Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[Bastet]

18 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I don't see the reason to talk about women like that though. It's almost like he's 12 and just discovered boobies, very immature. I appreciate the male form, but I try to be respectful and watch what I say, especially in the office.

This is an area where most employers completely fail -- creating a work environment where that kind of talk is not allowed, and imposing consequences when it happens.  Instead, women are largely left to navigate it ourselves. 

20 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Taking it back to the topic, that's another one of my dealbreakers. I wouldn't date someone who's a bigot. There are men who are really respectful where they don't talk about other women or me in a gross manner, but the way they speak about other marginalized groups grosses me out. 

Ugh, yes, the people who know enough not to say something offensive to/in front of someone who is a member of the group being maligned, but think if there's no one there who'd be a specific target, it's not offensive; if there's no person of color around, it's okay to say something racist, if there's no one from the LGBTQ+ community around, it's okay to say something homophobic, etc.  I have quoted the "Don't assume I share your prejudices" bumper sticker many times.

[RealHousewife]

6 minutes ago, Bastet said:

This is an area where most employers completely fail -- creating a work environment where that kind of talk is not allowed, and imposing consequences when it happens.  Instead, women are largely left to navigate it ourselves. 

Ugh, yes, the people who know enough not to say something offensive to/in front of someone who is a member of the group being maligned, but think if there's no one there who'd be a specific target, it's not offensive; if there's no person of color around, it's okay to say something racist, if there's no one from the LGBTQ+ community around, it's okay to say something homophobic, etc.  I have quoted the "Don't assume I share your prejudices" bumper sticker many times.

Bingo! 

What's wild is some of these guys who have a difficult time ascertaining what's appropriate (assuming they truly don't know better) have daughters. To me, if it's something you wouldn't want said to, about, or around your daughter, probably shouldn't say it. 

That's another one of my pet peeves-the assumption that dating someone with kids must mean a level of maturity. I've known some young men who have no kids and couldn't be more respectful. I've known some older dads, including fathers of daughters, who are the worst. 

[oliviabenson]

A. Ads on this site are ruining trying to read anything.

B. More than 1 guy wrote me on a second app to harass me. Both were rude/disgusting on app 1. Why approach me on app 2? I already said no once.

Are there any normal men left? 
 

sigh.

[Eri]

44 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

What's wild is some of these guys who have a difficult time ascertaining what's appropriate (assuming they truly don't know better) have daughters. To me, if it's something you wouldn't want said to, about, or around your daughter, probably shouldn't say it. 

I think "Would you want a gay man to speak to you/treat you the way you treat a woman?" is the more ironic language they tend to comprehend or think on more. In my experience, homophobia at its root is a hatred of the feminine.

@Scarlett45 Awww pupper 😍

Edited July 12, 2023 by Eri

[RealHousewife]

39 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

A. Ads on this site are ruining trying to read anything.

B. More than 1 guy wrote me on a second app to harass me. Both were rude/disgusting on app 1. Why approach me on app 2? I already said no once.

Are there any normal men left? 
 

sigh.

I'm sorry! You and I both seem to be weirdo magnets. 

[oliviabenson]

21 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I'm sorry! You and I both seem to be weirdo magnets. 

Definitely 

[PRgal]

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  I met my husband on a site called LavaLife back in the 2000s!

[partofme]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  

Sort of, but I hated it.  I had coworkers who pressured me to try the free version of Match, which was a pretty crappy version, I don't remember the details but I think I couldn't message people or something?  The only responses I ever got were from men over 20 years older than me which I wasn't  interested in.   I also was pressured into trying a three month subscription to eharmony.  The selection of men was better in that they were closer to my age, but my coworker got many of the same matches as me despite our having different values and interests which that website claimed to screen for.   I hated the whole process though, only ever went on one date from it and cancelled in less than three months.

[PRgal]

30 minutes ago, partofme said:

Sort of, but I hated it.  I had coworkers who pressured me to try the free version of Match, which was a pretty crappy version, I don't remember the details but I think I couldn't message people or something?  The only responses I ever got were from men over 20 years older than me which I wasn't  interested in.   I also was pressured into trying a three month subscription to eharmony.  The selection of men was better in that they were closer to my age, but my coworker got many of the same matches as me despite our having different values and interests which that website claimed to screen for.   I hated the whole process though, only ever went on one date from it and cancelled in less than three months.

