Sleepy Hollow Quotes: "Farewell, Yolanda"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

If anyone has suggestions for a good thread subtitle, post them here!

 

From S2.E1:

 

Abby: "First among founders, Benjamin Franklin's impact on colonial America."

Crane: Impact? On the scores of strumpets he crushed beneath his girth, perhaps. The man was insufferable.

Abby: We are talking about Benjamin Franklin, the editor of the Declaration of Independence.

Crane: Blowhard, braggart, blatherskite, and gasbag. He had an insatiable need to prove he was the sharpest intellect in the room.
Abby: I can see how that would be hard for you.

 

Jenny: This is the only statue of Franklin in Sleepy Hollow.

Crane: Wait, there are more?

Jenny: All over the country, plus the Franklin Mint, the hundred dollar bill. It's all about the Benjamins.

Crane: Yes, it always was.

[Iboatedhere]

Crane: Is there no end to this birthday madness?

 

Crane: Aaand none of that recorded. Wonderful.

 

Crane: The moment I saw her, I knew the bravest love is born again with each new day. The kind of love that makes the mundane a marvel, that bewilders with its magnificence. Until fate's cruel hand intervened. And in the blink of an eye, Katrina was lost to me.

Yolanda: (Crying) I am so, so sorry.

Crane: I offer this tale, no matter how cruelly he may have treated you, to suggest that you do not give up. Nor give into anything less than certainty in matters of the heart.

Yolanda: No one's ever s-said it like that. Thank you.

Crane: It is I who should thank you, kind woman, for unlocking this vehicle from afar. And showing me how the entertainment system operates. Farewell, Yolanda.

Yolanda: Thank you for calling NorthStar Assistance.

[ChelseaNH]

Crane:  This day continues to bear gifts.

[HalcyonDays]

Crane: Open your eyes sir. Yes you! Basket face. I thought only horses slept standing up!!

 

Crane: How fortuitous. An officer of the law with a criminal past. Imagine the delinquency we could perpetrate if we really put our minds to it.

 

Crane: Excellent. This day continues to bear gifts. Will we be sharing a cell, Lieutenant?

 

Jenny: What's your name? Tall, dark and British?
Ichabod: My name is Ichabod Crane.
Jenny: Huh. What do your friends call you? Ichy?
Ichabod: Not if they wish to remain my friends.

 

Ichabod: An old flame of mine was a seamstress. She'd be well impressed.
Abbie: Who was your date, Betsy Ross?
Ichabod: How did you know that?

 

Crane: Not that the drive-thru wasn't impressive, and despite this establishment's nomenclature, this resembles no Scottish meal I've ever eaten.

 

Abbie: Have you ever heard of a boondoggle?
Ichabod: If it's another form of restrictive trouser, I'd rather not.

 

Abbie: Chopping down a Christmas tree?
Ichabod: An altogether nonsensical concept. Celebrating Yuletide with a titular display of lumber.
Abbie: Whoa. Bah, humbug to you, too, Ebenezer.

 

Crane: One sign of the impending apocalypse is surely skinny jeans.

[OakGoblinFly]

From The Midnight Ride (1:7)

Captain Frank Irving: I need to fill out a report. I need to call the governor.
Ichabod Crane: What are you going to tell him?
Captain Frank Irving: What do you think I'm going to tell him? The Headless Horseman is mowing down people to bring about the end of days? For further questions, please call Ichabod Crane, the man who beheaded him in 1781.

 

From Necromancer (1:8)

Captain Frank Irving: A dead guy, a mental patient, and a time traveler from the Revolution.
Lt. Abbie Mills: That's our team.

 

Ichabod Crane: He foresaw holding the worst type of demons that may walk the Earth. A product, no doubt, of his years trying to reason with the French. <-Talking about the cell designed by Thomas Jefferson

 

From The Indispensable Man (1:12)

Ichabod Crane (voice mail greeting): Good day. This is Captain Ichabod Crane, Esquire. If you'd be so kind as to please leave your name, rank and an address where I can reach, and I will return this correspondence in a timely manner. Now what do I press? Pound. Pound?

