Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[oliviabenson]

3 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I’ve had married men hit on me too. It’s like you need to look up their records to make sure they’re really single. 

I’m tired of playing detective to try to see if he is single.

Like one guy admitted he was married with a newborn, he wanted a hook up…

another admitted he was married, his wife was in Florida taking care of her dying mom, he was looking for a hook up…

gross behavior but at least they admitted to being married.

 

 

[RealHousewife]

5 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

I’m tired of playing detective to try to see if he is single.

Like one guy admitted he was married with a newborn, he wanted a hook up…

another admitted he was married, his wife was in Florida taking care of her dying mom, he was looking for a hook up…

gross behavior but at least they admitted to being married.

 

 

The bar is low! Lol

[oliviabenson]

https://nypost.com/2023/05/18/doctor-charged-in-sex-assaults-of-10-women-he-met-on-dating-app/
 

another fear of mine, getting assaulted by a date.

 

[oliviabenson]

Any updates? 

[RealHousewife]

9 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Any updates? 

I was asked out by another octogenarian! And yes, he has money. I've never liked the idea of dating a guy for his $$$. I've always just wanted to make more of my own, easier said than done. As much as I am attracted to somewhat older men, the older I get, I prefer closer to my own age since I haven't ruled out having kids. Even men only 10 years older than me are a bit too old as far as new father goes. But now I'm wondering if my destiny is to be a sugar baby. lol 

I keep meeting these much older men because of where I go walking. It's hilarious because I know the gym can be a meat market. I never thought I'd get hit on at a place old folks flock to. I guess if I ever join the Y, I will be a hot commodity there. 

[oliviabenson]

@RealHousewife where do you meet these guys? Maybe an older gentleman daddy isn’t so bad until you meet a young stud 🤪🤣!

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

@RealHousewife where do you meet these guys? Maybe an older gentleman daddy isn’t so bad until you meet a young stud 🤪🤣!

The mall! Old men seem to like walking there. One of the guys who thinks I’m pretty asked me to go out to eat with him and his other older gentleman friend, who is married. I’d love to make more friends, and I think you can learn from people who are of different ages. I just don’t know about men who are after way younger women. Would any of them be open to friendship or they only value me for my relative youth? 

 

[oliviabenson]

2 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

The mall! Old men seem to like walking there. One of the guys who thinks I’m pretty asked me to go out to eat with him and his other older gentleman friend, who is married. I’d love to make more friends, and I think you can learn from people who are of different ages. I just don’t know about men who are after way younger women. Would any of them be open to friendship or they only value me for my relative youth? 

 

I’m at the mall weekly and zilch!! I think they want to be more than friends. Guys are horny until they die. 
 

Robert DeNiro has a baby at 79. And Alec Baldwin has ummm 8 kids??? 

[RealHousewife]

15 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

I’m at the mall weekly and zilch!! I think they want to be more than friends. Guys are horny until they die. 
 

Robert DeNiro has a baby at 79. And Alec Baldwin has ummm 8 kids??? 

lol I'm learning this. I guess I haven't been around a lot of elderly people. 

So basically, unless I'm open to actually dating one of these old fellows, don't bother with them. 

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

So basically, unless I'm open to actually dating one of these old fellows, don't bother with them. 

Maybe I'm misunderstanding -- are these men you know in some context who you also run into at the mall?  Or are they, as it sounds to me, just asking you to lunch (or "lunch") because you're a pretty young thing they see at the mall?  That's gross from anyone, but the age factor adds another layer.

[RealHousewife]

13 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Maybe I'm misunderstanding -- are these men you know in some context who you also run into at the mall?  Or are they, as it sounds to me, just asking you to lunch (or "lunch") because you're a pretty young thing they see at the mall?  That's gross from anyone, but the age factor adds another layer.

We just know one another as mall regulars. 

[oliviabenson]

Guy old enough to be my dad hit on me today. Perked me up lol. 

[realityplease]

If meeting guys at the mall - how do you know he's really got any money? Because he said so? Hah!  Why would that subject even come up - unless he's trying to impress (if he's got it) or bluff (if he hasn't.)  A lunch at the mall is cheap.

Even if he does - & you're really looking for a sugar daddy - he could have an ex-wife (or several) & lots of kids to suck up his "wealth" in the form of spousal or child support (before death) or inheritance (after) that you expect him to spend on you. 

