S05.E10: Chapter Eighty-Six: The Pincushion Man

[Bort]

While preparing for the school’s Parent-Teacher night, Archie is caught off guard when his former Army General shows up in Riverdale with some unexpected news. Cheryl pushes back after hearing that Hiram and Reggie have expressed interest in taking over the Blossom maple groves. Jughead’s unconventional way to get through a case of writer’s block causes Tabitha to be concerned for his safety. Finally, Betty and Alice receive some unexpected visitors.

Airdate: 31 March 2021

[Chaos Theory]

So Veronica did end up marrying her father then....

Speaking of fathers.....I kinda felt bad for Betty when douche bag FBI guy told her he came to Riverdale to do a paper on hers and her family bloodline. I mean when will Betty be done investigating dear old dad? I guess that’s a story that keeps kinda writing itself.
 

Unlike Jughead and his stupid book which makes no sense.  The Jughead plot needs to go somewhere fast I am getting bored.  
 

Hiram Lodge does some mustache twirly big bad shit but blowing up his own prison so a bunch of old big bads escape and reek havoc on the town and his the school is at least interesting.

So Archie gets to play hero while thumbing his nose at the establishment and getting himself into some future unforeseeable trouble.....because of course he does.

My favorite part was a small scene with Cheryl  grandmother When Reggie came a calling and she commented that he wasn’t her granddaughter’s type.  

Edited April 1, 2021 by Chaos Theory

[Diapason Untuned]

I've said this about this show multiple times, but really, what are the writers smoking and where can I get some 😂

What a jam packed episode that was.

Veronica literally making the same mistakes as dear old mom by marrying a facsimile of dear old dad, and Betty dating a dude that's obsessed with serial killers, just like her brother, who actually happens to be her brother's ex-academy rival. I mean, what are the odds?

Hiram segues into full supervillainy by blowing up his own prison, and then sicking the escapees on a parent teacher conference. Like hell, even Dr. Eggman would sideeye that shit.

Archie getting involved in shady Army plots and then fighting like he's in Uncharted or something.

Jughead taking a trip on the oh so aptly named maple mushrooms and having visions of Betty (who surprise, surprise, he's not really over) and said vision getting interrupted by an alien visitation by Mothwoman, who took him home and kindly wrote his book for him?

Cheryl taking a huge L today, first her maple groves heard she was cheating on them and decided to stop putting out, her grandma trafficked them and then decided to use human sacrifice on her new girlfriend (hey show, can you let this girl be happy for just a sec?)

Juniper and Dagwood fulfilling their destiny as the Mulberry Twins ,and then Uncle Charles and Chick coming home for a visit to play Pin the Tail on the Human

Oh, and Uncle Frank was there too, I guess.

This is why I watch this show. No matter what anyone says, where else can you find such condensed madness on the air?

 

Edited April 1, 2021 by Diapason Untuned

[MaggieG]

Wait, isn't Charles actually FP's son, not Hal's? So he wouldn't have any Cooper genes. 

Also, was Penelope in the men's prison? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that given everything that happens on this show

Edited April 1, 2021 by MaggieG

[tennisgurl]

Hiram has gone so supervillain I half expect to see him ending this season wearing a gaudy costume while he cackles evilly driving the Hiram mobile. "Riddle me this, Veronica!" In fact, I'm pretty sure "all the crazy inmates escape the local prison as part of evil plot to raise havoc" has been done in at least three Batman video games, and yet those are often less crazy than this show is. 

So what are the odds that Veronica's husband did try to murder/suicide them? Or at least wrecked the helicopter on purpose to get Veronica to stay with him? Not surprising that Veronica ended up marrying someone like her dad, Veronica has got some serious Elektra vibes with daddy dearest. She and Archie just bore me to tears I will really hoping they could find something better for Veronica than an evil husband and a rebound with Archie. 

Archie not only gets to be a badass, but also gets to take a noble stand against a corrupt general, because Archie is the only person who gets a story where they get to do cool stuff. 

Betty at least got to have some good moments and the rare episode where she is maybe the least crazy person in a room, but I hope that this is the last of Chick and Charles. Dagwood and Junipter sure do take after their dad, they look very much like baby Blossoms. With everything that has happened to them and their moms apparently lax parenting, no wonder they've got issues. I felt bad for Betty when she realized that her FBI kind of boyfriend was writing a thesis on her, what a creep. Not surprising though, apparently all of our core cast have the most terrible taste in romantic partners ever, except for Archie who hasn't apparently been dating much in the last five years. Or maybe its because Archie is the person who lives closest to the real world, and any ex he has is probably just normal weird, and not Riverdale weird. 

