SnarkKitty

I love your rewritten description! The whole thing is hilarious, but Amber's criteria for what equals "the past" is my favorite part.

Matt better redo the math, more kids are added at every turn. Gary! Kudos, you fat bastard. You are only slightly higher on the suck scale then Amber, but damned if you didn't blow Matt's shit up with that "So you adore Leah, do you adore your own kids?" Dammit Tyler and Catelynn, one at a fucking time! You two twits were giving me a headache fighting to be the one to answer every damned thing, talking over one another the entire time. Butch. Bless your kids' hearts for thinking you're great just as you are, 'cause you're an embarrassment. Running down the prison drug trade like multiplication tables, no awareness of time and place whatsoever. At the least you could pronounce "heroin" as it's spelled, not like a multiple offender. "Her-on" is a dead giveaway. Oh Maci. Tucking yourself into the couch is not going to make that obvious belly go away. And allegedly you get engaged a couple of days later. Which means you allegedly learn you're pregnant three weeks after this appearance. Then announce looking like your water is about to break. By the by, Mace, why is one getting a "refilled prescription"? when you just claimed to be on Depo? How, Sway?? I really don't care when you got pregnant, but if you wanted to drink through it and not have anyone question you, you really should get your story straight. Dr. Drew = you're the worst.

Bingo. And this to me makes the most sense of every theory for why she behaves as she does. She loves and hates that they dote on Sophia, and she uses that love to punish them by threatening to cut them out. It also makes sense to me that it's the reason why she smiles when Sophia is so mean to them, up to and including hitting. She's her surrogate. Gold, Jerry! Gold!

It's so clear so many of these kids have coping issues. I don't know if it's just inherent in how their brains work, or they've been coddled like special snowflakes, but they are rude, disrespectful and downright spoiled. Snatching back phones and games when a parent takes them away? Telling them to be quiet, pushing, (faux) punching, ignoring, etc.? Not stopping something when told to stop? Oh HAYYLL no. No ma'am. Being smart isn't a license to be a brat. My kids may not have made it to the finals (or maybe they could have, I don't know how they test for the show) but they've certainly tested in the top 2% and at least one got perfect SAT scores. And if they even DREAMT about talking or behaving that way toward us, they'd better wake up and apologize.

[correcting my own post] Even better, he said "If there's a silver lining in all this, the good thing about this being over is now I get to worry about what's best for me, and that's to leave." Boom! Take THAT Miss Ashley, since the only thing she appreciated about David was how much he kissed her ass and catered to her. I haaaate "wifey!" When the hubs* wants to piss me off, he'll call me that. *Yeah, I know. :)

I didn't realize that Hedda Nussbaum was Natalie Nunn's mother...

They're trying too hard.

4 minutes in, and I'm here to say I HATE these new people. Can't stand them. Immediate dislike. Even though I eventually grew to like the Couchies I didn't much care for in their first seasons, I never flat out hated any of them. UNTIL NOW.

Leah had three pregnancies. Re whoever mentioned Chelsea would probably be supporting Adam like Maci is supporting Taylor - all signs point to yes. We all know Janelle takes care of her men. Is Kail the only one who takes instead of giving? There just doesn't seem to be any balance with these girls. But whatever, it's her money and her man; if she likes it, I love it, hopefully he'll stay with her and Ja(y)de, Bentley and little John McCain spend lots of time at Jen and Larry's so they'll be out of the line of fire when their drunken parents start fighting and accusing one another of ruining the other's life. Right before they start fighting about those damned t-shirts, AGAIN.

Watching the opening recap made me realize none of them have looked as good as the wedding day. Especially Sam. Damn, a little effort would go a long way y'all. Even newlyweds who dated try and keep up the facade after the marriage, especially if they never lived together beforehand. Vanessa's sister reinforced what her mother said. Girl is a brick wall to get through. Run, Tres! Normally, no Jaime is a blessing, and I'd advocate staying far away but this episode the editors are being *very* shady [WRT David and Ashley's discussion] and it's kinda awesome/hilarious. You wonder what marriage were these people in. Ewww, IK,R?? As soon as he did that I was gagging. I sincerely expected Ashley to stop him mid-speech and say "please put your arm down." I would have given her a total pass on that one.

Erika: I haven't changed much. Unless we're counting your (original) nose and lips, or the contacts and veneers, no. It's like Lisa is ... *waves hands* moving people around? Kinda like chess pieces? it's okay, you can say it. We already don't believe for a minute that you never watched the show before coming on. *giggle* Eileen - while I very much appreciate your taking Lisa on ... I have to agree, that was a reaching-ass move - "Maybe she thinks you're spinning a web because you never properly apologized in the Hamptons!" Yeah, that was it. Lisa called it out dead on. Kathryn - stop acting like you're so appalled to be "dragged" into drama. You love it, you couldn't look more excited when it's going on. I always appreciate when Kyle gets exasperated, she drops the niceties she starts going for the jugular a little more. Ha, chew on that, Yolanda. Yolanda is always dictating what people can say and do. She always throws me because she speaks exactly like my Dutch friend, who was my fr/enemy for a long while. Listening to Yolanda was worse than normal at that point. Lisa, just apologize and stop being such a fucking martyr. And you're the one being overly emotional Lisa, and kind of a bitch, too. Boo fucking hoo, you didn't get a card. You also didn't tell people, 'cause you didn't want a fuss, remember? But I do so appreciate you bringing up Brandi and the alcoholism accusation. Kudos! LisaR: You didn't do anything tonight, but I'm annoyed at you for going on that horrid Kardashian Kocktails show. I know you'll do anything, but damn, have you no shame??