If he's telling you he's got money, it's just honey to attract the bee.  May or may not be true.  Or he wants you to disclose your finances by "sharing" his because he's looking for a "nurse with a purse." Someone to take care of him in his old age - who can pay her own way - or maybe for him too. Things aren't always what they seem.

No matter how old, friendship's not the goal - for him.  They always think they want sex - whether physically up to it or not.  Old goats! 

Never too late for kids either.  Oh so fussy - then get older & hooked by the young chick.  At 60, running around playgrounds after a 4-year old & they're huffing & puffing.  The guy who wanted to retire & travel - not so free to travel or do what he wants because the tot(s) come first - for the next 20 or so years - which he may or may not live to see.

So go out with guys you're attracted to, enjoy being with, have fun with.  Other motivations aren't always what they seem.

Edited May 29, 2023 by realityplease

[RealHousewife]

5 hours ago, realityplease said:

If meeting guys at the mall - how do you know he's really got any money? Because he said so? Hah!  Why would that subject even come up - unless he's trying to impress (if he's got it) or bluff (if he hasn't.)  A lunch at the mall is cheap.

Even if he does - & you're really looking for a sugar daddy - he could have an ex-wife (or several) & lots of kids to suck up his "wealth" in the form of spousal or child support (before death) or inheritance (after) that you expect him to spend on you. 

If he's telling you he's got money, it's just honey to attract the bee.  May or may not be true.  Or he wants you to disclose your finances by "sharing" his because he's looking for a "nurse with a purse." Someone to take care of him in his old age - who can pay her own way - or maybe for him too. Things aren't always what they seem.

No matter how old, friendship's not the goal - for him.  They always think they want sex - whether physically up to it or not.  Old goats! 

Never too late for kids either.  Oh so fussy - then get older & hooked by the young chick.  At 60, running around playgrounds after a 4-year old & they're huffing & puffing.  The guy who wanted to retire & travel - not so free to travel or do what he wants because the tot(s) come first - for the next 20 or so years - which he may or may not live to see.

So go out with guys you're attracted to, enjoy being with, have fun with.  Other motivations aren't always what they seem.

I'm suspicious of people I don't know well, especially men. I don't know about everyone I meet there. But it's come up that one of the guys owns a lot of buildings by a different walker. I have experienced men (both young and old) who are quick to let you know what they have, or what they supposedly have. It's true you don't always know until you're actually in their world what they have, and even then things aren't always what they seem. But I guess I have enough family with money that even though so many guys are full of crap, I know some really will have money. I met these guys at the mall, but he asked if I wanted to go out to eat somewhere and what I liked. 

In all seriousness, I don't think I could ever go the sugar daddy route. I just don't know why the universe keeps sending me elderly men. I swear I don't look like I'm in my 80s. My thing has always been if you wouldn't date him without the $, you shouldn't date him. Both guys who've asked me out are widows. One has kids, the other does not. 

I am well-aware of how expensive kids are. It's why with men closer to my age (my strong preference), I would take a child-free men with regular/modest income jobs over fathers with larger salaries. I know unless you make crazy good money, there wouldn't be a whole lot left to support a family with me. 

lol someone else mentioned nurse with a purse on here before, not sure it was you. Do way older men typically think much younger women are the ones with money? I had never heard that anywhere else. Older women are typically going to have more. I might inherit money someday from my grandparents, but still don't know if I will be prime sugar mama. 

That's probably true. When these guys first started talking to me, I thought they were just being friendly, sweet old man even. But then I realized they thought I was cute, and not in a granddaughter way. I haven't had the best luck with straight male friends my own age. They've all hit on me. I'm normally suspicious of men around my age or slightly older who want to befriend me. I do have older women friends, but I'm not used to much older men. 

I would never, ever have kids with someone that much older. 

That's what I normally try to do. I'd like a guy close to my own age, kind, has a job, has no kids, nonsmoker, those are the main things. Universe, please send me one within ten years of my age, preferably five. Thank you. 

[realityplease]

11 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

That's what I normally try to do. I'd like a guy close to my own age, kind, has a job, has no kids, nonsmoker, those are the main things. Universe, please send me one within ten years of my age, preferably five. Thank you. 

