laurakaye

Did my eyes deceive me - either her brown leather couch has a design on it or the leather is peeling off. Fantastic way to sell your house, Janelle - have people walk in and see raggedy pieces of Frito-grease-stained furniture that THEY would have to drag out and burn. THIS times a million. I started hating him from the second the show opened showing him bending over, scrunching his stupid weave with a diffuser. LIKE WE CARE. I don't know about y'all but I was NOT waiting on pins and needles trying to figure out how to style my hair just like Kodoof Brown. THEN he starts doing his trademarked "rush around and pretend that I am oh so busy but in reality I am just dodging as much actual physical work as I possibly can while air-drying my crunchy perm." Meanwhile, his wives are packing (well, Janelle is just standing there wishing her crap would spontaneously combust so she wouldn't have to get up), his kids' hearts are breaking, and he has the audacity to complain about how he can't handle any more questions...such as "why are we moving??!" I think he loves to stir up this kind of chaos to avoid the fact that his wives all hate each other and his kids are leaving him one by one and not looking back. I can't even go into that stupid moronic 136-room mansion that Kody had drawn up. But it's so typical of him to draw up the plans and THEN think about whether or not Flagstaff wants a hideous ginormous compound built in Coyote Pass. Zoning laws are so silly anyway. Just another way to show us how persecuted they are! Props to Gabe for shading Janelle hard in his interview..."yeah, ask my mom about me. She's totally the one who knows what's in my head." I loved it. And I don't blame him for one second for walking out on Kody. If Gabe is indeed the one that "feels the most" per Janelle, then it's super great parenting to tease and provoke him while discussing something that he clearly doesn't want to do. #FreeGabe

One minute into this episode and I already loathe Kody with the fire of a thousand suns.

This could be true, but she's got Logan and Michelle posting photos of the amazing meals they cook - you would think that Janelle could look to them as an example of how not to be afraid of any food that grows in the dirt. And surely her $6,000 "Strive" health-coach online classes briefly tossed a mention or two about how vegetables are good for you? She's so odd. Also, why did she feel the need to apologize for Axel's hair in the photo? No one wakes up from sleep with camera-ready hair, including toddlers. Why did she have to tell us that his head sweats? She's. SO. ODD.

Well, it's no fun for Kody if he's only got the one wifey to play with. I think he gets his jollies when he's with all four of them and he gets to watch them all shoot daggers out their eyes at each other due to their jealousy issues. That's what gets his motor runningk.

What will forever drive me crazy about the names Christine gave her kids is that she managed to get a "Y" into everyone's names using creative spelling (Aspyn, Mykelti, Gwendlyn, Truely) but NOT HER SON'S name for which a "Y" would've made perfect sense (it should be PaYdon, not PaEdon)! Crazy, I tell you!

It is particularly handy to use the aforementioned soap and shampoo after one has Soul-Cycled or hot yoga'd in sausage-casing leggings (with or without camel-toe) and a two-sizes too-small sports bra that pushes the fat down and out. Also, wash the clothes. Please.

I only found out last night that the person I thought was Aurora is actually Julie. Or Julia. And there's a dark-haired guy who is usually seen talking to Gavin and I can't even recall his name at all. Could be Ron, Victoria, Gavin, the dark-haired guy whose name I don't know....the problem with EOE is that I still don't have a grasp on who any of the main players are that are still in the game. Instead, we are treated to Reem's hate-o-meter going up to eleven, 147 confessionals from Aubrey, and Keith taking half a day deciding on whether to stand up or sit down.

I know, right? I would think canned cabbage would be slimy, stinky, and cause massive bloating - and she fed an entire can to her grandchild. But! But! Breading and deep-frying vegetables makes them interesting!

How many freaking times do we have to hear about how much Janelle loathes vegetables unless they're "interesting?" Shut up already, we get it, you won't eat your broccoli unless it's been coated in peanut butter and boiled in bacon grease. (waits patiently for Mahamid to get to work on Janelle's latest deep thoughts...........)

Wasn't he sitting on the floor playing with Legos and being a toddler while in Hawaii, too? Also he made all 57 family members stand at attention while he tried to direct how everyone parked their cars at a restaurant, he allowed his family to set up camp on the beach and then directed everyone to move to another location, etc. Basically if he's not the center of attention at any family gatherings, he'll find an assholic way to do so.

I stopped liking him when he stood at the signposts for two hours after being voted out, trying to decide which way to go. I personally wouldn't last three days on Survivor, but if you're lucky enough to be cast, you'd better really want it - otherwise back out and give someone else a chance. THIS. Except skip the chicken. I am hoping against hope that Season 40 blows our minds with bringing back a simple, straightforward game with less random twists. I don't even need immunity idols! And THIS TOO. Geez, we had to watch each EOE member tell their life stories, watch Aubrey sob to the point of making me uncomfortable, only to hear Probst say - "Hahaha! Gotcha! Now get back to that bleak, bug-infested, climb the mountain for one spoonful of rice, random advantage-having island, you rascals!" Talk about LAME. Keith I understood because he can't make a decision to save his life, and never should've been cast in the first place (see rant above). Wendy, on the other hand, had been on EOE for a shorter time and seemed to be having no real issues - in fact, she seemed oddly jovial and thrilled to be waving good-bye to Survivor. It made no sense to me, especially - as others have pointed out - there was zero lead-up to them leaving. I am 99.9% sure that there have never been notches before. And everyone constructed their poles with the notch at the correct end, which - unless they were given a heads-up by Probst - seems like a reach when you're trying to get that thing put together as fast as you can. I guess I am rooting for Wentworth to win? Even though she's extra salty this season? I don't know, I either don't like/can't identify/hate the gameplay of everyone else.

