Family Ties: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

[PRgal]

I recently received the pandemic protocol package from my son's preschool.  So much to go through!  This also ushers in a new era.  I really hope he's prepared/understands that mommy and daddy (and Poh Poh and Gung Gung) won't be at school with him and that he'll see us in a few hours.  School will be good for him/his mental and social health.  And yeah, my parents are finally understanding WHY we want him at school.

[Lady Whistleup]

I was in the hospital for two days with C diff. Truly the most awful thing imaginable -- a combo of nonstop diarrhea with the flu.

Anyway, my mom was with me and there is nothing as fearsome as Asian tiger moms in hospitals. Nurses just called her "mom" as she vigilantly made sure I was getting the best possible care. But honestly, it was so necessary. I was so weak I was needing to go to the bathroom every five minutes and without my mom I probably would have made the nurses' life so much harder with, uh, accidents.

[shapeshifter]

14 minutes ago, Lady Whistleup said:

I was in the hospital for two days with C diff. Truly the most awful thing imaginable -- a combo of nonstop diarrhea with the flu.

Anyway, my mom was with me and there is nothing as fearsome as Asian tiger moms in hospitals. Nurses just called her "mom" as she vigilantly made sure I was getting the best possible care. But honestly, it was so necessary. I was so weak I was needing to go to the bathroom every five minutes and without my mom I probably would have made the nurses' life so much harder with, uh, accidents.

I had that or something like it in the 1960s when I was 13. Vomiting and diarrhea non-stop. I missed 2 weeks of school and lost so much weight that my clothes hung noticeably loosely on me. I was on antibiotics and a restricted diet the whole 2 weeks --mostly Jell-O and tea. 
Anyway, after 2 weeks, my Dad snuck in a large chocolate chip cookie to me. I gobbled it up. I think he may have brought me a second one. Fond memory.

Hope you will have your chocolate chip cookie moment soon, @Lady Whistleup!

[Lady Whistleup]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

I had that or something like it in the 1960s when I was 13. Vomiting and diarrhea non-stop. I missed 2 weeks of school and lost so much weight that my clothes hung noticeably loosely on me. I was on antibiotics and a restricted diet the whole 2 weeks --mostly Jell-O and tea. 
Anyway, after 2 weeks, my Dad snuck in a large chocolate chip cookie to me. I gobbled it up. I think he may have brought me a second one. Fond memory.

Hope you will have your chocolate chip cookie moment soon, @Lady Whistleup!

That sounds awful. I'm well on my way to making my goal weight with this C diff lol ... The only upside.

[PRgal]

17 hours ago, Lady Whistleup said:

I was in the hospital for two days with C diff. Truly the most awful thing imaginable -- a combo of nonstop diarrhea with the flu.

Anyway, my mom was with me and there is nothing as fearsome as Asian tiger moms in hospitals. Nurses just called her "mom" as she vigilantly made sure I was getting the best possible care. But honestly, it was so necessary. I was so weak I was needing to go to the bathroom every five minutes and without my mom I probably would have made the nurses' life so much harder with, uh, accidents.

My son is getting over a stomach bug - he likely caught it from my husband who was going to the bathroom non-stop for a day.  My son, on the other hand, was vomiting (the doctor said that children are more likely to puke while teens and adults get diarrhea).  He seemed to recover a bit after 24 hours, but when he got up the morning after that, he was not his usual self.  We took him to the hospital where the doctor there gave him some meds to stop vomiting and if he didn't throw up after 15 minutes of taking it, could come home.  Well, he came back that day and has not thrown up since.  The doctor visit was Wednesday and I was so worried.  It was the first time since his hand, foot and mouth before he turned one that he was REALLY SICK.  He's still being eased back to real food and probably won't be taking normal portion sizes until next week.  But at least he's no longer on a mostly soft foods and toast diet.  They never suspected Covid, however (and never had a fever).  

