Uncle Benzene

Best Carla zinger ever: Cliff: If I were a woman, I'd be crying. Carla: What would you do if you were a man?

Also, the whole thing is exaggerated at the very least, if not completely made up for the show. With all the safety training yachties go through, surely they're all at the very least somewhat educated on what constitutes a serious medical condition on a boat, and what to do about it, and when. Not to mention the liability involved with a television production. Got a hunch it's pretty much standard practice to have "medical on set" for just about any tee vee show. Nobody's being negligent here. If they were, there would already be numerous links in other threads to articles about lawsuits. It's a storyline. Nothing more, nothing less.

Good lord is Hannah John-Kamen just ridiculously gorgeous. The disguise hair made me weak in the knees. I absolutely adore this show. If there were any justice, it would be a full-blown breakout summer hit. Everything about it is just fantastic. Hell, I'll even admit that I like the new credits. I liked the old ones too, and I'm not even a comics/anime kind of guy. But I think it fits with the vibe of the show, and it's an extra bit of fun (for a show that's just chock full of fun!) Anyway, if this premiere is any indication, season 2 might be even better than season 1. I am brimming with optimism for what's to come, anyway. I am giddy with anticipation over the prospect of Khlyen and Fancy teaming up to defend/protect Our Heroes from whatever big bad is hiding in the bushes. And yeah, Clara needs to be made a full-time member of the team asap. Pree too, for that matter. Meantime, seems to me even D'Avin has settled in and is becoming more and more interesting/entertaining with each passing episode. So much fun. And the arrow is pointing upward all the way around. This has officially become can't miss television for me. In fact, it might very well be the ONLY can't-miss show of this summer for me. And... you know what? I know this is a dangerous thing to say, but what the hell, I'm just gonna say it... it's quickly approaching Firefly territory. Whoa, was that out loud? Damn right it was! I regret nothing!

Yep. I love that in the end, it didn't really matter. Because their true identities shall forever be Long Man and Bespectacled Man.

She should call herself Samanthitan. Heh.

Yeah, this show just isn't fun anymore. This new super-duper-serious Therapist Ramsay version is a slog. The improvements to the facilities and menus are treated as afterthoughts, and it doesn't help that apparently Gordo is pretty shitty at getting through to all these people. Has there even been a modest success so far this season? Because if memory serves, they've all failed spectacularly. Stick to your day job, Gordo. (And by "day job" I mean being a dick on tee vee, because that's a hell of a lot more entertaining than this overly-serious self-aggrandizing drivel.) It's almost as if once Amy's Baking Company went viral/nuclear, the producers said "Holy shit, we should do ABC every week!" But that's the thing, the Electric Bouzgalos were lightning in a bottle. Magical unicorns made completely of batshit. You can't just conjure that up every week, or worse yet, try to manufacture a parade of reasonable facsimiles. The more you try, the more forced it comes across, and the more tiresome the pale-by-comparison result. It also doesn't help that the producers don't seem to have any understanding of why ABC went viral. It wasn't because Gordo "fixed" them, or even tried and failed to fix them. It's because they were a special kind of batshit, and asshole enough that we the viewers didn't have to feel bad about ourselves for pointing and laughing our asses off at the whole spectacle. We weren't rooting for Amy and Sami, we weren't even tempted to empathize. We were free to just cheer Ramsay on and be baffled right along with him about the special kind of crazy he and we were witnessing. They were cartoon villains, except that they were actually real, and it was fun seeing them reap what they'd sown. To drown in their own bile. Contrast that to this, where a couple had lost a young child, a woman was pretty clearly (IMHO) suffering from some sort of very real mental illness and was likely being manipulated by "friends" and largely ignored by family, and now a guy who apparently is just an asshole but not even an entertaining asshole, just humorless and dull, with no fucks to give about pretty much anything. That's not entertaining, it's just sad. And boring. There either has to be genuine redemption, or heaping helpings of schadenfreude. One or the other. But when you have neither, then what do you have? Not a whole hell of a lot here lately, One Potato Two Potato. The shift to worshiping at the altar of Ramsay as some kind of self-styled spiritual guru to sad sacks has sapped all the fun out of the show.