 

From This is War (2:1)
Ichabod Crane: Where to begin. My wife has been captured by the Horseman of Death and my son is the Horseman of War.

Ichabod Crane: Do we just stare at it? <-Talking about the candle in the birthday cupcake.

Edited September 24, 2014 by OakGoblinFly

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: These people entrust you with their fortune yet you cannot entrust them with a simple inkwell?

Bank guy: Could I interest you in our new Alterra credit card?

Crane: Credit? Without collateral?

Bank guy: So you can get that special someone in your life everything her heart desires. Perhaps an engagement ring?

Crane: Are you part of the wedding industry?

Bank guy: No, sir. I'm just here to offer you our lowest rates of the year. You can get a $5000 credit line, no fees.

Crane: It is this kind of gross invitation to indulgence that mocks the power of the invisible hand to foster the true wealth of nations, a boon to your industry, I'll grant, yet cementing your - it pains me now to say it, our - lot as an insolvent flock of debtors.

[OakGoblinFly]

From The Kindred (2:2)

 

Abbie Mills: It's nice to know that even a man from the 18th Century won't ask for directions.

 

Ichabod Crane: Thomas Jefferson once said banking establishments are more dangerous than a standing army.
Abbie Mills: Just stand in line and go with the flow.

Ichabod Crane: Two statements that are indeed complete opposite.

 

Abbie Mills: This is insane!

Ichabod Crane: So much of my life can be categorized under those auspices.

Edited September 30, 2014 by OakGoblinFly

[Trini]

 

If anyone has suggestions for a good thread subtitle, post them here!

 

"Farewell, Yolanda." -- Because even though I don't watch this show, I keep hearing about this scene. ::shrug::

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: Confounding. Henry Parish assumes the mantle of war and when he emerges it's not as a raging colossus but as an attorney.

 

[Crane spots two men in a restaurant]

Crane: Is that considered acceptable now?

Abbie: Oh, lots of attitudes have changed since your days. Not everyone's, but Supreme Court has upheld the Constitutional right of same sex couples and more and more states are even legalizing gay marriage.

Crane: I meant gentlemen wearing hats indoors. I know about homosexuals, thank you. I trained under Baron Von Steuben. His affections for his own sex were well known. Also I watched the finale of Glee.

 

Crane: Whilst no greater advocate of revolution ever shook the walls of Parliament than Sam Adams, the man on this bottle is Paul Revere. Surely your historical records show that Adams would never have rolled up his sleeves. He was far too aristocratic. Revere, on the other hand, was a Minuteman.

 

Reyes: Mr. Crane, I really do believe I was clear. Stay away from police work.

Crane: Sheriff Reyes, I have tried to cooperate but this country was founded by men who fought for nothing if not individual liberty, forged by the blood of men who refused to bow to a tyrant's will and as I stand in this public house of law and order, built to defend that very liberty, I declare I'm well within my rights to be here.

Reyes: Do you? Because I can't find any records you even exist. And as the person responsible for the safety and therefore liberty of this town, that's a problem.

Crane: Well, that's one that's easily solved. My identification is at home. I'll provide it when next we meet.

Reyes: You have 24 hours. Cheers!

 

Waitress: Hi, I just need to see some ID.

Crane: Then your needs will remain unmet. I have no identification nor indeed money to pay for my beer if I had. I fought a war for independence yet I have none.

 

[Hawley pulls out telescoping baton to break the church window]

Crane: Have you no respect?

Hawley: Have you no sense of time? You know of any glass cutters around here?

Priest: Welcome, how may I help you men?

Crane: I wish to confess.

Priest: How long has it been since your last confession?

Crane: Ooooh, it feels like centuries.

Priest: And what has led you here today?

