Do You Consider Yourself A Feminist?: Why Or Why Not?

[Anela]

I was taught how to cook, and do laundry.  Fed pets, walked the dog.  Looked after my sister.  

my dad taught my mum how to cook, and do laundry because my grandma didn’t want anyone in her kitchen, and I guess she thought it was her job to do everything.  But my mum cleaned the whole house regularly, because after having her fifth child, grandma was burnt out. 

Edited January 20 by Anela

[Anela]

@Ohiopirate02 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFNaKcqxui3/ This reminded me of what you told me you'd done to protect yourself. :)

[Ohiopirate02]

29 minutes ago, Anela said:

@Ohiopirate02 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFNaKcqxui3/ This reminded me of what you told me you'd done to protect yourself. :)

Same theory, but my execution was not as graceful.

[peacheslatour]

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

[PRgal]

14 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

Hong Kong wasn't as up to speed in technology and I think both my grandmothers did laundry by hand.  A lot of people in Hong Kong didn't get phones until the 60s though there was running water and electricity.

Edited January 31 by PRgal

[Ohiopirate02]

15 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

After our discussion of tradwives made me think of this. 😆

 

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes. These women were perpetually on something from amphetamines in the morning to benzos or quaaludes in the evening plus caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

[Browncoat]

3 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes. These women were perpetually on something from amphetamines in the morning to benzos or quaaludes in the evening plus caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

She goes running for the shelter of her mother's little helper...

[PRgal]

Those drugs were probably prescribed so that moms can deal with husband issues and stick together for the "sake of the children."  Not sure if my grandmother was given any meds, but she sure as heck stuck in a marriage.  Even when they were elderly.  According to my mom, she was ready to dump him until someone in the family convinced her otherwise.  

[nokat]

1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I personally want the drugs 1950s housewives were prescribed which honestly have to be the reason why there were so many savory Jello recipes.

I've seen the photos and recipes with everything floating in jello. I would need drugs to dumb myself down to be a wife in that era. It hasn't improved that much. We still do the majority of housework and taking care of schedules and kids.

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

Edited January 31 by nokat

[Dimity]

12 minutes ago, nokat said:

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

[Ohiopirate02]

28 minutes ago, Dimity said:

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

Or they have rich parents. I know of two families with more than 5 kids that were or still are being bankrolled by the grandparents. That's the only way a family of 10 can afford a couple of days in Orlando including theme parks on one salary. The other family was the youth pastor at a local church and the wife did not work. They had at least 5 kids, but he was driving around in a Cadillac. Side note, I got to drive the Caddy on a trip and man that was one smooth driving vehicle that surprisingly took curves well while being a boat. He also decided he needed to go back to school and moved his whole family to another state for him to attend. That lasted a year before they moved back to the area.

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, Dimity said:

I came from a typical (for the time) big family and I chose to have two.  Which meant we could afford to put them through school, go on vacations etc.  People opting for big families in today's economy better have high paying jobs or be content to do the absolute bare minimum.  I would not have been happy with bare minimum especially if I had a choice in the matter.

I have no kids but haven't ruled out having one or two. I am too old to have a large family at this point, but I'm with you. Even if I got married and started a family young, I wouldn't strive to have a bunch of kids unless either me or my partner had a high paying job. I like living on the nice side of town, driving new cars, not watching my pennies, etc. 

I can understand the appeal of three to four kids. I often wished I had more siblings. It would be like having more best friends, funner holidays, less lonely, etc. But money aside, I don't know if kids in huge families get enough quality time with their parents. Maybe if the parents started very young and the kids had decent age gaps between one another? 

[fastiller]

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I've seen the photos and recipes with everything floating in jello. I would need drugs to dumb myself down to be a wife in that era. It hasn't improved that much. We still do the majority of housework and taking care of schedules and kids.

I'll add that I chose to not have children. I was happy to have the choice and used birth control.

Might I suggest Angora Bouquet?  Washes your brain as well as your face.

