CletusMusashi

This really did have the fun of an old-time "brain of the week" ep. And the dance montage was so funny that I immediately rewound and watched it a a second time before continuing with the rest of the story. I think my favorite part, though, was Clive showing up like a proud parent to film Ravi's dance performance. Liv needs to make sure a copy of that video goes to Major. Poor guy needs a laugh. I do kind of dread the show getting clogged up with Liv taking care of kids. But if we never see them after this, then that plot hole will be just as annoying.

Honestly, the only person I can seriously see looking at Bran and saying "Yeah, I think he'd be a great king," is Lord Nippleboy of Crazyfort. We've seen that he loves stories. Tyrion actually used that technique to stall when he was on trial before him. And he's a scrawny off-putting little weirdo, so he might think "Wow, that guy's a born leader just like me." And finally, most importantly of all, he's obsessed with birds and flying. So telling him you're actually a raven is probably the best campaign speech you can make.

Actually, this discussion of geographic variation of human phenotypes makes realize something. Originally, I interpreted Westeros as Europe and Essos as Asia, but I no longer believe that to be true. Essos is closer to the entire Eurasian continent. Westeros is America, a vast land to the west where the original inhabitants were displaced by immigrants from the lighter-skinned populations of Essos. Now, there's no reason to assume there isn't yet another continent to the west of Westeros, but it's also possible that what's west of Westeros isn't Arya discovering a new world, but rather Arya reaching eastern Essos and proving that the world is round. You know, assuming she knows anything about sailing. Which she doesn't. I really hope they gave her a good crew.

Well, to be fair, he'd probably have been recast again by now anyway. So if it makes you feel any better, just assume that Daario is now played by... oh, I don't know. Let's say Tracy Morgan.

I don't think Missendai was reduced to an angry black woman. I think she was angry for a damned good reason. I don't have a problem with her "Dracarys" advice, either. How was she supposed to know that Dany was going to go completely whackadoodles. I mean, in the past, "Dracarys" usually just meant "Kill that guy," or "Kill those guys." it never used to mean "Circle around and massacre all the random peasants you possibly can." That's on Danaerys 2.0, not Missendai. I'm okay with Grey Worm losing his temper as well. That's a actually a sign of his growth as a human character, something that he wouldn't have been able to do without Dany and Missendai. The other Unsullied, granted, don't get much character development onscreen, but do we really need thousands more characters? I assume they've all got their own personal stuff going on too. The Dothraki have been treated poorly in recent seasons. The women are separated from the men and presumably absorbed into Daario's "civilized" society. The men are drafted and used as front-line cannon fodder, with Ser Friendzone as the only character in their ranks permitted a name and personality. Hell, most of them don't even get bows and arrows. And the message seems to be that it's okay to just use them as expendable dumb muscle because they're a bunch of brutes who love fighting. Even if it appears to be true, it still sounds awfully bad. However, are the whitey barbarians of Westeros treated any better by the show? Name one living wildling besides Tormund the big jolly comedy relief drunk. How are the Hill People doing? Seen Shagga, son of Dolf lately? Of course not. I think they certainly had to include people of color. It makes the world feel both bigger and more realistic to have different ethnic groups spread throughout distant lands. Although I can't for the life of me figure out what the significance of Salladhor Saan appearing for two scenes in the early seasons was. The ending of the Unsullied story is actually growing on me a little bit. The Lords actually tried to do right by them and give them a castle and some land. Maybe they could have haggled for more if they wanted to, but they didn't. The Unsullied were like "Yeah, um, we're not looking to stay here and live your way. We've got our own future to go do." They know nothing about farming or mining or any of that, and they would never fit in with their neighbors. Not only because of appearance or job training, but because of things like language and religion and life experience. They could just stay professional soldiers and rule over the locals who did all the actual work, but that's not their idea of breaking the wheel. It's not even like they have to settle down somewhere to raise their kids, because they won't have any. So while I certainly do see how that particular plot resolution can appear to have some racist implications, I'm actually gonna vote "no" on the question. Ever see a cloud that looked like a hippo? I have. Sometimes things just end up looking like other things. However, that said, the writing was crude enough that I had to think about this for quite a while to decide which side my opinion fell on. So I guess the moral is that when you're writing fiction, and have almost complete control over what something looks like, it's probably not a great idea to accidentally let your cloud look too much like a hippo.

