CletusMusashi

Maggie is living with the mer-people.

If Cornlius and Zira come out of that thing, I will never complain about this show again. Or until maybe five minutes go by. Whichever comes first.

Y'all do realize Chris Hardwick is gonna be passing out shitting pants tonight, don't you?

Oh, for fuck's sake. They have to be trolling us with the shitting pants shit.

So is Negan like the city hall gardener now or something? Sure, let's give the mass murdering dictator a bunch of pitchforks and stuff. What could possibly go wrong?

Yeah. Dumpster-slut heaven.

Dude, pirate Romans versus space zombies? I am so in for this!

And treasure! Now that Carol be gone, mind ye, Captain Ezekiel be in sore need of booty.

That was a surprisingly good action scene. The group is finally using tactics that make some sense.

Wow, that zombie's got some major wood. Please tell me Zeke is a pirate now.

Judith is the star now? Sure, fuck it. Why not?

CletusMusashi reporting for duty. Heh heh. "Doody."

OK, so here's something that just recently started bugging me. Negan calls his bat Lucille, just like BB King's guitar. OK, that in and of itself would be fine. Kirkman apparently likes BB King and wanted to have one of his characters do an homage? No problem. But why then the nonsense of "Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with King at all; Lucille was the name of Negan's wife?" Is Kirkman seriously trying to claim that he independently chose the name Lucille? And he thinks we're stupid enough to believe it? Or is the point supposed to be that Negan is lying? I have absolutely no idea, and it's annoying the hell out of me.

His name contains a lot of cool-looking letter combinations. I think that's it.

I don't mind it being animated, but the fact that it doesn't look funny is blasphemous.

Every trailer they've come up with looks about the same. Apparently some of the most exciting moments of the movie are: he sits around looking angsty, he makes faces at a kid on a bus, he gets beaten up in a scene that looks more like part of a montage than like an actual scene, he plays a guy standing in front of a microphone by acting like Joaquin Phoenix playing a guy standing in front of a microphone, he does a little dance and kicks one leg into the air, and he sort of spreads his arms out and walks around in some sort of halfassed drunken crucifixion metaphor. I think I'd better quit this movie while I'm ahead. I don't know if I can handle any more of this excitement level. In fact, I think I'd better go have a lie down right down.

And the vamps and wolves would be limited to non-iron-based weapons. Because, otherwise, witches could disarm them with all those semen-magnets.

I don't have a good enough ear for accents to know how authentic Frenchy really sounds, but, until I got used to him, he not only sounded like he as speaking in a natural fashion, but he was also exactly as hard to understand as real life immigrants with non-Hollywood accents usually do until I get used to their cadence, so for me it actually helped with suspension of disbelief.

Holy crap that was a lot of Christmas. I mean, yeah, going in to it I knew from the title that it was gonna be a Christmas ep, but that was just painful.

I hate moments of silence. Thank god for balloons.

I was hesitant to watch this, because even though the last two seasons have been pretty weak I still wasn't quite ready for the show to be over. Now, having seen it... I'm ready for it to be over. I mean, it wasn't as bad an ending as "Thrones" or "Buffy," but it wasn't nearly as strong as it should have been. Two years from now, the only thing about Season Five that I'll probably even remember is the episode with the dance montage.

Just now on the second viewing realizing that they snuck in a parody of Edna from "The Incredibles."

Okay, just to be contrary I'll choose Bran. I'll even pretend that he was chosen because he had the most interesting story, rather than because the Northern secessionists still felt entitled to decide who should be in charge of the south. So who else has an interesting story? Going into this as a non-reader, I'm gonna say... Hand of the King would be Davos. Making Jaime the "Hand" would be even more interesting, but I'm not bringing anybody back from the dead, so Davos is my remaining choice. Technically, he'd be the "Hand and a Half" of the king. Lord Commander of the Kingsguard: Shagga, Son of Dolf. He's shown a knack for protecting little wimpy half- men from the dangers of King's Landing, and it's hard to have a more interesting story than somebody who does everything while wearing that ridiculous Water Buffalo Lodge hat. Master of Law: Lord Robin of Nippletown. His whole "Plummet them to their death unless they're interesting" policy should assure that as many citizens as possible have interesting stories. Which is important, apparently. Master of Coin: Yara Greyjoy. Simply because I hated Balon and I like the idea of his heir making sure as many people as possible are paying the gold price for everything. Master of Whispers: Random Bird Cage Head Woman from Qarth. She seems to know what's up. And the random avian motif fits right in with Bran and Robin. Master of Ships: Salladhor Saan. Because the poor guy needs something to finally do. What was his story, anyway? Did he make a wrong turn at Albuquerquos? Grand Maester: Gendry Baratheon. Anyone who can figure out how to make glass into steel is an alchemist to be reckoned with. Plus, if you keep him around then Arya is more likely to swing by for an occasional booty call and save the world if necessary.

I think Theon is one of the few characters who got a good ending to their story arc. I'd hate to be one of the extra Iron Island red shirts, though. "Lord Bran, I am so sorry for how I have treated you that my men and I are going to stand next to you and get murdered by the Night King as a very, very temporary distraction, in case like Arya or somebody has turned into a super ninja." "Um, boss? Could you maybe have asked us about this first?"

The PR folk really need to come up with better catch-phrases than "That was lit."