miles2go

The place ought to be shut down, given its laxity. They don't have enough personnel to keep an eye on their patients? Not even an alarm on the doors? It wasn't the councilor, though, who had sex with her, it was one of the other patients.

I'm starting to agree with those who think the killer is going to be the same as in Broadchurch. Most of the clues seem to point in that direction. Still, I'm really wondering about Tom. The reasons he gave for running off like that don't seem very credible to me. I wonder what he was really up to?

Enjoyed the episode. A real artificial intelligence? That kind of scares me, too. Kitty, you're doing great! As for Andrew -- I still don't trust him, but I have to admit I have no good reason to feel that way.

KILLERS FROM SPACE (1954) As in our previous offering, the trio of Wilder, Wilder, and Raynor are the creative minds behind this B-flick. We begin with stock footage of an atom bomb test explosion in Soledad Flats. Dr. Doug Martin, played by Peter Graves (best known for his role as Jim Phelps in TV's Mission: Impossible) is the lead scientist in the project. He and a nameless pilot fly over the test site a few days afterward. It's not entirely clear what they're looking for, but what they see is something glowing in the debris. Then the controls freeze and the airplane plummets downward to an inevitable deadly crash. Back at headquarters, Dr. Martin's wife, Ellen, is given the bad news. They can't find her husband's body, but the pilot is dead and the plane itself is a total loss, so it's very unlikely that Doug has survived. Ellen bravely accepts the grim news. A couple of days later, a disheveled man staggers into the base. It's Doug Martin and he's very much alive, although he can't remember a thing from the time of the crash to his arrival at headquarters. He's examined by the base physician, who can't find anything wrong with him, except there's a large, L-shaped scar on his chest. The physician is sure it is a surgical scar, not a wound from the crash; Doug claims he has never had surgery in his life. The situation worries the military brass, who wonder if this is the real Dr. Doug Martin. But all the tests indicate that he is who he says he is, so he's allowed to go back home, although he's placed on the inactive list. The base physician encourages Ellen to keep her husband entertained with calming activities, but a regimen of movies, bridge, and drives doesn't do much for the restless Doug. He wants to go back to work; not only do they refuse him that,but they won't give him any information over the phone, either. And on top of everything else, Doug doesn't sleep well -- he keeps having these visions of eyes staring at him. Now, a word about these eyes: we see scenes of them hovering in mid-air, like a spectral vision. From what I've read, they are supposed to be large, bloodshot, and bulbous. Unfortunately -- and this may be the result the Mill Creek DVD's poor visual quality --these eyes look more like a couple of glazed doughnuts floating in the air. So, instead of thinking "Yikes!", I'm thinking, "Doughnuts and coffee . . .mmmmm." Kind of spoils the atmosphere. One day, Doug picks up the morning paper from his front porch, and sees a headline announcing a recent atom bomb test explosion. The scientist is aghast -- he's their top scientist! Not only did they run a test without his involvement, but they didn't even tell him about it! He rushes into headquarters, only to be firmly told that he shouldn't even be on base. Doug manages to hide out until closing time, then sneaks off to the "top secret" room (which he enters with surprising ease), where he copies down information on a slip of paper. He's a very careless spy, however; not only does he leave the cupboard doors open but he spills a bit of pipe tobacco on the floor. It's not long before a guard discovers the security breach, and Doug Martin becomes suspect number one. I'm going to skip over some boring stuff, and jump to Doug, having been apprehended, tied down in a hospital bed and given a truth serum. Under the influence of the drug, Doug's memory comes back. He tells a fantastic story: After the crash, Doug awakens in a cavern filled with bulbous-eyed aliens. They're inserting something into his chest -- the alien leader explains that Doug died in the crash, so they had to give him a new heart. The big-eyed folk come from Astron Delta, and they plan on taking over Earth with the help of some over-sized spiders, lizards, snakes, and assorted other creepy-crawlies. These they are breeding using the radiation from the atomic blasts. They want Doug to supply them with information about the test blasts; he tries a bluff, pretending cooperation, but the aliens realize he is lying and hypnotize him. Now freed from the effects of the alien brainwashing, Doug works out a plan to save human kind. But will he be allowed to put it into effect? Like yesterday's flick, this one is rather slow-moving in spots, and frequently pretty silly. It has some good points, though: one is Peter Graves, who gives a very believable performance. Unfortunately, everyone else is just so-so. Another good point is the avoidance of some typical B-movie cliches. For instance, Ellen does not get carried off by the bug-eyed aliens. (Nor does she ever scream, as far as I recall.) So it's a passable flick. Recommended for bad movie lovers only. Rating:2/5

