S03.E11: Demons

[Tara Ariano]

The investigation leads to a serial killer linked to Theo who, with Penny, seeks an unknown source to help them get away. Meanwhile, recent events send Ryan on a downward spiral, as a search to find the FBI agent accessing Daisy's laptop intensifies.

[Snookums]

Oh, sweet Christ, the laptop's back in play? *drinks all the laudanum* *buries self alive* *trains raven to take messages*

[TheRabbi]

Well that was an hour of stupid.  I don't even think Ghost!Joe can save the show anymore.

 

Loved how the "Madman" (*groan*) was a cold case for like 30 years, and one tiny bit of remotely competent police work and they find him after all that time.  But the plot has to move forward I suppose.

 

Such an eyeroll with the laptop of doom and Tom shooting the female agent.  Who didn't see that coming from about a galaxy away.

 

I don't even know what to say about Theo's storyline, other than Nina from The Americans is even hotter all prettied up.  

 

And finally you have the blundering comedy duo of Mark and Daisy, who I honestly don't even remember what purpose they're serving or what the hell they're trying to do anymore.  Too many dumb storylines going all at once here.  Ditto on Gwen's sob-story.

 

The scariest part of all?  We have to slog through 2 hour episodes for both of the next 2 weeks to finish out the season.  That is a whole lot of stupid waiting to happen.

Edited May 5, 2015 by TheRabbi

[TV Anonymous]

After the death of ADA Borgia, now it is ADA Novak? Any chance for ADA Cabot to make a guest appearance too? On another note I am glad that Nina Sergeevna is safely back in the United States.

 

And my nitpick tonight is whether the U.S. Federal Government is really strapped for money since apparently FBI senior agents need to stay in a motel while in business trip.

[Such A Flirt]

More Ghost Joe Poe, please! It's all so boring without him.

 

Though I laughed quite a few times; I don't think I was supposed to. Like when Max's boyfriend killed the other agent. I don't know if it was just bad writing and acting, but it was hilarious. And so was the "Eyes Wide Shut" mansion sequence.

[dirtydi]

I like this season, but not this episode.

[mertensia]

Why are Mark and Daisy still around?

Poor Ryan - he really misses his soulmate Joe.

That's one cold-hearted woman who doesn't care that her empolyees have been gunned down.

And thank yous to everyone who ID'd Megalyn for me last week.

[sjohnson]

I didn't actually watch, but I'm sort of hoping to read that Mark takes out Mike. That would be one for the beta males and let Shawn Ashmore take a less embarrassing job, like a Cinemax midnight movie.

[Primetimer]

This and other questions about last night's The Following from the Pirates Of Pinot, Sarah and Poe Head.

Read the story

[marcee]

I've completely lost track of Theo's storyline. Why does he need Eliza? How did she get involved? He's a super computer guru, why can't he just give himself a billion dollars and disappear in a non-extradition country? I'm so... just what?

[ZoloftBlob]

Theo doesn't necessarily need Eliza but she was the thing that Strauss left for him to find. I guess. I otherwise agree though... Theo should be slipping away.

 

I rolled my eyes at no one ever finding out that there was a foster child survivor of the massacre until so late in the game.

[tomg]

I would like to suggest Under the Dome for the next Sarah/Poe Head collaboration as it would be a great source of stupidity for them to dissect.

[kfree9]

I posted this when Tom stole the laptop and I'll post it again now that he has killed someone over it...all because his girlfriend cheated on him? Really?  Is she really worth all the trouble?

[Snookums]

Oh, tomg, how could you wish that upon them? I recapped the first season and it makes The Following look like...well, The Following. But I would be highly amused by what spiritous liquors they select to wash it down.

 

Okay, well! Morning after shows are usually, well, a letdown, but this was--the writers keep ramping up the wrong kinds of crazy, you know? We want to see Ryan taking a road trip with Head Joe, instead we get even more egregiously sloppy/perfunctory law enforcement work then usual, another female agent from L&O stopping by, and dozens upon dozens of murderous crazies who like to get together in mansions and party with chainsaws. BOR-ING. Oh, and that fucking laptop is back, a King Charles Head in the soup. Yay.

 

Arrgh, so let's start by facing the day with Ryan, who's rolling to his feet with a tongue of cotton and several elephants tapdancing on his head. Pretty par for the course, and Kevin Bacon does a good job selling the "ooooohhhh, I forgot how BAD this is" of the first hangover in a year. He blears around the place...annnnnd this is NOT his place! Yes, it is indeed the abode of Pretty Bartender Young Enough To Be His Daughter! Between flashes of yesterday--starting with Dead Joe and ending with sloppy macking on said bartender--Ryan dons his clothes and prepares to flee, but of course she awakens and is all "I don't usually do this but you seemed so sad, and you're still pretty hot--I've got the remake of Footloose on BluRay around here somewhere." Okay, not that last part; Ryan feels bad enough as it is. He mumbles he shouldn't have been there and creeps out, leaving Bartender to text all her friends about how she boned Kevin Bacon. Hey, she earned it!

 

Cut to Ryan crawling hilariously shamefaced into his apartment, like he really thinks he can just sneak in and be all "Oh, I was here the entire time, you just didn't notice, honey!" or something. Gwen ain't having that and barrels over to him, saying she's been worried to death, calling him all night, he's hurt! but at her embrace and one whiff of Eau De Nameless Whiskey And Bartender, the switch gets flipped.

 

"You've been drinking," says Gwen. "What happened?" What happened?? What happened????? HE WAS FUCKING HELD HOSTAGE BY JOE CARROLL, KILLED/MAIMED FOUR PEOPLE, AND WATCHED JOE'S EXECUTION, GWEN! What the bloody frozen hell do you think fucking happened???? I'm not excusing Ryan here--he's way off the reservation and the only responsible thing to do is take an immediate leave of absence and check into hardcore rehab/a psych hospital, but FUCK ME. My heart is breaking for this actress and it only gets worse for her from here.

 

On to worse! This entire scene is a veritable chocolate fountain of cliches, with Gwen demanding where he's been, how could you do this, you've ruined us, as Ryan gazes at nothingness and mumbles that he screwed up but he can fix it. Poor Gwen has to keep going, with lines like "Joe owns a part of you that I can't reach," "I'm tired of trying," and so on until she mercifully pulls on her coat and says she's done. I have been no fan of Oatmeal Animated Into A Human Being's Form Gwen, as has been exhaustively documented, but this actress not only had to sell the laziest collection of random "betrayed spouse" lines EVER, she doesn't even get to be interesting, like back when we were convinced she was a mole or a Follower or whatever. Now she's just Betrayed Secretly Pregnant Marked For Death Nonentity and the fact that Zuleikha Robinson managed to stay standing upright while doing that scene is a testament to her professionalism.