[WinnieWinkle]

I got a call today from Election Canada offering me a job at a polling station on election day (I've done this in the past) anyway I accepted and didn't think anything more of it really until I told my husband about it.  Well he put his dainty size 13s down and insisted that I call them back and decline.  I should say right now this is not how he normally behaves.  At all!  He is very concerned on two fronts - one obviously the whole issue of Covid and social distancing and potentially being around ummasked people (people can not be compelled to wear a mask to vote according to the Elections Canada official I spoke to) and aside from the health concerns he is also worried about safety based on the threats of violence and other nonsense that is swirling around this election.  Personally I am not worried about this - the Covid, yes, he has a valid point.  But to keep family peace I've turned down the job.  I don't know whether to be happy he cares for my safety or annoyed that I've let him make a decision for me!

[Bastet]

4 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

I don't know whether to be happy he cares for my safety or annoyed that I've let him make a decision for me!

I'd say both, but more of the former since this is not at all his norm.  No, he shouldn't have insisted rather than just expressing his concerns and leaving you to decide, but if this is an anomaly for him, not part of a pattern of controlling behavior, I'd just chalk it up to things being overcharged in general these days, and his worry causing him to do a caring thing in the wrong way.

[shapeshifter]

6 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

...people can not be compelled to wear a mask to vote according to the Elections Canada official I spoke to...I don't know whether to be happy he cares for my safety or annoyed that I've let him make a decision for me!

Like @Bastet said, "I'd say both."
And that's enough.

But, also, is it possible that in part you allowed him to take the blame for you backing out?
I mean, isn't that what loved ones are for? (heh) I always used to tell my daughters to feel free to tell their friends I wouldn't let them attend something that they didn't want to go to, but which I didn't really care about one way or the other. 
But I also get that he's not your parent --he's your partner-- and it feels like he's filling a paternalistic role here, which is, as you said, not the norm. 

I get that you want to do your part to support the vote. But maybe the Covid issues of "people can not be compelled to wear a mask to vote according to the Elections Canada official I spoke to" is a real source of concern for you too? But maybe you've been thinking that if everyone declines to help for that reason, who will be left to see the election process through?

I think maybe his concern for your safety might also be combined in this instance with his willingness to play the bad guy because he knows you want someone to give you an out.

If my reply is way off base, feel free to throw virtual rotten tomatoes.🍅

[CrazyInAlabama]

27 minutes ago, WinnieWinkle said:

I got a call today from Election Canada offering me a job at a polling station on election day (I've done this in the past) anyway I accepted and didn't think anything more of it really until I told my husband about it.  Well he put his dainty size 13s down and insisted that I call them back and decline.  I should say right now this is not how he normally behaves.  At all!  He is very concerned on two fronts - one obviously the whole issue of Covid and social distancing and potentially being around ummasked people (people can not be compelled to wear a mask to vote according to the Elections Canada official I spoke to) and aside from the health concerns he is also worried about safety based on the threats of violence and other nonsense that is swirling around this election.  Personally I am not worried about this - the Covid, yes, he has a valid point.  But to keep family peace I've turned down the job.  I don't know whether to be happy he cares for my safety or annoyed that I've let him make a decision for me!

Last November's election where I live had the usual number of election workers.    Everyone voting was supposed to wear a mask, and the election staff.   I didn't see many with the mask under their nose, or other ridiculous evasions of the mask rule.   Despite everyone masking, within a couple of weeks, many of the poll workers had come down with Covid, and it was blamed on working the polling places.       I know it's annoying to be treated like you don't have a choice, but better you miss working the polls than get a deadly disease. 

[WinnieWinkle]

16 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

If my reply is way off base, feel free to throw virtual rotten tomatoes.🍅

Not off base at all!  Very insightful.  I think I was really torn here between wanting to do my bit and feeling very nervous about it at the same time.  I don't know if my husband picked up on that (I'd love to give him credit for being that empathetic but,,,) however I think you're right, I was happy to throw him under the bus because deep down I was regretting it - and feeling guilty about regretting it!

[shapeshifter]

Just now, WinnieWinkle said:

Not off base at all!  Very insightful.  I think I was really torn here between wanting to do my bit and feeling very nervous about it at the same time.  I don't know if my husband picked up on that (I'd love to give him credit for being that empathetic but,,,) however I think you're right, I was happy to throw him under the bus because deep down I was regretting it - and feeling guilty about regretting it!

