S14.E13: Popping the Questions

[Retired at last]

8 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Sex isn’t everything .. it helps, but is not everything if you are married to a maniac, male or female in this case.

Have we had this many couples, presumably, not having had sex for this long? We know that Noi and Steve have and also Lindsey and Mark. We know that O and Katina and Michael and Jasmeana have not. And, of course, Chris and Alyssa didn't.  And I don't know if Mark and Lindsey have since the honeymoon after his deciding to slow things down. I am really glad that the couples didn't rush into an intimate relationship before they really knew each other, but I just don't remember this many couples not having done it.

And, do we know that Dr. V is really gone? Maybe she just came on for her sexy time episode and is still lurking in the background. 

[ECM1231]

1 hour ago, Retired at last said:

and Michael and Jasmeana have not.

Jasmeana? Is that a typo? Perfect! Lmbo😂

[thatsall]

23 hours ago, kristen111 said:

I don’t get this bad parenting that Lindsey and Mark have suffered with therefor having issues now with a partner.  Not everyone has loving parents.  I never got hugs and kisses or advice from my parents.  My Mother who worked full time just always told me “clean the house, iron the clothes, etc, etc.  Never a kind word.  Never said I looked nice.  I understood tho that she was tired of the grind everyday, and not having any fun.  She was overwhelmed, and I understood.  With my three kids, I hug and kiss them, tell them positive things, and are there for them all the time.  I had a strong mind and didn’t let it affect me, as I understood.  I don’t know Lindsey’s story or Marks about their parents, or if they were abused.  I don’t remember their stories, but it seems that they are blaming their parents for being screwed up.  Not every kid has loving parents, and they do o.k.

You're right, not everyone has loving parents. Unfortunately, those people who do not are emotionally scarred, whether or not the rest of us see evidence of it. A child's brain needs to sense bonding and acceptance from parent figures to develop optimally; when that doesn't happen --  even when those people appear to "do o.k." -- and when those people don't work it out in therapy, they often end up working it out in their other relationships. It seems MAFS gives us a window into that world. I'm glad for your kids that you've parented differently. 

[Yeah No]

21 hours ago, endure said:

If i were Steve honestly I wouldn’t be sharing a lot with Noi either because she is not even planning to be living with him after and she will go on social media and say whatever. I think Steve is probably a fairly private person, and is not about to reveal his finances or long term career goals on a reality TV show. I can totally respect that and  it’s not like he is some low life sponging off her.  She needs find a different guy and he def will be better off and happier without her.  I hope they don’t stay together.

I just said the same thing about Steve in another thread.  I can understand not wanting to talk about that stuff on a TV show but he should tell her privately.  I can also understand that he might be afraid she'd blab about it on social media but so far she's only been guilty of making veiled and snarky side swipes about the state of her feelings about the relationship.  If he's that mistrustful of her he shouldn't be planning a future and having children with her either.

[lh25]

Olajuwon really thinks he is better than any woman out there.  Dissing Dr. Pepper, talking about how he needed to correct her.  And talking about his wife like she is a child he is raising.  And I'm over the guys who talk about being "traditional" and all.  Meaning the woman is supposed to cook and clean and all that.  But are also OK with her working and bringing in money.  If you want a 50's housewife, better earn enough to support you both.

LOVED watching him when Dr. Pepper walked out at the end there.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Remember that “fun-loving” Noi, dancing on the rooftop in her wig? Having a “crazy” alter ego? Yeah, I never bought it. And someone who goes onto social media to let the world know what her emo-feelings are? Just stop. Please!! Is this junior high school? I don’t really like Steve, but he can do so much better.

Olajuwon is a douchebag of the first order. He oozes narcissism, which I abhor. He needs to shut the fuck up, once and for all. He never stops talking because then he’d have to listen. Can someone please write him a Ritalin prescription for his obvious ADHD.

When Lindsey goes on and on about “consistency, “ I wish someone would ask her for some examples that make sense. She points to him being sexual with her and then pulls away, but that isn’t a fair example because something ELSE CAUSED him to act like that. I want to know the cause, not the symptom. 

On a shallow(er) note, Noi should visit a dermatologist and get some help with her complexion. Yikes.

Spoiler

Next week: Lindsey launches herself out of a moving vehicle. Because there was no shark in the vicinity to jump.

More Mr. Feeney, less stupid couples!

Edited April 9, 2022 by Auntie Anxiety

[kristen111]

On 4/6/2022 at 11:33 PM, Yeah No said:

It looked like Pepper saw through him when she confronted him about talking down to Katina, but later in the episode backed down.  At first I thought, "good, he's going to have to admit something" but no, he just gave his usual BS and got out of it.  Everyone backs down to him eventually.  "Oh, he doesn't know how he's coming off but he means well".....Seriously?  Are they afraid of him or something?  It's ridiculous.

