Muffyn

That always drives me nuts. I understand they don't want to waste time showing him brush his teeth, but can't they find some way to imply he did more than roll out of bed into his clothes and headed out the door?

I hate Amanda who smoked when she was pregnant. I hate her voice. I hate her face. I hate her deader than dead vocal intonations. I especially hate the close up of her Eeyore face when she puts it up against the incubator. Okay, so maybe I've seen this commercial too many times today. Also, DQ flamethrower cheeseburger guy - if it hurts that much in your mouth, it's going to even worse later. Digestive system aflame does not sound fun to me. This commercial brings to mind the Terrance and Phillip movie "Asses of Fire."

I have visions of David at his mistress’ house. She offers him potatoes prepared in many different ways – baked, mashed, fried, hash, scalloped. They make love in a mountain of creamy garlic mashed potatoes with her putting her potato covered fingers in his mouth as he greedily sucks the evil white carbohydrates off her hand. On another visit, she makes him a casserole from a very old school recipe. We’re talking about canned soup and noodles. Yes, wide egg noodles in all of their chewy glory. She offers this with a simple salad and bread. This is not your fancy whole grain, high fiber, good for you bread. No. She lays out a basket of white bread, dinner rolls, dare I say, even Pillsbury biscuits and crescent rolls and a whole stick of room temperature real butter, ready to spread. When he’s had his fill, they curl up on the couch. He unbuttons the top button on his pants to give himself more room to breathe. He whispers to her, “How about next time we do taco Tuesday? I’ll bring the chips and salsa.” As to Hayley, yes she came off as an entitled brat. I didn’t understand the whole let’s get a hotel suite set up. Unless you had people there to do hair, makeup, mani/pedis, it makes no sense. It was just designed to make Meghan look good and it failed. Hayley’s behavior made me think of the show “Time of Death”. It is a difficult watch. It covers the last months or days of terminally ill people. There was a single mother of three, two teenagers who lived with her and one who was in college. There was a lot of acting out from the younger two kids. For now I’ll give Hayley a pass on the behavior we saw. She is 17 and being shoved into really awkward situations. At the same time, I give no pass to her parents for exposing her this way. Do none of these people have sense enough to let their children grow up off camera? Oops. Answered my own question. When they first showed Ryan’s spawn, her nose looked smashed in. It was reminiscent of Cubert on Futurama, a clone of the professor that he left in the tube to long and his nose got smashed in. If I were a member of Vicki’s family, I would welcome Brooks to accompany her. Then he could be the one tasked with filling her never-full vortex of neediness.

That's it. You win the internet for the day. I'd even go for the week and possibly the month. I can see his little rat face as he gnaws away. Tamra would be glaring through the window, her beady little rat eyes shining brightly. The family that gnaws together, stays together. I was wondering if they were suggesting that Ryan and his spawn would move to the OC, probably just for filming so Tamrat could revel in being a grandma, I missed that Vicki picked her mother up to hug her when she was in the coffin. If often give Vicki the benefit of the doubt. She's ridiculous and OTT but she's entertaining. This, not so much. Thankfully Bravo did not film the funeral (I'm sure the family put the kibosh on that). True story: my grandfather and his sister Pearl did not get along. She was a larger than life character - always dressed in shiny white, painted her nails white, had white hair in an old school Dolly Parton piled high fashion. When they lowered his coffin into the ground, she went to leave, probably so she could guzzle from her flask without anyone seeing. She fell on the half-lowered coffin. Rather than acknowledging she tripped, she started sobbing and screeching, "Why? Why? Take me Lord!" At graveside services they rarely lower the coffin while the family watches now. The family doesn't know how lucky they are. I could see Vicki pulling a Pearl and riding the coffin into the ground.