 

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Or they have rich parents. I know of two families with more than 5 kids that were or still are being bankrolled by the grandparents. That's the only way a family of 10 can afford a couple of days in Orlando including theme parks on one salary. The other family was the youth pastor at a local church and the wife did not work. They had at least 5 kids, but he was driving around in a Cadillac. Side note, I got to drive the Caddy on a trip and man that was one smooth driving vehicle that surprisingly took curves well while being a boat. He also decided he needed to go back to school and moved his whole family to another state for him to attend. That lasted a year before they moved back to the area.

"Being bankrolled by the grandparents" is often where wealth shame comes from.  Especially if they're first generation wealth.  And why so many people don't talk about money.

[Dimity]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

But money aside, I don't know if kids in huge families get enough quality time with their parents. Maybe if the parents started very young and the kids had decent age gaps between one another? 

I think it totally depends on the parents and their parenting style.  My parents had a big family but I don't remember ever feeling that I didn't have quality time with them.  Perhaps not one on one as much as an only or two child family might have but we did a lot of stuff together as a family.  Even so I knew I didn't want a big family myself.  Two and done.

[PRgal]

4 minutes ago, Dimity said:

I think it totally depends on the parents and their parenting style.  My parents had a big family but I don't remember ever feeling that I didn't have quality time with them.  Perhaps not one on one as much as an only or two child family might have but we did a lot of stuff together as a family.  Even so I knew I didn't want a big family myself.  Two and done.

You could be an only child and not have quality time with one or both parents.  My dad travelled A LOT for work starting when I was 10.  I NEVER had time with him.  Most of the time, he was abroad during the week, so it was only weekends.  And on weekends, he'd help me with studying.  So nothing fun.  My mom was at home, but I don't think she knew HOW to spend time with me after I reached my tweens.  When I was little, we'd make cookies or cake (from a mix) or Jello.  It all suddenly stopped when my dad started travelling.  My life after we got dial-up (circa 1995) was spent either with my BFF from camp or online on a musical theatre message board (it shut down in the early 00s.....)

[RealHousewife]

5 minutes ago, PRgal said:

You could be an only child and not have quality time with one or both parents.  My dad travelled A LOT for work starting when I was 10.  I NEVER had time with him.  Most of the time, he was abroad during the week, so it was only weekends.  And on weekends, he'd help me with studying.  So nothing fun.  My mom was at home, but I don't think she knew HOW to spend time with me after I reached my tweens.  When I was little, we'd make cookies or cake (from a mix) or Jello.  It all suddenly stopped when my dad started travelling.  My life after we got dial-up (circa 1995) was spent either with my BFF from camp or online on a musical theatre message board (it shut down in the early 00s.....)

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

Not to get too OT, but this conversation remains me that it's a pet peeve of mine when people assume if you grew up with two parents in the home, that you must have had a good childhood. And sometimes parents might give you plenty of attention but still be abusive and emotionally unavailable. 

[Dimity]

2 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

My parents have 14 grandchildren and you'd be amazed at how they managed to keep track of birthdays, special events and the like.  They also had, at one time or another over the years one or more grandchildren living with them for school or because in one case the parents had split up and the kids needed some stability.  Also they had a summer home and every grandchild spent time with them there.

Not sure where I'm going with this!  Oh yes, some people are just meant to be parents and especially grandparents.  My family got lucky.

[PRgal]

12 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh for sure. I just think when there are like eight kids, as someone who has none, that sounds next to impossible-giving so many kids quality time. Keeping up with all their birthdays, homework, appointments, extracurricular activities, etc. 

Not to get too OT, but this conversation remains me that it's a pet peeve of mine when people assume if you grew up with two parents in the home, that you must have had a good childhood. And sometimes parents might give you plenty of attention but still be abusive and emotionally unavailable. 

And sometimes, the parents don't realize that it's abuse because of generational trauma, tradition, or because of cultural differences.  Like, in many eastern cultures, you're expected to respect your elders.  You don't criticize.  You stay silent.  Children are seen, not heard.  Grandpa said something un-PC?  Nope, you don't correct him.  You just sit there and smile.