 

 

"No, no, wait," mutters Ryan to the now closed door, but hey, look who's here to cheer him up! "Don't worry," says Head Joe. "You still have me." Oh, good, and here I was worried, says Ryan's face as we go to title card. Yaaaaay. 

 

Cut to a four wheel drive containing your favorite ridiculously connected to the main plot line characters and mine, Daisy and Mook! (He's realllllly into the whole "Luke's in my head" thing right now.) They're apparently sitting right outside Mike's place and Mook's plan is to just walk up and shoot him when he comes out. This is monumentally stupid for many reasons, as Daisy points out. When Daisy is the voice of reason you are in deep deep trouble. Never mind the whole gunning down somebody in broad daylight, isn't this the show where random people are caught on random cameras, spotted the instant the plot requires it, and summarily caught/shot? Let's ask Kyle! OH, WAIT, WE CAN'T BECAUSE HE'S DEAD, BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. 

 

Waaaay too long a scene between these two, with Daisy trying to convince the two for one package here that this is suicide at best and Mook being alternately bitchwhiney and snarling, and lots of mentions of the benighted laptop that's making my grind my teeth to powder, but the end result is Mook's almost convinced by Daisy's The Secret/Oprah boo-hooing touchy feely garbage when who should saunter out onto the sidewalk but: MIKE! He literally poses for the camera, just flaunting that shootable hunk o' body, rowr, and that's it for Mook! He's not going to take that from that slutty little mommy-killer, no sirree! (I find it fascinating that both halves of this dynamic duo have totally written off Max, even though she's the one who shot Luke in the first place. Mook barely cares about her even as far as the laptop [RAGE] goes.) 

 

Mike struts down the street, ostentatiously checking his sexy cell phone, because it's freezing cold outside and that's a thing people do, and Mark (I think he's Mark now) snaps, does the whole "round in the chamber" thing, and gets out of the car, saying he has to, "for Luke." He sticks the piece in his pants (and have you noticed how nobody on TV ever manages to blow a hole in their groin with that idiot manuver?) and slinks behind utterly oblivious Mark, who's still just hanging on the corner, checking his messages, feelin' groovy and shit. Mark pulls his gun, stalks towards him, a delighted sneer on his face...

 

And is promptly body-checked into a store doorway by Daisy, who points out the giant SUV filled with Mike's security detail, there to pick him up. And presumably drive him to a deserted alley and beat him about the head and shoulders for not waiting for them INSIDE instead of making himself a gigantic fucking target, but I'm not going to tell them how to do their job. Well, I mean, I DO tell them how to do their job, all the time, as in "constantly shrieking in rage at my television," but anyway, getting off track.

 

Daisy hisses to Mark that he was almost dead and she was almost alone (and this is bugging her WHY? She seemed to be doing just fine, albeit all sad and mopey that she's got to kill on her own, last time we saw her, and not at all pleased to see Mook here again. Consistency of character? What's that?) Mook, shaken up, says they'll do it her way. Joy.

 

Cut to Max and Tom making out in public in their workplace. Ahhh, professionalism. I wonder if she's still fending him off with the "owie, my cracked ribs" excuse? This PDA is interrupted by Mike's strolling towards them, to the relief of all the co workers who would actually like to get some work done and not watch two people mack on each other like they're under the bleachers at a football game. Tom, all sneaky, slides off and Max does her " I totally DID NOT BONE my ex, hi there, ex who I DID NOT RECENTLY BONE" face to Mike. These two are as subtle as a rubber crutch.

 

Mike asks after Ryan and Max says she hasn't seen him since yesterday, which is odd since all three of them should be in the middle of the debriefing of their lives and fending off every reporter in the universe. The main point of this is just to outline that Max has eliminated Agent Sloane from the potential mole list (remember that? Me neither) and so she's bringing her in on the investigation. Which one? You have, like, FIFTY going on here and frankly none of you should be anywhere near any of them. Anyway, this assignment will surely do nothing but good for Sloan's future career and gastrointestinal health. 

 

Max gets a call, and it's GWEN. Hooray, she's gone but not forgotten. Gwen's doing the enabler thing by saying Ryan's a mess and she can't be there for him but rather then walk away like a rational adult/medical professional she's decided to meddle by proxy and rope Max into the Manage Ryan Hardy's Ongoing Crisis Show. Basically she asks Max to take off in the middle of six zillion mass murder investigations and the middle of her workday to go handhold her drunky uncle and Max unhesitatingly agrees. This should end well.

 

Ryan's taking a little nap with his old buddy vodka when he hears the door open. He trots out with a hopeful "Gwen?" but it is of course Max, there to take up the enabling reins. Ryan has assembled a really crack team as far as massaging his increasingly outrageous behavior, if nothing else. 

 

Back and forth about what are you doing here, Gwen's upset, what's going on, blah blah blah, nothing you haven't seen on Intervention; the only good bit is Max desperately suggesting calling Ryan's sponsor or going to a meeting, and Ryan's "bitch, what?" look as he sneers out "I'm good. Really." Seriously, nice read, there, Kevin. The idea that any of the insanity that is this show could possibly be corralled by AA deserves just that look.

 

On and on about Joe and he's free, I don't need a babysitter, and Max finally pulls the card she knows Ryan can't resist; a new lead. It's the whole "born of violence in Philly" thing, and we are about to embark on a plotline that's bizarre and stupid even for The Following. I know, a bold statement, but I will be justified!

 

Basically, Theo's family was ritually murdered twenty five years ago and he was the only survivor. Max holds up a picture of a cute little kid and says "this is Theo." Man, when that boy's mom signed the modeling release for that shot I bet she was thinking he'd end up in picture frames at K Mart, not as the face of a future serial killer. This winding world, huh?
 

Max carries on, saying Theo fingered his mom's boyfriend as the doer, but the guy had an alibi and the case went unsolved. Six years later, the boyfriend turned up very dead in a marsh. Max says it could have been Theo's first kill and Ryan notes it fits the revenge for family profile. Theo vanished after sixteen--"a new identity," muses Ryan, and heads off. At Max's anxious "where are you going?" he turns and grunts "shower," seeming to indicate he's back in the chasing murderers saddle. Hooray, his alcoholism and psychotic breaks are all fixed now! He asks Max to coffee him up and Max enablingly agrees.

 

Speaking of, here's Theo, all grown up and dragging his ass with grit-toothed professionalism through his own ridiculous, cumbersome, unworkable plot! Penny, glowing with health and well being as is the drug addict in withdrawal's wont, asks if he's doing his homework--how domestic!--and Theo shows off the image of a big and remote mansion. Damn, how many big and remote mansions have been on this damn show so far?

