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Small Talk: I Like Them All, I Just Can't Choose!

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SuprSuprElevated

SuprSuprElevated

Just now, Lord Donia said:

I appreciate all the kind thoughts for my dad, truly. I'm not able to do plane travel because of physical limitations, so it's a matter of waiting for the call to come. He had open heart surgery for a valve replacement when he was 80, so he's pretty tough. I'm very close to my stepmother and worry about her state of mind as well. She's the younger trophy wife at 91. ;-)

My dad also had open heart surgery at 80!  Quintuple bypass.  It knocked him back a few steps, but he went on and lived another 13 years.  Had it not been for stage 6/7 dementia, it's hard saying how long that tough ol' bird would have lasted.  I hope your family's challenges are resolved peacefully.

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SuspiciousMind

SuspiciousMind

Sending love to @Bronx Babe.  Even though hospice is that final step no one wants to take, you truly will be surrounded by angels (hospice staff as well as real angels!!) ... it's all so sad, but so sacred.   I will never forget the loveliness of the hospice workers who attended my late mama and Hospice by the Sea sounds like a wonderful place.

I'll have your family in my prayers.

lovemesomejoolery

lovemesomejoolery

2 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

My bald spots ain't getting any thicker and I've been on a wig-buying kick. I ordered this one mostly because it was on sale and I figured I could cut and style it better:

wig 1.JPG

And this is what it looked like when I got it:

wig2.JPG

Oh no!  I'm sorry it didn't work out like you thought.....can you fix it by cutting it and styling it as you had planned to do with the other one?

Seeing Mama made me giggle!  One of the best characters, ever!

Fishy

Fishy

2 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

My bald spots ain't getting any thicker and I've been on a wig-buying kick. I ordered this one mostly because it was on sale and I figured I could cut and style it better:

wig 1.JPG

And this is what it looked like when I got it:

wig2.JPG

Yikes - can you work with it?? - maybe brushing it and cutting some of the bulk out might help??

Fishy

Fishy

BB I was just thinking about your estranged brother and whether to tell him the circumstances surrounding your Mom.  I agree with others that if you can call, he needs to be told, basically just to cover all bases.  I myself was told by a therapist that I should disconnect from my Mother totally when I was younger.  She was a toxic person.  I couldn't do it though because being a Christian I truly believed in honoring thy Mother and Father.  Hearing your similar story with your brother just brought it all up for me again and how my life might have been different.

You said you and your Mom never really knew why he disconnected from the family.  During that time did your Mother ever talk about him or try to contact him or anything?  Hope I haven't offended you by getting too nosy, but I was just thinking that her actions or feelings during that time might determine what you do in terms of contacting him directly or indirectly and honoring what your Mother might want.  She is primary here.

Booney

Booney

1 hour ago, lovemesomejoolery said:

Oh no!  I'm sorry it didn't work out like you thought.....can you fix it by cutting it and styling it as you had planned to do with the other one?

Seeing Mama made me giggle!  One of the best characters, ever!

Totally agree! In fact, I loved that whole Mama's Family cast. I think it started as a running skit on the Carol Burnett show and then eventually became a stand-alone show. It always made me laugh!

zxy556575

zxy556575

(edited)

Yikes! Imminent peril! I coulda been killed!

Not really, but I was in this very drive through lane at Checkers a couple of weeks ago.

The paper said the "elderly" occupants (it is Florida) were able to get out of the car before the ground fully opened, so that's good.

sinkhole.JPG

Edited by Lord Donia
SuprSuprElevated

SuprSuprElevated

(edited)
2 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

Yikes! Imminent peril! I coulda been killed!

Not really, but I was in this very drive through lane at Checkers a couple of weeks ago.

The paper said the "elderly" occupants (it is Florida) were able to get out of the car before the ground fully opened, so that's good.

sinkhole.JPG

Wow!  Sinkholes and Florida seem to be a little too acquainted don't they.  The people that figure out how to scan for them with drones or something, are going to make a cruise ship full of simoleons!

Edited by SuprSuprElevated
TexasTiffany

TexasTiffany

7 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

My bald spots ain't getting any thicker and I've been on a wig-buying kick. I ordered this one mostly because it was on sale and I figured I could cut and style it better:

wig 1.JPG

And this is what it looked like when I got it:

wig2.JPG

OH that is funny! I wasn't expecting that!