[Dimity]

I don't which social media god I displeased but I just checked into FB and there was post after post of supposedly funny, but totally misogynistic memes and whatever from a variety of sources.  If this is the kind of thing that girls and young women are being exposed to on social media on a regular basis it's just sickening.

Edited February 26 by Dimity

[PRgal]

2 hours ago, Dimity said:

I don't which social media god I displeased but I just checked into FB and there was post after post of supposedly funny, but totally misogynistic memes and whatever from a variety of sources.  If this is the kind of thing that girls and young women are being exposed to on social media on a regular basis it's just sickening.

Who do you follow, because I see no such thing on mine.  I see a lot of posts on neurodivergency and health/food influencers though.

[Anduin]

4 hours ago, Dimity said:

I don't which social media god I displeased but I just checked into FB and there was post after post of supposedly funny, but totally misogynistic memes and whatever from a variety of sources.  If this is the kind of thing that girls and young women are being exposed to on social media on a regular basis it's just sickening.

That's not good. I think a lot of what you see is based on who you follow. Whoever is sharing this shit, give them the boot. But sometimes there are recommendations. "If you like Star Trek, you might like Star Wars." But you can still mute accounts for a month or so.

[Dimity]

[peacheslatour]

[Dimity]

The women who went "into space" the other day have been somewhat mercilessly mocked ever since.  And while I totally agree with much of what has been said about the whole thing one aspect of it really riles me up.  Would there be the same reaction had they not been women?  I highly doubt it.  Now fair enough they were the ones who made much of the fact that they were the first all female "crew" (they weren't crew, they were passengers but anyway...) but even so something about this rubs me the wrong way.  Mock them for the entitlement of being rich 'space' tourists but don't single them out.  Mock every celebrity who is doing this.

[peacheslatour]

[tearknee]

On 4/23/2025 at 12:34 AM, Dimity said:

The women who went "into space" the other day have been somewhat mercilessly mocked ever since.  And while I totally agree with much of what has been said about the whole thing one aspect of it really riles me up.  Would there be the same reaction had they not been women?  I highly doubt it.  Now fair enough they were the ones who made much of the fact that they were the first all female "crew" (they weren't crew, they were passengers but anyway...) but even so something about this rubs me the wrong way.  Mock them for the entitlement of being rich 'space' tourists but don't single them out.  Mock every celebrity who is doing this.

Society seems to expect that women in general could act better than the dudebros.

[isalicat]

On 4/22/2025 at 7:34 AM, Dimity said:

Now fair enough they were the ones who made much of the fact that they were the first all female "crew" (they weren't crew, they were passengers but anyway...

Um...not just that but all the "glam" content was more than a little cringe. These ladies deserved all the mockery, sorry. Buncha posers.

[Anela]

On 4/22/2025 at 10:34 AM, Dimity said:

The women who went "into space" the other day have been somewhat mercilessly mocked ever since.  And while I totally agree with much of what has been said about the whole thing one aspect of it really riles me up.  Would there be the same reaction had they not been women?  I highly doubt it.  Now fair enough they were the ones who made much of the fact that they were the first all female "crew" (they weren't crew, they were passengers but anyway...) but even so something about this rubs me the wrong way.  Mock them for the entitlement of being rich 'space' tourists but don't single them out.  Mock every celebrity who is doing this.

I'm with you. 

21 hours ago, tearknee said:

Society seems to expect that women in general could act better than the dudebros.

They did act better than dudebros. They just went to space briefly, they didn't assault anyone. 

[isalicat]

44 minutes ago, Anela said:

I'm with you. 

They did act better than dudebros. They just went to space briefly, they didn't assault anyone. 

Dictionary.com defines "dudebros" as:

A dudebro is a humorous or derisive slang term stereotyping a young, usually white man as a partying prep or jock who is obnoxiously entitled.

I wasn't aware that all of the "dudebros" assaulted people! And from the various editorials I've read, including in the NY Times, I gather that the latest Blue Origin crew are not getting accolades from most progressive circles given their clear contempt for the planet's health in their little entitled jaunt up and down.

[Anela]

24 minutes ago, isalicat said:

Dictionary.com defines "dudebros" as:

A dudebro is a humorous or derisive slang term stereotyping a young, usually white man as a partying prep or jock who is obnoxiously entitled.

