S01.E06: Intimacy

[crazychicken]

If Cilona comes back we should ask him the specifics of how Vaughn and Monet were compatible in almost every way.

 

He has found another board that he posts on almost daily full of adoring mommies to stroke his ego. He seems to take it very personally if you think the show is in any way fake and his rabid attack mommies come out in full force to defend him after all he is an 'expert' so in  no way should he or the show be questioned.

 

I really wish that Monet and Vaughn would just part and be done with it, neither of them seem to be good together they might be the greatest people in the world apart but they certainly do not bring out the best in each other and FGS if you do not like each other stop jumping into bed together.

 

Jason and Courtney I think the pp is right he does not want to discuss his love life on camera, and Courtney does not want to bring it up and cause tension, they are just floating along in their little bubble and neither of them wants to break it and face the harder questions. I can not believe that they have not discussed birth control it is freakin important who wants to go on a reality marry a stranger and come away with a baby.

 

Doug and Jamie I cycle with these two, one day I think she is really trying to let him in and then somedays I think she is just holding out until the end.

[Waterlilly]

I believe Monet is trying to imitate friends of hers and the way they do things. To hear her talk you'd think she and Vaughn had been together for years, not weeks, hence her wanting to have a "girls night' when he just returned from Jersey.  She is NOT as independent and her "own person" as she'd like to pretend.  Everything she does seems inauthentic, as though she's trying to be someone else. This smacks of a woman who has no idea who she, herself, really is. 

In her defense, I think another reason she wanted to do the girls night while Vaughn was present was she'd like to show him off to the girls.  Of course, she'll never admit that.  Despite Monet telling Ms Expert that she and Vaughn are not in love, she obviously likes the way he looks.  And, admittedly, the man is handsome. But I keep coming back to that part of Monet who doesn't know herself, and tries to model herself after her friends, cousin, etc. etc., many of whom have been with the same guy for probably half their lives where it would be no big deal to have their girls over when their man is there, too.

[aradia22]

 

That's pretty close to how I feel as well & why I'm not warming up to Doug as quickly as others seem to be. I feel like he's playing the character of Doug more than himself.

Agreed. I've continued to be skeeved out by him pushing for intimacy when she was clearly uncomfortable and I do get the sense that he's playing a character, or at least a particular angle. Even now, he isn't pressuring her but he is complaining about... how shall I put this delicately... his physical needs.

 

Does Monet not realize this is going to be televised? Why would you tell the world you had to pee between two cars? And that this stranger you married was holding your hand while you did it?

 

It's talking & sharing & pulling dumb ass questions out of a fishbowl. Wow now I know why my relationships don't work. I don't have a fishbowl full of intimacy building questions & I haven't asked a guy to talk about his feeling a lot, in depth, over & over. I bet guys love that! If only if known. Thanks MaFS I'm signing up for every dating site I can find now because I know I'll find The One.

God, that's funny. I actually feel like a lot of my dates end up being weird interviews mainly because I go out with guys who put the burden for carrying on the conversation on me and for some reason that I have not been able to ascertain my dates generally last three to four hours. So yeah, at hour three the fishbowl doesn't sound like such a bad idea. The topics I tend to touch on with every guy are books, music, travel, movies, religion, politics, and animals. 

 

Thank God there was finally a little bit of counseling. 

 

The sex  questions posed to both of them by the blonde "expert" elicited a reaction from Jason that suggested he has old-fashioned notions about this type of personal probing.  As he told a friend back in episode one or two, guys shouldn't "kiss and tell."

I don't know if he's super traditional as much as a normal person who isn't willing to talk about all his feelings and reveal everything about himself and his life just because he's been cast on a reality show. People who are good at being on reality shows are a little weird. It's weird to discuss every thought and feeling you have. It's weird to describe everything you're doing or have done. It's weird to reveal a bunch of personal information because someone is prompting you to do so, especially when you know that whatever you say will be out there for public consumption. This isn't a real therapy session. Courtney and Jason didn't chose to go to a sexologist of their own free will. This lady just showed up with a bunch of cameras to ask them invasive questions. 

