S01.E01: Big, Buff, and Incarcerated

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Haley drops $25,000 on an inmate; Indie's psychic's shocking advice; Gabby's funded by felon fiancé.

Original air date 2022.01.07

Preview:

 

[Andyourlittledog2]

I'm just speechless. So. Much. Stupid. I will never understand or cease to be rageful at the women on the outside who go out of their way to bring convicts into their children's lives. Drug dealers, fraudsters, aggravated robbery and kidnapping (!)... What's not to love, right? Such good men to build a lasting foundation with, perfect stepfather material.

Tai and her vision board. 37 with three kids and she's juggling a dozen or so inmates convicted of drug trafficking etc and she thinks only of herself. Her kids don't even factor into this sick game she is playing. And she already has a longstanding relationship with an inmate in prison for forty years who thinks she's loyal. If any of these guys (or that guy) finds out she is playing them she could find herself or her kids in danger from a jealous psycho who considers women possessions.  I can't stand her. Her poor children.

These women all seem so juvenile.

[Nuccganggang]

is it just me, or is harry actually kinda hot??!? actually, not kinda, he IS hot 😍 

i laughed out loud when i saw “Tai, 37, Mortician” 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Nuccganggang

[Nuccganggang]

i’m very curious to know how 24 year old max affords that townhouse. they say he’s in DC, but they showed the marine corp memorial at the beginning of his segment, which is actually right outside DC, in arlington VA. that part of DC/arlington is insanely expensive to live in. i bet his house is worth at least $800k. rich family? high class escort? 

[Pepper Mostly]

41 minutes ago, Nuccganggang said:

is it just me, or is harry actually kinda hot??!? actually, not kinda, he IS hot 😍 

i laughed out loud when i saw “Tai, 37, Mortician” 

Harry is very cute, not gonna lie. 

I wonder who will want Tai preparing their loved one for interment after this.

[renatae]

Well, folks, we're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.

Tai and her 8 plus inmates. What a charmer! She deserves everything she gets. A delusional drug dealer/wannabe rapper, another drug dealer whose charm is over the top and sends photos of himself in the bathroom saluting her with his third finger. Both with captivating expressions of sullen boredom. People, it doesn't get better than this!

🍿🍿🍿

A three-bagger spectacular!

[sempervivum]

I laughed when Tai declared she looks for 'big, buff' inmates, then the visuals show 'Hottie' as 5'6". In fact all the inmates except Gabby's guy (don't know his name yet) seemed to be shortish. 

I'd love to know if 'mortician' means 'puts makeup on the corpse' or an actual funeral director? Because I can't see how Tai would have time to run a business around her busy schedule of sending money to inmates and having screeching phone confrontations with them and their other girlfriends.

Max is weird-looking, right? But I've never been a fan of the super-ripped body type. Also, given his hilarious vanity, I wonder if he'll be mortified to realize his incipient bald spot made an appearance during the show? Odd that he would choose an older-looking inmate; it seems like he'd go for a Nicole-type nymphet.

Disappointed Faux Harley Quinn doesn't have one white eyebrow. Also disappointed she has a kid😟

Ditto idiot Indie, who's another in a long line of older women (almost 30) with kids who expect a young (23) long-incarcerated (4 years) guy to morph into her white knight. We already have Lacey, thanks.  Looking forward to Bounty Hunter Mom in action, though!

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, Nuccganggang said:

is it just me, or is harry actually kinda hot??!? actually, not kinda, he IS hot

He is. He has great hair. His beloved is … kind of dumb. Love her family though - those game nights look fun!

What kind of therapist refers you to a psychic? A quack.

I’m not sure if Haley’s affect is due to her car accident, but she seems … slow. Childlike. And maybe a little like she’s pining over the cool guy from middle school.

Tai is a whole mess with her Homeland convict boards. This show is FULL of fuckery. 

1 minute ago, sempervivum said:

Also, given his hilarious vanity, I wonder if he'll be mortified to realize his incipient bald spot made an appearance during the show? Odd that he would choose an older-looking inmate;

I noticed the bald spot too. I don’t think he’s good-looking. I didn’t see her age - is she actually older or is that meth? Meth face stays with you - IMO Fergie still has it and she’s been clean for ages AND has the wealth to erase it.

