Family Ties: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

[DeLurker]

My mom is Taiwanese.  She said it was tradition to give gifts of cash for weddings (we never discussed babies) and there was always the family "book" that kept track of how much someone had given so they could make sure to give the same amount or more the next time there was a wedding in that family.  Her family's book went back many generations (they lived in a rural area where families lived communally).  And of course it was great shame if the gift given was not equal or better than the last gift received.

She's dropped the idea of cash gifts for weddings, but is not a big fan of registries either.  She tends to buy something she thinks the couple will like and since she has good taste, she's usually pretty spot on.  She's a rebel.

[PRgal]

17 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

My mom is Taiwanese.  She said it was tradition to give gifts of cash for weddings (we never discussed babies) and there was always the family "book" that kept track of how much someone had given so they could make sure to give the same amount or more the next time there was a wedding in that family.  Her family's book went back many generations (they lived in a rural area where families lived communally).  And of course it was great shame if the gift given was not equal or better than the last gift received.

She's dropped the idea of cash gifts for weddings, but is not a big fan of registries either.  She tends to buy something she thinks the couple will like and since she has good taste, she's usually pretty spot on.  She's a rebel.

Is the family "book" part of the lineage book (or whatever it's called - the one which tracks what everyone (okay, what every (mostly first born) MALE) did, who they married, the number of kids, etc...)?  Or is it something else entirely?  Ugh on keeping track of what someone gave and having to out do them.  Talk about Keeping Up with the Joneses.  

[DeLurker]

Probably more of a lineage book, but I don't remember what else she specifically said was tracked in there only that is was extremely important.

[PRgal]

*SIGH*  Asian mothers/parents.....

I suppose I'll regret not being "old culture" enough some day.

[BookWoman56]

I got my mother moved from the assisted living facility into my house just at the end of last month. Grab bars have been installed by a professional, who thank goodness is reasonably priced and does a variety of other handyman type jobs, so I'll be using him for a few other small projects. Right now I'm in bureaucratic hell, so this is a cautionary tale. If one of your parents or another loved one ends up going into an assisted living facility, nursing home, or something similar, FFS take the photo ID and other forms of critical ID, such as SS card and birth certificate, and put them into a safe location. While my mother was in the facility, her SS card, photo ID, Medicare card and so forth disappeared. So I am starting from scratch getting her ID, which is further complicated by the fact that when I sent off for her birth certificate, it turned out that her birth certificate does not have her name on it. (I know; it was a WTF moment for me when I saw it.) She's listed as the third child of my grandparents, date of birth and names of her parents, etc., but nothing was filled in where her name was supposed to go. The state department of vital stats sent a letter noting that there was no name, and provided an affidavit to sign and submit to get the birth certificate corrected. But they also require supporting documentation older than 5 years, so I have to find my birth certificate and hope that it has my mother's full name on it and so forth. Essentially, until I have the corrected birth certificate, I can't go to the Social Security office and request a new SS card and Medicare card. Until I have both the birth certificate and SS card, I can't take her to the DMV and get her a state ID card, which would be photo ID. Until I have the photo ID, I can't open a new bank account for her and therefore arrange for her SS and VA benefits to be deposited into that account. For now, they are being deposited into accounts that were compromised when a member of the extended family got her hands on the debit cards, which have been cancelled and new ones issued, but we would much prefer to open new accounts completely. I know that eventually we will get all the required documents and ID, but in the meantime it's a difficult situation. I tried to make an appointment with a doctor for her and spent 15 minutes explaining why she has no ID and no Medicare card before the call dropped, and so I don't even know yet if the doctor's office will allow a visit until she gets her ID. I know that every doctor's office I have been to in the past 10 years or so has required photo ID. She does at least have sufficient refills on all her meds to last for a couple of months until we can get the photo ID, but all of this has been a major hassle. 

[riley702]

Mom was so good this week. She has hired a lady to clean her house every 2 weeks for $40! She'll also change her sheets and clean the inside of the windows. She also has a guy coming over this week to discuss installing a walk-in shower, so YAY, Mom! This weekend, we are going down to drill drain holes in her bird bath. We'll fill it with succulent dirt and succulents.

Edited May 24, 2018 by riley702

[stillhere1900]

Have you guys been following the story about the 30 yr old man from NY who refuses to move out of his parents house ? After his parents have him 4/5 noticed to move out and even gave him $1,100.00 to help with moving expenses, he still refused to move out.