Everyone sees through Oj, except Katina.  Either she’s afraid to lose him and start over looking for another guy, or she wants to stay and be mum.  I can’t understand why a sweet beautiful girl would want to stay with a dictator.  These experts saw he was aggressive, but still paired them for drama.  What do they care?  They are there for show, money and nothing else.  Shame on them.

[kristen111]

Down the line.

1.  Jasmina is a pill.  She’s above him and talks to him like a teacher.

2.  Oj is a maniac and a tyrant.

3.  Steve has no job.

4.  Alyssa was a spoiled child in a woman’s body.

5.  Lindsey and Mark have parent issues disrupting their marriage.

      WTF ?   These are the people they pick out of hundreds?

 

[Kiss my mutt]

If Olajuwon is a step up from how her other partners treated her, I can’t even imagine how bad that had to be because he’s despicable. 

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, kristen111 said:

I can’t understand why a sweet beautiful girl would want to stay with a dictator.

 

3 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

If Olajuwon is a step up from how her other partners treated her, I can’t even imagine how bad that had to be because he’s despicable. 

The only thing I can think of is that maybe her other boyfriends didn't have good steady jobs with benefits and own their own home.  Plus Olaj might have some savings, too.  Her other BFs may not have had all that.  Olaj must look to her like he's got his act together and is super responsible by comparison.  Plus of course he compliments her in ways maybe she has not experienced before.  I think all of that is blinding her to his horrible personality and how he treats her.  But I predict that could only last so long.  One day she'll wake up and realize it and then the sparks will fly.  I think she's a little immature herself or else she would never think she was going to make a go of it with him.  The job and the house aren't worth what she'd have to endure from him.

[Retired at last]

On 4/8/2022 at 5:42 PM, ECM1231 said:

Jasmeana? Is that a typo? Perfect! Lmbo😂

No typo. I saw it on another board, and I agree, it is perfect!

[nutella fitzgerald]

I hope this episode convinced the “experts” of what I have thought all season: Boston, like Atlanta, is a city comprised of unmatchables. If MAFS returns to either of these cities, it should be for some kind of study on people who are completely awful but believe themselves to be relationship material, because there is a vast population of them from which to draw samples.
 

NB: Atlanta’s all time MAFS success rate is 12.5%. Shawniece and Jephte’s baby is the only thing keeping Beantown from joining Houston and Miami at the bottom with their goose eggs, because lord knows their relationship isn’t strong enough for that. 

[Porkchop]

Food for thought:

 

[nutella fitzgerald]

3 hours ago, Porkchop said:

Food for thought:

 

Even his business was homeless.

[Yeah No]

16 minutes ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Even his business was homeless.

You know, I just have to say this.  I know some people think Steve is a really great guy, but he reminds me of some software developers I've worked with that I didn't like very much.  Maybe that's unfair of me and the show is making him look worse than he is, but somehow I doubt that I'd really like him very much if I got to know him.  He seems like one of those pompous types that thinks he knows better about everything than anyone else and attempts in a very subtle way to force his way in every situation and holds back from being honest and open with people as a form of control.  I don't find him to be a very warm person either.  Just my take.

[kikicat]

On 4/7/2022 at 1:58 PM, Kira53 said:

(She )Dr. Pepper, should have been direct - “I saw you......” and “You said ......”. He heard it as though people were gossiping about him rather than this is a fact. I don’t know why she wimped out like that, but it was very unhelpful. Olajuwon needs to be directly confronted with his behavior for him to even look at it!  He heard it as though people were gossiping about him rather than this is a fact.  I’d love to see the experts say things like, "let’s go to the videotape." Lindsay needs the same treatment - direct confrontation of what she said and what she did, in the order that she did, it so that she could possibly see that she is in control of how Mark is reacting.  what she thinks is inconsistent because Lindsey is inconsistent and mean and nasty as hell.

Yes, yes, yes to this entire post. "Go to the videotape" would be perfect. I always wonder how these people feel when they see themselves on TV. Ashamed, cringing, horrified? Proud? Smug? Justified? Going by the starry-eyed smiling faces when they watch clips of themselves on a big screen in the follow-up episodes, it seems like their ego loves it all, the good and the bad. Not just MAFS, but The Bachelor, etc. But I guess you wouldn't sign up for these shows if you didn't want the attention.

[Lindz]

WHY must O say he's, "not in love." So unnecessary & unhelpful. Say something positive & productive! It's like a prize he's withholding to take Kat down a notch & make her feel insecure. So gross.