The only reason why I tried online was because one guy I dated broke up with me via email.  This was just a few months before the episode of SATC where Carrie was dumped by a Post-It note aired.  Since it was before social media, it wasn’t like the writers were somehow somehow inspired by the email split (LOL)…

[Bastet]

I remember eHarmony.  I never used any dating sites, but back when that hit the scene my friend was working for the ad agency handling their TV campaign.  There was a rumor the site wouldn't match atheists, so she asked all her atheist friends to fill out the questionnaire, which would get you preliminary matches, and then we could just not join and be done with it.  I don't think I ever did it, but I know several did, and every single one of them either got a "sorry, we found no matches for you" type response or got matched with people who identified as Christian and cited religious compatibility as very important in a partner.

(And, yes, she knew the commercials with that creepy founder were terrible; she wasn't part of creating them, just buying ad spots from networks.)

Edited July 13, 2023 by Bastet

[StatisticalOutlier]

6 hours ago, PRgal said:

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  I met my husband on a site called LavaLife back in the 2000s!

I met Mr. Outlier on matchmaker.com in 1998. 

[oliviabenson]

Remember aol chat rooms? Lol omg it was as bad as dating apps now. Except dial up was so slow! Ahhhh fond memories!

(Not)

8 hours ago, PRgal said:

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  I met my husband on a site called LavaLife back in the 2000s!

 

[Jaded]

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I met Mr. Outlier on matchmaker.com in 1998. 

You made me think of these Matchmaker International commercials from the 90's. The one copyrighted in 1986 was still airing into the 90's. I remember another one of their commercials from that time where a woman said something like "When you're tired of dating jerks.". Never been able to find it online though.
 

_______________

[Mr. Sparkle]

22 hours ago, PRgal said:

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  I met my husband on a site called LavaLife back in the 2000s!

I met my wife on eharmony in the 2000s. I found out later that they have some values that I don't agree with; I wouldn't have signed up with them if I knew. I don't remember any questions about religion or anything like that. My wife and I are of different religions, but neither of us is remotely religious at all. 

Funny story: after dating a bit, we decided things were going a bit too fast and we broke up. I went on match.com to try to meet someone new. And apparently, so did she. I got an email to the effect of "Is it fate? We've found the perfect match for you!" And of course, it was my future wife, and through better and worse and pandemics, we are still together. 

[partofme]

8 minutes ago, Superclam said:

I found out later that they have some values that I don't agree with; I wouldn't have signed up with them if I knew.

I want to say I wouldn't have either because I also don't agree with some of their values, but I got severely peer pressured at work into signing up so who knows.  🤷‍♀️

Maybe if I had known that could have been my excuse because I didn't want to join.

Edited July 14, 2023 by partofme

[Annber03]

4 hours ago, Superclam said:

I met my wife on eharmony in the 2000s. I found out later that they have some values that I don't agree with; I wouldn't have signed up with them if I knew. I don't remember any questions about religion or anything like that. My wife and I are of different religions, but neither of us is remotely religious at all. 

Funny story: after dating a bit, we decided things were going a bit too fast and we broke up. I went on match.com to try to meet someone new. And apparently, so did she. I got an email to the effect of "Is it fate? We've found the perfect match for you!" And of course, it was my future wife, and through better and worse and pandemics, we are still together. 

Why am I suddenly hearing the "Pina Colada" song in my head :D? 

Seriously, that's an amazing story. 

[Scarlett45]

On 7/13/2023 at 1:37 PM, PRgal said:

Not sure if I posted here yet, but I'm wondering who here dated online BEFORE the age of smartphones?  I met my husband on a site called LavaLife back in the 2000s!

I online dated in college, circa 2006, so RIGHT BEFORE smartphones. 

9 hours ago, Superclam said:

I met my wife on eharmony in the 2000s. I found out later that they have some values that I don't agree with; I wouldn't have signed up with them if I knew. I don't remember any questions about religion or anything like that. My wife and I are of different religions, but neither of us is remotely religious at all. 

Funny story: after dating a bit, we decided things were going a bit too fast and we broke up. I went on match.com to try to meet someone new. And apparently, so did she. I got an email to the effect of "Is it fate? We've found the perfect match for you!" And of course, it was my future wife, and through better and worse and pandemics, we are still together. 

That’s SO SWEET! It was kismet!!

