S03.E07: The Hunt

[Tara Ariano]

As Joe Carroll's execution nears, Ryan and Mike face a new threat, while Max is cleared to rejoin the task force and immediately finds herself in harm's way.

[Syndicate]

After being very disappointed in virtually all of season 2, this episode held my interest nicely, mostly because it felt like a season 1 episode.  It was very bloody and the bodies were piling up fast.  There was a decent amount of suspense as well.  It was nice and fitting to see the black guy who got his eye poked out in season 1 re-appear in this violent and bloody episode.

[numbersix]

They're just screwing with us now, right?

 

Joe + Ryan 4-EVER!

[Such A Flirt]

I could watch an entire episode of Ryan and Joe getting drunk and playing pool. And hugging a lot.

 

Why the frak was Max the only cop left in that office and why didn't they evacuate the place properly? I know, I know, it's The Following, but still! So stupid.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Such A Flirt

[TheRabbi]

Joe and Ryan's bromance is the only reason I'm still watching this drek.  "Not without a little foreplay first..."

 

The bad guy is clearly just a superhuman villain at this point.  Taking out those 2 stupid cops at the beginning (granted they are cops on The Following, but still), warping from the kill-house to "work", and then somehow escaping without even being seen by Max, or....anyone.

[sjohnson]

The dream sequence isn't subtext (unless the billiard balls and long, hard pool stick count as symbolism?) it's text. 

 

Thomas/Max/Mike makes me compare Max to Emma. Tragically, Emma is winning. 

 

Shocked to discover I miss Mark. Not so shocked to discover that Tim Guinee could be creepier than Michael Ealy. Sad they didn't take advantage of that.

[mertensia]

Poor doomed tech guy. Aren't these people genre savvy at all? Your lover's been framed, you know odds are good by someone at the company and you wander off by yourself when the computer glitches. I'd've been yelling for guards.

[ZoloftBlob]

Do we even know what this has to do with Joe at this point?

 

Mark wanted revenge on Ryan/Mikey for killing his mom so he recruits the young couple. The young couple are students of the doctor. Joe was a student of the doctor. The doctor wanted to screw over Ryan so he had "his best student" hamhandedly break into the FBI computers. Mark somehow fell off, was shot off a boat (yes he'll be back). The doctor and the female are on the run, and the best student kills the doctor and then begins killing other people.....

 

I mean, I get it, this ends with Ryan Hardy arrested for serial murder but really - are there any real followers any more? Like crazy icepick to the eye girl in season one?

[BigBlueMastiff]

 

Why the frak was Max the only cop left in that office and why didn't they evacuate the place properly? I know, I know, it's The Following, but still! So stupid.

This made me want to scream, so ridic even for this show.

 

So Ryan is dreaming about Joe, hmmmm.....

[Primetimer]

You said a mouthful, Agent Lemond 'Joey' Bishop. Sarah and Poe Head discuss The Following's charisma vacuum, who's the Dean Martin here, and more.

Read the story

[TV Anonymous]

What happened to Daisy? Best Student took her from the cabin she stayed with Strauss, right? I do not remember seeing her dying.

 

Now the FBI not only does not know how to make a perimeter to prevent suspect from leaving, it also does not know how to empty / evacuate a premise completely. And it also does not know that at the early stage, a crime scene needs to be guarded.

[indeed]

Where did Max's female partner go? That's her backup, but no--must've made a Starbucks run. And, uh, yeah, even if the servers go down all the time, go with the guy! Sheesh.

[Snookums]

Oh, my GOD, guys. 

 

To quote numbersix, they're just screwing with us now. Why they didn't take it full Red Dwarf and have a full on makeout scene is beyond me.

 

 

TVAnonymous, Daisy was for some bizarre reason released by Carl, and we last saw her hitching a ride on an urban street corner. So the show can bring her back or hopefully, not.

 

Ugh, I have to go grocery shopping but will start posting this bad boy when I get back.

[thuganomics85]

I can't believe they got Mike Colter to show up as One-Eyed Nick again.  I guess use him when you can, because he's soon going to off playing Luke Cage in various Marvel series.  Good for him.  He's clearly the big winner out of this lot.

 

Actually, this episode was at least entertaining because a) Ryan and Joe are freaking hilarious (they really should just give up and go for it.  None of Ryan's love interests can match his obsession over Joe) b) Michael Ealy is still entertaining as the big baddie of the season.

 

Seriously, I saw like four other agents around with Max at one point.  Did they all just abandon her at one point?  Granted, it was stupid to begin with to let her talk them into going (you trying to get her killed, Nick?), but if you are going to commit, then at least don't leave her alone.  Get it together, FBI!

 

At this point, I have to think Mike and Tom are heading towards a blow-out, that will end in probably Mike having to kill him.

 

Hey, Manny Montana?  Is this really the best use of your Graceland hiatus?

[Sarah D. Bunting]

"Now the FBI not only does not know how to make a perimeter to prevent suspect from leaving, it also does not know how to empty / evacuate a premise completely. And it also does not know that at the early stage, a crime scene needs to be guarded."

Or to just turn some forkin' lights on. Often helpful with the whole seeing-the-bad-guys thing, I find.

THIS SHOW. GAAAEEHHHH.

[TimWil]

This ghastly show is truly running on fumes.

[ZoloftBlob]

I miss the good old days when people made literary allusions and stabbed people in the eyes and harpooned people in restaurants :(

[Snookums]

All righty, ladies and gents, gather round for the biggest Hoyay of the season! This episode was so thick with glances, so rife with meaningful pause, so filled with scenes that seemed to be awaiting only the "bow-chicka-BOW-BOW" soundtrack to turn into a porno, that I have to admit that I was highly amused! Most of the time! Well, part of the time. Any time Joe was onscreen. So, ten percent. But I'll take what I can get, said the girl to the sailor. Onward into Lucky number seven!

 

Last week blah blah blah, YOU WILL CARE ABOUT MICHAEL EALY'S CHARACTER, yelling, strangling, "who's Strauss's best student?" and we're in.

 

Open on the set of a flat out horror film, apparently: a US Marshals sedan containing two of said Marshals and a very sulky serial killer. I guess the whole sucking hearts out of people thing doesn't automatically give one charisma. It's a dark and foggy road out in the middle of nowhere, and right off the fancypants onboard computer GPS doohickey sends a not at all suspicious route change to the two up front! "Dispatch is rerouting us," says Guy Marshal, and how there's been a possible threat so they're being detoured. "That'll add hours to the trip," grumbles Girl Marshal, who's probably already peeved that they had to leave at eleven thirty at night through the Haunted Wood here rather then in the morning and bung Duncan on a plane like a regular highly dangerous and valuable target. Oh well, I guess this is a more country, down home method of transporting a serial butcher. Maybe they'll stop for scones.

 

Or not, because Guy Marshal is saying better safe than sorry; "This one's one of Ryan Hardy's whackos. The last thing we want is to end up in someone's basement putting lotion in the basket." Writers? When presenting a pile of WTF like The Following, it's generally not a good idea to remind the audience of a far superior example of the genre. Duncan agrees with me and rolls his eyes as Girl Marshal sighs "I hear that." 

 

Vrooom vroom vroom through the spooky trees and FRITZLE goes the GPS! It blacks out, along with the car's engine, and Guy Marshal can't get a signal on his cell. "That's 'cause they sent us to the middle of NOWHERE," says Girl Marshal, again wondering why only two people are transporting this guy. But oh well, nothing a man can't fix! Guy Marshal says pop the hood and he'll take a look. Oh, really? So you can fix a car that's basically a computer? This isn't a flat tire or overheated engine--all the electronics are out! In a way that is not at all creepy or suspicious! But this is a horror movie and it's required that the male partner head over to a spot where the hood's blocking his view to get killed. Ooops, gave it away.

 

Girl Marshal has the very slightly more enviable position of having to sit in the car with Duncan, who decides hey, might as well throw in here, I've got the skill set! and promptly starts a-leerin' at her in the rearview, blech. She snaps at him to knock it off and he oozes "Just looking at a pretty girl." How did this guy keep his cover for so many years? Even if he wasn't a serial killer he's definitely a "grope the waitresses" type asshole. 

 

Trying to ignore her gross cargo, GM swings open her door, calling "any luck?" to her very, very silent counterpart. Hmmm, that couldn't mean anything. When no answer comes, she leaves Duncan alone in the car to check things out, taking a longer time then I would have to get her weapon ready, but at least she does pull it, swinging her flashlight around the wisping, foggy night and calling for her partner. Thrums of creepster music underscore her circling around--

 

--okay, and now she's moving past the front of the car around to the back of the car, where she spots her partner lying in the road. What??? Carl (YES it's Carl) came up on Male Marshal WHEN HE WAS IN FRONT OF THE CAR. Whether he chased the guy to the back or dragged him, there is no way he could MM around to the back without attracting attention in, like, less then ten seconds! But GM doesn't have time to worry about this, because Duncan's come very close to getting shot by her since he's decided pounding on his window and yelling "what's goin' on?" is a terrific thing to try with a nervous person holding a loaded gun. 

