Indian Matchmaking - General Discussion

[Mercolleen]

On Netflix: Matchmaker Sima Taparia guides clients in the U.S. and India in the arranged marriage process, offering an inside look at the custom in a modern era.

Just started by mistake. My finger hit the wrong button. Hoping some 90 Day peeps do the same.

E1: Wow, Arpana is hoping to not have to hang out with her husband. Not that she has one. Or any prospects. Why does she not stay single and travel to her 41st country? Assuming there is family pressure? Not sure yet ...

ETA: "People care about sense of humor"? Yikes.

ETAA: "He didn't know Bolivia has salt flats!" Is she real or a character? 

Edited July 20, 2020 by Mercolleen

[Bunnyette]

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

[Mercolleen]

1 hour ago, Bunnyette said:

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

Pretty sure you're right on P.

I am wondering how much Auntie charges that she can keep flying back and forth between the U.S. and India.

Edited July 21, 2020 by Mercolleen

[EarlGreyTea]

I absolutely loved this. I think Aparna improves as the show goes on. She did sort of figure out what she was doing wrong, took rejection well, and put herself out there a lot. I disliked her deeply in the beginning, but later I realized I was agreeing with her on a lot of things (especially being around a spouse 24/7 - that would give me hives, too. Maybe that's why I'm almost her age and still single, too). I still cringed watching some of her dates. She was low-key rude a lot and didn't pick up on when she was clearly pushing someone off. I also didn't like how her mother branded that one guy a loser.

I enjoy that Ankita and Rupam's parents did not want their daughters to settle. Despite being less traditional daughters, their parents were clearly behind them 100% and weren't ready to settle on just any match just because. I did not like how the show acted like Ankita was some dog. She was perfectly attractive and curvy. Some people expect Aishwarya Rai, apparently.

I enjoyed the insights into Indian culture. The reliance on astrology, addressing elders as "auntie" or "uncle," and even how they greeted each other.

What I did find absolutely universal is that you do indeed marry a person's family when you marry them. I liked that all of the families realized that. Akshay's mother would be the MIL from hell.

Some stories seemed to end on a cliffhanger. Maybe Ms. 'Rona had her say and they weren't able to complete production.

Also I liked the cold opens of each episode where married couples commented. They were all super cute.

Edited July 21, 2020 by EarlGreyTea

[Angeleyes]

I enjoyed this show. It’s funny and interesting, but also reflects the issues of class, colorism, sexism, etc. I finished all episodes in two days.

I think Arpana and the teacher guy Viyasar from Austin both need to address their past hurts due to their parents’ divorces and in his case, his dad’s criminal past.
Aparna’s mother drilled a mindset of accomplishments into her and everything is just a checklist to her. She doesn’t even enjoy her job or the places she travels. It’s another thing to brag about.

Viyasar seems to want to be a stay at home dad who homeschools the kids. His first pick just wasn’t down with that. I liked the vet, but she came across as not having other options and willing to settle. 

So interesting that Nadia was set up with the guy from Chicago that Aparna cast off. I’m glad she found out about Vinny’s flakiness before she got further along. 
 

I feel sorry for Radhika being set up with Akshay. His mother is a mother in-law from hell and she will have a difficult life dealing with her. He came across as such a doofus. He hit the jackpot because she was gorgeous, but it felt like she was pressured to marry him because he was rich. She could do way better.

I’m glad Ankita decided to forego the matchmakers. They were awful to her. I hope she’s able to meet someone organically. 

It’s too bad Rupam who was Sikh and divorced had such a hard time finding a match. I figured she might find someone at her local church/community center instead. The guy she met online was giving me red flags since he wasn’t willing to go public with their relationship. 

I was surprised that the last episode didn’t offer more updates. Maybe we’ll get more episodes

Edited July 22, 2020 by Angeleyes

[Angeleyes]

This is a where are they now article that has spoilers  

https://www.oprahmag.com/entertainment/a33368051/indian-matchmaking-couples-now/

 

 

Spoiler

So Aparna wants to be an Instagram travel influencer now? More boxes to check for that one

Vinay is claiming he’s not at fault for the breakup with Nadia and that he was never supposed to meet up with her friends. Anything is possible in reality TV shows. 
 

So glad the engagement between Radhika and Akshay never went forward. She dodged a bullet with that one. I feel for whoever he marries. 

Not surprised at all that Pradhyuman is still unattached and acting like a playboy. 
 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2020 by Angeleyes

[Angeleyes]

3 hours ago, Bunnyette said:

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

I forgot to write this in my post, but the first thing both my spouse and I said to each other about Pradhyuman was that he was gay. He’s covering it with a playboy lifestyle, but he’s totally hiding it from his family. 