[RealHousewife]

Do you all think it hurts more when you're rejected or when you have rejected someone you care about as a friend? As much as I worry about my flaws, I have always liked guys who liked me. I've never asked someone out to be rejected. I've never been dumped. But oh man, when I turn down a guy and it's not like a stranger, I feel so bad. 

 

[RealHousewife]

So I couldn't think of too many positives about dating a single dad, if any, other than perhaps you could see what they'd be like as a dad.

But with all the scary people out there, I think if a man has a child who's a little older, especially a daughter, and it's a happy, well-adjusted child, it's a really good sign the guy is a decent dude. 

I'd like to have kids, but I've known so many abusive men in my life. It's so scary you can't exactly spot someone who'd harm a child. At my age, I can't afford to date someone for years and years before trying for a kid. But I'd want to trust my partner to be safe with kids.

I know this is kind of a random thought to bring up here, but I heard some more heartbreaking stuff tonight about different women I know who were touched as kids, and it's so freaking scary. :(

 

Edited July 16, 2023 by RealHousewife

[oliviabenson]

Why is dating so hard? Sigh. Why couldn’t I meet my person in high school???

[realityplease]

43 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Why is dating so hard? Sigh. Why couldn’t I meet my person in high school???

If you'd met your person in high school, maybe by 30 or 40 or 50, you'd have "outgrown" them, or grown apart, or they or you met another, or want different things out of life than you wanted in high school, or who knows what myriad of things drives couples apart -- and getting divorced. Many do. So you'd still be having to ask, "Why is dating so hard?"

Nothing's guaranteed - at any time.  "My person" sometimes turns into "someone I don't know anymore" or "someone I can't live with anymore," or "someone else's person."  Life is long (hopefully) and lots of things happen.   

Edited July 18, 2023 by realityplease

[Cloud9Shopper]

I’m thinking of getting back into the game but truthfully I’m not sure about it. Like a few of you said, I too seem to be a weirdo magnet. I haven’t gone on a date in years; the last time I did it was with a guy I knew online prior to dating him and he complained about his ex during lunch. Yikes. That kind of turned me off to the game for a while (and the last guy who showed interest was incapable of saying hi to me for some reason), but now I am starting to feel a little more lonely seeing as other friends and family are paired off and I am tired of struggling with all the home expenses by myself. It would be nice to have someone to spend time with and get some help with expenses, or even just to have a wedding where I can wear a nice dress and get some special attention for a while. 

At the same time, I don’t want to screw up and marry or get into a relationship with someone for the wrong reasons. I know for sure that I want to meet someone who is willing to get married in the Catholic church, and definitely no smokers. Those are really the only two big dealbreakers I have. Oh, and now that I’m well into my 30s, I won’t be telling my mother about anyone I’m dating unless things get serious enough for me to introduce him. I don’t think she needs to know about every guy I may go on one date with. I don’t know. Maybe writing this now I’m actually not ready yet. 

On 7/18/2023 at 4:22 PM, oliviabenson said:

Why is dating so hard? Sigh. Why couldn’t I meet my person in high school???

I feel this too. I wish I had gotten interested in dating in my 20s or early 30s so I could be more on track with my peers and had a more “normal” life. And I wish I wanted to have babies. I’m 38 and don’t want kids so I’m not exactly desirable right now. Most people want children, so not wanting these things at all and catching on later is going to be a rough go at dating. 

Edited July 23, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[theredhead77]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m 38 and don’t want kids so I’m not exactly desirable right now. Most people want children, so not wanting these things at all and catching on later is going to be a rough go at dating. 

I'm in my 40s and none of the single men I know what children, or more children, to the point where they've had vasectomies. If you date age-appropriately, you have a decent chance of finding someone else who doesn't want babies. You just have to decide if you're good with the potential of being a bonus mom.

Edited July 23, 2023 by theredhead77

[realityplease]

2 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m thinking of getting back into the game but truthfully I’m not sure about it. Like a few of you said, I too seem to be a weirdo magnet. I haven’t gone on a date in years. . .I am starting to feel a little more lonely seeing as other friends and family are paired off and I am tired of struggling with all the home expenses by myself. It would be nice to have someone to spend time with and get some help with expenses, or even just to have a wedding where I can wear a nice dress and get some special attention for a while. 

At the same time, I don’t want to screw up and marry or get into a relationship with someone for the wrong reasons. . .Maybe writing this now I’m actually not ready yet. 