Depends on how old you are - the older you get, the less likely that the guys you meet will not have had an earlier relationship - and kids.  They may still be kind, employed & non-smokers (as you wish) but a bit more encumbered than you think you want.

Or if they're older & never married - sometimes it's because they have impossible standards & a revolving door of relationships.  Time-wasters.  Peter Pans.  Fine in the early stages, but bolt when pressure placed on them to make things more committed. Or they just don't want to commit to you - and somehow, it's these guys who marry the one just after you.  They're waiting for the lightning bolt - and why it's someone else & not you - who knows?     

If you're at the mall & you're meeting old guys - well, maybe that's because it's mainly old guys who hang out at malls.  But since you're there - go to the men's departments of various stores, look for a younger guy who's shopping & ask him to help you pick out - whatever.  Go where younger guys are - generally more activity-driven places, like parks, hiking, traveling, they're playing baseball with friends, grocery shopping, etc.  If you're afraid of stranger danger, then volunteer. Join.  Legal aid.  Volunteer at a hospital.  Work for whatever political party appeals to you.  Somewhere where other people know the guy.   

Work can be a good place to meet guys - depending on the job.  Some jobs don't have a constant influx of potential or available guys. Plus, it's always tricky to date someone at work & keep it discreet. And if things don't work out - can be uncomfortable or impact your position as well.  But your workplace - or the workplaces of friends - might be a source.

"Nurse with a purse" is the goal of older guys who either never had money or lost it in the divorce. Someone to take care of them.  Someone to support them.  But just because someone doesn't want that or has money doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna spend it on you. Sometimes rich guys are the cheapest. Sometimes the ones with nothing are generous & fritter whatever they have on you - but also "cash short" a lot because they live a "here today, gone tomorrow" existence.

Friends or relative set-ups can be frustrating (as in, what were they thinking??) but it does take out the scary stranger factor.  And enlarges the dating pool. Get to know lots of folks, check out lots of different organizations - you never know who they know.

Get it out of your head that they just want to be friends. That's almost NEVER a guy's end goal - no matter what his age, social standing or situation - unless you need another gay friend. 

[RealHousewife]

3 minutes ago, realityplease said:

Depends on how old you are - the older you get, the less likely that the guys you meet will not have had an earlier relationship - and kids.  They may still be kind, employed & non-smokers (as you wish) but a bit more encumbered than you think you want.

Or if they're older & never married - sometimes it's because they have impossible standards & a revolving door of relationships.  Time-wasters.  Peter Pans.  Fine in the early stages, but bolt when pressure placed on them to make things more committed. Or they just don't want to commit to you - and somehow, it's these guys who marry the one just after you.  They're waiting for the lightning bolt - and why it's someone else & not you - who knows?     

If you're at the mall & you're meeting old guys - well, maybe that's because it's mainly old guys who hang out at malls.  But since you're there - go to the men's departments of various stores, look for a younger guy who's shopping & ask him to help you pick out - whatever.  Go where younger guys are - generally more activity-driven places, like parks, hiking, traveling, they're playing baseball with friends, grocery shopping, etc.  If you're afraid of stranger danger, then volunteer. Join.  Legal aid.  Volunteer at a hospital.  Work for whatever political party appeals to you.  Somewhere where other people know the guy.   

Work can be a good place to meet guys - depending on the job.  Some jobs don't have a constant influx of potential or available guys. Plus, it's always tricky to date someone at work & keep it discreet. And if things don't work out - can be uncomfortable or impact your position as well.  But your workplace - or the workplaces of friends - might be a source.

"Nurse with a purse" is the goal of older guys who either never had money or lost it in the divorce. Someone to take care of them.  Someone to support them.  But just because someone doesn't want that or has money doesn't necessarily mean they're gonna spend it on you. Sometimes rich guys are the cheapest. Sometimes the ones with nothing are generous & fritter whatever they have on you - but also "cash short" a lot because they live a "here today, gone tomorrow" existence.

Friends or relative set-ups can be frustrating (as in, what were they thinking??) but it does take out the scary stranger factor.  And enlarges the dating pool. Get to know lots of folks, check out lots of different organizations - you never know who they know.