Cersei must be so pissed off. Not because Dany killed her. She kind of saw that one coming. But Cersei spent all those years trying to sculpt herself into the perfect Disney villainess, and then gets so upstaged at it that she just fades into the background like more rubble. It's not that I don't see the Nazi metaphors at Dany's victory gathering. Stevie Wonder can see those Nazi metaphors! It's that, even more than that, I saw the White Witch of Narnia, enhanced with a bit of Maleficent. Poor Cersei never had a chance to out-style someone with dragon wings flapping perfectly behind their back, did she? I liked Cersei as a villain. More so than Danaerys, actually, because Cersei had that smirking little mean streak that made randomish but vindictive acts of cruelty believable for her character. Cersei using wildfire to blow up the populace rather than let Dany rule them? I would have bought that in a heartbeat. She deserved a better death. Preferably by falling, as is traditional in her chosen villainy genre, rather than just having other things fall on her. Ideally she could have hung on for a while, begging Jaime to save her. Finally, with one last "Thing things I do for love..." he could reach down and offer her a hand up... forgetting how easily his hand comes off. Oops.

I assume it was Laszlo. He's the one that really cares what people think of him. Nadja used to be sensitive about such things, hence her residual sympathy for the unpopular Jenna, but nowadays she's pretty much over that and just does whatever the hell she wants. ETA: Wait- there were two bats? I'd missed that. Had to be them, then. Nandor wasn't involved enough to feel responsible. Both the party and the failure of it are on L/N. ETA: Did anyone else think that Gizmo's friend was going to get turned into a vampire? Nice curveball on that one.

So if Sansa is Queen of the North, what is Jon going to end up being called? King of the Actual North?

Not to mention, Mace Tyrell was the whitest character in Westeros.

The more I think about it, the harder it is to believe that anybody is following Bran. He's some random northern kid sitting in a ruined castle in a ruined city. The army of that city has been destroyed. The people who were fighting on the side he was on are pretty much all gone. Yet, other kingdoms are respecting his authority and rebuilding everything for him. You'd think he'd be bombarded with secession announcements, not to mention direct challengers for whatever passes for a throne nowadays.

The orgy ep was not nearly as strong as the past few. But it's still a quick easy to watch show with a bunch of chuckles in it. Laszlo's terrible porn, (especially the Seinfeldian one,) the shame bats, Colin's BDSM gear, the glimpse at some other silly types of vampires, fucking Mike... All in all, it wasn't a bad way to spend half an hour. But they can't all be one of the best episodes.

I'm pretty sure Nipple Boy inherited the "Whores R Us" chain after LF died.

I want to know who repaired that castle. Obviously smart, skilled people from all over the place are coming in to help. Which makes it particular sad that they still can't fill the small council. Since apparently the primary requirement for that job is to be friends with one of the Starks, or at least friends with one of their friends. Sansa has way too much political power. It's like if the Republic of Texas was allowed to choose the leaders of Mexico. And Tyrion puts Bronn in charge of the treasury? Really? There's not a single normal, competent bean-counter anywhere in the six kingdoms? What, did they give them all to Sansa to figure out how to pay for her wardrobe?

