SnarkEnthusiast

Jason was damn endearing this ep. So was Janet. That said, Janet's crush on Jason feels a lot like Boyle's crush on Rosa on S1 of B99 - something the writers think is hilarious and adorable, when in reality it's clunky and awkward. Especially with Jason since as others have said, he has much stronger backstory/ongoing chemistry/buildup with Tahani, so I don't like that being arbitrarily thrown away because it's funny to watch Janet lust after a human. Eh, all this "Eleanor is bi" jokey subtext feels like blatant queer pandering, especially the scene with Simone, which everyone on social media is predictably eating up. I don't think Mike Schur has any intention of actually making her bi or writing her exploring her attraction to women - it will always be confined to winking "Eleanor is horny for ladies" punchlines. I naively thought for a split second that they'd use the new timeline to pair Eleanor/Tahani while Chidi/Simone were paired off but now that the gang knows everything again, that ship has sailed.

It is truly a life changing experience, isn't it?

Wow, Grace had self-introspection for once. I liked her saying that Will being gay improved her life rather than ruining it, with the implication that their friendship became much stronger and is worth infinitely more to her than the romance he denied her (in her mind, especially at that time, she seems to have always perceived his coming out as intentionally leading her on and humiliating her on a whim when he couldn't stomach her sexually anymore, as opposed to him grappling with his own self-loathing and on some level trying to make the relationship work romantically because he did love her). This was a really important revelation for Grace to have, especially because her entire character is more or less formulated around sexual bitterness and the "delusional straight woman" trope of perpetually hoping that there could be romantic potential there again. She does always seem to kind of be waiting around to see if Will decides to climb back down the Kinsey scale, so hopefully this puts an end to her guilt tripping and like Will said, blaming all their fights on the Original Sin of Will leaving her. Admittedly, given the wacky supernatural hijinks of the Jack/Karen plot, I thought the thunderstorm would factor into the Will/Grace plot by jolting them into a parallel timeline where Will and Grace had gotten married and Will was still in the closet. I always think the occasional little dance that the show does around actual romantic subtext between Will and Grace is interesting, even if it's been well-established as more dysfunctional codependency than anything else. I'm reminded of the original run episode where Will goes to therapy after having sex dreams about Grace. It fascinates me that they continue to be reluctant to totally close that door, although I guess in the 90s you could chalk it up to needing to appease or appeal to straight female viewers. While Sean Hayes is a master of both physical comedy and line delivery (ITSNOTFAKEKAREN!), sometimes I think the writers think Jack is more adorable than he actually is and lean into that a little too hard. He's pushing 50, so it's weird that they have him flouncing around like a 13-year-old trying out new hobbies every week. With that said, the Jack/Karen/Rosario moment and especially the kiss was very sweet and heartfelt. It actually felt like Karen and Rosario finally getting a chance to have a proper goodbye.

The state of C&T's marriage this season is a testament to the disparity between social media and reality. It's so strange watching them fawn over the trap baby pregnancy and post sappy shit about the gender reveal while barely speaking and fearing/wishing for the end of the relationship on camera.

Why are they even still talking about winning the money? 9 weeks with 4 beams and you think you're going to pair 7 new couples the last week just because you sat around and cried about your past traumas together? Sure, Jan. It's BS that they have to blow their last truth booth on Brett/Nutsa when they could've answered this question weeks ago. The fate button has ruined this season. Finally, screen time for Andrew and that blonde girl! Not digging Andrew's Kwasi-style Hulk rage blowout, but he was actually cute with Calli. For a second, I was convinced Zak & Jasmine would end his apology with a make out. These idiots would have fared a lot better had they done all the half-assed speed dating Week 1 and not, what, two nights before the last beam ceremony? I did enjoy that Brett & Bria's apparently involved at least six pints of Ben & Jerry's. Now that's my kind of casual date!

After the colorism debacle this season, it's not a good look for the show to tout the matches as "locked" potential marriages and then turn around and try to seduce (only) the guy who picked the (only) dark skinned black woman with a white blonde woman. He already picked Jada on the basis of supposedly being able to envision their wedding, so even he acknowledges his attraction to the other woman is looks-driven. I don't know why Pastor Cal would be trying to stir up shit. I think he was just annoyed that the guy had the nerve to ditch the blonde woman after telling her she was his future wife, when [Chris?] basically admitted that he knew he had a better emotional connection with Jada, but was having trouble giving up the opportunity to bang the blonde (what's her name???).