Meghan, you don’t need to wear a pink (or whatever indescribable color that was) fur cowl if you wear a shirt with a back. Did she accidentally put a fuzzy toilet cover on and walk out of the house? I hate her constantly bringing up Leeann’s cancer. So far I hate everyone associated with the Meghan story line except for the ex-wife. I could do with a lot less of them. That poor baby had the worst birth ever. Among her first sights of the world were Ryan and Tamra. Given the Ryan’s girlfriend runs a gun shop, the spawn of Satan (or is that the spawn of the spawn of Satan) will have access to guns when she gets older. The end of times is near. I can only hope David closed the door because one of their therapists or counselors has suggested that they not expose all of their dirty laundry on TV.

I don't know about Rick, but I was busy ching changging my ding dang.

Now that's a show I would watch! That's actually progress of a sort. For a long time, if a woman had an abortion, she would die within a few episodes. It could not go unpunished. Dammit! I miss Stan.

I'm going to lecture the Countess and Moaner on manners. When you invite a guest into your or another's home, you are responsible for them. If Lu got her freak on, then escorted her guest out - fine. If Moaner had done the deed, then had the man stay with her - fine. She would have been aware of his actions (or should have been; however given how drunk they may have been I am being generous in this assessment). Having your guest stay in another room in the home, away from where you can reasonably assess what they are doing, you barely know the person and you have not informed the other housemates that this person is staying - uncool. Way uncool. Heather did say she opened the door to Bethenny's bedroom, so the bathroom door was closed on that side. I would still be angry if I woke up and there was some naked guy sleeping alone in the bedroom adjoining mine. Kadooz to production for the shot of someone's bra and panties on the floor of the main room. Classy! Best supporting actor award to the chef for quietly going about his business while all of this was happening. If Moaner ever came running up to me with one of her big hugs like she tried with Dorinda in the ladies room, I would knee drop her before she knew what was coming. Given how drunk she was , she couldn't be certain if I had taken her down or she fell on her own. Did anyone else notice that after the fight at the restaurant, there was another full martini in front of Dorinda. True girl code says if your friend is that drunk, you get her home. You do not order another round or take her out to a club. Time to pour her into bed. Uncool, ladies, uncool.

I forgot about the Percocet. Depending on the strength he took anywhere from a full day's maximum dosage to two day's dosage in 12 hours. http://www.drugs.com/dosage/percocet.html If you take too many Percocet, it will mess with your reasoning too. Only Dubrow would chuckle over it rather than have the girlfriend take the pills away from him and make sure he took no more than planned. (Full disclosure: I made this mistake when an ex-girlfriend had her wisdom teeth pulled. I left the pill bottle on the nightstand on her side of the bed. She took so many that at 5:00 AM she woke me up in a crazy panic, convinced she was dying. Seems the Percocet had her mind spinning in all kinds of paranoid and crazy ways. Fortunately her dentist was incredibly competent and got us through. Good times!) That guy seems like a sucking vortex of need with deep psychological issues. But he sure cleans up purty for his after photos.

This was the first episode I actually enjoyed. I found myself caring a bit about the characters, especially Spencer. Although I definitely could have done without the Charles being pursued by the ultra hot masturbating babe. That seemed like pure fantasy fulfillment on the part of the writers.

When bypass boy asked Kim to marry him, all I could think was "Don't do it!" He seemed to have so many emotional issues. She will be carrying his emotional burdens at all times. I would not expect him to ever support her. I did find it funny that the surgery not only corrected his scars and fat pockets but also removed his body hair. It's a miracle! It was like something out of the miracle diet before and after photos. Farrah needs to go far, far away. It amazes me how many little to no talent celebrities are ready to line up for Botched. They all need to stay beautiful for the "fans". There is so much delusion.

I laughed so hard watching this I scared the cats. They ran like their tails were on fire. The actor that Key and Peele are talking to deserves an Emmy for his brilliant reactions to their OTT actions. How did he keep not just a straight face but was also able to react to them with anything other than failing over laughing? Off to draxx some sklounst!

I've heard if say Duggars three times while looking in a mirror, then spin counter-clockwise, you become pregnant. Perhaps that's what's going on.