I wish. . .I could be more on track with my peers and had a more “normal” life. And I wish I wanted to have babies. I’m 38 and don’t want kids so I’m not exactly desirable right now. Most people want children, so not wanting these things at all and catching on later is going to be a rough go at dating. 

I could be way off base, but I sense:

1. Some fear of making the "wrong" choice (thus, avoiding getting fully into dating & trying things out with someone who might not be perfect "on paper" or have all the "right" answers on first meeting) - yet having the fear of being left out or behind as friends & family pair off,

2. Some expectation that by being part of a twosome you'll be happier, get more attention, or considered more "normal" than being single. (Which isn't always the case. You're basically the same person single or coupled. Sometimes being a couple doesn't improve, but rather, drags down your finances should they lose a job or make a career change. Sometimes they're not an equal "half" when interests diverge or independent of yours or they're better able to get their needs met as yours go begging. Sometimes their need for breathing space may not mesh with yours.  Any of this can result in being more lonely as part of a couple than when alone. Two is not always better than one.  Depends on how the two handle their needs or communicate.)

3. Some ambivalence about having children. (Maybe because you're not thinking of it as having a child with a particular person & what that would be like - as opposed to having children as an abstract idea.)

Seems you're kind of putting the cart before the horse.  Thinking of dating as some amorphous idea as opposing to seeing what it's like to be with a particular person - and THEN giving it time before thinking about how your lives mesh or whether children play into it or not.

I get that you're put off by being a weirdo magnet.  It happens to lots of us.  Lots of weirdos around.  So turn them down - and on to the next opportunity. But stepping away & doing what - waiting? - How will that change your life?  Because it does seems as if you want to, at very least, add a partner into the mix.  Which may or may not happen - it's not always entirely on you but a mixture of luck, circumstance, opportunity, timing. 

So optimize what you can to meet someone - without getting too in your head & overthinking your wants or needs until there's another person in the equation - because if & when you fall in love - you'll find your definite ideas about lots of wants & needs may change or expand - much to your surprise.  And if you never find "the one" or "the one for right now" - well, be happy that you tried - and accepted or even chose the life you made for yourself given what options you had - with no or less regret over past choices made.  The very best of luck to you. 

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m thinking of getting back into the game but truthfully I’m not sure about it. Like a few of you said, I too seem to be a weirdo magnet. I haven’t gone on a date in years; the last time I did it was with a guy I knew online prior to dating him and he complained about his ex during lunch. Yikes. That kind of turned me off to the game for a while (and the last guy who showed interest was incapable of saying hi to me for some reason), but now I am starting to feel a little more lonely seeing as other friends and family are paired off and I am tired of struggling with all the home expenses by myself. It would be nice to have someone to spend time with and get some help with expenses, or even just to have a wedding where I can wear a nice dress and get some special attention for a while. 

At the same time, I don’t want to screw up and marry or get into a relationship with someone for the wrong reasons. I know for sure that I want to meet someone who is willing to get married in the Catholic church, and definitely no smokers. Those are really the only two big dealbreakers I have. Oh, and now that I’m well into my 30s, I won’t be telling my mother about anyone I’m dating unless things get serious enough for me to introduce him. I don’t think she needs to know about every guy I may go on one date with. I don’t know. Maybe writing this now I’m actually not ready yet. 

I feel this too. I wish I had gotten interested in dating in my 20s or early 30s so I could be more on track with my peers and had a more “normal” life. And I wish I wanted to have babies. I’m 38 and don’t want kids so I’m not exactly desirable right now. Most people want children, so not wanting these things at all and catching on later is going to be a rough go at dating. 

I'm not Catholic, so I don't know how tough that dealbreaker is, but I don't think the rest of what you said should be difficult. I also only date nonsmokers, and luckily that is relatively easy to find. It's still astonishing how many people smoke though. It was a dealbreaker of my sister's, and her boyfriend is a smoker. 

Regarding babies, there will be a lot of men around your age who've already had them and don't want any more, so they would be a better match with you than someone like me. Do you like kids at all? Are you okay with taking on the role of a stepparent? If not, childfree men are out there, just definitely not as many as we'd both like. I've become open to dating men with kids. It just depends on whether or not I'd deal with ex drama and if they'd be open to having a family with me too.

As far as the weirdo magnet stuff, despite being one, I feel like I have a pretty good read on men. If I know someone for even a couple of weeks, I can normally tell if a man is a cheater, if he respects women, etc. It's just scary dealing with the small percentage of men good at hiding their flaws, especially when those flaws can get dangerous. 

