The Favorite Quotes Thread Excitation

[ari333]

"So, I will condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance."

"I love my mother even if she is fornicating like a demonic weasel."

[cosmic1]

"Gravity, thou are a heartless bitch". -- Sheldon , The Big Bran hypothesis

This show has so many good lines.

[anstar]

I love that one! 

 

I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is a little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

[ari333]

Great thread idea. Where, oh where, do I start?

Sheldon speaking to his mother on the phone after safely returning from the North Pole (or wherever it was.)

"No mother, I could not feel your church group praying for my safety. ......The fact that I am home safe does not prove it worked; that logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. ....No, I am not sassing you in Eskimo talk."

[ari333]

Sheldon: "I am not crazy. My mother had me tested."

Amy to Penny after Leonard proposed to Penny... at a weird time (or not): "If Sheldon proposed to me during sex, my ovaries would grab onto him and never let go."

[MMLEsq]

From The Justice League Recombination:

Zack: "You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out if you kill a starfish it'll just come back to life."
Sheldon: "Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon."

[anstar]

Penny: I’m a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?

[babyhouseman]

My favorites are from Sheldon. "Wherever the music takes me, Kitten." "Mom smokes in the car. Jesus is okay with it, but we can't tell Dad. Leonard. Not that secret. The other secret. Sheldon. I'm Batman. Shhhhh!"

[anstar]

Sheldon: Might as well Google it.
Wolowitz: What exactly are you looking up?
Sheldon: "How do I get 12 year old girls excited?"
Wolowitz: NO!
Leonard: NO!

[riley702]

"My God, what have we done?" The guys, when their dating website prank on Sheldon coughs up Amy Farrah Fowler.

Amy: "We both know that's your koala face!"

Amy: "It's a tiara! Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!"

Penny: "You look very pretty."

Amy: "Of course I do! I'm a princess and this is my tiara!"

Edited April 4, 2014 by riley702

[Helena Dax]

Sheldon:" I could grow my own Nimoy!"

[Midru]

Starting with the pilot:

L: Our babies will smart AND beautiful

S: Not to mention imaginary

 

And one my very favorites from a Penny we don't see anymore:

P: I'm a vegetarian. Well, except for fish...and steak. I love steak!

[rose313]

Sheldon: I'm gonna have a whiskey. Do you want anything?

Leonard: No, I can't. I'm playing Grand Theft Auto later.

 

Bernadette: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SPACE!

Edited April 4, 2014 by rose313

[TrininisaScorp]

Husband and I are South Asian, so we use this around the house all the time when someone is hungry and we can't decide what to eat. 

Raj Koothrappali: Can we please make a decision? Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.

[leighroda]

"A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door... I wish I could tell 12yr old Amy it DOES get better"-Amy Farrah Fowler

[KYBlonde]

Sheldon Cooper: For the record, I do have genitals. They're functional and aesthetically pleasing.

[leighroda]

There's a quote by Sheldon that I can't think of... Something in reference to "liar liar pants on fire" I just can't remember it exactly... My pants will not be...

[ari333]

Love this thread!

Sorry. I get way too excited about things.

[anstar]

Yes well I am polymerized tree resin and you are an inorganic adhesive so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you.

 

And

 

(Yelling at a mockingbird) AND YOU! The notes are C D E G and A! You pick one or I'm chopping down that tree!

Something in reference to "liar liar pants on fire" I just can't remember it exactly... My pants will not be...

Well, sir, my trousers will not be igniting today.

[cosmic1]

In the Spaghetti Catalyst, which I have somehow missed, Penny said to Sheldon, "You're not coitusing with me, are you?" Lol, I liked that. You are all making me laugh so much.

[AmyFarrahFowler]

Penny??? *knock knock knock*

Penny??? *knock knock knock*

Penny??? *knock knock knock*

[ari333]

Setup: Amy to Sheldon in her lab (after she had "WOO'd" at Zac and didn't understand her reaction)....