Isn't Ben "American" though, at least to some degree? At least in the sense that, if memory serves, he currently lives in Ft. Lauderdale Florida (or something like that) and maybe has for quite some time? I mean, I have no idea if he's a naturalized citizen of the US or whatever. But regardless, I think what he was really trying to say was just "I, like several other members of our crew, are used to the American terminology. Please conform to that as our de facto standard." Anyway, I think Ben was just trying to solve a problem that could potentially have been ongoing, but he did (as is his usual wont) blow it juuuuust a bit out of proportion, and could have been a bit less of an imperious dick about it. But of course, that's just what Ben does. Be a dick, wait a while, apologize sweetly. Also, Sarah's recap mentions the guests' light tip, despite any evidence of any major issues. And while it wouldn't surprise me at all if it were... wait for it... contrived (oh how I loathe that overused word) at my house we also noticed the light tip and reached a different conclusion. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Alan Sr. the same guy who was the primary on (at least two) episodes of Below Deck, the guy who Kate knew from previous (non-BD) charters and referred to as her "friend"? And didn't he leave a light tip on each of his previous (BD) charters as well? We think Alan Sr. is just cheap.

For crying out loud, Dion. Think you could lay off the damned fennel for half a damn second?

I think it was a whole lot of both, and I suspect that the reason she both couldn't understand it and couldn't believe it was mostly because it was coming from the dead-eyed Jahdahbot. I'd have been flummoxed too. After all, Little Big Head is basically the dictionary definition of overly polished, overly rehearsed, 3D printer generated based on committee notes and focus group polls Food Network Personality. And Giada spent the entirety of Martita's first stint badgering her into fitting that mold, praising her when she conformed and admonishing her when she didn't. And after all that, Martita finally got her Giadaness down to a science, the soulless marketing science it is, and suddenly Jahdah's all "Nope, fuck that." Dead-eyed Jahdahbot excoriating someone for being too polished is by far the most unintentionally meta-hilarious thing I have ever seen on Food Network. The fact that it was her own "spicy Latina" is just the cherry on top. And the fact that nobody, not Jahdah, not Martita, not anybody at Food Network actually gets the joke they themselves are making, is the... um... bacon gravy? Or something.

This show has been gloriously vulgar and nasty right from day one.

SPOILER ALERT: It's awesome.

This show is supposed to be cringe-inducing in a funny way. This show is supposed to be about Gordon Ramsay being a dick to jerks and crazies. Very Special Episodes are supposed to be about Ramsay being an extra special kind of dick to an extra special group of jerks and crazies, a la Amy's Baking Company over on Kitchen Nightmares. I don't need or want to see Ramsay trying to "fix" people who are obviously broken as a result of a very real family tragedy. I understand why Ramsay (and production) want to do it, but they shouldn't have, and in retrospect, I certainly could have done without witnessing it. Hell, I can understand why the owners would want to do it (or at least feel like it's a last-ditch effort to save their business, as I'm sure most of the owners on HH and KN do.) But in this case, both parties should have declined. The whole thing was unbearably uncomfortable to watch. These people weren't clueless arrogant idiots, they were beaten and broken, and it was just sad. I sure hope this one was just an ill-advised one-off, rather than an indication of some kind of retooling that's intended to be long term. Bring back the hilarious opening theme song and bring back the yuks for crying out loud!

