miles2go

I'm rather glad I didn't watch this on Christmas; would have spoiled the whole day to find out Clara's still going to be with us. Oh, well. Not a bad episode, though. I rather enjoyed Santa Claus; the rest of the guest characters were good, too. I am wondering why everyone awakened without any signs of damage -- they've had a brain-sucking alien attached to their heads; seems to me there would be some after-effects. But here they are all magically healed! And for the record, I happen to like tangerines.

They do? Can't say I've noticed. Guess I'm just clueless.

HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN, aka HERCULES AND THE CONQUEST OF ATLANTIS (1961) Italian, dubbed Here we go with another peplum! This one stars Reg Park, a British-born body builder who later moved to South Africa. He only did a few sword-and-sandals movies, being more interested in bodybuilding than making films. Probably a good thing -- Park's not much of an actor, but neither is anyone else in this flick. Both titles for this film are inaccurate; there's only one captive woman, but a whole lot of captive men. And Atlantis isn't actually conquered. This version of Hercules is a middle-aged man, settled down (well, sort of) to domesticity with wife Deianira and teen-aged son, Hyllus. Strange portents and oracles indicate that some terrible calamity is about to fall on the whole of Greece, so Herc, Hyllus, a dwarf named Timotheus, and King Androcles of Thebes set out to find the source of the threat. The four become separated when their ship founders in a storm. Hercules swims to the shore of a mysterious island, only to find a damsel in distress. She's chained to a rocky cliff, and appears to be dissolving into it. She at first begs Herc to kill her, to spare her this misery, then urges him to flee and save himself. The young woman has been placed here as a sacrifice to the monstrous deity Proteus, who lives on human blood. He can also take any form. Just then, a giant lizard comes a'growling, changing to a raging fire, which changes to a snake, then a lion, then an eagle, and back to a lizard. Hercules fights with each form of the god, and eventually kills him. Now Ismene, the young captive, is free and she brings Herc to her mother, who just happens to be Queen Antinea of Atlantis. Antinea gives Ismene and her rescuer a lukewarm welcome, which Herc finds to be a very strange way for a mother to act. It seems that Proteus, in return for regular meals of fresh young humans, shields the island with a heavy mist. Now that he's dead, Atlantis can be viewed by outsiders. Moreover, Proteus is the son of Uranus, the divine patron of Atlantis, who is not likely to be pleased at his offspring's death. It also turns out that Antinea has given up her own daughter to sacrifice because of a prophecy: if a child of the queen should ever survive her, Atlantis would be destroyed. Herc doesn't know about this last part, neither does he know that Antinea has bound and gagged Ismene and sent her off to be re- sacrificed on some remote part of the island. It just so happens that Hyllus and Timotheus washed up on the same shore upon which Ismene is being bound to a stake. A rescue ensues, of course. And, of course, Hyllus and Ismene start to fall in love. Meanwhile, Hercules finds Androcles in the royal palace, but he's lost his memory and has absolutely no recollection of his old companion. More strange stuff happens, but Herc finally finds an ally in a priest of Uranus, who dislikes Antinea's imperialistic plans, for, yes, Atlantis is the source of the threat to Greece. There's a sacred stone that was once splashed with the blood of Uranus. Those who touch the stone either turn into blond super warriors or become deformed. Antinea keeps the blond supermen with her as a private army, the unfortunate rejects are thrown into a pit and kept captive there, and it turns out there's a lot of them. Hercules, Hyllus, Ismene and Timotheus must rescue them all, free Androcles from the spell he's under, and destroy Antinea's power. This isn't a bad flick if you can get through the first twenty minutes of so, which is full of a lot of time-filling silly stuff. Also, the quality of the performances isn't too good. So I'll recommend it for bad movie lovers only. Rating:2/5 So --how does this compare to "real" mythology? The family of Hercules -- He and Deianira had several children, Hyllus being the eldest. Don't confuse him with Hylas, who, in Herc's younger days, was his squire (and , according to some, his lover). Uranus -- a primordial deity who was the sky. He mated with Mother Earth to produce a number of beings, including the Titans and the Cyclopes. He didn't like the latter, so banished them to Tartarus. Angry at this, Earth conspired with the Titans to destroy the power of Uranus. Cronus, the youngest Titan, castrated his father with a flint sickle; the blood that fell to Earth produced the Furies and some other creatures. Uranus's genitals fell into the ocean and begat Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Proteus -- is being much maligned in this flick! He was the son of the sea god, Poseidon, not Uranus. Proteus could not only take any form he pleased, but also had the gift of prophecy, although he was reluctant to give out information. Those who needed his knowledge had to grab him and hang on while he transformed himself into a series of frightening creatures. When he realized he wasn't going to get away, Proteus would give the querent the information he needed. Proteus was not a malevolent deity, he simply wanted to be left alone. And he certainly didn't demand human sacrifice. Atlantis -- described in the works of Plato. Supposedly, the Athenian lawgiver Solon visited Egypt and there learned the story from some priests. Atlantis was a large island, especially blessed by Poseidon (not Uranus). It became very powerful, conquered an empire, then lost the favor of the gods, who caused it to sink under the sea. Androcles -- there was no recorded Theban king of this name. The name was most likely borrowed from the folktale "Androcles and the Lion" Antinea -- apparently borrowed from the horror novel Atlantida, by Pierre Benoit. According to the synopses I've read, Antinea is a descendent of the rulers of Atlantis. She kidnaps men and turns them into statues. (It sounds like Hercules Unchained also borrowed a lot from this novel.) Ismene -- a name borrowed from other Greek mythology. Ismene was one of the daughters of the incestuous marriage of Oedipus and Jocasta

They actually surprised me this time. I was sure it was going to be the hot-shot detective.