They finally ended up takng him to court and the Judge ordered him evicted. He still refuses to leave.

Opinions....

[riley702]

Asshole.

[PRgal]

Okay, I lived at home until right before I married at 30, but I had a real job.  And the guy looks like he may have hygiene issues.

[DeLurker]

It is pretty common for Asian kids to stay at home until they get married or move in with someone.  

[riley702]

Ack, my brother had a freak-out tonight and it kinda made ME freak out. He's the nicest sibling I have, but he's a paranoid conservative. He can try to be controlling, and was upset that I want to file for permanent disability now instead of riding out short-and long-term disability as long as possible. I told him I only get 60% of my base pay. That's 14.4 hours a week, no extra money for shift diff or weekend pay, plus I'll be responsible for hundreds for my health insurance. I may not clear anything, and that does not work. With a terminal diagnosis, I can cash out my life insurance instead of converting it to an individual policy and pay hundreds to keep it active. I can also start collecting my 401K, which does not survive me. He thinks I'm taking bad advice and wasting money. I need to be collecting as much as possible for as long as I have. He and my SIL can share what's left and even keep my car as a backup. My SIL is pretty unhappy with him, but isn't starting over after 35 years and 4 kids. I told him he can come along and ask questions, but he is not making this decision - I am. He doesn't deal with "stuff" well and told me the best thing he does is delay decisions as long as he can. I told him I don't have years. I think he has convinced himself I'm going to last years. Even if I do, still want money, not to lose money.

Edited May 24, 2018 by riley702

[Bastet]

4 minutes ago, riley702 said:

Ack, my brother had a freak-out tonight and it kinda made ME freak out. He's the nicest sibling I have, but he's a paranoid conservative. He can try to be controlling, and was upset that I want to file for permanent disability now instead of riding out short-and long-term disability as long as possible.

Yeah, well, you're right and he's a paranoid conservative. 

I'm glad you moved in with him and your sister-in-law when you did, and appreciate what a difficult time this is for him emotionally, but this is your life and death.  This is probably fear manifesting as anger/denial/a desperate grasp at control on his part, so he has good intentions, but it's your money.  He'll be thrilled if you're wrong and you outlive it.

[DeLurker]

@riley702  There really aren't many good choices you can make right now and it is a pretty difficult time for you to be thinking through all of this.  Maybe talking with some form of disability specialist/financial advisor to help you run projections would make him feel better and provide you with some additional matters to consider?  

I know from my own experience with filing for permanent disability, it is not an easy process to go through, the approval process took more time than I anticipated and there were issues/matters that needed to be addressed that I had no awareness of (and at the time, my attention span and short term memory were on par with a 2 year old).  I had to rely completely on my parents and brothers to help me move through it all.  It took about 18 months for my Social Security Disability to be approved.  It should have been an auto-approval at the time (traumatic brain injury), but it got denied, I had to hire an attorney to appeal, go through a hearing where at least 8 people got to ask me questions to decide if I met the criteria (despite having a ton of medical records, including MRIs showing the damage to my brain, apparent physical deficits, fine motor skills loss, memory loss, having been through what was the top-rated rehabilitation program for brain injury, etc...).

I'm glad your brother and SIL have been so supportive.  It is your decision to make, but tell him he can say "I told you so" if you live longer than you are expecting.  Just like delaying his decisions, he may be delaying fully accepting the nature of what you are dealing with.  We all know, in the abstract, that no one lives forever.  When that becomes more finite - well, that is a whole different thing.

[Mindthinkr]

FWIW

My friend needed permanent disability. She worked in a dry cleaners for over 30 years and all those years of benzene exposure did a number on her lungs. She had about 5 things that separately would have qualified her to receive it. She was denied even though she had good documentation and that it came from a very prominent medical facility (that you know immediately if I wrote it’s name). She hired a lawyer and he seemed to be very slow and wasn’t really pursuing her case. Another friend told me to tell her to write her Congressman and Senator. She did, again providing proof. Mind you this had been 8 years of trying and in the meantime the costs of just trying to get the medications to breathe was a burden on her and her daughter (who she had to move in with because she could no longer afford her own place, food and meds). This brought her a prompt response. She was granted permanent disability. They gave her back pay from when she first applied. About $34k. She got 1k per month and Medicaid. Mind you when working she made $30/hr so it didn’t seem like enough but constantly trying to work and make more was killing her literally. Lest I make this too lengthy the point is we put these people in office to help us...their constituents. Write those letters and campaign for yourself as it does get results...fast. 