PHANTOM FROM SPACE (1953) This movie and the two that will follow were directed and produced by W. Lee Wilder; the script writers were his son, Myles Wilder and William Raynor. If you're a film buff, that name "Wilder" will ring a bell: Billy Wilder, director and author of numerous films, including such classics as Sunset Blvd and Double Indemnity. W. Lee Wilder was his less talented brother who produced and directed a whole string of B flicks, often working with his son, Myles. It's a shame the talent genes were so unevenly distributed in that family. Our current film starts with lots of stock footage of airplanes and radar apparatus and people in control centers. They're tracking a fast-moving UFO traveling over Alaska and down the North American coast, where it finally disappears in the vicinity of Santa Monica. Soon after, radio and TV reception goes wonky in the area. The Feds send out people to investigate. Meanwhile, the police have their hands full due to some very odd events. First off, a trio of campers are approached by a man in what seems to be a diving suit. That's weird enough, but this fellow doesn't appear to have a head. One of the campers freaks out and hits the stranger with a piece of wood; the guy-with-no-head retaliates by injuring one man and killing another. Second incident: Man is found murdered ; a witness says the attacker was someone wearing a helmet. Third incident: an explosion at an oil refinery; once again, a witness describes someone wearing a helmet with apparently no head inside. So, a bunch of people go to the oil refinery, thinking Mr. Helmet may still be there, and he is. They chase him around and Mr. Helmet hides in an old shack and removes his suit and headgear. And then we find out why no one could see a head -- he's invisible! So we may as well start calling him "Phantom" since that's what's in the title. Anyway, the investigators find the discarded outfit and bring it to a Dr. Wyatt for examination. He and his assistant, Barbara Randall, discover that the suit is radioactive and impervious to cutting and burning, nor does it react to acid. The helmet has an air tank that contains a mixture of gases that would be impossible for a human to breathe. Conclusion: the invisible fugitive is a space alien who was on the crashed UFO. He won't be able to survive for long without his helmet, so he's going to come looking for it. As it turns out, they don't have long to wait. What follows is a mixture of sense and nonsense that seems to be typical of a W. Lee Wilder movie: Randall is alone in the same laboratory in which the space suit and helmet are being kept. The door opens and shuts without her noticing. The Phantom is now in the room, and puts on his helmet to breathe in his special air. He also locks the door. Randall keeps her head and tries to communicate with him. Then her husband comes by, and encounters the locked door. Randall calmly explains the situation and urges him to get the others. But when Mr. Randall, Dr. Wyatt and the other folk return, the lab door is open, Mrs. Randall is nowhere to be seen, and the helmet is back on the work table. Everyone goes off hunting for Barbara. We have a scene with the unconscious lady carried aloft by an unseen presence -- the Phantom has carried her off to some other part of the building. When the coast is clear, he brings her back to the lab. Sense: Randall reacts to the situation sensibly, although I'm a little puzzled at what the Phantom is trying to accomplish. It may be he realizes that others are coming and he will be trapped in the laboratory; when Barbara's husband leaves, he takes the opportunity to escape and then later return to his all important helmet with its air supply. Nonsense: Why drag along Randall? Why not just grab the helmet and run? And why is Randall unconscious? Did she faint? Was she overcome by the radiation? Did the Phantom knock her out? The sequence continues: Phantom again puts on the helmet; he is now breathing with difficulty (the air supply is probably getting low). As Randall recovers consciousness,the alien picks up some scissors -- she is at first alarmed, thinking he is going to attack her -- but he uses them to rap on the table. She realizes that he is trying to communicate, and jots down the pattern of raps, thinking that it may be a sort of Morse code. She also picks up an ultraviolet lamp and shines it at the scissors. In the ultraviolet light, a hand appears grasping the scissors. Randall then screams in fear. Sense: Both Phantom and Randall do their best to communicate in what is probably a hopeless situation. Using the ultraviolet lamp is also sensible; it may not work, but it's worth a try. Nonsense: Why the scream? Barbara already knows Phantom is present and must have some sort of limb in order to manipulate the scissors. She wants to see if the alien will be visible in ultraviolet light; she is hoping to see something. So when she does see something, she screams? If nothing else, this sequence illustrates a couple of B-movie rules. The first is: if a monster and a female are both in a film, the monster must at some point carry off the female. She will either be unconscious or screaming and kicking. If the monster does not carry off the female, put that scene in the movie poster, anyway. Second rule: a female, no matter how level-headed, must scream at least once, because . . . well, because. Should I recommend this film? Well, I don't know. It's got some good ideas, but they're rather poorly executed. The flick is very slow-moving and overly-talkie. Still, a fan of bad movies may find it worthwhile. Maybe multi-task while watching -- have a crossword puzzle or a knitting project or something of the sort handy to get you through the dull patches. Rating: 2/5

Fun episode, loved the Clue references and the old dark house parody. Thought it got a little too talkie towards the end, with the killer giving her background all in one monologue (well, almost a monologue) Killer Dean is downright scary.

LASER MISSION, aka SOLDIER OF FORTUNE (1990) Ah, an action flick, marinated in testosterone and spiced with some really unfunny humor. The word "laser" is in the title, so it must be science fiction-y, no? Well, not really; in fact, not at all. Lasers barely appear in this movie, although they are referred to several times. This production does, however, have a science fiction moment, but I'm not going to tell you what it is yet. You'll have to wait for it. Now, for our three leads: Michael Gold (played by Brandon Lee, son of martial arts star Bruce Lee): He's the "soldier of fortune" of the alternate title, sort of a free-lance spy, currently employed by the CIA. Professor Braun (played by Ernest Borgnine): Important scientist, apparently German (at least, he has a German name and accent), who specializes in lasers. Alissa (played by Debi Monahan. No, I never heard of her either. IMDB says she had guest roles in ST:Deep Space Nine and Voyager, but I don't remember her) She's the professor's daughter. Also assorted bad guys ,mostly either German or Russian or maybe both. Included in the "bad guy" category are two soldiers who may be Cuban. They're the very uncomical comic relief. They sort of turn into good guys late in the movie, but they're still not funny. Plot: Professor Braun is kidnapped by the bad guys. Gold is hired to get him back. Why the CIA had to hire a freelance spy to do this, is never explained. He seeks out Alissa, the Prof's daughter, thinking she might know about his contacts, interests, etc. Alissa is pretty and wears a low-cut dress. Soon, Gold and Alissa Braun are on the run, aiming to find the Prof while staying one step ahead of the bad guys. Ms. Braun, a veterinarian, is surprisingly adept at spy skills like shooting guns and reckless driving. The action: Shooting, explosions, car chases, fist fights, daring escapes, lame one-liners. Mix these elements up, and repeat in endless loop. For variety, throw in a guillotine, bow-and-arrow, shrunken heads, a big stolen diamond, a desert trek, a horse, and an old, grizzled miner who disappears overnight. Now, I hope you're ready, because we are approaching the Science Fiction Moment. Gold, captured by the bad guys, finds himself tied up and in the same room with Prof. Braun. Braun tells him that the bad guys want him for his skills; he knows how to use a diamond and a laser to create a nuclear bomb. The words in italics are this movie's Science Fiction Moment. I mean, just in case you missed it. Borgnine does a pretty good job with his role; it's too bad he doesn't get much screen time. Brandon Lee is an adequate performer, and, as you might expect, does some martial arts stuff. I've never seen a Bruce Lee movie, so I don't know how he compares to his father. The rest of the cast are barely passable. Recommended? No. If you like macho action flicks, there are much better ones available. Rating: 1/5

Finn doesn't have much judgement in her boyfriends, does she? I seem to remember another fellow who turned out to be a rotter. Or am I confusing her with someone else?

