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Tara Ariano

S02.E08: Sex, Lies And Birthday Cake

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Freya and Frederick celebrate a milestone birthday; Tarkoff puts pressure on Frederick to get things done; Ingrid and Dash grow closer; Tommy gets a surprise from Wendy; Joanna faces one of her worst fears.

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Well damn, I really liked Dash and Ingrid together. Thought there was some real potential there. Guess that's over!

 

So Freddy's girlfriend is going to be the conduit for the grandfather ?

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Wow, a lot of people got laid at the same time tonight.

So Ingrid found out the truth about Dash too late, Freya got pumped and dumped, meanwhile Wendy is the only one who ultimately had a good night. I have no idea what happened with Freddie and what's-er-name because the end of the recording got cut off by the DVR.

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If you only missed the last minute or so, kariyaki, the episode left off on his starting to get busy with that knife.  Under Mom's roof.  Dude.

 

Considering Maggie Friedman and Richard Hatem wrote this episode, it was surprisingly good.  Kind of rug-pull-ish, but good.  Everybody got their freak on except Eva (who's old enough to have an old little girl of her own, and suddenly her story gets a tiny bit more interesting) and Joanna, and then blooey.  Ingrid finds out the real story of Dash's blackmailer (though while she wasn't entirely wrong to be outraged, the guy did try to shoot Dash), Dash digs his own hole deeper, and poor Killian--after finally finding out about the curse, and deciding to "screw fate" in the name of true love, falls back under his newlywed owl's spell.  Tommy is probably doomed as fuck now, since Wendy decided not to mindwipe him.  And Spike, er, Tarkoff...who if we take his statements at face value has apparently been pining for Joanna for centuries...is still working towards getting her dad a vessel on Earth.  Why do I have the feeling he's really in this to get him some witch of his own?

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Episode expletive check: two occurrences of "shit," one of "bullshit."

 

And now that you've mentioned it, Adam...

 

Frederick confronts Killian about what he "did back in Asgard." Huh! That's a twist I actually didn't see coming.

 

...that was indeed the first time anybody's alluded to either of the Gardiner boys being from Bizarro Asgard in the entire series.  Perhaps it was inevitable in hindsight (and contributes to the whole "fallen angel" vibe of, from appearances, all witches/warlocks either being cast out or escaping from BA to Earth), but still.

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The recap gave an "X" to "People Do Magic Right Out in the Open and No One Seems to Notice," but that actually did happen, in the Bent Elbow, when Killian did the trick with the flaming drink.

 

I'm still baffled by the whole Mandragora thing and how that was supposed to work, because if they need someone who "trusts" them why didn't they just use Ingrid's body for the host? She was already in their thrall. In fact I don't get why they needed the Mandragora in the first place if they can basically just do the body carvings themselves. Like the victims would be less frightened by the Mandragora than they would by Freddie or Tarkoff.

 

At least Freya knows Eva is a witch now, so hopefully it won't take her too long to figure out Killian is under a spell. Then again, it's Freya we're talking about, so who knows.

 

What I do know is that it annoys the crap out of me when they use "spell" as a verb. "You need to spell him." "He's been spelled." Uh, you should only use "spell" as a verb when it's a spelling bee. Cast a spell, hex someone, enchant them, but do not "spell" them, because then I expect you to go "K. I. L. L. I. A. N." (This bugged me on Secret Circle, too.)

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What I do know is that it annoys the crap out of me when they use "spell" as a verb. "You need to spell him." "He's been spelled." Uh, you should only use "spell" as a verb when it's a spelling bee. Cast a spell, hex someone, enchant them, but do not "spell" them, because then I expect you to go "K. I. L. L. I. A. N." (This bugged me on Secret Circle, too.)

 

This annoys me as much as when they would say "I am vampire" on True Blood. It makes the characters sound like kindergarteners who haven't learned proper grammar yet.

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The recap gave an "X" to "People Do Magic Right Out in the Open and No One Seems to Notice," but that actually did happen, in the Bent Elbow, when Killian did the trick with the flaming drink.

 

Fair. I thought the bar was still closed and only witches were present. In any event, it seemed like only Freya could see him do the trick and then they had a whole conversation about what a bummer it is to not be able to do magic out in the open, so I gave them a pass. Mostly I like how Wendy finally got caught with her, uh, pants down.

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There was a woman that walked by as Killian set the drink alight but I don't think she paid much attention.

 

Otherwise anyone else curious why King Asgard wants to go to Earth anyway ? Has he finished conquering the resistance after 4 centuries and wanting to colonise Earth or is he trying to eliminate any possible resistance by killing off the Moron Squad permanently. How annoying would it be to kill someone in Asgard for them to reincarnate later and have to rinse and repeat. Will Victor reincarnate in 10 years or something ? If the stupid brothers can why can't Victor ? 