[DeLurker]

43 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

We all know, in the abstract, that no one lives forever.  When that becomes more finite - well, that is a whole different thing.

That wasn't meant to be trite or insensitive, so I hope no one, especially @riley702, thinks it was.  I was actually quite teary when I was writing my response and had no intention of being horrid.

[Mindthinkr]

39 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

That wasn't meant to be trite or insensitive, so I hope no one, especially @riley702, thinks it was.  I was actually quite teary when I was writing my response and had no intention of being horrid.

Anyone who knows you on this board knows that you are not a mean spirited person. You seem quite caring and always ready to give someone a nod of recognition or leg up for their self esteem. 

I’m just so gobsmacked about Riley’s situation (and very sad) that at this point all I can do is pray and hope and pray again. I wish I knew how to express myself better. 

[PRgal]

11 hours ago, DeLurker said:

It is pretty common for Asian kids to stay at home until they get married or move in with someone.  

But they have jobs.  This guy doesn't have one.  And many pay rent.

Edited May 24, 2018 by PRgal

[MargeGunderson]

33 minutes ago, PRgal said:

But they have jobs.  This guy doesn't have one.  And many pay rent.

And most importantly, they don't want him there. 

[Mindthinkr]

Next time they all go to court the parents should hire someone to come into the house and remove all of his belongings to a storage unit (pay just the initial month) and give him all the keys to it. That will cost around $500.00 Then  get a locksmith into the house to change all the locks. About $200 max for the multiple doors. Also put up motion activated cameras in case he tries to literally break in so the police have evidence that he did it then he can be arrested and put into jail. Cost varies but I’d say a security person could do this for 1k.  Downside to that is then he lives free (in jail) on our dimes. Have the parents been paying child support? If so they need to stop. It’s sad for the child but he will be arrested for non-payment. Yes what I have mentioned above will cost them but they offered to pay him $1100.00 to leave but this should solve the problem. Why doesn’t the court hold him in contempt? 

[ratgirlagogo]

I don't understand why this story about the parents and their 30 year old son is a national news story.

Love and blessings for you riley702.

[Mindthinkr]

2 minutes ago, ratgirlagogo said:

I don't understand why this story about the parents and their 30 year old son is a national news story.

Love and blessings for you riley702.

It’s what I call the Kardashian effect. They put out fluff news like this to distract us from the bigger issues going on that are messed up. To me it’s amazing how much real news is never reported. 

[riley702]

I've called the disability lady multiple times, but she never calls me back. ARGH!

[Mindthinkr]

Go up a few posts to one I titled FWIW. That information should help you. 

My heart goes out to you with everything that you are going through. 

[BookWoman56]

@riley702, very sorry to hear about your diagnosis and situation. Regarding your brother freaking out on you, I agree with @Bastet that it's your life, your death, and your money. You need to be the one making decisions, and your brother needs to respect your right to make whatever decisions you want, even if he doesn't agree with them. I can offer a painful example: when my oldest sister died last month, she had specifically requested cremation with no service. That choice did not sit well with my mother, who would have preferred a church service or at least a service of some sort at a funeral home, despite the fact that my sister was an atheist, but my mother did concede that my sister's wishes should be respected. It may take a little while for your brother to wrap his head around what's going on with you, but I hope for your sake that he backs off about what he thinks you should do. He can be helpful by making some suggestions, but ultimately it's your choice. I hope you are able to get through this stage of your life with you in control of as much as you can be, and with minimal pain. I'm unsure if this is an option you would want, but based on the experience with my sister, I highly recommend hospice services. They are very matter of fact about what is going on instead of exhibiting that forced cheerfulness that some hospital staff have, and they focus on making you as comfortable as you can be.   

[Mindthinkr]

@riley702 I second the option of looking into Hospice. Great people work there and have genuine compassion. 

[riley702]

I called that lady 3 times today and she finally called me back just before closing. We will meet with her and three others for an hour next Wednesday, so we all need to start writing out questions so we can gather info. Finally.

[AuntieL]

@riley702 I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like you're  handling everything really well. I'm sure after a while your brother will understand you were doing what's best for you.  Good luck with this ability. The trick with them is perseverance. 