To be fair to them, I think we all saw what we wanted to see with respect to Bobby and Danielle. Bobby had mentioned that in past relationships, he had done all the work. I think the producers saw that even though they are an adorable power couple, they're also quite boring because they never have conflict and Danielle herself admits she's not very expressive. So the producers manipulated her reserve nature in editing to make it look like she was never giving Bobby any affection and essentially using him as a maid. The reality is probably somewhere in between. I think Bobby is naturally much more emotive and affectionate than Danielle, but that doesn't necessarily mean Danielle is cold or lying about feelings for him. They definitely have different love languages, which runs the risk of burning out Bobby in particular since we've been given the impression that he runs around doing all the housework and doing anything he can think of to please Danielle, but for now he seems absolutely infatuated and over the moon. I want a Bobby!

UGH that would make this snoozefest season totally worth it!

I was happy to see the tattoo guy (Chris?) pick substance over lust by picking Jada over the blonde, especially after he said the only thing keeping him from picking Jada was that he was "way more physically attracted" to the other girl (read: she's white and blonde). And Jada is stunning! Shame on producers for risking her match to bring the other girl back for drama. I really like Shannon, but Kimber clearly doesn't want kids. People don't like being convinced either way. Obvious deal breaker. Well, Isabella certainly has a type. Her dude is basically if David became a gym bro. I don't...get it. Brandin is already showing herself to be a high maintenance, insecure piece of work. She's Amber 10 years ago. I'm with everyone on the too-short matching period. We barely saw everyone who went home. Couldn't the rejects at least be given a chance to pair off with each other before being exiled?

Exactly! They're both very high school in totally different ways. At the end of the day, they're both at fault because they chose to fixate on ridiculous things. Amber's insecurity about hair colors and Dave wanting to date other women solely based on hair color and spinning out over the inane rating exercise was frivolous and incredibly juvenile. She constantly shot herself in the foot in my opinion because whenever Dave would start actually like her and think that they had a future, she would latch on to something stupid and turn the next 12 hours into a fight because Dave said thank you to the brunette grocery store cashier or whatever. With that said, Dave had huge issues with immaturity too. As you said, they're 35, not high school sweethearts. It's not like Dave or the gym dude for that matter took Amber's virginity. I'm guessing his body count is well beyond single digits at this point. What kind of misogynistic locker room talk happened at that gym where Dave would've been put off the prospect of even getting to know Amber had he known? What kind of dick measuring contest is this? He might as well have just peed all over her to save himself some time. He just got to frame himself as the rational, levelheaded one because his issues were ones about Manliness and Bro Ethics, whereas Amber's could be easily brushed aside as hysterics about femininity and imagined rivalry with other women. Hey Dave, wasn't your main bone of contention sticking your bone when your gym buddy's had been? it's the same paranoia and insecurity but Amber got all the bad rap in my opinion. It reminds me of my junior year of high school where a girl was dating a boy who was absolutely infatuated with her. She started hanging out with his social group and soon dumped him for his friend, who she dated for years afterwards and ultimately wound up marrying. I think they eventually got over it, but the rest of that year was… awkward between them to say the least. At least we were actually 16 and not halfway to 40.

I fucking CANNOT with Amber. Kristina was so kind watching James overnight and then that shady sloth conveniently proposes parasailing to Leah (which she clearly could care less about! You know Amber only picked it because she thought it seemed like a "cool mom" activity). Then, lo and behold, the "1.5 hour appointment" becomes an all-day outing specifically designed to exclude Kristina and steamroll her mani/pedi idea, which she was gracious enough to invite Amber to join. Then, those two losers come breezily strolling back in to pick up their infant like Kristina is their personal on-call nanny. Amber barely touched him for what, 36 hours? Bye bitch. Tripp is smarter/more mature than the entire Palin family combined. "I won't make it awkward." "Oh trust me, you will." How embarrassing that your 9-year-old son already has your number and knows that your co-parenting skills are forever stuck on "drama-addicted teen." I felt terrible for Bentley when Larry said he cried out of worry that Ryan's arrest meant he wasn't clean. He's too young to be stressed out over things like that. Cheyenne needs to stop making herself miserable with self-created drama and just get back together with Cory. He's a great dad, funny, hot as hell, and appropriately superficial. A perfect match. Man, Tyler's life sucks. He just goes around bankrolling toxic losers who drone on for hours about how their actions aren't their fault and they're going to need 68 more spa sessions to recover. He really loves bringing up his own suicide attempt to a disturbing degree. His face lit up when the counselor told him not to spare Butch's feelings. Although Butch deserves it, I'd imagine he also got the brunt of Tyler's repressed frustration with Cate. He hardly spoke to her the whole episode.