 

Was anyone else confused as to why Frederick just stabbed Tarkoff and left his body lying around in the forest. Shouldn't he have been more interested in finishing the kill or at least disposing of the dead body. I do wish these people displayed some competence to explain why Tarkoff worried about discovery. 

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I'm trying to think if I'm slightly damaged by the sex montage.  It just felt so gratuitous (complete with thrusting!), and weirdly inappropriate to think of a bunch of family members all having sex at the same time (but not with each other!)  I would love to have seen the shooting script though, and be there for the table read, if only to hear one of the actors be like: "What does it mean there is a sex montage?" 
 

 

Was anyone else confused as to why Frederick just stabbed Tarkoff and left his body lying around in the forest. Shouldn't he have been more interested in finishing the kill or at least disposing of the dead body. I do wish these people displayed some competence to explain why Tarkoff worried about discovery.

 

I was thinking the same thing.  It made no sense for them to just leave the guy, but who knows with this show. 

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I have no idea what happened with Freddie and what's-er-name because the end of the recording got cut off by the DVR.

Same thing with me, that scene dragged on too. 

 

 

...that was indeed the first time anybody's alluded to either of the Gardiner boys being from Bizarro Asgard in the entire series.  Perhaps it was inevitable in hindsight (and contributes to the whole "fallen angel" vibe of, from appearances, all witches/warlocks either being cast out or escaping from BA to Earth), but still.

That's from the books, they're all from Asgard.

 

So Ingrid doesn’t want to call Freya from Dash’s phone, but she doesn’t have a problem sending her an email from Dash’s account?

 

I can’t believe I feel this way, but Spike needs to go. His character is boring me. In fact, the whole show is boring me. I feel like we're doing the same stories over & over with no resolve. How many times is Eva going to owl spell Killian?

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I sort of loved Wendy's story this episode.  She's delightful and her muggle boyfriend was sort of sweet... so, yeah, he's a goner.

 

I'm conflicted however,  about Ingrid and Dash.  I realize that him running around murdering people should legitimately be a deal breaker - yes, the one dude was going to shoot either Dash or Ingrid, but that fact is mitigated by the fact that he was blackmailing Dash because they both thought Dash accidentally "killed" his brother and then less accidentally shoved him out to sea - and the other murder was just murder.  And that isn't even counting Dash's flexible morality when deciding which of his patients will die.  All that said, I still like them together and they have a hundred times more appeal, murder and all, than their siblings.

So Ingrid doesn’t want to call Freya from Dash’s phone, but she doesn’t have a problem sending her an email from Dash’s account?

 

I can’t believe I feel this way, but Spike needs to go. His character is boring me. In fact, the whole show is boring me. I feel like we're doing the same stories over & over with no resolve. How many times is Eva going to owl spell Killian?

I assumed Ingrid planned to log in to her own internet account to send the e-mail.

 

As for Spikeoff, I'm done with his boring character and the stupid Asgard King story.  I like Freddy as a character and am constantly amused by his inappropriate chemistry with his sisters and aunt; but I cannot give a shit about anything he does when he's not with his family.

 

And here in my post is my weekly "I don't care about Killian" statement.  I can't even be bothered about him jerking Freya around because of course it isn't his fault because he's being endlessly magically rufied by his wife -  who, in a still shocking turn, is played by Bianca Lawson portraying a character who is actually older than she is. (And the magic rufies of course brings me back to my issues with this show's seemingly complete lack of awareness of the sexual consent issues surrounding half of this season's story lines.)

 

I just don't care about Killian in any context.  And I care less about Freya when she is in proximity to him or talks about him. On a brighter note, I did sort of enjoy him for a minute when I imagined the OwlWhitch's lurv potion turning his brain to jelly a'la Ginger on True Blood.  I also sort of enjoyed the 3 seconds of OwlWitch's (no, I will not learn her name) abuel-hija muttering about what a dipshit he is and how she was sick of cooking for his dull, useless ass (paraphrasing).

Edited by RachelKM
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The whole Killian/Eva thing was made slightly more interesting, to me, by the revelation that her grandmother (who we've never seen before) is actually her daughter. Before, I didn't really give a damn what she wanted with Killian or why she wanted his baby and considered it just a contrived plot device to keep Killian and Freya apart. Now, I'm kind of interested to know what's going on with her. So I'll give them a little credit for improving that.

 

On the other hand, I really don't see where they can go with Dash at this point, long-term. He's kind of crossed a line into super villainey there's no turning back from.

 

I wish Wendy would find a way to recharge her necklace and give herself a few more lives because it makes me nervous. She's easily the most watchable character on this show, and last week her ex told her he had used a little bit of her soul in each of his paintings. He also hinted he might be able to help her out with her necklace, so I'm thinking maybe some of her "soul" can be recovered from all these paintings he did of her.