 

He has found another board that he posts on almost daily full of adoring mommies to stroke his ego. He seems to take it very personally if you think the show is in any way fake and his rabid attack mommies come out in full force to defend him after all he is an 'expert' so in  no way should he or the show be questioned.

OK, now I'm interested. 

[Waterlilly]

Sorry guys I'm fumbling around here trying to figure out my new surroundings kinda like our couples. I just wanted to agree about Monet maybe wanting to be like her friends and not really knowing herself. The same goes for Vaughn, I think they have an image of what they think they want but I don't think they are self aware enough to contribute to a relationship. I hope that made sense.

[MsPH]

I understand this show is different & Jamie may have changed, I hope she has, but after seeing her have sex with Chris on Bachelor Pad I find this whole thing pretty giggle worthy. Granted the sex was implied & not actually shown but she was willing to imply in a twin bed in a room full of folks & it's not like she'd dated Chris for years. Still I tend to like her for some reason.

 

To be fair to Jamie, I don't think they actually had sex. She only talked about them kissing and cuddling all night, which is what was shown, and according to Chris he was only kissing her to shut her up. Even though Chris is a player, I don't think he would've gone that far knowing how into him Jamie was, since he had no interest in her apart from thinking she's hot. That would just be stupid. She was definitely hurt when he switched to Sarah straight after, but she didn't make a huge deal out of it, which I think she would've had they done the deed. Perhaps Chris realised she wasn't gonna give it up during the show and that's why he moved on so fast.

 

With that said, I do find it a bit funny how on Twitter she's happily taking credit for setting a great standard for young women and whatnot by waiting until she's in love. She was throwing herself at two men she barely knew on TV just a couple of years ago. It's not like she's some shining beacon of chastity and ladylike behaviour. Though good for her if she's learned something from her mistakes. I do appreciate how real she's being.

[ketose]

I saw a video on Youtube where Jamie talks about wanting to get married and that she won't do it until she knows the guy really well. that, or maybe she gets a TV show out of it.

 

For those who were wondering, Logan Levkoff is in her late 30s.

http://www.hofstrachronicle.com/news/view.php/485511/The-scoop-on-sexologist-Logan-Levkoff

[Homegoddess]

Jamie Otis's audition for Dancing with the Stars. Take one.

[trimthatfat]

As for Jason and Cortney:  Jason always seems as though he is scared to death.  The sex  questions posed to both of them by the blonde "expert" elicited a reaction from Jason that suggested he has old-fashioned notions about this type of personal probing.  As he told a friend back in episode one or two, guys shouldn't "kiss and tell."  

Also,  Jason has a young way about him and looks frightened much of the time whereas i wonder if an event of cataclysmic proportion could stir Cortney from her calm, composed demeanor.  I really think Jason never expected to be chosen for this "experiment" and, while he is tickled to death to have found Cortney, he is still not sure what to do henceforth.

 

He just comes off like a deer in headlights. In the beginning, he appeared smitten, and now reality has sunken in and he's realizing he's married. He also realizes Courtney really likes him and it won't be that easy to walk away at the end of the experiment. I do hope they start having real, adult discussions. Everything about them seems superficial at this point.

 

I believe Monet is trying to imitate friends of hers and the way they do things. To hear her talk you'd think she and Vaughn had been together for years, not weeks, hence her wanting to have a "girls night' when he just returned from Jersey.  She is NOT as independent and her "own person" as she'd like to pretend.  Everything she does seems inauthentic, as though she's trying to be someone else. This smacks of a woman who has no idea who she, herself, really is.