[leslieo54]

5 hours ago, Bunnyette said:

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

Oh my god, seriously, the reason Pradhyuman has not agreed to meet any women is because he has no interest in women to begin with.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that... 

[Memphisbelly]

I thought Akshay was in love with his cousin.
I wonder if the stuff that came out after the pre-engagement was that his fiancée wanted to keep working. She told him that the first time they had a conversation, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. 

[Pepper Mostly]

11 hours ago, Bunnyette said:

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

Every time he wrinkled his nose and fumbled around for an excuse for not meeting a girl I'd just yell "BECAUSE YOU'RE GAY! OWN IT!"

I'm jumping ahead because I haven't seen the whole thing yet but I love Nadia and hope things work out for her. Her first date was such a dull, insufferable prig, and Vinay is a jerk. He apparently either bent to pressure from his parents or does not understand the purpose of a matchmaker. Why didn't he just do Tinder if he just wanted to date? Feh. 

I cannot wait to see how things shake out for full of herself Aparna. Dear me, who can survive a conversation with her? "I love being a lawyer!" "Ew, really?" "I enjoy the beach" "Yuck, what do you do on a beach all day?" "I'd love to visit South Africa!" "Oh. Well. South Africa is terrible". I realize that some of her attitude is defensive to avoid being hurt but that girl is a mess. She needs therapy. If I worked with her and saw her coming down the hall I'd run in the other direction. Being in her negative presence would wreck my day. 

9 hours ago, EarlGreyTea said:

Also I liked the cold opens of each episode where married couples commented. They were all super cute.

Agreed! They were adorable. 

I will be back once I'm caught up! Yay! My people! 

[EarlGreyTea]

8 hours ago, leslieo54 said:

Oh my god, seriously, the reason Pradhyuman has not agreed to meet any women is because he has no interest in women to begin with.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that... 

Someone elsewhere thought it could also be that he just wants to be a playboy, and I agree that's at least a possibility as well, although there was no real indication that he was sleeping around. I could see him waiting until 40 and then marrying a younger Indian girl and settling down.

I wasn't sure what to make of Akshay's reluctance to marry, except I think I know exactly what it is: he's 25! No way in Hades was I ready for marriage then, and I suspect the same is true of him. And why should he want marriage when many of the perks (having a stable home, someone to talk to, and someone to cook/clean for him) are done by his mother?

Edited July 21, 2020 by EarlGreyTea

[GoldaVining]

So watching this (and knowing nothing at all about Indian culture), what happens if you are gay or asexual? Do your parents just expect you to enter into a heterosexual marriage anyway?

[Bunnyette]

When does Auntie get paid? Upon a successful marriage or after 3 successful dates?

[GoldaVining]

Oh! And I want to get a job as a "face reader". Look at photo on a cellphone and declare "she will give birth to twins!" But probably you have to be born with the caul or something to qualify.

Edited July 21, 2020 by GoldaVining
clarity

[Bunnyette]

3 hours ago, EarlGreyTea said:

Someone elsewhere thought it could also be that he just wants to be a playboy, and I agree that's at least a possibility as well, although there was no real indication that he was sleeping around. I could see him waiting until 40 and then marrying a younger Indian girl and settling down.

I wasn't sure what to make of Akshay's reluctance to marry, except I think I know exactly what it is: he's 25! No way in Hades was I ready for marriage then, and I suspect the same is true of him. And why should he want marriage when many of the perks (having a stable home, someone to talk to, and someone to cook/clean for him) are done by his mother?

Mother Pradhyuman seems very eager to marry him off ASAP, hence hiring Auntie.

[greekmom]

Pradhyuman cooks, makes doll clothes and has more clothes and shoes than any woman.  When they mention women he shys away and everytime he has a TH he says partner and not wife.

The guy is defiantly gay and his parents should just accept that.

[athousandclowns]

20 hours ago, Mercolleen said:

On Netflix: Matchmaker Sima Taparia guides clients in the U.S. and India in the arranged marriage process, offering an inside look at the custom in a modern era.

Just started by mistake. My finger hit the wrong button. Hoping some 90 Day peeps do the same.

E1: Wow, Arpana is hoping to not have to hang out with her husband. Not that she has one. Or any prospects. Why does she not stay single and travel to her 41st country? Assuming there is family pressure? Not sure yet ...

ETA: "People care about sense of humor"? Yikes.

