S08.E02: Roxann and Barbara

[FormerMod-a1]

Roxann is a vibrant, beautiful 32-year old mother and former model who has successfully hidden her hoarding until now. She fears Child Protective Services will intervene if she doesn’t clean up her hoarded home. Barbara’s extreme hoarding has forced her out of her house. The city is ready to condemn the home and do a forced cleanup if she doesn’t take care of the problem.

 

 

[FormerMod-a1]

Sadly, I think it's too late for Barbara.  She's not going to change, she's going to cling to that house and all that's inside.  She's not even taking advantage of after care.

 

I'm glad Roxann was able to work through some things.  The last BSOJ looked like she was keeping it up and taking advantage of the after care therapy.  Her little boy is so cute, too.  

[Grommet]

Quite a contrast with these two. Barbara was clearly mentally unstable, with the usual hoarder's inability to gauge the value of things. Roxann seemed like someone whose life got away from her (new baby, dying mom) and just needed help getting organized. (I agreed with her that she didn't have too much fabric.) I'm not surprised she and her boyfriend split up, though - she's clearly a slob and he might be just a wee bit obsessive the other way. I think her house will be a mess again soon, but not a hoarded mess. But maybe that's how it starts! "Twenty years ago, Roxann's mother died of cancer and she never got over it." Cut to Joaquin talking about how he had to move to Aunt Monique's house so he could have some space.

[camom]

Roxann was overwhelmed, but she seemed kind of like a spoiled brat, too.  I wondered about the family dynamics.  I got the feeling that she and her sister aren't close at all.  And why does Roxann get the house that belonged to, apparently, grandpa.  

[LittleIggy]

I missed the beginning (watching Downton Abbey). The house Roxann - did she and her mom both clutter it up? Her mom had died only recently right? How long had Roxann lived there? The baby was too cute!

[AuntTora]

I guess "giving up and clearing goat trails" is the new model. Well, that's a whole lot more realistic than "coming back from final commercial magically the house is clean!" Dang I'm glad this show is back!

[all fall down]

Agree on most points about Roxann. She didn't seem like a true hoarder, so long as she can keep it under control. And she didn't really have that much fabric, if that was really all she had. The boyfriend was kind of a jerk, especially telling her to get rid of her kitchen chairs. The point of the cleanup isn't to leave the house bare. If that was her only kitchen table and chairs, then I see no reason not to keep them. They may have been old, but weren't part of the clutter. If he hated them that much, he could have offered to replace them with something newer. 

 

Barbara was a sad case. I have a feeling she may eventually get things done, if they take a different slower approach. She was deep in grief and seemed totally overwhelmed. Clearly her hoarding didn't happen overnight, but I think if her family continues to support her and slowly go through things, I think she might get rid of them. But they will have to constantly reassure her that they care, and she needs a lot of support. Without that, she won't get any better. 

 

I wonder if her younger son feels some guilt for starting the fire that changed her. I hope he doesn't carry that burden with him. He didn't seem to. 

[Cherrio]

I didn't get why there were those store racks holding clothes in her mother's bedroom, unless her mother had been a hoarder too. Roxann's story seemed a little disjointed, with the sister fight thrown in by or provoked by producers.   I did not and never do like to see children in any kind of hoarding situation. Her kitchen was also really dirty and a child should not be living in filth.

 

Barbara, like Judy from the earlier episode is too far gone. She expertly uses crying and screaming to divert attention way from dealing with it. She also had the Baby Jane make up going on.

      The house should be been condemned because she is an extreme danger to her neighbors.  I have zero tolerance for people who endanger the lives of children and others. They may be mentally ill, but they need to be stopped before they hurt or kill someone.

[Primetimer]

Hoarders tries to clean up two Pennsylvania homes, but are these grieving women ready to move forward?

Read the story

[JudyObscure]

"I'm never going to learn! It's going to make me bitter!"

Barbara speaks for hoarders everywhere. Also: "What is the point of having a house if you don't have anything?" "Anything," defined as floor to ceiling crappola.

That fire would have made a lot of women grateful that none of her ten children were hurt, but Barbara was permanently horrified that she lost all her trashy stuff. I hate hearing victims of fire, flood, tornado, etc. saying, "We lost everything," when clearly their pets and family made it out. All they usually really lost was some easily replaceable furniture and clothes. Now that most people have their family pictures on the internet, they can't even claim the loss of those.

I'm glad Roxanne and her boyfriend broke up, he couldn't let her keep her chairs, because he thought they were out of style? There's no compromise in that guy. I didn't like Monica either. I wanted to unclutter her tongue from that awful pink stud. Still, I think Camon might be on to something with Roxann being the favored sister and Monique jealous for a reason.

I'm glad this show is back, too!

[terrymct]

I'm glad Roxann was able to work through some things.  The last BSOJ looked like she was keeping it up and taking advantage of the after care therapy.  Her little boy is so cute, too.  