With Apologies to Will Smith: Now this is the story all about how My life got imp-slapped upside down And I'd like to take a minute so just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the hand of that weird kid in the chair In Westeros Casterly born and raised In the brothel that was where I spent most of my days Whoring and thinking and drinking up fuel And always playing the jester rather than the fool When a couple of twins who were up to no good Started making Joffries in my neighbourhood I beat up one little cunt and his mom got mad She said: "I'm ruining your life almost as much as our dad!" I got framed for regicide and I ran off to safety Then I popped out of a bag and said "Hi, Dragon Lady!" It honestly seemed like she would make a good queen But the writers said "Nah, let's make her random and mean!" She got shanked at the end of the very last season And the lords voted Bran king for no fucking reason Bird-Boy stares into space and makes me run the whole land So who's the hand of the king, and who's the bird in the hand?

Of the three main actors, she seems to just naturally be the funniest one there as well.

It's called Americos. And the reason that Bran made Tyrion his hand was to keep him from tagging along with her. Because dwarfs carry small pox.

Milk. It does a body good.

If the north is seceding, why do they get a vote for who's in charge of the Six Kingdoms? And, because I will never stop being pissed off every time they say stupid crap like this: if the north was an independent kingdom for thousands of years, why couldn't they think of a name? Sam needs to send some maesters up north to check for lead in their water.

I actually did like Arya deciding to be a hero to the living instead of just avenging the dead. It is one of the very few good things I can say about the episode. I also appreciated her last moments with Sandor. Can we just forget about Jon and Dany and Sansa and go straight to the pilot episode for a wandering Arya spinoff?

Season 6 Buffy climaxed with a story arc very similar to what we saw last week. The difference is that it was told way, way better. The Danaerys version was so crudely written that I'm half expecting tonight to start with something like this: And you know what? Maybe then she can have the stupid throne, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, who am I even supposed to root for? Jon is a dumber, less streetwise version of Ned. Tyrion is so naive that as soon as his ass touched the throne Bronn would walk in with a crossbow and steal everything. For Arya to settle down into an administrative gig would go against every grain of character they've built into her. I'd be okay with Sam and Gilly, but it won't happen. Same with like Brienne or Podrick or Grey Worm. Sansa is a paranoid isolationist- hardly a figure to unite kingdoms together. Davos is pretty old, heirless, and, unfortunately, not even a primary character. So fuck it. Maybe they'll just say "A wizard did it, but then she got better and now she's a good guy again." Sad thing is, if they do pull some shit like that, I might have to just swallow it. There are characters I would like to see survive, but as far as the throne itself goes, there is no happy end anywhere in sight.

Now I need to hear Linda sing "The Girl in the Village with One Small Foot." Or just hear Nadja sing it in its entirety.

Yes, but she still didn't get the crust right. Wait 'til Hot Pie becomes an assassin...

Gizmo would have a better chance of getting turned by Jenna. Because it's fucking funny as fuck, that's why. It's not just the jokes, or the ideas, or the storylines. It is, at least as importantly, the actors' commitment to consistently spectacular delivery of funny fucking vampire/goth goofiness. The only show I can think of that has come pretty damned close is "Greg the Bunny," with their "Count Blah" puppet. Third place would maybe be "The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy," but their take on Dracula was not so much "Ambiguously foreign European people are funny," so much as it was "Hey, what if Dracula was a 70s disco stud who was voiced by Phil Lamarr doing a Redd Foxx impersonation?" The comedy delivery in this show is perfect. So are all the non-jokey conversational nuances. Also, I kind of think that they've got the "vampire rules" just right. Even with the limitations of sunlight, invitations, secrecy, crosses, and whatever the hell I'm forgetting right now, they would still be a bit over-powered. But making them all a bunch of over-powerful, easily distracted, never really in touch with the the time period they are trying to conquer, yadda yadda fools puts them exactly at a level where the story works. Sure, you could turn Gizmo and have a vampire with both vampire powers and modern knowledge. But most vampires who survive a few centuries probably conclude that bringing in somebody who's better at the job than they themselves are does not tend to improve their status.

Nandor does make a good point sometimes. Why do vampires always leave so many candles lit?