[riley702]

PLANS! Next Wednesday will be busy. We meet with 4 disability specialists from work between 1000 and 1100 to ask questions and gather info. 12:20 is radiation, followed by a meeting with Dr. Dugan, who will give me official notice of a year or less to live, which will let me start disbursement funds from work and filing for permanent disability. If I live longer, that can be readdressed, but my 401K disbursement will not survive me. Early life insurance payout will let me pay off my car, funeral and headstone. Then we'll go eat lunch, because I have a 3:00 appointment with Dr. B., the chemo doc. Let him know what's going on, etc. I think Dr. Dugan will want a PET scan after these initial 16 radiation txs. I need to start writing down questions for Wednesday.

ETA: And I just messaged one of the funeral homes in my home town to tell them I will be using them, but I need to wait for insurance disbursement to plan and pay. The wife of the director there was one of the neighbor kids/friends growing up and I always liked them. Her younger sister works for the cemetery in a nice bit of symmetry. I let her know I already have access to a family plot there. I'll take care of the stone in advance, too, because I want the lady who did my parents' to do mine, too.

Edited May 25, 2018 by riley702

[AuntieL]

@riley702 I don't even know what to say but you are an inspiration. 

[Mindthinkr]

20 hours ago, riley702 said:

PLANS! Next Wednesday will be busy. We meet with 4 disability specialists from work between 1000 and 1100 to ask questions and gather info. 12:20 is radiation, followed by a meeting with Dr. Dugan, who will give me official notice of a year or less to live, which will let me start disbursement funds from work and filing for permanent disability. If I live longer, that can be readdressed, but my 401K disbursement will not survive me. Early life insurance payout will let me pay off my car, funeral and headstone. Then we'll go eat lunch, because I have a 3:00 appointment with Dr. B., the chemo doc. Let him know what's going on, etc. I think Dr. Dugan will want a PET scan after these initial 16 radiation txs. I need to start writing down questions for Wednesday.

First of all I wish you the best. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you to have to face all of the things...especially at once. Get some rest before because that sounds like a very full day and I’ll be hoping that it isn’t stressful and all results are good. 

Writing down questions is always good because sometimes the Dr can slide track us with his questions. Are you taking someone with you? My friend goes to my serious appointments with me. Then when I zone out (due to fear or too much input) she is there to remind me of what I don’t get and how to interpret it. Also so you don’t have to drive. 

[AgentRXS]

 @riley702, @AuntieL took the words right out of my mouth. It might come across as trite, but I sincerely hope you beat the odds and are here posting with us for years to come. Virtual hugs. The fact that you are tackling everything head on is admirable. 

[emma675]

riley702, I have no words. You are the epitome of grace and strength and I wish I was even a quarter as strong as you are.

[riley702]

9 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

First of all I wish you the best. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you to have to face all of the things...especially at once. Get some rest before because that sounds like a very full day and I’ll be hoping that it isn’t stressful and all results are good. 

Writing down questions is always good because sometimes the Dr can slide track us with his questions. Are you taking someone with you? My friend goes to my serious appointments with me. Then when I zone out (due to fear or too much input) she is there to remind me of what I don’t get and how to interpret it. Also so you don’t have to drive. 

My brother and SIL are going with me. No decisions will be made. We know to double-check what they tell us because they work for my boss, not me. We will follow up with Social Security and probably a lawyer, although picking a good one will be important. And I am forbidden from driving until September.

Edited May 27, 2018 by riley702

[PRgal]

My husband and I recently announced that we're expecting a child via surrogacy this fall.  We're really surprised at the positive support from older people in our respective sides.  I guess those who aren't too supportive are just keeping their mouths shut.  

We're currently looking at nursery/playroom colours and have recruited the help of a contractor my parents have used.  Because there are language issues, my parents are acting as translator.  I said that I wanted a pop of colour and that I didn't want certain things to blend in too much with the wall.  Do you know how long it took for me to explain "pop" to my mom?  Ugh!  She kept on thinking that I wanted things to blend in.  NONONONONO!!!!!  Oh well, she doesn't watch HGTV....(not that I watch HGTV THAT MUCH....not anymore, anyway).  Actually, I don't think they HAVE HGTV.

[DeLurker]

13 minutes ago, PRgal said:

My husband and I recently announced that we're expecting a child via surrogacy this fall. 

Congratulations!

[Mindthinkr]

@PRgal Best wishes on the upcoming addition to your family. I did get a giggle out of the “pop of color” story and hope that the nursery turns into everything that you dreamed that it could be. Be sure to add an (stuffed toy) elephant for good luck for the baby. 