* Wow, these girls can be bitches to these poor producers, amiright? I would *almost* feel sorry for them, but they created these monsters. So, enjoy! * Simon: Stop playing, you're not buying that girl a ring at any point. How much did Farrah pay/promise you to carry out this part of the storyline? * Hey Amb, we just want you to catch up with Crystal, aka talk about what you've already talked about, in a way that is clear it's not the first time. But thanks for that look at exactly how it's done. Oh, and if you don't want your shitty editing to be SUPER obvious (as opposed to just obvious), maybe don't run episodes back-to-back wherein Amber is wearing the exact same outfit and Matt has the exact same drinks in front of him as he did in the previous episode, which was allegedly a week or two prior. Mmkaythanks. * Ryan has to be the A-#1 in the Obviously Prompted to Talk with Random Person by Producer Olympics. But Ryan was funny this episode: "Who all was there?" "Uh, the thick kid, and the really uncoordinated kid, and then some little small kid." * Gary wants that money so bad Leah's bags were half packed before the words were out of his mouth. Funny, no concern about Matt, or Amber getting up, or getting her to school .. just, poof! All gone. He and Christina/Kristina were practically salivating. * Sofia needs to stop hitting people. But not until she either a) hits some kid and they knock out another tooth, b) she mollywops her mother a good one upside the head, making her realize her kid hits people, or c) all the above. (Psst, I'm hoping for C, don't tell anyone). * Hey, trashy Baltierras and company - maybe if y'all didn't have such a terrible co-dependent, abusive, Appalachian Brady relationships that landed Butch in jail again, your whole family could be in the same place at once. April, you could have taken 4 hours and given Butch a measly hour, you own part of the clusterfuck that is your family dynamic too. Poor Butch. Missed every cake occasion, doesn't know the smashing is at the wedding, not the 1st birthday. * Kim: "Isn't it crazy Butch can't come until April leaves?" Subtext: "Whew, glad my ass isn't mixed up in that mess anymore, I ain't got to go nowhere - party over here, whoop whoop!" LOL. * Matt - WTF do YOU know about co-parenting???? STFU! I'm so sick of his shit, just ever word out his mouth makes my skin crawl. * Arrgh, these people are infuriating with their pissing, crapping animals. None of them know nothing about training ANY of their pets, and Amber is basically training those puppies to go everywhere, period. Crates, people. Tile floors, people. Baby gates. X-pens. Come on!! Pads placed in a big-assed open carpeted house = shit and piss all over the carpeted house. Ugh, how nasty, and you know they just towel off the top. Yuck.

I'm late but ... * Tom Girardi looks like a real life Cotton Hill. * That dog is too big to not be better trained; she shouldn't have to drag him by his collar the whole time guests are at the door. * If you actually have a library, you should know it's not a liberry. * I'm tired of seeing that drab, aged and badly decorated mansion Bravo. Not much sadder than an aging pop star whose idea of FUN!! is "boys and beer." * Her "shows" are artistic and beautiful? Cotton must have cataracts. And telling her to STFU was RUDE. * We talk about how these women treat gay men like accessories ... at some point you have to stop putting it on them, when said men gladly jump into that role. * That said ... Erika's probably THE most annoying Ho' in her complete objectification of the gay men who surround her. They looked like fucking puppies she trained to walk behind her during the barbeque? carnival? set up. Then all the posing to fawning accolades.They should have a little pride in how they represent themselves, but then it's a paycheck. I guess. What's the gay version of Hollywood Shuffle? * Hey Erika, instead of screaming "Tell her who said it!" why not advise your friend to "let it go," "don't take it on, then if it's not true?" You're showing more and more your feet of clay. And also why you roll with Yolanda - you're both hypocrites. *"I'm all about integrity." Yolanda, sit yo ass down. Black Mamba, I'm mad at you for that profile pic.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

http://www.bustle.com/articles/142524-yolanda-foster-is-changing-her-name-back-to-hadid-its-just-one-change-of-many Odds that if she didn't have Gigi making the name trend, she'd stay the ex-Mrs. David Foster? 0%, IMO.