Crane: So many things. Well, my son abhors me. My wife is living with another man. And I must confess to feeling a growing hatred in my heart. I've encountered a fellow whose arrogance is matched only by his annoyance. Now I'm aware the laws of the land forbid me from cutting him down but-

[sound of breaking glass]

Crane: Well, thank you for listening. That's much better!

 

Crane: Do you believe I should not have allowed [Katrina] to remain with the horseman?

Abbie: Allowed her? She's (1) a grown woman (2) a witch (3) a redhead. You couldn't have stopped her if you tried.

Edited October 7, 2014 by ElectricBoogaloo

[SnarkyTart]

"Farewell, Yolanda." -- Because even though I don't watch this show, I keep hearing about this scene. ::shrug::

That's perfect.  It gets my vote!

[OakGoblinFly]

From The Root of All Evil (2:3)

 

Ichabod Crane: What matters now more than ever is that you and I stay true. Trust is the only currency with any value.

[formerlyfreedom]

From S02.E04: Go Where I Send Thee

 

Abbie: Not so fast Ricky Bobby, I'm driving.

 

Hawley's nicknames for Crane: "Pride 'n Prejudice," and "Shakespeare."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I have faced many enemies on horseback, horsemen without heads, even discovered my own son is the apocalyptic horseman of war. Thus, how challenging must it be to guide the power of 300 horses using only one's right foot?

 

Abbie: That gauge right there doesn't lie.

Crane: The odomoter. Curse you, Franklin, for inventing such a traitorous device.

 

Crane: And now I can drive.

Abbie: That wasn't driving. That was unsafe operation of a vehicle without a license. I should arrest your ass for it.

 

Crane: I haven't had to do this much sneaking about since the second Continental Congress.

Abbie: Let me guess - this is when Betsy Ross had the hots for you.

Crane: That woman was relentless. Once Adams found me hiding in a broom closet. From her.

 

Abbie: You play the flute?

Crane: I'd like to see you trying to bring a cello onto the battlefield.

 

Abbie: Maybe we'll cut an album together when this is all done.

Crane: One achievement at a time, lieutenant.

 

Abbie: If you lose sight of me-

Crane: A gillygaupus like me? I can see for miles at my height.

Abbie: I say you retire that nickname right here and now.

 

Crane: Lieutenant, if you would perform the logging ceremony.

 

Henry: What is war but an instrument of justice?

 

Crane: Sadistic larceny! This is typical of the Italians. A gordy hillock of overheated milk atop a thimble's worth of coffee. And the cost! It's equal to three Tennessee stallions.

 

Guy: Nicholas Hawley?

Hawley: Only my mother and people with warrants call me that.

[marceline]

Irving to Henry: You are the Biblical Horseman of War. You didn't think that was relevant?

[OakGoblinFly]

Crane: Sadistic larceny! This is typical of the Italians. A gordy hillock of overheated milk atop a thimble's worth of coffee. And the cost! It's equal to three Tennessee stallions.

 

 

Followed by sip, small pause, and then Ichabod Crane saying, "I can see why this might be popular."

 

(Go Where I Send Thee 2:4)

Irving to Henry: You are the Biblical Horseman of War. You didn't think that was relevant?

 

 

The whole exchange was great (from Go Where I Send Thee 2:4) - Henry's response was particularly impactful.

 

Henry Parish: I've never lied to you, Captain.

Frank Irving: A lie of omission is still a lie. You are the biblical Horseman of War. You didn't think that was relevant?

Henry Parish: The signs were all there. You chose to look the other way. People usually do when it suits.

[topanga]

Abbie: We're all out of witches. How about a Witness?

Edited October 21, 2014 by topanga

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Caroline: I've never met anyone like you before, Ichabod. Your dedication to colonial reenactment is so impressive. You never break character.

Ichabod: Well, one might say it's a way of life.

 

Abbie: Just send her a text. That's the way it's done these days.