Edited June 12, 2018 by Mindthinkr
Grammar

[Moose135]

Congratulations, @PRgal!

[riley702]

Congratulations!

[PRgal]

Thank you, everyone! :)  

I think the next step is to figure out how to deal with explaining why we are getting a registry (which I had to do before my husband and I got married) and why I'm thinking of accepting book donations to a children's book bank for the baby's 100 Day celebration (rather than the typical gift of lai see (lucky money)).  Now what's the most polite way to ask guests to bring a gently used kids' book for the book bank? No need to worry about that just yet - that's not until early next year!

[Mindthinkr]

21 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Thank you, everyone! :)  

I think the next step is to figure out how to deal with explaining why we are getting a registry (which I had to do before my husband and I got married) and why I'm thinking of accepting book donations to a children's book bank for the baby's 100 Day celebration (rather than the typical gift of lai see (lucky money)).  Now what's the most polite way to ask guests to bring a gently used kids' book for the book bank? No need to worry about that just yet - that's not until early next year!

Perhaps you can simply explain that you are not only blessed by the addition to your family but are blessed in so many other ways. That you wish to share those blessings by giving the gift of books to others that may not have too many; that in lieu of lai see you and your partner would gratefully accept books for this cause in your new child’s name. If they are bent on making a financial lai see put out a piggy bank that people can assuage any guilt that they may feel by dropping some change in. 

[emma675]

Congratulations, PRGAL, that's so exciting!

[Mindthinkr]

I was very surprised to see this pop up this morning. She made my heart swell. 

[theredhead77]

I wish I could get my mom to understand that going home to visit is not vacation. It's fucking exhausting work, literally and figuratively. When I was a kid our family vacations were going to visit her family for 2 weeks every summer (boring!). I love my parents but want to spend my vacation doing fun things.

I just got back from a few days in CA. I stayed with my parents for 3 days then did two nights couch surfing with friends so I could have fun. At my parents house my mom saddles me with chores that my dad can't do and guilt me about it if I don't want to. I got pissed after she "asked" me to "help" her defrost their 20+ year old freezer which consisted of over an hour of me chipping away at ice, only to find out they are going to replace it in a few months. I flat out told her this was utter bullshit and I would not be doing any more work around the house, this wasn't vacation and they need to hire people do to these things.

My dad always has to have noise going - either the radio or TV is on from the minute he wakes up until he goes to bed. He won't wear his hearing aids so it's just a constant stream of 'loud'. My mom will go out with me to go shopping but there isn't any fun to be had, they aren't "do fun things" people. The only way to get away is to leave the house and run errands. Escaping to my room offers no peace, since the TV or radio is blasting. I want to stay at a hotel but I already know even suggesting it will result in guilt and drama. That's why they bought that super nice futon for me (it really is comfortable). I already decided I'm not going back from Thanksgiving and instead of being excited to go home in December I'm already dreading it. 

I did manage to have some fun with friends the last 2 nights. I wanted to go out Saturday with my friend I've hardly seen over the last 2 years and his fiancee but my friends fiancee invited her friend over and he monopolized most of our night, then she passed out drunk on the couch. 

Meh. I'm in a shitty mood.

[PRgal]

My mom is beginning to DEMAND how we decorate the nursery.  Like that we should add a wardrobe (because the closet is acting as a second closet for my husband and me - we put our off-season stuff there) for the baby.  Ummm, kids don't need huge closets.  The baby is going to have a dresser for clothes.  And half the off-season clothes aren't even stuff we wear anymore, anyway.  We just need to clean our our closets - both of them.  Period.  I also said that we have an idea of which crib we're getting, and that it's convertible so it could last three years.  She STILL doesn't understand the whole theme thing. 

Edited July 2, 2018 by PRgal

[auntlada]

3 hours ago, PRgal said:

My mom is beginning to DEMAND how we decorate the nursery.  Like that we should add a wardrobe (because the closet is acting as a second closet for my husband and me - we put our off-season stuff there) for the baby.  Ummm, kids don't need huge closets.  The baby is going to have a dresser for clothes.  And half the off-season clothes aren't even stuff we wear anymore, anyway.  We just need to clean our our closets - both of them.  Period.  I also said that we have an idea of which crib we're getting, and that it's convertible so it could last three years.  She STILL doesn't understand the whole theme thing. 

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law basically decided our child's room theme when tey found a bunch of Winnie the Pooh stuff at a garage sale. Since thhe room doubled as a guest room at the time, it was only half done, though. I always told people the theme was, "We're having a baby."