ETAA: "He didn't know Bolivia has salt flats!" Is she real or a character? 

Thanks to your post last night I think I watched all available... thus the circles  under my eyes and my ass dragging. Naw, that’s a common condition.  .  I love learning about the culture too.  Loved seeing different areas and monied homes .  Most of all I loved Vyasar the school adviser.  

[Wanda]

Just starting this show. I’m an American, married for 32 years to an Indian. We met in grad school. I’m looking at these lists and saying there’s no way we would have gotten together with a match maker. But maybe that’s why my husband left India and got married here 😉

 

 

and I keep saying praduhyuman is gay also. I think auntie knows it but she’s not about to say anything.

[Pepper Mostly]

8 hours ago, EarlGreyTea said:

Someone elsewhere thought it could also be that he just wants to be a playboy, and I agree that's at least a possibility as well, although there was no real indication that he was sleeping around. I could see him waiting until 40 and then marrying a younger Indian girl and settling down.

I wasn't sure what to make of Akshay's reluctance to marry, except I think I know exactly what it is: he's 25! No way in Hades was I ready for marriage then, and I suspect the same is true of him. And why should he want marriage when many of the perks (having a stable home, someone to talk to, and someone to cook/clean for him) are done by his mother?

Ashkay is under Mama Ashkay's thumb, and she wanted her sons married by 25, so he has to marry by 25. I think its a bit young, since, like in English novels, traditionally the man should have completed his education and be established in his career before marrying. BUT, clearly Ashkay comes from money. It certainly seemed to motivate the lovely Radhika! It sure wasn't his sparkling personality or sense of humor  or kind heart to rapier wit. He was about as personable as a bowl of cream of wheat. But she knew what to expect--lots of jewelry, glorious handmade saris, and a very comfortable life. She'll be under her MIL's thumb but I bet they'll take lots of vacations. 

Vyasar was my favorite. I just loved him. He was so open hearted and kind. I hope he and Rashi made a go of it, they seemed well matched.  

[Neurochick]

Arpana doesn't really seem to want to get married.  She seems asexual to me; I can't even imagining her having sex. 

23 hours ago, Bunnyette said:

Poor Nadia with that flaky Vinnie, Pradhyuman is gay...

Why do you think Pradhyuman is gay?  Because he likes to cook?  I don't get it.  To me, he seemed very immature.

[Pepper Mostly]

Because he practically visibly winced/cringed whenever he spoke of actually marrying a woman. He couldn't name a quality or personality trait he'd like to see in a potential wife. He practically said "ew". Not because he likes to cook. I don't have very good gaydar but mine was pinging so loud everyone in the house heard it.  

[Neurochick]

1 hour ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Because he practically visibly winced/cringed whenever he spoke of actually marrying a woman. He couldn't name a quality or personality trait he'd like to see in a potential wife. He practically said "ew". Not because he likes to cook. I don't have very good gaydar but mine was pinging so loud everyone in the house heard it.  

See, I saw that as being immature.  Like a 10 year old boy who is like, "eww girls."  It's interesting that people can pick the men as being gay, but not the women.  ETA, my sense is it's not that he doesn't want to marry a woman, it's that he doesn't want to marry an Indian woman.

I think Arpana's problem is her mother; it's kind of like Colt and Debbie on 90 Day Fiancee.  Maybe she should marry HERSELF.

I don't like Nadia, I don't like anybody who DOESN'T like catsup on everything. 

Edited July 22, 2020 by Neurochick

[Angeleyes]

Mama Akshay is something else. Can you imagine being told by your mother in-law that you can’t have a kid until your husband’s brother gets married? Or that your mom has your wedding date reserved before you have even met your potential wife? I understand there are some cultural differences, but she seemed overly controlling even for a traditional Indian family. Any daughter in-law of hers is going to have a rough life. 

[GoldaVining]

I have no idea why I am enjoying this show so much.

When that mother was showing the marriage jewelry (well 20% of it!) she was planning to present to her future daughter-in-law, I couldn't imagine what I would say if it were presented to me. Thanks? I have never worn jewelry and I couldn't give two craps about jewelry, but it seems like a personal thing. How do you choose jewelry for somebody you have never met and don't know their style? I have been married for many years with no ring, there never was a ring. My husband never offered me one and I never offered him one either. My husband is Finnish and maybe wedding rings are not such a common thing in that culture?  I can't remember if my mother-in-law wears one.

Akshay's mother has babied him and controlled him all his life and now suddenly she is demanding that he get married at 25. He IS young at 25 but he seems even younger. He seems like a boy. A sweet boy, but still a boy.

