Oldernowiser

If it is a TLC spinoff, Jinger better sleep with both eyes open. Neither Jessa nor Michelle is going to take this sudden dethroning well.

Okay so I’m spending much too much time on this, but it’s got to be a TLC spinoff he’s dangling in front of the church honchos. TLC is thinking Beverly Hillbillies remake (“Look, Baaabe! They have a cement pond!”), now with more scripture. Nothing else makes any sense unless he does have a pile of inherited money somewhere.

People in LA are pretty celebrity-proof. There are A-listers buying Red Bulls at 7-11s...who’s going to get up on a Sunday to go see a F-list-adjacent preach? Some uber Christians might go...once. But that boy isn’t putting butts in the seats or money in the plates on any long term basis, no matter how cute his kid is.

JerJer better sleep with one eye open. I doubt the other guys at the seminary school (those with actual intellectual ability and preaching skills) are going to be too happy having this Duggar-come-lately sail in believing he’s got this all sewn up.

I’m not rooting for them to fail. I AM rooting for a reality check for every one of these Duggar 2.0 couples to help them figure out that their parents’ freakish good fortune in having TLC fund their lunacy is no guarantee for them if they perpetuate it. I’d like to see at least some of them end up working nine hours a day and dealing with limited time and limited budgets like the vast majority of people their age...not to mention deadlines, irrational bosses, traffic jams, health care expenses...you know, real life.

Are they in for a big old shock...talk about heathens, gays, liberals, and wrong-kind-of-Christians... Not to mention just a couple of tiny little famewhore fish in an extremely large pond. (I would pay big money to watch him try out the masturbation sermon in an LA church even once.)

So that’s roughly 77 grams of sugar and 5400 mg of sodium. Say 1/4 recipe per serving...the sugar content per serving is just under a regular Snickers candy bar and the sodium is equivalent to 8 1 oz bags of potato chips. Mmmmm good.

I love those Sam photos. “FFS, MOTHER, enough with the stupid photos already. And what’s with yet another night of white flour for dinner? Whole grains are an actual thing. Look it up.” Free Samuel!

Holy shit. It’s been thirteen years and everyone is pretty much posting exactly what we do here. With the obvious exception of Smuggar being “hot,” which I’m choosing to believe was a post by Anna using as alias.

Damn, people. I was eating dinner. Okay, so I never had children but is posting their potty experiences out to the world now normal?

Girl...that dress looks like a box. Get a belt. The only thing that can even remotely redeem it is having some hint of a waist.

I learn so much here! I have to wonder how much of this stuff their fundie followers would actually buy. With a few exceptions, these are people with big families and one income who theoretically tithe to their churches. That doesn’t leave a ton of money for Jessa clothes, no matter how cheaply made. So their hate followers sure aren’t going to buy, their sheeples can’t afford to buy, and I don’t see how a small clothing company has any real marketing budget to begin with. Tough to see how the Churchdashians are making any real money this way.

Sudden thought...what if the neighbor was gay and that’s why he divorced? Michelle, he looked right through you. Get over yourself.

Love me some CSNY... Yet another paraphrase... Marry in haste OR repent at leisure. (In their case, it’s more like “and/or” but what do I really know. Maybe she’s genuinely happy. As we used to say in climbing school, “No brain means no headache.”

Honey, they would have to pay me to sit through any of that. I have no words for how pathetic, delusional and narcissistic it is that Michelle is still trotting out that bikini story.

You are all such a precious blessing to me! Today for my birthday we dumped off our non-existent children at somebody’s house (not entirely sure whose) and we date-nighted by sitting on the same side of the table and simultaneously holding hands and eating a beige food-like substance. We then purposed to share a straw to consume 647 grams of sugar in a free brown semi-solid dessert beverage-like substance. Yay!!! #bestbirthdayevah #soblessed #randommeaninglesshashtag (In reality I turned down Mr. Wiser’s offer of a dinner out and instead we spent the day at a nursery loading up on new plants. And you all made me laugh and it was a lovely day. Thanks!)

As I am excusing myself from all respectable behavior today, I will point out that that awful shirt: 1) hits her in the broadest part of her hips and makes them look huge; 2) somehow makes her shoulders look weirdly narrow; 3) has those old-lady sleeves that cover up the batwings but are otherwise completely unflattering (and note that I am an old lady and wouldn’t wear this on a drunken bet). Ahhh. I feel better.

🤣🤣🤣 Best part of my whole birthday except it made me spit water all over my iPad.. Thank you!!!!

Okay, so today I turned 61, so I thought I would write a couple of thousand words about how I am wonderful and brave and godly and an inspiration to so many. Just kidding.

But you actually are valued and words seem to be all Jill gets. Derrick doesn’t seem to give a rusty damn about anyone except in what benefit they provide to him. The idea of loving someone because of who they are doesn’t seem to break through his colorful candy coating of total self-absorption. Deeds, not words. They both throw around hashtags about how bestevah their spouse is, but has Derrick ever posted anything about Jill as a human being? Cooking him meals, raising his children, kissing his ego...yes. But how about I love it when she laughs? Or I love that she believes in me despite all evidence to the contrary? This latest essay of “how great am I” fails to even provide Jill with the usual lip service. I feel bad for her, too.

Um...did anyone ASK? JFC, if he was half as fascinating as he thinks he is, that’s still ten times as fascinating as he really is. So, to summarize: I am All That. My wife isn’t. The End. (If I were Jill I’d be pissed. But my guess is she pretended to read it, simpered at her headship and resumed staring at the fluffy clouds that live in her head.

It’s my current belief that every time her click count drops she posts another “Blessed Mommy’s Cream O’Crap Casserole” recipe just to get the horror clicks. Nobody otherwise is this clueless...right?

the disrespect to actual food

I wonder if the difference between being a public hate-spewer (Derrick school of ministry) and a private hate-spewer (Jeremy school of ministry) doesn’t just boil down to one thing: TLC. Derrick is out and scratching along. Jer is in and living large in his own Metro Minister road show. (Which might make Derrick slightly less of a hypocrite, albeit still a nasty piece of work.)

He knows he’s one pink dye job away from being another wig...