methadonna

I don’t know if this was an intententional allusion to the Twix commercial, but, either way, as long as she ate only one* of them, it’s just a hiccup, so why the hate? (And by “one,” I mean one mortician or one undertaker, not just the left Twix or the right Twix but not both...)

Maybe I’m just as subliterate as “Forever High” proprietor scAMber, but I had to read that going-out-of-business sale tweet—with its great-marketing NOT-foreverhaute.com URL—an embarrass number of times to realize where the space in “beforeverhaute” SHOULD go, reading it as “befor[e] ever haute”, like this site was the prequel or something. Clearly giving her too much credit, I was thinking maybe it meant “the kinds of clothes I liked to wear BEFORE (prior to) my being forever-high (so don’t worry; they’re far more stylish than the sartorial choices I’ve been making since I burned out half of my brain cells)”. Then, THINKING I was thinking like Amber (a feat obviously far more difficult than I anticipated as someone who, despite having needed to be on pain meds for most of the last 15 years, has been never-high from them because I DON’T ABUSE MY LEGITIMATELY PRESCRIBED MEDICATION, I tried to consider what “befor[e] forever hot”—as I’m assuming she actually thinks she’s meaning: like, maybe it was a well-intended-but-horribly-offensively named “plus” sized section (like, because you KNOW she’s one of those who’s squeezing herself into the baggiest or stretchiest size 12s she can find so as not to acknowledge that she’s really a 16-20, This would be the website’s section of clothing she’d acknowledge needing before her massive fat-removing- surgery (er, I mean massive surgery to remove fat, not that she was massively fat before surgery; I just find the term “mommy makeover” to be repugnant on numerous levels), née before she was “haute” (despite my seeing no difference in the after, save for her boobs’ now meeting her chin vs her chin’s previously reaching her boobs). I finally figured out that, even after seemingly hitting the rock bottom of awful-business-naming, she fell further and couldn’t or didn’t get the URL that matched said awful name and, rather than either reconsidering the insanity of the name in the first place and start over or even make the name even more stupid to st least match the URL, she just stuck the word “be” in front of it, not even matching the stupid slogan (yeah, I know it, now, but only because I went to the site to see if she understood how “percent” works, thoroughly expecting the discount to really be 25% (i.e., the cost would be 75% of the list price/25% off). Not gonna lie: I was kind of disappointed to see she got that right and, at first, charitably, acknowledged that, in this aspect, I’d underestimated her ability, rather than the underestimating the lack thereof wrt everything about this business. But then my black soul was reassured that all was right with the world of scAMber again and I’d just underestimated how poorly it must be doing for her to have to give a discount so deeply in the “I’m a total failure at merchandising” range. So -1 point for me in the reading-nonsensical-names department; minus all the points for scAMber in every other aspect of life. I taught mostly sixth-grade writing for many years—mostly in schools where it seemed students hadn’t had to write before or at least had wound up on the far side of the (unintentional) Whole Language pendulum swing, (and, when finishing my master’s at 21, “last chance” high school/GED school, where my student were 16-20, where I got my first “best” line of the many that will someday go in my book, a 20-year-old “kid” asking me, “I forgot: how do you draw a capital X again?)—and usually can solve the Zodiacianest cryptograms of the combination of no spacing, poor spelling, and misused words, but I’ll give Amber the credit: she got me with beforeverhaute.com for her Forever Haute/Hot/Haughty/High line. Perhaps her Farrah gellusness (jail-is-ness?) got her into competing for Best Word Salad Maker (except Farrah would claim the title of Word Salad Chef. Hmm, wrong thread, I guess, but that actually might be the best explanation of Farrah’s syntax yet: she’s microwaving her prose, just like they taught her in culinary school). I was already freaked out by the whole Wine and Paint “fad”: I didn’t know they had theme parties, let alone had progressed into fusion ones. But apparently the Amber and nuMat attended one, and after the SOBER couple primarily focused on the wine part, they still stuck to the theme: Lisa Frank and Dexter Fusion Night. Where DO they find the time, between couch-sitting, vacationing from their exhausting couch-sitting work, not-parenting Leah, crying over choosing to not-parent Leah, going off needed medication for a legitimate, medically diagnosed illness that is so severe as to justify the couch-sitting, not-parenting-Leah, and crying over [how “my bipolar (who needs nouns?)”] results in the above (but the rare kind that makes vacationing work out gloriously), AND making a new soon-to-be-not-parented baby? But there it is, proof of effort of spending three hours or so “out,” at least 30 minutes of which was likely spent actively painting and/or throwing up my fourth grade Trapper Keeper AND blood on a canvas. Whom am I kidding: they didn’t need to go to a class/party for that: maybe that’s just Amber’s terrible morning sickness, displayed on a blanket from the couch; no way that shithead is putting in the effort to get up from the couch and puke in a toilet, natch. I may have missed it, but even if they waited all the way until May 24th or so (if she said this on the 21st, I figure three Days is a generous time span to refer to as “about to” when you’re measuring in months. Like, it’s cool for my folks to talk about how they’re “going to be” celebrating their 25th anniversary, even though that’s not until November, because 25 years is a lot, let alone for a second marriage between two people who’d each been married and divorced for 20+ years before that; if they were using talking about how they would soon be celebrating their first anniversary when they’d just wed two months earlier, I’d be laughing at them (although not as much as if they said it was their two-month anniversary, because, yeah, that’s an annoying oxyMORON)), Amby and Newbie would be “about to” “celebrate” their EIGHTH monthiversary. They’d be “about to” BEGIN their ninth month together. Unless Amber thinks her baby will be 1 the day he’s born, because he’ll be IN his first year of life. Which, when it comes down to it, also wouldn’t surprise me. I knew my suspecting she’d confuse pricing at 75% vs 75% OFF wasn’t unjustified. Shit. I think you’re onto something. And, if that’s the case, given how long she’s been sitting on it on the couch, the question no longer is whether it’s Matt’s or Andrew’s; she’s been hatching that shit long enough that the only question is whether it was from Gary or a WalMart pick-up guy.

Because so many were commenting that this wasn’t hitting the mainstream news strongly enough (as I’d watched more livestreams and feeds of the trial coverage—which led me to so much nearly real-time updating of the “pillar” stories, ie what was happening with USAG, USOC, MSU, that I think I spent most of my waking hours for the full sentencing trial either watching or reading about it/going down the rabbit hole—I felt like maybe I had a skewed view of the attention this was getting and couldn’t trust my instincts on it (the irony of this not escaping me), but I figured it was worth mentioning that when I went to watch 20/20 tonight, it was about the scandal. For someone who’d followed it closely, a lot of it was redundant, but even I got some new perspectives and a piece of new info re: a rather major avenue for investigation. (Not sure if news can really be spoIled, but since I’m including info from a show far outside its topic/episode thread, I figured it would go the safe route Burn it all down, indeed. And let the athletes who have stood up rebuild it as they would see fit; the bonding that has taken place among at least the “frontlines” of this league of women was so evident: surely, between the ones who have held leadership positions in other fields before and those who’ve served in neutured athlete-rep type positions previously could do it, if there interested.

