Toaster Strudel

Is the second show new episodes? I skipped it.

I have yet to comment on this because I am just too furious that anyone would do this horrible thing to someone vulnerable then spill it to the tabloids. It's unimaginable, yet it happened.

Ah! I love you, Missy, so funny, collected, clever, and deliciously evil... to Clara! I love the actress' rendition of the character, which is incredibly resourceful, into something completely deranged.

"Well I was expecting to win this lawsuit to move!" "A-move!!!" 5 gavels LOL

I doubt that the dog was 'lured' since it was obviously out of the owner's control.

Kinda like yesterday's defendant, who wanted to testify on the 'character of her dog' and insisted that the neighbors had lured her dangerous animal on their property. Dog people are benignly crazy about their dogs - but some take it to a frightening, criminal, and sometimes deadly extreme.

Pope, Shpope, Judge Judy is my spriritual leader! She should pre-empt everything else.

LOL teebax, thinking like a true JJ fan! I don't know about you guys... but as soon as I walk out of Wal-Mart, I expect that pants start at $50. Quick fixes: lose some weight or call them shorts.

I really love Missy and I would watch just for her. I was grateful that Clara's usual petulant emotional meltdown with the doctor was less than a dozen lines, and that she wasn't there for most of the beginning. Her absence gives the plot so much breathing room.

Something Unsavory... Yes, But What? - This one left me puzzled. NYC dad sues deadbeat Florida mom for a trip he took where she wouldn't let him see his child. I paused to read the text messages and they were like gibberish. She regularly drops out of school and gets kicked out by her hosts. She met some woman and her son in Florida and now the son is her boyfriend... the only hint is that she told the plaintiff she'd be willing to prostitute herself. Maybe she's turning tricks, pole-dancing and snorting coke? That's my guess. One enigmatic gavel.

Maybe they have a family of goldfish that the internet sales help keep in fish flakes.

Gaby won? Who? She made no impression on me at all.

Enemy Babysitter - The hand that rocks the cradle makes frivolous calls to CPS about the defendant (mother/ex-wife) over accusations so vague she could barely verbalize them, and over "incidents" that logically must have happened under the father's (ex-husband) care... and even serves her legal papers! That is some nerve. The father couldn't see his kids for a month but he needed a babysitter 5 nights a week for his penis during this time. As soon as the penis sitter used the word 'disrespect' I knew the altercation was right around the corner. I was amazed with the defendant pulling out a ceramic mug from her car to toss at the sitter. Ceramic! That's classy... and then, marvel of marvels, she pulled another ceramic mug to bash her again! Wow! Does she have those little hooks in the car to display her china cups? A car Keurig, maybe? I loved the penis sitter's statements that the defendant, who had twins with the absent object of their affection, had only been married for 'papers.' Right. For papers, and for having twins. In the hallterview the penis sitter brought up once again how much the kids loved her, with a shit-eating grin, a boast that doubles as a dig into the mother's heart. I am impressed with the defendant not pulling out more ceramic in the hallterview, she has more self-control than I do. 4 gavels for JJ calling out the penis sitter over and over.

My Judge Judy broadcast is now at 16:00 and on a different channel! No more previews!

It's too cold for these where I live, I am not familiar with the lingo! I think the litigants themselves called it "trailer."

Live Free and Drive - Judge Judy and I learn something new everyday. Some of you will, too. You don't have to have car insurance in New Hampshire! Why insure your allegedly rarely used car that you let your nervous, inexperienced, frog-faced daughter drive? Yes, that daughter, the one that thinks she has the right of way making a left turn on a green light. Stretchy Linda on Intervention was right, left turns are cursed. New Hampshire is safe now, they got insurance after the accident. One gavel. Wal-Mart Parking Lot Wheelin'N'Dealin' - A slice of life with people that live in trailer parks and mooch off neighbors with their kids, cat, and puppy. Talk about crowded. They all dream of motorcycles that they have to sell quick and cheap when rent is overdue. Rolly polly defendant could have a career doing voice-overs for the chipmunks or the Munchkins if they do a remake of the Wizard of Oz. Two gavels. Intervention - Speaking of Intervention and Stretchy Linda... we have Gambling Gabe's little brother and his enabler. The defendant claimed that his employed girlfriend just happened to be taking out loan after loan to buy stuff like groceries, so he thought she might as well 'help' him with his drugs and his gambling. By 'help' he meant pay his drug and gambling debts. You can see a 'no expectation to be repaid' on the horizon but JJ had fun getting them to admit that she was giving him money for meth and that his dealer/bookie was demanding repayment. Three gavels. "I REALLY Don't Want To Hear 'Basically!'" - I think we have a record for overuse of 'basically.' When I was young, and someone dared to speak ill of the nobility, we would signal our intention to challenge them with a sword duel to the death by dropping an embroidered handkerchief at their feet. Nowadays, the most insignificant slight to a commoner gets labelled 'disrespect,' people get in 'each other's faces,' roll over with fisticuffs, and make a spectacle of themselves. The world really is going to pot. Medical pot. Prescribed to healthy young adult that like to get high for legitimate medical purposes. Mkay. Two gavels. Tomorrow's preview: dead cat :(