I love Rashi (the vet). I would like to be friends with her. She seems fun. And what about her brother?????

I was surprised how much I enjoyed the previously intolerable Aparna on the goat yoga date. She was down right likeable and bonus points because the goats obviously liked her and with animals it is all about energy -- you can't fake that I think. I think even she was surprised that she enjoyed the date. Ha!

[greekmom]

Just finished it.

re: Akshay - I feel sorry for his sister in law. That mother was overbearing even for an Indian mom.  And:

Spoiler

I know the girl dodge the bullet. She did the best thing. 

My favourite was Vyasar and I hope he finds a nice girl. I don't understand why he doesn't open up the field to American women.

The divorced Punjabi girl was my second favourite.  I am so glad she found someone else.  Nadia also comes in as a close second. Maybe she should try bumble as well.

Pradhyuman's closet would be to die for. I wonder what's so secret that he has a lock that is finger print accessible only?? I still maintain the guy is gay.

For her track record, Auntie really sucks as a matchmaker. I don't think there is a money back guarantee.

I loved seeing the culture overall.  Overall to be able to afford a matchmaker you have to be upper middle class to rich. 

 

[Angeleyes]

@greekmom I’m guessing since he and his family work in the jewelry business that he must store some of his own pieces in his closet.

[Bunnyette]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

See, I saw that as being immature.  Like a 10 year old boy who is like, "eww girls."  It's interesting that people can pick the men as being gay, but not the women.  ETA, my sense is it's not that he doesn't want to marry a woman, it's that he doesn't want to marry an Indian woman.

I think Arpana's problem is her mother; it's kind of like Colt and Debbie on 90 Day Fiancee.  Maybe she should marry HERSELF.

I don't like Nadia, I don't like anybody who DOESN'T like catsup on everything. 

Perhaps Aparna is gay too...

[Hanya2]

This was totally addictive.

I agree that  Pradhyuman is gay. It was immediately obvious. I think it might not be acceptable in this very traditional culture.

Nadia, the wedding planner, and Vyasar, the teacher, were very charming, and it would be fun to hang out with them.

Good for Ankita for being sure enough of herself to call everyone on their BS.

And that Ashkay guy, what a spoiled baby. As everyone said, the gorgeous Radhika dodged a bullet having to live with that soul-killing mother-in-law. When she said she wanted to work and be an independent woman, and work outside the home, I knew this wouldn't work out.

I worked with a lovely Indian woman in her late 20s who had an extremely traditional family, and was under tremendous family pressure to enter an arranged marriage. She wasn't allowed to have her own bank account, handed over her paychecks to her father. This was a part-time job for her and she was a perpetual student. Her father said when she finished school she had to get married. She had two bachelors degrees and was on her second masters when I changed jobs. So I have an idea of the pressure these people are under.

 

[Hanya2]

With Aparna, I think she's just an arrogant attorney who has to learn how to give and take with people, and in the beginning she seemed to think being pleasant was beneath her. She needs another workaholic, maybe a doctor with long hours, so they can be insufferable together.

[Kiss my mutt]

I’m so glad someone started this topic. I was going to and never got to it so thank you!

I watched the entire season in two nights. I heard it was controversial because of colorism and almost didn’t tune in but other than the one comment that Aperna made, I didn’t hear any other overt references though I’m sure it exists as well as the caste you were born in though to a lesser degree here than India. 
I didn’t realize matchmaking was alive and well In the US so I’m intrigued. I love the matchmaker but she based on this season, she did worse than the MAFS “experts”, though I loved how she leveled with all her clients about their expectations. 
The married couples they featured were charming. Loved hearing their stories and their banter back and forth. 

I too, went straight for the gay angle with Aperna. If it’s true, how sad since it’s definitely not as accepted there and with his mother being the way she is he would have a very difficult time  
I couldn’t stand the lawyer. What a sourpuss. Granted she improved throughout the show but her demeanor and bitch face was such a turn off. 

I liked the guidance counselor but I always felt he was too “on” all the time. I’m sure it’s how he coped with insecurity but he would wear me out. 
Nadia was another one that always felt “on” to me. I didn’t think she had much in common with the the lawyer guy she and her mother went to visit. 

[GoldaVining]

Wow there is sure a lot of value put on being tall.

[hula-la]

13 hours ago, GoldaVining said:

So watching this (and knowing nothing at all about Indian culture), what happens if you are gay or asexual? Do your parents just expect you to enter into a heterosexual marriage anyway?