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I am so confused.   I thought Killian and whatshername's house/shack was in Santo Domingo?     Is Killian flying in from the DR to NY for these bartending gigs?    Or did they just decorate a house in NY in the "Santo Domingo" fashion?    Where has the Grandmotherbaby been hiding?   Why doesn't Killian use Latisse?   His lack of eyelashes really bugs me.    

 

Ugh, Dash and Ingrid are so unsexy.   He looks like a fish, and she looks like his older,  spinster  Aunt. 

 

I really dislike Freddie's girlfriend for no good reason.     And notSpike.   And Kendra the Vampire Slayer.    I guess that's most of them.    I guess Freya and boobs is good? 

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Episode expletive check: two occurrences of "shit," one of "bullshit."

 

And now that you've mentioned it, Adam...

 

 

...that was indeed the first time anybody's alluded to either of the Gardiner boys being from Bizarro Asgard in the entire series.  Perhaps it was inevitable in hindsight (and contributes to the whole "fallen angel" vibe of, from appearances, all witches/warlocks either being cast out or escaping from BA to Earth), but still.

 

Didn't we all know that Killian and Dash were originally from Asgard (although maybe not their current lives). Their grandfather (when they showed him dating Ingrid) was talking about wanting to go back to Asgard (so their family is originally from there and I'm not sure but feel like maybe all witches were originally from Asgard). Also, in the very beginning of the series Freya kept having weird dreams/hallucinations of Killian and I believe I remember him saying that they have been together before (soulmates/previous lives) and so they probably were together before in Asgard as well. So basically we probably haven't seen all the previous lives before, and Killian (and his fam) were probably all born sometime or another in Asgard and that's how Fred knew him. 

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Didn't we all know that Killian and Dash were originally from Asgard (although maybe not their current lives). Their grandfather (when they showed him dating Ingrid) was talking about wanting to go back to Asgard (so their family is originally from there and I'm not sure but feel like maybe all witches were originally from Asgard). Also, in the very beginning of the series Freya kept having weird dreams/hallucinations of Killian and I believe I remember him saying that they have been together before (soulmates/previous lives) and so they probably were together before in Asgard as well. So basically we probably haven't seen all the previous lives before, and Killian (and his fam) were probably all born sometime or another in Asgard and that's how Fred knew him. 

Taking my thoughts to the mythology thread I decided we needed :)

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"You won't feel a thing" was hilarious. Frederick, way to lower your partner's expectations.

 

But then again Carolyn seemed ecstatic with the news, so what do I know...

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Finally, Killian is actually starting to have an impact on the show again. It's like his character was lying dormant this entire season, his gimmick with Eva is lasting far too long. It's a shame something that really should have only lasted a few episodes at max ended up taking a whole season. Really drowned Killian's character imo, hopefully he recovers from this.

 

The more I see of Dash, the more I think that he's not going to turn out to be a villain. His truth finally got exposed to Ingrid, but in his defense, it looked like he was going to tell her about it just prior to her finding it out herself. Looks like him and Ingrid have a lot of things to work out, but this relationship is most definitely not off the map just yet (I believe!)

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Well, since I have been pretty vocal of my support of the Ingrid and Dash pairing; I think they actually work on a real couple level and they actually seem happy together; as opposed to the "We're star-crossed and super hot with no discern able substance" that is Freya and Killian, so I hope this is true:

 

The more I see of Dash, the more I think that he's not going to turn out to be a villain. His truth finally got exposed to Ingrid, but in his defense, it looked like he was going to tell her about it just prior to her finding it out herself. Looks like him and Ingrid have a lot of things to work out, but this relationship is most definitely not off the map just yet (I believe!)

I still see no actual chemistry between Wendy and Tom, so the secret reveal followed by sexy times did nothing for me.

I still wish Victor hadn't been killed off, dumb move show.

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I'm trying to think if I'm slightly damaged by the sex montage.  It just felt so gratuitous (complete with thrusting!)

 

You're not alone. Lifetime must believe that's what the primarily female demographic wants to see...Killian's pelvis laboriously thrusting into Freya missionary style. Oh, and where did all those lit candles and mattress (or was it a giant white sheet) come from? I'm sure that elaborate set up would have taken time and also killed the mood.

 

I hate valuable screen time that could go towards character development or advancing the plot wasted on softcore porn. If I want to get my rocks off, I'll watch the real deal. This ep sucked because sex and romance eclipsed the supernatural element and family drama--what I tune in for.

 

As if I need reason to like Ingrid any less, she now jumps into bed not only with her sister's ex-fiancé who Freya explicitly told her she was not okay with her dating, but someone whom she knows to have meaningless one night stands with random women while courting her. WTF? Ingrid's an even bigger hoochie than alleged sexpot Freya for taking her sister's sloppy seconds. I suppose we can add class alongside common sense under the list of things Ingrid lacks.

 

And how silly was it to have all of Dash's incriminating evidence open and displayed on his laptop for Ingrid to conveniently come across? It's like this show doesn't even try sometimes.

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