@Lord Donia, my prayers are with you.

TexasTiffany

TexasTiffany

4 hours ago, Booney said:

Totally agree! In fact, I loved that whole Mama's Family cast. I think it started as a running skit on the Carol Burnett show and then eventually became a stand-alone show. It always made me laugh!

Carol Burnett as Eunice was hilarious, but there was also some sad reality to her as well. 

3 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

Yikes! Imminent peril! I coulda been killed!

Not really, but I was in this very drive through lane at Checkers a couple of weeks ago.

The paper said the "elderly" occupants (it is Florida) were able to get out of the car before the ground fully opened, so that's good.

sinkhole.JPG

Oh, wow. That's awful. I'm glad they got out safely.

Maybe not a drive thru, but certainly a "fall in". Would you like fries with that? 

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

Guess what, folks?  I left a voice message for my brother and he just called back.  Couldn't believe it.  I told him I hoped it was O.K. that I was whispering to Mom in order to make her feel better: "Philip, your son, loves you!  He said you were and are the best mother and is hoping you pull through!"  Phil was actually pleased I was doing this and said "Anything that makes her happy at the end of her life" but then followed this up with "But I'm not really concerned with our mother right now, tell me about you"  Cold-blooded much, lol?  He immediately started pumping me for information about all our relatives, what I've been doing, etc., then asked me:  "Will you be able to cope with our mother's death?" and I answered "Yes I believe so although of course it'll be traumatic and I'll be grief-stricken" and he goes "Of course I'm immune to all this because as you know I cut myself out of the family a long time ago"  He says "I'm glad you made the choice to look after our mother" and I tell him it wasn't a choice but a duty but he insists it was a choice so I just replied "Okay".  Phil kept telling me he was very glad I informed him of Mom's condition.  He said to keep in touch and we ended with "I love you".

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.....

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
On 6/11/2017 at 5:00 PM, ennui said:

Is he in the will?  :)  :)

If it were me, I'd send him a note with a copy of the obit. (Of course, nowadays, I guess it's an email with a link.) He should be told, but he must be aware that his mother is 96. If it meant anything to him, he would have made an effort. 

Something I've been meaning to ask ... BB, you have mentioned "getting the call" a few times. Do you not want to be present? Some do, some don't, I'm not judging, but you might give it some thought.

No, my mother left her condo and all its belongings to me because she and my brother had been estranged for such a long time.  However, ("side-baaahrrr") Mom for whatever reason took out a reverse mortgage about eight years or so ago -- she didn't need to but after her husband died (she married him a year after my father's death and spent 30 happy years with who she always said was her true "soul mate", not my dad) felt she'd be living on cat food or some such nonsense.  Well, like an old-time melodrama, the bank twirled its collective moustache and demanded their money after she left her apartment to move into assisted living.  I couldn't satisfy the loan so they snatched it up.  There went my so-called inheritance....

"Getting the call" -- I would feel guilty if my best friend takes me out to lunch or dinner even for a short time, just to relieve my stress and anxiety and have a pleasant comfort-food meal (deli or Chinese) and Mom passes just at the time I'm stuffing my piehole with a pastrami sandwich or moo goo gai pan.

Edited by Bronx Babe
Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

On 6/11/2017 at 6:08 PM, Rustybones said:

BB, I agree with Stacy's post.  I volunteered for a Hospice after retiring and when we went through the training we were taught that many times a loved one hangs on because they are waiting to see someone in the hope of resolving an issue, or waiting to just say goodbye to someone.

Thanks for responding, @Rustybones  I confessed to my brother that I've been telling Mom he loves her and he's fine with that, and apparently this lie makes her want to hang onto this world because she is still with us.  The nurses, doctors and volunteers are all amazed at Mom's strength.  

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
10 hours ago, Fishy said:

BB I was just thinking about your estranged brother and whether to tell him the circumstances surrounding your Mom.  I agree with others that if you can call, he needs to be told, basically just to cover all bases.  I myself was told by a therapist that I should disconnect from my Mother totally when I was younger.  She was a toxic person.  I couldn't do it though because being a Christian I truly believed in honoring thy Mother and Father.  Hearing your similar story with your brother just brought it all up for me again and how my life might have been different.