 

Girl Marshal doesn't shoot him full of holes, unfortunately, since she's too busy staring in horror at her bloody partner, then getting a hatchet in the back! Damn! So long, US Guy and Girl Marshal, we hardly knew ye. Maybe your deaths will be raised in future budget meetings when the notion of sending more then two people to a remote location with a dangerous prisoner is put on the table.

 

Duncan, who is the most reluctant audience for this student short film, flips out, and flips out ten times more when his door is opened to reveal a bloody faced Carl gazing at him unblinkingly. I believe this is the first time Carl and Duncan have actually met, but that doesn't matter: "Do you know who I am?" asks Carl and Duncan immediately answers "Yeah." He hilariously tries to reel it back, babbling that he doesn't know Carl's name or address Strauss never told me anything....Duncan's freaky "eek!" reaction is a funny reminder that most serial killers aren't supervillian types at all; they're just weedy little weirdos with a horrible hobby.

 

Carl, not in the mood, holds up a finger for silence: "Do you want to live?" he queries flatly. Duncan nods and Carl's all good, I need a patsy/worker bee. "We have work to do." 

 

The next shot is the Marshals lying next to each other face down in the road and Duncan, uncuffed, hopping out of the car! I guess he just sat there while Carl did his fussy little arrangements and such but it really looks like A) that GM fell down exactly next to MM and B) that Duncan's been riding in the back of this vehicle without any restraint. Dude, budget cuts or no budget cuts that's just cheaping out! And wait, Carl's still holding his Hatchet of Marshal Dispatch so what the hell? How is any of this working?

 

Refusing to answer my questions, the two killers set off into the foggy night and the title card. That would have been scary had the logistics not been so stupid. 

 

But I don't care, because it's time to start the loving! Yes, we're at Virginia State Penitentiary, where Joe is counting down the last hours of his life (riiiight.) Ryan, who as far as I can tell still has not slept or eaten, is picking up where we left off last week, asking who Strauss's best student was. Joe's all UM, DUH, it's ME, but Ryan isn't so far gone that he can't enjoy the little things. With a weary smirk, he savors informing Joe that that wasn't Strauss's opinion. "He considers you a failure. Too reckless, too hungry for publicity..." mmmm, sweet as honey. 

 

Joe's all I didn't ask you to this all white cell to be INSULTED, and says he was having a perfectly lovely dream before Ryan barged in and woke him up, thank you very much, but Ryan's amusement is at an end. "You can sleep when you're dead," he growls, reminding Joe that that there deadline is a comin' up quite quickly. Joe looks genuinely hurt at this and ohhhh I just love you, James Purefoy! Your commitment to this flaming tire fire of a show is a beacon of light! 

 

"If you're going to be like that, Ryan," pouts Joe, "You can go and find Strauss and ask him yourself!" So there, and neener neener neener while he's at it. Ryan, unable to believe that the cruel and heartless god that crushes his existence in his foul grip is actually giving him a twofer, here, smirks again (It's like he and Joe traded mouths for this scene!) and says oh, he found him, or what was left of him. "Somebody tried removing his head, and whoever did it was the star pupil."

 

"Hmmm," says Joe, taking in the idea that his mentor's gone. Oh well! "The king is dead, long live the king!" he purrs, but Ryan's pretty much done with this; "Screw the king. I need a name." Ohhh, need, says Joe, getting his teeth right where he wants them--around Ryan's throat. Such a vulnerable word."It's very dangerous for you, when you need something from me." 

 

Ryan, doing his flat affect retreat, asks if Joe's got a name for him or not. Joe takes umbrage at his refusal to play their little game and tries to gesture grandly while proclaiming he's not a trick pony, but his shackles preclude the act. Purefoy is so funny, placing one petulant hand on his hip while repeating his trick pony line and really, all this scene needs is a neon sign flashing outside the window and Ryan undoing his belt. Purefoy proves it with his next line: "I'm not just here to do your bidding, at least not without a little foreplay first." BOOM THERE IT IS and if that's not proof some intern out there's reading the boards I'll eat my hat.

 

Ryan's silence makes Joe press--"Tell me about this new love of yours"--but he should have known better, frankly, because of course that sends Ryan to the door with a "have a nice death." "Oh, don't pout, Ryan," sighs Joe dramatically, and gives it up:" Arthur had rules. He was careful to keep his mentees isolated from each other; he claimed it was for our protection but I always suspected it was so we'd rely soley on him." Ryan observes that that rule changed when Strauss forced his students to free him from jail. "And clearly," smirks Joe, "this 'best student' hasn't taken it terribly well."  Ya think? I'd ask Strauss but I don't think his voice box is working.

 

This romantic little tete-a-tete is interrupted by a door slam and various guards gathering outside the cell door. Both men turn towards a grim, black coated man, who's apparently the deputy warden and has arrived with an announcement; it's 12:01 a.m. and Joe's death warrant has been issued. So even if Ryan hadn't shown up Joe's nice dream would have been interrupted, I guess.

 

Warden goes on to say that the execution's taking place in seven days, and Joe gets to pick his exit: lethal injection or the chair (I hope they can get it back from Spider's warehouse!) The guy then pauses for the longest time, like he's waiting for Joe to pick right then and there. Joe's all I'll think about it and get back to you and the warden slips back under cloak of night into the netherworld. Well, it's going to be hard to get the groove back now.

 

Joe says as much, almost like he's hoping Ryan will disagree (hee) but that's enough outright LURVE between these two characters for now. Scenes that feel like the opening of an adult film so far this episode: ONE. 

 

Out of the cell and onto the deserted road, where the marshals' slipping from the surly bonds of earth has attracted quite a bit of attention. Mike's standing above the bodies when Ryan pulls up (wasn't he just in Virginia? And isn't this outside Beacon, New York? Seriously, when was the last time this man slept? This is getting past ridiculous into dangerous) and strolls over to join him, but Mike's not the only one there; hey-ho, it's our old friend US Marshal Scott! He was on the first season trying to get Claire to be slightly less stupid, remember? Poor guy, his job hasn't gotten any easier since then.

 

Ryan and Scott shake in greeting and Ryan all sorry about your people and Scott looks bewildered for a split second; like, thanks, man, but we're not in a Starbucks--oh, you mean my currently dead coworkers, right. He goes on to exposit that the two were married and newly engaged, respectively. That's sad but Ryan doesn't really know what to do with it; turning, he asks Mike if "our guy" did this. Mike says he'd put money on it, goes on about the hack into the car's computer, etc., and the camera pans over to the dark haired female agent who figured out the missing persons/two hours from Beacon stuff, who says it looks like Duncan lied about not knowing "Strauss's best student." Gahhh, I am so sick of that phrase! Can we bury it alongside Strauss, please? Or soak it in a quicklime pit or set it on fire or whatever they do with the old bastard's clay dwelling house?

 

Ryan says, nah, his bestest friend in the world, Joe, says Strauss kept all his pets in separate kennels for the most part, and there's no reason to suppose Duncan knew shit. "It's possible that our guy freed Duncan for some specific mission." Once again, Ryan is correct, for all the good it's going to do him (none.) Clark, who's been listening to this with a "WHHHAAAAAT?" expression, says he doesn't know what's worse--"You talking to Joe or you quoting him." Hey, if that warden hadn't shown up there'd be a lot worse then that, Scott.

 

Ryan mutters a line in self-defense that I can't unravel even after a few rewinds--the whole "whisper mumble" school of Intense Acting can die with a quickness, as far as I'm concerned--but apparently we're done with him anyway because now we're at a deserted rest stop with Carl and Duncan! Hooray. Duncan is changing clothes and nervous-babbling while Carl leans against the wall and stares into the nothingness. Duncan's all I am so grateful and spending my life in prison would have sucked! Carl, not blinking, says he didn't do it for him. This makes Duncan even more nervous and he morphs into a kind of human chihuahua, yipping that oh, sure, he gets that, but "we can still make the best of things, can't we?" That line was delivered in a way that makes the official Seeming Opening Porn Scene count go up to TWO. 

 

Carl's not down for that and advances on Duncan in a way that cannot be read as inviting. Especially since he says he doesn't give a rat's ass that Duncan meant something to Strauss, and if Duncan doesn't want to become the latest bloody corpse in a remote area he'll help him tie up some loose ends. 

 

Noooo problem, gulps Duncan, who clearly isn't full of personal courage or stoutness of heart. I don't blame him, Carl is a scary motherfucker, but this just illustrates that Duncan's a fundamentally weak man who used murder as a way to bolster his self image, not shine it up. He goes on to therapy-speak that he appreciates Carl's honesty and what does he need? Carl flats out that 'creating those false IDs' left him exposed, and he needs to 'cauterize that wound.' What a lovely metaphor. Anyway, it's just a matter of time before the FBI finds out about his passport connection, among other things, and he needs a second pair of hands. 