 

Penny admires the fancy digs and asks who owns it, and Theo's mention of various shell companies sets off my Lily Grey alert. Seriously, if her dead billionaire crazy ass isn't involved in this somehow I will be most upset. It's really the only reason for keeping Mook around, and frankly even for this show we're hitting maximum density on "secret shadowy world of sadistic billionaire murderers." 

 

Theo goes on to raise my blood pressure by saying that the mystery owner of the latest mystery mansion has the money and power to help them disappear. I'm not going to get into this again, I'm just not; let me only say that of all the bullshit, ridiculous, audience-intelligence insulting plots the show has churning around right now, this is the most egregious. The idea that Theo needs anybody's help to disappear, considering what his character has been shown to be, is just---I'm stopping, I'm stopping now, before my brains leak out my ears.

 

Penny asks after the plan and Theo proposes a drive; "can we get breakfast on the way?" chirps the healthy-appetited heroin addict. Sure, says Theo, and they're on their way. What has become of the cryptologist, do you suppose? That housekeeper's in for quite a jolt when she comes back on Monday.

 

Cut to Daisy and Mook, hooray, heading off to shake down somebody for information on who's watching the cameras in Max's apartment SORRY I HAVE TO GO TEAR A PILLOW IN HALF okay, I'm fine. Needless to say, this is totally aggravating, and Mark saying he really needs Luke here for this isn't making it go any smoother. They enter a bike shop, Daisy does her patented "lock the door flip the closed sign gaze out the window" thing, and they confront a bebearded geek who clearly had no idea what he was getting into when he assisted Juliana. Or Daisy. I mean, Daisy said he was a contact of Juliana's and was the one who set up the whole spyware thing, but he sure seems to recognize Daisy here, and is not at all happy to see her, not a bit. 

 

He tells her to blow, that Juliana's ironed visage has forever cured him of taking freelance jobs, but Luke, delighted to be out and about, gets  up into his facepet about how her death was "a thing of beauty" and not to be such a dick about it. Sam Underwood clearly likes Luke best. Long and short, they end up convincing the guy via soldering iron to beard to help them out. See, this is why keeping sensitive info in house is the best idea, as the mysterious Eliza will point out much later, when we're all worn out and tired and too flat to point out the blasphemy that is mixing Eyes Wide Shut with The Shining.

 

Speaking of, we're back and outside Latest Mysterious Mansion and Theo and Penny scoping out the joint. They see catering vans and a lot of security about, plus majorly locked gates, and at Penny's delighted inquiry as to whether they're going to crash, Theo and his mustache mope that it's not that easy. No, it's not. What would be EASY is you making up a couple new identities, snagging some plane tickets, and heading off to a nonextradition country and chilling out forever, but let's do this instead!

 

Theo's gigantic red truck is spotted by the security goons and Penny grabs a handgun, but Theo halts her--he's after information, not mayhem. The goons and he do a back and forth about being lost and the GPS is on the fritz, and the goons are pretty firmly unhelpful as far as finding the highway is concerned--they only care that Theo and Penny be anywhere but here. This tells Theo, as he informs Penny (and presumably the goons, since he doesn't roll his window up) that there will be no sneaking in, they're going to have to assume somebody else's identity to get where they want to go. Ya don't say! Sure you don't need Eliza's precious help with that, Theo?

 

Cut to Ryan's Dark Apartment Of Denial And Mental Breakdown. Mike's cut his own presumably busy workday short to come over and pinch hit for Max, who's clearly worried. MAN, Ryan just gets all the concern and love when he's in crisis, doesn't he? Whyever would he continue to drink, do you suppose?

 

Said Ryan apparently sees "taking a shower" as synonymous with "sit on the bed, stare into space, and swill Grey Goose." Well, I guess he doesn't have a fully dressed Gwen to hop in there with him and he's forgotten how. He heads out, still in his same shirt and pants that he put on that morning at the bartender's place, hair dry, and delightfully tucking in his shirttail, like that makes a difference, to greet Mike. Standard back and forth of support/denial and we're plunging into the truly bullshit section of the show--Theo's mysterious past.

 

Look, this goes on and you've seen it a billion times if you've watched TV or seen a movie in the last fifty years, so long story short--this crime scene adds up to looking like it fits a series of murders committed in the late nineties by a guy dubbed "The Madman." Not too original, really. I'd have gone with "The Mirror" or something. Anyway. Ryan luckily just happens to know the agent who worked on the case and is now an instructor at Quantico--Lisa Campbell. Road trip time back to Virginia! Ryan is pretty much honorary governor of Virginia by now. That or a group of enraged citizens should be meeting his car with pitchforks and torches.

 

Said citizens are right lazy bastards, though, and now we're in Quantico, being held in the warm embrace of its hallways and staircases and meeting Lisa, who is played by L&O veteran Diane Neil! Hey, Di, how ya doing? Don't worry, your character can't do worse then how they wrote you off that show. 

 

Lisa looks over the files, then asks what's the interest in a twenty five year old case. She does not mention that Ryan looks like shit on toast and needs to turn in his gun and badge ASAP. She merely nods along as Ryan outlines the plan to use the Madman to lure Theo from hiding, like that's something two random agents can set up without running it by their superiors or setting up a task force OR ANYTHING FROM THE REAL WORLD. She just says she'll pull all her files and the Ryan Hardy Insanity Enabling Train has an official caboose, everybody!

 

Cut to my very favorite plotline in all the wide wide world, THE LAPTOP! Tom is roaming the halls of Forever Alone In An Unmarked Grave Federal Building, not doing his job or anything, when Sloan contacts him, needing some information since she's doing the "housekeeping" on the reports on the raid of the erstwhile Grey Safehouse. Um, isn't this the kind of thing newbie agents do? Isn't Sloane working on a LOT of stuff that is way more important and timely? 

 

Guess not! And Tom's collapsing face says he's really not happy to be hearing her voice as she asks one innocent/terrible question after another, creeping up behind her as she sits at her desk in the Glass Fortress of Solitude HQ to gaze at her like he's auditioning for Mark Wahlberg's role in Fear. Sloane thanks him for his help and hangs up and he strolls back down the hall, radiating "OH FUCK OH GOD OH NO" with every step. This will end well.