That's what I thought too (hello Meri's boobage!), and there's that creepy pesky dude on the far right again. So who are the normal-looking guys with Meri? Husbands of consultants? As none of them are wearing drunk ladybug shirts with possessed clown-patterned shorts, one must assume that they are not LLN consultants themselves. What I actually love is the positioning of Meri with two guys to her left and two to her right...just like the couch configuration of the Browns on Sister Wives! Kody is either gnashing his teeth in outrage or he doesn't even realize that Meri is on a cruise.

This part was weird - why was there a watch in the time capsule? And why did it belong to Sol, who was a baby when the Browns made this stupid capsule? I mean, why would anyone put a working watch in a time capsule and then declare that it belonged to a child? Unless it was like a Barney watch or something, I wasn't paying that close of attention (even though I was the recapper, LOL).

So when Mona told the Kodester that his houses would surely sell within a month of listing them......hahahahahahahaha

I could read that paragraph 3,156 times and still not understand it. Their fam'ly trees are covered with silly string.

I heartily apologize for re-quoting these hideous photos but I have lots of questions...so many questions........ There's Pudge but where's Sludge?? Is Pudge on the cruise solo? Surely if Sludge were there Meri would've chased her down for a photo op? Are Maddie and Pudge seriously such good salespeople that they got invited on the cruise, or does Meri (who's clearly a top seller) get to bring along her minions? Who's the rando with his mouth open in the third photo? Is he screaming from the fumes of mildewed polyester that envelope him everywhere he goes? Was Meri trying to stop him from jumping off the boat when he realized that this cruise that he saved up for was filled with women wearing demonic chihuahua leggings and skirts pattered after the intestinal tracts of water buffalo? The dude with the short hair....a consultant's husband, maybe? But he's really creepy. And also a wee too familiar with Meri. Yuck. And also, gross. The last photo - BWAHAHAHAHA. I think that we could each blindfold ourselves, walk into the nearest second-hand shop, pull four items blindly off the racks, put them on and STILL look more color-coordinated than these LLN consultants! And the guy stepping out looking snazzy in his blue flecked shirt combined with purple and black checked shorts...you guys, if Meri weren't in the picture I'd think I was looking at an SNL skit.

I'm sure that within his imaginary castle, he has designed his own underground bunker complete with secret passageways, 80-inch flat screen tv, king-sized bed and his own shooting range for when he needs to, you know, get away from all those pesky hormonal women.

This is the very best description of these people that I have ever heard, and it's 100% true. If it wasn't clear who is now getting the most visits from Lil' Kody - after that scene, it's as clear as day. I just love how the wives have gone from wearing long-sleeved sausage casing shirts under tank tops because modesty, to swearing and talking about stripper moves. Kody's leadership at work there, y'all. And I think about how much gunk would be caked under her fingernails if she ran her hands down her cheeks. I'll be shallow right there with you. Because unless I'm mistaken (and I don't think I am), Robyn is a stealth bitch who erases her history at will, manipulated Meri into divorcing Kody, and deviously planned this move to Flagstaff along with Kody once she realized that Dayton would be going to college near there. I don't believe any of her tears. She is acting, she always has. Watch an old episode and see who does most of the talking about the family - it's Robyn. She thinks she knows things about the family and the kids from before she joined the family herself, and the other wives just sit there and let her babble. When she says "we shoulda all been together from Day One," what she means is "I should've been with you all from Day One, running this show and directing Kody to do my bidding. And now that's exactly what I'm doing." She's evil.

Did I hear Kody telling Dawn King that in his version of Brown Towers, he will need yet another master bedroom for when Dayton comes home? So Dawn has to draw up a plan with five master bedrooms, four kitchens, one giant kitchen for when the wives decide that they can cook mock-tapioca without killing each other, as well as four separate kitchens for when they want their space? And Flagstaff will be cool with this gigantic compound being built? Hahaha, what a doof.

Recap of this thrilling episode.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Thank you, @suomi and @Kyanight - this is fascinating stuff. The bolded sentence packs a punch. Wow. So the mainstream ignores the stigma of polygamy but they believe in it regarding the afterlife? How does that work?

I seem to recall Christine also breathlessly gushing over how FT was the "Mykelti Whisperer" or something revolting like that, so her gushing knows no limits. So far, the Browns have married off Maddie (was going to finish school, got pregnant, joined the cult of LuLaNo and is expecting Baby #2), Mykelti (who married a dude who delighted in beating her in effigy, and quite her banking job to jump on board the LuLaCrap train) and now Aspyn (who just wants some red-headed babies and to be an only wife but......yeah). Well done, Browns! Bravo!

I got stressed out just reading this. I am sitting nearby with popcorn and cheap chardonnay for when this ship finally sinks.

So what would be the purpose of baptizing someone into the Mormon faith after they've passed? Is it really because the Mormons can claim that they've saved non-Mormon souls in the afterlife? I'm trying to wrap my head around why it makes sense to "baptize" a deceased person into a faith they clearly did not follow while they were alive. Do people get "credit" for how many souls they can gather? Is there a ceremony for each baptism? So many questions, probably most without logical answers.

Do the consultants have to pay for their own cruise? Is this something they are pressured into attending or is it a reward for shilling the most crap?