 

Can do! say Duncan! "Easy-peasy!" Ugh, somewhere Hillary just did a full body shudder. Swinging a baseball cap onto his head, he mentions that Carl brought a lot of clothes. Duncan's latest friendly overture falls flat as Carl growls that "it's going to be a very messy day." Duncan looks like he's contemplating making a run for it as we cut to:

 

FBI Forever Nameless Federal Building, where Ryan and Mike are making the latest series of announcements to people who were probably actually getting work done before this latest meeting. But since Strauss is all gacked I guess they are at loose ends, so luckily US Marshal Scott is there to give them a new project--hunting down both the hacker (which they were already working on) and recapturing Duncan. Ryan does a quick rundown and then says "Until we get these two, nobody sleeps." And then promptly collapses into a babbling hallucinatory state because the man HASN'T SLEPT in like four days, which nobody points out. I guess everybody's just waiting for him to snap, don a butterfly costume, and jump off the roof so they can get back to the regular chain of command.

 

Everybody shuffles off to not sleep as Ryan turns to Scott, but before he can ask for constructive criticism the door opens....

 

And oh my LORD IT IS PIRATE NICK! Remember? The guy who lost an freakin' eye because six or seven trained officers didn't bother asking "say, are those hairpins sharp?" when they had that one nutty Follower in custody and she jumped on him and stabbed him??? Wow, it is like old home week on The Following! 

 

Speaking of remembering, Nick sure does, because his smile is pointed and wolfish as he moves toward Ryan and Company. Ryan's got his loins girded; "Nick," he says. "I'd say good to see you (OOO BURN) but in my experience you only show up when I'm in trouble." So Nick follows you around constantly and sleeps outside your door, then? 

 

"If that was the case I'd have been here a helluva lot sooner," grits One Eyed Nick, and Scott's all okay, nasty Ex conversation not my thing, and ducks out to "call his office." Probably to tell them to forget getting a quick wrapup of the gruesome murders of two officers. Nick treats him to a closeup of his sealed eyelid for extra shudders as he flees. I love how Nick disdains eye patches, preferring to make everyone he looks at so uncomfortable.

 

Ryan takes offensive position, saying he's guessing Nick's here to take over operations until Gina's hearing. Nick confirms and says believe it or not, he's not there to fight with Ryan. "I was at Havenport, it cost me an eye. I know that if it weren't for your...*significant and angry pause* unorthodox methods, Joe Carroll would have killed a lot more people." 

 

Well, that's nice and all but Ryan's not falling for it; "I'm hearing a 'but' coming." (SCENE COUNT THREE) and Nick smiles lupinely and says he's there to restore order and usher in a new era of transparency yadda yadda yadda, "and frankly, you might want to think about whether you fit  into it. " So, is Ryan fired? I mean, it's about time, frankly, but isn't there a bunch of steps to go through? 

 

Nick slides off to make everything more difficult in Ryan's life as Mike observes that losing an eye "hasn't improved his attitude." Well, no, I imagine not. I can't see myself becoming Little Mary Sunshine in the wake of having my eye stabbed out by a crazy woman because the people guarding her don't grasp the idea of frisking. "It doesn't matter," huffs Ryan, they're full speed on this no matter what Ol' Poopy Pants Nick Donovan says, and they stride manfully out.

 

Ooof, okay, that's enough for this one. Posting and moving on to part two: Cracked ribs are just a suggestion. 

Edited April 8, 2015 by Snookums

[Such A Flirt]

Why they didn't take it full Red Dwarf and have a full on makeout scene is beyond me.

 

Because that's when Ryan woke up; darn it.

[Snookums]

Okay, part two. Come for Max's cracked ribs, stay for the ridiculous even for this show police work!

 

We open with said Max, down at the firing range getting ready to prove herself or some such crap. She raises her gun, gets all wincey about her sore torso, then shoots. She both misses by a mile and gets a recoil reminder that she was nearly beaten to a pulp like, three days ago and shouldn't be doing anything but lying around downing Percosets and binge watching True Detective, for fuck's sake. 

 

Max gasps, holding her side and clearly trying not to cry with pain, when she hears a familiar voice calling her; it's Ryan, taking time out from his nonsleep experiment to come check on her. He asks what she's doing and Max is all I was cleared for duty! Ryan says LIMITED duty, that means desk work, not wrenching your ribs out of alignment firing a damn gun. Max says she's been doing just that--"I've been running down the Clark email with the cyber security team and I think we're getting close to a break." Speaking of breaks, perhaps the ones in your ribs can convince you this isn't the best way to unwind, Max! 

 

(Aside from everything, Jessica Stroup looks really pretty here. A difficult feat, considering the harsh lighting and the fact that she's supposed to be barely back from death's door. A head cold makes me look like the wreck of the Hesperus, I don't know how "beaten with an oar" is pulling this off.)

 

Ryan's glad to hear about anything that might get Pirate Nick to back off, but says hey, just chill, you don't have to prove anything to anybody. And Anybody swings on in, in the form of Mike, down here nominally to seek out Ryan and really to feast his hungry eyes upon the woman he nearly let get killed and then had a sexual encounter with and now she's not talking to him! All this subtext buzzes in the air like a swarm of Oprah bees and Max looks like she wishes she could sink through the floor, ribs be damned.

 

But anyway! Mike's here to relate the latest plot anchors to fasten around their respective necks; a lot of blather about chasing down the passports and blibbity blobbity bloop but the short story is they're looking for a Luis Cerra, which Mike, and everyone else, will hilariously pronounce "Louise" throughout the episode. Aren't these people well traveled professionals who live in New York City? How can they not know how to pronounce Luis? That's like saying they've never heard the names John or Steve spoken aloud. 

 

Ryan, happy to get away from this Zone Of Silent Pleading And Accusation, says let's go talk to him right now. He tells Max to stay on the email and call him if something breaks. "Will do," mutters Max, and Mike tosses one last longing glance her way as he trots off after Ryan. She turns to look at her nowhere near bullet hole as Ethnic Rap Music transitions us to 

 

The basement of an apartment building, presumably that of the elusive Luis, where a bunch of guys are sitting around shooting the shit, playing cards and drinking beer. How urban. This is apparently the dregs of an all night session, since one of them (Luis, of course) says it's late and Danielle's gonna be pissed; "I promised I'd stop by this morning." Some shit talk back and forth and dick measuring, and Luis heads out. I'll bet he's glad he won that one guy's rent money since he's suspended from work on fairly serious charges! Even though he clearly doesn't know who he did his latest copy job for, he's still pretty relaxed considering he's facing a prison term for forging government documents.

 

Luis heads off and waits for the elevator, but said elevator clearly contains CARL because it doesn't show up. Luis shrugs and heads up the stairs and we get the "quarry slips unknowingly out of sight just as the doors open to reveal the hunter" thing. Sure enough, Carl and Duncan emerge, murder on their minds. Well, Carl's mind, Duncan seems to have left that whole part of his personality back in that rest stop bathroom. 

 

I imagine Carl's pried quite a few details of Luis's life out of him while Luis was doing his bidding, because he knew where Luis lived, that he was in the basement (or was until a minute ago) and what room to head to. Or he's got magical powers, I'll accept either answer from this show at this point. The duo head directly for the poker game, where everybody's luck is about to plunge to new depths. 

 

They stroll on in and Carl slips into a "Hey bro" persona, acting like he totally belongs here and inquiring after Luis. It works; the guys don't question who these people are or what they're doing here, just say that said people have just missed Luis. When Carl presses as to where said Luis may be now ( Carl, by the by, is the only person besides the three poker players to say Luis's name correctly) they give him the full Bro Measure of shit, saying Ol' Luis is probably heading for Carl's mom's house! Ha ha, classic! 

 

Carl agrees! He and Duncan give a grin of good fellowship BEFORE HE PULLS A CLEAVER OUT OF NOWHERE AND CHOPS OFF THE GUY'S HAND! Fuck! And once again, what should be a shocking twist into violence is marred by the fact that Carl was carrying a cleaver and nobody seemed to notice. I rewound this scene all the way back to them getting off the elevator; neither Carl nor Duncan are carrying the cleaver when they walk into the basement room, and neither have a bag or satchel of any kind. They both have baggy coats on so I presume he brought it in that way but how did he get it into his hand all ready for limb chopping with nobody noticing?

 

Well, it's a moot point now, what with the guy screaming his head off and Duncan aiming a gun at the other two as they freak out and blood spurts everywhere! The hand is shown still on the table in a bit that clearly is supposed to be shocking and horrible but reads much more "haunted house effect." Carl cliches the "Now that I have your attention" line as we go to break.

 

Age of Ultron looks SUPER COOL. 

 

I am upset by the idea that Taco Bell can make my grandma flash my grandpa, though.

 

And we're back! Ryan, Mike, and Scott (he's back from his phone call) are entering the apartment building where Luis's buddies have met their recent bloody end. Mike says "Louise" is on the fifth floor, but their stroll to elevators is interrupted by Ryan spotting a big ol' blood smear on the basement door! Uh-oh. They pull their guns and head downstairs, following the blood trail (which makes NO SENSE because A) Carl is way too careful to leave something like that and B) that would mean that he and Duncan came all the way upstairs in their blood soaked clothes and risk being seen rather then change in the basement in complete privacy. The Following certainly isn't a slave to continuity but Carl's elaborate precautions and the extra clothing were both thoroughly established, the latter not ten minutes ago! GAHHHH THIS SHOW.)