I feel like I need to state once again for the record that I do in fact enjoy this show for the most part. Honest. I really do. Mostly. (Wait for it... wait for it...) BUT... I mean, for an episode that featured absolutely no construction paper, glitter, hot glue, or Pop Tart napoleons, this had to be the most annoying episode to date. And that's even despite not being completely useless, as an "Easy Breezy" episode was very likely to be. Nutella and almond milk popsicles? Without a hint of sarcasm... thanks, Katie. I'm gonna do that. Never would have occurred to me. Seriously. "That's a great tip!" I mean, sure, it's not exactly breaking any new ground, and it's about as basic and easy as Irish Cookbook Author Who Has Never Heard Of Claire Robinson Nor Classic French Cuisine's totally original 4-ingredient fish en papillote "parceled fish" but at least the 2-ingredient pudding pops are something I'd never considered before. But hey, no harm no foul. After all, the episode was titled "Easy Breezy." I knew what I was in for, so no harm no foul I guess. The real problem, for me, is that slowly but surely, for better or worse, it's getting more and more obvious that this is becoming THE SUNNY SHOW!!! What I mean by that is, in my opinion, she's kinda evolved into the de facto "host" of the show. She reads the overwhelming majority of the pre- and post- commercial stuff. She tends to "emcee" the kitchen gadget segments, the "here are three ways to..." segments, and she rarely cooks anything anymore. She just talks and tastes. And talks. And tastes. And talks and talks and talks. And tastes. And talks. And talks. Which is terrible. Because (think about it and tell me you don't see it) she has basically become Guy Fieri. She was wearing a freakin' snow globe pinky ring today, for crying out loud! The wigs, the comically huge hoop earrings, the oh-so-quirky wardrobe, the BLING!!!, THE YELLING!!!, the goofy faces, the goofy talk. the overwrought cackling laughter, the constant (work in progress) effort to get catch phrases to stick, the incessant "mmm hmmm, uh huh, you know it" interludes, the talking-with-her-mouth-full... every single thing about her these days is deliberately crafted for maximum LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!! Somewhere along the line Sunny got herself a super deluxe full-blown makeover at some salon in Flavortown™ and now she's SUNNY!!! And, much like Guy, SUNNY!!! sucks. And it's obvious (to me, anyway) that Flavortown SUNNY!!! is not lost on the other folks on The Kitchen. I forget exactly when but at some point during today's episode it was literally figuratively written all over their faces, right there on camera, all at once. All four of them were all but sighing and rolling their eyes and slowly shaking their heads while SUNNY!!! continued to talk, and taste, and talk, and talk, and taste, and taste, and taste. And talk. It might have been right around the time Sunny was double-fisting Katie's pudding pop in the right hand, and Marcella's cinnamon pastry in the left, and then held them both in one hand so she could use the other to taste Mauro's granita. While talking. Flavortown SUNNY!!!, ladies and gentlemen! I know Mauro can be a little much sometimes. A little too loud, a little too silly, a little too fratboy. You'd think he'd be the heir apparent to Guy. And I know Katie can be a little too precious from time to time, and her voice is nasally. And Marcella has the Jahdah-esque "overpronunciation of Mexican words" thing going on, which grates on some folks. (Though that doesn't bother me at all in her case, if only because Marcella does it with good humor. Unlike Jahdah, she's not pretentious about it. We're all "in on the joke." To me, that makes all the difference. There's nothing phony or pretentious about Marcella. While Little Big Head really REALLY wants you to believe she's "authentic" Marcella just IS authentic. And when she "overpronounces" she does it with a wink and a grin, as opposed to Giada's smirk and turned-up-nose. YMMV.) Anyway, I get all that. (Notice I've listed no popular objection to GZ, because I'm pretty sure we're all in agreement that he's pretty much perfect. Heh.) Anyway, TL;DR and whatnot... to summarize, while all the others (except GZ) have their weaknesses/faults/etc., and the cooking isn't all that challenging, and all the goddamn crafts, to me the main thing bringing this show down is Flavortown SUNNY. Which is a shame, because I used to really like Regular Sunny.

This sounds like a job for Green Man!

Mmmmmmmmm.... chocolate science.

I'll give this much to both Penny and Dom: I'm absolutely convinced that both of them are 100% self-aware about why they're there and the roles they're playing. Penny is the villain. Simple as that. She has no chance, and she knows it. She's there to make everybody dance in the streets when she finally gets eliminated. And she loves it, at this point she's made it her full-blown "tv persona." It's what gets her back on television time and time again. She's damn good at it, and it's probably in no small part due to the fact that she knows that's what she's there for and doesn't have any qualms about "doing that character." Same with Dom. He's the sad-sack "this guy is just never gonna get it" character who, for whatever reason, (some) people just can't help but root for and continue to believe someday will put it all together despite all indications to the contrary. Whether it's because he's "cute" or that he "seems sweet" or just because you wanna hug him every time he inevitably trips over his own feet. He knows it, he revels in it, and he's more than happy to do that character. In both cases, I think they both know that they're gonna get chance after chance, maximizing their screen time, if only because tee vee rules dictate that the inevitable ultimate fall requires lots of buildup. Their willingness and ability to play those specific roles are what keeps them on FN's casting list for short-term work. And in real life? "Meh, it's just tee vee. that's not really me." Matthew, on the other hand, I believe is genuinely 100% oblivious. Matthew has clearly missed his true calling (for now, anyway, this could change any day now) as the wannabe actor who's been trying to get "discovered" for the last half-decade while working as a smug, sarcastic waiter at a trendy upscale restaurant. The guy who just can't figure out why nothing ever comes of his auditions, and/or why he's not AT THE VERY LEAST the Executive Chef in the very same kitchen he's currently running plates from. Meantime, surely any day now someone will finally appreciate how cute, quirky, hip, and adorably snarky he is. A couple weeks ago the ladies at our table decided they wanted to get a bunch of apps and share them among themselves as their "entrees" and so they asked the waiter for recommendations on how best go go about that. Dude replies: "Well, I'd recommend that if you want entrees, you should probably order entrees." With a self-satisfied smirk that just screamed "Aren't I just the cutest, cleverest thing you've ever seen?" Later, and I shit you not, he left business cards at the table with his social media identities and a "Please review me on Yelp!" link at the bottom. Not the establishment, but himself. He wanted us to review HIM on Yelp. He has no idea how much self-control it required for me not to. That guy? Matthew is That Guy.

"The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don't work." CeCe is getting really close to passing Winston for the title of "Best Thing About This Here Show"

No argument there, that's for sure!