Ichabod: A missive composed by thumb cannot adequately convey emotion.

Abbie: Hence emoticons.

Ichabod: Yes, a grimacing lemon caricature. That should do the trick.

[mtlchick]

"...pretty obvious to everyone that she has Crane on the Brain."

[paulvdb]

Abby: "Local kids use this spot as a lovers' lane. It's the place where ..."

Ichabod: "Yes, we had them in my day. A route on which a young man and his betrothed would walk hand in hand. Closely followed by their parents of course to avoid impropriety."

Abby: "Something like that."

[OakGoblinFly]

From The Weeping Lady (2:5)

 

Ichabod Crane: Oh, look! She comes bearing a selection of delicacies from the Far East.
Abbie Mills: Commonly known as Yummy Food Schezuan.

 

Henry Parish: I relish any chance to cause my parents pain.

[topanga]

 

Abby: "Local kids use this spot as a lovers' lane. It's the place where ..."

Ichabod: "Yes, we had them in my day. A route on which a young man and his betrothed would walk hand in hand. Closely followed by their parents of course to avoid impropriety."

Abby: "Something like that."

And I loved the little side-eye that Abbie gave Ichabod when she said that

[paulvdb]

And of course Ichabod's statement seems inconsistent with the previous episode where he says that he watched Glee. Based on that he should know that teenagers these days do more than just hold hands. But maybe he said that just because he didn't need Abby to explain exactly what teenagers really do.

[topanga]

But on Glee, do the kids make out in cars?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I find yoga neither soothing nor relaxing, made more uncomfortable still by discussion of my double jug.

Abbie: For the record, "double jug" is much weirder than "buns."

Crane: Please refrain from further use of that word.

 

Crane: War does not permit us the luxury of dwelling on personal matters nor the downward facing of our dogs.

 

Crane: Superman is...Peter Parker? No, that's the arachnid fellow.

 

Crane: I've been researching modern wood-dwelling monsters - chupacabra, sasquatch, one smokey bear.

 

Abbie: Daniel Boone, as in the guy with the raccoon on his head.

Crane: How is it that the man who settled Kentucky is remembered by the modern world as "the guy with the raccoon on his head"?

Abbie: Probably because he wore a raccoon on his head.

Crane: Well, very rarely. Daniel much preferred beaver pelts.

 

Abbie: Nostalgia?

Crane: It is when a soldier loses the ability to see anything beyond the horrors of war.

Abbie: They call that post traumatic stress. I know. You guys have much better words for mental illness too.

 

Abbie: There's nothing in the kitchen, just some spoiled meat in the fridge and some ketchup and hamburger buns. Sorry, hamburger double jugs.

 

These unwinding activities, your yoga, your video games, they miss the purpose of relaxation. The grass does not try to grow. The water does not try to flow.

Abbie: Yeah, well, Lao Tzu never had to hunt down a windago.

 

Abbie: You said you had some ideas for a cure.

Hawley: That was before I knew Wendy Jo was your friend. Most of my cures were ways to kill it.

 

Crane: You are scurvy louse! You are a slop bucket! You are a pus sludge no good by blow pair of buns!

Abbie: Are you gaming online?

Crane: I'm not entirely sure. One thing I know is that my allies and I had just obliterated the largest horde of rabid zombies I'd ever encountered and then suddenly, out of nowhere, ChiefWiggum49 and Haloismybitch12 decided to frag me.

[Elsinore]

Abbie: Daniel Boone, as in the guy with the raccoon on his head.

Crane: How is it that the man who settled Kentucky is remembered by the modern world as "the guy with the raccoon on his head"?

Abbie: Probably because he wore a raccoon on his head.

Crane: Well, very rarely. Daniel much preferred beaver pelts.

 

 

The bolded was all in the delivery.

[apgold]

That one had me LOL - I love it when they have these absurd conversations.  I'd love to see the outtakes because how can they say those lines without cracking up?