 

ANYWAY. They go down the stairs, blood smears everywhere, and enter the basement, where it doesn't take long to find the gross aftermath of Carl's interrogation session--there's blood everywhere, even dripping from the lamp above the bodies. The camera pulls back for a last shot of the "rubber hand on the table" effect, which is probably next to that bowl of peeled grapes that feel like eyeballs, and we cut to

 

Federal Building, where Max is ouchie ouchie ouching her way down the hall when "Peeping" Tom runs up next to her! Hey, buddy! How's that being totally trustworthy and not at all wretchedly creepy and gross with STOLEN EVIDENCE thing going? It's not? Yeah, I figured. Tom gives Max the party line about going the hell home already, but Max (still a bit flinchy with guilt) says she's fine, "I don't need you to mother me."

 

Is that what I'm doing, chuckles Tom? Not really, dude. Much more "voyeurism with horrifically stalky undertones." " 'Cause that's gonna put a damper on our sex life." EEWWWWWWWW. This is definitely a scene that's NOT going in the porno count. Max agrees with me, saying the bitch with the two by four already took care of that. Ha ha. Max proposes seeing each other later that night and Tom's all whether you know it or not! She heads into headquarters as Tom gets all glowery in the background. This storyline is waaaay past its expiry date, writers. Pull the pin on those damn cameras and get things going already. 

 

Max enters to a pleasant surprise, for once: Female Day Player Agent bounces up in her path to call her a genius. "I agree," says Max. "Why?" Oh, dear, they're still trying to make her the funny one. Please stop. FDP Agent says Max nailed how the hacker got into the server! Techobabble reveals that he used one of the FBI's outside vendors to breach their firewall. The FBI uses outside vendors? That's not comforting.

 

Pirate Nick Fury, hearing this (his radar picks up Max saying she's got to call Ryan with the news) and swings over to gum up the works. Max outlines that she and Agent Sloane (Female Day Player) have traced the breach to some tech company called Manatech. Sounds like a cyborg manatee about to get all punk ass on some boat propellers. 

 

Nick asks if it was an inside job and Sloane says doubtful; everybody there who works on the FBI stuff has to be vetted. "They can't buy a pair of socks without our knowing." Max says they think their boy found a way to hack in from offsite. Nick's down with that and tells Sloane to go up there and check into it, but Max says she wants to stay on this. Nick becomes the fourth person in a row to remind Max that she's only a few days back from a severe beating and hey? Maybe with the couch and some Netflix already? But Max refuses to take the universe's repeated hints and insists it's just going to be interviews and computer work. Nick says fine, the two of them get up there and report back to him. This could not possibly go wrong.

 

Back in the Basement of Blood (Hayrides $5) Techs in full moonsuits are milling around as Ryan's saying that this guy worries him. REALLY? WHY IS THAT? Ryan goes on to say that Joe was smart, but egotistic and made mistakes. "This guy? I feel like we're always two steps behind." Well, considering how careless Carl was with the blood trail I don't know why that should be. Seriously, for a Ghost Super Killer Hacker guy that was just so sloppy.

 

Mike pops in with news confirming Ryan's fears: neighbors saw Louise leaving around eleven a.m., so the killer just missed him. "Which means we just missed him!" sighs Ryan, flapping his arms in frustration, or because sleep deprivation has made him think he's a talking ostrich. Mike says something about searching for his cell but coming up empty, so either he's a nineteenth century Luddite or using burners. Scott's puzzled--with Strauss dead why bother with all the mess and risk of killing Luis at all? 

 

Because, points out Ryan, Luis can identify him. Which is a theory that falls completely apart later, but right now sounds reasonable enough. Mike says it's a race, and if they get to Luis first it's Disneyland for all; if not, Busch Gardens in the off season.

 

Cut to Duncan and Carl sitting in a car in the rain, with Duncan rattling on about how "intense" that was and Carl wishing he had any other way to get this shit done. Like, I'm sure Carl would settle for a trained seal at this point. "I've never seen that much blood," says the guy who pulled people's hearts out of their chest cavities. "You're clearly something of an overachiever." Heh, this actor is at least trying with this impossible role. 

 

Carl, nearing the end of his tether, tersely asks if Duncan always talks this much when he kills. "No," says Duncan, "That's sacred time." Carl looks at him and says yeah, yeah it is. So why not have a little sacred time right now? QUIETLY? 

 

Before things can devolve further, Carl spots Luis heading out of a store with a bouquet of flowers. So, wait, how did they know he was here? Was this place near Luis's girlfriend's place and they just got lucky? How did they know he wasn't already at her place? Answer; None Of Our Business! Duncan mouth breathes in a most annoying manner as he watches their quarry head innocently down the street, and they're getting ready to follow when Carl's phone rings. He checks it and his eyes darken. At Duncan's query, he says he's got something he's got to take care of. (So why bring Duncan along on this excursion at all? He clearly was planning to deal with Luis, then the FBI before this phone call. He also could just as clearly have done both jobs alone--indeed, we'll see there's no way he would be bringing Duncan along to Manatech. WHY DID CARL BRING DUNCAN INTO THIS? Answer: the plot needs him to! That is seriously the only reason for this whole setup.)

 

RRRRRRGGGHHHHH anyway, Carl asks Duncan the Dipshit if he can handle Luis and Duncan barks and sits and wags his tail and says sure! Carl reiterates that Luis has to take Duncan to his printing press, destroy his computer and any backup files before killing him. Carl's taking quite a risk that Luis doesn't have a safety deposit box full of thumb drives somewhere. Duncan mouth breathes not to worry, he can handle it. "I'm not worried, Duncan," says Carl. "You know what I'll do if you fail." With that reassuring performance review he heads off into the sleeting rain and leaves Duncan pondering the wisdom of not just turning himself in already and getting away from this lunatic. 

 

Cut to Manatech Technologies in Westchester, where the head guy or CEO or whatever he is is reassuring Max and Sloane that he'll totally cooperate, just tell him what they need. Max says a team of your best people to pull the files apart and ferret this guy out. The guy reassures them he'll put his best people on it as he walks by a handsome young programmer type who's taking an interest in the goings-on. He strains up to watch them as somebody comes up behind him! Uh oh, that usually means a hatchet is coming out to play!

 

Not right now, though, as a soft voice asks what's going on. Tech Guy says the FBI's here about a breach or something, and hey, what are even doing here? "I thought you were only working a couple days this month." The camera pans up to reveal CARL, in tie and side parting, saying something important came up that he's got to take care of personally. The music squeals us into break!

 

(Say, that text? The one that alerted Carl to this? Who sent that? Does he have the entire FBI server tied into his phone? Did Max or Sloane type "Off to Manatech Industries to investigate that pesky hack job!" on their Facebook walls? How did he even know about this?)

 

Gotham is AWESOME.

 

Back to Luis heading towards his girlfriend's house and eventual horrible kidnapping, as Duncan follows along behind. Elsewhere, Nick snippily asks for any updates as Ryan's staring at the photos of the latest bloodbath vics and Mike says they've got units sitting on Louise's parents and sister but they haven't heard from him since yesterday. Ryan says for Mike to have Max dig into Luis's social networks--"She's an ace at that." How good do you have to be to find somebody's Twitter? Hell, I could do that. What are the rest of the cyber security team even doing, sitting around playing Worms?

 

And anyway, snits Nick, Max isn't here, she's off dredging computer programming sludge at Manatech. Ryan gets all huffy but Nick's all re-LAX, guy, "the only danger she's facing is boredom." Much like our audience! (Thank you!) 

 

Back to Manatech, a head of department type is getting all soft sexism on agent Sloane. Max walks into him saying "I didn't call YOU stupid, I said your whole ASSUMPTION is stupid." Jerk. I'm glad Carl's gonna frame him. I hope he plants a bunch of fake Visa receipts for strip clubs in this asshole's expense report. Max asks after the reason for this expression of honesty and Sloane says "Mr. Collins" here thinks they're wasting their time looking for a single hacker. Max asks who Mr. Collins is when he's not being an asshole and he says he oversees the FBI firewall. So I get why he's feeling under the gun, here, but that's no excuse for the mansplaining coming up: He goes on about how they need to look for a pod of at least three people; "a hacker, a forger, and automotive computer expert." No one, he goes on as Carl listens in and plots dark things, has that breadth of skill. 

 

Peter Jerkentail goes on and on, saying that Russia needs whole teams of people just to conquer one of these "arenas," and Max, having heard enough men tell her what she does and doesn't know today, moves forward, eyes laser focused. "And yet all forensic and digital evidence points to a single hacker, right here in New York."  