ASSIGNMENT: OUTER SPACE , aka SPACE MEN (Italian, dubbed) (1960) The year is 2116. Ray Peterson, a reporter for "Interplanetary Chronicle of New York", is traveling into deep space to investigate infrared radiation something-or-other. This sounds terribly dull; it's a good thing the subject is never mentioned again, or this movie would be even more boring than it is. Ray arrives at a space station ZX34 to find that he is not exactly welcome; the commander, named George, wants him to stay out of the way and not do anything without getting permission first. Ray's a brash soul and this "get permission first" business doesn't sit too well with him. And so, when the ship that transported him into deep space is getting re-fueled, Ray dons a space suit and goes outside to record the process for his newspaper. Just then a meteorite comes zooming by, heading right for crewman Y13. Ray pushes the astronaut out of the way, but in the process Ray ends up tumbling into the fuel hose, dislodging it and causing a whole lot of hydrazine to spill into space. The commander is none too pleased with Ray,even though he did save a crewman's life, and gives the reporter a stern lecture. In a bit of a sulk, Ray goes off to find Y13, and, rather predictably, discovers that Y13 is an attractive young woman named Lucy. He finds her in the hydroponics lab; Lucy is actually the ship's navigator, but she likes to mess about with plants in her spare time. Ray -- this guy doesn't waste time -- immediately starts hitting on her, using pick-up lines like: "I'd like to buy these flowers from you so I can give them back". Lucy doesn't exactly fall for this stuff, but she doesn't throw him out an air lock, either. Now a crisis develops: an experimental spaceship, Alpha 2, is out of control due to a faulty computer. It had only one crew member, who has died, and the ship's photonic generators are creating so much heat that anything within a 5000 mile radius will be burnt to a crisp. And it's headed straight towards Earth! As our valiant space men and women, and one reporter, rush to destroy this threat to human life, sacrifices are made and heroic deeds are performed. And it all just about put me to sleep. I give the film credit for at least some attempt to be progressive; an important character is Al, a black pilot and engineer. He's portrayed as being intelligent and very competent, unusual for 1960 (at least in American cinema). There are women in the space program, but we only see two -- Lucy and a nameless lady on the Venus space station. I get the uncomfortable feeling that Lucy's character was included only to provide a love interest for Ray. (and Commander George also has an interest in her, adding a bit of tension to his relationship with that pesky reporter.) I'm not sure whether to recommend this or not -- it's by no means totally bad, but it is quite dull and the dubbing is awful. If you like "hard" science fiction, you might want to give it a look, although, not being a scientist, I can't vouch for its accuracy. Rating: 2/5

Thought it might be him the way he reacted to the news that his partner was still alive, like he was more worried than pleased. So. I suppose his next move will be to murder her in her hospital bed? (that's speculation, not spoiler)

I think it might be "diary'"

Finally found time to watch this one -- not sure it was worth the wait. Guess it wasn't bad, but two crazy shooters at the same conference? That screechy noise is my credulity being stretched.

Poor Coogan -- made millions as a child star, but his mom and step-dad squandered it all. By the time he was an adult, there was nothing left. So I suppose he had to get work wherever he could find it. Still, I loved him as Uncle Fester.