Amy:  "Where would I have contracted an alien parasite?"

[leighroda]

Anstar your my hero!

[MMLEsq]

This exchange from The Adhesive Duck Deficiency will never not make me laugh:

Sheldon Cooper: We have to fill these out. "Describe illness or injury."

Penny: I dislocated my shoulder.

Sheldon Cooper: All right. And how did the accident occur?

Penny: You already know that.

Sheldon Cooper: Cause of accident: Lack of adhesive ducks. Okay, medical history. Have you ever been diagnosed with diabetes?

Penny: No.

Sheldon Cooper: Kidney disease?

Penny: No.

Sheldon Cooper: Migraines?

Penny: Getting one.

Sheldon Cooper: Are you currently pregnant?

Penny: No!

Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure? You look a bit puffy.

Penny: Change migraine to "yes."

Sheldon Cooper: When was your last menstrual period?

Penny: [in a disgusted tone] Oh, next question.

Sheldon Cooper: I'll put "in progress." Okay, turning to psychiatric disorders, list all major behavioral diagnoses, e.g. depression, anxiety etc.

Penny: Oh my God! What the hell does this have to do with my stupid shoulder?

Sheldon Cooper: Episodes of sub-psychotic rage.

Penny: Ass!

Sheldon Cooper: Possible Tourette's. All right, "moles, lesions, or other skin conditions." Soup tattoo on right buttock.

[ari333]

Sheldon: "Leonard, we need to give you a proper sendoff so we'll have closure when you die at sea and crabs eat your face."

Edited April 7, 2014 by ari333

[Indy]

When Priya makes chili and Sheldon goes off on how real chili doesn't have beans in it - "This is good...whatever it is!" 

My DH and I say that every time we eat chili with beans - including last week in front of my parents, who don't watch the show and were very confused as to what we were talking about.

Raj's "I'd rather get a prostate exam by a leper who walks away with three fingers" (or something like that). 

[Midru]

Paraphrasing...

"I came here to defeat Will Wheaton, the man who crushed my dreams, but I can't defeat a Will Wheaton who loves his meemaw."

 

 

[ari333]

Raj to Stuart at the comic book store: "What are you drinking there?"

Stuart: "Coffee liqueur in a Chewbacca mug.... I call it a, 'Sad-tini.' "

[anstar]

Amy:  "Obviously I have the flu, coupled with sudden onset Tourette's".  The 21st century version of "twitterpated".

 

eta:

Anstar your my hero!

Awww!. Thanks.  Happy to help. :)

Edited April 8, 2014 by anstar

[Runningwild]

Sheldon:  Do you know how most people my age die?

Leonard: They're killed by their roommate?

Sheldon: Accident.

Leonard: That's how I'm going to make it look.

[riley702]

Amy: I don't need your medicine. I'm not really sick. I got better two days ago.
Bernadette: I don't understand.
Amy: It's been so nice having Sheldon take care of me, I just wanted that to last longer.
Bernadette: You should tell him.
Amy: I know.
Sheldon: (From the other room) Amy! Are you strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?
Amy: I'll tell him tomorrow.

Which leads to this, when Sheldon finds out:

[riley702]

It's too long to quote, but the argument between Amy and Bernadette over Sheldon's (or is it Howard's?) parking spot is hysterical! Also, poor Penny.

Edited April 8, 2014 by riley702

[ari333]

Penny to Sheldon: "Yep; I'm a big ole' five."

[riley702]

Penny to Sheldon: I'm just a blonde monkey to you, aren't I?

Sheldon: My middle name is trouble. Actually, it's Lee, but I like trouble better.

Sheldon: Under normal circumstances, I'd say I told you so. But, as I have told so with such vehemence and frequency already, the phrase has lost all meaning. Therefore, I will be replacing it with the phrase, I have informed you thusly.

Edited April 9, 2014 by riley702

[cosmic1]

I am a man of science, not someone's snuggle bunny! Sheldon in The Isolation Permutation when Bernadette and Penny went shopping for wedding dresses together.