Do you have any hobbies where you can meet men and spend some time with them before going out on a date? That's one thing I don't like about online dating. Unless you have some superhuman psychic ability, can't weed out creeps. Do you have social media? I don't use it myself, but a lot of people get in touch with their high school crushes and whatnot on Facebook. Someone who was a nice kid is probably a nice man. 

I honestly think if you don't want kids, there is a whole lot less pressure when it comes to finding your person. You don't have to worry about your fertility, if the guy would be a good father, whether or not the man can help support kids, etc. You can find love at any age. I know as picky as I am due to my avoidance issues and wanting children, I can always have someone. Same for you and everyone here honey. 

[oliviabenson]

I wish guys were honest from the get go. Stop lying to women… Especially about a lifelong illness that can be fatal. Jeez. And if you don’t have a job say so. 
 

Such prizes I tell you. 
 

 

[Scarlett45]

On 7/15/2023 at 11:08 PM, RealHousewife said:

So I couldn't think of too many positives about dating a single dad, if any, other than perhaps you could see what they'd be like as a dad.

But with all the scary people out there, I think if a man has a child who's a little older, especially a daughter, and it's a happy, well-adjusted child, it's a really good sign the guy is a decent dude. 

I'd like to have kids, but I've known so many abusive men in my life. It's so scary you can't exactly spot someone who'd harm a child. At my age, I can't afford to date someone for years and years before trying for a kid. But I'd want to trust my partner to be safe with kids.

I know this is kind of a random thought to bring up here, but I heard some more heartbreaking stuff tonight about different women I know who were touched as kids, and it's so freaking scary. :(

 

No it’s not random. It’s a real consideration. Of course I don’t think most people are predators, but you certainly want to know someone well before you decide to create a life with them! And yeah you don’t have a decade to watch their behavior to decide. That’s why so many single moms I know wouldn’t even consider getting a live in partner again until their kids are out of the house, especially if they have girls. They are open to having a “man friend” to have fun with, but bringing another adult into your home over your children requires careful consideration. 

 

On 7/23/2023 at 2:03 PM, RealHousewife said:

I honestly think if you don't want kids, there is a whole lot less pressure when it comes to finding your person. You don't have to worry about your fertility, if the guy would be a good father, whether or not the man can help support kids, etc. You can find love at any age. I know as picky as I am due to my avoidance issues and wanting children, I can always have someone. Same for you and everyone here honey. 

As a childfree person I do feel a lot less pressure, and I’m not looking to share bills so there’s less pressure around that! A lot of my peers are married now, but I don’t doubt there is someone good for me enjoy spending time with. 
 

Dating just takes effort. I do think it’s fun, I’m back on Bumble now, wish me luck. But am I crazy cheap for not wanting to pay???

[Scarlett45]

On 7/23/2023 at 2:03 PM, RealHousewife said:

Do you have any hobbies where you can meet men and spend some time with them before going out on a date? That's one thing I don't like about online dating. Unless you have some superhuman psychic ability, can't weed out creeps. Do you have social media? I don't use it myself, but a lot of people get in touch with their high school crushes and whatnot on Facebook. Someone who was a nice kid is probably a nice man. 

I just got back from Vegas, with some friends and our parents. My friend L is 46, and she has a new boyfriend, she reconnected with a guy she dated when she was 18 and he was 28, she picked him up joy riding when he was doing construction on a night crew! He’s now 56, son 20 and daughter 16, and just as built and tattooed, just older with a grey beard! Love this for her! We were not friends when they first met (there’s an age gap so I was a literal child), but he seems like her type then and now! They reconnected over Facebook!

[Salacious Kitty]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I just got back from Vegas, with some friends and our parents. My friend L is 46, and she has a new boyfriend, she reconnected with a guy she dated when she was 18 and he was 28, she picked him up joy riding when he was doing construction on a night crew! He’s now 56, son 20 and daughter 16, and just a built and tattooed, just older with a grey beard! Love this for her! We were not friends they first met (there’s an age gap so I was a literal child), but he seems like her type then and now! They reconnected over Facebook!

One of my best friends from high school reconnected with a crush in a school FB group. They're married and happily living on a boat they travel on. Her daughters are grown and married, so no kids to support. 

[Annber03]

2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

As a childfree person I do feel a lot less pressure, and I’m not looking to share bills so there’s less pressure around that! 