MESA OF LOST WOMEN (1953) This may well be the most idiotic opening for a movie ever filmed: Man stares blankly at the camera. Female hands with very long nails reach up to caress him. Soon the rest of the woman appears on screen and kisses the man. He keels over, dead. Male voice-over: "Have you ever been kissed by a girl like this?" Um . . . I don't suppose so, considering I'm still alive. Now the film starts, we're watching a man and woman struggling across a desert landscape, and the narrator -- same guy who did the pre-credit voice-over -- is blathering on about the puniness of humanity and how great is the insect world, blah, blah, blah, off the beaten path, blah, blah, loss of reason, blah, blah, don't bet against the insects, desert of death, blah, blah . . . is this guy never going to shut up? So now there's an off-roads vehicle with a couple of guys and they happen to see the man and woman staggering around and the narrator announces that they will not be living things for long, but he's a big liar, because next we're at a field hospital run by an oil company, and everybody's alive. Seems the fellows in the all-terrain vehicle were doing a little survey work when they stumbled upon the lost couple, who are now recuperating from their ordeal. The man recovers consciousness and starts babbling about huge bugs, nothing scares them but fire, we must destroy them, et cetera. And then he mentions Dr. Aranya, and one of the oil men, named Pepe, looks alarmed. This sets off the narrator again. Now he's yapping about all the rumors Pepe has heard about Zarpa Mesa and Dr. Aranya and grotesque people and . . .look, why doesn't he just let Pepe speak for himself? But now we're going into a flashback and Pepe doesn't get a chance to talk. A world famous scientist named Leland Masterson has come to visit Dr. Aranya at his remote laboratory on Zarpa Mesa. Narrator keeps on a'yapping . . .Muerto desert,desert of death, why Zarpa Mesa, are you seeing things, Masterson, . . .blah, blah, . . OH, GEEZ, SHUT UP, WILL YOU. This may be as good a time as any to mention the only thing in this flick that's worse than the narrator and that's the score, which consists of badly-played flamenco guitar and a cat walking across piano keys. Apparently, Ed Wood liked it well enough to use it in one of his movies, Jail Bait. (I haven't seen that one, and if this "music" is in it, I never will.) The score is memorable, I'll give it that. I'm sure it will eventually show up in one of my nightmares. Where was I? Oh, yes. Masterson in Dr. Aranya's remote underground laboratory. The visiting scientist encounters male dwarves and mute, beautiful females, and, of course, there's all the standard equipment of a mad scientist's laboratory--test tubes, beakers, weird bubbling substances, etc. Masterson also sees a woman strapped down on a table. Aranya tells his colleague all about his groundbreaking experiments, lots of technobabble about swapping hormones around between humans and other critters, especially tarantulas. The end result is a lot of mute women who are nearly indestructible; the male subjects don't fair so well as they all turn into dwarves. But, wait, there's more! Aranya shows his visitor another one of his creations: a big tarantula, about the size of a St. Bernard. At this, Masterson freaks. Up to now, he's only shown mild concern, but a big spider -- that's going too far! Oh, says Aranya, but I want you to work with me, and Masterson says, no way, so Tarentella (that's one of the spider women) injects him with something and he collapses, but, don't worry, he's still alive. So Tarentella and her sisters in spiderhood are the "lost women" of the title, because Aranya had to get his test subjects from somewhere, and I doubt if they came to the mesa laboratory voluntarily. Same goes for the men, of course, but I suppose "Mesa of Lost Women and Men" wouldn't be as cool a title. Somewhere there must be missing persons reports on all of these people. Anyway, Masterson doesn't end up as a dwarf -- he is found on the desert, stark raving mad, and confined to a mental institution . How did Masterson get away from Aranya? Was he set free as part of another experiment ? This is never explained, but Masterson does seem to have some talent for escape , as he soon slips out of the sanatarium. (which, by the way, is named "Muerto State Asylum." I'd try to escape from the "Death State Asylum", too.) Next scene: run-down cantina on the Mexican border. Masterson enters and orders a drink at the bar. While he's imbibing, two new customers arrive, Jan van Croft, an older man with a vaguely German accent, and his fiancé, Doreen Culbertson, an attractive, much younger woman. Masterson immediately gloms onto Culbertson, plunking himself across from her and grinning like the crazy man he's become. Van Croft is not pleased. Soon they are joined by a fourth person, George, Masterson's nurse from the mental hospital. George, it seems, has been looking for his patient for a couple of days. Their conversation is interrupted by a dance performance by none other than Tarantella. It's kind of a slinky, sort of erotic, interpretive dance. Not very good, really; Masterson pulls a gun and shoots her -- not because she's a lousy dancer, but because he remembers her from Aranya's lair and thinks she's evil. Then he forces George, van Croft, and Culbertson out of the cantina and into the asylum's car, but he doesn't want to go back to the Death State Asylum. Now, it seems that Doreen and Jan were on their way to Mexico City to get married; their hired plane had engine trouble and was forced to land at this border town. So, Masterson, still with a gun, has them drive to the air strip. There they encounter Grant Philips, the pilot, and Wu, Jan von Croft's Asian servant. The plane isn't quite ready yet, but Leland "crazy man" Masterson wants to fly, and he's the one with the gun, so off they go to the wild blue yonder. Meanwhile, back at the cantina, Tarentella comes back to life. Okay, we've got all our principal characters together: insane former scientist Leland Masterson and his psychiatric nurse, George; wealthy man Jan van Croft and his gold-digging fiancé, Doreen; Wu, the valet, who is behaving rather suspiciously and may have deliberately sabotaged the plane, and Grant Philips, the strong and stalwart pilot. Dr. Aranya, mad scientist, is lurking in his lair at the mesa, and Tarantella is still alive. The airplane has engine trouble, and is forced to land on a isolated mesa. Three guesses which mesa this happens to be. Although, it's quite a bit different from when we last saw it -- instead of barren rock, the mesa is covered with dense foliage. Where'd that come from? Isn't this a desert? I guess Dr. Aranya has been doing a few more experiments, this time with trees and bushes. So we've got six people stranded here, and there's mysterious noises coming from the woods, and Wu is acting strange, and Masterson still has a gun and what do you want to bet these people are going to die one by one? You know, this flick has all the makings of a good bad movie, but it's just plain bad. Slow pacing, awful music, and a horrible narrator -- it all adds up to a film catastrophe. If you're offered a chance to view this film, run the other way. Fast. Rating: 1/5

Thanks for the tip, guys. Probably won't be able to get to it this month, but I'll make a note of it for the future.

Yay, Harlan, glad to see you again! Math -- not my favorite subject, but I did enjoy this episode a lot. Kitty -- not, strictly speaking, necessary to the show, but I think she will prove to be an asset. This is looking to be a very promising season.