I could watch Nana Rose yell about curses while dramatic music plays and the camera goes all Dutch angle all day, this is why I cant quit the Blossoms. I always prefer them going full Gothic Romance then when Cheryl is just being a mean girl, especially now that she's in her mid twenties and not in high school. 

Tabitha seems way too normal to be with Jughead for very long. His writing career slightly confuses me, so he can sometimes barley keep his editor returning his calls, and then he can take up a slot that is normally taken by Steven King?

[thuganomics85]

So, alongside the Jingle Jangle and Fizzle Rocks, we've got a psychedelic drug known as Maple Mushrooms that take you on wild and cray trips.  Perfect!  Especially since I kind of felt like I was on Maple Mushrooms with this episode!

Hiram unleashes his grand plan, finally!  Which is basically to cause a massive prison break thanks to a random explosion (not suspicious in any way!), and secretly pay off some of the inmates to run amok on the town, and cause craziness, with Riverdale High being the main target.  I feel like there would be much easier ways for Hiram to accomplish this with all the wealth and power that he has, but who am I to question his wisdom, I guess?  After-all, it actually seems to be working for the most part, because, duh: it's Riverdale!

Plus, it his grand plan comes with a side benefit: it allows both Charles and Chic to escape as well, and basically kidnap Betty, Alice, and the twins, and force them to... watch them get married?  With Alice officiating?  Despite that, that might make them the most stable romantic relationship on this show.  But, alas, Grant/Betty's FBI squeeze stumbles in, almost gets himself killed, and Betty and Alice are able to subdue that crazy duo.  But I wouldn't be surprised if this is far from over.

Love you, Veronica, but you really seem to always get outplayed whenever you try to face off against someone: especially by the men in your life.

I'm starting to love that Reggie's solution to all problems is just starting a fire.  If COVID existed in this show, he'd probably think he could burn the virus somehow.

Glad that Penelope is back.  The Blossoms are so wacky!

I don't know if it was just me, but the sound effects during Archie's fight scenes were so over-the-top and loud.  I kept waiting for a Adam West Batman style "WHACK!" to pop up every time a hit took place.  And now Archie is off to face off against a corrupt military general, because of course he does.  No adults are allowed to be good on this show, unless your Keller or maybe Frank (welcome back!)

Has Jughead been abducted by aliens again?  And how is that one of the less crazy, least interesting things that is happening this season?

[SourK]

LMAO. WHAT IF the school were suddenly flooded by violent criminals who apparently came there to steal people's wallets in the middle of the night? WHAT IF the only way to stop them was the hand-to-hand combat training of a teacher who may or may not still be in the army -- it's unclear? WHAT IF everyone gathered around at exactly the right moment to listen to him give a speech about how he's the most moral person 2-3 times? Then your violent daydream about masculine heroics would be an episode of Riverdale, I guess.

Honestly, my favourite part was when Chic got mad about not being included in the murder family. Second favourite was the cut back to Jughead doing mushrooms in the bunker while the town was under attack. I feel like I would like him more if he were whimsically disconnected from everything instead of being self-serious.

ETA: I also loved it when Archie asked his uncle how things were in prison, and his uncle said they were bad and weird, and then Archie was like, "Cool, good luck with that. I have to go."

Edited April 1, 2021 by SourK
forgetfulness

[ZootSuitWyatt]

2 hours ago, MaggieG said:

Wait, isn't Charles actually FP's son, not Hal's? So he wouldn't have any Cooper genes. 

Also, was Penelope in the men's prison? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at that given everything that happens on this show

And apparently Hal didn’t even have the serial killer version of the genes?

[ruby24]

This episode was an acid trip. I think the last time Riverdale was this bizarre and all over the place was Season 2. We've got aliens, more serial killers, an invasion of the high school in the middle of the night by escaped inmates, the Blossoms literally conjuring up wind out of thin air to stop their trees burning down, Archie's corrupt military general and Veronica's more normal by comparison scheming husband storyline. Whew. 