 

I'm not getting this perception of Monet at all, but I also know nothing about her friends. What makes you think she's emulating her friends and their behavior? I also don't get the impression from what she says that she's acting like she's known Vaughn for years. Quite frankly, I think she had the girls' night the night he came home because she didn't care enough to schedule it another day. She can tell Vaughn doesn't like or respect her, and she's stuck with him for the rest of filming, so she probably figured, why not invite my girls over? Is that nice...eh. But Vaughn hasn't been nice so I don't blame Monet for now doing her own thing if that was her motivation. Anyways, Monet tweeted that there's more to that conversation/argument than we saw and that it will be shown next week, so I'd like to see that before assuming Monet is just an awful person.

Edited August 15, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Ohwell]

I don't think Monet is an awful person but I do think her "you're not a man" comment was below the belt.  He seems like a responsible adult and has served in the military, has a job and has a place of his own.  He might say some confusing and assholey things sometimes, but he is a  man.

[aradia22]

Right. I get her saying, you enlisted right out of high school and you've only been out of the service for a short while so I'm not sure how accustomed you are to civilian life and whether you're ready to make the commitment to a wife and family even though you feel like you should be ready at this point in your life. Phrasing it the way she did definitely felt like she was trying to attack him for what she perceived as rudeness on his part at dinner the other night.

[Ohwell]

Yes, and even the whole "you enlisted right out of high school and I'm not sure you're ready for wife and family" stuff she said made her sound rather condescending and even presumptuous.  She just looked so smug when she was sitting in the car saying that stuff, like she's got her life all together and he doesn't.  Plus, he's certainly not the first to marry soon after coming out of the military.  It's not like he lived in a cave and wasn't exposed to women, lol.  Maybe she has this attitude about him because she's a couple years older than he is.  Perhaps she should have specified that she wanted a partner her age or a few years older. 

[trimthatfat]

Yeah, I just don't have any sympathy for Vaughn. He said hurtful things to Monet, has acted like an asshole, and Monet snapped back. I agree that what she said wasn't nice, but I think she was hurt. I sincerely doubt that under normal circusmtances with a mature partner that she would have said that. So yeah, agree to disagree.

Edited August 16, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Tara Ariano]

Why did you go on a reality show wherein you marry someone you met an hour beforehand?

 

 

Jamie's experience from the reality shows she's been on before this is that the most important criterion for casting is looks. I think she was expecting a Bachelor-standard generic hunk type, but I guess all the ones who were in the pool for this thing took off when they found out what the premise of the show actually was.

 

The fight between Vaughn and Monet over her girls' night seemed very heavily edited to me, so while I don't want to give her the benefit of the doubt just because of the shade he threw at her for not cooking (and...her dog does seem annoying to me, and I have a dog) (and love him), I can imagine a scenario where she didn't necessarily know when he'd be back because when he's away they don't talk, BECAUSE THEY DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER. I don't want to say he set a trap for her so that he could come home and be pissed that she didn't clear the decks for his return, but I don't think that's impossible either.

 

As I said in my post, I wonder how many of Vaughn and Monet's problems are due to bad phrasing in the questionnaire, so that, for instance, "Do you want a very traditional marriage?" meant "I want him to make most or all of the household money" to her and "I want her to be a geisha" to him.

[Ohwell]

If Vaughn was going to set a trap for Monet, I don't know how he would have known that she was inviting her girlfriends over.  

[SistaLadybug]

The fight between Vaughn and Monet over her girls' night seemed very heavily edited to me, so while I don't want to give her the benefit of the doubt just because of the shade he threw at her for not cooking (and...her dog does seem annoying to me, and I have a dog) (and love him), I can imagine a scenario where she didn't necessarily know when he'd be back because when he's away they don't talk, BECAUSE THEY DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER. I don't want to say he set a trap for her so that he could come home and be pissed that she didn't clear the decks for his return, but I don't think that's impossible either.

 

 

 

If Vaughn was going to set a trap for Monet, I don't know how he would have known that she was inviting her girlfriends over.  