Totally depends on the family. Some will still expect/demand a heterosexual marriage. Others will start arranging a homosexual marriage. Other parents are ok with their children being single.
 
The colourism was apparent every time someone mentioned that they wanted their future spouse to be “fair” (tall, fair, and handsome). There’s a reason why skin lightening creams are big sellers in India and in South Asian communities.

I read a stat somewhere that worldwide, 50% of all marriages are arranged. I’m liking this show. 

[Angeleyes]

There was also colorism for Nadia’s preference to date someone who is Guyanese/Indian vs someone who is strictly from Guyana. Granted, the slave history there plays into that decision, but someone who has a family that came over to Guyana as part of that slave trade will likely be lighter than someone who can trace their lineage as always being from Guyana. 

[Pepper Mostly]

14 hours ago, GoldaVining said:

When that mother was showing the marriage jewelry (well 20% of it!) she was planning to present to her future daughter-in-law, I couldn't imagine what I would say if it were presented to me. Thanks? I have never worn jewelry and I couldn't give two craps about jewelry, but it seems like a personal thing. How do you choose jewelry for somebody you have never met and don't know their style? 

That jewelry was not for everyday wear, its like the Crown Jewels, ceremonial and symbolic. The bride would wear it throughout the wedding celebrations and for special occasions but it was very garish and gaudy, much is 22 carat gold--no one could wear any of it on the regular. Just like those fabulous saris. Gorgeous! I was drooling! But they'd only be worn on special occasions. Look at what Mama Ashkar was wearing most of the time. Even at the lunch with Radhika, she was dressed beautifully in a lovely silk sari, but nothing like those treasures she was showing earlier. 

14 hours ago, greekmom said:

Pradhyuman's closet would be to die for. I wonder what's so secret that he has a lock that is finger print accessible only?? I still maintain the guy is gay.

His porn's in there. And his diary.

12 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

 

I liked the guidance counselor but I always felt he was too “on” all the time. I’m sure it’s how he coped with insecurity but he would wear me out. 
Nadia was another one that always felt “on” to me. I didn’t think she had much in common with the the lawyer guy she and her mother went to visit. 

I liked them both too, and I am a person that some people think of as "on" all the time. To me they read as exuberant and outgoing. Vyasar and Nadia both showed thoughtful and introspective sides. I especially enjoyed Nadia's good cheer and readiness to enjoy herself. Sometimes people are just extra, its their personality. 

7 hours ago, Angeleyes said:

There was also colorism for Nadia’s preference to date someone who is Guyanese/Indian vs someone who is strictly from Guyana. Granted, the slave history there plays into that decision, but someone who has a family that came over to Guyana as part of that slave trade will likely be lighter than someone who can trace their lineage as always being from Guyana. 

The Indian diaspora is a thing. There are Indian communities in South Africa, Australia, the Caribbean, Canada, the US, Indonesia, you name it. They deal with being considered inauthentic or "not Indian enough"--that's what I saw in Nadia. She ideally wanted someone from Guyana with Indian heritage, but she knew the pickings would be slim. Her real number one criterion was someone Indian, who understood Indian culture and traditions. And she was hurt more than once by people said they wanted a Gujarati girl or a Punjabi girl. Even though her family was Indian, she is also Guyanese. Just like an American born Korean or Jamaican or Colombian is American, at the end of the day. I don't dispute that there is colorism; I love Indian writers and have read a lot of fiction and non fiction, it's everywhere. Pick up any novel by an Indian writer with the impending marriage of any character and you'll see it. I'm just not so sure that that was the issue in Nadia's case.

I thought that the struggle of people who were born in the US or grew up here, when it came to selecting a partner, was really interesting. There are dozens of cultural and religious criteria. The Sikh girl preferred a Sikh man ideally, but would consider a non-Sikh if he was Punjabi, for example. Even happy go lucky Vyasar, who knew that he had strikes against him (even though he knew it was ridiculous and not his fault), was surprisingly old fashioned sometimes. 

Edited July 22, 2020 by Pepper Mostly

[Pepper Mostly]

11 hours ago, Neurochick said:

See, I saw that as being immature.  Like a 10 year old boy who is like, "eww girls." 

I can see that. Except he's 30 years old! He's turned down over 100 potential brides without meeting any of them. He's probably a hot property--well established family business, money, educated, good looking--if it was just immaturity, one would think that someone in the family would sit him down read him the riot act. 