I too was trying to give Meghan the benefit of the doubt. No, just no. Her stepdaughter looked so uncomfortable during Meghan's little speech. First, pushing the we're more like friends BS was really uncomfortable. Second, tagging on the impending death of the girl's mother while explaining how upset Vicki was is just unconscionable. Vicki may be okay with her grief as a story line. We have no reason to believe that this girl is. In the brief clips we've seen of her stepdaughter, this 17 year old comes off as more mature than Meghan. Can we just put her back under whatever rock they pulled her out from under? If Jim's ex-wife dies, this girl will need a parent more than an inconsiderate, immature, camera-seeking "friend".

A friend was the court reporter on a case involving a fundy-type couple that was suing Burger King for emotional damages because they found a condom wrapper. One of the attorneys, when questioning the man, said something along the lines of "When you reached into the condiments, you pulled out a condom wrapper." The witness loudly exclaimed, "Condiments!?! Condiments!?! We don't use no condiments! We are god-fearing people!" Off topic, but I couldn't resist sharing. If only the Duggars knew the evil of condiments.

Somebody's Baby works for all of the Duggar kids. After all, they are JB and Mechelle's babies, but through how much of their up-bringing could their parents not be spotted (unless someone was willing to be defrauded in the most disgusting way by opening their parents' bedroom door - the humanity!). She must be somebody's baby She's go to be somebody's baby Where's her mom?

TattleTeeny, as long as you hold onto your teeth until you're 60, you're fine. At 60, they expect some tooth loss without it being linked to poor choices.

Perhaps they are thinking of the tattoo to teeth ratio: http://www.gomerblog.com/2014/03/tattoo-tooth/.

The lighting and camera crews were there to film the party. They followed Vicki to the phone. If I were hoping to catch the drama at an otherwise dull event, I'd stay with the Vicks. She brings a level of non-self-aware crazy to so many things. (Also, the lighting was very extreme for the small room.) I assume they folow her to the bathroom in case they can get her screaming "I was bleeding out my ass!" again. Vicki is nuts but she is reality gold.

Almost everyone is looking fisticatable to me this morning. Muffyn needs more than 3 hours sleep and much less construction noise. That damn new roof had best last twenty years or I will be fisticating all over the place.

I have always assumed Moaner's clothes are covered in the spit, sweat and other juices, shall we say, of the various hotel employees with access to her room. I would sense she has made the statement, "I don't remember there being a brown stripe on this [article of clothing]" more times than she can count.

Being fully aware that I woke up extra cranky this morning, I did not to be assaulted with the you're-so-happy-you-are-inspired-to-make-up-new-words "phisticated" ad. That is not a new word. That is you dropping the first two letters off of sophisticated. I am however going to create a new word - fisticated. That is when I shove my fist in your mouth to keep you from smarmily saying your house is "phisticated". Fisticate: to shove your fist into someone's mouth. Fisticated: a mouth filled with a rage-filled person's fist.

This clip made me extra stabby. They really cannot have a genuine moment. And then to make this about Josh. JB should crawl under a rock and disappear. Mechelle can take the rock next to his so she can stare adoringly. If Josh watched porn, no big deal. If he went to strip clubs, no big deal. If he got carpal tunnel syndrome from spending too much time trying to do a quick spank job whenever he could get a moment alone, who cares? But Josh playing the holier than though, women/girls are at fault for "defrauding" men into sexual thoughts/conduct makes it all a huge problem. The whole he wasn't Christian at the time of the molestation is a smoke screen I have seen before. If you had spoken to him before these events, he would have said he was Christian. He took Jesus into his heart. However, when something like this happens the excuse is either the devil pushed Jesus out or he never fully embraced Christ. Josh apparently has a heart like a sieve; Jesus just keeps oozing out.

Dammit! Eminem could have saved him but now it's too late!

Actually when Kristen stood up, her top had slid down to her waist, giving you the impression that it was a belt. Her boobs were blurred for TV. LuAnn announced, "The convertible has opened up the roof". So while they do often screw with the editing, that does not seem to be the case here.