 

Cut to presumably Lisa's office, as the four of them pore over old files and Lisa adds to the stupidity quotient of the show by saying that the suspect is described as having a medium build (unlike the actor they cast, who is like eleven feet tall). Anyway, Competent Ryan has finally fought his way free of Head Joe and Grey Goose to thrust the pictures of the old crime scenes forward, indicating that a Water and Power van was outside the crime scenes, where the lights had been cut off, hmmmm. They surmise that that's a good cover for a man of ill intent--maintenance workers are practically invisible. Too bad nobody twigged this back on the original investigation but oh, well! Thanks, Competent Ryan; too bad you will be conspicuous by your absence later today!

 

Ryan says he's heading up to Philly and Lisa jumps up with a "we're heading up." Ryan can't stop her--it was her case--but puts the kibosh on Max and Mike going along: "Stay here, get us a name." And blows, off to Philly. Maybe he'll get a trip to the Liberty Bell in between shots of booze and flagrant violations of procedure.

 

Mike asks Max if Ryan ditched them on purpose and Max's expression says NO DUH even as her lips say "I hope not." Mike, you wuz ditched. Ryan's back with his old love booze and Joe's making it a threesome; what could you possibly offer on par with that?

 

But we'll have to wait on that, as Penny is swinging her way back to Giant Red Truck Of Lay-Low, carrying coffee and snacks. Boy, she's in a perky mood, considering she should be puking, shaking, and cursing the world right now (do drugs!) She bounces into the front seat for a little brother/sister snipefest with grumpy cat Theo, saying sorry, no macrobiotic chalupas, and his problem is that he's a perfectionist and she's spontaneous and fun! Yeah, Penny seems like a laugh riot, what with the whole crazy ass killer brother/ending up in hellhole abandoned houses thing she's got going on. We should go shoe shopping!

 

Theo continues to scold about her recklessness and immaturity, but Penny ain't listening, giving him a positively flirty glance before changing the subject to Mystery Mansion and what's going on with their crazy idiotic unworkable totally unnecessary plan to enter its portals. Theo's got a line on the limos heading to the mansion and a Daniel Carr, who is a "lobbyist extraordinaire," party invitee, and has the terrible luck of looking a lot like Theo and Penny. Man, even the cryptologist is having a better day then Daniel's going to.

 

Speaking of useless plottings, back to the bike shop! Where Beardo (his name is Silas) is diligently tapping away on his own laptop while Mike and Daisy have a heart to heart as to why the bleeding hell they're still on this show. Seriously, I do not care about this conversation--it does nothing to advance the plot and neither of these people should be alive, let alone running around being evil together. Daisy's well-worn line of flattery patter to boost Mark's spirits--all about how he's a smart, sweet man and a good cook and funny and having a good heart (YEP, SHE SAID THAT) does have me puking in my mouth, though. Luckily Mark's in charge of the body right now and buys this line of bullshit--Luke would be stabbing her on the spot.

 

Cut to the Two Springs Motel, Philly's Phinest Accommodations, as Ryan and Lisa head in to check in (to the hotel, not with any of their employers or Philly PD or ANYTHING) but the clerk does the "just a mo' " thing and heads to the back. I honestly thought he was the killer and having spotted Ryan, was fleeing for his life, but apparently he's just hitting the can. 

 

Ryan is distracted by a TV, nattering away about Joe Carroll's execution, but has his trance interrupted by Lisa's saying he shouldn't be out working after yesterday. NO. NO, HE SHOULD NOT. The only place Ryan should be, as I said earlier, is the middle of a massive debriefing and then a fucking hospital room, but hey, who cares about letting this floridly unstable armed man run around ruining the reputation of the FBI singlehanded? 

 

Ryan says he likes to work and Lisa give a grimace of commiseration before outlining that if the catch The Madman, this needs to go by the book. Ryan politely doesn't burst out laughing in her face while shrieking "HAVE YOU MET ME?" but merely nods along to her monologue about how this has to go by the book, this guy killed a lot of people on her watch, etc. Luckily the front desk guy reappears before the entire galaxy spontaneously combusts at the notion of Ryan Hardy doing anything legally or carefully and Lisa heads over to check them in.

 

Ryan's phone rings, and he answers to hear Mike, calling with a lead! They have a name, Oleg Bukovich. Well, there's another guy killing because he was saddled with a handle like Oleg Bukovich--yes, I know it's a perfectly normal ethnic name but please, this is The Following. If they aren't naming main characters Max/Mike/Mark so that I continually fuck up my typing of said names, they're hanging shit like Oleg Bukovich around some poor day player's neck just for the hell of it.

 

Ryan is distracted by how super easy it was for two people to track down a credible lead in less then four or so hours (Philly PD sure comes out smelling like a rose, not to mention Lisa, here) by--hey, it's Head Joe! He's fresh from beating/tying up Competent Ryan and ready to party! Okay, Joe, shake this shit up a bit, let's have some fun!

 

Unfortunately, that's not what happens, as The Following once again flushes its greatest asset--James Purefoy's commitment to this drivel--straight down the toilet. Rather then the flamboyant Mayor of Bizarro Land that we've all come to love, he's now a dour presence, always in that shitty black hoodie, either getting Ryan to chugalug booze or, like here, not saying a word, just giving a "follow me" jerk of the head and going out the door. It's plain what's going on, as Ryan tells Mike to send him Oleg's photo and he'll call him later--he's planning yet another solo botch job, this time with Joe's encouragement, but it's all dark and dull and lifeless. How can these showrunners not see what they're doing???

 

Anyway, Mike says he and Max are heading over to Philly (without telling anybody where they're going--how the hell do these three ever get reimbursed for travelling expenses, aside from everything else?) and Ryan hangs up to Lisa's question about whether his guys got anything. No, lies Ryan to her face, they're still working on it, thanks for the key card hey I left something in the car I am not acting suspicious in the least and pelts out the door. All right, says bemused Lisa, not realizing that her life and career are about to receive the Ryan Hardy Salted Earth Treatment.

 

Ryan swings outside and into the rental, peeling out in a totally normal, I am totally not going to ruin this entire case manner, and into the break. Yes, nobody, but nobody, is more trustworthy right now then Ryan "At Least When They Did This Hallucination Bullshit On House, House Was Freaked Out About It" Hardy!

 

And that's it for this half! See you on the flip side for Grandma hoarding houses, mystery mansion full of murderers redux, and why you shouldn't ever grab somebody's gun!

Edited May 5, 2015 by Snookums

[Sarah D. Bunting]

"I would like to suggest Under the Dome for the next Sarah/Poe Head collaboration as it would be a great source of stupidity for them to dissect."

We could never take it away from Tara! (Plus I simply cannot with that show. But I may detail him to Finding Carter.)

[marcee]

"I would like to suggest Under the Dome for the next Sarah/Poe Head collaboration as it would be a great source of stupidity for them to dissect."