I wasn't aware that all of the "dudebros" assaulted people! And from the various editorials I've read, including in the NY Times, I gather that the latest Blue Origin crew are not getting accolades from most progressive circles given their clear contempt for the planet's health in their little entitled jaunt up and down.

I associate it with Andrew Tate, and the college boys who get away with assault, because they don’t enjoy barbecues anymore.  The poor things.  

this is exactly why I’m with Dimity.  It’s okay to mock women for this - it will always be “okay” to mock women, period.  If we mocked men for doing the same thing, we wouid be angry, entitled women (aka feminists, to some) - just jealous man-haters.  

Edited April 24 by Anela

[isalicat]

2 minutes ago, Anela said:

I associate it with Andrew Tate, and the college boys who get away with assault, because they don’t enjoy barbecues anymore.  The poor things.  

I prefer not to accuse people of criminality just because they come from a particular race, gender or socio-economic class. I went to college with lots of white frat boys and none of them fit this trope any more than all feminist women are one thing or the other.

[Anela]

I’ve just edited my post, but thank you so much for the education. 

[Dimity]

Another TV commercial that is getting on my last nerve.  The family stages an intervention because "Dad" isn't on board with changing their Internet provider.  Apparently, according to however created and authorized this advert, we still live in a world where "Dad" has the final say in the house and "Mom" is on the same level as the kids in terms of decision making.

I cannot tell you how much I despise this.

[fastiller]

I'm surprised I haven't shared this with you all before now.  There's a podcast that I enjoy called The Guilty Feminist (spotify link) with Deborah Frances-White.  Loads of great conversations.  Most episodes are recorded live in various locations around the UK (or toured outside the UK) and she starts them "I'm a feminist but... ."  Worth a listen if you have a hole in your schedule.

[Dimity]

This, this right here is why I'm a feminist and why I despair at the rise of the so-called 'tradwife'.  Are people so distanced from how damn exhausting life was for women before the advent of 'mod cons'?  Looking back on a neverending, laborious task with rose coloured glasses.  God.

 

[supposebly]

So so stupid. I hope people don't have to relearn these simple lessons over and over again. But I guess you can only have those rose-tinted glasses if you've never seen this done in reality. I had a grandmother who never quite trusted modern washing machines but she would have never said doing laundry by hand was "love woven into  every wrinkle". Bleh.

You spent all day doing laundry, hands wrinkled and raw, and then you do it all over again next week. Read Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood for a very detailed and vivid description how utterly exhausting, sick-making, repetitive, time-consuming, and frustrating doing laundry used to be.

[PRgal]

7 hours ago, Dimity said:

This, this right here is why I'm a feminist and why I despair at the rise of the so-called 'tradwife'.  Are people so distanced from how damn exhausting life was for women before the advent of 'mod cons'?  Looking back on a neverending, laborious task with rose coloured glasses.  God.

 

Her poor hands :( 

I don't understand how people in Europe and Asia dry their clothes.  It's so much more convenient to dump and press a button to dry.  

[supposebly]

I'm in Canada and I hang mine too. Better for the environment and clothes last longer. It takes just a few minutes. I only use the dryer for bed sheets.

[Dimity]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

I don't understand how people in Europe and Asia dry their clothes.  It's so much more convenient to dump and press a button to dry.  

Where I lived in England  what most seemed to have were those combo washer/dryers which I hated!  We ended up renting a proper dryer - which we had to keep in the garage because there was no place for it in the house.

I  do hang out the clothes in the summer now but this meme was way too relevant to me when my kids still lived at home:

 

 

Edited May 31 by Dimity

[JustHereForFood]

My mom often talks about how my grandmother, who grew up in the 30's and 40's and lost her own mother when she was only 5 years old, had to go out and wash the laundry at a local river, even during winter. And she grew up in the poorest part of the country which is also in the north and in the mountains, so it was always a lot colder there than elsewhere. Then when she married and moved to the city, they first lived in a building with a laundry room where everyone washed their clothes (this has not been a thing for decades now). She was apparently very happy once they could afford to buy their own washing machine, as she had 3 children by then. (And a job, of course, since being a stay-at-home wife was not a thing.)