[riley702]

Sheldon and Penny arguing.

Sheldon: Woman, you are messing with forces beyond your ken.

Penny: Well, your "ken" can kiss my Barbie!

[Winston Wolfe]

This is from the episode where Penny takes in an infested couch which freaks Sheldon out:

Penny to Sheldon (after three knocks):

"What's up, Buttercup?"

After another three knocks:

"What's the gist, Physicist?"

After three more knocks:

"What's the word, hummingbird?"

Edited April 11, 2014 by Winston Wolfe

[riley702]

Love when Penny messes with Sheldon.

[TeethMalloy]

The one that always sends me into fits of laughter:

Sheldon: "Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I might quote Howard, 'Do the dance with no pants.'"

Last night's episode.

Drunk Sheldon, outside his own bedroom: *knock knock knock* "Empty room?" *knock knock knock* "Empty room?" *knock knock knock* "Empty room?" (To Amy) "I would have freaked out if someone answered."

[ari333]

Leonard to Penny: "David Underhill is ten times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike into his brain for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I'm like one of those sign language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes." 

[ari333]

Is it weird to anyone else that Sheldon frequently says, "I'm given to understand...?" Is that a thing? Or a character quirk specific to this show/Sheldon? OR do people say that? "I'm given to understand that such inquiries are frowned upon." "I'm given to understand that women have different needs." etc....

[Vikitty]

"What up, moonpie?" is something I still use to this day.

[MaryHedwig]

In the Adhesive Duck Deficiency where Sheldon (is supposed to) have his eyes closed while helping to get Penny dressed:

P: Is that my arm?

S: It doesn't feel like an arm.

P: Then maybe you should let go of it.

First Season: Leonard sees Penny with a date.

H: Why is Leonard sad?

S: He has been dumped by his imaginary girlfriend.

H: Been there!

[babyhouseman]

I liked this from Penny playing video games with Sheldon:

Penny: Wait, wait, Sheldon come back, you forgot something.
Sheldon: What?
Penny: This plasma grenade... HA look, it's raining YOU!

And when Bernadette plays video games, she says, "pew, pew, pew"

[MaryHedwig]

My favorite of all time:

Sheldon's mother takes the crowd to a church (sans Sheldon).  Howard looks at a crucifix (Jesus hanging on the cross) and says:

H:  That's the last Jew that had an ab workout.

[anstar]

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard: Just do it!
Penny: *To Sheldon* It's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon: Ah, fair enough.
Howard: He came with a manual.

[OriginalCyn]

From "The Jiminy Conjecture:"

Koothrappali:  I don't like bugs, okay? They freak me out."
Sheldon:  Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women....Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

From "The Cushion Saturation:"

(Howard's mobile rings; he looks at the number)
​Howard:  Ooooo, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight.
​(answers phone
Howard:  Hey, baby...
Penny (to rest of group):  His right hand is calling him?

From "The Robotic Manipulation:"

(Howard has his junk caught in the vise grip of a robot hand/arm)
Koothrappali: When Winnie the Pooh got his head stuck in the honey tree, his friends all grabbed onto him and pulled and pulled.
Leonard: You do what you want --  I'm not touching another man's honey tree.
 

Edited April 13, 2014 by OriginalCyn

[MizArk]

Sheldon: Why are you crying?

Penny: Because I'm stupid!

Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. Ones cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad.

(my daughter and I quote this way too often!)

[anstar]

Because it hasn't come up yet, and I have to:

 

Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty

Little ball of fur...

Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty

Purr, Purr, Purr

My son made me sing this to him when he had a sinus infection last year.

[MaryHedwig]

Howard: The good news is I think Penny is going to dress up as Wonder Woman.  The bad news is I don't think Superman is getting lucky tonight.

Penny's boyfriend after a perfect comic-timing pause looks down and notices he is wearing a Superman outfit and says, "Damn!"