We could never take it away from Tara! (Plus I simply cannot with that show. But I may detail him to Finding Carter.)

I would suggest Wayward Pines. It's only fair. They advertised it three times for every one Sprint commercial during The Following. Besides, I think Poe could could get into that.

[ZoloftBlob]

 

I posted this when Tom stole the laptop and I'll post it again now that he has killed someone over it...all because his girlfriend cheated on him? Really?  Is she really worth all the trouble?

 

Actually I kinda got this although its actually a bit subtle for the Following.

 

He didn't kill that woman because Max cheated on him. This is actually a sort of comedy of errors that kept compounding and compounding.  The second he hid the laptop, he pretty much ended his career in the FBI but... he could have salvaged it if he had just fessed up back at the base. He didn't. Worst case scenario there is that he would have lost his job and his cheating girl, and frankly if he'd confessed quickly, he probably would have just gotten a write up. But now it's dragging.... the longer he doesn't confess, the more likely it is that he will be fired and lose the ability to be a cop on any level. Then *people die* because of the stolen laptop in his possession. Now he's on the hook for accessory to murder and bare minimum, public shaming as he's driven from his job as a bad cop. As the body count rises, all because he didn't turn in the laptop, its looking more and more like he's gonna be that ex-FBI mofo on Cell Block Three with the newly raped asshole. And now his boss is snuffling around and has caught him in gigantic lies in a case a shit ton of people have died because of him lying.... he's so screwed.

 

This all starts because he was suspicious of Max, yes. But step by step, his fall from grace was all on him.

 

And look at that, I found a diamond in this shit ton of crap! :D

[thuganomics85]

Ha, this show is way too predictable.  As soon as Theo and Penny were wondering what was going on with that party, I knew it was going to be a sex party.  It is always a sex party.  Those creepy rich folks love their sex parties!  And, hey, Nina from The Americans is the one running the show!  Oh, Annet Mahendru.  You are way too good (and hot) for this show.  But it sounds like she is who Theo needs to get him and Penny new identities, so I'm guessing she'll be back.

 

"The Mad Man?"  Really?  And he was just a typical dude.  Come on, I wanted a Killer Don Draper!!  How awesome would it have been if it was Don in his slick suit, killing people, with a glass a scotch in his hand?  Backed up by Roger Sterling making inappropriate wisecracks, and Pete Campbell freaking out over all the blood.

 

Novak!  OK, I know she had another name, but Diane Neal will always be Novak to me.

 

WTF, Tom?!!  You are now accidentally shooting fellow agents, just to keep your stalkerish behavior under wraps?  What is wrong with you?  It ain't worth it, you silly loon.

 

Ryan's gone nutso.  Gwen's finally had enough of his shit and bailed.  I would care more if I ever gave a damn about that relationship. But Ryan still has Ghost Joe!  Ghost Joe, who is getting him in all sorts of trouble.  Hilarious!  And, of course Max and Mike are trying to talk him back, but they suck at it, since they're such pushovers.

 

Oh, great: Mark and Daisy are back. Just go ahead and kill them, Theo.   You are way more fun then those two.

[Dowel Jones]

I balked at the security gate scene with Theo and the guards.  Either they're already on private property, in which case, why wasn't there already a fence, or they're on public property across the street from the fence, in which case, piss off, guards, you got nothing coming.  Secondly, it looked like they had been sitting there awhile, rather than just driving up.  Yet the guards just now notice them.

 

My guess is that Tom will meet a bad end before it can be discovered that he had the laptop.  He painted himself into a corner.

 

So was that Philip and Elizabeth that Theo saw in Nina Sergeevna's secret rooms?

[luckyroll3]

If there was any doubt that swat boyfriend was a complete, total, fucking idiot, then that went out the window this episode. What a doofus.

And oh yeah, SHUT UP GWEN!

[Snookums]

Okay, part two! Sorry for the delay, but yesterday started with getting my carpets steam cleaned, moved onto seeing The Avengers, and ended with the Rifftrax Live broadcast of The Room. So an excellent day, really, and quite good for getting one's brain in shape to accept the "We don't even CARE that it's shit anymore" world of The Following.

 

 

So, sigghhhh....where the fuck were we? Oh, right, completely wasting Head Joe in a dour nothing of a walk on, but it does lead to Ryan barreling off into his latest hot mess of bad decisions and craploading, like he's a triathaloner who snarfs personal destruction instead of those disgusting pressed-cardboard power bars. So we've got that to watch. 

 

But not yet! Hold onto that ruinous impulse, Ryan, because right now we're back in your favorite state, Virginia (What the hell do the writers have against Virginia? I assume it's because the show already has all the filming permits there so they just set everything in this bucolic land, but if I was a state Senator I would be lodging a strong protest against how the population is portrayed) and inside a limo, containing a chirping bird of a woman commenting "this place is far, huh?" and our latest soon to be victim, Daniel--the one who has the unfortunate luck to look enough like Theo and Penny. That will not be doing him any good, starting three seconds from now.

 

Daniel's superior purring about how exclusive this party/mansion are (which comes out vaguely threatening, for good reason, as we see later) is interrupted by his limo suddenly slowing down. What the hell? They aren't at Exclusive Party yet! The couples' questions are about to be answered in all bad ways by Theo, who, along with his mustache, has just hopped into the back with them! Hey, buddy, how are ya? 

 

Deflecting the "who the hell are yous" with a blink, Theo husks out "evening, Daniel, Ma'am," and knocks on partition, which rolls down to reveal a dead chauffeur and Penny, grinning and pointing a gun at them. I guess this is kind of a contact high for Penny. She certainly looks delighted. 

 

Theo says he's got some questions about the party, and even in the face of these two psychos Daniel blanches--"If you know about the party, you know I can't talk about it." Theo's used to extracting from the reluctant though, and reaches over to pull the knife out of the driver's head, saying he's a professional at causing pain and Daniel's an amateur at taking it, so let's get on with the Q&A, hmmm? Who's hosting the party?

 

Daniel reluctantly gives the name "Eliza," but actually tries to warn these two people who just killed a guy and are holding him hostage against any further action--"Listen to me; these people? You do not want their attention." That's nice of him, but I think it's a wasted gesture. Theo smirks that that's exactly what he wants, actually, and Penny tells them to hop out of their fancy outfits--we don't want to get any blood on the clothes." Which is admittedly intimidating but wouldn't it be easier to just have formal gear with them to change into? It's not like tuxes and evening gowns are so hard to come by that you've got to strip your latest victims. How do they know the stuff will even fit? It would be hilarious if Theo showed up with like six inches of sock and shirt cuff showing and Penny falling out of the bust of her dress.