You said you and your Mom never really knew why he disconnected from the family.  During that time did your Mother ever talk about him or try to contact him or anything?  Hope I haven't offended you by getting too nosy, but I was just thinking that her actions or feelings during that time might determine what you do in terms of contacting him directly or indirectly and honoring what your Mother might want.  She is primary here.

@Fishy You could never offend me!  I think my brother believes Mom committed "sins of omission" by ignoring our father when Dad would lose his temper and get somewhat physical.  He thinks my mother  invariably sided with Dad because that's just what a "good" wife did back in the day.  So after moving to the West Coast and getting therapy, my brother cut off all contact with her.  Mom was either really in denial or genuinely couldn't understand why Philip didn't want anything to do with her because she kept asking me "Why doesn't he call or write?"  I could never answer her satisfactorily.

Edited by Bronx Babe
Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
8 hours ago, SuspiciousMind said:

Sending love to @Bronx Babe.  Even though hospice is that final step no one wants to take, you truly will be surrounded by angels (hospice staff as well as real angels!!) ... it's all so sad, but so sacred.   I will never forget the loveliness of the hospice workers who attended my late mama and Hospice by the Sea sounds like a wonderful place.

I'll have your family in my prayers.

@SuspiciousMind  Oh thank you so much for those kind thoughts.  I'm so glad your dear mother had a blessed hospice experience during her final days.

I saw the movie Michael for the first time, the one with John Travolta as a slovenly, lustful angel, and loved it, lol.  He was wonderful. ("I invented marriage....")  Touching and funny.

Edited by Bronx Babe
lovemesomejoolery

lovemesomejoolery

(edited)
47 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

Guess what, folks?  I left a voice message for my brother and he just called back.  Couldn't believe it.  I told him I hoped it was O.K. that I was whispering to Mom in order to make her feel better: "Philip, your son, loves you!  He said you were and are the best mother and is hoping you pull through!"  Phil was actually pleased I was doing this and said "Anything that makes her happy at the end of her life" but then followed this up with "But I'm not really concerned with our mother right now, tell me about you"  Cold-blooded much, lol?  He immediately started pumping me for information about all our relatives, what I've been doing, etc., then asked me:  "Will you be able to cope with our mother's death?" and I answered "Yes I believe so although of course it'll be traumatic and I'll be grief-stricken" and he goes "Of course I'm immune to all this because as you know I cut myself out of the family a long time ago"  He says "I'm glad you made the choice to look after our mother" and I tell him it wasn't a choice but a duty but he insists it was a choice so I just replied "Okay".  Phil kept telling me he was very glad I informed him of Mom's condition.  He said to keep in touch and we ended with "I love you".

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.....

It sounds like you had a good conversation then?  He showed concern for you as well as gratitude for taking care of your mom - whether choice or duty, it was his way of thanking you.  

I hope this gives you some measure of peace.  It wasn't an easy phone call for you to make, but you've done the right thing by letting him know.  I'm relieved that he called you back.  Maybe in your mom's passing, the two of you can reconnect in some small way? 

Edited by lovemesomejoolery
zoemom

zoemom

9 hours ago, Jaded said:

@Lord Donia I'm sorry that wig ended up looking like Mama's in person. Posting a picture of her as an example made me laugh out loud though.

Lord Donia - LOL!!!!! Your post gave me a big chuckle >:-)! 

Really, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you!!!!  I have very wiry, coarse curly hair, that only gets frizzier when it rains or is humid.  If I could afford to, I'd be going to the salon once a month to keep it under control.  Unfortunately, I usually can only manage to get in every eight to ten weeks, so those last couple weeks my hair really gets out of control.  I've ordered (and returned!) many a wig, either saw them online or on a shopping channel.  They've always disappointed - they either don't look like they are advertised or are too small and/or look really "fake".  So glad to "see" that I'm not the only one who has had this same experience!!!!!!

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

13 hours ago, imisspuddy said:

BB: Once again, we are in a similar position.  Tell your brother.  Perhaps Hospice can be the one to make the call.  I am hoping that when the time comes, the nursing home or hospice will make the call for me.  That way you know you did all you could and no one can come back and excuse you of anything.  Hugs.

Lord Donia:  Sending hugs and good thoughts.

I'm glad I called my brother and was astounded that he called back, although in the back of my mind I actually had a slight notion that he would.  I don't know why.  