That's a big reason I've held off on dating - I want to make sure I'm financially stable enough and comfortable handling my own finances before I bring someone else into my life in a significant way. I just think that would benefit me, as well as whomever I'm with, in the long run. 

As for kids, I'm not looking to have any anytime soon, if ever, so yeah, that's a factor, too. If I ever were to meet a guy I liked who had kids already, I'd have to REALLY like him, and have a good relationship with his kids, in order to consider pursuing that further. 

[oliviabenson]

@Scarlett45 pay for what and for who? 

[Bastet]

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

she reconnected with a guy she dated when she was 18 and he was 28

Dare we hope he's acknowledged that was gross, however things turned out now when they're hopefully equals?  A ten-year age difference can be utterly meaningless as life goes on if the two parties' life circumstances mean power is generally the same, but since there's strong evidence the brain doesn't fully mature until about 25, while there's the legal age of consent and people can blather on about maturity beyond one's years, that's an inherently lopsided relationship when talking about someone that young with someone that much older -- a man nearly 30 dating a teenager barely legal is fucked up.

[Scarlett45]

6 hours ago, Bastet said:

Dare we hope he's acknowledged that was gross, however things turned out now when they're hopefully equals?  A ten-year age difference can be utterly meaningless as life goes on if the two parties' life circumstances mean power is generally the same, but since there's strong evidence the brain doesn't fully mature until about 25, while there's the legal age of consent and people can blather on about maturity beyond one's years, that's an inherently lopsided relationship when talking about someone that young with someone that much older -- a man nearly 30 dating a teenager barely legal is fucked up.

Oh abso-fucking-lutely. 
 

sorry I didn’t get into that in my original post, I was having a “haha” over all the pictures she was sending me, because her motto is “I would never chase a man, but if he has muscles and tattoos I will power walk.” So I can see 18yrs old L being “ga-ga” over him at age 28, cause he’s built at 56. And although I didn’t meet her until she was in her 30s, I’m not surprised she found hot construction workers in the middle of the night riding around with a friend. 

7 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

@Scarlett45 pay for what and for who? 

For premium on Bumble. 

[oliviabenson]

@Scarlett45 I read a lot of reddit (dating experiences). According to the posters totally not worth it. I know 1 person in real life who paid for bumble and she said it was not worth it.

For me it depends how much it is I guess.

Edited July 29, 2023 by oliviabenson

[partofme]

13 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

One of my best friends from high school reconnected with a crush in a school FB group

This is the dream scenario, but alas my high school crush appears to be happily married.  😥

I actually don’t mind being single, there seem to be too many dating horror stories and I’ve watched enough true crime to be glad I never settled.   Which is why I think the high school crush scenario appeals to me, it at least feels like the guy is somewhat vetted. 

Edited July 29, 2023 by partofme

[RealHousewife]

33 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Oh abso-fucking-lutely. 
 

sorry I didn’t get into that in my original post, I was having a “haha” over all the pictures she was sending me, because her motto is “I would never chase a man, but if he has muscles and tattoos I will power walk.” So I can see 18yrs old L being “ga-ga” over him at age 28, cause he’s built at 56. And although I didn’t meet her until she was in her 30s, I’m not surprised she found hot construction workers in the middle of the night riding around with a friend. 

For premium on Bumble. 

You and your friend are too funny! 

[Scarlett45]

6 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

@Scarlett45 I read a lot of reddit (dating experiences). According to the posters totally not worth it. I know 1 person in real life who paid for bumble and she said it was not worth it.

For me it depends how much it is I guess.

Thanks. 

 

6 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

You and your friend are too funny! 

Thanks!

 

6 hours ago, partofme said:

Which is why I think the high school crush scenario appeals to me, it at least feels like the guy is somewhat vetted. 

I know two people from my prep school (k-12, super small community) who reconnected as adults and went on a few dates. The woman was very into it, the guy wasn’t- but I did think it was a good idea to try it out. She knew about he, his family etc but since they were adults and no longer in school they didn’t have to keep looking at each other if it didn’t work out. 

[oliviabenson]

My high school crush died.

[Bastet]

A few years after my ex-boyfriend's father died, his mom reconnected with her high school boyfriend (I don't remember how; maybe she went to a HS reunion, as I think the only social media that existed back then was MySpace, and most people their age didn't use it) and wound up selling her business in L.A. and moving back to her Texas hometown to marry him.  A real life version of one of those awful Hallmark movies!