 

"All due respect, Agent Hardy (I keep forgetting Max is Ryan's nephew and has the same last name)" says CEO guy, but Peter here is an expert in intrusion in cyber security. Now, why don't you run and get the coffee? Max, not dropping a beat, says then she's sure Peter will agree that the use of a single cell modem rules out multiple hackers. Yeah! I don't know what any of that means but SUCK IT, ASSHOLE! Peter and CEO look downcast and a bit ill as Max says hey, did I mention I spent four years in cyber security before I joined the FBI? I didn't? Well, I just did, so y'all can tuck your dicks back and get with the program or I can make sure you're working in a phone center in Omaha before I'm done. Sloane sits back and enjoys as Carl spooks around in the background.

 

Which he apparently does for like, hours, because the next shot is him saying goodnight to clearly going-home workers as he slips not at ALL clandestinely into Peter Collins' office and slides the door shut. Smooth. He heads over to his laptop and plugs in some neato hardware downloading crap, clearly planting bunches and bunches of evidence as people continue to walk right by the office! The glass fronted office! Granted it's frosted but that doesn't mean Carl's movements can't be seen! Why the hell didn't he just hang back until everyone left and then do this little frame job? Plus he's not wearing gloves and leaving fingerprints on everything! Even if his prints weren't in the system before they will be now when this shit falls apart and the place is dusted by techs! Genius, my right buttcheek.

 

Tension fails to breach the stupidity wall as Carl finishes up and walks into the completely deserted hallway... and right into Max! Whoops! And it's her ouchy side too, which she can't fail to demonstrate as she gasps for breath and tries not to fall over. He asks if she's okay and Max once again has to be the funny one as she wryly says yeah, she's recovering from an altercation with a piece of lumber. Look, Max is an awesome character who just shut down a whole room of smug assholes, she doesn't need to be Kirsten Wiig, show.

 

Max asks this nice young man if he happens to know of a bathroom "in this maze" (set up!) and Carl directs her down the hall, then heads off to redo the Bay of Pigs invasion or whatever else he's got going on, and we cut to: Mike! Hey, Mike! He's heading down the FBI building's back staircase for absolutely no discernable reason when whomp! Guess who else is using them? That's right, Tom! Mike greets him cordially enough but I guess Tom's in a hurry to catch the latest installment of The Max Show, since he powers by without a word and deliberately bumps Mike in clearly unfriendly way. 

 

"What's your problem?" demands Mike. "Besides leaving my girlfriend to die?" snaps Tom, getting all chesty and shit. Mike backs off, saying he made a mistake and Tom walks right into him, saying yeah, you make a lot of those! But not stealing evidence, that one's mine! 

 

The two of them stand nose to nose when Ryan and Scott pop in (What the hell? Is it Use The Back Staircase Day?) and says they've got a lead on Luis and they've gotta roll. Tom sulks off as Mike follows, wondering what the hell that was all about.

 

Now for the least sexy part of this episode; cut to two people I don't care about having sex and shortly to be snuffed out like candles! Oh boy, I bet Daisy's sad she's missing this. Luis and girlfriend Danielle are gettin' a little morning action on when she quits feigning interest and says babe look, that's your building! Luis sits up and they both watch her giant TV WHICH WAS ON THIS WHOLE TIME (man, they both must be lousy in the sack if they've got CNN going instead of porn) and Plot Relevance News outlines the murders at Luis's apartment. The anchor helpfully moves things along by saying the police are looking for Luis while his picture is shown saying PERSON OF INTEREST. Danielle, rightfully confused, demands to know what's going on while Luis hurls himself towards his clothes, saying for her to dress and get her stuff, they're leaving! A sudden thump whacks us back into horror movie territory and Luis grabs his piece (his gun, pervs) and says for Danielle to stay there and not move. He heads out while she just sits there. Guys of the world, don't take this wrong, but if our intimate congress is ever paused by reports of murder, your panic, a gun and strange sounds in my house, I'm getting dressed and climbing out the nearest window. Good luck and all.

 

And time for your favorite scene and mine; Character creeping around a dark area! In this case Luis is at least turning lights on as he checks each room, which is more then I can say for the usual run of this show, but he turns them right off again! I guess that's both so whoever's in the house can't see him and to avoid the decor, which is Classical Insane Grandmother Who Has A Bunch Of People Buried In The Basement. I hope this is Danielle's family home and this isn't her idea of interior design. 

 

Anyway, long-ass lights on and off scene here and we don't bother worrying because of COURSE he's going to head upstairs and find Danielle dead in her bed, and voila! Thanks show, you never disappoint. Luis freezes, but only for a second before he drops to the floor thanks to Duncan whacking him on the head! Oh, Luis, my poor latest minority character in jeopardy; you have no idea how shitty it's going to get from here. 

 

And that's part two! Tune in tomorrow for How To Preserve A Crime Scene; Opposite Day.

Edited April 8, 2015 by Snookums

[MDKNIGHT]

I feel so validated. We have canon evidence of the deep relationship between Hardy and Joe.  It's like the love that dare not speak its name...they dared and they spoke it!  Joe demands foreplay and Hardy has Joe in his dreams.  Told you guys so.

 

Tech dude might as well have had a red shirt on.  God what kind of police let that many civilians die around them.  And AGAIN somebody just walks out when the police have a perimeter up.  I said this during season one...I could do a better job heading a troop of girl scouts. 

[Snookums]

Part three! Servers hate us all, and serve only the Evil One.

 

Open with Ryan and Co. pulling up in front of the late Danielle's house, guns at the ready. Standard creep around and Ryan finds the remains of poor dead Danielle in her room (That's the, let's see, fourth? woman and sixth minority down, by the way.) Ryan checks her pulse, at least, but Danielle has clearly joined the choir invisible. Ryan calls "I've got a body!" to the others so they know everything sucks, and they all meet above her corpse to exposition for a bit. "We are losing this race," Mike says grimly, and Scott continues to fill in for the slower viewers by asking why the hell their target didn't just kill Louise and be done with it? 

 

Ryan does his standard three second ponder, then solves the puzzle; "The passports. Louise must print them somewhere else." He orders the air around him to summon CSU and tear the place apart--"There must be something in this house that can give us a lead as to where our killer took him!" Um, what? Why? This is Danielle's house, not Luis's.There's no more reason to think there's stacks of printed out Google maps with "MY SECRET PRINTING PRESS WHERE I DO ILLEGAL SHIT" circled on them here then at his place or his parents' place! Do they even do second drafts of these scripts?

 

But luckily we don't have to rely on the CSU team, as the show has brought us (and Duncan) to said secret hidey-hole! Duncan's ordering Luis out of his trunk at gunpoint (How the hell did he get Luis INTO his trunk? He was parked on the street! I guess New Yorkers really mind their business.) Luis climbs out, as per usual for TV none the worse for wear from that massive head injury he just sustained. He's understandably upset and says Duncan didn't have to kill Danielle, she had nothing to do with this. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that," says Duncan, "My boss is kind of a freak, he doesn't like dangling threads. No matter how cute they are." YUCH, please excuse me while I go throw up my toenails. 

 

Duncan goes on to say truth to tell, he knows he's on borrowed time just like Luis. Luis is all so let's just take off! You go your way I'll go mine! Duncan likes the idea in theory but says it's a bummer but trust me there's nowhere to run where he can't find us. Oh, and I'm also a recently exposed serial killer with my picture everywhere and it's frankly unbelievable I've gotten this far, given the plot's penchant for finding people with random cameras when necessary. So, drag, but get going. He marches the "My life made sense an hour ago" Luis off into the building, yelling at him to not look at him and to get going, shoving him quite unnecessarily hard. Dude, he's doing it! Calm down already!

 

Speaking of non calm dudes, now we're back at Manatech and the increasingly frazzled Peter Collins saying they've examined everything on the server for the last month and can't find the breach. Creepy Temp Guy Who's Hanging Around Awful Late Carl watches and uses his bionic bat ears to hear Max say keep searching, we're missing something. 

 

Sloane calls Max out of the room with some interesting, if clearly planted, news: "I've found a discrepancy in the employee logs." Lots of tech about storage to secondary discs and corruption, but the short story is that a Manatech employee accessed the FBI server two days before Strauss's trial, the same day that Strauss's terrible, awful, no good very bad legal team received the email. Oh, and icing on the cake? Same employee called in sick yesterday when Strauss got his head sawed mostly off. And this employee is....drum roll....PETER COLLINS!  Heh heh heh.

 

Max gazes dumbfounded at Sloane for a split second, then she, Sloane, and two extras wearing badges all head on in to arrest Peter, who is of course a simple fall guy (and sexist jerk, but he is being framed.) Carl, radiating the quiet smugness of a bad deed well done, slithers out of his chair as Max points a gun at Peter's head and other late working employees stare in disbelief as Peter's hauled away. Max orders him taken to the FBI, and the building cleared out: "This entire building is now a crime scene, the forensics team will be by in a few hours." Carl smirks, clearly realizing that "clearing the building" means "half assing shit even more then usual and leaving the whole damn place completely unguarded." Manatech is pretty much doing the job for Carl right now.