Yes and no: yes, as of 2020, the team event will be made up of teams of four (with qualifiers being a 4:4:3 configuration and team finals remaining three up, three count). (Thus, the 2016’s American WAG team’s self-designation as the FINAL Five: they were referencing the fact that they were the FINAL team to compete as a group of FIVE, along with celebrate the fact that, FINALly, they were the FINAL team who’d have to suffer with Martha as the Head Hog in Charge. Errr, I mean, honor her in her final year for all she’d done to give them and gymnastics to Nassar and the many other abusers. (Especially now, for all of both how they played it and Martha’s I’m-a-real-person-now:see-my-tears-at-how-much-this-means-to-me, I choose to believe the young women were being as clever and manipulating as they believed they had the power to do, then, and spent their evenings laughing their heads off with glee and disbelief that they had pulled it off, that they had really named themselves to celebrate Martha’s going-away-ness and had convinced her and the world that it was to honor her and not that it was just more alliterative and possibly less copywritten than “Ding, dong, the witch is gone”). However, also sort of no, as up to two MORE gymnasts per country can qualify for individual events, so “we” (Americans, touch wood, or each of the twelve countries that qualify to compete in the team event), can expect for the US and the other typical “locks” to qualify a team to have six competitors (unless USAG implodes into itself and gets entirely sucked into the black hole it both created and became by trying to alter the laws of physics along with those of basic humanity. In which case we’ll just dress up Ragan in a cutesy all-black ensemble that doubles as Wednesday Adams’s dress and a black hole (memo to self: would a now 56-year- old Ragan cutesy-flooring in a black hole remain eye-stab-inducing cutesy and annoying? Or we’ll let her join the Chinese team, where her age-and-maturity-reversing powers will be admired in ways I’ll never understand. But, assuming there is anyone left to run USAG), we most definitely will be sending six athletes, not just four. I can just picture the graphics and stories NBC is already working on (they still have a whole vault of inspirational videos on VHS about the Olympic Success of Vanessa Atler and are just waiting for the right girl to superimpose images of her head (on straight) on them. The opportunities for visual graphics to help explain and help show and overexplain and show the viewer that 4+2=6 will keep the NBC Graphics department/the girls busy at art and crafts time at Camp for two years—they might have to explain it even more than the green is good, yellow is questionable, red is The Place You Don’t Want To Be (besides with anyone who’s worked for USAG or Michigan State. Also known as the line for unemployment (why cash for all those deals was essential: using the athletes to launder money in and out of the country won’t be as easily arranged with a new doctor (too soon?), and they’re gonna have to hide their assets somewhere) hack to the CoP. No color-coded shapes for that one, but maybe some animal images to show 4+2=6 AND 6-2=4 will work. But it’s the dueling narratives of failure for ONLY being a non-team Olympian and for The One Who Made It BECAUSE of This New Position and/or wouldn’t have made a team of five Because 6-1=5 That will be The Story of the Gymnastic Olympians After The Story of The Team is Over and NBC has to redirect us from There’s Only Four Gymnasts To There Are Six Gymnasts And Here Are the Two Who Won’t Even Be Important Enough To Get Yelled at on Twitter by Trump Because 6-4=2 (or he gets a real doctor by then who admits he has no idea if that is Real or Fake GyMathtics News). By the time the individual competitions roll around and they’ve replayed the footage of our winning-at-all-costs team athletes eating their medals because now there’s no one to bring them food because as a doctor, you tell the coaches not to starve their gymnasts being only one to give starving international champion girls food because it makes you seem nice rather than such silliness as caring about their health, is like Grooming 101, we’ll get the packages about the two (6-4) Olympic Gymnasts no one acknowledged existed during the team competition. First, there’ll be Sad Stories of Olympic Failure Before It Starts Because She Always Dreamed She’d Be There As Part of a Team and Not JUST A Regular Ol’ Individual Olympic Athlete ?(play minor chords from Moulin Rouge; they still have it queued up from 2018 Games Figure Skating). Athlete Number Five will win a gold in her event final, but the overarching theme will be “Will she keep working on the other events to be good enough to stick around until 2024 and get that team medal that you know is what she REALLY wanted). Her story will end with a little bit of Carmen playing in the background, because, again, sticking with that Figure Skating Playlist from 2018. And maybe Alexa will be there to explain to the younger viewer, watching at home and hoping she’ll one day be on that podium, well, no, hoping she ‘s on The Team Event Podium ‘Cause that’s The One That Matters, That, back in early 2018, people lived like pioneers and many still had to listen to their music from their dumbphones and not from their watches or the chip implanted in their middle finger that can hold more pictures than the clouds and the sun together, and you’re all set, as long as you don’t lose your finger somewhere. Speaking of: more Stories, this time, happy ones, unless you’re Al, because this shouldn’t be happy if You Can’t Bite Your Olympic Medal In a Group Shot, so we’ll also get more of a tone/literal words that suggest It’s Ironic That For This Gymnast, The Team-Total Drop to the First Four Gave Her the Chance to Be the Olympian that just a Few Years Ago She Couldnt Imagine Possible Because 6-5=1 and Because Marta Had Cut Off Her Foot When She Made The Ranch Scale Hit “Stop,” As It Only Goes to 70 , just like the guy at the bariatric clinic without a bariatric scale on that new show My Auntie’s Sister’s Third-Cousin-Once-Removed And Everyone Else We Could Find On AncestorDotCom to Live Near Enough to Visit Each Other and Drive Around Eating Five Boxes of Pizza to Pre-Game For Our We’re-Not-Even/Extended/Family-We-Just-Got-Cast to Show How Fat Families Wipe Their Asses and Paint Their Toenails Pizza Party so We’d Weigh a Ton Because Dr Now is getting too Dr. Then So We Needed to Switch Up Our Fat Doctor TV Antihero Before Dr. That-Was-Then-That-WAS-Now Died and We Had to Rename It My 600-Feet-Under Life and Get The Audience Forgetting We’d Annointed Someone Else as Master Manipulator Fat Person Savior Last Week, Just Like We Did with Bradie and Skating Instead of.. .See It Worked You Forgot Already That She Wasn’t Originally Cast To Be the Original Designated Skating Princess (although Nathan Chen will get Paud a million times more money to reshoot those promos than Mirai, Karen, and the one who’s White and Blond and not 87 Like Mirai So She Gets To Be The Princess, combined), but Marta Knew The Original Cinderella and the Skaters Keep the Disney Princess Versions So She Knew Cutting Off the Foot of one of The Ugly Stepsisters To The Beautiful Team of Four Gymnasts Was The Way To The Judges’ Hearts(which respond better to athletes in a women’s sport who look more like helpless prepubescents than the strong adult athletes that “women’s gymnastics” suggests they be /to get 0.02 lbs Off and get The Scale in the Go Zone Again (just like she would have if she’d just waited until lunch weigh- in, dinner weigh- in, or Fake Laughing Time for those Assholes filming who want it to look like we’re at a summer camp and not a horror movie set), Which Left Our Gymnast both Allowed to Continue with the Honor of Training that Weekend Because She, literally, Cut Weight, But Without a Foot On Which to Train, So She Could Only Do Bars And Ragan’s Floor Routine Head-Boo-Dancing. “Fours Years Ago, a Such a SpecificSpecialist Could Never Have Made It To The Olympics, But (begin ironic-sounding music from Moulin Rouge) Now, It’s Like The New Code Was Designed Just For Her and for NBC’s Cameras to Zoom In On the Glass Slipper that Is Sewn to Where Her Foot Used To Be. Yes, The Irony That We Have More Specialists thanirgs All-Around Stars Now Because Marta and Bela Kept Breaking Them Until Not Enough Gymnasts Had Enough Limbs To Excel On All Four Apparatus, Although You’d Think std that Missing Feet Would Make (contract says I get a bonus for every superfluous mention of this little-known fact) Balancing on TheBeamThatIsOnlyFourInchesWide Easier, Too, But, Ironically, She STUCK to Bars, and, now, Here She Is at The Olympics, Just Doing One Event To Go With Her Just One Foot Left. ::Story ends with wistful music from Moulin Rouge playing over an image of Bela holding the essentially-one-footed Kerri Strug Back in the Days of the Smagmificent Seven. As the ranch gets raized in the background, we’re reminded that, even in the 90s, Bela was thinking ahead as to how best to hobble little girls for their 45 seconds on this, the Olympic Stage.. as the numbers on the team, like those on the scale, dropped. The Story closes with his feeding the animals at Camp (this time, literally; surely you knew he wasn’t using “animals” to describe the gymnasts in this context: he’s feeding them. Four little chickens plus two miniature pigs. Equal six animals that Ol’ McBela had on his farm. tl;dr: official: http://www.fig-gymnastics.com/site/figNews/view?id=1151 and then https://thegymter.net/2016/10/22/clearing-up-the-2020-confusion/amp/ is a helpful and easy to follow but detailed and more thorough explanation of how this all works out: (less formal than FIG’s, more ... rooted in reality and sanity than mine. Now with extra star-shaped marshmallows.

Agreed totally: that’s to what I was alluding with the mention of how I can picture him appearing quite different in his mother’s presence. She don’t play! As an observer, it’s easy to judge her as too harsh and/or banking on his success to create her own (iirc, she’s the one who said she had quit her job to help make sure he succeeds, which, at first viewing, sounded kinda shady, until I realized how produced that segment was; she may well have quit a job to “manage” him, not ages ago, but to come on this show, which would pay not just Bud but her (I’m not sure how it works in GA/because it’s reality and not SAG, but the “managers” may even have to be paid both an appearance fee for being featured on the show and a per diem for serving as the on-set guardians for minors*. I don’t recall what type of job she left...whenever...but if it were a lower-paying one or one at which she had little seniority, one she could likely replace with something comparable after the show wrapped, doing so actually could have been a financially sound decision, even if it did NOTHING for Bud’s “career” after the fact (and, I’ll admit I know close to nothing about monetizing one’s social media presence, I’d have to imagine that, at the least, even the most forgettable kids from this show have at least a significant uptick in that arena, with most being able to capitalize at least minimally on their fifteen minutes with paid hometown appearances and such, even if it doesn’t lead to the winning contract (or chain!), interest or representation from outside SoSoDefLand, or the sure discovery and quick accession nearly anyone who signs their rights away to these shows surely believes will result), and she seems to understand her son’s needs well and the tough-love harshness she sometimes doles out to a little boy who seems more in need of a hug suggest a far more thoughtful and intentional response to what works for him. The more I see of both of them (particularly remembering that this is both a condensed and edited version of their relationship), the more I think she’s actually quite in tune with what he needs and when he needs it, and, especially considering that (iirc) she had him quite young and is seemingly doing this on her own, I’m more impressed with her each episode and hope that, opening episode “giving it all up for my son” narrative aside, after this, she’ll find something that matches and values her talent and worth that allows her to continue to support her son while also living for her own success. LOL: I can’t believe I forgot to comment on this in my original post, as this was a stand-out ep for me due to the challenge but also left me frustrated as such minor tweaking could have made it both more educational (for the kids AND the viewers. ...And, given that most of the mentor peeps couldn’t even get the name right—I could ignore the “Atlanta Symphony” and “Atlanta Orchestra” as just natural, colloquial truncating, But B. Cox’s calling it the “Atlanta Symphonic Orchestra“ was NOT music to my ears, nor was the frequent interchanging of “band” and “orchestra”—the adults!). My greatest issue was with the fact that, despite the emphasis on the difference between performing with a track versus live music, there was little focus on the actual CONTENT of the live music wrt the kids’ learning about the music or writing bars that fit it any differently from any other track they’re given. JD gave a TH mentioning the actual music (sort of: he at least named the opera from which the selection came). But what, if anything, were the kids told about it? The Barber of Seville is probably one of the most accessible operas, both musically and narratively: surely, making part of the challenge be to write eight bars that at least fit with the overall story, thematically... I didn’t need them to be rhyming about what would actually be acted out on stage in a full production, at that moment of the music, but some bars that somewhat reflected the content—hell, even just a call for a comic piece, or even having them rework two of their prior pieces together, paralleling the composition of the overture—would have given the task a stronger through line and not relegated that stunning symphonic performance to little more than a live and more robust beat to which a bunch of kids rapped completely unconnected (to the music or each other) natterings about their clothes, their names, how they were gonna make it, how they spit to do good, the cars their skillls would get them, and the other “topics” most of them revert to week after week. I don’t know that I agree with THAT one (although, if she picks up a few more top 2 placings in the next few weeks, I might have to reconsider; it would certainly be a good narrative, although she still has a long way to go to even be ... someone who should be on this show: despite her having shown the greatest progress, she started out so low, imho, it would be hard for her not to, and even if she maintained that kind of trajectory, she still would be at the bottom for me). HOWEVER, last night, I agree she was significantly better, and that’s because she made her tone and diction much less affected. Her distinctive (read: annoying to me) cadence worked—in this case—better because a) as above, it wasn’t paired by the equally affected vocals, b) it gave the listener a mental “break” from the four other rhythmically similar-sounding interpretations, all of which were too trite or garbled for the lyrics to be the differentiator, (especially being the middle performer in the same-same sandwich), and her drawn-out cadence, in this case, happened to service the music as a whole and not just the drum rhythm, giving the whole performance room to breathe and remind the listener that there was a[n almost] full symphony behind them: JD noted that she sounded like a trumpet going off when she entered, and I don’t disagree with him; I’m just not sure I think that was skill more than luck, esp both coming in after the other two (usually stronger) girls who didn’t nail it AND happening to start at a point in the music that gave her that opening. As their bars had their order but weren’t inherently linked to the actual bars of the composition (I.e., I don’t think each performer’s eight bars were literally mapped to specific measures of the music so much as they just knew rhythemically how it had to fall; if Bri and Rap had each taken a little longer or shorter, Rikki might have started with another measure and I don’t think it would have crossed her mind as long as the rhythm remained as expected and she could comfortably enter on the beat she expected, which it would have), I think she more lucked into that strong opening. Which just continues my frustration with this task: I think the music—outside the percussion—was treated more as a distraction to work past, rather than the core to work with. Still, despite some misguidedness and improvements that could have made this challenge superlative, I love the idea of it, I think it was interesting, and hopefully it opened some people’s minds on both ends (i.e., opera/symphony fans to rap and rap to more classical)... If even a fraction of the viewers have had anything close to the Barber earworm as I have had for the last 24 hours, I don’t see how it couldn’t have had an impact! *Um, shiiiiiit, yo, I just came across some casting calls for this season (I hadn’t even realized they did them; I thought they started the casting process with invites based on existing social media), and they say NO PAY. I wasn’t looking for this and haven’t followed up on their legitimacy (or whether that’s really true, or if it’s just for the kids and the guardians still get a per diem or anything), but IF true 1) forget what I said above and 2) that is so disgusting and exploitative. I’m conflicted enough over the ethics of putting children on reality programs; if they’re not getting paid for having their time and talents used to make money for a lot of powerful adults, I don’t think I could, in good conscience, continue watching. Ima have to look into this more and start writing some I-can-say-it’cause-I’m-grown letters. ‘Cuz this ain’t no game.