THE LOST JUNGLE (1934) This is in the Mill Creek Sci-Fi collection, although it's really more "jungle adventure". Not sure how they justified placing it in the science fiction genre, although the movie does have lions and tigers sharing the same habitat. This doesn't happen in the real world, so, if we close one eye and squint with the other, we can call this science fiction. Except it really isn't. The Lost Jungle started off as a twelve-part serial; the material was cut down to a little over an hour to produce this flick. Clyde Beatty, a real life wild animal trainer and circus star, plays himself. He's not much of an actor, but he's adequate. And the rest of the performances aren't much better, so he doesn't really stand out. We start with a circus, the camera panning over many depressing scenes of big cats stuck in small cages. The makers probably didn't think it this was depressing, they were just establishing the setting. We meet Clyde; his publicist and friend, Larry (he's the comic relief and the worst actor of the whole cast); Sharkey, Clyde's assistant (and with a name like "Sharkey", you know he's the bad guy), and a group of annoying kids here to gawk at the famous circus star. Outside the training facility, Captain Robinson and his daughter Ruth enter the scene and have an expository conversation, as follows: Ruth has been dating Clyde for two years, but he shows no sign of popping the question. The captain is about ready -- this very day, in fact -- to sail off on a long voyage to find a lost island known as Kamor. He's bringing Ruth with him, unless she becomes engaged to Clyde. Ruth has known of the intended voyage and her father's ultimatum for several months, and was supposed to have brought the matter up with her boyfriend. She has procrastinated, however, and now it's the last minute, and she still hesitates. "Do you want me to speak to him?" asks the no-nonsense Captain Robinson. "No, Dad, I'll do it," she tremulously replies. So now Ruth is talking to Clyde, who is preoccupied with a new lion just delivered to the circus. It's a dangerous business transferring the cranky beast into a new cage, and here's Ruth trying to tell him something, dithering and hesitating, and then something happens with the lion and Clyde has to rush over to prevent a catastrophe. "Oh," wails Ruth, "now I have no choice", meaning that she has to go on the voyage with her father. No choice? She can't say "no" to a long, possibly dangerous, voyage? She couldn't have brought up the matter with Clyde a long time ago? She had a choice, alright, and she chose to be passive and allow circumstances to control her. Yeah, I know this material comes from the 1930's, but this woman is still a moron by the standards of any age. Now, stuff happens, but it's all kind of boring, so I'll just summarize: Clyde finally finds out about Ruth going on Captain Robinson's voyage, and rushes off to the dock, but he's too late. Being a sensible man, he gets on with his life. This means he does his act with the circus, which involves putting lions, tigers, bears, panthers, and assorted other creatures into the same ring and having them do tricks. While the beasts are being demeaned in this fashion, Clyde cracks a whip and brandishes a wooden chair. (I can't help but wonder if some of those animals were thinking "You scrawny punk! One swipe of my paw would finish you, just one swipe!") Meanwhile, Captain Robinson, Ruth, and the crew have reached the fabled island of Kamor, but their ship is pretty beat up. They'll have to repair it, but in the mean time, they build a stockade to protect themselves from all the wild animals, which include all sorts of beasties who shouldn't be living together. Professor Livingston, the expedition's chief explorer, goes off into the jungle to find the lost city of Kamor, cradle of civilization. He doesn't return. Livingston has sent off a homing pigeon with information about the ship's whereabouts, and the news is published by the world's newspapers. Clyde, accompanied by Larry and bad-guy Sharkey, hire a dirigible to go find them, although he also plans to capture some more animals for his circus act. (How does he expect to transport them back in a dirigible?) They run into problems and crash-land, and by amazing coincidence, here they are on Kamor! Only Clyde and Larry have survived the crash -- they think. Actually, Sharkey had stolen a parachute and escaped from the floundering dirigible. He lands on a different part of the island, finds a big door, enters, and Hey!, it's the lost city of Kamor. And there's Professor Livingston, close to death and babbling about a great treasure. This interests Sharkey, but the treasure is in a pool filled with crocodiles, and he doesn't have a weapon. So he steals the Professor's notebook and heads out for the stockade. Meanwhile, Clyde and Larry also find the stockade and there's a big reunion scene. But the evil Sharkey is hanging around outside, so a confrontation is bound to come sometime. Will Clyde and Ruth be reconciled? Will Sharkey get his just deserts? Will the lost treasure of Kamor ever be found? Does anyone care? Rating: 1/5

CRASH OF THE MOONS (1954) Ah, vintage television. Today's movie is taken from a 1954 syndicated children's show called Rocky Jones, Space Ranger. This program, being syndicated, was filmed rather than broadcast live, and so survives when other, more successful shows of its type did not. Most Space Ranger episodes were three-part serials presented in half-hour segments. After the program's short run, these serials were re- packaged as TV-movies. Crash of the Moons is one of them. The year is 2054. Space travel is commonplace, and Earth has made contact with numerous different inhabited planets. "United Worlds" is a league of planets designed to promote peace and prosperity among its members. The "Space Rangers" is an Earth-based organization whose officers act as interstellar policemen. Rocky Jones is a famous Ranger who pilots the spaceship "Orbit Jet", his co-pilot is "Winky" (I'm assuming that's a nickname; only a sadistic parent would give a kid that name). The attractive Vena Ray is Rocky's navigator; she dresses in a mini-skirt, but is depicted as intelligent and competent. Other regular characters are: Professor Newton, an elderly scientist; his ward Bobby, a ten-year-old boy; and Secretary Drake, head of the Space Rangers and a diplomatic representative of the United Worlds. Now, for the main plot: the Gypsy Moons, Posita and Negato, orbit around each other, while traveling through space on an eccentric path. Each moon is inhabited; the ruling family of Posita, is, in fact, on very friendly terms with Rocky Jones and his crew. But there's a huge problem -- Professor Newton has discovered that Posita will collide with a planet called Ophicius [i'm guessing at the spelling] in a couple of weeks. Arrangements are made to transfer the Positan population over to Negato, but what about Ophicius? Ophicius, you see, is ruled by the suzerain Cleolanta, who is a strict isolationist. She has resisted all of Secretary Drake's diplomatic overtures and refuses to consider joining the United Worlds. Will she heed their warning now? Will Ophicius and its population be destroyed? This is hardly Emmy-winning material, and it's not too surprising the series only lasted about a year. Still, it has a sort of earnest, awkward charm. The sets and special effects are primitive, but actually rather inventive, given the no-doubt minuscule budget. The performances are passable, and the story-line for Crash of the Moons isn't bad. While I have no desire to see any more episodes from this series, I didn't mind this one at all. Can't really recommend it, though, unless you have an interest in vintage television. Rating: 2/5

Liked it pretty well, definitely a fun episode. The music -- well, let's just say it reminded me why I dislike most musicals. Poor Calliope got a bad rap. She's nothing like that in mythology. And, yeah, I'm glad to see Chuck again.

TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1959) aka THE GARGON TERROR Look out, here comes a space ship! And, given the title, it's probably full of teenagers. This ship has a rather interesting design, looking a bit like a big drill, but then it burrows into the earth and all we see is the top part, which is a standard flying saucer shape. So that's a disappointment. As the space ship lands, a small black dog comes over to investigate. The door opens, out comes an alien -- who looks just like a human -- and shoots the dog with a ray gun. Nothing's left but a skeleton and a dog tag. Killing a dog? I hate these aliens already. So they all come out, there's about five or six of them, all male, and none of them look like teenagers. But they're an alien species, so who knows? Anyway, they start hauling out equipment and talking among themselves. This is mostly exposition, so I'll just summarize: They come from a far-away planet and believe themselves to be the master race; however, they're not here to conquer the earth. No, the aliens are looking for suitable grazing grounds for the gargons, a primary food source. And what is a gargon? It looks just like a lobster; unlike a lobster, it will grow to a huge size. Gargons also don't need to actually be fed, as they can get nourishment from the air they breathe -- of course, the more nutrients they get, the bigger they will grow. One can see that these beasties would be a handy, inexpensive source of food, but there's a big drawback in that they can be very dangerous. I'm sure we can all appreciate the problem: lobsters are good to eat, but who wants to meet a big one in a dark alley? Anyway, the aliens figure they can turn the gargons loose on Earth and then harvest them from the air. But one guy, after examining the remains of the unfortunate pooch, finds the dog tag, and points out to the others that this planet must have intelligent life to produce an object like that. The others say well, so what, we're the master race, and the protesting guy pulls out a weapon and says hold it right there, we're going to leave this planet alone. Turns out he's part of an underground group which is anti-government, but he's not winning any converts from the others, who disarm him and plan to bring him home to face justice. Rebel guy manages to escape, the expedition's leader sends another guy named Thor to hunt him down; then he chains the gargon in a nearby deserted mine entrance and they all climb back into the space ship to head home. They'll be back with lots of ships and lots of gargons. Scene change: we are now in Wholesome Town, USA. The nice alien is smiling a nice smile at some children who are gawking at his space uniform. Then Nice Alien wanders over to a gas station attendant and asks him what the inscription on the dog tag means. (You know, I've neglected to mention that all the outer space folk speak perfect English, so the gas station attendant has no problem at all understanding him.) The inscription has the dog's name, Sparky, and his home address, so the attendant gives the Nice Alien directions to a house up the street. Sparky's home has a room-to-let sign, so when a young lady opens the door and sees Nice Alien standing there, she assumes he's there as a prospective renter. She invites him to come right in. Expository chat commences. I'll summarize: Betty Morgan, a pretty lass of about eighteen, lives with her grandfather, who apparently has no name but "Gramps". Betty's brother recently got married and now lives out of town, leaving his room empty. Well, says Gramps, what's your name, son? Derrick, says the Nice Alien,( so now I'll start calling him that. And isn't it lucky that he has a name that fits in so well with English-speaking human culture.) Derrick says he likes the room, and Gramps says, it's settled then, bring your bags over, and Derrick says he doesn't have any bags. No problem, says Betty, my brother left some clothes behind, you can use those. Now, I have to stop a moment in absolute amazement. Here's a totally strange guy with no references, no background info, and no money, and they're letting him stay in their house and even borrow some clothes. But there's more! Betty was on her way to a swimming party when Derrick showed up. Now, her boyfriend, Joe, drives by and says he can't make it. You see, he works for the local newspaper and his boss wants him to interview some people who say they saw a UFO last night. Ha, ha, ha. UFO! Would you believe it? But that's the sort of material cub reporters are sent out to cover. So Betty is without a date, but, you know, here's Derrick, so why not go with the total stranger that she knows nothing about? Of course, it's the perfect plan. So Derrick, the Nice Alien, is about to experience his first teen swimming party. Betty and Derrick arrive at a big house with a swimming pool in back. Splashing about in the water is a forty-year old teenager named Alice, who immediately starts flirting with Derrick. He's been holding on to the dog tag all this time, and now it drops in the water, and Alice dives down to fetch it. Why, it's Sparky's tag! How did Derrick get ahold of it? So now he has to stammer out the story of how Sparky died, although he leaves out the part about flying saucers and ray guns. This puts a damper on everyone's spirits. At the scene of Sparky's death, Betty is puzzled that there's nothing left of her pet but a skeleton, so Derrick has to explain about "focusing disintegrator ray guns". He doesn't say anything about outer space, so Betty thinks the ray gun is some scary new weapon the military just invented. Derrick hears a strange noise from the mine shaft, and hurries Betty away. Meanwhile, Thor, the not-so-nice alien, is killing people right and left as he searches for Derrick. You'd think he'd be more subtle in his approach, but you know how it is -- give a punk a focusing disintegrator ray gun, and he thinks he's king of the world. Soon there are a lot of skeletons lying about, and it's not even Halloween yet. Now, a bunch of stuff happens, and I'm just going to give the highlights, because I'll bet you're wondering about the poor lone gargon chained up in the abandoned mine. So: Thor gets in a shootout with the police, kidnaps Betty and Derrick, forces a surgeon to remove some bullets from his chest, kidnaps a nurse, loses control of a car and crashes. He survives, but is pretty well neutralized. Meanwhile, the garcon has gotten pretty big and has broken free of its chains. It wanders around, roaring, and waving its claws. Derrick decides to shoot it with Thor's ray gun, but it was damaged in the crash, so he has to take time to fix it, and time is of the essence, because maybe the big lobster will stop making so much noise and actually get around to attacking someone. You ask me, they're going about this the wrong way. Here's what they need to do: 1. Get a huge vat of boiling water 2. Get a big truck or bulldozer or something of the kind 3. Push the creature into the boiling water 4. Lobster roll for everyone What else can I say? Poor script, poor acting, poor special effects. Boring movie. Not recommended. I'll give them credit, though, for avoiding some of the invaders-from-space cliches. Rating: 2/5