 

Back to Deserted Secret Printing Press Warehouse, where Duncan is dramatically revealing said press with a swirling flap of its cover sheet and bossing Luis about. Duncan is a tiny fish who found a microscopic pond and is just splashing all around. He strides over to Luis, who has found a sort of Zen calm and asks for "the backups." "I tell you, you let me go?" asks Luis in a not very hopeful voice. Duncan breathes a laugh and asks if Luis has heard the term 'quality of life.' "Right now, your quality of life depends on doing exactly what I say and not asking stupid questions." Uh, okay. How does the magnetic force at the poles change back and forth? That's a pretty smart question, right?

 

Duncan again asks for the location of these mysterious backups and Luis, clearly seeing the train rushing towards him in this tunnel, merely spits contemptuously. I don't know why he doesn't just lie and say they're in another hidden location or a safe deposit box and buy some time, but his sassy manner doesn't make Duncan feel heard, and he crashes Luis across the schnoz with the butt of his rifle! Ouch! Luis hits the deck with a groan and Duncan trots his little quality of life phrase out again and smacks him about and hollers and this is going nowhere. Or not, because Luis silently gestures to a metal filing cabinet that's right there in plain sight and anybody with an ounce of brain matter would have just fucking looked in there. Why is Duncan such an important part of Carl's master plan, again?

 

Speaking of, back to that! Max is calling Ryan to fill him in on the latest and Carl is using his little magic widget to listen in on the conference call thingy. Can he do that? Max is using her own phone, not a Manatech one. But anyway, she relays info both good news and bad, Carl-wise; she tells Ryan about the arrest and that Peter could have been in Beacon, "but he clocked in at eight this morning so he couldn't have killed Luis's crew." Whoopsie, Carl! Carl looks pissed with himself for not kidnapping Peter and hanging him off a bridge or something rather then letting him come to work. But if his plan was to off Luis first and then come to Manatech, which it clearly was, how was he planning on framing Peter in the first place? The timing wouldn't have worked out with or without Duncan. This script is giving me a rash.

 

The convo continues, with Ryan asking what his connection is if he's not the killer, and Max posits as possible middle man, probably giving Carl an idea or two. Max asks after the passport hunt, Ryan's all the usual--dead body and nothing else. They hang up and Max spots--a moving shadow! She grabs for her weapon with a gasp, probably ruing the fact that she didn't call in local police to guard the damn place or have some more agents or the rest of the cyber team over for tea and cookies. The shadow creeps forward, to reveal...tech guy! The one who was talking to Carl earlier and clearly destined for a nice long life.

 

Max merely says "you shouldn't be here", rather then downing him with a hail of bullets or arresting his ass. DAMN RIGHT HE SHOULDN'T. Who the fuck cleared this building? The little mice in Cinderella? It's bad enough Carl The Creepy Temp hasn't been herded out but Tech Guy has even less reason to be hanging around and it should look INCREDIBLY SUSPICIOUS.

 

But of course it is not, for Plot Requirements say otherwise! With Carl listening in over the speakerphone, Tech Guy asks if it's true that Peter was arrested and it's because he doesn't have an alibi for yesterday? Max warily says that's one reason, why? "He...he didn't do whatever it is you think he did," says Tech Guy, moving forward so his voice can come through nice and clear on the transmitter. "He was with me all day yesterday (oh?) at a B&B in Westchester (OH.)" He pulls his smartphone from his pocket and holds up a selfie of the two of them. Man, I do not think I would be documenting my clandestine same-sex affair with selfies, especially as a security expert, but hey, to each his own in this wild life. 

 

Max is all any reason you didn't speak up BEFORE we slapped the cuffs on and ruined the guy's life? Tech Guy says um, he's got a wife, sooo.. awkward. Yep, that's kind of a Chinese Menu of suck for Peter there. Max goes on to say they've got concrete evidence blah blah blah and Tech Guy says that's nothing, the access logs don't have any confidential info so they're barely protected. "It'd be tricky, but with the right virus? I could make it look like you accessed the files," he goes on, while Max realizes she should probably already know that being with Cyber Security for four years and all and Carl sits in his spider hole looking ill, like a second-tier Batman villain watching his elaborate and gigantic death trap get shredded. Picked the wrong guy to frame, there, GENIUS.

 

Max asks this total stranger how sure he is and he's all one hundred percent! I know Peter! He's a lying cheating dickbag condescending asshole but he's not a killer! Max immediately calls the FBI to have Peter released and summon hundreds of tech workers to tear the files apart and do a background check on every employee there. Ha ha, what show do you think we're watching, here? She and Tech Guy sit themselves right down in the crime scene building to find that pesky virus or what the hell ever all by their little scrappy selves! What a terrific idea, especially for that civilian there! It's not like the guy who did the frame job is a SERIAL KILLER OR ANYTHING. Carl is as disgusted as I am and swoops out of frame, and we switch over to

 

Luis, tied to a post and watching Duncan pile "all" the files in a little tiny metal container and light it up with lighter fluid. Is that going to burn hot enough to destroy all those discs? Duncan better hope so, I guess. He gazes as the fire catches with his usual expression (mouth breath-y and annoying), then asks if that's everything. Luis, fed up with it all, sullenly says all that's left is the printing press. Um, is Duncan supposed to destroy that single handed or something? That's a huge cast iron thing, I don't think lighter fluid's going to make much of a dent.

 

Duncan takes his responsibilities one by one, however, and next up is blowing Luis's head off! He grabs his trusty sawed off as Luis says "C'mon man, I didn't do anything" like he's being yelled at by his mom for breaking a lamp and not about to get shot in the face. Duncan presses the barrel against his head and he gets the idea, and they're both yelling when--Duncan's phone rings. With a sigh, Duncan drops the piece and says "please hold" in an exasperated tone as he answers it. Hee hee, that was a good read, I gotta admit.

 

It is of course Carl, just calling for a check in and see how things are going and oh by the way, don't kill Luis yet, he needs him to do one more job. Um, what is Luis's motivation at this point? But Duncan just hangs up and says good news amigo, you just got a stay of execution. Hooray, but what was the job exactly? 

 

Back to Danielle's family house and crypt, where Ryan and Mike are still hanging around and getting in CSU's way. But good news, via Mike! They found Danielle's car up the block with a bunch of parking tickets from a marine terminal, and since the city's cameras are now back on the Plot's payroll they pulled footage of: Luis and Duncan! Oomph, you can actually feel the last act lumbering to its feet and slouching its way onto the track. Ryan and the rest head out, Ryan calling out randomly to the air to have some team or other meet them there; whatever it is that Tom does.That team.

 

Back to Manatech where Tech Guy and Max are burning the midnight oil and STILL no sign of ANYBODY ELSE SHOWING UP. Cripes, is this place in the Marianas Trench? On the moon? What is taking so long? Anyway, Tech says Peter's system was cloned a couple weeks ago (With Security Expert Peter not noticing at all, apparently) and Max says that whoever did it is walking around with Peter's OS on a thumb drive. Man, thumb drives are great! They're like magic beans or some shit! Tech guy confirms this, saying any computer would basically be Peters with the clone plugged in and the breach could have come from any employee in the place. Really? Shouldn't Max be corralling every damn agent on the East Coast to hunt down and interrogate said employees, then? This is a flagrant and egregious act of treason, basically.

 

Tee hee, you so silly! These two will continue to handle this entire thing on their own! What could possibly go wrong? Well, this--the server just went offline. YOU DON'T SAY. Here in the middle of an investigation into a cyber breach in an empty building? That's not just the wee-est bit suspicious or anything, tech duo? 

 

I guess not, because Tech says eh, it happens, be right back and swings off like he's running down to the vending machine for a Coke. This will turn out FABULOUSLY. 

 

That's that for part three! Part Four: Let's bang our sticks together! At the pool table, jeez.

Edited April 8, 2015 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Part Four, standard murders and lack of progress and the the just most HOYAY DREAM EVAR. Fetch the smelling salts, everybody!

 

Okay, so, we left off with Tech Guy heading off to his untimely demise so let's get this over with. 

 

Tech wanders down the maze of corridors to the most inaccessible part of the basement where the server that apparently needs constant handholding is residing. This is not the most practical layout for the employees. (On the other hand, it's giving Carl real creative reach.) He heads right for the correct bank of wires and knobs and--say, this looks deliberately unplugged. It's awfully quiet and dark down here and weren't we hunting a murderer? It's almost like all this adds up to something very bad!

 

Tech Guy is hardcore geek, though--all problems are either hardware or software glitches, nothing more. He just plugs those babies right back in, like it's a regular thing that people come down here and UNPLUG THEM, and turns around to head back up

 

AND RIGHT INTO CARL. Say, temp, what are you even doing here, again? But Tech Guy absolutely refuses to put two and murderous two together and merely does the "jump back and gasp" thing people do when they're startled, saying "you scared me." Not enough, apparently.