[Lindz]

Yay bids! Gottman for the win! They really should've gone into them & the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, especially with Lindsey since she pretty much demonstrates all of them. It was sad to see how desperate she was for connection to Mark after the game. Like she was about to sit in his chair with him. What is Mark thinking publicly rejecting his wife like that? That's so hurtful & embarrassing. That should seal it right there that the marriage is over that he refused to try to comfort her & rejected her like that. Lindsey should accept what she believes, that he's out, & move on. His actions have shown her he is.

[Lindz]

Stupid, childish Noi. She acted like she'd shape up with PC only to switch up with her husband. Like, it's a boundary she said she'd respect only to turn around and violate? So she's a liar too? Ya. That spells success. 😒 Steve should've asked her how she'd like him to do that? When PC says, "Marriage ain't for punks," he's talking about Noi. She's too scared to discuss it with her husband? GTFOH!!! How does posting help her marriage when it bothers him? She told her brother she'd be fine if he had a part-time job, but told Steve she wanted him to have a full-time job? Huh? That plan wasn't much of a plan & her saying she wanted a kid in a year sounded so out of touch, like it's a take-out order. 😒😒 That would've been a great time to ask how that would work with them living separately. 😂😂

[Allison1]

I do have to give a point to Steve for how calmly he handled the "baby in a year" announcement.  And I think he surprised Noi.

Once they legally marry these "contestants" I guess there is only so much the 'experts' can do but I want them to rescue Katina before it's too late!  

 

 

 

[Ilovepie]

On 4/9/2022 at 5:21 PM, kristen111 said:

Down the line.

1.  Jasmina is a pill.  She’s above him and talks to him like a teacher.

2.  Oj is a maniac and a tyrant.

3.  Steve has no job.

4.  Alyssa was a spoiled child in a woman’s body.

5.  Lindsey and Mark have parent issues disrupting their marriage.

      WTF ?   These are the people they pick out of hundreds?

 

I would have loved to see O and Jasmina paired - can you imagine him speaking to her the way he does with Katina? I would love for her to let him have it with her teacher voice that she doesn't like his tone and she will not tolerate him speaking to her in that manner.  Can you image the look she would give if he had the nerve to tell her she isn't meeting his wife level?

[Crashcourse]

33 minutes ago, Ilovepie said:

I would have loved to see O and Jasmina paired - can you imagine him speaking to her the way he does with Katina? I would love for her to let him have it with her teacher voice that she doesn't like his tone and she will not tolerate him speaking to her in that manner.  Can you image the look she would give if he had the nerve to tell her she isn't meeting his wife level?

I remember Jasmina with that big knife when she was cutting vegetables.  She would scare the shit out of Olajuwon.  😆

[Lindz]

Time for the good 'ol "unanswered questions" episode which used to be the sham "recommitment" episode. It's so bizarre that they wait til almost 6 weeks in to ask questions they've had for weeks and the "experts" tell them what to ask. They should be there to observe the couples discuss their questions. I didn't like their chats. They seemed unproductive & just touched on what we already know. They didn't seem to give them enough to progress their relationships & resolve their issues. The "experts" watching all of them talking after the game was close to that & pretty funny. How do they not know how to play volleyball? Didn't they take gym in high school? 😅 Michael's questions were dumb. He needs to stop asking if they have enough time & actually use the time they have. It's clear just about all of the spouses are not safe spaces for the other. I'd say Kat, Steve, & maybe Michael are the only ones that accept their spouses & are a safe space for the other.

[Lindz]

I can't believe Kat said that "term" to PC & I'm annoyed he's still pushing sex. Let them wait! If they're not ready, they're not ready! O's outburst should definitely be a setback, understandably. O is a fool & fragile one at that. WHY did he get so defensive so quick like that? He said what she claimed, but he didn't want to own it & said she was trying to make him look like the "bad" guy. He got upset because she called him out when he should be upset with himself. DP should've asked him why he's being defensive & deflecting. If she only said positive stuff, she wouldn't be helping their marriage. They need to fix the issues. All he had to do was own & say how he's improved or will do better. He needs to tone it down. It was funny watching him talk all that smack only to have the "experts" appear right after. Arrogant, fragile, close-minded punk. She didn't say he belittled Kat & made himself seem superior so why did he interpret it that way? Yet his approach was to talk about we he didn't like, but he couldn't handle being on the receiving end. Funny. 🤔😂

Edited April 12, 2022 by Lindz

[LuvMyShows]

On 4/8/2022 at 6:46 PM, Retired at last said:

Have we had this many couples, presumably, not having had sex for this long? We know that Noi and Steve have and also Lindsey and Mark. We know that O and Katina and Michael and Jasmeana have not.