Perhaps I'm forgetting some previous clues as to Chuck's relationship with his parents which might undermine what I'm about to say here, if so please feel free to set me straight... While I definitely see where you're coming from, I could also see Chuck never missing an opportunity to make his parents keenly aware of just how much a burden they were on him. Constantly talking about his being the first in the family to go to college (and on a full ride, no less, "without ANY HELP FROM YOU!") and how he FINALLY got out of Cicero and was gonna "finally make something of the McGill name" and other such assholery. I could see him constantly berating his father for losing the money (and eventually the store) and constantly guilting his mom for his own perceived "you love Jimmy more!" issues. I could see Chuck leaving them behind for the most part, once he "escaped" his miserable life and became a high falutin' big time success, and having only minimal contact out of obligation (and making no effort whatsoever to disguise that.) Their mom called Chuck to get Jimmy out of the Chicago Sunroof predicament, right? Wouldn't surprise me if it had been the first contact Chuck and his mom had in quite some time, and she only called him because he was the only option. And Chuck's response was something along the lines of "*sigh* OF COURSE your precious little boy is in trouble again, and of course you call me to pull your ass out of the fire AGAIN. You do realize it's YOUR fault he's this way. (etc. etc. etc.)" I could be wrong, but I definitely think those kinds of things fit with the characterization of Chuck that the show has given us so far. And I think it would more deeply explain Mom's last words. Anyway, while I respect the opinions of others who aren't quite as fond of this here show as I am, I guess I don't really understand the "rinse and repeat" complaints, or the view that the show is running in place or in circles or whatever. Especially coming from people who enjoyed BB. Because I think BCS is pretty much a carbon copy of the slow burn storytelling people so loved and admired on BB. There were any number of BB episodes that were talky to the extreme, and where very little actually happened/progressed. I mean... "The Fly" anyone? Hell, I would assert that Jesse's whole series-long storyline was a case of rinse and repeat. Walt/Jesse, Walt/Skyler, the ever-increasing badness of the neverending parade of big bads... all that stuff was -- at its core -- just a seasons-long tug of war. Back and forth, back and forth. Yet it was riveting like few other shows before or since. But I do remember that in the early days (let's just say for purposes of this particular discussion... oh, around the end of season two) lots of folks weren't so sure the whole thing wasn't destined to end up being a big ol' ball of crap. Well, we see how that turned out. But I know that many of my friends got frustrated enough with BB to have tuned out, only to tune back in for the final season and say things like "Holy mother of crap was that a bad call. I can't believe I've been missing out on THIS all this time." Anyway, I would assert that the particular Gilliganesque™ method of storytelling is the one thing BCS shares most with BB, moreso than even the characters of Jimmy/Saul, Mike, the Salamancas, etc. And in my personal opinion, BCS has been every bit as riveting as BB ever was. A whole different show, no doubt. Different, but... the same. Does that even make sense? Not just because they're "in the same world" and share characters and setting, but because they share such similar tone, similar pathos, similar "feel." With both shows, I often feel(/felt) like I -- myself, as a viewer -- am standing in quicksand. Or struggling to trudge through knee-deep mud. Something like that. It's just that I consider that a good thing, not at all an annoyance. I think it's 100% intentional, it's what we're supposed to feel, it's supposed to be frustrating, because we are in fact trudging through the mud of these characters' lives and struggling to get anywhere, just like they are. I think it's brilliant, and I love that Gilligan is so skilled at being able to put us there, and that he has the balls to dare to make his viewers feel that way. Because I can't imagine it's "good for business" to go that route. But it's why his shows are so goddamned compelling and unique. (In my opinion, anyway.)

The only thing I'm certain of is that BCS is hands-down the best show on television, and I have zero doubt that whatever they have in store for us tonight is going to be absolutely glorious. And then it's gonna be the worst time of the year... the longest possible time until more Saul. Dammit. I'm already mourning its absence.

As God is my witness, you will pay for that. YOU WILL PAY!!! ;)

Don't know the story behind it, but almost 100% certain it was Alton Brown.

Mesa Verde

Daaaaaaaamn, Keri. Good lord. Say, Matthew... how's life workin' out for ya there? Livin' the dream, are ya? I was hoping it was gonna be Ice Ice Baby. Anachronistic for sure, but would have totally been worth it for the lulz.

Arden Myrin always strikes me as the natural heir apparent to Megan Mullally. Gonna have to cast another ballot for the one the other night with Logan Paul and the incredibly weird looking guy as quite possibly the most anti-funny episode of this show yet. Even Hardwick looked to be visibly in pain at times. You could damn near hear the cricket sounds and see the tumbleweeds. Absolutely brutal.