Sounds like you 2 are a well-oiled machine working in tandem, happy to be thrown under the bus for each other because you've discovered it ultimately makes everyone happier. 🙂💞

[PRgal]

22 hours ago, WinnieWinkle said:

I got a call today from Election Canada offering me a job at a polling station on election day (I've done this in the past) anyway I accepted and didn't think anything more of it really until I told my husband about it.  Well he put his dainty size 13s down and insisted that I call them back and decline.  I should say right now this is not how he normally behaves.  At all!  He is very concerned on two fronts - one obviously the whole issue of Covid and social distancing and potentially being around ummasked people (people can not be compelled to wear a mask to vote according to the Elections Canada official I spoke to) and aside from the health concerns he is also worried about safety based on the threats of violence and other nonsense that is swirling around this election.  Personally I am not worried about this - the Covid, yes, he has a valid point.  But to keep family peace I've turned down the job.  I don't know whether to be happy he cares for my safety or annoyed that I've let him make a decision for me!

This is why I'm considering voting by mail.  I don't want to deal with weirdos.

[Gramto6]

3 hours ago, PRgal said:

This is why I'm considering voting by mail.  I don't want to deal with weirdos.

I have voted by mail/absentee for many years. And in these crazy times it has been a blessing. 

[PRgal]

14 hours ago, Gramto6 said:

I have voted by mail/absentee for many years. And in these crazy times it has been a blessing. 

Signed up to vote by mail yesterday.  I don’t know why some people have been complain about the process.  It’s super-easy!

My mom is now freaking out about my son’s preschool class…she says 16 kids per cohort (with two teachers) is “too big” and that her friends’ grandchildren’s schools are much smaller.  Her friends’ grandchildren attend Montessori schools.  I googled the Montessori school we considered for the little guy, and their cohorts are about the same as my son’s school.  So I told her not to worry.  I don’t want her to make decisions on my behalf, which often does.  Without my green lighting. 

 

[isalicat]

3 hours ago, PRgal said:

My mom is now freaking out about my son’s preschool class…she says 16 kids per cohort (with two teachers) is “too big” and that her friends’ grandchildren’s schools are much smaller.  Her friends’ grandchildren attend Montessori schools.  I googled the Montessori school we considered for the little guy, and their cohorts are about the same as my son’s school.  So I told her not to worry.  I don’t want her to make decisions on my behalf, which often does.  Without my green lighting. 

Just curious: How does your mom get to "make decisions on your behalf" about your kid? I mean, she is certainly entitled to her opinion but would the school your child attends do anything differently about your son on her say-so? Or anyone else for that matter?

[PRgal]

9 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Just curious: How does your mom get to "make decisions on your behalf" about your kid? I mean, she is certainly entitled to her opinion but would the school your child attends do anything differently about your son on her say-so? Or anyone else for that matter?

She's bought things for the little guy without asking us if it's okay.  There are some gifts which we're okay with, but honestly, I want to be the one buying him clothes.  If she wants to send him things, why not toys or books?  She also doesn't understand mental health awareness too well.  My dad finally got it, after me going on and on about the lack of awareness in my ancestral heritage.  And I really think it has to do with my health condition (epilepsy), she thinks she has the right to interfere with my some of my choices.  She's already openly criticized my school of choice.  She's also criticized my vegetarian-leaning eating plan, going on and on about how meat is used as flavour in Chinese cuisine.  I don't eat a lot of meat not just for health reasons, but because I don't like it as much as I used to.  She goes on and on about legumes not being a "good enough" protein.  I don't listen anymore.  But she still goes on.  I'm not sure if it's just cultural and/or generational differences or because she's getting older (she's 72). 

[isalicat]

1 minute ago, PRgal said:

She's bought things for the little guy without asking us if it's okay.  There are some gifts which we're okay with, but honestly, I want to be the one buying him clothes.  If she wants to send him things, why not toys or books?  She also doesn't understand mental health awareness too well.  My dad finally got it, after me going on and on about the lack of awareness in my ancestral heritage.  And I really think it has to do with my health condition (epilepsy), she thinks she has the right to interfere with my some of my choices.  She's already openly criticized my school of choice.  She's also criticized my vegetarian-leaning eating plan, going on and on about how meat is used as flavour in Chinese cuisine.  I don't eat a lot of meat not just for health reasons, but because I don't like it as much as I used to.  She goes on and on about legumes not being a "good enough" protein.  I don't listen anymore.  But she still goes on.  I'm not sure if it's just cultural and/or generational differences or because she's getting older (she's 72). 