People who post shit like that probably never had to do manual labor a day in their lives.

 

16 hours ago, PRgal said:

Her poor hands :( 

I don't understand how people in Europe and Asia dry their clothes.  It's so much more convenient to dump and press a button to dry.  

I know of few people who have driers, but most just hang their clothes to dry. It is ok for most of the year, but actually during this part of the year it takes forever to dry, because we don't use heating anymore but it's still not that warm for it to dry just as quickly. My clothes are usually dry in a day, so I can wash something every day if I need to, but at this time, they are still damp after two days 🙁. A lot of people hang them outside, but I would be too afraid of birds, insects, etc. touching it, LOL.

15 hours ago, supposebly said:

I'm in Canada and I hang mine too. Better for the environment and clothes last longer. It takes just a few minutes. I only use the dryer for bed sheets.

I wondered what kind of material are your clothes from that dries in a few minutes, before I realized that you meant the hanging. 😆

[PRgal]

My son’s nanny does his laundry and she would hang it on a rack in his bedroom.  She used to do it near the entrance but we told her we felt it was super tacky.  She didn’t quite understand why we felt that way.  Cultural differences. 

[peacheslatour]

On 5/30/2025 at 6:04 PM, supposebly said:

I'm in Canada and I hang mine too. Better for the environment and clothes last longer. It takes just a few minutes. I only use the dryer for bed sheets.

Huh, opposite of me. I only hang bed clothes outdoors. I love the fresh way they smell, right off the line. You can almost smell the sunshine.

[PRgal]

1 minute ago, peacheslatour said:

Huh, opposite of me. I only hang bed clothes outdoors. I love the fresh way they smell, right off the line. You can almost smell the sunshine.

For us, we don't have a yard and I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to hang clothes to dry in our balconies (the lower floors of my building is a hotel.  It won't be good for their image), so we can't dry outdoors.  I miss the suburbs sometimes.

[peacheslatour]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

For us, we don't have a yard and I'm pretty sure we're not allowed to hang clothes to dry in our balconies (the lower floors of my building is a hotel.  It won't be good for their image), so we can't dry outdoors.  I miss the suburbs sometimes.

If you ever come to Seattle, bring your sheets! 🥰

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 5/30/2025 at 6:12 PM, Dimity said:

Where I lived in England  what most seemed to have were those combo washer/dryers which I hated! 

I've used one of those for the last 20 years.  However, the drier vents to the outside, and works better than ones that don't have an external vent.  It still takes a long time to dry stuff, but much less than the unvented ones, which apparently never completely dry anything.

But it spins like a mofo, so things are not very wet at all when they come out.  I've had to use a laundromat a few times, and those fancy gigantic washers?  They spin out hardly any water.  

On the topic of laundry, I've been hand-washing Mr. Outlier's mountainbiking clothes in a bucket outside every day for the last week (for valid reasons).  What's astonishing is how dirty they are, which is very obvious when you're washing in a bucket and not so obvious when you just push a button and come back later.  Which made me think about how hard it must have been in the olden days because not only did they wash by hand, the actual clothes were probably all much filthier than our daily clothes today, and very bulky.  And no quick-drying "performance" fabrics.

And that much vaunted spin cycle on the washing machine--I hand wash the bike clothes and wring them out as best I can, and then use the machine for a spin cycle and they come out almost dry.  

 

 

[EtheltoTillie]

Taking washing machine topic to pet peeves.  You will see why.

[StatisticalOutlier]

In the feminist vein, it really bugs me that I enjoy being a laundry hobbyist. 

Sure, being a feminist means you believe women can do whatever they want, and I want to do laundry.  But it still bugs.

 

[PRgal]

I hate being the family admin assistant.  Even my cousins-in-law - WOMEN (and ONE is a MILLENNIAL) - send ME party and dinner invitations without copying my husband.  They're HIS cousins!  I already have enough other things to deal with.

[peacheslatour]

Lol, selective indignation.