Will try my hand at chicken schnitzel tonight.

I googled "rubber dolling" and found out it's a real thing. I'm so naive I didn't realize that before. Those suits must be very uncomfortable to wear for any length of time.

PETER PAN LIVE! (2014) TV Broadcast I don't suppose any production could live up to the sort of hype that enveloped last night's Peter Pan. Not that it was bad -- certainly not the train wreck many predicted it would be -- but it wasn't all that good, either. Good: Allison Williams is great in the musical numbers Bad: She's a dull actress. Her spoken lines couldn't be flatter if she had put them through a tortilla press. Good: Christopher Walken is a fine actor and did a great job with Captain Hook -- as long as he wasn't singing. Bad: Walken just isn't much good as a song-and-dance man. Good: Sets and costumes, fine. Choreography, good. Bad: Many cast member too old for their roles, especially Wendy and the Lost Boys. On the whole, I enjoyed Peter Pan Live!, but I wouldn't bother watching it again. The Peter Pan of last night's production is certainly quite different from Disney's cocky hooligan. While I couldn't help thinking of the animated Peter as a young street gang leader, Williams's version is more lonely and sad. He claims to be happy, defiantly insisting that he won't grow up, and will always dwell in Neverland, and, yet, something drives him into the real world, where he hangs around bedroom windows listening to conversations and stories. In truth, he hungers for nurturing, and temporarily gains a surrogate mother in Wendy -- "temporarily" being the important word. In the end, he not only loses his mother, but his companions as well, as Wendy, her brothers, and the Lost Boys choose to leave Neverland for the ordinary world. On the other hand, Peter Pan is -- or should be -- a high-spirited, independent soul with a sense of adventure and fun. It's this side of Peter that last night's drama couldn't get across. Thus when the eternal boy defeats Captain Hook, and proclaims "I am youth . . joy . . . freedom, " the line just falls flat. The actress playing the role needs exuberance to pull that off, and Allison Williams just doesn't have it. Walken's version of Hook is a welcome contrast to what we see in the Disney movie, bringing to it a strange combination of quirkiness and gravitas; Disney's Captain is pure buffoon, and not very interesting. Walken's Captain Hook even approaches tragic stature; like that other captain, Ahab, he can't give up on his quest for revenge, and ends up destroying himself. Recommended? Maybe; the musical numbers are generally pretty good. Rating: 3/5

Not a bad episode. The mystery was pretty routine, but the character interactions made it worthwhile. More Clyde please!

I'm aiming for something light this evening, maybe cottage cheese and fruit.

PETER PAN (1953) animated You know you're getting old when you sympathize with Captain Hook more than with Peter Pan. But consider the situation: Even before the movie begins,juvenile delinquent Peter has cut off the Captain's hand and fed it to a crocodile. Is that a vicious act or what? If that's not bad enough, Peter sneaks through the bedroom window of some innocent children, gets them flying on "pixie dust", and lures them to his underground lair. This dismal place is already populated with Pan's gang of "Lost Boys", who are well-armed and, as part of their gang affiliation, dress in animal costumes. And what qualities does the renegade Peter have that all the females in his vicinity fall for him -- mermaids, an Indian princess, and the run-away Wendy are all crazy about the boy who won't grow up. Let's not forget the homicidally jealous Tinkerbell, who arranges for Wendy to be assassinated. Wendy survives, only for her and her brothers to be caught up in the gang warfare between Pan's crowd and the Pirates. Captain Hook and company are, of course, not entirely guiltless in this matter, but they do get the worst of it. Hook, after all, has a crocodile stalking him. It's been awhile since I've had any exposure to Peter Pan; I saw the Mary Martin TV broadcast when I was a kid, and have vague memories of seeing it performed on stage. I'm not sure if I ever saw this Disney animated version -- it didn't leave much impression if I did. I know it's considered a classic, but it left me underwhelmed -- maybe I'm just too old to appreciate it. Certainly the animation is great, as one would expect from a Disney flick. The acting is fine. The storyline is okay, although not in the same league as other Disney movies (e.g. Bambi, Snow White). Part of the problem, I think, is the over-use of slapstick humor, although, admittedly, that was very common for children's entertainment in that era. Another turn-off is the highly bigoted depiction of Native Americans; even allowing for the era (early fifties) it's still pretty awful stuff. Rating: 3/5 I plan on watching Peter Pan Live! tonight; very curious to see how it compares.

MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, aka MACISTE, STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1961) Italian, dubbed Back sometime in the mid-sixties, a company called Embassy Pictures purchased the rights to a number of pepla -- fourteen in all -- and repackaged them for syndication on American television. Sons of Hercules was the name of this series, with the premise that Herc had fathered a number of sons (100, if we take the theme song literally) who had inherited his great strength and courage. They traveled the ancient world righting wrongs, fighting monsters, rescuing damsels in distress, etc. Each movie was retitled, dubbed, and given a standardized theme song for opening and closing credits. (A very catchy tune by the way; I have a hard time getting it out of my head.) Originally, none of these flicks were about Herc's offspring; the heroes were Hercules himself, Ursus, Perseus, and a number of others, including, as in this particular movie, Maciste. In the English dubbing, Maciste is actually called "Majestus", but since this is really a Maciste film, I'm going to call him that, or "Mac" for short. Our muscle-bound hero is played by Mark Forest, stage name for Lorenzo Degni, an Italian-American born in 1933. Like Steve Reeves, he was a body builder, but his great love was for opera. He eventually quit his acting career to study music, and ended up teaching opera in California. Our film starts with Maciste alone on a beach, just before dawn. He's just harpooned a sperm whale and is now pulling him onto shore. Okay, 'strongest man in the world" says the title, and that's pretty darn strong; also a little thoughtless. What does he want with a whole whale? There was no endangered species list in the ancient world, but still . . . Mac's efforts are interrupted by several galloping horses. Some strange-looking men with white hair and white robes are chasing down some people that Mac evidently knows. He comes to their aid, but does not succeed in saving them. He does knock a couple of the white-haired dudes off their horses. As the sun comes up, they make sounds of distress, and then sort of shrivel up and die. Khur, one of the men Mac tried to save, turns out to be king of Aran. As he dies, he begs Mac to rescue his son and daughter. Mac has evidently been living in the city of Aran for a while, as these people seem well known to him. (So maybe that whale was intended for the citizens of Aran? Possibly they had a food shortage?) Anyway, it turns out that while Mac was out whaling, the city was attacked by these odd folk known as Mole Men. They're albinos, live underground, and can't live in the rays of the sun. The Mole Men have destroyed Aran, either killing or carrying off the whole population. Mac puts his tracking skills to good use, and follows the attackers to their underground city. Along the way, he rescues Bangor, Princess Salirah's bodyguard, who is about to be sacrificed by the Mole Men. The grateful Bangor becomes his best bud. Bangor, by the way, is almost as muscular as Maciste, so we now have two scantily-clad strongmen to look upon. Mac and Bangor gain entrance to the Mole People's underground city by allowing themselves to be captured. They discover that the captives from Aran, along with many other victims of previous raids, are being put to work as slave labor. Most work at turning a huge wheel which somehow operates some complicated mining machinery. Gold and precious gems are the final product, although it's not entirely clear to what use they are being put. It hardly seems likely that the Mole People could engage in any lucrative trade, unless they had a trusted middleman. The Mole People are ruled by Queen Halis Mohab, who is not albino. Kahab, the high priest, is her closest advisor, who is lobbying for her to marry his son, the warrior Kathar. She's not too keen on the idea, especially when she gets an eyeful of Maciste, who's been put to work on the big wheel with the rest of the slaves. Maciste, meanwhile, has not lost sight of his goal of rescuing Salirah, her brother, and all the enslaved people in the underground city. His strength and battle skills are going to be tested to the utmost! Much of this movie is silly and non-sensical, but it's sufficiently amusing for an evening's entertainment. Recommended for bad movie lovers only. Rating: 2/5

Yay, Jodi! Always love seeing her again. Also liked Donna. Loved the Kinko conversation. The rest of the episode was routine -- okay, but not memorable.