 

I wonder if they put in the arachnid reference to foreshadow what happens to Katrina in the end.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I must internet - immediately! [sounds of dial up] Gawd, it sounds like a swine being strangled.

 

Abbie: They're a fricking evil club! Try 666!

[lock beeps open]

Crane: What a lack of imagination.

 

Crane: I may lack the proper identification to vote but what excuse to our fellow countrymen have? A voter turnout rate of only 40% nationwide. This is a disgrace.

Abbie: It's a midterm, Crane.

Crane: I fought through lines of British regiments for the right to vote yet our modern countrymen can barely form a line. Of course they're more than passionate to vote for American Idolatry.

Abbie: American Idol.

Crane: I know its name. I'm telling you what it should be called.

Abbie: So colonial America was the golden age because everyone voted in those days? Oh wait, black people couldn't vote. Neither could women so I would have been turned away at the door twice over.

Crane: Actually you don't own significant tracts of property so thrice.

Abbie: Well maybe I could afford property if I weren't paying all of your bills.

Crane: It is true. Our nation's historical lack of universal suffrage is among its greatest disgraces. But we have come a long way since.

Abbie: It took 180 years and two constitutional amendments for me to win this freedom. [enters voting booth] What do you think you're doing?

Crane: I thought I might observe you vote.

Abbie: It's illegal for two people to step into the booth.

Crane: Well at least take my recommendations. Proposition 3 on zoning laws is a travesty.

Poll worker: Shhhh! [points to "no campaigning at polling place" sign]

Crane: "No campainging at polling place." That's absurd. General Washington gave each voter a pint of beer at the ballot box.

Edited November 4, 2014 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Abby: You cannot tell a lie. Who are you?

Crane: Oooh, the little wooden puppet boy!

Abby: Pinocchio? Nope, guess again.

[Crane looks at his phone]

Crane: George Washington? He was our liar in chief.

 

Crane: I made torches. Fashioned my socks into batting, soaked them in pitch I dug from a new pine.

Abby: I brought flares. You just light them.

 

Abby: Don't tell me you're trying to take a selfie with a gorgon.

 

Abby: All those statues out there, the ones that came here and failed - what do we have that they didn't?

Crane: Each other.

[Sandman]

Hawley: Uh, Mrs. Crane...

Jenny: It's okay, she's a witch.

Hawley: ... Oh. [to Crane] Nice one!

Edited December 2, 2014 by Sandman

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I thought all produce organic by definition.

Abby: Except when it's genetically altered, artificially colored, packed with corn syrup or preservatives.

 

Orion: All there is is what is. You'll never be satisfied by my answers.

Abby: Not if you answer like that. How about dinosaurs? You ever see a dinosaur?

 

Mike the bartender: I got a 120 pound bull mastiff and an 8 pound maltipoo and they're just the best of friends.

 

Hawley: Those aren't exactly demon hunting shoes.

Jenny: That's sweet of you to notice. Next time, don't.

 

Hawley: Assag is a Sumerian rock demon. Legend has it he was so ugly he couldn't find a wife so he made it with mountains and begat baby rock demons.

 

Jenny: You don't know how to use it.

Hawley: Well, it's ancient Sumerian, Mills. Would you believe the manual got lost?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: How can one be both business and casual?

Grant: Maybe it's just the paint thinner talking.

Crane: Your friend Mrs. Adams was -

Katrina: A witch? No, just very opinionated.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: Oops. I did it again.

 

Crane: Perhaps I should have done the [song] about the bass, about the bass.

 

Crane: She turns the task into a leisure activity with a rather lively ditty, so she sings, she cleans, she travels by parasol.

Katrina: A modern witch specializing in housework. It hardly sounds progressive.

Crane: Oh, no, no. Miss Poppins seems quite fulfilled.

 

Crane: So Mr. Hawley was raised by a criminal who is also a monster.

