kiddies can play shadow puppets on your walls!!!

 

                                                 OUCH!!!  DAM, YOU LITTLE TROLLOP!!!

Sorry, folks, but this ugly little witch in the green sweater just bit my finger!  Honey, YOU'RE headed for Neverland!!  (Flushes it down the toilet.)  *Rolls eyes... resumes plastic smile.*

So, remember folks, this is a once-in-a-lifetime deal unless we get another dust storm, so grab that box of Lester's GRIME WAY, snatch that coupon outta that box, 'n run (don't walk) to the Merc!  Own a genuine piece of Ree!  THANKS, FOLKS!

 

Aside to a cameraman:  Who writes this copy?  I wanna sound sophisticated!  *snort*  I'm gonna talk to Ree about this!  Which reminds me -- I need more blouses!  I'm not about to be Ree's spokeswoman wearin' the same old blouse!  She treats me like a ragamuffin! 

[film noire]

@Lura 

[peacheslatour]

Brilliant Lura, take a bow!

[Lura]

I wonder whether anyone else feels that Ree overdoes things when she raves about her father.  I've always thought there was only one episode in which Papa Bill and Patsy drove out to the ranch for dinner, but today I saw the second episode (much like the first).  After going on and on about how crazy she was about him, Ree stopped the action, stared straight into the camera, and proclaimed forcefully, "I LOVE MY DAD."  I thought she had gone bonkers.  I had a wonderful dad who was probably my greatest blessing in life, but I know that I would have embarrassed him if I'd carried on in public about how incredible he was.   Papa Bill seems to be kind to Ree and accepts her glorifying him, hanging all over him like a child, taking his hand, telling him again how much she loves him -- but I'm not so sure he enjoys her displays of affection.  I almost think something is wrong with Ree.  Does anyone else find her fawning to be excessive?

[SanLynn]

I am often annoyed by her fawning... whether it's with her father, father n law, Edna Mae. All of it seems so forced and for the camera.  But then I often wonder when I'm watching if Ree ever has a genuine moment on camera. 

[ariel]

1 hour ago, SanLynn said:

 All of it seems so forced and for the camera.  But then I often wonder when I'm watching if Ree ever has a genuine moment on camera. 

I don't think she does. She's a fame whore.

[peacheslatour]

14 hours ago, SanLynn said:

I am often annoyed by her fawning... whether it's with her father, father n law, Edna Mae. All of it seems so forced and for the camera.  But then I often wonder when I'm watching if Ree ever has a genuine moment on camera. 

I nominated her show for my #1 hate watch for the Previously Awards. Vote tonight!

[grisgris]

Will do!

[Lisin]

Polls open at midnight tonight :) They'll be open until midnight Friday night.