[EarlGreyTea]

11 hours ago, Hanya2 said:

With Aparna, I think she's just an arrogant attorney who has to learn how to give and take with people, and in the beginning she seemed to think being pleasant was beneath her. She needs another workaholic, maybe a doctor with long hours, so they can be insufferable together.

I thought when she revealed she hated her job, it explained a LOT about her. When I was younger, I had a job I absolutely hated because of my boss. It was horrible. And I found that it seeped into other areas of my life, and I was generally unpleasant in my non-work life, and lived for the weekends. So I think that can explain at least part of the reason why Aparna is such a sourpuss. And why she travels a lot - anything to get away from the office! It's really too bad if she was forced to be a lawyer.

[Angeleyes]

1 hour ago, Pepper Mostly said:

That jewelry was not for everyday wear, its like the Crown Jewels, ceremonial and symbolic. The bride would wear it throughout the wedding celebrations and for special occasions but it was very garish and gaudy, much is 22 carat gold--no one could wear any of it on the regular. Just like those fabulous saris. Gorgeous! I was drooling! But they'd only be worn on special occasions. Look at what Mama Ashkar was wearing most of the time. Even at the lunch with Radhika, she was dressed beautifully in a lovely silk sari, but nothing like those treasures she was showing earlier. 

His porn's in there. And his diary.

I liked them both too, and I am a person that some people think of as "on" all the time. To me they read as exuberant and outgoing. Vyasar and Nadia both showed thoughtful and introspective sides. I especially enjoyed Nadia's good cheer and readiness to enjoy herself. Sometimes people are just extra, its their personality. 

The Indian diaspora is a thing. There are Indian communities in South Africa, Australia, the Caribbean, Canada, the US, Indonesia, you name it. They deal with being considered inauthentic or "not Indian enough"--that's what I saw in Nadia. She ideally wanted someone from Guyana with Indian heritage, but she knew the pickings would be slim. Her real number one criterion was someone Indian, who understood Indian culture and traditions. And she was hurt more than once by people said they wanted a Gujarati girl or a Punjabi girl. Even though her family was Indian, she is also Guyanese. Just like an American born Korean or Jamaican or Colombian is American, at the end of the day. I don't dispute that there is colorism, read a few Indian novels, it's everywhere. I'm just not so sure that that was the issue in Nadia's case.

I thought that the struggle of people who were born in the US or grew up here, when it came to selecting a partner, was really interesting. There are dozens of cultural and religious criteria. The Sikh girl preferred a Sikh man ideally, but would consider a non-Sikh if he was Punjabi, for example. Even happy go lucky Vyasar, who knew that he had strikes against him (even though he knew it was ridiculous and not his fault), was surprisingly old fashioned sometimes. 

I definitely agree with you and that’s why it’s great that this show exists because it helps to educate the American public about all the intricacies of what it means to be Indian. The other poster mentioned that they only saw one example of colorism and I wanted to mention Nadia’s situation because even though she has some valid reasons for her choices, colorism could be a factor if not the major reason why she decided to go to Auntie Sima for help. 

[Pepper Mostly]

Oh sure! And on the other hand, Rupam, the Sikh woman, had a sister who was married to an African American man! I wanted to know more about that story! How did the family react? Did it cause problems? How about HIS family? They need a show! 

[humbleopinion]

On 7/20/2020 at 4:10 PM, Bunnyette said:

Pradhyuman is gay...

Duh.

Locked walk in closet...Calling Doctor Sigmund Freud....The symbolism is as subtle as a sledgehammer to a watermelon...

All that brooding driving around at night.....

Edited July 22, 2020 by humbleopinion

[Irlandesa]

Oh my people!  I was hesitant to start a thread for this show because I didn't know if anyone else would be watching so I'm happy to see it.

On 7/21/2020 at 1:46 AM, Memphisbelly said:

I thought Akshay was in love with his cousin.

I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one.  They came across as close and she was the only one who he seemed human with. 

On 7/21/2020 at 6:04 AM, Pepper Mostly said:

I cannot wait to see how things shake out for full of herself Aparna. Dear me, who can survive a conversation with her? "I love being a lawyer!" "Ew, really?" "I enjoy the beach" "Yuck, what do you do on a beach all day?" "I'd love to visit South Africa!" "Oh. Well. South Africa is terrible". I realize that some of her attitude is defensive to avoid being hurt but that girl is a mess. She needs therapy. If I worked with her and saw her coming down the hall I'd run in the other direction. Being in her negative presence would wreck my day.

I know people found her hilarious and liked that she knew what she wanted but, in reality, I felt she knew more about what she didn't want than what she wanted. Good for TV show viewing but I am surprised people choose to hang out with her.