I SAW the makeover episode and I STILL had the same thought as you for most of it, until Bud said something (which was actually referenced in his rap this week) that made me realize he hadn’t been burned or had pre-existing medical problems that were better-covered pre-makeover: he had had that done on PURPOSE. In the makeover ep, he got all worked up that others were “stealing his swag” (because Bri and Rap-unzel—not really by their own choice, even— were getting their hair dyed “swag” colors, which natch means they were trying to copy him, because everyone wants to be just like STREEEEEEET). So he got a “cheetah print” dye job (which maybe in person looks less like the poor kid* couldn’t sit still long enough and got his scalp burned off, because now he says it shows he still Has The Most Swag in da house). So, nothing wrong with his scalp: he had them bleach those as “cheetah” spots on the closer-shaven underside of his hair. On purpose. And now he’s Street and King Swag again, despite all those other kids several years his senior trying to steal said swag. [tl;dr below: therapy. Don’t bother] *I swing back and forth in my thoughts on Bud, between really “getting” this kid and having such a strong sense of misplaced animosity toward him that I end up hating myself. I taught mostly sixth grade for many years, and I have had dozens and dozens of Street Buds in my classes through the years, kids who I knew had a sweetness and a talent outside the classroom but, in the classroom setting—no matter how much I tried to design a culture and curriculum that supported a learner like Bud—only showed the hyper (I obviously can’t diagnose, but I think it’s clear from both his behavior and his mother’s comments that he has some pretty heavy ADHD, at the least) and a performative (for his peers) bluster and defiance that would make him seem like a different kid if his mom joined him for a conference or shadowing. So I watch him, being both grateful that this kid has the support and potential for self-affirming success outside of school, and frustration and sadness at seeing what I interpret as such clear representation of one of the reasons I went from being the strongest supporter of public schooling to becoming worldview-destroying-level disillusioned with it. I also will admit that I had an irrationally-extreme aversion to constantly seeing backpacks, folders, even assignments in which young people declared how SWAG they were. Like, if you are, why ya gotta be telling everyone? It just seemed so off to me, and, often, tragic (when they really...weren’t), again not feelings I should have about young people and—in a school culture that was toxic in so many other ways—made me hate who I saw myself becoming, and, coupled with my own increasing disability, reminded me of a promise I’d made to myself as a teenager—after a conversation with a teacher who was utterly abusive in the classroom, pretty clearly an alcoholic, and overtly counting down the days to retirement, made me realize that he had once been a passionate and dedicated educator, and probably even a good one (and that that was likely true of most; it’s just too hard with too little extrinsic reward for all but the truly twisted to START teaching without at least the best of intentions if not competency)—that if I ever started feeling differently from how I did then (and, later, reaffirmed in my first few years as an educator), I’d leave before I let it make me become anything like what this man had become. So, I did, but it’s taken it’s toll, psychologically, and I watch Bud with both all the love and eventual conflict I had for the students and the career I once had such passion for (and—like writing on my backpack, but, hey) talent and skill for, and questioning the accuracy of my impression of him as to how much projection I’m imposing on a kid for a much greater and systemic problem that has nothing to do with this child/reality character on my TV. But, regardless, he’s swag, and I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t picture him outside of this setting and in a school one and feel great empathy for his teachers. And I also then wonder if I’m completely wrong and, at least once upon a time, he’d have been a student I adored having in class.

I thought so. But then it got worse. My CC kept spelling it as “King Krymzon*.” (And, that poor child: Krymzon. Which—if true (and, while I’m often embarrassed for my closed captioning and its difficulties with spelling, I’m inclined to believe it, because: everything this episode)—makes the masks and the being subjected to his father’s “singing” the least of his problems. *OK, I actually don’t remember if it was Krymzon or Crymzon. I’m also not sure it matters. The latter only has two rather than three letters Kri8ifleigh spelled, but the the former has the matching Ks in the awesome alliteration. Which I guess doesn’t matter if you’re the son and decide to be, like Dr. C/Krymzon and not MySonKingKrymzon like daddy hoped he’d be. ETA:see below) OMG, he totally reminded me of Lily from Unexpected with that crap. (For those of you for whom Dr. Phil is far closer to the bottom of your “yeah, I watch that...” list than I, that was a 16 and Pregnant-like show, and Lily was one of the girls who was, well, 16 and pregnant and so dumb she didn’t know what a zucchini was. No connection between those facts to suggest a euphemism; she literally didn’t know what a zucchini was)**. Anyway, as her mother was talking to her about plans with the guy she’d been dating a whole few months when they’d gotten her pregnant (ie, don’t assume he’s gonna be around forever), she looked at her mom as only a teenager can and said, “Well we’re already married in my head”. I’m trying to decide what mental wish to declare reality so we can join The King’s “Kareer” and Lily’s marriage on the trolley to the Land of Make-Believe.

How the hell did he pull that many recovering addicts (and their The Phil Is Our Shepherd grateful* parents) out of the stable so fast to put together that heavy-handed response episode that quickly to passive-aggressively respond to all the recent criticism wrt his shady drug treatment program practices? Hell, he even got half of them to specifically say how, once they got to L.A. for pre-filming, they couldn’t get any alcohol or how getting there was like being in jail because they were so highly supervised (despite its being in direct contrast to one of the higher-ups’ statements in one of the articles above). And the few who were Extra Doubleplus [making the show look] Bad and shooting up before going onstage did so because they were SOOO unpatriotic as to Snakes On A Plane. Sorry, I mean, Sneak Drugs On A Plane. Although, the former might have made those that made the oil Dr. Phil was working double time to sell us less lonely. *And, holy shit, did I get that right? “Over” 500 people (so, probably 503. But I’ll be generous and go with 524: any more than that and he’d surely have said “almost 550”) treated, and TWENTY-EIGHT FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS spent on (worth of) treatment?! Even if I assume that’s the retail cost and not what the show actually pays to the Very Best Treatment Centers In The World who whore themselves out on the show in exchange for such recognized distinction in lieu of payment, we’re talking about more than fifty-grand per addict. (Nevermind the free vacay to LA for each one’s bad-parenting dad, enabling Mom, and sensible-and-free-from-blame-because-she-wrote-in Aunt Bertha...) I mean, I’m sure the ten parents or so whose kids are, 28 mil. later, still currently* sober/not dead are grateful for that, too, and all, but, hell: I got publicly berated and humiliated for eight+ hours a day, five days a week, for way less money than that a YEAR, working at The World’s Most Toxic Middle School for nearly a decade: I now understand why someone would subject themselves to 42 minutes (plus syndication) of national flogging by that blowhard; I’d let him diagram sentences for me, too, for less than one class period, for the equivalent of more than a year’s salary of potentially life-saving services (if I actually believed those services were, indeed, potentially life-saving). *I get that that’s how it often works with recovery, but there sure were a lot of those ten-or-so cherry-picked guests of the 524-or-so (soooo, a lot for how fast they threw this shit together, but still less than 2% of those “helped” over the years) who got a lot of lip service paid to how they’d been featured three or seven years ago, only to have it quickly mentioned that, well, yeah, they slipped, and/but now they’ve been sober a whole four months. They’re not dead, so I guess it’s a win, regardless, but it just further underscored that Dr. Phil and his Best Vanity Dual-Diagnosis Treatment Centers in the World (and twenty-eight million dollars, sorry, still reeling from how disgusting** that number is) likely have success rates that are pretty comparable to every other shitty rehab place in the world; they just have prettier views to enjoy on the road to unlikely success. (And I sincerely apologize to everyone who has struggled with this themselves or with a loved one for my seeming flippancy with all of this; really, I’m just so saddened by the reality of how often none of it makes a difference, and how many people are getting rich** off of the desperation of those who need it to). **And, I’m disgusted and saddened by the gall of this Very Rich Man and his Very Rich Foundation and his Very Rich-in-Plastic Wife for their begging their viewers for money that they “need” for one of the few things they do that I believe DOES make a difference—the women’s and family shelters—none of which I bet has ever tried to entice someone to PLEASE give it a[nother] shot with the hook of “it’s on [a beautiful] island and it’s like a resort.” (Although maybe they DO offer baskets of Robyn’s Magical Elixers of Ponds and Snake Oil On vanity packaging and a Name Too Cutesy for A Self-Respecting ‘Tween. But that would still put it closer to Motel 6 category than Beautiful Resort, and I bet they could fund it themselves for less than they spend on keeping Mysonjay’s vanity project vanity publishing company. Well, at least they’re consistent about one value in their lives). But, because I like to be positive (bwah ha ha), I thought this episode was excellent in one regard: it showed, without question, how very little Phil has to do with his guests; even the ones who seemed like true success stories were essentially thanking “Dr. Phil” as a metonymy; anything more specific—even the haunt-you-to-the-ends-of-the-earth after-the-fact attention and care—was ALL directed at the underlings (who, Dr. Phil pointed out, don’t do it for the money. Which, given the rest of what was said and shown in this handjob of an episode, along with the aforementioned core family value, is one of the times I don’t question a word of what the man said. Even the ones with trumped-up titles probably have to get their side hustle on by selling their Christmas bonuses on eBay. Which you KNOW consists of a gift bag (personally signed by stamped with the Exclusive Dr. Phil Hanky Font). filled with hasftad aa a HashtagWheeThat’sMeeeee(and me teefers) Robbin’ McGraw Revelations Surplus Product Advent Calendars and by-exclusive-code Mysonjay Can Read Press Groupon