This movie was in the Mill Creek Sci-Fi collection, but there's no real science fiction in it. It's more of a horror film, so I'll review it here. BRIDE OF THE GORILLA (1951) The working title of this flick was The Face in the Water , which, IMHO, is much better than what they changed it to. I guess studio execs thought anything with the word "gorilla" in it would have a bigger draw value. Anyway, our setting is on a rubber plantation deep in the Amazonian rainforest. Judging by the clothing styles and the presence of a phonograph, we're in contemporary times, i.e., late '40's or early '50's. Colonialism is still present, but the natives aren't enslaved; at least, not overtly. Characters: Klaas Van Gelder -- elderly plantation owner, in poor health Dina Van Gelder -- his much younger, and very restless, wife Barney Chavez -- plantation manager, in love with Dina (he's played by Raymond Burr -- a few years after he made this B-film, he started hitting the big leagues) Al-Long -- housekeeper/cook and native sorceress Larina -- house maid and Barney's discarded mistress, like Al-Long, she's from the native population Taro -- police commissioner; he's a native of the area with a European education, (played by Lon Chaney, Jr) Dr. Viet -- Klaas's friend and physician; he's also in love with Dina There's tension a'plenty as we open this drama, with Barney hitting on his employer's attractive young wife, Klaas being aware of it, and the rejected Larina fretting on the sidelines. Things come to a head when, due to Barney's negligence, a worker is killed in the processing plant. Klaas fires Barney, and Dina, who up until then had neither encouraged nor rejected Barney's overtures, suddenly expresses an interest in him. Meanwhile, a sobbing Larina confides her troubles to Al-Long, the housekeeper and a sort of grandmother-figure. Al-Long tells her not to worry, that Barney Chavez won't ever be hurting her again. Klaas goes for stroll in his garden after dinner and encounters a belligerent Barney; a fight ensues, and Barney, who notices a poisonous snake just emerging from some bushes, shoves Klaas right in its way. Being already in a weakened state of health, Klaas doesn't have the strength to get out of the way and Barney has no intention of helping him. Barney runs off, and Al-Long enters the scene -- she's been observing everything! She's carrying a potted plant; placing some of the leaves on the dead man's eyes, she pronounces a curse on the murderer: "Barney Chavez will be as an animal". Now, most synopses of this flick indicate that Al-Long is aiming to avenge her employer's murder, but this is clearly not the case. She first expresses her intent to harm Barney in the scene with Larina (described above). Moreover, there's no indication she has any particular fondness for Klaas Van Gelder or his family; note that she does absolutely nothing to interfere with Barney's attack or to help Klaas after he's bitten. No, Al_Long has other reasons to curse Barney; maybe it's partly for Larina's sake, maybe there are other reasons (Barney is, after all, a bit of a creep). The murder of Klaas is giving her more firepower -- I suspect what she's doing with the corpse is harnessing the angry energy of the ghost for her own purposes. The next morning, the death of Klaas Van Gelder is investigated by Police Commissioner Taro and Dr. Viet, the only physician for miles around and a friend of the deceased. Viet says the cause of death is snake bite, although he clearly has some suspicions of Barney. Taro is also suspicious, but doesn't have enough evidence to charge the man. And there's another matter that concerns him: at the scene of death he finds leaves of a hallucinogenic plant that is known to be used in magical rituals. Taro is not sure whether he believes in sorcery or not; he's a native of these parts, but left the area to pursue an education in Europe, so he's torn between his native beliefs and the rational thought of his foreign schooling. Some time elapses -- we're not sure how long -- Dina and Barney are getting married. At the wedding party, Al-Long slips the new master a special drink, and he soon starts feeling a little strange. That very night, Dina and Barney's wedding night, Barney is driven to go into the jungle, leaving his astonished and dismayed bride behind. He wanders through the dense foliage, and stops at a pond to look at his reflection. What he sees is a gorilla's face looking back at him. In the morning, Dina finds him collapsed in the garden, feverish and babbling about the "face in the water". Dr. Viet examines him, gives him a shot to quiet him down and prescribes quinine. Then he hints to Dina that Barney murdered her late husband, but she's having none of it because she knows Viet is in love with her and doesn't trust him. Time passes -- Al-Long continues to make potions from her mind-altering plant, all the while chanting spells and curses at Barney; Barney keeps running off to the jungle every night; Dina stays blindly loyal, even though she's probably a bride in name only; Viet and Taro remain suspicious. Meanwhile, the natives of the area are talking about a sukarat [not sure of spelling], a legendary jungle creature that they believe is attacking their livestock, and they fear may someday attack a human being. And, then, Barney is spotted with blood on his hands . . . This is a pretty decent film, although marred by some silly, florid dialogue and narration. The performances are good, although Chaney -- who I usually like -- seems a bit wooden. He may have been trying to tone things down, considering his character gets some of the more melodramatic lines. Rating: 3/5 Probably worth a look

Thanks for posting that, pucacodog. I had no idea those toys were actually real. I checked on Amazon, and found that they are still being sold, under the name "Pixos", presumably without the toxic ingredient.

I kind of liked the jet-propelled flying cybermen. Very much liked the honor given to the Brig ( portrait on the wall and the salute from the Doctor.) Missy was okay, but I liked her better when she was a mystery. Everything else sucked. Ugh.