Katina was really onto something when she told Pastor Cal that she wasn't having sex yet because she didn't want to get "dick dizzy" (they bleeped out the "dick" part).  In a real relationship, when you already know something about the person before you are married to them, you have at least some sense of who they are as a person and how they function in the world.  But in MAFS world, you don't, and the last thing you need if you aren't sure yet about the other person, is to have the stimulation from the dopamine released during sex and therefore the confusion as to whether the overall positive feeling is just the dopamine or actually related to good things about the other person.

On 4/10/2022 at 11:57 PM, kikicat said:

Yes, yes, yes to this entire post. "Go to the videotape" would be perfect. I always wonder how these people feel when they see themselves on TV. Ashamed, cringing, horrified? Proud? Smug? Justified? 

I've mentioned it before, but I continue holding out hope that there will be some positive effect on the ones who misbehaved, due to the fact that (female) Sam (from Sam and Neil) was horrified at her behavior when she watched the season and made changes accordingly.

[Lindz]

These people look ridiculous, especially Jas. It's like they don't want to really know their spouse. They're just floating along on a superficial level. She said she can't be married to a stranger, so what is she doing to find out who he is & what made him that way? Is she sitting back waiting for him to initiate those talks? Does she see how she's made it difficult for him to even talk to her about the simplest things? GTFOH! Same with Kat & O. They judge their spouses actions, but don't dig deeper to find out why they do what they do. They don't want or care to understand & they don't want to be understood & that's not compatible with relationships.

[Kira53]

20 hours ago, Lindz said:

These people look ridiculous, especially Jas. It's like they don't want to really know their spouse. They're just floating along on a superficial level. She said she can't be married to a stranger, so what is she doing to find out who he is & what made him that way? Is she sitting back waiting for him to initiate those talks? Does she see how she's made it difficult for him to even talk to her about the simplest things? GTFOH! Same with Kat & O. They judge their spouses actions, but don't dig deeper to find out why they do what they do. They don't want or care to understand & they don't want to be understood & that's not compatible with relationships.

You know that this is edited, right?  We see 20 minutes of a week?  We see what the producers want us to see.  Deep conversations are probably not that fascinating so we don't see those.  We also don't see conversations when the cameras are off.  We see the drama.  Production set Mike up to go back to his childhood traumas we don't see anything about Jasmina with the medium because the storyline is about Mike's traumas.  Thus we haven't heard anything about Jamina at all.   We see about 20 minutes of their week.  The Couples Retreat is to create content for the storyline that they are sticking to.  I don't like Jasmina but I'm sure she had had a few more conversations in-depth but we will never see those.

Edited April 14, 2022 by Kira53

[Kira53]

On 4/7/2022 at 10:29 PM, kristen111 said:

I don’t get this bad parenting that Lindsey and Mark have suffered with therefor having issues now with a partner.  Not everyone has loving parents.  I never got hugs and kisses or advice from my parents.  My Mother who worked full time just always told me “clean the house, iron the clothes, etc, etc.  Never a kind word.  Never said I looked nice.  I understood tho that she was tired of the grind everyday, and not having any fun.  She was overwhelmed, and I understood.  With my three kids, I hug and kiss them, tell them positive things, and are there for them all the time.  I had a strong mind and didn’t let it affect me, as I understood.  I don’t know Lindsey’s story or Marks about their parents, or if they were abused.  I don’t remember their stories, but it seems that they are blaming their parents for being screwed up.  Not every kid has loving parents, and they do o.k.

I'm sure that Lyndsey is the abuser in her current relationship with her mother.  We see how she distorts things and makes her the victim in everything.

On 4/8/2022 at 9:05 AM, cardigirl said:

However, it's been said by many that this show doesn't seem to use the counselors early enough or often enough. 

They don't get counseling on the show.  They get questions to stir the same shit up in the storylines.  They, the "experts", aren't trying to help these couples.  P Cal pushing Olajuwon and Katina to have sex when they want to create a connection outside the bedroom first!  That's not helpful.  Help Olajuwon learn to talk to Katina and learn to listen.   Take him to the video tape.

 

[Retired at last]

In an article/interview with Dr. V, she said that counseling is available to anyone who asks for it, during or after the show. I am guessing that it is because Lifetime doesn't want to be sued or held liable. She said they can't make them take advantage of it, and that the "experts" meet with the participants at least 5 times per season. She didn't specify if that was 5 times across all three experts, or if each expert sees them 5 times.

[Lindz]

DP actually said something useful, "You're not the problem. I'm not the problem. The problem is the problem & we're here together to fix it." All the couples should've heard that and should apply it. It'd help a lot of them.