We have a theme today! Vehickles! Why Did The Stupid Dog Cross The Road - I wasn't sure if I was watching Judge Judy because the plaintiff used words like "discombobulated" and "excreting" as an unintentional euphemism for "defecating" - but then the defendant said "rate of speed" so I was relieved it was the right program. The plaintiff was all emo about her stupid dog getting hit by a hoopty and was doing a lot of holding-back-the-tears grimacing, and boo-hoo'ing in the hallterview. I mean I get it, but get over it, and stop acting like it happened 5 minutes ago. I hope she gets some help with her unhealthy emotional attachment to her dog or takes acting classes and learns to turn down the scenery-chewing dial, depending on the source of her problem. 1.5 gavel. Hoopty's Buyer's Remorse - Some dude buys a hoopty from his sister and after paying for a year, has an epiphany: "sure looks like ah' paid too much money for this here hoopty right now!" and stops paying. Well guess what. That's not a defense. It's malarkey. Malarkey, malarkey, malarkey. One gavel. Hoopty Love - More buyer's remorse, this time with a twist of lemon, pun intended. Some lady with an unhealthy emotional attachment to cars falls in love with a 2000 Toyota with 86,000 sexy miles. She is in such a rush to buy this gem that she balks at the lowest hurdle to get the car to a mechanic first, and surprise! It needed $6000 in repairs and didn't pass smog... though it passed smog elsewhere 3 days before the sale... mmm... halfway through the case, JJ figured out that failing smog was a set up for her to get out of the deal. I love you Judge Judy. Three wheels. Smashed Hoopty DUI - Two drunk girls at a bawhr, one leaves the bawhr, gets into the other one's cawhr, smashes a bunch of cawhrs in the parking lot. She remembers nothing, but she didn't do it... and won't ever drink again. Sounds a little guilty to me. Have a nice trip back to New York! One gavel.

The Wrong Car Knifing - Some young adults, possibly well off, host a party where some guests rummage through the drawers to steal valuables and get kicked out. In retaliation for being "unfairly" kicked out, the slack-jawed, mush-brained defendant knifed the hood of the Mercedes... of the wrong person. Judge Judy: "Let's get to the hood of the car!!!" Defendant: "Uh?" You know she's guilty. 3.5 gavels because this level of stupidity is a spectacle worth watching. Stranded From Maury Povich - Three kids from three different fathers with whom Mom of the Year hasn't even spent more than 3 years with the sum of the baby daddies. One unfortunate child is 10, one is 7, the last still in the womb, conceived in a one-month long "relationship." JJ made it quite clear that she was in the business of getting herself impregnated with human tomcats for child support. She was suing her most recent stud for a loan of $600 for "rent and probation" for his drug charges. JJ recommended a DNA test. 3 gavels from 3 different judges. Dumb Dog Park - Argh, stupid dogs, you take them to a dog park and they turn into Cujo. What else is new? This was really repetitive and boring. Should have been over in 1 minute, and 1 gavel. Prepare to Pause - Some under the table car deal goes wrong... no proofs, no insurance, nothing... made up evidence... worth watching only to see Byrd's face when he is sent to fetch some "evidence," takes a look at it, and cannot hide his exasperation. It's a fleeting shot, be ready to capture it! 2 gavels for Byrd.

The models were so broad of shoulders that none of the silhouettes were remotely feminine.

Only a mailbox away!

The plaintiff looked 60+... Nasty Old Bat looked deep into her 80's.