Get it out of your head that they just want to be friends. That's almost NEVER a guy's end goal - no matter what his age, social standing or situation - unless you need another gay friend. 

True, unfortunately. If someone is perfect but they have no more than one or two kids and open to another one or two more, I'm open.

I've heard some theories that if a man isn't married by a certain age, that he must be no good. To be honest, I try not to judge that too much as a woman some might consider an old maid. I am a good person. I've just had some mental health struggles and haven't always put myself out there. 

Oh of course. Young men do not get their exercise at the mall. I do not shop or walk at malls to meet men, just trying to buy clothes/get exercise. I've thought about the gym or volunteering, stuff I'm sincerely interested in. I mostly dance and walk. I am not one for sports or the outdoors. 

There are major pros and cons to dating in the workplace imo. I tend to think it's a bad idea in order to keep your privacy and not deal with work drama. But you do really get to know the people you work with, without dealing with having to date, which can be anxiety-inducing for me. At my job, most of the guys are a lot older (not octogenarians though lol), except for one, who is married and not my type if he were single. 

Yeah, there are men who don't have much but would spend their last dollar on you. And there are men who have a lot of money but are tightwads. I prefer the former.

To be honest, I know the best way to meet more men is to put yourself out there. A lot of people work from home, work out at home, shop from home, watch movies at home, and wonder why they can't meet anyone. I've gotten a lot more confident the last year, but still not quite at the point where I want to be on the prowl. I'm getting better though. Covid took a toll on me.

You're right. There are some women who say they prefer male friends.  A lot of people insist of course men and women can just be friends. But it's just never worked out for me. Sometimes I don't even know if men waste their breath talking to you if they don't want to sleep with you. It's really kind of sad.

[partofme]

3 hours ago, realityplease said:

Work for whatever political party appeals to you.  Somewhere where other people know the guy.   

I had tried this for a while.   At least where I was volunteering, nyc, all of the other volunteers were either older women or college aged girls.  Maybe some of them might have known single men, but the activities, phone banking and getting signatures required to get on the ballot weren’t conducive to getting to know people and I’m very introverted and hated doing them.   I did meet the married guy who at the time was our state representative and I wasn’t sure if he was hitting on me or not, he stood very close in my personal space when talking to me and he gave me his phone number.  

[oliviabenson]

Sigh. Another “winner”

[RealHousewife]

24 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Sigh. Another “winner”

No, dating while you're married is not ok, and this man doesn't deserve anyone "sweet, kind, caring."

I know this is an online dating thread, but it's only ever deterred me from online dating. lol 

[oliviabenson]

12 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

No, dating while you're married is not ok, and this man doesn't deserve anyone "sweet, kind, caring."

I know this is an online dating thread, but it's only ever deterred me from online dating. lol 

Have you used apps before or using them now?

[oliviabenson]

He is down with having a second secret family.

i mean really? 
 

Are all men such cheating/unsavory/ jerks?

How noble/ kind of him /s, roll eyes 

[theredhead77]

On 5/29/2023 at 9:11 AM, realityplease said:

Or if they're older & never married - sometimes it's because they have impossible standards & a revolving door of relationships.  Time-wasters.  Peter Pans.

Or they were in a committed LTR and neither party wanted to get married. Or in an LTR where they planned to get married "someday", or in an LTR, engaged but never married, and the relationship ended due to no fault of his own. There are lots of reasons to not get married, it doesn't mean the man is at fault or has impossible standards or a revolving door of relationships. 

  

On 5/29/2023 at 9:31 AM, RealHousewife said:

I've heard some theories that if a man isn't married by a certain age, that he must be no good.

Just an old "wives tale" (do we have another term for that yet??). Just look at Clooney. He didn't meet the right one until he met Amal.

There are lots of reasons to be not married, and, frankly, not succumbing to social pressure, and getting married to someone to appease others is admirable. Would we look down on Clooney if he had a string of failed marriages? Nope, because he's... sexy AF. But look how Jennifer Anniston is looked at (or was looked at) with her string of failed relationships.

Edited May 31, 2023 by theredhead77

[Bastet]

23 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

But look how Jennifer Anniston is looked at (or was looked at) with her string of failed relationships.

I agree on the sexist double standard, but I wouldn't call a relationship failed because it didn't last forever.  Most don't.