Innnteresting that Brendi K. (dafuq wit dat name? And consider my spelling in the above rhetorical question my meta-commentary on that) and Maggie are the two who are out of order, alphabetically, in the title sequence. Well, technically, I guess it’s either Brendi K. and Liz OR Christina and Maggie who are out of order, but that ruins my point so we’ll just pretend; at least, they’re each one half of the two “flipped” pairs when everyone else, IIRC*, seemed to be shown alphabetical by first name. (Was there a title sequence in episode 1? I’m assuming not, as we didn’t find out until the end of the episode who was selected for the Fetch Fierce Final Fukked-Up Fifteen or whatever Fraze Tyra is trying to make happen this menstrual cycle, but maybe they played it then and I don’t remember) so I don’t know if we’re gonna get different swaps each week so we can know who’ll be the two beeyooteeful women standing before Tyra when she only has one pho-TOE left in her hand even before they knock us out with their anvils a few minutes later, or if the editors just don’t know their ABCs): I only decided to pay attention this time as I realized I didn’t know a single one of their names, and when they got to Brendi K (second, after Christina), my first thought was, “The hell? There are TWO Brendis on this show?” and, while on the lookout for Brendi X or whatever, realized that everyone else was alphabetical and sadly there’d be no Brendi Elemenopeigh, that that was ... just her name. But then, I realized that, although slightly less obvious than had it been, like, Khrystyana or Rhiyan or at-least-not-Lybirti,-I-guess, because their parents didn’t hate them at birth, Maggie and Liz were, likewise, flipped. *Ima feel hella dumb** unstablely ungenius if I really wasn’t paying nearly as much attention as I thought/just demonstrated I’d score, at best, a 15/30 on the MoCA and they actually weren’t alphabetical at all. **So does this make me sound like a White Homegirl From Maine? (Because, really, I think I just sound like I’m in middle school and not, holy shit, the same age as Erin-the-grandma-with-five-kids).

Fo’ realz: they were so abundant that my first thought was that the editors were trolling the Lemoji-seekers / giving the viewers SOMETHING to make this episode watchable. Then I realized how *I* was reacting every time Monica ... Monica-ed, had a vision of my mom dragging me back in time three decades to slap the pre-teen eye-rolling disrespect outta my face, and considered how much more time Marcus had to spend around this woman. So, nah, I believe, if anything, the editors probably cut far more of his is-this-dingbat-for-real? faces, as the only way to amplify any reaction anyone—let alone someone with such propenisity for expressive faces—would’ve had would be to literally create the cartoon-eyes-rolling-out-of-his-face-and-onto-the-“garage-sale”*-table trope. *Maybe I’m nitpicking because I hated everything about this episode, but calling the “get-rid-of-the-excess-merchandise/random-shit” part of the Process a “garage sale” was even more precious than everything else precious Monica so carefully tried to make precious in her precious country store craphole. Marcus has one of those purge scenes in half of his episodes: as with any other business (vs a de-hoarding homeowner), every normal (fsvo) featured owner calls it a liquidation sale. OMG, I hate this woman.

I am thoroughly convinced that Paul and his cocksuckersplaining* got "c***" and "twat" confused. Of course, I am also thoroughly convinced that Paul is confused about far more practical matters about female genitalia. Or at least apathetic. His "brand" (they finally got me) may be FRIENDSHIP, but I have a hunch he's the kind of Friend who takes way more than he gives. *And, I'm an avid curser in general (have never really understood what makes the "biggies" so offensive/ why using a "substitute" word directed at someone with the same intention is less so), but I think this may be the first time I've ever actually used "c*********": I try to avoid terms that are seen as derogatory primarily due to their being connected to women and/or gay/bi men and other "lesser beings" and, thus, a "downgrade" for [straight, non-disabled] men (I.e., it's not my personal cup of tea--but, then, "carpetmuncher" as a negative is typically seen as the homophobic slur in which it's intended ;-)--but saying someone "sucks" or "blows" (or a guy is a pussy or someone is lame) orwhatevs to mean they're all...uncool (TM The Real HW Formerly Known as The Countess and Also Formerly Known as Mrs. D'Agostino) is only a negative because of who does that (or, in the latter, has or is that), which is seen as a step down for Real Men. I'm also a total hypocrite because "sucks" was such a major part of my casual lexicon that I still have to actively work not to use it/need another word that has the same intentional connotation without all the baggage. Maybe I'll just start using "Paul" for all things not of my liking. Much like "fuck," I hereby christen it an all-parts-of-speech term. (Looks out window, sees it is pouring and I still need to run to Starbucks to fully savor the DE, and mutters, "Uggh, that pauls." Except, that pauler would probably be thrilled at any relevance. Paul it.)

Did I hear Nigel correctly that there was a documentary on theaters now about that step team? Not it that I've ever thought the initial [televised with judges] were even vaguely organic, but--if I didn't misunderstand him--it makes that entire initial audition and package extra icky, as they obviously then had already planned to have them on the show and just got that girl to come do a faux audition to provide the arc and a fake narrative (I'd also thought they were talking about her bringing on the young team that she now goes back to her old school to coach, not a bunch of mediocre grown-ass women. Who may still have a great story but so do the graduated step team members from probably half the schools in urban* America, and a fair percentage of them are actually probably good, not just shills for some documentary. I thought this was going to be the story of a young woman who felt "saved" (gag) by her school step experience and now was bringing up the next generation of young women there to do the same. *Not to say they are exclusive to each other, but, in my former (pre-disability) life, between teaching and doing research, I've spent time in a lot of schools, and most urban schools I've been in that have any extra-curricular activities had/have a step team, albeit with most at a more casual or lower competitive level; no suburban ones I can think of, however, did (admittedly, I don't think I've actually ever spent time in a truly rural school). So, not trying to generalize TOO much from my own little sample set, but just speaking from my experience. And my disappointment with what was an even more fabricated narrative than the many "untrained" "street" dancer stories we've been fed throughout the years.

Oh, I hadn't read anything about the connection before that hosebeast showed up in the most staged scene I've seen on these shows. But, for the DM's connection, it was actually somewhat subtle: she was just named as "Jill Vertes, [Ryleigh?] Vertes's Mom (I'd think that even bringing Kendall along with her to stand by silently--as she'd do best--would be more their speed: it took seeing the name for me to actually make the connection and I HATE Jill! But it was one of those, "Where do I know this nightmare lady from? moments until I saw the chyron), and then she (Jill) had some very forced dialogue backstage (or in the lockers, or whatever it's called) pre-game with Todd, "jokingly" asking if he'd made Ryleigh (or whatever her name is. It could be Jane, for all I remember, but now it's Ryleigh) the center or whatever they call the position that they have all the drama about, and then added "'Cause you usually do that if you know I'm coming." Since I didn't remember the girl at all--and certainly didn't remember her being brought up as being one of the ones in general competition for a key spot in the original exposition that let us know that that would be the recurring conflict, or for either episode-specific one--I don't think it had even come up as a concern for any of these brats. Which made Jill's line all the more pathetic, because it simultaneously suggested that, even if true, her kid only ever got the prime spot because the coach is a [rich?-]parent suck up AND that this recurring conflict the show had just made such efforts to create was, just that: for the show. On top of that, though, no, she wasn't (I guess he'd called her name to put her in the line-up for the week and I didn't remember that, either, so I could be wrong here, too), but I don't recall her having had any focus before that, certainly not in the ever-suspenseful drama of Who Will Be At The Top Of The Pyramid In The Center Spot for that week. In other words, yes, she's another Kendall. Which makes the idea of the Verteses making more money off these shows even grosser to me. (I didn't think to check whether she got any production credit, but then I don't recall the mom who--if the origin story is true--first pitched the idea of DMs getting credit or hearing about their earning royalties (esp after they left the show), so maybe she won't and she'll have to keep pimping out KendallK's muzak and meet-n-greets to keep those dolls-dollas rolling in, and shuffle her plastic face over to this show to get her OR her Other Daughter more than background pay on this show. (If I spelled Vertes wrong--or made it up too--sorry: I can't abide the thought of giving them even one more Google search to check).