 

Okay, except for the unwanted packages, all of these are opinions which you are free to ignore, right? If you are old enough to have a career, a marriage and a child, you are old enough to live your life as you see fit and whatever she doesn't like about what you do is her problem, not yours. As to the clothes she sends that you don't want there are so many women's shelters with women and their kids fleeing domestic abuse that would be thrilled to have new children's clothes donated! Just send them on and be sure to tell your mom that is what you are doing with them so she has the choice to stop sending them or to feel good about being a benefactor to more needy people than you.

Moms often feel that they have to "mom" forever - its your task, now that you are a mom to train your mom on how to be a mother to you as an adult, not her little girl any more.

[PRgal]

26 minutes ago, isalicat said:

 

Okay, except for the unwanted packages, all of these are opinions which you are free to ignore, right? If you are old enough to have a career, a marriage and a child, you are old enough to live your life as you see fit and whatever she doesn't like about what you do is her problem, not yours. As to the clothes she sends that you don't want there are so many women's shelters with women and their kids fleeing domestic abuse that would be thrilled to have new children's clothes donated! Just send them on and be sure to tell your mom that is what you are doing with them so she has the choice to stop sending them or to feel good about being a benefactor to more needy people than you.

Moms often feel that they have to "mom" forever - its your task, now that you are a mom to train your mom on how to be a mother to you as an adult, not her little girl any more.

Hard to ignore when she’s constantly talking about it.  We live in the same building and she’s  over all the time.  

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

Hard to ignore when she’s constantly talking about it.  We live in the same building and she’s  over all the time.  

Boundaries are important. Venting is one thing, but if you're really irritated and want to make a change @isalicat has some great suggestions for you. And mine is to work hard to overcome the cultural expectations that you place on yourself and set your own boundaries with your mom. "Thank you for your input, mom. [Husband] and I have decided that this is what we want to do for [child]."

ll cultures have similar expectations. Jewish mothers are "notorious" for being over-bearing. So are Catholic mothers. And European Mothers. Mothers are mothers are mothers. It is up to us to break the cycle.

If she's in the same building you could think about moving. Drastic but it would eliminate the immediate issue of access.

Edited September 3, 2021 by theredhead77
Formatting

[shapeshifter]

I could type volumes about me as a mother, my mom as a mother, my adult kids relating to me as a mother and how I relate to your situation @PRgal...
But instead:

Background:
I had an adopted cousin who I never saw after I drew a portrait of him as a toddler because we moved across the country and my family is like that.
But when Mom went into assisted living near my Uncle (her younger brother and my cousin's dad), my uncle got closer to us. 
My cousin (Uncle's adopted son) passed away shortly before then.
My uncle never cared for my cousin's wife or her religion, but put up with her in order to take his grandkids fishing etc. But then she remarried an extremist guy and she got more so (according to my uncle).
But I've never met my cousin's widow. 

But then:
Another cousin from Dad's side of the family is an award-winning retired journalist and posts frequently on Facebook about current events. I was really surprised to see the religious, unrelated cousin's widow from the other side of family who we've never met comment something sort of, kind of, nominally in agreement with my journalist cousin. 
I naively thought: cool. 
And then I went ahead and posted a comment with a link related to my journalist cousin's post.

AND THEN: 
It disappeared. My journalist cousin's post and all the comments. 
And then I got a notice from FaceBook that my post had been removed because it violated community standards because it was not true and selling something.
But it was just a timely line of prose I wrote and a link to a Twitter meme.
FaceBook said I could contest their decision (I did) and that they would reconsider (jury is still out; it was just this morning).

BUT WTH/F???
Is this widow whom I've never met of a cousin I last spoke to on the phone briefly in 2001 now cyber stalking me?!?
My uncle said her new husband has been on a ventilator in the hospital for 2 weeks, so maybe she's just lashing out?

I'm okay about it, but just wanted to share.

Thanks.

Edited September 6, 2021 by shapeshifter

[Jane Tuesday]

That... seems like a really big stretch? Why would you assume it's her? Your uncle likely has many friends who saw the post and could have reported it. And if his original post vanished as well, I'd guess it wasn't just your comment. Likely there were further comments that turned ugly (for lack of a better term) and so the whole thread was reported and removed. 