 

Okay, NOW we're back with Ryan "Knowing Me: The Worst Decision You'll Ever Make" Hardy, just outside the palatial residence of the mysterious Oleg. Who, by the way, I guess isn't killing anymore? I mean, he operated in the nineties but nothing more recent, right? I guess the Philly PD had an "eh, let sleeping dogs lie" policy on him once he slowed down. Anyway, Ryan strolls, warrentless, up to the front door of this place, of which every board and timber is radiating EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS BAD, JUST KEEP RIGHT ON WALKING to the world at large. He gives a glance to his cell so we can see what Oleg looks like, which is considerate of him. (And he can keep Diane Neal company--I've seen this actor on L&O like ten times.)

 

Ryan blatantly breaks in (literally, he breaks a pane of glass to unlock the door--procedurals, bah!) and enters a shithole done in "Early Hoarder Aunt." I have to admit, the set people did a helluva job. One look at this place and the Hoarders people would be wetting their pants and twitching their fingers to get at it. Ryan moves through the rooms, checking to see if a huge, crazy murderer heard the breaking glass at his front door, but nothing but piles and piles of junk seem to be on hand.

 

Even in the dark, though, he spots the stairs to what proves to be the dankest, most miserable cellar in the history of houses, and heads on down. (Call his partner? The police? Aren't you cute.) It is, of course, done up in Standard Crazy Person art--lots of repetitive symbols and crap, seemingly, in a nice touch, to be made of mirror shards, facing coated side out. Okay, one look at this room of terror and bad things would send any sane person rocketing up the steps and into the arms of the National Guard, but the show's been pretty clear that Ryan and sanity are even more on the outs then Ryan and Gwen. He keeps looking around (And for ONCE turns on the damn light, so hey, insanity's got its pluses, I guess!) 

 

There's your required Nutter Notebook, with a knife placed atop it, on a table and Ryan promptly and with bare hands flips it open to reveal the usual "I'm a fucking whackjob" art and scribblings so dear to scriptwriters everywhere. He's busily getting his fingerprints all over the damn thing (not to mention the knife/probable murder weapon) when he spots and opens a door in the wall, to reveal a shoebox full of tapes and a player. Oh,boy, this should be life and hope affirming.

 

He immediately and with bare hands sticks a tape into the thing, and of course it is as you'd expect: the horrific screams of the murderer's victims, recorded for his later listening pleasure. Ahh, The Following, never afraid to go where it doesn't need to. So not only does the viewing audience get to hear horrible and unnecessary suffering, Ryan's just announced to anybody in the house exactly where he is! Man, no wonder Head Joe was so silent and glum--he was clearly all tired out from beating up and trussing Competent Ryan like a Cornish game hen.

 

Okay, FINALLY. Ryan hears a creaking board and, pulling his gun, rushes out to get bumrushed and knocked down by the presumable owner of this domestic wonderland. It takes a few minutes but, as per Edict From On High Concerning All Things Ryan Does, the guy gets away, but not before we have to sit through a quick Chase Through A Darkened Set! It's like an Easter basket--just as each one must contain black jelly beans, so each episode of The Following must have one of these useless time wasters.

 

Everything winds up as we knew it would--Ryan panting for breath as his quarry vanishes into thin air, contemplating how many states he's professionally screwed the pooch in by now. I hope the Obsession Room in his apartment has a map with little pushpins that have sad faces on them. 

 

Back from break and also back with Ryan, being reamed out by Lisa "Dude, I actually CARE about my job" Campbell, rating him, and rightly so, about how he nearly got himself killed and now the Madman (guh, that name, so boring!) is in the wind. She doesn't mention that his flagrant violations of procedure will probably mean they can't bust him even if they find him, but who cares?

 

Ryan, as befits an alcoholic in a downward spiral, tries to minimize--"We'll find him, awright?"--and frankly, it shouldn't be that hard, with the snow and the fresh tracks that the guy probably left (but are also probably being summarily trampled by the swarm of extras trudging around with flashlights)--but Lisa won't be appeased: "We HAD HIM! And if you'd followed protocol he'd be in custody!" She is totally and completely correct, and it makes me wonder exactly how that there Congressional Hearing signed off on Ryan Hardy's bullshit. 

 

Lisa, disgusted, stomps down the steps with a "talk some sense into him" to MAX AND MIKE! Who apparently have teleported over for this scene, hey guys! Hope you put on your Enabling Work Pants because you've got a long night ahead of you! 

 

Max asks after him and Ryan snarls "fine," and when Mike questions that, pointing out he could be suspended for this (suspended, hell, he should be fired at the very, very least), Ryan shows his gratitude by screaming that he doesn't care, and they should get busy pulling everything they can find on Oleg, then stomping back into the crime scene house he just contaminated. Well, okay, since you asked so nice. I will say, though, that at least Kevin Bacon isn't worried about how unlikable he's making Ryan, and that's the right choice. This is a decompensating alcoholic who's having hallucinations--he's not going to be holding it together very well. Max says she's never seen him like this, and Mike replies "I have" in a weirdly casual way, like he's talking about that Spring Break in Cabo or something.

 

OH JOY OH HAPPINESS WE ARE BACK AT THE LAPTOP PLOT THREAD. And shit's about to get--real? Nope? More floridly and ridiculously stupid then ever before? YES.

 

Ding Dong and it's Tom's place, with said Tom approaching his apartment door to reveal: Sloane! Who is really unhealthily obsessed with this housekeeping on the safe house task that she has no business doing--hand that shit off to a rookie already! You're working multiple murder cases, Sloane! 

 

Anyway, Sloane apologizes for the late hour but she can't get some details to add up, and Tom offered to help, does he mind? You stopping by at ten at night with routine paperwork? Why should he mind? Hell, this office apparently doesn't care when and where you show up during the day, so why not?
 

Tom, whose eyes are screaming OH GOD NO even as smilingly agrees and lets her in, clearly is wishing he had just left that stupid laptop where he found it and put up with having a breakup conversation, but grits his teeth and tries to act normal. And since we're talking about that damn thing, let's cut over from his place to the bike shop, where Silas has apparently finally had some luck. He can't find who's watching Max, but hey, at least the thing is INSIDE THE FBI'S HEADQUARTERS, how's that for luck? So, what, Tom swept up the broken pieces of the thing into his knapsack and just left it in his locker? Didn't drop it in the East River or a dumpster or anything? What a moron, he deserves to get caught. 

 

Mook asks how long before they can figure out which agent is using the laptop and Silas says never; hacking the FBI is way above his skill range. Dude, with that attitude you will never get hired on at Manatech! Believe in yourself a little! 

