Uncle Benzene

Livin' that #YogurtLife Oh, Terry. Bless your heart.

All I know is that this is definitely the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Wait, WHAT?!? No Lenny? NO LENNY?!? Must be because he's ineligible, having already won the whole damn thing once before. It's the only plausible explanation for his stunning absence from this here competition. DAMN YOU AND YOUR CONTRACTUAL FINE PRINT, FOOD NETWORK!!! Mark my words, they will rue this day when none of the season 12 contestants are willing to duct tape candy bars to their bare chests.

--Julia Louis-Dreyfus as my date. (I'm sure Brad would be cool with it.) --Norm Macdonald because he's the funniest person on earth. --Dana Carvey, just because I could use some help in the kitchen chopping the broccoli. --Bill Murray for later in the evening when we're ready to get crazy and start fucking some shit up. --Does Larry David count? Because... uh... yeah. My party, he counts. --Tina Fey, just in case the Julia thing doesn't work out.

I too was wondering "Why in the world would Elizabeth have dreams of moving to Odessa, Texas?!?" I mean, of all places. Heh. Anyway, what am I missing here? Because if they wanted to "work" Pastor Groovyhair, wouldn't the obvious cover story be "We're double-agents"? "Look, we had to tell Paige something. And we were pretty sure she was gonna immediately spill the beans to someone, and we were pretty sure it was probably gonna be you. At least this way, we keep our cover. For the greater good. And we knew you'd come to us, and that we could then tell you the real truth, and you'd be able to handle it. Because you're awesome, Pastor Groovyhair. We know we can trust you. USA! USA! USA! Thing is, surely you understand that there's no way to confirm this. The Feds will just deny our very existence, because that's the way it works, and you'd also be putting yourself, your wife, Paige, and pretty much the whole freakin' nation in danger by pursuing any kind of confirmation. You don't want to give either side any kind of reason to consider you a 'loose end' to be 'taken care of', capisce?" I mean, isn't that the easiest solution (for as long as Groovyhair must continue to breathe, that is)? The one that pretty much explains everything, while shutting down any motivation to investigate further, and providing great motivation to keep his damn mouth shut? The one that hits all the notes, is perfectly plausible, and virtually eliminates any moral/ethical quandary on Groovyhair's part? The one that further tangles the web least? And on and on and on like that? It seems like such an easy out. And such an obvious one. Why in the world wouldn't P&E have gone that route? What am I missing?

Clearly this is the Easter episode, right? But now that Denise is dead, Alexandria no longer has an ER. Hence, East. Can't be a coincidence that Jesus has been gone for two episodes, right? And on the third day... guess who's back? Hopefully Daryl and Aaron will spend the whole episode tracking a bunny.

Is it wrong that I hope Liv saying "badass" becomes a regular EHG feature? I'm thinking like somebody just presses the button whenever Mike Ehrmantraut is mentioned, or Michonne. You know, that kind of thing. Also, whenever someone unleashes a particularly long and/or glorious string of profanity, "home talk!"

Heads up, yachties. There's a 30-minute Below Deck Mediterranean season preview show airing tonight, March 23, at 10:00 Eastern. Woohoo! Looks like it's also going to be re-airing several times over the next few days as well, if you miss it.

I hope you're right, and I think it would be absolutely fascinating if that part of the timeline was pretty much exclusively about what Saul was up to whenever he wasn't dealing with Walt and Jesse. I wouldn't be opposed to Walt and/or Jesse showing up once, or every now and then, or whatever. But I also wouldn't mind if they never showed up at all. I mean, it's not like they were Saul's only clients and he was dealing with them every waking hour. I'd love it if BCS showed us what Saul was up to during those days outside of all the Walt/Jesse stuff (largely because, well, we've already seen that stuff.) "Just hang tight, Mike. I'll call you back in a couple hours, but right now I've gotta go show some arrogant bastard and his punk sidekick the laser tag place. Don't ask." I think it would also be pretty great if they showed us that, while the Walt/Jesse stuff might have been the last straw, Saul was gonna end up at the Omaha Cinnabon regardless. That getting involved with Walt and Jesse was just the tip of the iceberg.

Curtis deserved to be eliminated if for no other reason than he basically blew off the challenge. I mean, "The ingredient is pretzels, so let's give 'em... a pretzel! We'll cut 'em in half and sprinkle some cheese on 'em. Maybe doctor up some mustard. Yeah, that'll blow their minds." He basically forfeited with such an uninspired dish which required about as much creativity and elbow grease as a kid throwing together an after school snack.

Little Ass Kicker's learning how to shoot from Coral. While Carol has her captors looking at something floral. You're probably asking "Does this story have a moral?" Yes, with Camp Dinner Bell you had best avoid a quarrel.