[DeLurker]

22 hours ago, PRgal said:

Like that we should add a wardrobe (because the closet is acting as a second closet for my husband and me - we put our off-season stuff there) for the baby. 

Babies grow so rapidly that unless you are part of a royal family, it is doubtful they'll have enough clothes to fill a dresser (although they do require lots and lots of other stuff).

[PRgal]

57 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

Babies grow so rapidly that unless you are part of a royal family, it is doubtful they'll have enough clothes to fill a dresser (although they do require lots and lots of other stuff).

Dresser = doubling as a changing station. :) 

[hoosier80]

@theredhead77, I feel your pain.  I really do.  I had an awful weekend 'visiting' with mom.  Day 1 wasn't too horrible, until she saw weeds/grass climbing out of vines that grow around a lamp post.  The temperatures during the day were above 90 all weekend.  I was like, so you need me to pull that out?  "Oh, it won't take that long".  I realized I had brought along 'work clothes' but no old shoes, so I was like damn I'm not ruining another pair of shoes.  I did kind of overreact, but I'd ruined at least one pair before.  I brought a brand new pair of sneakers, which I've had maybe a month.  I was like oh never mind, I'll do it barefoot.  By that time, she was pissed, saying she wasn't going to breakfast the next morning.  Well, it wasn't a huge deal to me, so she just shot herself in the foot.  All Sunday morning, she pouted; I should have been ok with the pouting and radio silence because then she went into crying and yelling at me.  Finally, she got ready to go run a few errands.  I know she purposefully delayed it until the hottest part of the day, because I'd asked if we couldn't go earlier in the day to avoid the heat.  I was roasting all weekend long, as her air conditioning was set I think at 80.  

She then decided to do flower arrangements all around her house (outside), plus put some statue type decorations outside (well have me do it).  It did look nice before that, but she always wants stuff way over the top, to the point of being too much.  I kept thinking just hang on, then you can get the heck out of here.  I get maybe 20 miles away, when she's asking what I did with something, she can't find it.  Don't know, didn't have it today.  I turn around, wasting at least 15 minutes, because she then calls and says oh I found it.  Yep, she'd had it, didn't put it back to the normal place, and it was my fault.

Her mantra is that I "need to do my duty".  I should go there at least every two weeks and work like a dog.  It was my idea after all to live away from her.  Nope, not at all.  There were no jobs there and she encouraged me to move.  She was actually happy I moved away, because I was sort of a disgrace to her, having graduated from college but had no fancy job.  If I were away, she could embellish what I did to her friends and neighbors.   

She was ok on Monday and Tuesday.  Called yesterday and it was back to radio silence, no answer.  Called tonight, again no answer.  I'm not sure what I've done, but I've done something wrong again.  Trying to not let it bother me, but she knows how to press my buttons.  I was talking with a friend after I got back (late and worn out, dog dead tired for work - thank goodness for the holiday), and she said she's playing mind games with you, taking out her frustration/anger at whatever on you.  Yep, plus I've realized whatever I do will never be enough.  She's bitter, about her past, about her current situation (she wants to come live with me).  Her actions really make me more certain that she could never come live with me.  I cannot stand the wild mood swings.

My problems seem trivial compared to others here, so thanks for letting me vent.  I wish everyone peace and happiness.

[Mindthinkr]

17 minutes ago, hoosier80 said:

My problems seem trivial compared to others here, so thanks for letting me vent.  I wish everyone peace and happiness.

I wish you a vacation from your vacation (sarcasm) with your Mom. 

Gee. I have this parenting thing all wrong. When my daughter comes (usually with all three or at least one of the grandkids ) I wait on her hand and foot. If they stay over she gets to sleep in and I get the kids breakfast and going for their day. I cook her all her favorite foods and if we can swing it (meaning we just have the granddaughter) I take her shopping for a new outfit or two for work. I didn’t know that kids come home to help with stuff. I need to change....NOT. 

I’m sorry to hear about all of your trips home that weren’t happy times. 

[theredhead77]

The thing with going to my parents is that it is so fucking boring, there is nothing to do while my friends are at work. So doing things around the house (or leaving the house) is the only way to pass the time. She also wanted me to help her unpack all this shit she boxed up 2+ years ago when they had their floors redone. 

Before I go home in December I'm going to make it crystal clear that I'm not doing chores / labor my dad can't do. They need to hire someone to do it. I'm on vacation, damnit!