I also think that's a general commentary on being in your 20s (or maybe just an anti-millennial commentary) about the difference between dreaming of pursuing your passion and actually putting in the work to make your passion a reality. Beck is enrolled in an MFA program, has rich friends like Peach willing to bankroll her every creative whim, and is at least financially stable enough to fuck around in an upper-middle-class lifestyle in between incredibly brief bouts of "thinking about writing," yet never seems to actually produce anything and only squeezes out the most mediocre of work when under immense pressure and seemingly only to maintain the façade of being an aspiring writer. She uses the idea of wanting to become a writer as a placeholder to put off having to confront the fact that she has zero passions or real life plans. It's not just writers block, she hates writing and dreads even the possibility. It's just the artsy interest that she tells people she has to look profound or complicated at parties. But she continues to insist that her dream is being an author because that's the hipster persona she's created for herself and one that serves as a crutch and a smokescreen to avoid real adult reality. I would wager she also has to keep lying to herself because even she is starting to realize that she's a fraud with no ambition.

I enjoyed how this episode delved into what a big nothing burger Beck is as a person. Frankly, if it weren't for the narrative dramatic irony of knowing that she's a stalking victim with a high probability of becoming a murder victim, she'd be a little more than a vapid asshole as a character, which I guess is kind of the point. The only thing that makes her different from her friends is not some manic pixie dream girl joie de vivre or actual writing talent, but just that she attracts obsessive clingers who confuse all-consuming sexual infatuation with believing that she's marriage material or has any depth whatsoever. Over the years, Beck has probably bought into their hype and thinks she does everyone a favor just by existing. I know people like her (and have lusted after people like her) and it's absolutely mind-boggling. They don't have to do anything and people just fawn all over them. I admire the show for flipping the manic pixie dream girl trope on its head and rather than the guy ignoring the girl's personality to fit his own narratives, the girl is just an empty vessel and kind of a terrible person. I thought making Beck really crappy and unmotivated at the job Joe had handed her as a result of her magical vagina was an excellent touch and very reflective of how narcissistic and hot people in general just coast by in real life. Speaking of magical vagina, what was up with the random introduction of the neighbors friend/apparently Joe's rebound? What are the chances that you would be walking home from a breakup and some brand new acquaintance is just waiting outside your door eagerly ready to rip off your pants? Did they bang in poor Paco's apartment? That kid just can't catch a break with sleazy dudes. That said, I'm excited by her introduction. She seems like she actually has a good head on her shoulders. I think Joe intentionally goes for airheaded insecure girls because they're easy to control and manipulate, but this rebound could be Joe's undoing. I think this new woman is far too confident and self-assured to swoon over Joe's adolescent Romeo moves. I have a feeling she's going to take Joe down and maybe even save Beck in the process. Other random thoughts: I think it's really interesting that they continue to subtly link Joe's premature ejaculation problem/inability to last in bed with his sociopath tendencies. Is it just the story's way of encouraging us to mock him for fancying himself the ultimate Lothario when in reality he can barely last long enough to get inside a woman? Or is it a warning shot (no pun intended) about his sexual deviance and unhealthy levels of obsession? he seems to be so overtaken by the idea of a woman and becomes so overinvested in the fantasy of being with her that he absolutely loses control whenever that fantasy actually becomes reality, i.e. that he somehow manages to get into their pants. John Stamos is a fucking daddy. Christ, did he look hot with that beard. I'm very confused how mundane everyday scenes and dialogue continue to occur in the basement and the hermetically sealed book chamber without a hitch (including romantic dinners!!!) post-Benji. Doesn't that small bookcase area specifically designed to have limited or controlled ventilation reek of human decay? You can't clean the stench of corpse out of everything, but especially not musty paper. And Joe left the body in that exact spot for at least 36 hours. Surely Beck would smell something - he was straight up fungus-level rotting on the floor right under her feet.

Not to be a thirsty, delusional American, but holy fuck, Fernanda is hot. Is it bad that I barely remember the age difference with the single mom and Jamaican dude? She also seems very immature. Although I guess we're accustomed to watching 45-year-olds chase 21-year-olds so any age gap less than 20 years feels normal. "We don't have an open engagement but I don't care if he cheats on me as long as it's in another country." Girl, what?