HERCULES UNCHAINED , aka HERCULES AND THE QUEEN OF LYDIA (1959) Italian, dubbed This flick is the sequel to Hercules (1957), the movie that started the sword-and-sandals craze of the late 50's and 60's. Alas, I haven't been able to view Hercules yet; from what I can gather it's based on the story of Jason and the Argonauts, making Herc the main character (which, in mythology, he isn't). In the first movie, Herc also gains a wife, named Iole, who also appears in the sequel, along with many other characters from the original film. As we open, Hercules and Iole are headed for Thebes, Herc's home town, along with the strongman's young protege, Ulysses. Ulysses's father, King Laertes, gives him a parting gift of some homing pigeons; if he's ever in trouble, his dad tells him, tie a note to a bird's leg and release it. The pigeon will unfailingly return home with the message. So off the trio go, in a horse-drawn wagon. Iole plays the lute and sings, Uly is driving the wagon, Herc is taking a nap in the back. Just your typical family road trip, when their journey is interrupted by a giant named Antaeus. He wants their horses and their gold and he might just help himself to Iole while he's at it; he and Hercules get into a fight, with Herc winning, but every time he throws Antaeus to the ground, the giant gets back to his feet, as strong as ever. Finally, Uly -- he's the brains of the group -- says he thinks that this highway robber is in reality a son of the earth goddess, and is therefore revived when he touches the ground. So Herc picks up the giant and throws him into the ocean. Problem solved. But that's not the end of their adventures : as they approach Thebes, they find a large number of non-Theban soldiers hanging around a usually quiet grove. It's a sacred spot, because the woods surround a cave in which there is supposed to be an entrance to Hades. Herc enters the cave to find out what's going on and stumbles upon a family -- and political -- drama. Inside is King Oedipus, a very old man who has been forced to abdicate the throne of Thebes in favor of his sons. Oedipus has come here to end his life by throwing himself into the chasm that opens into Hades itself. But before he could do that, his son Polynices came to him for help. The two sons were supposed to rule alternate years, but the current king, Eteocles, refused to step down when his year was up. Polynices thinks his father might be able to influence his son, but Oedipus wants nothing much to do with either one of his ungrateful and disrespectful offspring. Well, says Poly, I've got a lot of soldiers out there, and I'm going to attack Thebes. Hold on, says Herc, let me try a little diplomacy first. So Poly agrees to wait , Herc heads for Thebes, and Oedipus goes to his death. So Hercules and his companions arrive at Thebes, and Herc has a chat with King Eteocles, a sadist who enjoys throwing people into pits with hungry tigers. The king agrees to step aside for his brother -- agrees a bit too quickly, actually, so he probably has something nasty up his sleeve. Herc and Uly leave to bring the news to Polynices, leaving Iole behind. Which isn't that smart, really. On the way to the war camp, the pair stop for a meal, and Herc drinks water from a stream, but what he doesn't know is that the water is enchanted -- anyone who drinks from it loses his memories. Herc passes out and suddenly there's a bunch of soldiers and he and Uly are taken prisoner. They end up in the court of Omphale, Queen of Lydia. Omphale has some peculiar practices in regards to her husbands. Once a man has drunk from the waters of forgetfulness, her soldiers drag him off to Lydia. She has her current husband killed, embalmed, and made into a statue. Then she takes up with the new one, giving him every luxury. So Hercules, who can't remember anything about his past, becomes her plaything. Meanwhile, Ulysses has been pretending to be a deaf-mute; the Lydians think he is Herc's servant, and let him hang around, although he's locked up at night. He's been allowed to keep the pigeons, and sends one off, hoping his father will get the message in time. Meanwhile, back in Greece, Polynices hasn't received any message from Hercules, so he prepares for war. Eteocles thinks Herc has betrayed him, so arrests Iole. The homing pigeon reaches Laertes, who gathers together all the old company of Argonauts and sets off on a rescue mission -- but will he arrive in time? This actually is a pretty good movie, production values are high, and the performances aren't bad. Hercules is played by muscle man Steve Reeves (who held a number of bodybuilder titles, including "Mr. Universe"). Reeves is no Olivier, but is an adequate actor. So, entertaining movie, but how does it compare to ancient Greek mythology? The Theban story line -- pretty close to the legendary material, but what the movie fails to mention is why Oedipus got kicked off the throne; he had committed both patricide and incest, albeit unwittingly. When this became known, Oedipus was persona non grata. Hercules actually had no role in this particular myth, although he was raised in Thebes. The battle with Antaeus -- again, pretty accurate. Antaeus was, by some accounts, the son of Poseidon and the Earth. Ulysses -- was, indeed, the son of Laertes, one of the Argonauts. He had no connection with Hercules, though. Ulysses was one of the warriors of the Trojan War, renowned for his cleverness. Omphale and Iole -- A few inaccuracies here! Let's start with Hercules's first wife, named Megara, a daughter of Creon of Thebes. He had several children by her, and seemed to be content, but the goddess Hera, who hated him because he was her husband Zeus's son, caused him to go mad. In his frenzy, he murdered his family. As a penance for the murders, Hercules was sent on his famous twelve labors. Having completed his penance, Hercules looked for a new wife. He heard that King Eurytus was offering the hand of his beautiful daughter, Iole, to whoever could win an archery tournament. But when Hercules won the contest, Eurytus refused to let him have Iole, because he had heard about the murder of Herc's first family. Hercules left town, vowing revenge. About the same time, some valuable horses were stolen from Eurytus, and, naturally, Hercules was the prime suspect. Iphitus, one of Eurytus's sons, went looking for the horses and encountered Hercules, who killed the lad in a fit of rage, particularly sad because Iphitus actually thought he was innocent. Now Hercules had to do penance again, and this time he was to be a slave for a year. He was purchased by Queen Omphale of Lydia, who was nothing like the evil queen of the movie. Herc's year of slavery was not too onerous as he became Omphale's lover. Rumor has it that they enjoyed dressing in each other's clothing. Hercules then married Deianira, a princess of Calydon, but he never forgot about Iole, the wife he was denied some years ago. So, when the time was right, he led an army to battle King Eurytus, defeated him, killed all his family except Iole, and carried her off. She became his very reluctant mistress. So his relationship with Iole was not that of loving spouse, as we see in this movie. He was her abductor and rapist. I'm sorry to say that the Hercules of mythology was often a very brutal person. He's far nicer in this movie. Rating: 3/5 Recommended.