[theredhead77]

6 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I agree on the sexist double standard, but I wouldn't call a relationship failed because it didn't last forever.  Most don't.

You're right. I did a strikethrough to keep the original text but correct myself. Thank you for pointing that out. 

[Bastet]

6 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

You're right. I did a strikethrough to keep the original text but correct myself. Thank you for pointing that out. 

You're welcome; I figured you were more repeating a common phrase than actually describing them that way.

[realityplease]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

Or they were in a committed LTR and neither party wanted to get married. Or in an LTR where they planned to get married "someday", or in an LTR, engaged but never married, and the relationship ended due to no fault of his own. There are lots of reasons to not get married, it doesn't mean the man is at fault or has impossible standards or a revolving door of relationships. 

Just an old "wives tale" (do we have another term for that yet??). Just look at Clooney. He didn't meet the right one until he met Amal.

There are lots of reasons to be not married, and, frankly, not succumbing to social pressure, and getting married to someone to appease others is admirable. Would we look down on Clooney if he had a string of failed marriages? Nope, because he's... sexy AF. But look how Jennifer Anniston is looked at (or was looked at) with her string of failed relationships.

 

Clooney WAS married - in 1989 to actress Talia Balsam - lasted 3 years. Then single for a long time with a series of shorter-term girlfriends. Then met Amal & got married again.  He's not one of those "never got married" until later in life guys.

My remarks were directed to a post about older guys who hadn't married.  For those guys, dating decades ago, the trend was toward marriage.  Not so much today.  Decades ago, generally, women weren't as independent, career oriented or for whatever reason (clicking time-clock as to children,etc.) pressured for marriage more than the guys who either left after an ultimatum they didn't want to accept, or the woman left him after she couldn't get him to pull the trigger.  Not so much today.  Just as not many children born before marriage.  Not as much today.  Until the '70's people didn't live together as much.  Changed quickly and now, very accepted.  There were always exceptions but people did succumb to social pressure more back then.  Not getting married when in a LTR, meant legal issues to be overcome - moreso for women than men in those times - but more protections now.

Times change.

Edited May 31, 2023 by realityplease

[theredhead77]

9 minutes ago, realityplease said:

Times change.

Yes, they do. It would be nice if society caught up with the fact that many people choose not to marry, or delay marriage, and don't have something wrong with their character.

[realityplease]

13 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

Yes, they do. It would be nice if society caught up with the fact that many people choose not to marry, or delay marriage, and don't have something wrong with their character.

Sometimes people choose not to marry or delay marriage.  Sometimes the option just isn't there - you haven't met & may never meet "the one."  Sometimes two people are on different tracks, have different goals, ways of dealing with life, or the timing is off.  Sometimes luck or health or other people intervene.  Sometimes there IS something wrong with their character - there are plenty of screwed up people. 

Basically, it would be nice if people didn't judge.  But they do.  Not always fair.  Sometimes in-roads can be made - slowly. But that's life. 

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

Or they were in a committed LTR and neither party wanted to get married. Or in an LTR where they planned to get married "someday", or in an LTR, engaged but never married, and the relationship ended due to no fault of his own. There are lots of reasons to not get married, it doesn't mean the man is at fault or has impossible standards or a revolving door of relationships. 

  

Just an old "wives tale" (do we have another term for that yet??). Just look at Clooney. He didn't meet the right one until he met Amal.

There are lots of reasons to be not married, and, frankly, not succumbing to social pressure, and getting married to someone to appease others is admirable. Would we look down on Clooney if he had a string of failed marriages? Nope, because he's... sexy AF. But look how Jennifer Anniston is looked at (or was looked at) with her string of failed relationships.

Oh absolutely. Like I said, I've never been married myself. I'm not perfect, but I'm a decent person and not some toxic, untrustworthy mess men would should be leery of. I know a lot of other good folks who've never been married. Some would like to, and some would not. 

Agree. There are so many people who would hurt others less if they didn't get married because it was what was expected or didn't have kids because of social pressure. 

8 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

Yes, they do. It would be nice if society caught up with the fact that many people choose not to marry, or delay marriage, and don't have something wrong with their character.

Couldn't agree with you more. 