I don't think he'd have any way of knowing that she would have invited her friends over, in particular, but given that Monet is outgoing and social and seems to make her friends and family a large part of her life, Vaughn could guess, with great probability, that she would have plans.  I immediately thought that he set her up for failure.  I think it's what he's been doing all along.  She's too bubbly for him so she tries to be quiet but then he says she's not making an effort.  He goes away for a few days because he thinks they need time apart because she's too social ... then pops up without telling her enough in advance.  So she proves herself "too social".  I think he's a complete jerk and is going out of his way to make her look bad.  Monet looks nothing but confused all the time.  I don't think she has any idea what's going on.  She doesn't trust him and I think it's with good reason.

[Bella]

Vaughn is what we call "an eggshell person." You can't win with them.

[absolutelyido]

The fight between Vaughn and Monet over her girls' night seemed very heavily edited to me,

 

Everything seems heavily edited on this show, and it drives me nuts sometimes. In one scene, they will show one of the people in the scene making several comments, but in each comment they are wearing different clothes, so it's obvious the comments have been spliced together from different time periods and not necessarily what they thought at that time.

 

I've noticed it particularly with Jaime. There is one commentary scene where her wedding dress is in the background that I was sure was filmed after the wedding night, but then she made a comment on how great the honeymoon was so it had to be after that. There is also one with Jamie where she has her hair long & straight and in a pink top where she is a little weepy when talking about wanting a family. I'm pretty sure that was filmed before she even met Doug because she never mentions him specifically. They keep interjecting that narrative over various scenes, which makes it seem like she is talking about what she thought at that time, but I don't believe it is.

 

I get that they filmed many, many hours of the couples and only have 15 minutes or so to show each couple in an episode so each scene has to be highly edited. But I don't like how they seem to be slicing their comments together over different time periods and making it seem like it was what they thought at a particular moment in time.

Edited August 16, 2014 by absolutelyido

[seauxheaux]

Also, it could be that Vaughn actually did lke Monet's bubbliness but after seeing that they wouldn't be a good match and disliking her more and more, that could have been something that started to annoy him. I know when I really don't like people, everything they do pisses me off. I'd post more but everything I've thought of has already been said.

[trimthatfat]

Vaughn is what we call "an eggshell person." You can't win with them.

 

That's the perfect way to describe him. I am very curious about his previous relationships and why they didn't work out.

[Ohwell]

I am very curious about his previous relationships and why they didn't work out.

I suppose the same could be said about Monet and why her previous relationships didn't work out.  At least Vaughn did spend several years in the military, so he didn't have as much time or opportunity for dating.  

Edited August 17, 2014 by Ohwell

[trimthatfat]

I suppose the same could be said about Monet and why her previous relationships didn't work out.  At least Vaughn did spend several years in the military, so he didn't have as much time or opportunity for dating.  

 

I'm not interested in Monet's previous relationships, tbh. There are things that I see in Vaughn that make me assume a few things about his dating past, so I'm just curious to see if my perception is accurate, hence my interest in his previous relationships and why they didn't work out. I know a lot of military men - my husband is one - and several of them have had extensive romantic relationships with women in the military and outside of the military despite enlisting very early on (most around the 18/19 point). I'm sure Vaughn has had romantic relationships in his past.

Edited August 17, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Katmai]

 

At least Vaughn did spend several years in the military, so he didn't have as much time or opportunity for dating.

The single guys I know who have served, whether only state-side or overseas, had a great time getting to know the locals wherever they were stationed and never lacked for companionship. If anything, Vaughn's military service gave him a lot more opportunities to hook up.

[Ohwell]

The single guys I know who have served, whether only state-side or overseas, had a great time getting to know the locals wherever they were stationed and never lacked for companionship. If anything, Vaughn's military service gave him a lot more opportunities to hook up.

Oh, ok.  I haven't known many military guys, so I thought they were kind of restricted or just too busy as far as being able to date.  (Although I do remember dating a really cute Navy guy many years ago.) 

