methadonna

But, Kate would double-talk while trying to simultaneously claim that 1) the crew should have supported her because she needed to retaliate by due to the awful treatment she'd received and 2) it wasn't done out of any ill intentions because it was a joke!, "he's gay, so a little ol' towel like that? it's NOT really a GAG gift .... he can...take it." Hell, forget standing up for herself, also unlike Ben, with a silly stand-in like a floppy towel, Kate can't even get it up for herself. (Silly girls. Silly, bitchy girls. Silly bitches). Also, although the actual object may have lacked, well, legs as an insult [cum gag gift*], "[you/that] dick fold of a towel" is amazing as a kickass insult as a turn of phrase, and one even a Krusty Old Sailor like Cap'n Lee may never have heard. *double entendre not originally intended but spectacularly appreciated. What can I say, I, unlike Our Heroine, may not be a master, or even a top, but I take the material that just happens to fall into my lap ... with throes of ecstasy (like that).

I didn't really pay attention to the other team, so maybe they were "better," but this was the first time that I remember in the eleventy-billion episodes of this show that I was not just impressed by ALCD team's group performance but actually moved. I even went immediately rewound and watched it a second time, because I couldn't believe it, and I've NEVER done that (I *have* rewound and rewatched, occasionally, before, but only because seeing how they cut up and splice the [at least] two different performances cracks me up, and I like seeing where they did it so I can figure out exactly what kind of BS story they're gonna spin out of it. But, to rewatch because I was surprised by how moved I was by it? Yeah, not so much). Typically, when they do one of the more heavy-handed "theme" dances that causes Abby to wax prolific for years and years about how deep and meaningful they are, I end up ... well, laughing. I'm sorry, I know that sounds awful, and it's not at the girls but at how treacly it ends up coming across to me, probably due to a combination of a) their not having the maturity to present it convincingly (maturity, as in age and out-of-the-studio life experience, not a failure or shortcoming on their parts in anyway; I think that, with rare exception of prodigious acting talent, almost every child at that age would be just literally too young to portray the emotions convincingly, even if the material was excellent, which leads to point B) and b) the fact that Abby's (or ... calling all RHONY: whoever ghosts her choreo?) choreography isn't nearly as deep and meaningful as she believes it is, leading to a perfect storm of, well, what you get when all the little kids in the neighborhood put together what they think is a Really Deep Serious show, and you just have to watch it and bite your lip to keep from cracking up, because it's So Cute that they believe that it's Serious and Important and you love that they worked on it together like that, and one day, in ten or twenty years, you'll be able to tell them all about how they did this when they were little and thought they'd put on this superserious show about Serious Important Things and they'll also get that it ... wasn't. But, they were six and eight and nine, except maybe the one older kid who helped them and knew it wasn't quite all that but she is so sweet and loving and played along too, or, maybe, she did think it was, but she was 13. BUT ABBY ISN'T THIRTEEN AND STILL BELIEVES IT. And it's just all so sad, so then I don't want to laugh, because OMG she really believes in it. Even when, before they all die from the CONTAGIOUS TEXT MESSAGE that sends cooties to the driver or whatever the fuck is supposed to happen in that dance, since everyone but the driver is texting--two hands on the wheel, good job on that part, at least, but she's not texting, so it must be Death By Texting Proxy!--perhaps they should have called The Last Head Turn and Last Look Away from the Road? (but then they wouldn't have gotten the ATT product placement choreography)--they SPIN THE MAKE-BELIEVE STEERING WHEEL LIKE THEY'RE AT AN ARCADE OR ON A RIDE IN THE KIDDIE SECTION OF AN AMUSEMENT PARK and not even like a Six Flags kind of amusement park but like the Rye Playland/Carnies Come to Town/And-I-Would-Have-Gotten-Away-with-It-If-It-Weren't-for-You-Meddling-Kids kind of amusement park, and even the thirteen-year-old neighborhood kid would have known to tell the little kids how to make it look like HOW STEERING WHEELS ACTUALLY LOOK, or, maybe not, SINCE SHE ISN'T OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE, BUT ABBY IS, right? ABBY DRIVES?! So, she knows how to use a freaking steering wheel? So even if it's the ONLY piece of choreography she actually, physically could have demonstrated in her entire damned--as she'll tell you again and again--85-year-career,been-doing-this-since-she-popped-out-of-her-mother-womb-or-maybe-even-as-a-fetus, she could have said, "THIS is how you hold a make-believe air-steering-wheel so Methadonna doesn't have to laugh every time we do this damnass dance"? THIS is what they have given their childhoods up for? Or, god, the Where Have All the Children Gone, Gone to Choke Themselves, Everyone, When Will They Ever Learn? dance? 'Nuff sed. So, yeah, another Very Special Episodance, and I was waiting to see just what sort of cringe-y humor awaited. But, I might have, just might have, found myself brushing away a speck of dust or something in my eye. Which made me even sadder. Because, obvoiusly Abby didn't suddenly get better at choreographing shit. But the girls had something they obviously could easily connect to. Even if they couldn't all say, "I'M AFRAID OF YOU AND THIS SHOW AND EVERY DAMN IMPRINT ON MY SOUL I'M GOING TO BE FIGHTING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE," the connections were there in most of their stated fears. And they danced the shit out of them. And they moved me when they did. And that just made me sad as hell. AND, YET, I'M STILL WATCHING and adding to measurable buzz about it now by admitting it here so the monsters that allow this to continue? Will. Which means I can't really claim not to be one of them. And that? Also makes me pretty sad.