Coffeecup

Coffeecup

26 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

No, my mother left her condo and all its belongings to me because she and my brother had been estranged for such a long time.  However, ("side-baaahrrr") Mom for whatever reason took out a reverse mortgage about eight years or so ago -- she didn't need to but after her husband died (she married him a year after my father's death and spent 30 happy years with who she always said was her true "soul mate", not my dad) felt she'd be living on cat food or some such nonsense.  Well, like an old-time melodrama, the bank twirled its collective moustache and demanded their money after she left her apartment to move into assisted living.  I couldn't satisfy the loan so they snatched it up.  There went my so-called inheritance....

"Getting the call" -- I would feel guilty if my best friend takes me out to lunch or dinner even for a short time, just to relieve my stress and anxiety and have a pleasant comfort-food meal (deli or Chinese) and Mom passes just at the time I'm stuffing my piehole with a pastrami sandwich or moo goo gai pan.

I'm so glad you decided to call your brother and he responded (more or less) politely. Now you have that chore behind you.

Blessings to your mom and you.

Holy shit, what a way for the bank to grab your inheritance. I wish elderly people would think it through before they sign up for a reverse mortgage.

I'm seeing a lot of TV commercials urging elderly people to sell their life insurance policies to "pay medical bills" or "just enjoy your retirement" (complete with laughing, attractive middle-aged actors frolicking on a beach or otherwise enjoying themelves). It gives me the creeps. Description of this practice: "Termed a “viatical settlement” for the terminally ill, or a “life settlement” for seniors, close-to-death policy holders sell their life insurance to a third party for an immediate cash payout. That third party, known as a life settlements broker, then assumes monthly payments on the policy and becomes its beneficiary, receiving a large cash sum when the original policy holder dies.

"According to the article, life settlement brokers, such Opulen Capital and Lifeline Program, are essentially reaping the rewards of betting on the patient’s quick death. When presented with the opportunity to purchase a person's life insurance policy, the broker takes ownership of that patient’s medical records, discusses his condition with his doctors, and talks to the patient himself to determine how much longer he most likely has to live. The reason for this is simple and significant―the longer the patient lives, the longer the broker has to maintain premium payments, which eat into his final profit. Therefore, patients with only several months to live are the most “valuable” while those with say, five years left to live, are less so..." source: http://www.takepart.com/article/2012/08/18/your-money-your-life-selling-your-life-insurance-cash-may-just-be-new-retirement "Your Money For Your Life: Selling Your Life Insurance for Cash May Just Be The New Retirement Fund"

They sound exactly like vultures, don't they? Ugh. If you sell your policy, the original beneficiary -- your spouse, child or other loved one -- gets nothing when you die.

***

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
On 6/11/2017 at 9:26 PM, zoemom said:

Bronx Babe, thank you for the update regarding your mom.  I "welled up" a bit while reading it, I know you were a bit reluctant to take this step, but I'm so pleased to read that you are comfortable with your decision.   I'm such a proponent of hospice.    Hospice by the Sea sounds lovely; I'm sure you feel relieved that you can spend as much time as you want with your mom and additionally can see that she is receiving proper care and is comfortable.  I'm sure, even if her eyes are closed, she knows that you are by her side.  

With regard to your brother, I agree with what others here have posted.  Give him a call.  He's an adult, if he responds (or doesn't) at least you have done your part.  After that, let it go.  This is a difficult enough time for you without any additional stress.   You don't need to worrying about someone, who for whatever reason, has decided to close the door.   You need to stay present and focused for you and your mom and try not to let his "behavior" invade your time together.  I don't know if you would want (or feel comfortable) in discussing the situation with the staff at Hospice by the Sea, they might have some suggestions in how to approach this as well.  

Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your mom.

@zoemom  I am really astounded at the level of care and dedication the hospice experience encompasses.  I think my skepticism was just fear that it represents the final stage and I was pushing this thought away.

I do wonder now how close my brother and I will become after Mom passes.  He did say he wants to keep in touch with me, which is remarkable.

Thanks my friend for your warm thoughts!

Edited by Bronx Babe
imisspuddy

imisspuddy

7 minutes ago, Bronx Babe said:

I'm glad I called my brother and was astounded that he called back, although in the back of my mind I actually had a slight notion that he would.  I don't know why.  

I'm so glad you did and that it turned out the way it did. It sounds like, hopefully, some of the anxiety surrounding him will lessen and now you can just concentrate on being with your mother.  