 

Mook wails that he knew that this was a waste of time, but Daisy, ever perky, says it still helps them; all they have to do is find somebody who can hack into the server. Oh, okay, let's just take out a Craigslist ad!

 

Mook agrees with me, asking sarcastically if she knows somebody who can do that, and--yes, she does! Remember how Theo let her go? Against every shred of reason and rationality, back at the cabin? Well, IT WAS SO WE COULD HAVE THIS SCENE! The plot is by now not so much a monkey on the writers' backs as it is a rabid and screeching Gorilla Grod, demanding constant absurd sustenance. 

 

Speaking of! We are at long last back with Theo and Penny, strolling into the Fancy Fancy Party! We've been waiting for this, oh boy! It's important to note that Theo is wearing a clear mask, which he clearly took from Daniel (there was a close up of Daniel holding it.) Penny isn't wearing one, though. Hmmm, that probably won't be important later.

 

And we're in to Off The Shelf Dark Cutting Edge Soiree! Everybody's in tuxes and heels except your Costco Box Set of Tied Up Blindfolded Guys, random leaning in tiny shorts against things pretty young things, and Uncomfortable Straps Outfit champagne dispensers. Man, all these damn dark secrets of the elite parties are the same! Just once I'd like to see the party planners do something different! Like, coatimundis in little Pagliacci clown outfits doing disco dances! 

 

Penny, having snagged a glass of bubbly to Theo's disapproval, asks how they're supposed to find this Eliza chick. Theo, scanning the crowd, says he figures she'll be pretty close to the action, and spots a similarly masked male guest grabbing the hand of a woman and leading her over to what's clearly the entrance to the VIP room. Well, Eliza knows the the first rule of a successful club; make them fight to get in, then fight to get in the back. Not everybody gets a mask and bracelet.

 

Theo follows the pair--amusingly relieving Penny of her champers and putting it back on the same tray--and sees the other guy getting a bracelet he's wearing scanned before being admitted to the upstairs, his date seeming reluctant to follow but not fighting. Theo heads over there promptly and gets his own bracelet zapped. I gotta give him points for taking all that stuff--If I held up a guy and his date, killed them and dressed in their clothes I would totally forget to snag the Murder Pass bracelet. Penny gives a flirty little finger wave to the bouncer--she's in her element and the actress is having a good time, which is fun to watch.

 

Upstairs they go to a long hallway with a lot of doors. They head down, peeking in--they aren't even shut, man, why bother with all this security if you're not going to shut the door to your killing room? First they see the guy they followed clearly strangling the woman he took up there--and then The Following pisses all over that famous scene from The Shining where Shelly Duvall sees the ghosts of the guy in the tux and the guy in the dog suit. The showrunners decided it would be classier to switch to a chainsaw and muffled screams, isn't that nice? Stephen King must feel so flattered. Anyway, the guys in the rooms are wearing masks, clearly indicating that mask-wearers are the murderers and presumably wear them so they can't be identified. I probably just put more thought into this then any of the writers.

 

Theo and Penny press on, Penny looking like she's having less fun now, until they reach a velvet rope (cute.) Random Security guy says the area's off limits, and Penny turns her night around by smilingly saying they're just going to see Eliza, distracting him until Theo can stab him in the neck. These two are a well practiced team. Penny even remembers to take the security guy's gun!

 

They stroll into Eliza's office (why do people who run sex and murder parties always sit out said sex and murder parties in their offices? Why bother throwing one if you're not going to be a good host?) take down the other security goon and Penny holds a bead on said Eliza while Theo makes sure she can't pull her own piece from a convenient drawer. You're overpaying your security company, E.

 

So anyway, this goes on for a bit  but the long and short of it is Theo introduces himself as Strauss's murderer and how he's sure she understands the whole reasoning behind that, and say, since they've got so much in common, why not help him out with this whole new identity (BULLSHIT) problem he's got? Eliza looks amused at the idea of doing anything for these two that doesn't involve a bathtub full of acid, but Theo presses on, adroitly turning attention from Penny when she bitches that her feet are killing her and Eliza queries whom she might be. Theo's auto-protect of Penny is nicely done here.

 

Basically, Theo says that they also have an enemy in common--Ryan Hardy. He caught Strauss, Joe, etc. and has come the closest to catching him; how long can Eliza stay off his radar? Eliza, who clearly runs in the kind of circles that make but small hash of the ninety nine percent, smirks that she'll pretend that matters. Theo then offers to bring Ryan Hardy to her, dead or alive, if not totally intact.

 

Eliza points out that she'd need a good reason to outsource something like that (I'd say your dead security guys make a convincing argument, there, Eliza), but Theo points out that he's already exposed--if she goes after Ryan and fails she puts a target on her back, but Theo doesn't have to worry about that. He can provide a firewall. What's that worth? 

 

Blah blah blah cut rate James Bond scene goes on for a bit, but Theo's too smooth to name his price outright--he puts down a business card with one of his web contacts on it and says hey, call if you're interested, babe. He and Penny head off, presumably to scoop up a little caviar before calling it a night.

 

MAN, there's still fifteen minutes of this! How do they get so much crap into one hour?
 

Back to Two Springs Motel, where Ryan, far from being arrested/thrown off the case, is paging through boxes of evidence! Man, I really need to join the FBI, that there is some serious job security. In another of those "let's pretend we care about reality for a sec" touches, Ryan is wearing bright blue evidence gloves--oh, now he cares. 

 

Ryan's all twitchy, though--the minibar's calling his name, and he barely hesitates before downing one nip. But there's a knock at the door and he throws it into a drawer--then grabs another one and stuffs it in his pocket. Um, okay.

 

It's Lisa at the door, but she's not here to punch Ryan in the face or threaten him with multiple charges or anything, just to give him a pass because his lead got them so close to Oleg but this can't happen again. This is one brave little Enabling Train Caboose!

 

That out of the way, they move on to the particulars of their latest murderer--he thinks he's Charon, that mirrors are portals to hell, blah blah blah; meanwhile, said murderer has strolled right into our heros' hotel! Boy, that Philly PD is on its toes, it is! 

 

The desk clerk is AWOL, again, but then appears to meet his fate as a day player on The Following; at this creepy stranger's demand for the FBI's room numbers, he is first bewildered, then panicked, then macheted! Farewell, Two Springs Motel Clerk! May you enjoy two for one shooters with Little Mandy and the others in the afterlife!

 

Oleg (I refuse to call him Madman. That is a DUMB NAME) sees and breaks a mirror, then starts searching for Ryan and Lisa's room numbers.