December is a great month for fantasy movies, considering that most Christmas flicks have a large dose of fantasy in them. Moreover, within the next few weeks at least three fantasy films are being released: the final installments of The Hobbit and Night at the Museum trilogies, and Into the Woods. ( So I'll have a good excuse to get out of the house and see a movie!) And let's not forget the upcoming live broadcast of Peter Pan on TV. In addition to the more traditional fantasy material, I'll be reviewing five peplum movies, which I found in the Mill Creek Sci-Fi collection. There's not at bit of science fiction in your typical peplum (well, maybe a little in one of the five), so I'm not sure how they ended up in there -- possibly because they didn't fit in anywhere else. Peplum do have a lot of fantasy mixed in with the muscle-flexing, so they're just right for this month's theme. Don't know what a peplum movie is? Neither did I. So I did a little on-line snooping and came up with some info. (Thanks, Google!) The peplum genre is also called sword-and-sandal, the more polite term being "neo-mythology". Most peplum flicks are Italian in origin, and usually deal with legendary, mythological, or Biblical events. You might think of them as historical epics on a budget. The central character is a hero with unusual strength, such as Hercules or Samson; other characters are a damsel in distress, a wicked tyrant, and the occasional monster. The origin of the peplum genre goes back to the silent film era, with a movie called Cabiria (1914). A Hercules-type character named "Maciste" was the sidekick to the movie's hero, but became so popular that he got his own spin-off series. Maciste, played by Bartolmeo Pagano, featured in about two dozen films through the 1920's, and achieved the status of Italian folk hero. One curious thing about the character is that he is not tied to any particular time or place -- Maciste can crop up anywhere, at any time. (In that respect, he's a bit like The Doctor, only far more muscular and not as smart.) The popularity of the sword-and-sandal movies waned in the early thirties. Then, in 1957, Steve Reeves starred in Hercules, which became popular enough to set off a craze for peplum flicks. Hercules was the featured hero in many; Maciste was revived; there were also Samson, Goliath, Ursus and a whole bunch of others. The pepla I have available are all from the revival era, although I hope to be able to see Cabiria soon. I'll be back tomorrow with Hercules Unchained.

Planning on baked salmon for this evening. Also some veggies left over from Thanksgiving.

Currently re-reading The Hobbit. Also reading The Pantropheon, or A History of Food and its Preparation in Ancient Times. This was written in the 1850's by Alexis Soyer, a famous chef of the time. An interesting read, although I'm not sure how accurate it is.

Tonight, in honor of the Apple Bowl, I'm making squash and apple soup, warm chicken and apple salad, and baked apples for dessert. The soup was in the freezer, so just needs defrosting, and the other two are easy recipes.

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964) This film gets panned quite a bit -- it was even on MST3K -- but I'm going to come right out and confess that I liked it. Sure, it's not in the same league we find Rudolph, Frosty, or Charley Brown, but it's still a fun movie. So if you're not up to seeing It's a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time, or can't endure yet another version of A Christmas Carol, you may want to give this one a try. We start off with a news broadcast from Santa's workshop at the North Pole, in which KID-TV reporter Andy Henderson asks Santa about new toys for this year. The jolly old elf shows him a toy rocket, an action figure of a Martian (a humanoid with antennae, dressed in green), and a life-like doll. All this doll needs, says Santa, is tender loving care. The scene changes to the planet Mars. Two children are watching this same broadcast on a futuristic television, "What's 'tender loving care'?" one child asks the other. But the other child doesn't know. Aw, poor kids. Just then their father comes home, and he looks remarkably like the Martian action figure from Santa's workshop. He wakes up his servant, Dropo, who's taking a nap and has to be awakened with a "tickle rod". Dropo, the bumbling comic relief, is quite deferential to Lord Kimar (he's actually leader of all the Martians), and tells him that Lady Momar is out shopping for food pills for tonight's dinner. As for the kids, Bomar and Girmar, they're watching television, as usual. Kimar is not happy about that, he really doesn't like the children to watch all those Earth broadcasts. Now, a quick word about the Martian home: it's rather spare and futuristic , as we might expect. Most everything has a reddish tint, which is a nice touch, Mars being the "red planet" . As for the Martian people: most of their costumes are green, and their skin has a brownish-green tint (although the make-up department was a little careless with the skin coloration -- in many scenes there's no tint at all) Martians (with one exception) have antennae, and always wear helmet-like head gear, even inside their homes. The helmets have tubes on them, which seem a little cumbersome to wear. Presumably, those tubes have a purpose, but it's never explained. Momar comes home with the food pills and has a chat with her husband. The children all over Mars aren't eating or sleeping well and seem unhappy. Their heads are full of this Santa Claus person. What should be done? Momar suggests that Kimar and the Martian ruling council should consult the sage Chochem, who lives in a cave in a forest. So Kimar gathers together the council members and they go off to the cave of the ancient wise man. This is a rather barren cavern with a lot of red rock and seems at first to be deserted, but Chochem suddenly appears for a consultation. He's very, very old and is the only Martian with no antennae and no helmet. (Maybe Martians lose their antennae with great age?) Chochem has visited Earth and knows all about Santa Claus. He says Martian children lack fun and gaiety; they live too regimented a life. Mars needs to allow its youngsters a real childhood. Then Chochem disappears in a puff of smoke. So Kimar decides on a sensible course of action: Lighten up on the schooling requirements, give the kids some toys, and throw in some tender loving care while they're at it. Right? No, he doesn't decide that. The best solution, he thinks, is to go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus! He's opposed by council member Voldar, who thinks introducing fun and games into Martian culture would rip apart the fabric of their society. But Kimar brings him along on the expedition anyway. So, the Martian space ship blasts off and soon is in orbit around Earth. They have a nifty anti-radar cloaking device which doesn't work at first, causing Earth to send out aircraft to investigate the anomaly on the radar screens. But the device is fixed when Dropo is pulled out of the "anti-radar box" -- he had stowed away there because he's always wanted to visit Earth -- and the crisis is averted. The Martians look for St. Nick but are confused by all the street Santas ringing bells and doing the store front "Ho, ho, ho" bit. So they land by a lake where there just happens to be a couple of children just sitting around listening to a radio. These are siblings Billy and Betty, eight and ten years old, and they're a little scared, but Kimar assures them that no harm will come to them, he just wants to know about all these Santa Claus guys he keeps seeing. Oh, there's only one real Santa, the kids tell him. And he's at the North Pole. That's enough for Kimar, but old meanie Voldar points out that the kids might alert the Earth leaders, so Billy and Betty are abducted and find themselves on a Martian space ship. And off they go to the North Pole. I'm going to summarize the next part: Betty and Bobby escape the Martian ship with the intent of warning Santa. There's a brief encounter with a silly-looking polar bear and then they're recaptured by an even sillier-looking robot. When the robot proves useless against Santa's magic, the Martians break into the toy workshop, and, using ray guns that temporarily "freeze" Mrs. Claus and the elves, force Santa to come with them. "You're working for us now," the jolly old elf is informed. Santa Claus is dismayed, of course, but he takes it in stride, and acts as a comfort to Betty and Bobby. He even makes himself agreeable to his captors, teaching them a few jokes, such as: What is soft and sweet and green and you roast it over a fire? Answer: A martian-mallow. (Oh, come on, don't roll your eyes. If you were nine years old, you might think that was a great joke.) Being captives of green aliens is not the worst of the troubles for Santa, Billy, and Betty. Voldar, believing the Earth folk will contaminate Martian life, tries to send the trio out of an airlock. Naturally, Santa doesn't let that happen; Voldar's perfidy is revealed and he is arrested. But we're not done with the evil Voldar yet -- upon arriving at Mars, he escapes from the bumbling Dropo's care, hides in a cave, and leads an anti-Santa resistance movement. As for St Nick, he's put to work making toys, although, this being technologically superior Mars, he pushes a button on a big control panel to produce machine-made playthings. He's assisted by Betty, Bobby, Girmar, and Bomar. Poor Santa is pretty bored. But that's not the worst of it -- Voldar and his minions are planning some new deviltry. This film can be pretty silly at times, but unlike most B-flicks, it's silliness is deliberate rather than accidental. Obviously, children are the target audience, although I'm not sure if today's kids would like it, given that the special effects are pretty primitive. Personally, I enjoyed this film, but "your mileage may vary." Rating: 3/5