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

On 6/11/2017 at 7:33 PM, Lord Donia said:

@Bronx Babe, thanks for keeping us updated on your mom's condition. I'm relieved to hear she was moved to a hospice facility -- every place I've had contact with over the years has been absolutely wonderful. It's so nice to be able to spend unlimited time there, with visitors welcomed and made comfortable. Peaceful wishes to you in this most stressful of times.

As for informing your brother, knowing the little I do about you, I think you'd feel bad if you didn't. Best to email or leave him a voicemail and pass the responsibility onto him. It doesn't sound like he's apt to respond but this way you don't leave yourself open to him possibly accusing you of deception at a later date.

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

@Lord Donia  I'm so sorry that your own physical challenges are making it impossible for you to visit your father at this time but he does indeed sound like a tough, strong guy and hopefully can recover.  I am sending my warmest wishes for his improved health, and for your peace of mind.

Thanks so much for all your kind words!  I'm really so happy to have Mom in this hospice facility -- they really do make it all about the patient and their families.  Truly amazing.

And now the miracle of my brother calling me back!

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
On 6/11/2017 at 6:20 PM, TexasTiffany said:

 

 

My reason for mentioning how nice the room sounds, is I remember the room where my mom passed. It was a dingy gray dirty-looking room at the hospital. I wished better for my mom. I know there are more important things going on than what the room looked like. For me, I would have liked my mom to have been more comfortable with something pleasant. 

I understand completely.  The entire experience is replayed in our minds when we go through these traumatic situations, down to each little detail.  I'm certain, however, that your mother passed knowing how much you loved and cared for her, and that this in the end gave her peace.  

29 minutes ago, imisspuddy said:

I'm so glad you did and that it turned out the way it did. It sounds like, hopefully, some of the anxiety surrounding him will lessen and now you can just concentrate on being with your mother.  

Oh me too, thank you!

Edited by Bronx Babe
Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

.

42 minutes ago, Coffeecup said:

I'm so glad you decided to call your brother and he responded (more or less) politely. Now you have that chore behind you.

Blessings to your mom and you.

Holy shit, what a way for the bank to grab your inheritance. I wish elderly people would think it through before they sign up for a reverse mortgage.

I'm seeing a lot of TV commercials urging elderly people to sell their life insurance policies to "pay medical bills" or "just enjoy your retirement" (complete with laughing, attractive middle-aged actors frolicking on a beach or otherwise enjoying themelves). It gives me the creeps. Description of this practice: "Termed a “viatical settlement” for the terminally ill, or a “life settlement” for seniors, close-to-death policy holders sell their life insurance to a third party for an immediate cash payout. That third party, known as a life settlements broker, then assumes monthly payments on the policy and becomes its beneficiary, receiving a large cash sum when the original policy holder dies.

 

"According to the article, life settlement brokers, such Opulen Capital and Lifeline Program, are essentially reaping the rewards of betting on the patient’s quick death. When presented with the opportunity to purchase a person's life insurance policy, the broker takes ownership of that patient’s medical records, discusses his condition with his doctors, and talks to the patient himself to determine how much longer he most likely has to live. The reason for this is simple and significant―the longer the patient lives, the longer the broker has to maintain premium payments, which eat into his final profit. Therefore, patients with only several months to live are the most “valuable” while those with say, five years left to live, are less so..." source: http://www.takepart.com/article/2012/08/18/your-money-your-life-selling-your-life-insurance-cash-may-just-be-new-retirement "Your Money For Your Life: Selling Your Life Insurance for Cash May Just Be The New Retirement Fund"

They sound exactly like vultures, don't they? Ugh. If you sell your policy, the original beneficiary -- your spouse, child or other loved one -- gets nothing when you die.

***

Thanks so much for your warm thoughts, @Coffeecup

I saw a new reverse mortgage commercial with Tom Selleck.  He actually looked like Count Dracula.

How fitting.