 

 

Roxann gave me hope.  She's the first person on Hoarders or the other show in a long time that I didn't leave me thinking she should be in assisted living.

I wonder if her younger son feels some guilt for starting the fire that changed her. I hope he doesn't carry that burden with him. He didn't seem to. 

 

I wondered if he might need a bit of therapy himself.  He had absolutely no emotion when he talked about it.

[Grommet]

JudyObscure, I had the same thought when Barbara said she lost everything - she didn't lose her kids! I know it must be overwhelming to lose all your possessions suddenly, but I think she was probably a hoarder already so her stuff was disproportionately valuable to her. (I did my usual exercise of "what would I take in a fire?" - the cats, my wallet, and my MST3K episode guide.)

 

The young nephew of a friend burned down my friend's parents' house playing with matches. My friends' parents did not become hoarders, but the nephew has gone on to destroying cars and flunking out of college.

[auntieminem]

Glad Roxanne seemed to be doing well.  Her hoard was not that bad and she seemed more like hoarder lite.   I too wonder if her mom may have had problems getting rid of things since she has only been gone a short time.  

 

I am curious if Barbara has been improving since she was getting after care.  

[notyrmomma]

Glad Roxanne seemed to be doing well.  Her hoard was not that bad and she seemed more like hoarder lite.   I too wonder if her mom may have had problems getting rid of things since she has only been gone a short time.  

Maybe Roxann was helped in time...before she becomes a Barbara or a Judy.

[JosieThePussycat]

Glad Roxanne seemed to be doing well.  Her hoard was not that bad and she seemed more like hoarder lite. 

 

YES, and wasn't that a nice little break from the poopy bathtub parade? Especially juxtaposed with Barbara. Gosh, she broke my heart.

 

I actually can see being long-term emotionally uprooted by losing everything you own as she was, provided you're inclined that way naturally.  One big trauma can throw an mentally delicate personality over the edge.

 

Jeez, the pain on her face. Ow, ow, ow.

[Irritable]

Quite a contrast with these two. Barbara was clearly mentally unstable, with the usual hoarder's inability to gauge the value of things. Roxann seemed like someone whose life got away from her (new baby, dying mom) and just needed help getting organized. (I agreed with her that she didn't have too much fabric.) I'm not surprised she and her boyfriend split up, though - she's clearly a slob and he might be just a wee bit obsessive the other way. I think her house will be a mess again soon, but not a hoarded mess. But maybe that's how it starts! "Twenty years ago, Roxann's mother died of cancer and she never got over it." Cut to Joaquin talking about how he had to move to Aunt Monique's house so he could have some space.

 Ouch!  I hadn't even thought about that "20 years later" scenario, but you nailed it with your perfect description.  I hope so much that does not end up being the case.  I also thought she was more overwhelmed and emotional than a truly hopeless hoarder, and while I was annoyed that she flounced off and left everyone standing around with nothing to do, at least she came back, was cooled down, and basically said that she didn't want to waste everyone's time and generosity by being an asshole.  Have we ever heard anyone else say that on this show after they threw a fit?  Usually, the hoarder comes back but still tries to justify storming away like a big baby.

 

I know it's heartbreaking for people who haven't experienced it in their lives to see an old woman saying she wishes she were dead, that she wants her children to just forget about her and let her rot in her filth, but when you are the person who has to hear their parent say these things every. single. time. you try to help them, you become immune to the words.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard things like, "WELL THEN JUST LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK IF SEEING THE WAY I LIVE IS SO HARD FOR YOU! PRETEND YOU NEVER HAD A MOTHER!" and "FINE, TAKE EVERYTHING I OWN AND TOSS ME OUT ON THE STREET/UNDER A BRIDGE/INTO A DITCH LIKE THE GARBAGE YOU THINK I AM.  I WISH I COULD DIE SOONER FOR YOU!", I would be a rich woman.  You eventually come to know that these are just tactics designed to make you immediately stop touching their things, or stop trying to tell them why they should get rid of some things themselves.  And when this drama works on other people who are new to the situation, who cluck sympathetically, hug them and look at you like you're some kind of monster for making your mom wish she was dead?  Well, you kind of want to punch everyone in the throat and drive off into the sunset while flipping a bird out the window.

[Grommet]

irritable, it sounds like you have some nasty first-hand experience with hoarding. My sympathies.

[Mojeaux]

You know, I really felt bad for Roxann.

 

Firstly, it had only been two months out from her grief, and only a few months out from having a baby. Helloooooo post-partum and then grieving the death of a mother with whom she had a very close relationship. I don't think forcing her to do that was appropriate, especially since she didn't (so far as I remember) have any actual CPS threats hovering over her (if I'm misremembering then I alter my position only slightly).