I think my biggest surprise was that they waited until the second episode to show us the truth about this show: mom of second-rate team member (Ryleigh, maybe? I hadn't noticed her before) shows up, and it's Jill Vertes (Kendall's mom, from Dance Moms). Has Jill finally realized that Kendall has no there there and ain't gonna be the star Stage Mommy was banking on Abby Miller's going to jail will kill off Dance Moms--and thus her (her=Kendall's or mommy's: you decide!) access to Closer to Fame will end. It it seemed obvious to me from the start that this was to be the replacement series for the ill-fated Dance Moms, but I must admit that, behind my already shameful hate-watching, realizing that Jill was related to the genesis of this show added a whole other level of self-loathing as I diligently check my DVR each week to make sure it's picking up the next episode.

And the other half, she literally IS trying to shovel 20 pounds of pigshit her cooking (same thing) into what WAS barely more than a 10-pound sack before she escaped the clutches of Mama Rose. You're a subconscious Jess fan? Oh, you said ON, not IN. Nevermind.

Everyone keeps saying that Paul will either put up Jess and Cody to flush out the hex OR put up two others, like Mark and Elena, so his HOH isn't a waste. Why wouldn't he do something like Cody and Mark, and at least make Jessica decide whether to use it to save Her Man (Who Is Ruining Her Game) -- but not herself -- or gamble that Mark could become the bigger target and not use it? The outcome would likely be the same, but at least he wouldn't be rolling over for them: at worst, he'd have the same outcome of nullification of his week, and the Hex would be out, or he'd still have a shot at either of two other targets, and it forces Jess to lay out her cards. (This isn't taking into consideration the third nominee comp: I was unclear as to whether this would take place before or after initial evictions. At first, I thought they'd learn about it AFTER, but I guess it makes more sense for them to do it first. Still, at least from Paul's (any HOH's) point of view as of NOW, I don't see why it wouldn't make more sense for him to split the couples. The only potential fallout I can see would be that Cody might better align with Mark in that position, especially if Jess uses the hex. But, the one place I don't think Paul quite has his finger on the pulse right now is wrt Cody's distrust of Mark, so I don't know why that would be a concern, plus it potentially keeps Jess out of veto. Conversely, I guess the other concern is, if Jess and Cody don't go on the block together, Jess could get picked for veto*, win, and pull Cody down (which is what has always seemed lopsided about veto comps to me: if an on-the-block player wins, he/she only achieves safety for one person (presumably himself or herself) whereas if one of the others win it, he or she can choose to keep two people safe (himself/herself plus someone on the block). Whatevs, with this "Choose to Play" Comp (sounds like a lottery ad), I guess all of this will ultimately be a moot point; I'm just trying to figure out if there's something very logical I'm missing in thinking about what would make the most sense* with the knowledge they currently possess, as it seems like most people are seeing it as an either/or thing. (And, apologies in advance if I've overgeneralized here or if I missed someone else already suggest/question as much). Also, LOL to Elena's not risking overestimating her housemates' abilities and throwing the HOH on the first question: wasn't this the Comp someone (Paulie? Corey? I forget) TRIED to throw, but the combination of suckage of most HGs and his own (iirc) incorrect incorrect answers resulted in his winning? So, damn, she didn't even pretend to try on this one as one usually does when throwing, presumably because she didn't trust that everyone else wouldn't do the same thing (intentionally or un-). I suspect she probably could have won if she wanted--I was wondering what the tiebreaker would be if they kept going, as I thought a few more might hang in a bit longer. Maybe an over- under or Price-is-Right-style count on the total number of tattoos in all four pics? Even if she didn't know it, I can picture her being able to visualize and add them more quickly than Paul. But I guess that wouldn't be a good question after all, inasmuch as what counts as "one" tattoo? Like, even if you put Paul in front of me to count the number of tats on his chest, I'd have no idea if I should attempt to count (however many) discrete images, or just say "one" 'cause it just looks like a multicolored blob. Likewise, would, for example, Jillian's list of places be one or five? Etc.) Damn. Now I really wanna know what the tiebreaker woulda been! But I of course digress...) so I hope this doesn't come back to bite her in the ass. Even more than a Codyless Jessica, I'd really like to see more of Elena's gameplay once she frees herself of the albatross that is Mark. Which is pretty ironic, considering that I spent a long time thinking that Mark--with all of his chess/deep-talk love--was the one with the brains, I've now realized that he is more of just a post-pubescent, 'roided Josh**, while she's more of a Janelle, playing up her sexuality and hiding her brains. Which, sadly, I think is one's best bet as a woman in this notoriously misogynistic house, especially a smart woman, and if it's mostly strategy and we get to see more of her non-bombshell side, I think I could have someone to get behind soon. If that's how she presents in the real world, though, she's dead to me. (By "that," I mean hiding her [presumed] intellect to "appeal" more to, esp., men, not whether she adds the sensuality TO it; I ain't judging the latter inandof itself, esp if it's a natural part of her personality, which it seems to be; it's quite the contrast to Raven's constant posing (literally, although figuratively too, I guess), like she's a barely legal pin- up model desperately trying to look like she's comfortable at her first semi-nude shoot when she's actually so discomfited with herself that she needs to wear a heavy mask to hide behind. Elena, otoh, clearly owns/has spoken of her discomfiture with aspects of her appearance, while still being seemingly comfortable enough to assert her physicality in a way that seems true and not a character (or, like masked pin-up doll and or Annabelle:Creation, practically caricature) she's decided to portray in the house (natural/true in the sense of ifs being an authentic part of her personality, albeit not natural in the sense that there's obviously much artifice to her appearance, too; she just doesn't come across to me like she's trying to play someone/thing else, as Posthumously Awarded Miss Arkansassy 2018 does to me). Of course, given Elena's apparent shock at the vote, she's either a great actor or I'm a greater idiot and projecting attributes she lacks wrt intelligence, as I don't know how she didn't figure this "blind"side out. But realizing that being HOH would be a greater risk for her than not winning the safety it grants suggests to me that she picked up on what that dynamic suggested about others' perceptions of her "organic-team-[re]forming" (TM Motivational Liar Dominique) this week and wants to make it clear she's abandoning ship. (And, though Jess's hex-news-throwing could potentially jack up her Elana's game, I think the Be All You Can Be (or don't and chillax) Comp could be VERY good for her and her chance to save herself. *Do we know how Christmas's present (forgot the name of her temptation) works if she's already selected to play veto but wants to use it to block someone else's playing rather than to ensure her own shot at it? (Like, in the above scenario, she wanted to prevent Jess from playing, or if trying to backdoor someone, but that person gets "randomly" selected for veto, if Christmas WEREN'T selected, she'd get to replace Jess or BD target with herself, but if Christmas got picked too/was ALSO playing veto (whether on the block or selection), can she still "replace" the veto competitor and thus shut them out of the opportunity to compete while limiting the field to five (or four, if then she wasn't cleared for that Comp (unless she's part of the most successful twin twist ever, and her secret twin, Winter Solctiss, could be the sixth...). Or does her getting selected nullify her power that week, even if it's to her detriment? **Makes note to self: remember to thank mom for not naming me for a holiday I was born nearish (not sure when it fell the year I was born, but, as one gets at least a ten-day window of the holiday to count, odds are good it would have been close enough, and I am so not a Chanukah Dreidel-Gelte. Or, if she'd actually followed the calendar, rather than just going with the, "Well, fuck, close enough," approach as Christmas's mother Mary Magdalene--I was born the day after Christmas (the holiday, not the person)--I'd be Boxing Daye. But then I'd just go by Xing[bot] for short, which would be awesome. Damn. New memo: fuck you, Mom.