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, Jane Tuesday said:

That... seems like a really big stretch? Why would you assume it's her? Your uncle likely has many friends who saw the post and could have reported it. And if his original post vanished as well, I'd guess it wasn't just your comment. Likely there were further comments that turned ugly (for lack of a better term) and so the whole thread was reported and removed. 

I didn't explain it very well.

My elderly uncle, who was my mother's brother, doesn't even use FaceBook. 
The person who I am 99% sure falsely reported our posts as lies and selling products is his daughter-in-law.

The original post was by a respected journalist who happens to be the daughter of my father's sister.
The only people who comment on her posts are her own friends and colleagues, or, occasionally, me or my sister.

All else I can say here is that I'm mad that a relative by marriage who I've never met is apparently trolling around, trying find people outside her usual group, whom she can report to FaceBook as liars and sellers of stuff. She seems to be making false reports to FaceBook about me, and about a relative of mine (not of hers), and about other people she doesn't know, because she thinks we are her enemies based on things she chooses to believe that are on social media and TV.

Edited September 7, 2021 by shapeshifter

[Jane Tuesday]

Even so, I think it's a big stretch. Whoever the original poster was, it's safe to assume that they have a wide spectrum of people as FB friends, with an equally wide spectrum of... perspectives, let's call them. And I can tell you from my own experience moderating forums, often the person who reports posts is NOT engaged in the conversation. In fact, I'd say that's usually the case. 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like you're assuming it's her simply based on her whacko beliefs, with no other proof? And I'm just thinking you might be happier if you attribute it to an unknown third party. 

Edited September 7, 2021 by Jane Tuesday

[shapeshifter]

14 minutes ago, Jane Tuesday said:

It sounds like you're assuming it's her simply based on her whacko beliefs, with no other proof? And I'm just thinking you might be happier if you attribute it to an unknown third party. 

You're right.

Edited September 7, 2021 by shapeshifter

[PRgal]

Kiddo's meet-the-teacher day went pretty well.  He's really tiny (genetics combined with a late birthday) so he seems "behind" other kids in terms of being able to climb the stairs (we live in a condo, so he hasn't had the practice), etc...the school is in the lower level of an old church, so it has that Hogwart's vibe to it.   

[WinnieWinkle]

My British Columbia based cousin posts very little on FB, until today.  Now I find that he is completely unhinged with regard to the upcoming election and Covid protocols.  I have no idea why he stayed quiet this long and decided to vent with constant posts (at least 30 in the space of an hour) but for now I have him on ignore and if this continues the next step is unfriending (the true Facebookian insult).  If he lived closer I might look into an intervention as clearly something has happened - or maybe he was always like this but kept it offline - I don't know.

Edited September 15, 2021 by WinnieWinkle

[Jane Tuesday]

@WinnieWinkle, maybe he's been hacked? 

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, WinnieWinkle said:

…FB…constant posts (at least 30 in the space of an hour)

 

1 hour ago, Jane Tuesday said:

@WinnieWinkle, maybe he's been hacked? 

Yes. Maybe you can try commenting that his FB account appears to have been hacked? Or text him about it?
 

[WinnieWinkle]

@Jane Tuesday and @shapeshifter excellent suggestion but sadly I checked and turns out he just decided he had had enough and needed to "speak my truth".  Ugh.  He also posted pictures of Anne Frank and concentration camp survivors and said this was exactly the same thing as having to have proof of vaccination.  I'm done with him.  Unfriended and thank god he lives in BC and I'm in Ontario.  I honestly don't know how people are coping who have closer relatives (geographically and family wise) who have such extreme views.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, WinnieWinkle said:

...Ugh.  He also posted pictures of Anne Frank and concentration camp survivors and said this was exactly the same thing as having to have proof of vaccination.  I'm done with him.  Unfriended... 

Thank you for choosing to make it clear to him through your action. 

[PRgal]

My son had his first show and share (i.e. show and tell) at school today.  I was a little nervous that he wouldn't be able to say much, but the teacher said he did well, that he knew all the letters in his name AND its colours (I printed each letter in different coloured marker)!!  