[Scarlett45]

36 minutes ago, Bastet said:

A few years after my ex-boyfriend's father died, his mom reconnected with her high school boyfriend (I don't remember how; maybe she went to a HS reunion, as I think the only social media that existed back then was MySpace, and most people their age didn't use it) and wound up selling her business in L.A. and moving back to her Texas hometown to marry him.  A real life version of one of those awful Hallmark movies!

I’m quite partial to Hallmark, especially the Christmas ones, because they are emotionally easy and charming but the stories are all the same!

 

I think they should do more about Online Dating, mistaken identities and stuff that’s relevant for 2023. 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

but the stories are all the same!

As are the people -- white, straight, cisgender, and Christian.  (Yes, I know they finally did a Christmas movie with a gay couple last year.  Wow, one out of about 300.)

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, Bastet said:

As are the people -- white, straight, cisgender, and Christian.  (Yes, I know they finally did a Christmas movie with a gay couple last year.  Wow, one out of about 300.)

 

 

[RealHousewife]

On 7/28/2023 at 9:52 PM, Scarlett45 said:

Dating just takes effort. I do think it’s fun, I’m back on Bumble now, wish me luck. But am I crazy cheap for not wanting to pay???

I don't think so, but this topic can certainly get a debate going!

[oliviabenson]

Lol what? 

Edited July 30, 2023 by oliviabenson

[RealHousewife]

One of the guys I've mentioned in this thread (guy from work) recently told me I am a man hater.

I don't consider myself a man hater. I just don't always attract the nicest guys. (Olivia, girl, you feel my pain!) Haven't had the best luck with male friends either, the exceptions being a guy I grew up with and gay men. I call out a lot of behavior in men I can't stand. (This is the guy who talks a lot about women in crude ways.) I've never uttered "men are trash." I have a nice dad. I know most men are good, and the reason I'm single is ultimately my own mental health. I am highly anxious and an avoidant person. (Some of my experiences with men contributed to my issues though.) I'm not entirely sure why I attract some of the weirdos I do, because I am a nice person and like to think I don't put out weird vibes. 

This guy also thinks masculinity is under attack, that you can be anything but a straight white male these days. I am not a man, so maybe I'm just oblivious. But as far as I know, only toxic masculinity is what everyone is concerned about. 

I am someone who isn't offended by someone who dates women venting/joking about women, so long as it doesn't come from a truly hateful place. I feel like most of us are going to vent more about the gender we date. 

Does anyone have thoughts on this? Ever been called a man or woman hater? Is masculinity under attack, or are the only men who feel that way the one who exhibit toxic traits?

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

Is masculinity under attack, or are the only men who feel that way the one who exhibit toxic traits?

You know the answer to that.  That some fragile misogynist perceives reality as an attack is a story as old as the patriarchy, but that's all it is.  Masculinity is a stereotype, and toxic masculinity is a weapon.

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

that you can be anything but a straight white male these days.

'Tis to laugh.

There are differing opinions to be debated, and then there's demonstrably untrue sexist propaganda.  Treat it as such.

[oliviabenson]

Why would 2 random guys decide it’s okay to ask me: hey you wanna come to our place for fun? They obviously wanted a threesome or something. We were not going to play scrabble… 

 

They did offer me beer and snacks. 
 

 

[RealHousewife]

21 hours ago, Bastet said:

You know the answer to that.  That some fragile misogynist perceives reality as an attack is a story as old as the patriarchy, but that's all it is.  Masculinity is a stereotype, and toxic masculinity is a weapon.

'Tis to laugh.

There are differing opinions to be debated, and then there's demonstrably untrue sexist propaganda.  Treat it as such.

You're right. I do know the answer, but when I hear something over and over, I start to question myself. I also try to be a very open person. 

Thank you for assuring me I'm not crazy or completely oblivious to all this alleged misandry. 

[theredhead77]

On 8/13/2023 at 11:38 PM, Bastet said:

You know the answer to that.  That some fragile misogynist perceives reality as an attack is a story as old as the patriarchy, but that's all it is.  Masculinity is a stereotype, and toxic masculinity is a weapon.

Someone needs to go to their mojo dojo casa house and tell them the patriarchy isn't about horses. 

[Bastet]

I haven't had a chance to read this yet, but Mother Jones ran an article How Dating Apps Became a Paradise for Predators