 

Abbie: You enjoying yourself, Speed Racer?

Crane: It's my first time driving a car with real horse power. Can you blame me? Oh, and on the subject, is said power referring to a horse of Arabian, Turkman, or Barb breeding? There is a difference.

 

Crane: Mr. Hawley, when we first met I considered you nothing but a faithless privateer. But I have come to know you as a man of courage, a man of compassion, a man who fights for his friends.

Hawley: Maybe you had it right the first time.

 

Crane: I'll admit I was excited. I may have acted rashly.

Abbie: I'll be sure to put that on your tombstone. We're not going to die in Knox's vault, even if it goes all Star Wars trash compactor on us.

Crane: Star Wars? What did they use?

Abbie: They had a robot.

Edited January 27, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Amethyst]

Abbie: "Mudras.  The symbolic language of gesture in Hinduism and Buddhism.  Thank you, yoga class."
Ichabod: "I'm still not going back."

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: If Kent or the grimoire are near [Katrina]'s Spidey senses shall inform us.

Abbie: Someone's been catching up on his reading.

Crane: Only the classics.

Abbie: You know, you and Kent actually have a lot in common. Both men out of time, unwilling to give up on the women that you love.

Crane: How heartening to know you compare me to a murderous warlock.

 

Crane: Curb thy foul stench, unholy minion.

Abbie: You really need to work on your trash talk.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I had no idea that a man out of time was itself such a timeworn literary trope.

Abbie: Oh, sure. Doctor Who, Connecticut Yankee, Marty McFly. The list goes on.

Crane: Here I thought I was rather unique.

Abbie: Oh, don't worry. You're the only one in the non-fiction section.

 

Abbie: A witness always tips the bartender. We never fight a land war in Asia.

Crane: And we must refrain from spoiling the end of motion pictures. Thank you, Rosebud.

 

Jenny: Right. Cause everyone just has a head storage jar laying around.

 

Abbie: In our line of work, "improbable" means "not an accident."

 

Crane: My good man, could you direct me to the store quadrant where I might find flint and steel?

Employee: Uhhhh, is that a CD? Or cologne? Because we don't carry either.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Abbie: My name is Abigail Mills. Actually, Grace Abigail Mills.

Grace: We're related!

 

Technically not a quote, but still hilarious:

Iphone screen: Slide to unlock ->

[ichabod slides phone on the table]

 

[Crane finds Abbie's cell door open and his superior unconscious on the ground]

Crane: I'm here to rescue you.

 

[Crane introduces Abbie]

Benjamin Franklin: Bonjoooooouuuuur.

Edited February 24, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Ichabod: And I return to the question that echoes through my soul: is my destiny to be naught but a ceaseless traveler, inexorably slouching my way though this mortal coil? Can you hear me, Jesus?

Jesus: I hear you, C-Dawg. Don't got no answers, but as a wise man once said, it's a hard knock life for us.

Ichabod: The deeds of so many brave men and women, signposts of history, reminders of our hardship and the ultimate sacrifice - they've taken it and used it to decorate an eatery.

Abbie: They also have mini golf out back.

Host: Welcome to ye olde Colonial Times. Hath thou dinest with us before?

Ichabod: Why are you talking like that?

Host: It be how we spoketh in times of yore!

Ichabod: If you were wounded in the head perhaps.

[ichabod moves the host's hat]

Ichabod: The corner goes at the front. You're not a pirate!

Colonial times Restaurant menu:

All You can Eat for $17.76!

At the buffet:

Croissant the Delaware

Eggs Benedict Arnold

Loxington & Concord Bagel

Monticheddar Biscuits

Spaghetti & Musketballs

Battle of Burger

Minutemen Meatloaf

Paul Revere's Midnight Sides:

Mashed Potomac & Gravy

Veggie Forge

Freedom Fries

I Cannot Tell a Lie Cherry Pie

Jenny: I'm realizing something. I stole a lot of stuff. It's too bad supernatural relic hunter isn't something that looks good on a resume.

