Toaster Strudel

Monday looks boring, I will skip.

That was Friday, "Get Out of My House:" The Ultimate Mother vs. Nanny Feud

Some crazy control freak went on craigslist to get a nanny to work for her for literally no pay, gets caught in her own scam by a litigious crazy and her equally crazy family. The sister in the audience went from 0 to 100 in half a second, I thought she might rush over the the stage and stab her with her anger.

That was so much fun! Everyone except the guys were really into it. The models sure enjoyed strutting it to Mackenzie's recitations of their crazy biographies. I thought that one model with the huge, gorgeous eyes would win it for whichever contestant was working on her. I was crushed to see that Kelly had made her amazing, already-alien eyes completely disappear into pools of hideous, sickly looking colors. For shame! I am glad she went home. I actually liked Ben's alien, she was beautiful, just not in a fashion model kind of way.

Hell child... OMG, the parents had one wall with a dozen crucifixes, and the other wall with pentacles and other Satanic imagery... and no one mentioned that?

They're probably doctors in India. I just hate his philosophy of reuniting family members at any cost.

I really don't see the point of the abused woman continuing a relationship with her abusive mother. Abusers are always abusers.

I didn't think it was possible to make the show's jingle worse until they added a guest vocalist. I still only watch for Fred.

I was about to drink a gallon of Drano to end it all when Jimmy Fallon announced that Judge Judy has been renewed by CBS until 2020! Abort! Abort! A reason to live!

Her voice, her voice! How it grates on my nerves. Shrill and nasal, screeching and metallic, strident and hoarse...shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

She has the most grating voice on all media. They should put her through autotune, maybe it will improve it.

Today's Matt & Ilene - He is paranoid delusional, a psychiatric case, he needs medication and sustained care.

All repeats today.

That's where I saw it promoted!

Two Scams Don't Make A Case - A young woman helps another without a license get financing for a car, then puts her on her insurance. The scammers weren't welcome in JJ's courtroom or in my living room! 2 gavels. Goats vs. Pitbull - The defendants' pitbull was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" - what's next, accusing animal control of planting false evidence? Sorry you're upset the plaintiff wanted to kill your stupid demon dog, but the beast had eaten her two pets. 2 dead goats. Pay Attention To Mother! - Dumb car with dumber repairs. One gavel.

I think Patti was as bored with Julissa as I was. What a downer. Patti asking: "where's the depth!!???!!!" was pretty rich. So I was really looking forward to the second "client" and boy was I disappointed. He was just as boring as Julissa. Art gallery casting call was still an obvious casting call. Painting ceramic figurines? Blue bikini date? zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lottery husband was dumb as rocks, and an abuser. Mentally he was 5 years old. What did he do with his winnings? He bought a bunch of life size hot wheels. The "missing money" was probably spent on gas to power his toys. What a tool.

Sexting Wolverine is suing his poor auntie! Let's clutch our pearls!

The second episode was a repeat. Here is the recap for the first one. Sexting Wolverine - Druken BBQ leads to long-suffering baby momma discovering her wolverine deadbeat boyfriend was sexting other "females," and wolverine suing his aunt for vandalizing his car. Sounds dull? Indeed... but wait for the shocking twist of who probably did it (hint: the litigant that made a goldfish face when JJ busted her), worth a good 3 gavels! Black Bra - I didn't know if I should call this case "Black Bra" or "Transparent Sweater." It's a routine young room mates case with a variety of mesmerizing angles on the very visible undergarment. One B-cup gavel.

The woman that sent 1.4 million to Nigeria must have really valued poorly written love letters.

Hugs to you, it's not easier because they are very old!

LOL and I thought the stupid dog was "Argon" - it made sense as a dog name, since argon is a noble gas.

Stepdick - A kerfuffle over curfew and a car turns into a low-key, civilized, subdued affair in JJ's courtroom. One gavel. You'll Want That Soup Recipe, Too! - Especially after this dull, landlady/tenant case of a sanitation bill and some cash, that had all the excitement of trying to file your taxes without any of your income slips. One soup can. Barber of Bumville - Mother is on the hook for her son's lapses in rent payments, and his pregnant, dumb-as-rocks girlfriend. The loveslugs are done playing house, now they are back living with relatives. Two gavels, but barely. "Victim Of Arson Fire" - Aw shucks, that poor truck! I hate it when inanimate objects are victimized! See what happens when you block someone on Facebook to prevent them from sending your pictures to your incarcerated husband? Betches start wanting their charred, melted trucks back. 2.5 gavels. Winking Dog? - Two ugly purebred mutant dogs get into it, one them gets an eye scratch, a vet gets $500 richer, and the defendant barely denied responsibility. One gavel. On the plus side... tomorrow's cases look like pretty good!

Thanks for all the well wishes, end-of-life decisions are a bit of a rough patch to say the least, I am grateful to compassionate medical staff. Back to snark? Asian chick. She had those huge black contact lenses meant to make your irises look unnaturally large, like an anime character or doll.

Elderly relative has taken a turn for the worse, thanks to CoolWhipLite for filling in!