Oh, is THAT what the kids are calling it these days?

Since I'm still kind of laughing at myself and the result of one of the few gaps in my otherwise-vast reality TV literacy, I wanted to give everyone else the opportunity to laugh at me too: It wasn't until I read that article linked upthread that it occurred to me that the term "Guncles" actually was being used because this couple was already a known famewhore entity and that name had been given to them, specifically; I thought it was a snarky nickname of some sort that was just going above my head, like, maybe there was a cartoon with characters called The Guncles, and, duh, because EVERYONE who had ever seen it could see the obvious likeness (I mean, they ARE pretty cartoonish. Daddy Bull? At the least, if there is a cartoon about a leather bar, there is totally a character named that, who looks just like him, no?) and all just were using the name, without need for explanation, just as one might refer to the blue-haired Lynne on Game of Crownes as The Hideous Smurf Troll without need to specify that such a comparison comes about because Smurfs are blue-skinned and she is blue-hair[ed]/-[extensioned]. I thought that "Guncles" was just an allusion to something of which I was currently and tragically ignorant! Or maybe it was one of those terms that was just rising in RTV prominence, which I just hadnt been blessed to encounter yet, that was on that line between "I'm sooperdooper comfy and down w Teh Gayz" and "My relegation of My Gay Friend to token and/or pocket accessory status goes right past the stop for true acceptance and back around toward prejudice and othering," like the use of/"collect them all" friendship of "Gay Husband" by Real Housewives whose monetary wealth, once examined critically, becomes dubious as well. A term that seemed to be used by more and more of them, the faking of these true, deep friendships with men who were, natch, "their"--possessive, of course,--hair dressers or decorators or stylists, or creative-field-only-Jacks (Jackies? Ha ha ha, insert totes-fake laughter here, cos perpetuating only stereotypical imagery is always a hoot) of all trades following almost the same trajectories as faking their wealth. Never did these women have a "gay husband" (or, like normal people, a friend who was gay and) who was an athlete or a doctor, or--even though many of them really need them more than the stylists, et al--a lawyer. Or, a [former] TV executive. So, with Guncles, I wasn't sure what to think about what context clues were telling me was a term steeped in such conflicting meaning, but, I figured, even at its ickiest, "Gay Husband" was used with--at worst--a lack of critical thought but also only positive intentions, and, clearly, love and [fsvo] humor, and rolled with it. And so, as I read that article, and came across the background of The Guncles and Tori Spelling, and discovered that,no, that was just a name specific to These Two Guys -- that Using Context Clues (as I so often tell my students) only works if you don't pull the context out of your ass (um, ok, I don't actually say it quite like that... ). Well, not gonna lie, I'm still laughing at myself and how much thought I'd actually given to somethIng that didnt exist! (well, mostly... they/Tori/Tor's kids still are using Guncles and sharing it with the world, or the 46 people who watch her shows, at least, with all of the same good and bad baggage that comes that comes along with that. Unless they also have Suncles and Buncles? But, then, the Guncles were also keen on calling the male nanny a manny but certainly did not advocate referring to the female nannies as fannies, so, they don't seem to have concerns with maintaining and supporting paradigms, sexist or other. Whatevs, dudes.

jessied112 Yesterday. 11:23 pm ...was Frankie DRing that everyone would want him to backdoor Zach, without so much as a glimmer of the 12-year-old boy that had suddenly popped up in me apparently being in him. No, ew, you guys, if you also thought bad things about THAT LINE, then you have someone way sicker, um, IN you than an underage boy. No, stop it. Back to Frankie and wanting him to backdoor the I'm-straight/but[t] Zach...

Maybe it was because I had the CC on (which, BTW, consistently referred to it as the INTRANET<---perhaps they knew how far this virus would get?), but I had no problem understanding Arian and actually expected she'd get praised for finally [doing whatever it is Lenny gets praised for every week]. Conversely, I was expecting the "dating" one to be ripped apart. Of course, I was rooting for a better play on the whole "Mounds don't" part of the slogan , and have Dad not to be meeting the GUYS his daughters were dating, but, instead, after the Almond Joy boyfriend was introduced, firm handshake, etc., the other girl (I'd say Loreal, but you KNOW Sarah would beg to be the LUG!) could have introduced Mounds ..., all, "No, Dad, it's my girlfriend. You know, Almond Joy's got nuts?" ::ducks:: OK, maybe not want FN/Hershey wants, but at least there's a SHOT at its having some trait of viral-icity. Or, whatevs.