 

Secondly, it seemed to me that the older sister was far too pushy. It looked to me like she was goading Roxann on purpose and that this was a familiar pattern of control. They weren't close, the sister didn't seem to have been close with the mother, and it seemed to me like the sister was just trying to look like a badass for the cameras. I don't blame Roxann for walking off, ESPECIALLY because Standolyn wanted to LEAVE THE BOOKS THERE in the interest of being efficient and Roxann wanted the same thing, but the sister was the one who insisted the books had to go first. The whole thing was mishandled. If Standolyn and the hoarder are on the same page (heh), WTF is the problem?

 

And the boyfriend? OMG that was the matchup from hell. At the kitchen chair incident ("It's my only set; are you going to buy me new chairs?" "No."), he should've been tossed out on his ass.

 

Lastly, no, her fabric hoard was no hoard at all. It could've fit in one medium tub.

 

I don't think she was a hoarder at all. I think she needed grief counseling, possibly some post-partum counseling, and an organizer to help her get through the mom's stuff because the girl was clearly (physically) worn out and overwhelmed with zero support whatsoever.

[JudyObscure]

ESPECIALLY because Standolyn wanted to LEAVE THE BOOKS THERE in the interest of being efficient and Roxann wanted the same thing, but the sister was the one who insisted the books had to go first. The whole thing was mishandled. If Standolyn and the hoarder are on the same page (heh), WTF is the problem?

 

Good points all, Mojeaux!  I think the sister is probably the one who contacted the show because she wanted to be on teevee, and the show was delighted to have a pretty young model hoarder as opposed to the aged and overweight usual suspects.  Not that I don't enjoy seeing people like me on the set.

 

The book thing though. I actually thought big Sis sounded like she thought of book ownership as putting on airs and didn't want her sister, of whom she was clearly jealous, to be seen as smart as well as beautiful.

[Mojeaux]

The book thing though. I actually thought big Sis sounded like she thought of book ownership as putting on airs and didn't want her sister, of whom she was clearly jealous, to be seen as smart as well as beautiful.

I agree 110%. The sister had bathed in Eau de Bad Attitude before her appearance.

[Mu Shu]

I'm thinking that wasn't Roxanns hoard, but her mothers. The fabric was a fairly small amount.

"You caint trash that, Jeb! That's not trash able stuff"!!

[grisgris]

I thought Roxann's mother died two years ago, not 20. Maybe I misheard?  Agreed. She didn't seem quite as bad as a lot of people on the show. Sounds like a lot of the stuff in the house was from previous generations, in addition to her own. I think if she got some help for post-partum, grief and general household management and organization, she'll be fine. Glad the OCD boyfriend got discarded along with the rest of the hoard.

 

I had to help clean out our childhood home last summer. My dad was/is a hoarder and he had stuff from both of his parents. WTH keeps old files and bank statements from the 1940s? At least there wasn't garbage and dead animals. Now he is in a nursing home and even those he's in a tiny shared room, he's managed to amass a growing pile of magazines, junk mail and other reading material. His nightstand drawer is packed so full that you can barely open it. SMH.

 

Sorry to digress. Just feeling the pain of other family members of hoarders.

[StatisticalOutlier]

The book thing though. I actually thought big Sis sounded like she thought of book ownership as putting on airs and didn't want her sister, of whom she was clearly jealous, to be seen as smart as well as beautiful.

 

But I think I saw the Great Books series in there:

 

The only person in the world I can imagine actually reads those is Rory Gilmore.

 

I don't like book fetishists, and I don't like hoarders.  But I think Roxann was neither, and those books did fit in the shelves, so leave them alone for the time being.  That said, they're only for show, which is annoying.  Someone who is disorganized doesn't need putting-on-airs books, and neither does a hoarder.  I have a friend with a set of bookshelves that is just embarrassing.  He's never read a book in his life, which is his right, of course.  But he apparently was a member of the book-of-the-month club at one point, and a big portion of his collection is straight from that--a bunch of hardcovers that were all published at about the same time 30 years ago. 

 

But anyway, as noted by others, Roxann does present the interesting question of when does hoarding begin?  Is she a nascent hoarder, or just overwhelmed and disorganized?  Hoarders say everything just got out of hand--are we seeing the beginnings of it here? 

 

I don't know.  Why were her mother's clothes all out on the bed and not hung up?  It's not like she's using them.  Or put them in boxes if you can't bear to part with them.  Then again, they were on the bed, not the floor. 

 

All in all, I saw her house and thought it could use some straightening up, but that's about it.

 

And the boyfriend who wanted to get rid of the chairs in the kitchen?  He hasn't watched an episode of Hoarders and realized just how good he had it?  I loved watching him wash dishes as part of the hoard cleanup.  In any other situation, he would have been wearing a gas mask and manning a shovel.

[stillhere1900]

Yesterday, I saw  Barbara & Roxann.

Damn! Barbara looks like she's 107 yrs old. She looks really really old

I 100% agree that Roxann's older sister was jealous of her looks.

I think the older sister just needed to make her daily run to....

McDonald's/Burger King/Wendy's and she would be an ok person.

Edited June 4, 2018 by stillhere1900