 

[CrazyDog]

1 hour ago, SourK said:

LMAO. WHAT IF the school were suddenly flooded by violent criminals who apparently came there to steal people's wallets in the middle of the night? WHAT IF the only way to stop them was the hand-to-hand combat training of a teacher who may or may not still be in the army -- it's unclear? WHAT IF everyone gathered around at exactly the right moment to listen to him give a speech about how he's the most moral person 2-3 times? Then your violent daydream about masculine heroics would be an episode of Riverdale, I guess.

Honestly, my favourite part was when Chic got mad about not being included in the murder family. Second favourite was the cut back to Jughead doing mushrooms in the bunker while the town was under attack. I feel like I would like him more if he were whimsically disconnected from everything instead of being self-serious.

ETA: I also loved it when Archie asked his uncle how things were in prison, and his uncle said they were bad and weird, and then Archie was like, "Cool, good luck with that. I have to go."

That was my favorite part. Archie's uncle listens to him, offers advice and support. Then when he says that things are getting weird in the prison, Archie suddenly peaces out. I wonder if some of that convo ended up getting cut, because that was too awkward, lol.

I like Tabitha, but mopey, druggy Jughead is my least favorite storyline this season. The aliens or Mothman, or whatever can keep him.

The creepy bad seed twins can go back to being in the background now, please. Yikes.

Oh, Veronica. She is not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. That was painful to watch.

Maple mushrooms, lol.

Good to know that the Blossoms can now manipulate the weather!

This show is insane, but it's always entertaining.

[nilyank]

Maple mushrooms?

The Blossoms must be behind that. Wasn't Cheryl's dad is druglord of maple variety? That was season 1's craziness, right?

So it was the most important Parent Teacher Conference and yet 3 of the teachers were occupied with their personal silly storylines (escaped killer convicts wedding, get high on maple mushroom to get over writer's block, and reenacting her parents' crappy marriage with her own crappy marriage)

So Betty going to keep on trucking until she finds the serial killer.

I said last week that I believed Betty's FBI boyfriend is TBK and that he had something to do with Jughead's trauma/blackouts. This week only reaffirmed my theory when he got all pissy and told Betty that Jughead can't be involved in the investigation.

[the-grey-lady]

I quite literally laughed out loud when Charles and Chic, newly freed from prison, did the only logical thing...and headed to their mother's/pseudo-mother's house to get married ASAP.

When Penelope Blossom, also among the free, ordered her "nightmare child" to pray for wind, I was on the floor.

And of course Jughead's dealer goes by Speedy.

[Riverdal3fc]

Hiiiii! ☺️👋🏼 Crazy stuff going on, right? 🤯 I came across this quiz and I wanted to share it with some real fans because it was suuuuuuper funn! 🙀  Who did you get as a perfect match? 😻

https://www.buzzfeed.com/riverdal3fc/plan-your-ideal-first-date-in-riverdale-and-weal-4awapksxkp

[rmontro]

On 4/1/2021 at 3:34 PM, Diapason Untuned said:

I've said this about this show multiple times, but really, what are the writers smoking and where can I get some 

They're not smoking anything, they're doing Maple Mushrooms.

 

On 4/1/2021 at 4:48 PM, tennisgurl said:

 

Archie is the only person who gets a story where they get to do cool stuff.

Well, there's Jughead's hallucinatory three way, but that's not really something I'm interested in seeing.

So Cheryl and her family are devil worshippers?

On 4/1/2021 at 5:14 PM, SourK said:

Honestly, my favourite part was when Chic got mad about not being included in the murder family. 

They need to do a "Riverdale" season of American Horror Story.

[Affogato]

Marsha’s Vineyard

hah!

 

[Quark]

Prison breakouts, serial killer weddings, Mothman alien abductions and a Blossom whirlwind.

Just another episode of Riverdale.

[LadyChaos]

Honestly at this point, Im fastforwarding through all the Hiram Lodge stuff....Im bored with it. 

Of course Alice would believe that Charles and Chic wouldn't hurt them.....I mean its not like they haven't proved otherwise....

Glen.....If I were Betty I would've took the term paper and thrown it into the fire(yeah he'd just print another copy from his computer, but it would make a statement), and then reported him to their hire ups and his teachers for unethical practices around manipulating and sleeping with someone to use as a source.....

yeas....corrupt military...shocking...moving on...

Edited August 16, 2022 by LadyChaos