This is entirely what I was expecting. It would have had a proper symmetry to it -- Paul entered the house, resulting in another's (which ended up being Cameron) having to leave: it would bookended The Vet's entrance nicely if the Battle Back's result of the re-entrance of a bootee (booty) then had the consequence of a current HG's being evicted. Even if it HADN'T been Paul, it would have balanced it all nicely; that, in this scenario, it would have been Paul's* demise at the expense of another's ressurection** would have just added another layer of poetic justice (and, had Cameron actually beaten Cody and been the one to then replace Paul, a true thing of just deserts beauty). (That said, especially as the Surprise, You Lost, You're Booted wasn't the case, I'm just as glad it wasn't Cameron. I HAD thought I wanted him back, at least over the options, as death wasn't one of them, both because it just always seems wrong to me to boot someone before he or she really gets ANY of the experience--especially someone who appeared to desperately want to be there (as opposed to recruits or those who figure, "Well, it's not The Bachelor, for which I DID apply, but I guess this will do sac I can still famewhore/find true love a meaningless summer fling, 'cause, bonus, there's more than one guy and only probably 4-5 women willing to throw away their game for this goal, way fewer than 20 (? I've never actually seen The Bachelor or its friend shows, so sorry if I'm way off on the number of) women all pretending to want the one guy, like I WAS planning"/Increase My Brand")/get discovered "see what other opportunities come my way next"/die my way to paying off the debt I've incurred investing in my future, er, I mean, since I have no future and only my word, the medical bills I've incurred that I'll be dealing with for the next five two no years of my life the afterlife --let alone get booted immediately and then have to spend the next several weeks sequestered (with only handlers as contact, I'm assuming: quite different from spending a long time in the jury house)and not even get to live his unfulfilled dream vicariously by going home to watch the feeds and engage with other viewers, as he likely would have spent his summer had he not gotten what ended up being only a cruel tease (Unless I'm mixing him up with someone else? I thought he was one of the actual, actively engaged "superfans," but maybe I'm wrong and can feel slightly less disappointed for him, but still bad as I would for anyone in such a purgatorial position) and/or spending the time doing something else and starting to move on, and because it would be interesting to see how someone close to being truly new approached the game, over Shack Up In Coupled Isolation Redux/Undo Jessica's [figurative] Game Re-Entry. But, around the point it looked like he actually was a formidable opponent for Cody, I surprised myself in rooting for Cody to win Cameron to lose. Why? Perhaps unfair, as the absurdity of his having to narrate his thoughts as if they were ITM retroactively (as expressed well by many upthread) affected how he'd have come across were he recounting it from the other side of the results, but his DR cuts reminded me why I was content to see him go at the start, despite my same feelings of its suckiness as above, but: DAMN, he was annoying me! His DR prompts surely didn't help, but he upped the ante of their inanity with his annoying answers. The DR peeps seem to be asking the HGs the same ridiculous question wrt their "strategy" for the "upcoming" (finished) competition for the most ridiculous of comps/outcomes quite frequently this summer, or at least showing them predominantly when there IS no logical answer, whether there can't BE real strategy because the game is 95% sheer luck or the HG seems to think it is, or only could have strategy to discuss if the "strategy" is to lose/throw it to someone specific (like, if there were a roll-your-ball-down-an-unpredictably-angled-table-and-see-what-number-slot-it-lands-in type comp, vs the kind where you can roll it one way and be certain of a safe number but probably not the highest or aim for a sure-to-win-if-you-actually-get-it-but-sure-to-lose-if-you-miss, where hearing whether one's strategy was to play it safe or go-for-broke with hope of hitting the jackpot (or hope of looking like that's your plan while ensuring you don't win), which could be worth revealing. Sure, sometimes they're just trolling the HGs who bomb or whose strategy sucks, so they can contrast their DR claims with the footage (and clownish soundtrack to make sure there's no subtlety), but this summer, we'll get DR breaking news focus on the former type, and they'll show three people saying, "My strategy is to roll the ball and hope it lands in the best number" while rarely even hearing from anyone wrt the latter type. In this case, if Cameron's downfall of ending up with his fewer remaining blocks all spread out, requiring an accuracy he couldn't achieve, had been the opposite, and he could have said his strategy was to aim for blocks in order so as not to get stuck with three discrete, narrow targets, THAT might have made sense to show. Or even, given the outcome, had he said he expected that Cody would be more precise in his hitting than he believed himself capable, so his strategy was just to go as fast as he could and hope to luck out with random success more quickly than the slow-and-steady pace he expected a detail-oriented/big-picture-blind robot would adopt, it wouldn't have seemed like such a stupid question for a game that seems like there wasn't much strategy to exist in the first place. Instead, he started by giving them the nonsense he probably believed they wanted, like retroactively determining how a character of The Nerd would approach something that, in theory, had some physics behind the carnival game set-up, versus how the character of The Emotionless Sharpshooter Athletic Marine would strategize. And, it was so OTT and didn't even make sense, that I wanted him to lose just so I'd never have to hear his producer-pandering bullshit I'm The Cochran Character DRs over Cody's I Don't Give Enough Shits To Succumb To Your "Next Take, With Feeling" Admonishments, refreshingly non-screamy DRs. *My cable has been playing its own Battle Back against my viewing wishes and leapfrogging over various minutes of all my recorded shows, including everything from after Alex and Paul voted for the Big Brother Lot, CA, Representative for The House until the start of the Paul v Cody competition, so I don't know if I missed anything that suggested any of the hams had a similar thought wrt the potential of the House Rep's being booted if he/she lost, but I wonder if any of them did, with the thought that it could be a great way to boot him without Getting Blood On Their Hands/a [half(?)]-week of his sure-to-be-vicious wrath while on the block. From my next-day backseat quarterback position, at least, I know my choice would be someone I was prepared to lose not just the game but FROM the game, and I'd be assuming that it was 1) unlikely ANY HG would win, no matter who the Battleblocker (errrr? name for the four evictees competing?) because that's how the show works and 2) possibly be not just the representative to be the sacrificial loser in a battle surely set to favor the potential evictee but the surprise sacrifice from the game in the likely scenario he/she lost (because [a] Expect the Unexpected and I'm now convinced someone in production is obsessed with The Shirley Jackson oeuvre (at least, I think it was someone in this show I previously compared to her protagonist in "Charles"(? I can't even remember who that was or what it was about, so maybe that was another show, or maybe this season has just been so endless that it's already advanced me several life stages to the point of senility, or maybe I'm just obsessed/wanting a new theme besides the Dom-approved Garden of Eden one, myself. Or, maybe I'm right <-- that must be what giving one of those DR sessions where you have to pretend to be giving your thoughts at the moment without knowing the outcome, when you DO know the outcome, is like, as I already know that my whole premise is wrong and there was no "shocking" replacement twist, but I THINK this is what I thought at the time. Weird) and thus next would be like "The Lottery," with the whole sounding like you're voting for someone to do something positive and it ends up with their being (again, spoiler for any readers not in high school yet) stoned to death, albeit, unfortunately as it was Paul, not literally, even if I'd been right), so I wouldn't want to risk someone I wanted to remain in the game, even if I were in, say, Jess's shoes, and was assuming it would be Cody and thus voting for someone I wouldn't want to chance could give him a good fight (although based on upthread, it sounds like she DID vote for Paul, suggesting she either felt fully confident Cody would beat him AND thought it was a risk worth taking in case the loser was evicted OR she had my OTHER thought (which suggests the hammies had time to talk pre-voting, despite what we were shown): If I were a hammie--especially one likely to be voted for, due to my likelihood to compete well (Paul, Alex- were there any others named?)--and DIDN'T think about my dream possibility, I'd have made sure to let anyone I thought wanted a specific HG to return, I'd have convinced them (quietly) that I was gonna let that person win if she/he turned out to be my competition (again, missed 90-second chunks here and there, so if any of this was shown, I apologize: now that I rebooted Codybot 2.0 every piece of my stupid U-Verse hardware and it SEEMS to be showing/recording every minute of a program, I even went back to rewatch the key moments that were missed (namely The aforementioned voting, the time from Cody's Wicked Witch of the North America's United States Is The Bestest-esque appearance from the smoke until he was well in the lead, and anything after Jessica threw all her week's worth of Being All Alone successful socializing by running up to Cody like he'd just returned from months away on the front lines of life-risking Battle for Love of Country while she'd been at home, living happily independently and having fun with all the other military spouses who lived on base been a war-widow with nothing but a yellow ribbon for company, rest of the house and anything she'd convinced them, be damned, until Julie did her final bit), hoping my DVR was just playing Capture the American Flag with my missing minutes and now it would let me see them (as obviously, I 1) have no life and 2) believe my DVR is at least as independently sentient as Codybot), but, alas, they are gone. And then, if I did lose, I'd be sure to work the returning HG into believing I'd thrown it to them because I was hoping they'd return and want to work together. If Paul were half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be working that angle with Cody ASAP, rather than setting up the expected opposition from the start. It might be a hard sell, but esp. since Cody kicked his ass, it would be worth attempting. Cody might not buy it, but it might at least plant the seeds of "Don't come for me immediately."