 

Two Lego pieces finally click together in Tech Guy's brain and he thinks to ask what the hell Carl's even doing there-- "I thought they cleared everybody out." Except you and me. We have special plot passes. Carl laughs in a friendly way, slaps Tech Guy on the shoulder, and in an ever so jolly manner STABS HIM RIGHT IN THE HEART. He then does a very, very bizarre speech to the poor bastard as he gasps and chomps blood squibs: "It's so sad, really. You were the brightest person here. You could have changed the world, but instead you're going to die here alone, knowing that I took your future."

 

It's not that it's a particularly bad Evil Guy Set Speech, but it doesn't really make any damn sense at all for Carl's character. He's never been presented as a person who envied others their non-murder-based accomplishments or wanted to attract attention or glory in any way; hell, the whole reason for this little rampagette is he's trying to cover up all traces of his involvement with the Strauss debacle. Why does he care about Tech Guy at all, beyond the fact that he highlighted the fact that Carl's frame job wouldn't hold? And if that's what's pissing Carl off why the hell wouldn't he say so? It's not like Tech's gonna post it on Twitter.

 

Tech Guy gets no answers for these questions as he slides into that good night, and Carl lets him drop, hilariously and petulantly re-unplugging the server as he glares down at the body. I hope he either didn't get any blood on himself during that interaction or he's wearing another, identical outfit under his current one. Also, FINGERPRINTS EVERYWHERE. AGAIN. 

 

Olive Garden's food is like, the opposite of appealing in these ads. Everything drips.

 

We're back at Secret Guvmnit Documents R Us Warehouse, where it has started raining for some reason. Well, it was raining earlier, I guess. What the hell time of year is it supposed to be on this show, again? But anyway, Tom and his fellow SWAT members are standing around waiting for--Ryan and Mike to pull up! Seriously. They're just hanging, in the pouring rain, not radioing in for instructions or surrounding the building or executing a search or ANYTHING. I cannot imagine how the bad guys keep getting away on this show. It is a mystery.

 

So Ryan and Mike trot on over to a clot of wet and irritated armed people, but before they can start bossing everybody around, Tom speaks up, because nobody else gets any lines on camera. "We've got two teams moving into place around the building (okay, I stand corrected) and we've got checkpoints on the main roads." It's Tom's turn to brandish the Microsoft Tablet at the camera (hope he remembered to take Max View off that thing!) and goes on to point out the entrances to the building. Damn, all this competence! I am faint! It almost makes you forget the whole stolen evidence spying on your girlfriend while leaving her in danger shit! Almost.

 

Ryan, who truly looks so bone-weary I cannot imagine how he's not just drooling and waving his hands in the air, says remember, these guys are the only link to our target and we've got to take at least one of them alive, which is a perfectly valid point and any trained, experienced officer would realize it. But this is TOM! And also THE FOLLOWING, so let's have petulant little bitch-fest about it instead! Due respect, he snips, but we don't shoot to wound. Ohhhh, how masculine. Maybe he'll flex for us. "Anybody goes down, we end them," he continues. "Any other way puts my guys in danger, and I don't do that kind of thing," right at Mike. Really? Really? Right now with this crap?

 

Mike squinches his face up with incredulity and ask if Tom's got something he wants to say. " I just did,"  Tom snipes back and how everybody here is not just beating the shit out of these two right now is beyond me. They're supposed to be taking out a dangerous target and instead they get stuck watching an improv scene from Mean Girls. Scott, who's been hauled from pillar to post behind Ryan and Mike this entire time and is standing there in the downpour watching this unfold, really looks like he's about to pull his piece, put one in each of them and go off and raise chickens somewhere.

 

Ryan, who would really like to actually capture a bad guy sometime this year, steps in and breaks things up and they both step back glaring and ready to go start Tumblrs about how sucky the other one is. Ryan says do what you have to do and they all head into the warehouse, with Ryan and Mike in front. The two guys NOT in body armor and carrying handguns are in front of the armored up soldier guys. Tactical classes at this version of the FBI must really be a hoot.

 

Meanwhile, at Manatech, Max is sick of waiting on her Bugles and Mountain Dew and is apparently wandering around the dark, empty crime scene of a building looking for Tech Guy. Despite the fact that she couldn't find the bathroom earlier, she now has no trouble making her way down into the bowels of the place, and we're in for another sloooooowwwwww advance scene, as she calls Tech Guy's name (It's Ken; sorry guy, but nobody said it while you were alive), gets nervous, pulls her gun, etc. until she spots poor Ken lying in a pool of his own blood! Well, that'll happen. 

 

She only gets a glimpse, though, because right then the lights go out and we get a outlet mall version of the Jodie-Foster-creeping-through-Buffalo-Bill's-house scene! That's two references to a twenty year old movie that had more pacing, suspense and logic in two hours then this show has had in three seasons. I think the writers were just fucking drunk at this point. 

 

Max does the spin around wild eyes and point her gun at nothing while walking backwards bit, but at least she's got the presence of mind to FINALLY CALL SOMEBODY, like, nine hours after the building was supposed to be secured, but better late then never! She gives her deets and everything, but then hangs up. You'd think she'd keep the cops on the line so they could trace her phone, but she's only got two hands and she needs one for her flashlight and one for her gun. Here's hoping that when the cops show up they don't shoot her. 

 

Max walks around for a bit, looking for she knows not what, taking full advantage of the set, if nothing else, while Carl hides behind a handy corner and waits for her, bloody knife at the ready. Ew, wipe that thing off, dude! That's just rude, stabbing somebody with a dirty knife. Also, you know right where she is and you've got the element of surprise so maybe jump out and....? She does have a gun, though, and Carl is nothing if not cautious. In everything but his choice of impressed murder delegates and fingerprints and blood trails, anyway.

 

So Carl's hovering, Max is backwards walking and staring, non-tension abounds, Max turns too quick and clutches her side, Carl slides past as she's bent over, blah blah blah, Carl's like RIGHT BEHIND HER and Max apparently has no hearing or peripheral vision, Carl raises the knife...

 

AND THE STATE TROOPERS SHOW UP. Yes, not a horror movie cliche rock is left unturned by The Following! Not even the ol' "Murderer who was literally six inches away from the victim vanishes in fucking puff of smoke, apparently, and gets clean away" one! Because that's what happens! Even though there is NO GODDAMN WAY Carl could possibly have escaped, he does! Just trots off and out and into the night and even though a cordon should be being set up around the perimeter of the damn place right this very second he's gone! RAAAAHHHHHH! I'm going full Hulk Rage on this crap!

 

Max identifies herself and tells the cops to secure the building and search it and WHO CAAAAAAARES  not you, not me, and not the show, because it's time to head back to the warehouse!

 

Ryan and Mike, still in front of the armored SWAT team, are doing their bit in the "run around a dark building at night" thing, while Duncan, who also apparently has no sense of hearing, is yelling at Luis, asking "how much longer." Luis is standing over the printer, apparently doing that mysterious job that Carl insisted upon without ever actually saying what the hell the job was. Oh show. In every little thing, you are incompetent.

 

Duncan yells at Luis to "go faster". Dude. One, it's a print job. It goes as fast as it goes. Two, as Luis points out, the whole "shoot me" thing is really more of a dis-incentive. But this will quite quickly become a moot argument because tah-dah! Ryan and Mike have found their quarry! And neither Luis or Duncan hear a Goddamn thing! It's a riot, really: Duncan's standing there mouth breathing over Luis's snappy retort and neither of them clue in for a good five seconds that they're being surrounded by armed guys! Finally, a movement catches Luis's eye, he reacts, Duncan reacts to that, and we get this going.

 

Firefight with lots of muzzle flashes and luckily it's TV so nobody gets hit by friendly fire or ricochet; Luis wisely hits the floor and covers his head, Ryan, as is his wont, takes off after Duncan, lots of running around in and out of stacks of boxes and crap (I swear, the actors must get into their characters by having scientists run them through rat mazes); standard issue cat and mouse, and FUCK RYAN JUST GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST! 

 

Ryan's down! He lies there while Duncan, just mouth breathing to beat the band, slowly advances, grinning. But Duncan clearly has not seen a movie in the last thirty years because YES! RYAN POPS RIGHT UP LIKE A JACK IN THE BOX AND SHOOT THE HELL OUTTA HIM! YAAAAAY! That really was neat and a very cool little tribute to Kevin Bacon's Friday the Thirteenth past--it was nice of them to have him play the down but not out monster here.

 

Duncan falls back with a throatful of his own blood as Mike runs up, kicking his shotgun out of reach and covering him. Damn, the competence is just bobbing in and out like the target in a Whack A Mole game today!  Mike runs over and checks Ryan, who's a bit short of breath what with taking a bulletproof vest full of buckshot but otherwise none the worse for wear. Hell, for him this is actually light duty. Commercials! We inch ever closer to the HoYay!

 

I didn't realize it was possible to hate fictional people as much as I hate that dicksmack in the red shorts in that Sprint commercial.