Ichabod: You sought gainful employment?

Jenny: Employment, yes. Gainful, not so much. Unless you count those office supplies I swiped during my week as a paralegal.

Ichabod: How did you persuade the self involved magistrates of immigration and customs enforcement to return my property?

Abbie: It's one of the perks of the job. I can also sic the IRS on someone if you want.

Ichabod: This is precisely the abuse of centralized federal power that Thomas Jefferson warned against.

Abbie: Do you want your stuff or not?

Ichabod: Yes, please.

Ichabod: I never would have believed that blueberry stout would work.

Edited October 4, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Trini]

That menu is hilarious, but this is America, so some some of those items are on a real menu Somewhere.   :-D

[Rosiejuliemom]

That menu is hilarious, but this is America, so some some of those items are on a real menu Somewhere.   :-D

I am cooking this entire menu for Thanksgiving. Possibly July 4th as well.

[slayer2]

"An apothecary...AN APOTHECARY!!! Another one!!!" Ichabod Crane

 

Killed me with his delivery!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Abbie: Here comes the Jefferson.

Crane: Quoth Jefferson!

 

Crane: What brings you to this abyss of red tape and apathy?

 

Crane: Thomas Jefferson would have railed against the coffee break until his dying breath.

 

Randall: You sure you're related to August Corbin?

Joe: Hey, you know I'm not the one handcuffed to a shower railing.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Abbie: Your citizenship test is at the end of the month.

Crane: Lieutenant, if I have not yet belabored the point, allow me to endeavor. I do not need to study history. I lived it.

Abbie: You know they're going to test you on events that happened after 1781.

Crane: They offer you four options for every query - multiple choice. It's practically a parlor game.

 

Crane: The historically accurate date is July the 2nd. I should know. I attended the second Continental Congress.

Abbie: I don't doubt it, Crane, but you're not being tested on what happened. You are being tested on what is in Civics Today.

Crane: So 'tis not disgraceful enough that I must implore to become a citizen of the country I in part founded. I must also learn by rote a compedium of solecisms masquerading as our nation's history.

 

Abbie: You know, you mainline a lot of sugar for a guy who won't get his teeth cleaned.

 

Crane: I'm adorable!

[bethy]

Abbie: Bejamin Franklin invented Sex on the Beach?

Ichabod: He called it Fondled in the Forest.

Abbie: Now you're just making things up.

Ichabod: You'll never know.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: All up in your faces.

 

Crane: Spare me these shoes. I look like an Italian circus performer.

 

Crane: Is it not obvious? I'm John Adams. The wisket! Brushed brocade and French buttons! It was his sartorial signature. I spent all night on this embroidery.

 

Brennan: Jefferson was brilliant. He also had the scientific knowledge of a contemporary fourth grader.

 

Abbie: You're not worried about [brennan and Booth]?

Crane: Hardly. Her skepticism's interminable. She dismissed Moloch as a tall man with a skin condition.

 

Crane: Timely assist. Thank you.

Abbie: Compliments later.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: I see we both walk the same internet paths.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: United States immigration may well be Dante's tenth circle of hell.

 

FBI director: Sorry to keep you waiting. The bakery accidentally put peanuts in the cake and two fights have broken out over who's better - Katy Perry or Taylor Swift.

 

Crane: Unhand me, you scoundrel!

Sophie: Funny words coming from a potential thief.

Crane: Do I look like a common thief stealing worms?

Sophie: No, you look like the bass player in some British rock band.

 

Joe: It is an Abby Crane special - one part history, one part magic, whole lotta crazy.

 

Abby: Make sure the carabiner's locked and the tether's tight.

Crane; You talk as if I've never climbed a mountain before.