Agree totally. I believe the one thing that's been proven reliable about our justice system has is that it is UNreliable (which is only a minor reason I think that Megan's Law is some jacked up shit, (and I'd be getting WAY off topic to delve into the greater ones, but, besides my own experiences, I have done lots of work as an advocate for and crisis counselor with children and women who've endured sexual and other abuse and trauma, so please just know that this, and further criticisms of this episode come from about as far from being, like, some pedophile sympathizer or something as possible). I DO think it's quite likely that this jackass was wrongfully convicted (and I normally think that lie detector tests are hogwash, but it WAS worthy of note to me that both his AND her tests supported such), but it's almost irrelevant for THIS context, inasmuch as how utterly ignorant this girl (I'd normally be complaining about a 22-year-old female person's being called a girl, but she sure wasn't acting like a woman, let alone a woman who should have been MORE mature after parenting for two years) was behaving about the situation (and whether he's a serial pedophile or a wrongly convicted man who's never even gotten a ticket, he was still a jackass). The more they argued his/their case, the worse they looked. But, what's the fun in picking at the guests when I have Dr. Phull-of-it and his bi-weekly statistics-manipulating chart that he's been busting out for longer than he had the Cowboys-HD-Screen-Sized Proof of Manhood, Professionalism, and Bullshit on which to project it: that damn slide of statistics about how many times likelier a child who comes from a home with one parent mom, unmarried but still together bio-parents, married non-bioparents, or the awful jezebel (bio? does this one matter? Gender clearly does; I've never seen him to use it to shame a single father)) who dares live with someone else, is to be sexually abused (THAN? Presumably The Most Open-Minded Person You'll Ever Meet means "more likely than those who live with their married bio-mom and bio-dad," but [and I will eat my words as the filling of my humble-pie here if I'm wrong, as it's possible I've missed it as I begin to seethe with rage the second he shows that thing) I'm pretty darn sure he never explicitly says this. Because, of course, that's his default norm. It's like referring to someone as a male nurse (but not his female colleague as a female nurse. Because, oh). But it's his manipulation of statistics that really set me off. In this case, sure, the young woman needed it drilled into her head that moving this guy in, with her child, after the entire two months she'd known him, was dumber than she is; more often, it seems like he uses it to shame or put likely unfounded fear into single mothers who can't do jackshit about achieving his "norm" status. But, correlation DOES NOT EQUAL causality (and sure as fuck not predictability). I admittedly have not researched these stats any further than the single slide of a 2001 PowerPoint presentation that Mysonjay probably first made for a junior high project warrants (although I have now cursed my inner stats nerd and will likely spend the next two days down the rabbit hole of doing so), but even assuming they're accurate (and I do believe that, as aggregates, they likely are (or were), based off of some study. Hell, I'll even give him the benefit of the doubt that it was a good study). Because it doesn't matter. He has never once used that slide to suggest that a truly causal relationship exists. There are a hell of a lot of factors that could account for a child's being more likely to be both from one of those categories AND a victim of abuse. (Hell, we could actually have the causality he implies backward in some cases: they could be in each of most of those categories BECAUSE of sexual abuse that occurred in their happy little heteronormative married parents' home). And, yeah, I have no doubt that a child who has a mom dumb enough to consider anyone, nevermind a lifetime-registry member (truly guilty or wrongfully convicted) as a suitable shackmate *after two months* is ALSO likely to be put in other higher-risk settings that may make her more easily preyed upon. She's still the same dumbass mom even if she dons a habit and "marries" Jesus, and is quite likely to still make other decisions that could up the odds. But a good single mother moving in with someone after an already well-established relationship doesn't inherently up the chances the child would be abused from those in the same situation signing a slip of paper that "promises" they'll stay togetheh forevah [and the I've Been Married to My Frankenstein's Monster for 32 47 Eleventy-Nine Years (so please disregard my previous marriage and DIVORCE, especially as it didn't yield children whom I thus put in FIVE TIMES AS MUCH DANGER by giving them a single mom) knows how much that legal (and presumably before his IhaveaclosesndpersonalrelationshipwithJesusChrist) sometimes means], inandof itself, isn't what changes that. GAAAAAHD. But, ok, maybe we ignore ALL of that, and assume the peer-reviewed, statistically valid, from highly respected researchers in the field and not from one of his side-hustle-centers-of-excellence (that was redundant) research actually shows causality, which is similarly linked among all other control factors at play (yeah, totes not possible: it's make-believe time, so play along). He still used those numbers to lie yesterday. Currently, that child is being raised by a single mother. Supposedly, this makes her 5x as likely to be sexuallly abused (than if she were in a "normal" home, I.e., if the bio father--whom I assume is not involved and/or a better parent, due to the grandparents' plan to fight for custody--showed up and Mommy and Daddy got themselves a courthouse stoop). He then pointed out that the shacking-up-with-any-male-without-like-documentation would change those odds to 20 times [the Cleaver scenario]. He then used those two "facts" to state that, if Dumdummommy were to move any dude in (not taking into account the known sex offender status), she'd be upping the chances of her daughter's being sexually abused TWENTY TIMES. NO. Based on his own data, she wouldn't; she'd be further upping them FOUR times. Her scarlet letter status, as per Phil, makes it 5 times (the "norm"). But she ain't getting that norm; kid's already at 5x. That IS her baseline now against which to explore other scenarios. Per Phil, if Mom shacks up (w/o a marriage certificate), it's 20x (the not-happened, not-happening "norm". Well, Phil actually didn't state this, as he never told us what kids in each grouping were more likely than ____, but if he's comparing each group to a DIFFERENT base, then someone just needs to throw a rock through his Giant Screen of Bad Graphics and Worse Handwriting, because then he might as well just be mixing and matching magnetic alphabets on a giant refrigerator): 20x more likely is just (not JUST, as in "not a lot," but comparatively to Phil's hyperbole and alternate factsbut, you know what I mean) four times that of her current status (of 5x). That sure as hell ain't nothing, but it's quite different from increasing it ANOTHER 20 times. And, as he also claimed that the statistic for a child living with married, non-bio parents was also 5x* the base *(unless I flipped that with both unmarried bio-parents: one was 9x and one was 5x, and I COULD be mixing them up), .*that child's* risk base starts at 5x even if the grands adopt (at best; if I flipped 'em, then the odds almost double by custody' going from dummom to the grandparents, which just shows how manipulative he's being with these numbers (and then, comparatively, she'd be just more than doubling the risk going from grandparents's to mom-and-partner, which is obviously still Not Good but far more accurate than Phil's foolishness). OR, we could ignore his entire set of statistics, dubious or not, and place the blame where it belongs: criminals could not violate children and women in the first place, and then Dr. Phil would have to keep his mom-blaming shit to those of Beautiful Out-of-Control Drug-Addicted Daughters (or occasionally Accomplished, Talented, Moocher, Drug-Addicted (usually adult) Sons). Certainly, it's not realistic, and most people try to engage in risk-reducing behaviors to avoid being the victim of a crime, whether it's locking our doors or living in the safest places we can afford (wonder how that contributing factor is accounted for in Dr. Phool's Slippery Slideshow of Sketchy Statistics) or, well, for women, everything from thinking through walking to our cars or homes at night to buddying up if we dare go out at night (fuck, he won't even leave his wife alone in his own audience of his own show when he can't see that she's still safely where he put her down last) to probably way more actions than Phil could even try to mansplain. But I'm so over the idea that it's irresponsible not to do so with nary a mention of the culpability of the offender.

I hope this isn't a feeds (well, BBAD, 'cause it's intententionally on there) spoiler, as it's not of much value, but I'm gonna tag it just because I'd rather be safe than sorry and hopefully it can be untagged if unnecessary, rather than needing to be tagged because I didn't, but:

Watching Julie interview Cody was like watching... well, I don't know if there's actually a movie with this plot; maybe an iPhone commercial where some kid on a skateboard makes ones?... but a story about two robots who, against all odds and logic, together bring out the [fabulously snarky] humanity in each other. Chenbot's took at least 15 seasons to develop [along with the release of her new face; I always know it's happened, but I am re-shocked whenever I see older footage of her, and all the more so when I realize how drastic a change it's been in a relatively short period of time. I was watching some clips earlier posted in the Feeds thread from Jessie's (Chima season) eviction, and I literally gasped], but put her with Codybot, and, paralleling the exponential rate of computer advancement, Cody developed his emotional capacity at seconds compared to her seasons. (Most noteworthy, I thought, was his admission that he was shocked not to be booed, and his lack of admission but ability to emote relief that [they filled the studio with scabs and] no one did. I've never considered myself a Luddite of any sort, but if the bringing together of one evolved bot and one mostly unevolved one can have that kind of effect--when the bot and the human being who spent 24 hours a day being "in love" with each other merely resulted in the human's joining the bot in cross-legged face-to-face forehead port data transfer--I think we as human beings should be *terrified*. I may not let my iPhone go near a Starbucks ever again!

Whenever I read about Jeff -- or any of the awesome comments as the above -- I can only think of the Shirley Jackson story. [semi-spoiler alert for the Teen Moms or anyone else who was too busy getting knocked up to go to seventh-grade English class (because their clearly documented intellectual curiosity obviously would lead them to immediately seek out an allusion to a work of literature with which they were unfamiliar, and that, coupled with their impressive inference skills, will now make the "surprise" ending totes obvious, and I hate to ruin that for them ;-) ) ] : Jeff would only be More Awesomer if his name were "Charles."

Okay, I'll admit that I haven't watched a Challenge in so long that Veronica is the only one I knew on the Reality side (and maybe CT? Which RW was he on?) so maybe I'm missing something, but: Now that they know the "twist" of the eliminations, what is the point of winning the team comps? Further, especially if you're of the same sex up for elimination that week, aren't you (as in everyone who is not a captain) better off LOSING, as you'll have already ensured one of the two people who will enter the elimination ISN'T you AND reduced the chances of YOUR going into the elimination as the second competitor (this week and next, for example, from 1 in 3 to 1 in 4? Which means that, if you're not-captain of the WINNING team, you ultimately have a 1/2 shot--assuming everyone's chance remains equal, which I suspect the Pros will drop REAL fast, but, still, 2 of the 4 others go in--whereas, on the losing team, as the capt had already been "marked," the remaining women only had 1 of 4 up for risk? So, the four female pros worked for the win, only to be rewarded with double the chance of being in the elimination round). Unless I have missed something, doesn't winning the group comp ONLY benefit the captain (and, I suppose, someone who is allied with him or her?) And, if you have allies, aren't you still better off sticking together as not-captains to better control the vote for second player? IOW, at least until a format change suggests otherwise, wouldn't the only logical strategy for this format be to make someone you want in the elims the captain and then throw the comp? I have to be missing something: hell, even Donald Trump got the logic of having the losing "captain" (team leader) and other two "elimination round" (final boardroom) competitors ONLY come from the LOSING team*). Am I just that uncompetitive that *I* can't grasp how much someone as competitive as these peeps couldn't grasp not trying to win (even if--sorry for the tortured metaphor--losing the battle is better, stragically, for winning the war), or is there something I missed regarding the rules that provides a benefit to anyone but the captain to work their asses off to get the win (besides, granted, to gain the trust that your team won't abandon you when YOU'RE the captain, just cause they want to help you earn money for your charity, again, ... while putting themselves at more than double the risk of ending up in the elimination round), or am I missing something else just logically? Or is this really as dumb a set-up as it appears to me? *Well, okay, just on The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice; I guess in his current reality show, I Wanna Be President (but, oh, shit, just like all those other "winners" who allegedly didn't know they had to pay taxes, I didn't know I'd have to do anything AFTER I won the game ), I guess he's also going for the Only the Winning Team Captain Actually "Wins"; for everyone else, both sides still lose strategy: perhaps one of Trump's former associates or family members got hired for the game design cabinet here, rather than someone with experience in game theory? Make MTV Great Again! (And start by building a wall for your loser-losers and winner-losers to punch through).