Now, I don't think there's any reason Maci and Taylor can't clean their house and do laundry, but hell, if they won't/don't want to, hire someone! I know all kinds of people, including a housewife ('cause all the kids were in school, so no SAHM anymore) who had someone come in once a week. In fact, once I started asking around, all kinds of friends came out the woodwork to "admit" they had someone come every other week or so and they loved it. I've never had anyone clean my home but me, but when I'm all done with some renovations that are on pause, I'm going to look into it. I don't clean my husband's room or bathroom, and they need a .. ahem ... stronger hand than he's giving them. And he's perfectly happy to pay someone because his time is more valuable. That's what the hell money is for, if you've got it, use it for what makes your life better. Pay someone to clean your house, you'll both be happier. Kind of - he was telling her all about it, and she was "uh huh, yeah" and going to town on those nails -- and Tyler called her out, LOL. He said he was basically spilling his guts, and she's barely listening and messing with her nails! How meta. I think there have been lots of fights about his lack of ambition and failure to properly care for Bentley over the years, that probably has led to some estrangement that Jen doesn't want to repeat, especially being an only child. Larry has gone in on Ryan hard in previous years, barely holding back for the camera. Now it's obvious whenever he's getting heated, Jen will step in - this episode you clearly see her put her hand on his, before Larry gives up during the "communicate" conversation. Ha! You probably missed my previous post where I wished the two of them could be on the same show. Two enter, only one exits, lol. Because Farrah is smart enough to hire help. Not a chance in hell she cleans her own house.

Maybe, but it doesn't explain the photos afterwards with a fan where she's got a beer and a belly, and not from the beer. And other Instagram photos posted by fans from the same time where beers and cigs exist that Maci didn't post on her own IG. She sure would have - she practically did. She missed having a second child with Adam not because she was smart and did her best to avoid it, but because she lucked out. I don't give points for that. I recall Chelsea having bought him the first truck, and Randy objecting to a new one. And Chelsea for sure was supporting him, that's what a lot of their fights were about in the earlier years. Chelsea had been, and would have kept supporting Adam even as he got his own Teen Mom money.

There's absolutely no reason to assume that they're doing the same things today that they were SIX YEARS AGO ... back then they were uneducated, full of grand ideas but no action, and just coming off having a baby girl. They're nothing like that now! Hey now! Yes, they are weirdly old and I am here for all the doily and old folks home snark. But! MAYBE they were so sick of babe, baby, sweetie, we, um they decided Honey was sweet and not annoying. I'm just sayin'. *cough* #defensively When my youngest son was in kindergarten, his teacher asked "What's your mother's name?" He said "Mommy." "No, I mean what does your father call her?" "Honey."

Huh. So Bug Ear voted for Darnell; guess those strings didn't tug hard enough. Drops the mask, but rows the boat and pushes it into second place vs taps out of the puzzle and does nothing at camp ... yeah, I hate a stupid first vote, therefore I now hope Brawn loses and the bodybuilder survives to the merge. Aww, disappointed we didn't get to see girlie show us how she gets those puzzles to lay down for her like a lover. :/

Sam & Neil. Dammit they got me. I'm kinda rooting for these two crazy kids. I finally know why they were matched - she loves anything with owls on it, and Neil looks like an owl.

GK, it was a snapchat that she posted and deleted, but it was grabbed. I've given her the benefit of the doubt, and she likes to claim because she has black friends she can't be racist, but she has said some things that definitely make it clear she believes she's superior to those she hangs and procreates with. There's no longer any doubt that she's "that girl," who surrounds herself with these people, and as soon as she gets pissed, she's right there with some derogatory shit on her lips. And the nerve, after doing her best to emulate "nappy headed girls" by getting herself a fake ass. I hope she gets dragged for filth.

Maci, Farrah and Amber should thank Kail, she's about take the spotlight off them. She's put her foot in it again and her racially suspect ass might have really run her mouth too much this time. http://forums.previously.tv/topic/14438-kailyn-kail-smash/page-29#entry1964417

Talk your way out of this one, Kail. *SMH* http://mtvteenmomthings.tumblr.com/post/139195263042/lastweekonteenmom-lastweekonteenmom-who-are

Huh. amber-portwood-fiance-teen-mom-og-splits-from-matthew-baier-2016-breakup-video.htm Not as juicy as the title, but interesting tidbits nonetheless. With receipts Minding these girls' business has been a great procrastination to actually doing my own work. But alas, it's time, as there are no MTeeVee checks for me. :/

I get that Maci sucks, but who doesn't visit their kid when he's having surgery/after he's had surgery? Gotta call total bullshit on Ryan's claim not to know about the surgery. Clearly Larry and Jen were talking to Bentley the night before, were well aware he had to go into the hospital in the morning, and would be out of school for a week. And I doubt Jen didn't share that info with Ryan somehow. He certainly knew it was happening, he just claimed he couldn't be there because no one spoonfed him the details, then carried him there on gossamer wings. Also calling bullshit that he only cuts Maci off when she tries to talk about something other than Bentley. Rlly' Rahn'? Have you seen yourself? And yet he had none of that concern when he broke up with Christina, who was doing all the heavy Leah lifting when Amber wasn't there. Back then he was claiming his breakup hurt Leah the most. And then after they got back together, he still kept Kristina waiting (pathetically, IMO) as he bounced back and forth between his "feelings" for Amber and whether she'd be allowed to stay or had to go. No concern a'tall, even after claiming that first breakup hurt Leah "the most." That was set to be a far bigger loss since she was already calling her "mommy," and treating her kid like a sister. These assholes perform for the camera like the audience doesn't have a memory (or access to Twitter).