To be fair, Anastasia Steele is Bella Swan since 50 Shades was originally Twilight fanfic. But yeah, your original point stands. Beyond the "Mary Sue enigma" literary trope, I think Beck's overall blandness in the show (haven't read the book) is a testament to the general hot girl mythology in society. Physical attractiveness gives you such an advantage in life and we are so overwhelmed over people who are physically attractive because we associate being good-looking with being predisposed to be socially and professionally successful and just inherently superior. Whether you're consumed by lust or envy for the person, hot people ultimately don't need much of a personality at all because everyone else invents a narrative for them to their own advantage whenever that may be. Of course not all hot people are vapid blank slates, but their attractiveness means that can be an option. Beck doesn't need any defining characteristics or life goals or talent because Joe and Peach have already invented their own respective personas for her, which is in turn how the audience sees her, but when you step away from that you realize there's no there there. They're both in love with a mirage, but neither of them care because she's the physical embodiment of their fantasy. At the end of the day, everyone either wants to be beautiful or possess someone beautiful – or both. You certainly bears that out.

I'll spare you guys my next anti-Lea rant (or most of it), but I'm really not digging this "poor Lea" self-pity tour. The show thinks that we want to see Shaun have emotional growth, which is true in theory, but accomplishing it via having one of his only supposed true friends (who is also very aware of his romantic feelings for her) call him an asshole with zero justification beyond "how dare you have negative reactions to my shitty actions" and gaslight him into groveling for her forgiveness (...for what? having a spine and not letting your sexy neighbor use you as a drive-by AirBnB?).....is not the way to go about it. Somehow this plot is going even more crappily than I imagined. When she said "I thought I had a friend who was sweet and nice and open-minded!" which is code for "I thought I could exploit your autism and social naïveté on a whim without consequence!" FUCK OFF! Just fuck off! I'm so sick of able people treating disabled people like toys and then being shocked when they have actual emotions and don't just forget about everything they did. We're not dogs. I did get a little bit of satisfaction at Lea's shocked face when Shaun told her that he had rented an apartment for the two of them to share. That's what happens when you choose to manipulate and guilt trip someone who you know doesn't understand social cues for your own advantage and ego, you self absorbed jackass! I wish he would ditch her, but you know she'll flip the switch and become sugary sweet, especially if he offers pays the rent. I predict she'll keep making Shaun "earn her forgiveness" until he's totally subservient and then reward him with taking his virginity in the midseason finale.

I think also a big chunk of the problem with the TMs is that the constant coddling by producers combined with their Z-list celebrity and social media followings in particular has convinced them that their thoughts and feelings must be addressed immediately and are inherently superior to everyone else's. It's been that way for the better part of 10 years, so why would that mindset change now just because they're biologically older? If anything, year after year of sitting around complaining about their perpetually adolescent problems has only served to addle their egos beyond repair. To then, sitting around on your couch complaining feels like actual labor and should be considered "real work" because it's more or less what made them famous and the network has been throwing money at them to do so. Catelynn and Amber probably think they should be handed gold stars for pooping or puking in the right spot because hey, it's hard existing with mental illness and you should be grateful that they chose to be alive or interact with you that day! Even as the ship is sinking, they're too far gone to be able to grasp the fact that they need actual skills and experience to survive society and no one is going to kiss their asses for getting dressed every day or call shipping out 5 shitty t-shirts a week out of your living room "running a business." They're all too spoiled to live. They're like toddlers who become accustomed to the potty training reward system and then expect to be given a lollipop for completing every basic life task.

While they have good acting chemistry in their scenes, Debra Messing and David Schwimmer have zero romantic spark. Those "kisses" were cringeworthy. Bleck. I did like "No one is convincing anyone to have sex in 2018." Speaking of which, Karen's "affable bigot" persona has not aged well in the current political climate, even if Megan Mulally has. I love Will/Jack buddy plots so I'm glad they've temporarily dropped all the ambiguous hints of a romantic future between them. Feelings and sexual tension would kill their comedic dynamic.

This was definitely supposed to be the first episode because there was zero mention of David Schwimmer. Everything with Karen was more stale and campy than usual. Bad high school play indeed. Will's beard was the MVP of this ep.

The Dina/Mateo plot was awesome and reminded me how much Dina/Garrett should be back together, but since the pairings are apparently carbon copies of The Office romances (Amy/Jonah = Jim/Pam, Garrett/Dina = Dwight/Angela), they probably won't get back together until the series finale lol. I'm so sick of Amy's pregnancy plots! Enough, no one asked for this. Why must we revisit it every episode. Tbh, the writers need to tone down her sour personality. We get it, she's anal and uptight. It's coming off as condescending and a little grating. Yay, no more Noam!