I'm feeling a little guilty about this, but I didn't miss Watson at all. Go Kitty! Crime-of-the-week was meh, but I did like the Gregson story line. I concur with those who think his behavior seems out of character (on the other hand, men can sometimes be very protective of their daughters.) Daniel, The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes is probably available at your local library. Of course, it's not TV Watson's version, but Conan Doyle's. (And not his best work.)

WHITE PONGO, aka ADVENTURE UNLIMITED (1945) A couple of days ago we were trekking up the Himalayas looking for a yeti. Today we're on safari in the Congo, looking for a white gorilla, or pongo, which, according to the film, is the native word for gorilla. Not only is this gorilla white, but he's far more intelligent than other gorillas. Some think he is the missing link. Our safari is led by Sir Harry Bragdon and some other old guy whose name I didn't catch. Bragdon also brings along his daughter, Pamela, and his secretary, Clive Carsell. Neither Pam nor Clive are very useful on safari, but Bragdon never travels without them, and he's the boss. There's also Hans Kroegert, a guide, and several white guards carrying rifles, and a great many native servants who carry stuff through the jungle and probably do the cooking and cleaning. So here we are trekking through the jungle, sometimes on the river with boats, and sometimes through the foliage on foot. We get to see lots of stock footage of animals, some of whom actually belong in Africa. Meanwhile, as we're trekking, Pamela has her eye on one of the guards, named Geoffrey Bishop, which doesn't sit well with Clive, who has long lusted for his boss's daughter. Sir Harry doesn't like it, either, because Geoffrey is a mere guard, and therefore of a lower social class. Geoffrey acts like he's annoyed by the whole business, but he really is rather attracted to Pamela. Pam is persistent in her wooing of the handsome guard and approaches him wearing a frilly white dress while he's trying to eat dinner. (She packed that fancy gown for a safari?) Okay, enough of the soap opera, what about the safari? Well, they come to the area that the White Pongo (I'll just call him WP from now on) is supposed to be, and set up permanent camp. Actually, they chop down a bunch of trees and create a fort, complete with comfortable sleeping quarters and even barred windows. WP has actually been hanging around the fort, hiding behind trees and bushes. One night, his curiosity gets the better of him and he peeks through a window. He just happens to be looking into Pam's bedroom, and there she is, sound asleep on her nice metal framed bed with mattress and pillows (They packed that for a safari?) Pam wakes up and screams. Everyone comes running, but WP has already fled. And everyone thinks Pam just had a nightmare. Now, it seems that Hans Kroegert, the expedition's guide, is in reality a bad guy, although there's been no sign of it until now. Clive, getting tired of being constantly rebuffed by Pamela, and also, like the audience, getting bored with the whole safari business, approaches Hans. "Whatever you're up to, I want in." he says. Well, what Hans is planning is to mutiny and divert the the expedition to a gold field where he expects to get filthy rich. He'll be taking all the native servants and the guards and leaving the good guys behind with no provisions. "Alrighty, " says Clive, "as long as I can bring Pamela with me." Hans isn't keen on the idea, but agrees as long as Clive promises to keep her under control. (Why does Hans let Clive come along, anyway? He isn't much use on safari, why would he be any good at gold mining?) So the mutiny happens; Hans, Clive, all the servants, and the most of the guards take off, after tying up Bragdon, et all. Pamela is forced to go with them. But Geoffrey is loyal to Sir Harry, because he really isn't a lowly guard at all. He is an undercover Rhodesian police officer, who joined the safari on the trail of a notorious killer, believed to be Hans Kroegert. So now he helps them all escape and they take off after the bad guys. As a plus point, Geoffrey is now socially acceptable to the snobs. But what of WP? He's been following the fair Pamela, because, as we all know, gorillas are easily smitten by human females, and habitually carry them off. Clive and the other rascals get into a dispute, and Pamela takes advantage of the moment to escape, but Hans follows her and is about to grab her, when WP shows up, kills Hans, and runs off carrying Pam over his shoulder. Will Pamela be rescued? Is WP really the missing link? Will those jerks on safari capture him? Where is that gold mine, anyway? Is the movie over yet? Rating: 1/5 Note: No review tomorrow, it being Thanksgiving Day. I'll be back Friday with a little something to start off the Christmas season. Happy Thanksgiving, all.