[Julia]

Abbie: I can kill Yaoguai until the berserkers come home, but I can't protect my own family?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Sophie: First of all, I have a name. Second, it's rude to point.
Abby: And it's rude to interrupt.

 

Joe: How did that end up on the back?
Crane: A certain someone insisted on it. The most confounding of founding fathers.
Abby: His favorite - Ben Franklin.

 

Joe: Beer can make a guy do strange things.
Crane: From time immemorial.

 

Crane: Franklin's treatise was not, in fact, the definitive history of the eye of providence.That was written by fellow mason Paul Revere.
Joe: I'm still not used to the way you name drop.

 

Joe: So all we have is a working knowledge of Sumerian and a very depressing Masonic book?

 

Joe: Revere's mold was two halves of a sphere, right? Do you think you could sketch what he was forging?
Crane: Can i sketch it? I was painting oils while Gilbert S was still shredding snuff in Narragansett.
Abby: So that's a yes?

 

Crane: Often when love grips the heart, logic can abandon the mind.

 

Abby: It looked old, magical. You know - Crane-ish.

 

Crane: We have fought off horsemen, demons, witches.
Abby: Norse berserkers, whispering wraiths.
Crane: Zombie redcoats.
Abby: Evil scarecrows, gollum.
Crane: And we sent them packing. Handily.
Abby: Yeah, we did. This is our first god though.

 

Abby: This plan of ours is crazy.
Crane: Is that a question?

 

Abby: To wage war fearing loss is to give in to defeat.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Crane: Why are you following me?

Sophie: Who says I'm following you? Maybe I just like hanging out in creepy ruins.

 

McKenna: Jenny Mills. The last time you came to see me, I had to ice my face for a week.

 

Sophie: Still locked in on our international man of mystery?

Reynolds: What do you got?

Sophie: Same old. He looks through his books, walks in the woods, shouts at the sky.

Reynolds: Anything we can act on?

Sophie: Not unless you want to arrest him for crimes against fashion.

 

Sophie: I took this biology class in college. We learned about an experiment where they trained a bunch of dogs to bring back a toy duck. Only when they set them loose in a field, no duck. The scientists never put one out there. It wasn't long before the dogs got depressed, stopped eating, fought with each other. You see what I'm getting at?

Reynolds: That scientists are jerks?

 

Randall: Damn, Mills. No shame. I always liked that about you.

 

Jenny: I have to tell you something.

Corbin: It's okay. You don't have to-

Jenny: You are SO stupid.

Corbin: Whoa, okay. That's not where I thought you were going with that.

 

Crane: I believe if the lieutenant were here, she would urge us to kick some demon ass.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Jenny: According to accounts I dug up from the spiritualist movement of the 1850s, we need to take advantage of the planetary syzygy.

Crane: Syzygy, a word I used to win perhaps the finest round of Scrabble I ever played.

Joe: It's not English. It's a failed sneeze.

Crane: Triple word score. Haters gonna hate.

 

Joe: So this is a Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe kind of thing?

 

Sophie: I'm looking for Crane. Is he around?

Joe: Uhhhhh, yes and no. He's released his astral form on a journey to find Abbie.

 

Sophie: In the background of a crime scene photo, three gargoyles. Look at this [other picture]. There's a fourth right here.

Joe: Maybe they took one down. They are doing a renovation.

Sophie: I now live in a world where gargoyles might come alive. I figured Crane and Abbie might have dealt with something like this.

Jenny: Not that I can think of. But I can tell you what they'd do. Crane would head back to the archives. He'd pull a whole stack of books and learn everything he could about gargoyles.

Joe: Abbie would drink a ton of coffee and find some detail and Crane would do that thing with his hands: "I've seen this before, lieutenant."

Jenny: He'd think of a historic detail.

Joe: Not any history you think you know. It's be like "George Washington was a zombie."

Jenny: "Ben Franklin had a demon key to purgatory."

Sophie: And what? Jefferson was as hologram?

Jenny: He told you about that?