Cosigned. I don't think Cali was on drugs - she just wanted to flaunt and go wild in Tomas' face. Which, I mean...ok. I'm not exactly sure why she was mad at him. All he said was he liked her enough to want to date her outside the game and didn't really give a shit about the producers' silly match formula. Don't know how she got "fuck you, I'm doing my own thing" out of that. The entire cast was obviously really, really drunk at that party, but Cali especially. She acts like a rebellious 15-year-old who claims to be in love with every boy she dates for three weeks. All the aggressive jackhammering dry humping was so embarrassing. Suddenly everyone wants to fuck Cali on the spot because she's...grinding on dudes? So is everyone else! I don't know why she suddenly became irresistible to every man at that party to the point where they forgot their current girlfriends were right next to them. Just shift your dick six inches to the left and grind it on the ass you're supposed to, it will feel the same. Sam definitely flew out of nowhere shrieking and going berserk on Cali for touching Danny. I understand being upset and talking to her about it, but that was a total overreaction and made her look unstable. I think she was trying to impress Bria. Also, I shudder at the thought of liking anything about Bria, but I do enjoy that her style of comforting people involves yelling at them 5 inches from their face about how they're being a moron and embarrassing themselves (pot meet kettle), yet somehow in a weirdly affectionate and supportive way where you can tell she actually cares about them. Morgan's complete lack of self-esteem just makes me sad. Zak invents new lows for himself every week.

Catelynn's response to Tyler's therapy homework was such textbook gaslighting that it was hard to watch. I know we're not fans of Tyler here, but he made one request that didn't even come from him! All he did was ask her to watch a few of the episodes to understand what he was going through while she was at the spa. Also, these people are hardly stellar employees, but it's probably not smart to balk in disgust at the idea of watching the show has been almost your sole source of income and responsible for your quality of life for the past decade. Tyler was not accusing her of being unsympathetic or lacking empathy, although he should be. He seemed genuinely hopeful that the therapist had discovered a new means of communication for them. The marriage is obviously breaking down, but Tyler ironically is the one trying to save it. Sure he's probably milking the martyr husband card a little bit for attention, but I don't blame him at this point. Catelynn, for all her monologues and tears about feeling bad that Tyler is carrying such a burden, treats him like an ungrateful butler/nanny. She just shuffles around the house feeling sorry for herself and ignoring her kid. It's almost like she barely remembers Tyler is there until she needs him to do something. She bites his head off whenever he tries to interact with her or bring up his own topic of conversation that doesn't involve what he can do to make her feel better. Watch how angry she gets immediately when Tyler suggests that they watch the episodes together. She knows she doesn't have a rational reason to justifiably say no, so as usual, she whips out the mental illness card. It takes a special kind of bullshit artistry to turn a calm discussion about how your mental illness is affecting your marriage into a claim that you're too mentally ill to watch yourself being mentally ill. Dumbass, you can't have it both ways. You can't demand that everyone around you restructures their entire lives on a daily basis based on your anxiety and depression while also refusing to acknowledge the aftermath of that constant restructuring. She doesn't actually care about Tyler's feelings, she just cares about appearing as though she cares about his feelings. So, predictable as ever, she finds a way to turn the conversation into an attack on her personally as a wife and mother because she knows those are forbidden criticisms. And then I love when Cate said indignantly about the therapist, "Who is she to say I don't care? What gives her the right?" she's a therapist! You seem perfectly fine with therapists when they're kissing your ass in a desert resort or telling you the best cure for your depression is a movie marathon. You just don't like this one because she's not letting you flop all over yourself playing the victim. She's actually treating like you like an adult with, you know, accountability instead of an overemotional teenager that has to be coddled back to good health. And before you condescendingly look down your snobby little nose at Tyler's therapist, she has these things called formal qualifications, which is what you're supposed to get as an adult in order to have something known as a career. Cate's forgotten most people in the world only get paid for doing stuff other than sleep, fuck, and fuse their ass to their sofa. Cate can fuck all the way off, honestly. I'm rooting for Tyler to divorce her at this point.

Jesse: "I found her crying on the floor so I picked her up...with my penis."

Because Rachel has the mindset of a jealous high school girl and thinks that every woman within a 20 mile radius is going to throw themselves at Jon. The ring is just a way to mark her territory and a socially acceptable alternative to her presumable preference, trailing 18 inches behind him at all times while holding a flashing neon sign that says "THIS IS MY MAN!"

What a repulsive yet hilarious visual. It's still less unsettling than my theory that they are into age play.