[shapeshifter]

My sister and I have had trouble getting along since I was born 68 years ago.
After an upsetting conversation with her, she called me back to apologize(!) and we managed to move on in a positive way.
2 things I told her that might have some lasting effect ("hope springs eternal") and that might in some way apply to the relationships of others reading here were:

1. She claimed she wanted to be there for me when I had decisions to make. I replied that does not mean I want to be bullied into a choice and told her:
   "This is not a game show. There isn't one right answer."
   --that I just wanted to be able to get feedback and input.
   She actually repeated back: "This is not a game show."
   I'm hoping she understood I meant it is not a contest to see which of us wins --might have to revisit that.
    
2. She remarked that I never call her. I explained that's because when I call her she is not in the mood and gets angry at me (example being the call from me which preceded her apology call).
   So we agreed that she would do the calling and she would know that just because I don't call doesn't mean I don't want to talk to her.

[PRgal]

On 10/25/2021 at 7:43 AM, shapeshifter said:

My sister and I have had trouble getting along since I was born 68 years ago.
After an upsetting conversation with her, she called me back to apologize(!) and we managed to move on in a positive way.
2 things I told her that might have some lasting effect ("hope springs eternal") and that might in some way apply to the relationships of others reading here were:

1. She claimed she wanted to be there for me when I had decisions to make. I replied that does not mean I want to be bullied into a choice and told her:
   "This is not a game show. There isn't one right answer."
   --that I just wanted to be able to get feedback and input.
   She actually repeated back: "This is not a game show."
   I'm hoping she understood I meant it is not a contest to see which of us wins --might have to revisit that.
    
2. She remarked that I never call her. I explained that's because when I call her she is not in the mood and gets angry at me (example being the call from me which preceded her apology call).
   So we agreed that she would do the calling and she would know that just because I don't call doesn't mean I don't want to talk to her.

Was she like this when you guys were younger?  Or has it gotten worse over the years?  Sorry for not being of much help.  I'm an only child.

[shapeshifter]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Was she like this when you guys were younger?  Or has it gotten worse over the years?  Sorry for not being of much help.  I'm an only child.

Thanks for asking.
She and I and our relationship haven't really changed much. 
Hot and cold with a fair amount of unhealthy crap. For example: I was dis-invited to her fancy wedding in Wales in the 1970s because I was going through a really rough patch and wasn't being supportive.
But recently I've been setting boundaries. 
So. Yay me. 

Much has been written about  the negative effects of those who grew up during China's enforced one-child policy, but I am pretty sure there is a lot of positive stuff that could be written too. 

But, then again, my niece is an only child, and she's no better off than any of my 3 kids. Financially she's more secure, but it's funny how I'm sure it never feels like that to her.

And I've seen some good sibling relationships. Just not in my family, heh.

[SusanM]

18 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

And I've seen some good sibling relationships. Just not in my family, heh.

One of my sister's is what I would describe as very high maintenance.  We have a reasonably good relationship because  basically I, for the most part, don't engage.  I do set some limits.  We are completely opposite where politics is concerned (how does this happen?  is this common in families? it's weird though!) anyway when she starts going off on a political rant I just cut her off and tell her I refuse to discuss this with her - took 20 years but I think she's finally getting the message!

I love her, I'd do anything for her but I'll be honest, sometimes I don't like her very much.

Edited October 27, 2021 by SusannahM

[PRgal]

On 10/26/2021 at 3:29 PM, shapeshifter said:

Thanks for asking.
She and I and our relationship haven't really changed much. 
Hot and cold with a fair amount of unhealthy crap. For example: I was dis-invited to her fancy wedding in Wales in the 1970s because I was going through a really rough patch and wasn't being supportive.
But recently I've been setting boundaries. 
So. Yay me. 

Much has been written about  the negative effects of those who grew up during China's enforced one-child policy, but I am pretty sure there is a lot of positive stuff that could be written too. 

But, then again, my niece is an only child, and she's no better off than any of my 3 kids. Financially she's more secure, but it's funny how I'm sure it never feels like that to her.

And I've seen some good sibling relationships. Just not in my family, heh.

Could be family pressure or peer pressure.  Like she doesn't feel like she's as successful as her friends.  Or maybe your sister criticized her for her career choices, etc...which makes her feel that way.  Sounds like something she'd do just from what you've said.