 

Cityscape, then aftermath at the warehouse, with an EMT telling Ryan he really should go to the hospital, his ribs could be fractured, "and you need to get your pacemaker checked." Really? Are we seriously still pretending that's a thing? Next somebody'll run by in a raven mask or some shit. Ryan, naturally, shrugs off sound medical advice. He and Max really are family. The medic persists, saying "you're lucky! Three inches higher, you don't have a face!" Which is true as far as it goes, but really has nothing to do with going to the hospital. Ryan points out that she might want to work on her bedside manner. Medic is all "and YOU might wanna work on capturing somebody with useful information for ONCE" but heads off to collect her SAG card. 

 

Mike walks up with the wrapup of the wreckage of this week's plot. He says it looks like Duncan was forcing Luis to make one last passport before he killed him. He hands the presumed passport to Ryan but the camera doesn't let us see it. Ryan asks if this is their guy and Mike says he thinks it has to be. We all know what that means--yes, time to prove the last few hours of exhausting and horrifically dangerous police work was a waste of time! 

 

Ryan halts Luis, being led out by two extras, and shows him the paper, asking if "this was the guy" who hired him. Luis says he doesn't know, it was all done online and through email. So, Luis here never saw Carl and had absolutely no way of IDing him. The only danger to Carl was Luis's records, which he clearly could have hunted down by the simple expedient of following Luis to the warehouse, waiting until he left, and taking everything in the files! This entire murder brouhaha--releasing Duncan, killing the poker guys and Danielle, all this crap--was TOTALLY UNNECESSARY. Carl is a genius of a very rare order, I'll tell you what.

 

Ryan wearily asks if Luis had any copies of the emails and payments, and Luis wearily gestures to the erstwhile bonfire, saying yeah, right there. Good thing 

the guy who could actually describe Carl was the one who took three bullets to the chest, huh?

 

 Max is wandering the smoking remains of another murder suspect getaway when her phone rings. It's Ryan, setting up some last minute horseshit for next week. Max says the guy was there but got away (SOME-FUCKING-HOW), blah blah blah, and Ryan sends her a shot of the fake passport, asking if it's the guy she arrested as the hacker. Max looks at her phone--

 

And it is NOT a picture of Peter Collins, but CEO guy! Damn, Carl may make many an unnecessary detour but he switches frame job victims FAST. "No," says Max, looking sick, but I can't tell if it's because she thinks this is real or not, "It's Tucker. He runs the place." 

 

Tucker, unaware of how much more mightily his life is about to suck, is currently arriving home. Did nobody call him about his workplace being aswarm with murderers and bodies and hackers and suchlike? You'd think somebody would text him at least; hell, Carl gets texts from Manatech and he's only a temp! So, Tucker comes into his living room, turns on the light and boom, there's Carl sitting and waiting patiently. He really doesn't switch up what works.

 

Tucker jumps a mile, of course, but really doesn't seem as surprised/scared as you'd think, considering a guy's waiting for him in his dark house after the day he's had. "Hey boss," says Carl, "nice digs." Tucker incredulously asks how "Sam" (Carl's alias at work, I would assume) got in there. Carl is disappointed. "Really. That's the question you want to lead with? A man is sitting in your living room in the middle of the night holding a gun, and you wanna know my method of ingress?" Legit observation.

 

Tucker's nervous system belatedly starts firing, and he starts stuttering and dancing around and saying not to hurt him. "I'm sorry," sighs Carl, rising to his feet and walking deliberately after Tucker, "But that's kinda the whole plan." Shit. Nobody at Manatech's having a good day today. 

 

And neither are Mike and Ryan, despite having found and dispatched Duncan and located their latest quarry's passport connection in less then twenty four hours. Pirate Nick is still displeased! "Tucker's in the wind," he says, and goes on about how his car's gone, and Sloane says his laptop shows both passport templates and several emails to a public library in Akron, Ohio, proud home state of Kyle and Daisy.

 

Ryan and Mike don't buy this shit for one second, and for very good reason. One, if Tucker had a guy making passports for him, why the hell would he have templates on his computer? And fake emails started this entire ball of shit rolling--nobody thinks this is just a touch convenient? A computer genius just leaves this shit around on his laptop for the cops to find, when he knows he's being pursued?  Plus, one guy at Manatech was framed not ten hours ago! How could anybody begin to fall for this? 
 

Besides Nick? Because he's having no trouble buying the entire package, basically because it's super low hanging fruit. He goes on about how they've got hard evidence both physical and digital that Tucker's the guy (like that same evidence that got Peter arrested? Does everybody in this place have short term memory loss or what?) and it's Ryan's job to apprehend him on the double. Ryan argues, but Nick's missing eye glares forth: "The FBI operates on evidence, not intuition. So get on board with finding Tucker or I'll put somebody in charge who will." Having finished assassinating his character's common sense, memory and experience, Nick strides out, leaving Mike, Ryan and Sloane staring at each other all "well, fuck. That was even shittier then usual." 

 

Final song guitar chords play us into the next scene, with Carl entering his bedroom to find his beautiful, perfect family snuggled up asleep waiting for him. His gorgeous wife stirs and says hey, poppa bear, wanna join us? Awwww. This is right out of Goodnight Moon. If Goodnight Moon had been written by Lucifer while he had a hangover and a toothache. Carl snuggles in with his loved ones (everything else aside, Gorgeous Wife's eyebrows are A-MAY-ZING. Damn.) Ahhh, this makes everything worth it, you know? 

 

And here comes the scene that has made this Pu-Pu platter of suck worth it, so worth it; THE POOL HALL! 

 

Closeup of a cue hitting that white ball (Wikipedia is no help at all to me today) and cut to Ryan, waving said cue, tie undone, clearly in the middle of a "take this job and shove it" rant. "So Strauss's real student is out there killing with impunity," he says, throwing that cue around in a manner that makes me glad no extras are anywhere near him, "we're running around, hunting for a dead man! Does anybody believe me? No!" 

 

"How can they not believe you?" asks JOE, JOE, JOE JOE JOE JOOOOOOOE, full of Scotch and sympathy and matching Ryan gesture for gesture. "After all you've done for them? It's downright insulting!" Oh, you guys. YOU GUYS, this is so wonderful. So perfect and wonderful and I just want to give you all hugs and tender little kisses, I am so very very happy right now. Ryan and Joe continue to drunkenly commiserate/bond, staggering around and just throwing the love in big fluffy handfuls all over the joint.

 

"They clearly don't appreciate your talents and capabilities the way I do," slurs Joe, grabbing a big ol' glass bottle of booze and pouring Ryan a shot or four, which Ryan downs without hesitation. If nothing else about this tipped you off that this is the snuggliest dream sequence ever that should do it. "I believe in you, Ryan," continues Joe, all puppy dog eyes, and Ryan is so happy to hear that; "Do you?" 

 

"Of course," says Joe, getting to the earnest, 'listen, I love you man. No, seriously, I really love you' stage of the evening. "I will always be there for you, Ryan, " and if James Purefoy isn't doing anything and wants to marry me I'm sure my husband would understand. "I am your constant and your true north, and when everyone else has abandoned you, where will I be?"

 

"By my side," says Ryan, all squishy with love. GUYS, SERIOUSLY CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? "Ex-actly," drools Joe, and just to make it clear, he says "C'mere" and pulls Ryan into a big ol' snuggleboo hug I am so happy I could die right now! "To you and me against the world!" Joe declares, raising his glass. "Exactly," agrees Ryan, and they clink and should be going in for a giant smooch...!

 

Had Ryan not ruined everything by waking up at that precise moment, GODDAMMIT. He does the "eyes snap open bolt into a sitting position" thing, like we're supposed to think he feels upset or something, as we go into the ending card on a cloud of pink cotton candy and winged unicorns. 

 

Oh, you guys. This is our reward for slogging through this damn thing. Say what you will about The Following, it knows when to dish out a big ol' sloppy portion of shameless fan pandering, and  they delivered in spades. That pool hall scene was seriously the most fun I've had watching this train wreck all season long, and I hope they realize there's nowhere to go but Ryan and Joe in side by side honeymoon bathtubs on a deserted beach somewhere.

 

Okay, I'm off to snuggle my pillow and dream happy, Freudian-symbol laden dreams! See everybody next week!

 

Edited April 9, 2015 by Snookums

[sjohnson]

I appreciate the effort. But I do have to admit that I frequently disagree with your reviews of the commercials.

[Texasmom1970]

The servers go down all the time, and of course he goes alone. That is the horror movie equivalent of going to investigate a strange noise, dumbass. Max's stalker, angry boyfriend can get killed any time now please.

[sjohnson]

Ryan/Joe has climaxed, even if they didn't show the wet spot on Ryan's shorts. So all that's left is Mike's fate, which is why I've kept up.. At this point, I'm ready for Mark to kill Mike just to put me out of my misery.

[Dowel Jones]

I wonder if the writers/producers knew that there is an actual company called Mannatech, making vitamins, health food, and such in an Amway-style pyramid business. model. 

[seamusk]

This show is basically 24. Particularly the last few episodes. But can I tell you how much more enjoyable it is without the cult theme? I think it was the Joe aspect maybe, but that got old. Which is unfortunate because as an idea I think it was good. But the writers are going for 24, the cult show, and totally missed the potential for any aspect of realism from the get go.