Heh. You're familiar with Tuco Salamanca, right? ;)

See, while I totally see where you're coming from there, I had a totally different interpretation of what was going through Jimmy's mind there. I thought it was precisely Jimmy's confidence that prompted him to make that move. He "knew" it was gonna work. He had already floated the idea to Cliff, and Cliff seemed receptive. Cliff mentioned that D&M had already run an ad before, and Jimmy had gone to the trouble of watching that previous ad. What Jimmy produced wasn't all that different. Now, should Jimmy have waited for an official green light from Cliff and his other bosses? Of course, absolutely. But I think what Jimmy was thinking was "OF COURSE they're gonna approve this, hell, they're gonna love it." I don't really think he had much reason to think they wouldn't. But in the meantime, what he did know was that Cliff was out of town (for what, a week?) and he had also learned that the previous ad had gotten "stuck in committee" for who knows how long while they debated the perfect swooshy background. Ain't nobody got time for that. And being "Charlie Hustle" has always worked pretty well for Jimmy. So I think it was precisely an overabundance of that confidence that got him to go ahead with it. He knew he SHOULD wait for approval, which is why he was lamenting over the tape sitting on his desk. But at the end of the day, he concluded "They'd approve it anyway, if not outright love it, and that'll be especially true once it works and I show them the results. Meantime, it's my department, Cliff said so in front of everybody, and there's nothing wrong with the ad I'm going to air. I floated the idea specifically to Cliff, and he reacted positively. I'm not overstepping bounds here, I'm taking initiative. Because I'm Charlie Hustle. It'll work out, and no harm done. Quite the contrary, actually." I think that's why Jimmy was expecting kudos when he answered Cliff's call. He seemed genuinely shocked when Cliff's reaction wasn't overwhelmingly positive. Only then did he realize that he had colored just a little too far outside the corporate lines by not waiting for the official green light. And eventually I think that's going to be the partners' conclusion. They do need to make it perfectly clear to Jimmy that he did, in fact, overstep his bounds. They need to show him his place and make him understand that it was NOT cool to do that without prior approval. They'll put the fear of god into him over it, but cooler heads will prevail and they'll let him slide. I suspect he'll probably even end up getting a pat on the back from Cliff when it's all said and done. "As long as it doesn't happen again. *wink*" I suspect Jimmy's "Golden Boy" days aren't over just yet.

Hissy-fit or not, Andrew was right though (in my opinion, of course.) Both that fig thing and the thing with the marshmallow fluff were flat out abominations. Both looked like something a toddler would make by gluing macaroni and glitter to construction paper. I was every bit as flummoxed as Andrew was. And it's not like Duff didn't know any better, he knew damn well that both of those plates were dumpster fires. It was as if he made a deliberate decision to pick the two crappiest plates for the wins. I get that Andrew probably came off a little petulant, but personally I can't blame him. He was telling the truth. Duff's judging decisions were ridiculous.

I just wanted to drop in to note that I saw an ad for Below Deck Med during the latest episode of Top Chef. Woohoo!!! It only said "Coming Soon" but it got me to thinking (and Googling.) Still nothing official from Bravo about a premiere date, but I've got a hunch that it's probably gonna premiere once Top Chef wraps up, which is probably pretty soon being as there are only 5 chefs left. I've got nothing to back this up, but here's how I think it might go.... Top Chef s13.e13 (5 chefs to 4) March 3 s13.e14 (4 to 3) Mar 10 s13.e15 (3 to 2 to 3, or 3 to 4 to 3, with LCK winner returning) Mar 17 s13.e16 (3 to 2, or 3 to winner) Mar 24 s13.e17 (2 to winner, or reunion) Mar 31 s13.e18 (reunion, if not Mar 31) Apr 7 So my best guess, now that they're running ads, is that Below Deck Med will probably premiere on either April 7 or April 14. High five! Edited to add: Or, if it stays on Tuesday, as I suppose it probably will, then April 5 or 12.

Man, why oh why does this show feel so compelled to shoehorn Kim and Khloe into EVERY LAST FUCKING... oh, wait... so THAT'S why this here episode thread has about half the posts they usually do the next day. Thank goodness there was a Real Housewife in this one. Or something. Right there with ya. This whole series so far has had me feeling like a jerk because I'm not usually so out of sync with the prevailing wisdom. Anyway, I thought the Fred Goldman scene was EASILY the cheesiest, most eyeroll-inducing thing this show has done yet. And that's saying an awful lot, considering the bar they've set. It wasn't his words, which were points that needed to be made. It was just that the delivery was so over the top. For me, the scenery chewing was worse than anything Cuba or Travolta has done on this show, and possibly even worse than anything Nathan Lane has ever done in anything. I mean, for crying out loud, this show actually had me muttering "oh shut the fuck up already" at freakin' Fred Goldman. Sheesh! What planet am I on? Still enjoying the hell out of this show though, despite... well... you know... lots of shit. Lots and lots of shit. Oh, and I'd also like to go ahead and nominate "The Resnick Retching Realm" as the title for the inevitably necessary Faye thread.