One of my favorite malapropisms to reuse mockingly comes from an old Judge Judy episodes, in which one of the complainants referred to her cat, who had a tendency to run out the door whenever she opened it, as "an escape goat." I literally laughed until I cried when I first heard this, and then I immediately adopted "escape goat kitty" to refer to my own cat who has similar escape artist propensities. (But only once I get her escape goat kitty ass back inside, lest some neighbor hear me and think *I* think it's actually correct. I'd much rather they hear me yelling for her to, "Get your damn ass out of that fucking tree and back inside our shithole apartment, you godamned fucker" because she has outsmarted me yet again and snuck out the door as I tried to leave than ... think that I'm stupid. Duh. ;-) ) So, when Nessa--whose credentials, I'll admit, I do not know, but has always struck me as dumber than dirt--said this, I was dying. I then spent more time contemplating which was the more egregious lexical crime, replacing "scape" with "escape," resulting in what could be more of a mispronunciation of a term that is otherwise at least used correctly (Nessa DID at least MEAN "scapegoat") OR replacing "artist" with "goat" (as the JJ woman presumably meant, hyperbolically, that her cat was an escape artist), ending up with a combo of an incorrectly used and nonexistent phrase, than I spent thinking about anything else wrt this episode/accompanying aftershow (except maybe why the episode descriptions, and practically scenes themselves) just seem like the writers now play jumble from previous eps/seasons: like how many episodes since Amber has gotten out of jell has some variant of "Amber [... is sad when, despite knowing the custody agreement, which hasn't changed in the last 52 quarter-seasons in which we've already seen this fucking subplot] Gary continues to try to provide stability for the daughter Amber legally endangered, neglected, chose a potential FIVE years of jell over, and, despite regaining a surprising level of visitation given her history, continues to be erratic and last minute about when she chooses not to exercise that gift and when she suddenly thinks the rest of the world should stop in its place because she feels like having a sleepover and She's A Good Mom (who is demonstrating this by using her weekday afternoon time she does have shoving three fast food meals at once down her kid's throat in the back of her car before heading home to get in bed and ask her kid if she wants to join her there to watch a movie, presumably vs spending those remaining few hours downstairs with almost-step[grand]dad Matt doesn't let Leah stay with her on a school night"? And, I don't have to ask how many times we've seen the Bentley/Ryan/whole-planet-except-for-any-peers-for-Bentley-because-their-parents-all-care-too-much-about-them-to-allow-them-to-be-filmed-even-in-full-Halloween-disguise go trick-or-treating, because I am hoping the answer to that is only equal to the number of Halloweens for which Binley has been alive, although it feels like they may stage this one semi-annually at this point. Maybe they've started doing Purim too). Ultimately, I've concluded that, all things being equal, the "escape goat" cat would be the greater transgression, but as I don't think all things ARE equal in this case--my expectations for Nessa's oratorical skills are not any higher than those of the average JJ participant, but they sure as hell SHOULD be-- I'ma vote Nessa the greater FAIL here, since, as you said, she's acting in (fsvo) the role of a broadcast journalist here, and there should be some sort of standards. Ya know, like Kail.

OK: I'm not gonna lie: I MIGHTA shed a tear or two at couch time. Now, for some people, being touched by the whole prayer thing might be a totally normal response; hell, I guess in lots of places, DOING the prayer thing might be a fairly normative experience. But I'm a (Jewish-raised) atheist from NY, and it wasn't until I moved down to FL (for realz moved, not Jose-moved) that I even experienced such public displays and expectations of religion (wherein religion= Christianity, match), and, especially when someone learns I'm sick (but for far smaller ... offenses ... as well), it seems like someone is constantly either offering to pray for me or telling me that I "need" to (pray to Jesus, etc.)*--something I try to take as the kind gesture I know it's generally meant to be but must admit am often offended by, both due to the assumption/presumption in general and, more specifically, as it relates to illness and disability (getting too off-topic here, but the short version is that it seems fairly offensive to me to imply that, well, if you just prayed more (read: were a better person), you wouldn't be suffering, and/or you are suffering because you don't). So, long story not short, my hackles were already up with this dude's constant God-pushing while simultaneously acknowledging he'd basically stalked this catfish across many hit-up ignorings, months, and pages, simply because she was hot (and I was also suspicious of his homophobia, although I'll grant that "If you like guys, why not holla at some guys" was fair enough, but, given that he already knew he was meeting a liar who didn't look like The Mask whom he'd all but stalked to talk to in the first place, 45 years ago or whatevs, his reiterated "embarrassment" made me think more of the Jenny Jones Show debacle than that his own dumbass (and creepy, imho) actions were finally dawning on him). But I was also, admitttedly, softening on how he'd handled Couch Time so far (maybe his "suggestions" were scripted, but I also think Max's words about "being the hero"--which actually sounded a lot less gross than when Dr. Phil says "someone" has to be (the hero), and that "someone" just so happens to ALWAYS be the dad in a het-couple-led family--actually did strike a chord with him and, after he'd de- JennyhomoPhonesified himself, juxtaposed with his God Is Good side over his Want Hot (female) Ass side to want to Do Good. Still, when he asked if he could pray for him, I admittedly 1) rolled my eyes even though I think it's a lot more respectful when someone asks and 2) assumed he meant, like, generically, as in, "while obviously I'm not gonna speak or send puppy emojis to your fat male ass again after I get outta this AirBnB (but why are we meeting here today but yesterday we were in some Section 8 backdoor with maleness-hiding plot device doorway stringies on The Doorway's Outside?!), but, like, I'll totally ask Jesus to make your life less shitty when I'm at church, since obvs your lack of doing so is what led it to be as such in the first place"... And, so, truth. The actual prayer? First of all, shocked me. It was not just free of judgment but was much closer to the "be with and support this person deal with what's what and may that lead to something hopefully less shitty" type of prayer that, at least personally, is the only type I've ever received that hasn't made me want to cause the pray-er the need for as much *hope* of healing as I have, and it seemed to really cover what Jose (who obvs was open to something more...explicit than I might be) needed, showing Danny really did get him/realized that he still HAD been talking to this person for eleventy years, once he'd had the night to help his Fear of Teh Gay wear off, and/or they've got a good priest on retainer to help with their scriptwriting. And, yeah, my icy, cold, evil heart melted, and the annoyance I expected, fuck, WANTED to feel gave way to something far more horrifying: touchingness (or whatever real word would describe this foreign emotion), and, then, even crazier, tears condensation from that momentary heart thaw were rolling down my face. Fo' real, if my cat hadn't been sleeping, I probably woulda been as embarrassed as homomomentia Danny. I was kind of relieved when I could dry 'em off so easily with all that air they got from all the rolling they did when the show ended by teaching me that being fat is no longer just one of the three greatest crimes a catfisher can commit, he can now repent this sin by [allegedly] losing weight by being filmed on an ab- roller at Four Months Later Time (at least Jose didn't have to have a sex change for having done the Catfish Crime double whammy of fat AND wrong sex. I guess he "lucked out" that he and Rosa/Natalie were similarly complectef, as I'm terrified to think of how our Feel Good ending would have shown-don't-[just]-tell-[before and after each commercial break] the resolution of god helps Jos who help themselves if he had, god forbid, also hit the third of the Hatfish: marked insecurity as to being darker skinned and thus picking a lighter mask! *I've learned that telling someone I'm Jewish usually shuts them up --whether it's because they truly believe a conversion would be a long and likely dead-end road or because they don't want to sound anti-Semitic by pushing it--even if they are clueless enough that I have to explain that Jews don't pray to Jesus (while maybe still thinking "Bitch going to hell," there IS at least enough awareness here that you don't publicly put Judaism, a privilege I realize many other religions currently lack), I have my suspicions--but I have found that if I say I'm an atheist, they think proselytizing is both fair game and called for (and for such types, I don't like to combine the two, as I think many who are that unaware and/or tone deaf already think Jews are "godless," so I worry about adding negatively to their misinformation)

Not only do I remember it, I got an amazing lease deal on a 2017 Hyundai Elantra this summer, and my primary hesitation about even looking at it was that I STILL hear that line* every damn time I hear the name of the car. As I couldn't very well admit that I didn't want to consider something (lest, something more affordable, esp. when my folks--who were helping me shop. I HATE that single women are treated so differently when it comes to car shopping, and I hate doing anything to feed into that, like Bringing A Man, but I've also learned the hard way that I WILL get a very different result, and, financially, it's just not a battle I can help fight right now, esp when the reality is that I can (and, previously, have) do all the research and go in sounding like I know my shit, but the reality is that neither cars nor negotiatiating are in my wheelhouse, whereas my stepdad is a great schmoozer and will get me a better deal /defensive- and guilty-bad-feminist)--know I couldn't care less about cars, as long as I will be comfortable and able to work around my disabilities with it) because of a (I was gonna say 20-, and I just realized it's gotta be WAY more than that, and I refuse to look it up*, whatever-year-old) TV show, so, we went before I had time to research a better reason not to, I ended up getting it, and I STILL hear that line every time I am looking for it in the parking lot. Which might make that the most effective* bit of product placement I've come across. *Or, apparently, counter-effective, since of course I couldn't stop myself, looked it up to find out just how old I really am close in age that episode and Nev's "kidult" mother-o-child are, and the line really IS as Max says?!?!?! I thought he was riffing off of it as, I swear, for 27 years (yeah, my friends, that episode was from 1990), I've been hearing it as "The Neeeew Elantra." Or, at least, somewhere along the way, it got switched in my brain, as (more Google-foo) the Elantra came out that year, and I don't even recall ever having heard of the Cadillac Alanté until Nev product pooped it last night. But, I also doubt I've ever been within sight of a real Cadillac, except maybe some old, souped up one with rims worth more than the car's Blue Book or something. Which means 1) I've wasted a whole lot of earwig time on a line that doesn't even exist that could have been devoted to songs I hate, instead; 2) I can no longer even half-believe that Max's line actually came from Max's brain (or at least at the time he said it), given the very quick chain that led from it to Nev's (awkward) Cadillac placement, which now has me wondering if 3) those hotel room expository scenes are COMPLETELY scripted. Clearly, the've always been highly set up, with fake production letters to read and points for Max and Nev to hit/images for them to create for fan girls makers of digital ephemera to screenshot, but as savvy/jaded as I normally think I am about these things, I hadn't thought their 1:1 interactions were fully scripted. But I guess the same poor-person brain who thought Kelly Bundy was bouncing her boobs about her lowly plastic piece of Elantra and didn't even know about cars in the 80s with cell phones, but which maybe I'd still prefer to the special type of cluelessness, like a Mr. Kidult Who Is Totes Older Than The Millenial Label He Desperately Seeks' claiming he's always wanted a long-discontinued Cadillac, that only a lifetime of unabashed privilege and not only lack of consequences but rewards for shithole behavior can bring, got the best of me. Oh well, at least now I can 1) join everyone else in their Nevhate (I never minded him until just now, but the more I hear him saying that line? HATE), and 2) maybe I won't hear any 90s-TV voices (not) talking about my car the next time I think I go to it.