2 minutes ago, realityplease said:

Sometimes people choose not to marry or delay marriage.  Sometimes the option just isn't there - you haven't met & may never meet "the one."  Sometimes two people are on different tracks, have different goals, ways of dealing with life, or the timing is off.  Sometimes luck or health or other people intervene.  Sometimes there IS something wrong with their character - there are plenty of screwed up people. 

Basically, it would be nice if people didn't judge.  But they do.  Not always fair.  Sometimes in-roads can be made - slowly. But that's life. 

True as well. 

8 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Have you used apps before or using them now?

Nope! I'm in this thread a lot because I think all dating chat is supposed to be here, whether it's online or not. Plus, bless your heart, you've always got some entertaining stories to share with us.

[Bastet]

50 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

It would be nice if society caught up with the fact that many people choose not to marry, or delay marriage, and don't have something wrong with their character.

Two of the happiest couples in very long-term relationships I know are not only not married, they don't even live together (one is a couple in their 70s, who got together in their 50s, both divorced with grown children [and grandchildren], the other is a couple in their 40s, together about 15 years, neither having married or reproduced).  There are plenty of people - particularly women - for whom the traditional path of dating, cohabiting, and getting married (or dating, getting married, and cohabitating) doesn't work or is even detrimental.

(And this is without even delving into the long history in which marriage wasn't legally an option for some [gay marriage, interracial marriage], so of course not every couple wanting to be together for life got married.) 

Anyone who opts for marriage, good for 'em and good luck, but those who are just as committed but choose a different path aren't in lesser relationships.

Nor are those who have never previously been in a long-term deeply committed relationship lesser people, or automatically ruled out as never wanting to/being equipped to enter into one unless they themselves say that's not their jam <raises hand> or have a pattern of relationships ending not because they ran their course but because the person is consistently a jackass romantic partners leave.

The more variety becomes typical, the more widely it will be accepted, but it's sad how that lags.

[oliviabenson]

Al Pacino got his 29 year old girlfriend pregnant. I’m just flabbergasted. 
 

Octogenarians still got it.

[JTMacc99]

9 hours ago, Bastet said:

Two of the happiest couples in very long-term relationships I know are not only not married, they don't even live together (one is a couple in their 70s, who got together in their 50s, both divorced with grown children [and grandchildren]

Depending on how long you are on your own after divorce in your 40s and 50s, the idea of having somebody sharing your space and your stuff 24/7 can start to lose it's appeal.

I mean, it's still very appealing to have a partner to share time and love with, but so is sleeping in a nice quiet bed and waking up to a nice quiet house with nobody in the bathroom or in your way in the kitchen or leaving a coffee mug in the sink or putting your bowling trophy in the attic.

[Browncoat]

I have long thought that couples should either live in separate wings of a large house, sharing common areas like kitchen and living room.  Or maybe in separate apartments next door to each other and just visit.  

[oliviabenson]

16 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh absolutely. Like I said, I've never been married myself. I'm not perfect, but I'm a decent person and not some toxic, untrustworthy mess men would should be leery of. I know a lot of other good folks who've never been married. Some would like to, and some would not. 

Agree. There are so many people who would hurt others less if they didn't get married because it was what was expected or didn't have kids because of social pressure. 

Couldn't agree with you more. 

True as well. 

Nope! I'm in this thread a lot because I think all dating chat is supposed to be here, whether it's online or not. Plus, bless your heart, you've always got some entertaining stories to share with us.

All I got is entertaining stories 🤪🤣

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, Browncoat said:

I have long thought that couples should either live in separate wings of a large house, sharing common areas like kitchen and living room.  Or maybe in separate apartments next door to each other and just visit.  

Lol I’m totally on board with this. I’m introverted, an insomniac, and I love my quiet alone time and my independence. But I still want a partner to love share my life with. It’s that whole wanting to be left alone but not alone/lonely. 

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, Browncoat said:

I have long thought that couples should either live in separate wings of a large house, sharing common areas like kitchen and living room.  Or maybe in separate apartments next door to each other and just visit.  

Not with nyc prices 🤣

[RealHousewife]

3 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Not with nyc prices 🤣

Heck, I don’t even live in NYC, and I’d love someone to split a mortgage/rent with. 