"How about some cucumber water and maybe an impromptu pedicure? That work for ya?" In other news, if anybody has any more specific details about that piece of music Chuck was attempting to play on the piano, I'd appreciate it. I must find it on iTunes (or something.) It was beautiful. Edited to add: Yaas! Found it! It's Sicilienne, Op. 78

This is the third episode he's been absent. At the beginning of the first episode he was out, three weeks ago, they mentioned that he was opening a new business. Maybe a winery or something? And he was attending the opening. Now this is just a guess on my part, but I've got a hunch that they taped all three (and counting) of these most recent episodes over a single weekend or so, which would explain GZ being absent for "so long." For me, the "giveaway" is that Sunny has had the same hair for the last three episodes too.

Carrot Top

(With a wink and a smile, of course...) Indeed! Hey, I'm as big a fan as the next guy of using words just because I can, but... Oof. (Heh. Just giving Sarah a bit of shit here, because it's fun, and the opportunity presented itself.)

Ha! Joseph "Rev Run" Simmons looked like he was hoping Mauro would just drop dead right there on the spot while he was rapping. I wonder if Run was also thinking Mauro's... um... "urban accent" (or whatever) while rapping might have been juuuuuust a bit racist. Oof. Brutal.

Rick gets a perm and grows a bitchin' stache. Jessie suspects that he's been boning someone else. He denies it, but she's not buying his story. So she takes him to a creepy old castle, where a gibberish-talking woman who looks suspiciously like Grace Slick leads him upstairs. There's a confessional there for some reason, where Father Guido Sarducci is smoking cigarettes and eating a burger. Rick confesses, and all hell breaks loose. Jessie dumps him and leaves with Donny Baldwin. And can ya blame her? I mean...

They do say "pussy" on @midnight (and on CC) all the time. I agree though that it's almost completely arbitrary. I seem to recall Hardwick trying to give a cursory explanation at some point. Something to the effect of... actions are deemed worse than things, for whatever reason... so you can't use "naughty" verbs as often as you can use "naughty" nouns. Which contradicts the example of bleeping "pussy" and allowing "jizz" (in this particular case, where "jizz" is used as a verb, if memory serves) but I think the bottom line is that it is in fact completely arbitrary, and applied on a case-by-case basis. I don't think any word is completely verboten (as far as I know, anyway) but it all depends on the show, the time slot, the day of the week, the advertisers, etc. etc. etc. It's all negotiated down to "you get 3 jizzes, 2 cocks, 1 pussy, zero fucks, and as many assholes as you want." And that could all change at any time, for any reason.

Indeed. Indeed. My problem with this here episode? It just made it perfectly clear before it even happens that Megan Fox is/was/will-be completely unnecessary. Because Hannah Simone is more than capable of being the female lead in this here sitcom, or one of her own. Hell, for that matter, I'm not even sure at this point if I'll even care when Zooey comes back. And I love Zooey! Oddly enough, I wasn't even much of a Hannah/Cece fan at the beginning. But five seasons later? Yeah. Give me a Hannah and Lamorne show and I'm good. (Max is 100% welcome, of course, but not 100% necessary.) Doesn't even matter what it's about. Make it about Furguson, I don't care. Damn. Has a show ever "jumped the shark" before by unwittingly demonstrating that the temporarily absent lead(s) is(/are) holding the show back from being something better than it ever has been and/or will be with them? Seems ass-backwards to me, but here we are.

You know, I had never thought about that before, but now that you mention it, it wouldn't surprise me for Sunny to shout "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLL!" for no particular reason. Followed of course by "GOAL!!! GOAL!!! GOAL!!! GOAL!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLL!!!" just in case we didn't hear her the first time. Psssst... Sunny... we heard you the first time. Seriously. A lot. Like, we REALLY heard you. It boggles the mind how much I used to love Sunny on Cooking For Real. These days, pretty much everything she does is like nails on a chalkboard for me. The overwrought cackling laughter, the cutesy voice whenever she talks about a dish being "sooo preeeeetty", the repeating it several times in a row any time she says something she thinks is funny, the constant self-referencing to somewhere she claims as one of her 47 home towns, or something she's done, or someone she knows, etc. etc. etc. It didn't surprise me in the least to know that she used to be a wacky morning drive FM dee jay. Because OF COURSE she was. It's all so clear now. I also can't stand this stuff, which happens several times every week... GZ: So I'm bringing this water to a boil... Katie: Mmmmmm.... Jeff: Oooooh.... Sunny: IRON CHEF, Y'ALL! GZ: And now I'm gonna sweat these onions... Marcella: That's a great tip, GZ! Jeff: In Chicago, we call that shamadiggadoodly! (makes goofy face directly at the camera) Sunny: BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HE SAID SHAMADIGGADOODLY, Y'ALL! SHAMADIGGADOODLY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Katie: Seriously though, GZ, sweating the onions? Who knew? That looks amazing. Sunny: I KNOW, RIGHT?!? Jeff: Mmmmm.... GZ: And now a little garlic... Marcella: Ooooooh... Katie: Mmm hmmm... Jeff: Brilliant... Sunny: THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD, Y'ALL! Jeff: So good. Sunny: RIGHT?!? Marcella: Mmmmm. Katie: Oh, Gee Zee... (etc.) I mean, for fuck's sake...