CarpeDiem54

CarpeDiem54

2 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Guess what, folks?  I left a voice message for my brother and he just called back.  Couldn't believe it.  I told him I hoped it was O.K. that I was whispering to Mom in order to make her feel better: "Philip, your son, loves you!  He said you were and are the best mother and is hoping you pull through!"  Phil was actually pleased I was doing this and said "Anything that makes her happy at the end of her life" but then followed this up with "But I'm not really concerned with our mother right now, tell me about you"  Cold-blooded much, lol?  He immediately started pumping me for information about all our relatives, what I've been doing, etc., then asked me:  "Will you be able to cope with our mother's death?" and I answered "Yes I believe so although of course it'll be traumatic and I'll be grief-stricken" and he goes "Of course I'm immune to all this because as you know I cut myself out of the family a long time ago"  He says "I'm glad you made the choice to look after our mother" and I tell him it wasn't a choice but a duty but he insists it was a choice so I just replied "Okay".  Phil kept telling me he was very glad I informed him of Mom's condition.  He said to keep in touch and we ended with "I love you".

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.....

Yes, there certainly are miracles.  I'm so glad you had a good connection with your brother.

@Lord Donia - I forgot to give you {{HUGS}}.

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

2 hours ago, lovemesomejoolery said:

It sounds like you had a good conversation then?  He showed concern for you as well as gratitude for taking care of your mom - whether choice or duty, it was his way of thanking you.  

I hope this gives you some measure of peace.  It wasn't an easy phone call for you to make, but you've done the right thing by letting him know.  I'm relieved that he called you back.  Maybe in your mom's passing, the two of you can reconnect in some small way? 

Yes, we had a relatively heartfelt talk considering that my brother is not what one would call an emotional kind of guy.  He has hated my mother for over thirty years and that will never change.  Perhaps after she passes he might finally open up to me the reasons for all his hate and intense bitterness.  I'm sort of frightened to find out anything that would put Mom in a really horrible light.  No one is a perfect parent and yes I had a few issues with Mom myself but nothing that would make me want to cut her out of my life completely.

Bronx Babe

Bronx Babe

(edited)
On 6/11/2017 at 7:32 PM, seasons said:

@Bronx Babe - ?

 

Is your mother a New Yorker? 

My mom is. From the Bronx too.

My heart is breaking for you and your mom. Truly.

Yes she is, @seasons!  What part of the Bronx is your mom from?  We grew up on 190th Street and Aqueduct Avenue.  When my mother was a young girl her family lived briefly in Bethlehem, PA.

Thank you so much for your kind and caring thoughts.

Edited by Bronx Babe
Coffeecup

Coffeecup

10 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

Yikes! Imminent peril! I coulda been killed!

Not really, but I was in this very drive through lane at Checkers a couple of weeks ago.

The paper said the "elderly" occupants (it is Florida) were able to get out of the car before the ground fully opened, so that's good.

sinkhole.JPG

How scary! That's one of the biggest Florida sinkholes I've seen. If the car had fallen all the way down, the couple could have been killed. I'm so glad they got out of the car safely. I think I see a black and yellow road sign down in the bottom of the hole.

I heard that sinkholes appear in Florida all the time because the local bedrock is limestone, which is soft and prone to crumbling away. We have occasional sinkholes in my area, metro Atlanta, GA, which is on solid, hard, granite bedrock.  Our sinkholes are usually caused by water main breaks under the street, and the soil washes out from under the pavement. Our water system is very old, in many parts of the metro area, and those old mains are not in good condition. We are paying the highest water bill rates in the U.S. in order to fund a $4 billion water infrastructure repair project. I voted for that project, although every month when I open my water bill, I think I must have been crazy.

zoemom

zoemom

5 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

I do wonder now how close my brother and I will become after Mom passes.  He did say he wants to keep in touch with me, which is remarkable.

Thanks my friend for your warm thoughts!

BB - I was thinking about you last night as I watched one of my most favorite movies, My Fair Lady on TCM.  I was only five when it came out, it was the first "real" movie I attended.   My mom always had a 'crush' on Rex Harrison and was a huge fan of any movie where Audrey Hepburn was featured.  It really is a timeless story and every time I watch it, it brings back warm memories with my mom.  Our first "girls day" was that movie.