[JenE4]

“Because I’ve been cheated on in the past, I like being in a relationship where I know where the person is at all times.” That sounds healthy! This fixation on control and “ownership” is exactly why all of these relationships implode as soon as the parolee wants to venture outside of the home without their new warden, erm, partner.

Haley never wanted the Cinderella wedding. Well, it’s obvious you’re a Cruella DeVille girl with the hair; she even drew a puppy on the love poem she wrote to Dalton. This “genuis” is an 8th-grade drop-out who passed his GED on the first try! Apparently we have very different definitions of “genius.” He was her middle school crush. Seems like they both have stunted growth to middle school—even the collages/scrapbook is a childlike thing to do with a crush. Oh, no, she’s a mother! Hmm. Maybe she has traumatic brain injury from this accident; that would explain a lot. You know this lawyer is like, what a dumbass!

Gabby is already planning her wedding to Chris?! How did he purchase this $5000 ring from prison? Oh, this is a twist! The prisoner has $150000 and is sending money to the person on the outside!

Max has an elaborate beauty routine. Gee, Max, maybe it was the drugs that made Tara look worse in her mugshots than she did in earlier Facebook photos. Tara is in prison; I doubt they can be prompt to appointments like it’s a work meeting.

Harry kidnapped someone…eek! Indie married him through letters—that checks out. The psychic knows what to say to keep this rube coming back every month. Indie has one kid who lives with her and another who doesn’t—so she’s going to leave the first kid to go to Ohio just like Shawn did.

Tai and a man named Hottie, who is apparently educated but hood, slightly chubby, and has children to have a Brady Bunch family with her 3 kids. Oh, excuse me, his full name is Duffle Bag Hottie! Oh, this is the Lacy of the show with another inmate, BB! Wow! Forget it, Tai has just blown Lacey out of the water: 8 to 10 men a week?!? She has vision boards to keep track of them but updates them each week with their sentencing, location, and net worth! They transfer across boards and maps to make it to her “to do” wink-wink board. Wait a minute, Tai is angry about Hottie’s other girl after she just told us about her endless rotation of men?! I dated like 8-10 men in my entire life, so how does she get that many new ones EVERY WEEK?!

Indie’s family game night sounds fun. I love this bounty Hunter mom sauntering in. She will hunt you down in Ohio. Sooo… are we going to play Uno or what? Wait. They have this nice, big three sided couch in another room but you had all 7 people barely perched on that other curved couch to hear your big news of how you wrote letters proclaiming your vows and spoke it out to your ancestors and spirit animals? (I guess she’s this year’s “Clyde.”)

Duffle Bag Hottie does not have time to write another ho. All this dude has is time. Somehow you manage to meet and juggle 8-10 new men a week, update your paperwork and bulletin boards on them, and still hold down a job as a mortician. I didn’t think you could do 2-way calling on an iPhone. Tai, you hung up too fast—we didn’t get the story. Well, I guess more next week. Tai is now my new favorite reality TV train wreck.

[dsteele]

16 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

Tai is a whole mess with her Homeland convict boards.

Simply brilliant. 🤣 I had forgotten all about that.

18 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

I noticed the bald spot too. I don’t think he’s good-looking.

With that over-roided body, it makes his head look too small. Weird.

[1011101010001]

If they play Monopoly at Family Game Night she can pocket the Get Out of Jail card for Harry.

Regarding the tracing, didn’t everyone trace their hand as a kid?  It ends up ballooning like an oven mitt.  It’s the prison equivalent of internet inches.

Personally I think guys who trace their junk are sketch.

Marcelino thinks pencils are romantic because he thought it was a compliment when he was told he has a pencil dick.

[nutella fitzgerald]

Hi all!

Just a quick note to confirm — we will be calling Cruella’s man Dick Tracy, yes?

[Jeanne222]

So I was feeling sad MAFS was over for the week and along comes a sneak preview of LAL!

Can’t wait!  Just wait til you see Haley’s surprise!

Spoiler

Her son’s hair is blue!!!!

 

[Back Atcha]

On 1/8/2022 at 10:51 AM, dsteele said:

With that over-roided body, it makes his head look too small. Weird.

I think that small head looks great with the huge thighs and small arms.  Yummy!

[Keywestclubkid]

I feel so ashamed that I have missed so many episodes already.. time to catch up