Too many plot lines, but I liked the episode anyway. Rowena and Crowley -- what a pair those two are going to be! Talk about a "mother and child reunion". Cole, good-bye (I hope) Or maybe he'll start eating livers like his dad? Also good-bye to Hannah, who I actually have come to like. But I have to agree that angel storyline really wasn't going anywhere. Dean on a dating site? Seems odd, but he probably figured, heck, why not? I can see him doing that, just for kicks.

Or possibly nauseating.

POLAR STORM (2009) Decided to take a bit of a break from Mill Creek. Today's offering is a made-for-tv disaster flick that I found "on-demand". I wish I had 'demanded" something else. I'll admit that disaster movies aren't my favorite genre, but I have liked some: Deep Impact, The Poseidon Adventure, and the 1953 Titanic, and maybe a couple of others. As for Polar Storm -- who ever thought the end of the world could be so dull? Let's meet our lead characters: Dr. James Mayfield: astrophysicist Cynthia, his wife, a high school science teacher Shane, James's son from a previous marriage. Shane is upset with his father for being too busy to have much time for him; moreover, his step-mother is also his teacher. Ultimate bummer! General Mayfield: James's father, and an advisor to the US president. He's estranged from his son for reasons that are never entirely clear. For a disaster movie to really work, we need to care about the characters; otherwise, all you've got is a bunch of special effects and a lot of screaming. While Dr. Mayfield and family are sympathetic characters, it's still a little hard to work up too much interest in them, so that's one reason this film is dull. The other reason is the plot, which is pretty much a retread of any routine disaster flick you've ever seen. As follows: A comet passes close to the earth. Part of it splits off and plunges into Alaska, creating big problems there. James is up there to observe the comet and barely escapes with his life. Returning home, James observes that the sun is setting where it shouldn't be. When he checks with the scientific institute that he works for, he finds that everything has become classified. So James does his own calculations and figures out that the sun is off by 10 degrees, so something is clearly very wrong. James figures that the asteroid impact has damaged the earth's core and that will cause major consequences. Clearly, the authorities should be making some sort of announcement, but there's a gag order. What follows is rather amusing to a resident of the coastal PNW. James contacts an old school friend who is a TV reporter; they meet in a park that has a sundial, known to be perfectly accurate. Using the sundial as illustration, Dr. Mayfield demonstrates that the sun isn't where it should be because the earth's polar axis has shifted, and people really need to know. Why is that scene humorous? Because this movie takes place somewhere in Washington state, and judging by the abundant foliage, it's in the area west of the Cascades [note: this was actually filmed in British Columbia]. In other words, the wrong part of the world to be expecting much in the way of sunshine. Certainly, there's a few decorative sundials in these parts, but they're entirely useless ten or eleven months out of the year. How could anyone know whether or not that movie sundial was accurate, except maybe in August? That's the high point of this movie, because it gave me a laugh. The rest is pretty predictable. The feds want to keep things under wraps because they don't want people to panic. The president himself orders Major Mayfield to rein in his son. Cynthia and Shane are in one of the danger zones. There are earthquakes and waves of electro-magnetic energy. People get electrocuted. The world's coming to an end, what shall we do? Well, let's get some atomic bombs and a Soviet diesel-powered submarine and head for the Marianas Trench. And, viewers, if you stay awake long enough, you'll see an underwater volcano. So stop yawning. Rating: 1/5

Noooooo! Gah! Keep it platonic! If they ever hook up romantically, it will be a last ditch attempt to save a failing series. And they're far from being there yet. ( I will confess, though, that as far as the canonical Holmes and Watson go . . .well, let's just say my opinion on the nature of their relationship is a little unpopular with traditionalists. And, actually, they weren't together until the end in canon. They sort of split up when Holmes retires to keep bees.)