I'm so pleased to hear about your conversation with your brother, hopefully you and he will be able to reconnect.  It's strange sometimes how a family member's serious illness/death can bring other members of the family back into the fold.  My dad's brother (my uncle) had a falling out with my dad soon after the death of their father.  It was over something quite silly, my grandfather revised his Will, he wanted my parents to receive an additional $500 dollars from his estate, due to the fact they were in town and had spent a great deal of time taking care of him, making meals, driving him to chemo appointments. My aunt*(his wife) and my mom had "words" about this, a huge squabble took place and they hadn't spoken to each other for almost 15 years.    When the doctors determined that my dad wasn't going to get any "better" my brother called him just to let him know.  My uncle came down the next day to talk and visit with dad. Fortunately in the early stage of his illness my dad was able to talk with my uncle, they were both so sorry that such an silly issue had robbed them of precious time.  However he and my aunt sat with us when my dad went through surgeries and we reconnected. They live about six hours from me, but we keep in touch through e-mail and they have invited us to come for a visit this summer.  It's strange how this works, I'm just sorry for both of them because they lost all those years all due to a so small and silly issue.

SuprSuprElevated

SuprSuprElevated

8 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Guess what, folks?  I left a voice message for my brother and he just called back.  Couldn't believe it.  I told him I hoped it was O.K. that I was whispering to Mom in order to make her feel better: "Philip, your son, loves you!  He said you were and are the best mother and is hoping you pull through!"  Phil was actually pleased I was doing this and said "Anything that makes her happy at the end of her life" but then followed this up with "But I'm not really concerned with our mother right now, tell me about you"  Cold-blooded much, lol?  He immediately started pumping me for information about all our relatives, what I've been doing, etc., then asked me:  "Will you be able to cope with our mother's death?" and I answered "Yes I believe so although of course it'll be traumatic and I'll be grief-stricken" and he goes "Of course I'm immune to all this because as you know I cut myself out of the family a long time ago"  He says "I'm glad you made the choice to look after our mother" and I tell him it wasn't a choice but a duty but he insists it was a choice so I just replied "Okay".  Phil kept telling me he was very glad I informed him of Mom's condition.  He said to keep in touch and we ended with "I love you".

Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.....

Sounds like you made the correct decision to call him.  No sense causing yourself angst because of his issues.  It is resolved where your mom is concerned, and that was the most important thing at this time.

SuprSuprElevated

SuprSuprElevated

(edited)
3 hours ago, Coffeecup said:

Our water system is very old, in many parts of the metro area, and those old mains are not in good condition. We are paying the highest water bill rates in the U.S. in order to fund a $4 billion water infrastructure repair project. I voted for that project, although every month when I open my water bill, I think I must have been crazy.

The infrastructure of the entire country is in need of attention.  The folks in charge have been crossing their fingers for far too many years if not decades on this issue.  So instead of small taxes over time, it will be huge increases when something goes wrong.  If only they would let us run the world, lol.

Edited by SuprSuprElevated
Jaded

Jaded

7 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

.

Thanks so much for your warm thoughts, @Coffeecup

I saw a new reverse mortgage commercial with Tom Selleck.  He actually looked like Count Dracula.

How fitting.

Tom looked like he had his hair slathered in black shoe dye before he shot that commercial. It made me think less of him. Especially since his show Blue Bloods has been on for so long. I gave the same side eye to Henry Winkler when he did his. 

6 hours ago, Coffeecup said:

We are paying the highest water bill rates in the U.S. in order to fund a $4 billion water infrastructure repair project. I voted for that project, although every month when I open my water bill, I think I must have been crazy.

Here in MS there's a power plant that was supposed to have been completed by 2014 and is billions of dollars over budget. The completion date has already been put off twice this year.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kemper_Project

TexasTiffany

TexasTiffany

2 hours ago, Jaded said:

Tom looked like he had his hair slathered in black shoe dye before he shot that commercial. It made me think less of him. Especially since his show Blue Bloods has been on for so long. I gave the same side eye to Henry Winkler when he did his. 

Here in MS there's a power plant that was supposed to have been completed by 2014 and is billions of dollars over budget. The completion date has already been put off twice this year.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kemper_Project

I like Tom and Henry so it bothered me that they did this commercial. They aren't the type to need a reverse mortgage themselves. Do they believe what they're saying? They're usually stand up guys which makes me wonder if they really don't know? It's not like they really need the money from THIS since they could endorse other things if it was only money motivated. 

imisspuddy

imisspuddy

My dearest BB,

I am so very, very sorry. I am so glad that you were able to get her into hospice and also to speak with your brother.  Rest knowing you did everything possible to make your mother as comfortable as possible. My deepest condolences.  May God's strength and peace see you through.  Thank you for allowing us to share this time with you.   xoxo

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