[oliviabenson]

Another winner 

🙄🤪

 

Edited May 31, 2023 by oliviabenson

[oliviabenson]

Still him lol

what a prize/winner 

I hope it’s ok to post that 

[RealHousewife]

Olivia, which app are these guys on? I know there are a lot of jerks out there, but this has to be the worst quality of men ever. 

[oliviabenson]

This guy is delusional. No way 2 women will have sx with him for nothing. 
 

I give up. I’m going to be a nun.

[supposebly]

Well, even delusional, at least he's honest. Honestly delusional.

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

Still him lol

If something that's a deal breaker for him if a woman isn't open to it is something you have no interest in, why keep messaging with him?

[oliviabenson]

9 minutes ago, Bastet said:

If something that's a deal breaker for him if a woman isn't open to it is something you have no interest in, why keep messaging with him?

I wanted to see if he was for real.

[Eri]

On 5/31/2023 at 9:58 AM, JTMacc99 said:

Depending on how long you are on your own after divorce in your 40s and 50s, the idea of having somebody sharing your space and your stuff 24/7 can start to lose it's appeal.

I mean, it's still very appealing to have a partner to share time and love with, but so is sleeping in a nice quiet bed and waking up to a nice quiet house with nobody in the bathroom or in your way in the kitchen or leaving a coffee mug in the sink or putting your bowling trophy in the attic.

Yup - married men tend to live longer than when they're single for a reason whilst the life span goes down for women after marriage (no coincidence there what with being worked to death, no biggie). It's not at all surprising that older women tend to not remarry as quickly (if at all) as men do after being divorced or widowed..

Edited June 3, 2023 by Eri

[Moose135]

19 hours ago, Eri said:

married men tend to live longer

It just feels longer...

[Jaded]

On 5/31/2023 at 8:58 AM, JTMacc99 said:

Depending on how long you are on your own after divorce in your 40s and 50s, the idea of having somebody sharing your space and your stuff 24/7 can start to lose it's appeal.

My Nana became a "widow" ( I don't like that word) almost two years before I was born. She was never interested in getting into any type of relationship after my Grandfather died. I think she really enjoyed her freedom and being able to do whatever the hell she wanted without having to really worry about anyone else family or not. He had been a "functional" alcoholic for a long time. Sad thing was I was told he was the sweetest and kindest person when not drunk. My Mom and Nana spent the year before he died taking care of him when she had only just retired as an RN not long before having to start doing so. 

In the late 60's my Mom's two brothers had moved out of the family home so it was my Mom, Nana and Grandfather. It was a 3bd 1ba house so he was still frustrated that he could barely get into the bathroom most of the time so he went and signed papers on a 4bd 2ba house in another neighborhood behind my Nana's back. She was mad at first because she really liked the neighborhood in which they had been living. After moving into the new house where she got the main bedroom all to herself she always said she wasn't quite as mad anymore since the peace was so enjoyable. Although when I was young she'd still mention that old house sometimes and say she wished they had just put a half bath in the hall closet which I guess was big enough for one since that's what's there now. Got to see inside it when I found realtor photos online. It hadn't been remodeled much so it was really neat to see. 

[partofme]

1 hour ago, Jaded said:

My Nana became a "widow" ( I don't like that word) almost two years before I was born. She was never interested in getting into any type of relationship after my Grandfather died.

My grandma was the same way.  She was widowed for 15 years when I was born and about 45 in total and never dated.  

 

[Gramto6]

I've been widowed almost 23 years, never dated, don't intend to. Even moved myself to a totally different state! (CA to MT)

After 2 marriages, I am ready to be myself, do what I want, when I want, and go where I want. No man needed!!

ETA: Any chores I can't do, I hire someone to do.

Edited June 3, 2023 by Gramto6

[Bastet]

My mom's friend is one of three sisters, and long ago one of the sisters became single again (I don't remember if it was due to death or divorce; I think death).  Their mom later expressed to the other two how sorry she felt for the single one still being single after X time.  They laughed and said, "She's the happiest of all of us!  She now gets to make all her decisions without having to consider another person."

Anyway, yes, it is very telling how many women who have a long relationship end in divorce or death opt to stay single, while lots of men in that situation run right out and attach themselves to someone new.  When it comes to those whose spouse has died, the difference is staggering -- within two years, 61% of widowed men are remarried or in another serious relationship compared to only 19% of widowed women.