I do appreciate the theory that she might be a lesbian or asexual or even not really wanting to get married and therefore she sabotages her dates. Intentional sabotage would make me appreciate her more.

On 7/21/2020 at 8:03 AM, EarlGreyTea said:

Someone elsewhere thought it could also be that he just wants to be a playboy, and I agree that's at least a possibility as well, although there was no real indication that he was sleeping around. I could see him waiting until 40 and then marrying a younger Indian girl and settling down.

Yep.  Some traditional woman over whom he'll have financial and experience advantages so she won't realize until it's too late what she signed up for. 

The reason I question his wanting to just be a playboy is because he specifically stated he wasn't attracted to the people he met.  Hundreds of women, and then there are those he met, and no attraction period? 

On 7/21/2020 at 11:30 AM, GoldaVining said:

So watching this (and knowing nothing at all about Indian culture), what happens if you are gay or asexual? Do your parents just expect you to enter into a heterosexual marriage anyway?

The law that made homosexuality illegal in India was just struck down in 2018.  Naturally, attitudes had likely shifted somewhat before the decision but I imagine the more traditional families will still see being gay as a sin and would expect a heterosexual marriage.  It's probably not unlike anywhere else in the world where family acceptance will vary regardless of what the "official" law is.

When it comes to men like Akshay (maybe asexual since it doesn't seem like he did much dating in the US either?--or in love with his cousin) and Pradhyuman, their families probably have a lot of sway over what they do.  They both seem to come from well off families and work with the family business.  If they felt their families would react poorly to them being gay, they'd be risking not only being part of the family but their livelihoods and inheritances. 

I do wonder whether or not there are matchmakers who will make nontraditional unions to help their clients stay in the closet?  Like lavender marriages.

On 7/21/2020 at 9:44 PM, Kiss my mutt said:

I watched the entire season in two nights. I heard it was controversial because of colorism and almost didn’t tune in but other than the one comment that Aperna made, I didn’t hear any other overt references though I’m sure it exists as well as the caste you were born in though to a lesser degree here than India.

The most overt statement of colorism that I recall takes place in the final episode when we're introduced to a potential new client of the matchmaker.  We don't follow her journey.  We just see her listing her requirements; one of those is that he's not too dark.

I really felt for Ankita when she met with the more "modern" matchmaker only to have her sound more traditional than the main matchmaker in expecting that women will automatically follow the man should he get an opportunity somewhere else even though she's the one who already has a business where she is. It must have clicked in right there that even though she had hoped this would be a way to meet potential partners, it was just not going to be.

Sorry for the long post but in terms of "where are they now"
 

Spoiler

 

I am a little disappointed that a show based on matchmaking where love is secondary to basic compatibility and things tend to move faster that---

No matches survived the show.  Even that crazy Love Is Blind concept has two couples still married 20 months after their weddings and another couple that is still together (but not married). 

 

 

Edited July 23, 2020 by Irlandesa

[humbleopinion]

Aparna's mother lives vicariously through her daughter's achievements.

She has the bitchest resting face on the planet....tied with her daughter.

Calling the one date a loser was unkind but telling...she thinks her daughter poop doesn't smell.

Aparna has softened by the end of the season but she is still very haughty, wears her superiority like armor and saying that she hates her job that pays well and gives her status makes her look mercenary and cold.

Rashi, the vet  knows she isn't the ideal Indian female physically to be matched.

That is why Vysar is a good match for her...he has a ex felon Dad and is into his hobbies...she will come home smelling like poop since she just finished vet school, and she will want to work.

Nadia's a tough match to make..not the typical Indian pedigree, oozes desperation, wants to replicate her parents' marriage.

If her parents and she decided to date non Indians she would not be getting her heart pulled out of her chest and stomped on...time after time.

 

[athousandclowns]

Who was it that went out with Nadia 6 times?  What do you think happened there?  As it turns out I only watched 4 the first night then the rest next . 

[Bunnyette]

On 7/20/2020 at 9:42 PM, Angeleyes said:

I enjoyed this show. It’s funny and interesting, but also reflects the issues of class, colorism, sexism, etc. I finished all episodes in two days.

I think Arpana and the teacher guy Viyasar from Austin both need to address their past hurts due to their parents’ divorces and in his case, his dad’s criminal past.
Aparna’s mother drilled a mindset of accomplishments into her and everything is just a checklist to her. She doesn’t even enjoy her job or the places she travels. It’s another thing to brag about.