[SusanM]

My sister is mad at me because I didn't remember that she and her gall bladder have parted ways.  Honestly it's not that I don't care (although I kinda don't - it's been 20 yrs!) but does she really think nothing else has been going on in my life over the years  and I should be thinking only about what happens to her?  Apparently.

[Bastet]

From your first sentence, I thought you meant she had surgery this week and you forgot, so she was upset you hadn't called to check on her.  Not that you forgot she had it done 20 years ago!!  That's ridiculous.

[PRgal]

Pressure to move my son from his current school to a larger school after the 2022-2023 school year is ENORMOUS (he goes to a tiny school with fewer amenities.  It's very tight nit with small class sizes.  Preschool, junior and senior kindergarten classes have two teachers and the teaching methods work for him as well and I feel he's going to be well-prepared wherever he goes later on).  At least until recently.  I had to explain the whole application process and what common intake years are AND how the school will see an influx of new kids in Grade 3 (in addition to senior kindergarten) because that's their next intake grade (when 20+ kids are admitted).  My parents were worried that he'd be bullied if he was a "new kid" by those who've been there since the beginning.  If he's part of a group of 20 or more, then he's just like that group, all new kids.  Strange, considering I went to the SAME KIND OF SCHOOL for the middle and high school grades (common intake years are usually kindergarten, Grade 1 (though this isn't the case at the particular school I'm considering), Grade 3, maybe 5, Grade 7 and 9).  I had to explain, over and over, that in some cases, they wouldn't EVEN LOOK at your application in non-intake years because there's no space for the child.  *FRUSTRATING*  

At least they somehow get it now, but it took FOREVER to explain.  And why were they so involved anyway?

[Mondrianyone]

19 hours ago, SusannahM said:

My sister is mad at me because I didn't remember that she and her gall bladder have parted ways.

Capitalism is really something. On a whim I Googled "gallbladder souvenir," and you wouldn't believe how many hits I got. This is just a random example. There are also greeting cards on the gallbladder theme for those occasions that don't rise to gift-giving. I think I'd give her a different one for every birthday and holiday until she begged me to stop.

[isalicat]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

At least they somehow get it now, but it took FOREVER to explain.  And why were they so involved anyway?

Because you let them be...

Decline to discuss the issue with them; its your child, not theirs. We have been over this ground previously, no?

[shapeshifter]

I have discovered a fun way of getting closure after talking to my sister.
Because she lives in Canada and I'm in the States, we used FB Messenger Chat to talk, whether just audio or video. (It's free and it works well.) 

At the end of each conversation, a screen pops up and asks about the quality of my call/conversation.
I can click from 1 to 5 stars. 
So.
If my sister was irritating and/or made me feel bad, I give 1 star.
If we had a good conversation, I give 5 stars.
And so on. 

It's obviously asking about the technical quality of the call, but I can't be the only one subverting the app's quality control feedback feature to express myself emotionally, right? 😆🤣🙃😁

In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if my sister does it too!
But I will not ask her about that because it would kind of ruin it.

[methodwriter85]

Enduring unsolicited life and career advice from a 40-year old sister who lucked into a relationship with a guy who maintains their upper middle class lifestyle is such a joy to listen to. Really, I learned so much.

Edited November 20, 2021 by methodwriter85

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, methodwriter85 said:

Enduring unsolicited life and career advice from a 40-year old sister who lucked into a relationship with a guy who maintains their upper middle class lifestyle is such a joy to listen to. Really, I learned so much.

Oh, @methodwriter85, I don't know whether to wish that you, like me, be blessed(?) with another 30 years of the "unsolicited life and career advice from a 40[to 70]-year old sister who lucked into a relationship with a guy who maintains their upper middle class lifestyle" or not.

[methodwriter85]

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Oh, @methodwriter85, I don't know whether to wish that you, like me, be blessed(?) with another 30 years of the "unsolicited life and career advice from a 40[to 70]-year old sister who lucked into a relationship with a guy who maintains their upper middle class lifestyle" or not.