 

Up in said room, Lisa is listening to those horrible tapes while Ryan's in the bathroom with the door open (Why even have doors? Or did the Door Union get together and demand they stay open at all times so Ryan can't kick them in anymore?) downing that tiny bottle o'spirits and leaving a groveling alkie message for Gwen, which Lisa can hear every word of. Ugh, Lisa, knowing Ryan isn't going to get any pleasanter from here on. 

 

Ryan comes back out and Lisa basically gives him the same advice Gina did--either get out of this job or give up on having relationships, which is pretty cold, but given Ryan's status as a Tornado of Doom to all around him, not bad on the whole. Ryan, however, is pretty violently allergic to anything that sounds remotely like the truth, so he promptly bails to "walk around, get some air [drink my face off], you want anything?" Nah, says Lisa, I'm good, and besides, it's not like we (YOU) flushed out a crazy desperate killer today or anything, I'll be fine on my own. Heck, might even hop in the shower! What could go wrong?

 

Ryan trots off but the restaurant is closed. Life is pretty much one giant Calvin peeing on Ryan sticker, isn't it?

 

Back to Oleg, who's taken this opportunity to slip effortlessly into Lisa's room, where she is indeed showering (They are just TROLLING US with the Cliche Bingo shit now) and basically just hangs out waiting for her to get done. Ryan, in the meantime, has spotted the mortal remains of the front desk clerk and the smashed mirror, oh dear! He charges upstairs!

 

These scenes cut back and forth with Oleg announcing his presence by playing those disgusting tapes AGAIN (WHAT THE HELL? Is this some kind of fetish for the director?), Lisa hearing and donning a robe (but not her gun, unfortunately) and getting attacked (lovely), as Ryan races to their rooms. Pretty standard "fails to build tension" stuff for this show, but Lisa does get in a good move where she blocks Oleg's machete with a box of evidence before Ryan busts in, tackles him onto the couch, and beats his face into a pudding in a fit of blind rage! Wowsers, he really was pissed at the restaurant being closed! 

 

So pissed, in fact, that even though Oleg is down for the count Ryan grabs up his machete and nearly splits the guy like a coconut--only Lisa screaming at him to stop while brandishing her own weapon halts him! Damn, Ryan, I don't want to tell you your business but I think you might be handling your stressors a wee bit ineffectively.

 

TEN MINUTES TO GO. How much stupid can The Following cram in? A lot!

 

Cut to Oleg, bebandaged but pretty alert considering the head trauma he just experienced, being interrogated by the agents he just tried to murder/was nearly killed by. Because that's a thing that happens. Ryan's asking about the Theo murders and why O spared him, but the guy won't talk until Ryan grabs him by his freshly wounded noggin and forces him around to see the two way mirror, which his lawyer is presumably not standing behind. 

 

Lisa pries Ryan off, but Oleg's tongue is loosened--he basically got to be buddy-buddy with blossoming crazy Theo when he did maintenance in the kid's building, and was recruited by Theo to come kill his abusive family. OKAY, SURE. WHY THE HELL NOT, RIGHT? The only other good part is finding out that Penny was apparently a foster kid who was taken in for the monthly check, but nobody seemed to notice her existence until right this minute. Look, I know CPS is a beaucratic nightmare BUT NOBODY NOTICED SHE EXISTED? Sigggghhhh....Also, Penny's real name is apparently Sophia and Theo had a special bond with her, I don't care anymore.

 

Final Song starts as Max and Mike have a sitdown on some random set about Ryan's drunkenness and general crumbling state. The Enabling Train charges down the tracks as Mike takes point, saying Lisa stopped Ryan from splitting Oleg like a pig and they'll be there to "help him through this." Guys, I know you care about Ryan but this shit is WWWWWAAAAAAAYYYYY above your pay grade. You need to report to his superiors and get him pulled off active duty now.

 

Daisy sends a online note to Theo, telling Mook that he gave her a way to contact him if he ever heard of anything to put him in jeopardy. Well, whatever, I guess they had to come up with something to justify these two still being around. Daisy does her "this guy's scary" routine but she already played that card with Neil and I don't care about this either. Do like the creepy clown infested dummy "contact Theo" birthday party site, though. Oh, and Mook and Daisy are sticking together, aren't you glad?

 

Penny and Theo ride through the night when he gets Daisy's message and regrets leaving her alive. You and me both, buddy boy.

 

AND NOW! Time for the grand finale of bullshit; yes, it's Tom making the latest in a series of terrible, awful decisions! He and Sloane are going over that whole safe house crap thing on a diagram and he's madly covering his ass, as per his game plan, which seems to be going fine--he just denies ever being anywhere near the floor where the laptop would have been--until Sloan starts looking for a second report to confirm what he said. Uh oh.

 

Tom, panicking as he hears about this about-to-expose-his-lie file of papers, sets down his coffee and stares at Sloane, frozen in terror, as she glances down,reads...

 

And pulls her weapon! Tom immediately rushes forward into the gun, yelling wait wait, she doesn't understand, but is not rewarded for his idiocy by a bullet; instead, the struggle results in a loud bang and Sloane sinking backwards onto his bed, a hole in her stomach and life leaving her eyes! "NO!" yells Tom, "No, no, no!" as he grips the instrument of Sloane's passing and realized he's well and truly fucked. Dude, maybe next time you'll listen to me and just fucking break up with your girlfriend and slid the laptop onto Ryan's chair after hours! Because this...this is no good. 

 

Ryan comes home and finds that Gwen's done packed up and gone, as she should. I rag on Gwen but she's right to a) not drag this out and b) bail on the sinking ship that is the USS Ryan Hardy. 

 

Ryan pulls out his cell, but before he can make another stupid/humiliating call--yes, it's Joe! And he's got lines this time! "You're better off without her," he purrs. "Now, how 'bout a drink?" Why, yes, I'd love one, Mr. Purefoy--oh, you're talking to Ryan. No, it's okay, I understand. He'll never love you like I do, but it's fine! 

 

Pan onto Ryan's sad, resigned to this craziness mug, and we're out! Thank GOD. 

 

Next week: TWO hours of this crap and I'm pretty much going to be doing a highlights reel, but I will not surrender! We will go down with The Following Ship!

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snookums

[morgankobi]

So a pregnant ex-girlfriend who never got the chance to throw that news in Ryan's face when she was either mad, or trying to talk him out of something dangerous, will have to end up dead, right? Because that's the dramatic way he finds out she was pregnant- during the autopsy, of course!
 
I know she is technically a sane, regular person on this show, but when she yelled at Ryan to "get over Joe already!" less than 12 hours after he had finally been executed, I just wanted to say, "Kill Emma Gwen!"

Edited May 8, 2015 by morgankobi