GAMERA THE INVINCIBLE (1966), ATTACK OF THE MONSTERS (1969) both Japanese, dubbed Huge stomping monsters -- nope, I've never been much interested in them. Outside of seeing the occasional clip of Godzilla, et al, I've never actually seen one of these flicks. So this is the first time, and, much to my surprise, I actually rather liked Gamera the Invincible; the other one, not so much. The first Gamera series of eight movies were produced from 1965 -- 1980; the big monster was revived in 1995 for three films, and again in 2006. According to Wikipedia, another film is in the works, with no specified release date. So, if nothing else, Gamera has long-term appeal. Just who -- or what -- is Gamera? He (I'm going to use "he", since everyone else does, but for all we know, Gamera could be a "she"), anyway, he is an enormous, destructive turtle with fangs. I'll have to admit it took me a while to get my head around this, because the only turtles I'm familiar with are the small, peaceful creatures who like sunning themselves on the shores of Lake Washington. Gamera was introduced to the public in Gamera the Invincible, aka Giant Monster Gamera (the name is sometimes spelled "Gammera"). Soviet planes carrying atomic bombs have strayed over Alaska, and one is shot down. The resulting nuclear explosion awakens the giant turtle, who has been peacefully sleeping under an Arctic glacier for many hundreds of years. So the big guy is a little grumpy and disoriented and starts stomping around, crushing anything that gets in his way. According the Eskimos, there's a legend about this beastie; they call him "Gamera", and he's bad news. (So does that mean that Gamera has been awakened before, or maybe there are others of his species around?) Anyway, Gamera stomps his way to Japan, leaving devastation in his wake, although it's not entirely clear whether he's being deliberately destructive or not. He may be looking for food or trying to make sense of this unfamiliar world. Gamera does a lot of roaring while on his travels (actually, he sounds a lot like a trumpeting elephant), so is that expressing belligerence or is he calling out for another of his species? Whatever his motives, Gamera is wreaking havoc, all of civilization is being threatened, and the leaders of the world need to do something about it. Many attempts are made to destroy the giant, fanged turtle; none work, because Gamera's shell repels bullets and bombs, neither does electricity have any effect on him, and, as for fire, well - - -the big guy eats it. He also eats petroleum products, which may explain Gamera's remarkable ability to fly. He retracts his head and legs into his shell, his leg holes become propulsion vents, and off he goes -- and with all he eats, he has plenty of fuel. But Gamera isn't all death and destruction: on one of his rampages, he knocks over a lighthouse, and rescues a little boy who was on the tower. This is a significant event, especially for later movies, as it shows Gamera has a soft spot for children. The Gamera problem is eventually resolved, with the whole world cooperating. There's some chat about the wonders of international cooperation, and how all civilization would have been destroyed without it -- this dialogue was probably thrown in to give the movie a veneer of social relevancy. I suspect most fans of the huge stomping monster genre could care less about Important World Issues; they just want to see the big beasts smash and destroy. Now, I did enjoy this movie; it was entertaining and even had a few humorous scenes. Mind you, I would not care to see it twice, nor do I have any desire to watch any other huge stomping monster film. But for a one off, it was fine. Now, Attack of the Monsters: this is the fifth movie in the original series, it's Japanese title translating as Gamera vs Guiron. The story goes like this -- two boys, about nine years old, named Akio and Tom, are nuts about space science and interstellar travel and theories about life on other planets. One night, looking through their telescope, they see a flying saucer land nearby. The next morning, they hop on their bicycles and head out to investigate, bringing with them Akio's little sister, Tomoko. They find the spaceship apparently deserted, but with its doors invitingly open. Tomoko is too frightened to enter; but the boys, confident that aliens advanced enough to visit earth would also be friendly, march right on in. The spacecraft, evidently on automatic controls, takes off and heads for the stars. The two boys are a little scared, but soon they notice that Gamera is flying along side of them. Yes, between the first flick and this one, the big turtle has become a space creature! Moreover, he has gained a reputation for being a friend and protector of all children; he's the St. Nicholas of monsters. So Akio and Tom are relieved because Gamera is there to protect them. Then the spaceship speeds up so that even Gamera can't keep up and then lands on an alien planet. It seems to be a technically advance civilization, but the boys see no people, just two big monsters fighting -- one is a gyaos, which resembles a pterodactyl, the other is an unknown creature with a huge knife on its head. After a brutal battle, the gyaos is defeated, and the mystery monster disappears. Next the boys encounter Barbella and Florbella, two space babes who are the last remaining humanoids on this planet. They are very kind to the boys, offer them food, and explain that their planet is dying and being taken over by the gyaos creatures. The knife-headed monster is called "Guiron" and acts as a sort of watchdog for them. Plans are made to repair the damaged spaceship -- which the two alien women had sent out as a scout to find a habitable planet. And, once it's ready, they're all going back to Earth and live happily ever after. But, when Barbella and Florbella have a private conversation, we learn that the spaceship will only carry two people, so the real plan is for the two ladies to eat the brains of Akio and Tom so they can absorb all their knowledge of Earth. And maybe Barbella and Florbella just like brains for supper. In any case, the two kids are in trouble. Meanwhile, back on Earth, Tomoko tries to convince the adults that Akio and Tom were taken way by a spaceship. Of course, no one believes her. Time passes, and the boys don't come home; everyone is getting increasingly worried. Finally, a local policeman, who knows Tomoko well enough to know she's not a liar, thinks there might be something to what she's been claiming. Unfortunately, he's opposed by Tom's mother, Elza, who says that "Believing everything that children say is educationally unsound." (Huh?) So the boys can expect no help from planet Earth. Gamera is their only hope, and he does indeed show up. What ensues is a long, nasty, brutal fight with Guiron and it looks like Gamera might have been killed. Will Akio and Tom have their brains eaten? Will Barbella and Florbella escape to Earth? Will Gamera survive? There's three more movies in the series, so you can probable figure things out for yourself. I really disliked this flick, although it was clearly meant for children, so I may not be the best judge. Maybe kids would like it, I don't know. The violence does get pretty nasty; my stomach turned more than once, and, yes, I do realize the combatants are imaginary creatures and it's not real blood they're shedding. Perhaps I'm overly squeamish, but I'm giving this a thumbs down. Rating: Gamera, the Invincible: 3/5 Attack of the Monsters: 2/5 (I'm giving the movie some credit for creative design) Note: I won't be doing a review on Monday.Will be back on Tuesday. Have a nice weekend, everyone.

I'm a little confused at what exactly that toy was supposed to be? Small plastic beads that a child could swallow - wouldn't that be a no-no even if the beads weren't poisonous? Kitty - actually, I kind of like her, even if she is a bit rough around the edges. Bell and Gregson -- I know the show is about Holmes and Watson, but I wish we could have more of these two Joan's new boyfriend -- how long will it be before we find out he's really a serial killer, international spy, or paid assassin?