Sorry for the delay, a chatty friend called! No Slander Here! Classic JJ where you'd think things aren't going well for the defendant because she is blowing up her stories with inconsistencies, but then, JJ turns to the plaintiff and suddenly things aren't going well for the other side and the defendant is literally beaming and nodding in approval. The plaintiff bought a second car in January, and stopped paying for her older car at the same time, which did not endear her to our favorite testy jurist. It was pretty obvious then that she had tried to unload the car on the defendant with thousands owing, and was trying to scam JJ to pay for a car that she wasn't paying for herself and had been repo'd. 4 gavels. The defendant was adorable in the hallterview. Canine Semen: This case is about buying canine semen and associated natural turkey-basting service for the purposes of breeding dogs. The terms of the "agreement" were vague, either the stud owner agreed to "name a puppy" or just "wanted to be a doggie grandpa" or wanted half the "profits" that were declared by the bitch owner to be "zero." Woof! woof! woof! gavels. Nasty Old Bat Gets Reamed: Ooooh if you only watch one case, watch this one. Meow, meow, meow, hiss! Vicious old lady starts out looking so sweet and calm and innocent but she showed her teeth and her claws right there in the court room, and to our everlasting delight, JJ has no mercy for the elderly or the handicapped when they misbehave. Some neighbor was slicing her wrists on her porch (a bit of attention getting I guess) and Nasty Old Bat got vexed that the plaintiff that she got to call 911 didn't make sufficient drama about it, so in a fit of anger she tossed the phone on the ground and broke it, which she later admitted to the police. When JJ got wise to what went on (the police report was hilarious and crucial to the case), she booted out NOB's 8 yr old grandchild so she wouldn't witness the reaming of her granny. What the coconut was an 8 yr old doing there??? Anyhoo NOB had called the plaintiff (to the police, no less!) a slut (a 60 yr old slut, mkay), complained about weeds in her flower beds, and opined about her financial priorities "she should pay her bills not fancy phones" JJ read some gems that the police quoted verbatim: "I don't want to give the slut money" while boasting that "money is no object" LOL. She called the cops to "amend" her previous admission while complaining that the plaintiff had hurt her arm, and she's so frail, and she needed an order of protection, wah wah wah. In a last dig in the court, demanded that JJ question the plaintiff on how many times she'd been married and how many men she'd slept with. In the hallterview, NOB insisted that she was doing the "work of the good lord." Yes, yes you were; and for that, your case gets 5 gavels. You are the answer to our prayers!

I am writing today's recaps; ladies and gents, we have a 5 gavel. Prepare yourselves!

Jaja's routine with Cyrus was terrible choreo. She spent half her time just walking around normally, I could have done that half of the routine myself, I can walk. The dumb bashing of glass beakers was more time taken away from actual dancing. Add to that the fact that animation has a certain stillness to it that counters "dance" and the routine was dance-free, and animation-poor.

Only one episode today, Labor Day! I think it's to clear the schedule for the PGA tournament, yawn. The Need for Speed Dial: The defendant borrowed the plaintiff's smart phone repeatedly while they were at some gym with kids (like the jungle gym at McDonald's???) and after she cracked it, she tried to sneak it into the plaintiff's purse instead of handing it. The plaintiff couldn't explain why she was suspicious because her lips were outrunning her brain, but JJ got to the bottom of it. Two gavels. Gavels! Gavels are back! Hostile Living Situation: The plaintiff is suing for everything. Rent, harassment, lost wages, emotional distress, parking fees, alienation of affection, lèse-majesté and treason. OK maybe I am exaggerating, but not a lot. This is classic Judge Judy where a tenant starts to demand things outside the lease (the garage) and when things don't happen fast enough, she docks off some of the monthly rent then changes the lock... with the landlord's belongings still in the garage. Of course eviction proceedings get rolling... then she pays up. Woe is me, the landlord is seen around the property, so scary, so her daughter's 17 yr old boyfriend sleeps over for "protection." Uh-uh. Naturally the landlord now wants an extra $100 for the new inhabitant. The plaintiff really thought she was going to win this one, but you need a case, not just adrenaline and the crazy eyes. When it turned out she had stripped the flooring and the doorknobs before leaving (she said that the landlord promised to reimburse her for the flooring she wanted and installed, and didn't, so she took it back), it didn't go well. Four gavels, boosted by a hallterview that is a work of art and deserves a full five gavels. The plaintiff herself was a no-show but her daughter made up for it with abundant tears and "it's not fair!" "it's not faiiiiiiiiir!!!!" then getting aggressive with god knows who behind the camera, "what are you smiling about?" "Does this make you happy to do this to people?" She was really upset that the landlord was "around" and "creepy." Toughen up, cookie, don't buy into your mom's drama. I hope they learned a valuable lesson about leases and getting stuff in writing.