THE SNOW CREATURE (1954) Here's another offering from W. Lee Wilder and son. Raynor's not on board this time, so he can't be blamed, I mean, credited for this flick. Dr. Frank Parish is a botanist organizing an expedition into the Himalayas, with the goal of finding exotic mountain plant life. He brings with him Peter Wells, a photo-journalist, and several Sherpa guides. So the group treks up the mountain from their base in the town of Shakar. There's a whole lot of snow and uphill trudging. Trekking and trudging, trudging and trekking. It goes on for a while. The two Caucasians keep apart from the rest, only interacting with the Sherpa leader, Subra, who speaks English. Finally, something happens besides uphill snow trekking. Back down in Shakar, Subra's wife, Tala, is collecting firewood when a tall guy wearing a shag rug grabs her and takes off. She only has time to scream once, but this alerts some of her neighbors, who see what happened. Leva, Subra's brother, organizes a posse and they head off up the mountain. They catch up with the Parish expedition, and deliver the bad news to Subra, who in turn appeals to the two white guys for help. A yeti has kidnapped his wife, the distressed man explains, please help us look for her. Parish and Wells sneer at the whole idea; they're not going to divert a scientific expedition to go look for an imaginary snow monster! Personally, I think these guys are a couple of jerks -- so maybe they don't believe that yetis exist, but, clearly, something has happened to Subra's wife, and he's obviously distraught. Parish and Wells couldn't at least express some sympathy? Parish -- he's our narrator, by the way -- remarks that he may have alienated the Sherpas by his decision. (Gee, ya' think?) And, sure enough, there's a mutiny. Subra confiscates the expedition's rifles and ammunition, and forces Parish and Wells into a hunt for the stolen Tala. (Note that Subra is actually being a nice guy by bringing them along -- he could have just left them behind to die in the cold). So now there's more trekking and trudging, only this time Subra's in charge. I'm going to interject here that yetis may be getting a bad rap in this movie. According to some of the film's dialog, it's not uncommon for the snow creatures to raid human villages for their women. But that doesn't seem to be the case in actual folklore (admittedly, my researches were limited to a half-hour with Google). Yetis are regarded as dangerous and have been known to kill people, but not to carry off females. Yeti predations on human settlements seem to be motivated by hunger rather than lust, and they have a taste for yak meat; thus, half-eaten yak carcasses are sometimes blamed on yeti attack. Okay, back to the movie. After a whole lot of uphill slogging, the posse discovers some unusual tracks that the Sherpas think were made by yeti. Parish and Wells are starting to think that maybe there is something to this abominable snowman business, after all. Now a storm sets in, and the group takes refuge in a cave -- only to find a necklace that belongs to Tala! She's been here! Further into the cave, they find a skeleton of a mountain goat -- remains of a yeti meal, perhaps? So they press on. And finally find a yeti. Actually, three yetis, apparently a family group. The male dislodges part of the cave wall in an attempt to create a barrier but ends up bringing a load of dirt and rocks on himself and the female and child. In the confusion, Parish and Wells take back the rifles from the Sherpa. The white guys are back in charge. The male yeti survived the debacle, the other two were crushed to death. Parish, once again the expedition's head honcho, decides that finding a real live yeti trumps any botanical specimens he might find, and so has the yeti tranquillized and brought back to Shakar. Since this village has suddenly become big enough to have a police station and all sorts of modern conveniences, Parish makes a number of arrangements: calls back home and lets the Corey Institute know about his big discovery, arranges for the yeti to be kept in Shakar under sedation until he can be moved, and has all the Sherpas in this expedition arrested. But then he magnanimously decides not to press charges. In addition, Parish has the Corey Institute make up a big refrigerator unit to ship the snow creature back to the USA. Meanwhile, Wells, the photographer, is irritated because they could sell the yeti to the highest bidder and make a lot of money. No, says Parish, Mr. Snow Monster is going to the Corey Institute where he belongs. (Um, doesn't he belong in the Himalayan mountains with his own kind?) Well, the yeti is shipped to Los Angeles, being stuck a big upright box, refrigerated, sedated, and, presumably fed. I hope they had enough raw yak meat to keep him happy. Parish and company run into some trouble with customs and immigration, and while they're dealing with the red tape, the yeti is left in a sort of warehouse. Either someone forgot to give him an injection, or maybe he's developed a tolerance for the stuff, because he wakes up. And he's not very happy. Soon the abominable snowman has escaped and is roaming the streets of LA. Like the previous two W. Lee Wilder movies, this one has some good ideas, but is very dull in execution. Just how much slogging through snow do we need to see? How many time-filler conversations? Too much of this flick is just plain boring. I recommend it for bad movie lovers -- but have a pack of cards handy. You may want to play some solitaire during the long trek-and-trudge sequences. Rating: 2/5