Viyasar seems to want to be a stay at home dad who homeschools the kids. His first pick just wasn’t down with that. I liked the vet, but she came across as not having other options and willing to settle. 

So interesting that Nadia was set up with the guy from Chicago that Aparna cast off. I’m glad she found out about Vinny’s flakiness before she got further along. 
 

I feel sorry for Radhika being set up with Akshay. His mother is a mother in-law from hell and she will have a difficult life dealing with her. He came across as such a doofus. He hit the jackpot because she was gorgeous, but it felt like she was pressured to marry him because he was rich. She could do way better.

I’m glad Ankita decided to forego the matchmakers. They were awful to her. I hope she’s able to meet someone organically. 

It’s too bad Rupam who was Sikh and divorced had such a hard time finding a match. I figured she might find someone at her local church/community center instead. The guy she met online was giving me red flags since he wasn’t willing to go public with their relationship. 

I was surprised that the last episode didn’t offer more updates. Maybe we’ll get more episodes

Hopefully there’ll be a season 2!

[Hanya2]

I don't know, from her point of view he stood her up twice, which makes him a jerk. I don't get it. If you want to end a relationship, be a man and have a conversation with the person. Unless there's more that we don't know.

It bothered me that when discussing it with her mother while being taped, the mother told her it was because she was too independent.

I would tell my daughter that she deserves to be treated a lot better than that.

 

[humbleopinion]

Vinay was the Guyanese guy who lead Nadia on by starting out of the gate hot and heavy....then he flakes big time when he texted he was on his way to meet her and her 2 gfs for drinks...his excuse for not showing up was he was arguing with his sister.

He then stood her up a second time and that’s when her heart got stomped on by him.

Moving on...
Nadia and mother flew to Chicago to go out with Aparna’s reject...the happy lawyer.
But not a match...

You can feel Nadia’s loneliness through the screen....

[Pepper Mostly]

37 minutes ago, Hanya2 said:

I don't know, from her point of view he stood her up twice, which makes him a jerk. I don't get it. If you want to end a relationship, be a man and have a conversation with the person. Unless there's more that we don't know.

It bothered me that when discussing it with her mother while being taped, the mother told her it was because she was too independent.

I would tell my daughter that she deserves to be treated a lot better than that.

 

I don't get why a guy like Vinay, who clearly is not interested in settling down, would bother with a matchmaker. You just want to date? Go on Tinder! It was hella disrespectful of Sima Auntie, Nadia, her family, (and his!) to treat something that everyone is doing in good faith, that both parties are actively seeking a partner in life, a potential spouse, like a dating app. He was the one I ended up disliking the most for that reason. More than Aparna, or Sima Auntie's friend Gita even! He just strung Nadia along. She was looking for a husband. He wasn't looking for a wife. I liked her and I felt so bad for her when she just broke down and said she was lonely. 

[Hanya2]

With some of these people, I wonder if they just wanted to be on TV.

 

[Angeleyes]

Vinay shares his side of events on his Instagram page. It’s in the Where Are They Now article I posted. Despite some he said/she said stuff and possible reality show shenanigans, he still seems flaky to me. He probably just wanted to be on the show to promote his business and become a fitness influencer. 
 

Has anyone seen the documentary Sima Auntie was a part of called An Appropriate Girl? There is a short trailer for the documentary on YouTube, but she does not appear in those 2 minutes. I’m hoping Netflix will add the documentary soon. 
 

 

[Neurochick]

One of the things I found interesting is that there seems to be just as much pressure men to marry as there is on women.  In the West, at least in the US, there's more pressure on the woman and almost zero pressure on the man.  That's why shows like "Married at First Sight" suck, because there's more pressure on women, the women come on the show really looking for love, while the men are kind of there. 

Speaking of colorism, the woman in India who was set up with the divorced man, looked like she'd been bleaching her skin in one scene. 

I don't doubt that there is colorism, but what to do?  People will always have their preferences.  Nothing you can really do about it; it's a shame but in the case of a person's private just have to live and let live.

As for settling, well that's kind of what happens in life.  In reality the sky really isn't the limit for everybody.

Edited July 23, 2020 by Neurochick

[Irlandesa]

3 hours ago, Hanya2 said:

With some of these people, I wonder if they just wanted to be on TV.

 

I read an article about this show and apparently the matchmaker contacted her clients to see who would be willing to do this process on TV.  They followed a number of people and then narrowed it down to what we saw.

So it sounds like everyone who appeared on the show was a client of hers even if many of them did not seem interested in actually getting married.