[ketose]

I've noticed it particularly with Jaime. There is one commentary scene where her wedding dress is in the background that I was sure was filmed after the wedding night, but then she made a comment on how great the honeymoon was so it had to be after that. There is also one with Jamie where she has her hair long & straight and in a pink top where she is a little weepy when talking about wanting a family. I'm pretty sure that was filmed before she even met Doug because she never mentions him specifically. They keep interjecting that narrative over various scenes, which makes it seem like she is talking about what she thought at that time, but I don't believe it is.

 

It also looks like all those shots of Jamie sitting on the stoop of her old trailer looking sad may be from tomorrow's episode even though we've seen them since episode one. It's already well known that all the commentary bits on a reality show are filmed hours after and productions tells them to talk about it in the present tense to keep it from sounding out of place.

 

[lolajl]

Vaugn seems to obsessed with having a particularly inventive sexual relationship, based on the odd comments he'd been throwing out.  Did that come out during the questioning and matching up stage? Or did not the "sex" experts pick up on that?  I think that is part of why that relationship doesn't seem to be working out.

[Ohwell]

I think you raise some good points because while the "experts" and Monet seem to be constantly harping on what great sexual chemistry they have, I haven't yet heard Vaughn say the same thing.  I believe he was joking about the threesomes, but he seems to be hinting at wanting a more adventurous sex life. 

[MissScarlett]

Vaugn and Monet seem to just detest eachother (except sexually).  It's stupid at this point for them to not have just walked away (although I figure they can't).  So they have the same arguments over again.  Vaugn is upset that Monet isn't a simpering helpmeet of a wife and Monet isn't happy that Vaugn isn't a modern man who will take care of her in a modern way, respecting her as a woman.  They really did a horrible job matching those two up. 

 

What I hate is the implication that Monet needs to change to make Vaugn happy when the real advice should be to cut and run.

 

And yet, on the very first episode, the experts mentioned that Monet and Vaughn were the *MOST* compatible of all of the couples.  Meaning whatever scientific methods were used, Monet and Vaughn got the highest matching score.  Though wouldn't it be funny if Monet and Vaughn were actually the least compatible match-up and they threw them in there to see how everything stacked up against the "most compatible"?  All the while telling them that they were scored as super compatible?

 

I think "complete dislike" is a mutual feeling here between Monet and Vaughn.  It's interesting how drastically the tone has changed for the worse for this couple.  I thought they had the best shot initially and everyone seemed so full of wonderment and smiles on the wedding day/night... and then every day since then (or every episode at least), things seem to get a little worse.  Personally, i'm waiting for Monet to start throwing things at Vaughn.  That would be awesome.  He's such an asshat most of the time.

Edited August 19, 2014 by MissScarlett

[ketose]

And yet, on the very first episode, the experts mentioned that Monet and Vaughn were the *MOST* compatible of all of the couples.  Meaning whatever scientific methods were used, Monet and Vaughn got the highest matching score.  Though wouldn't it be funny if Monet and Vaughn were actually the least compatible match-up and they threw them in there to see how everything stacked up against the "most compatible"?  All the while telling them that they were scored as super compatible?

I think Match.com actually did that. They made up matches that weren't really good matches just to see if people would pursue the relationship anyway.

[PityFree]

I think Match.com actually did that. They made up matches that weren't really good matches just to see if people would pursue the relationship anyway.

It was OK Cupid that did that. I remember it in the news!

[ketose]

Thanks, PityFree, I wasn't sure.

[SnarkKitty]

 

Why would you tell the world you had to pee between two cars?

 

This is why we can't have nice things.

[pbl53]

Vaughn had a choice to return to Manhattan every night during his reserve duty.  Don't you remember it was his decision to stay in Jersey rather than come home and be with Monet every night?  Vaughn constantly points out what Monet does wrong and what he thinks a marriage should be and accepts no responsibility himself.