When asked about what I plan on doing for retirement, I said that I plan on driving through the country in a van like in NomadLand. The sarcasm was undetected by her. Lol

[Jaded]

The last few posts in this thread are some of the things that have reminded me over the years that being an only child isn't that bad after all. Honestly enduring how my Mom's older brother treated her and I after my Nana died when I was young made me glad to not have siblings pretty early in life. He let having POA power and then being the executor of an estate go to his head. He and my Nana's brother took her to an attorney before she had her first surgery for illness a few years before she died and convinced her to change her POA/executor choices. 

The anniversary of my Mom's death is next week which brings up so many additional memories. She was on hospice, started going downhill massively on Thanksgiving and died the next day. So the holiday and Black Friday provoke mixed emotions.

Edited to add: Putting the rest of my trauma dump under a spoiler tag...
 

Spoiler

After my Mom died I posted on her FB page saying if anyone had a way to contact her brother to let him know his sister died. I just didn't have it in me to contact him myself at the time and figured someone reading would.

He ended up calling me at home (still not sure how he got the number) to express his condolences. He offered to help pay for my Mom's burial/arrangements and deal with the funeral home who had their people come to my home since I don't drive. I said yes to him for two reasons. One reason was because I thought he needed to do something nice for her and it would actually help me at the same time. The main reason I accepted though was he asked me more than once during the phone call if I was sure I was comfortable with him coming to my home and was actually sincere about it. He had physically abused my Mom at one point while he had POA in front of my Nana and me which was why he asked that question at all. I felt like the offer of help was a way to try to make up for past behavior.

I had gotten FB messages from my estranged asshole father who I haven't seen/talked to since the early 90's and his fourth wife trying to get me to talk to him not even 24 hours after my Mom's death. I still see those messages as trying to take advantage of someone in an emotionally fragile state to get what he wanted which was me to let down my guard and speak to him again since both my Mom and Nana were gone at that point. His message especially was more about him than anything else which was nothing new.

I never met the three wives after my Mom because he started getting married again after his visitation was finally taken away. I still have sporadic contact with his brother and brother's wife so fourth wife wanted me to at least tell the aunt I read his message which I never did. At least that duo of messages from asshole/ fourth wife went to the message request box on FB so they never got confirmation I read either of them.

Sorry for the super long post. After going through last year before the vaccines were readily made available this anniversary concerning my Mom is hitting different. What would have been her birthday and my Nana's are next month too.

 

Edited November 21, 2021 by Jaded

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 11/18/2021 at 4:05 PM, shapeshifter said:

At the end of each conversation, a screen pops up and asks about the quality of my call/conversation.   ....

It's obviously asking about the technical quality of the call

Actually, it never occurred to me it was asking about the technical quality of the call, and was appalled that Facebook was collecting such data.  Not surprised, of course, because it's Facebook. 

But yeah, technical quality must be what they mean.  For now, anyway.

[shapeshifter]

40 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Actually, it never occurred to me it was asking about the technical quality of the call, and was appalled that Facebook was collecting such data.  Not surprised, of course, because it's Facebook. 

But yeah, technical quality must be what they mean.  For now, anyway.

Wait. So you thought they were asking how well you were getting along with your sister or whoever? LOL

[StatisticalOutlier]

1 minute ago, shapeshifter said:

Wait. So you thought they were asking how well you were getting along with your sister or whoever? LOL

Actually, I thought they were asking about the quality of the conversation, and that you were using it correctly--1 star if your sister was irritating, 5 stars if it was a good conversation.  I didn't realize it was subversive until you said it.  Seriously.

I guess it says a lot about how I feel about Facebook and its data collection practices.

[shapeshifter]

19 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Actually, I thought they were asking about the quality of the conversation, and that you were using it correctly--1 star if your sister was irritating, 5 stars if it was a good conversation.  I didn't realize it was subversive until you said it.  Seriously.

I guess it says a lot about how I feel about Facebook and its data collection practices.

That's really interesting. You can't be the only one. This seems like a great topic for a senior college thesis or an investigative piece by a local reporter.

Meanwhile...
My youngest daughter is now a few weeks away from having her first baby, my first grandchild.
Is there a term like "Bridezilla" for pregnant people? 
My sister claims she was happy throughout her whole 7½ months of pregnancy 40 years ago, but I am skeptical. I had 3 full-term +1 week pregnancies and recall a lot of mood swings.