Oldernowiser

Don’t they get tired of making shit up? Lying is exhausting. Why not just say this vendor has this service and I think it’s cool? (Okay, I don’t but they do, supposedly, but you get the point...) Nobody lies as consistently as this crowd of Bible wavers and I’m pretty sure that’s a top ten no no if they open that book.

Okay, JB, say you marry that one person. Then, just for example, suppose that one person dies tragically in a freak accident involving an elliptical machine, a long denim skirt, and a Starbucks vente. Is that person still the only one and therefore JB will have to tie it in a knot for the rest of his life? Or does dying immediately disqualify one from being the one? So many questions...

There is no way in blue hell Jill is editing Derrick’s work. None. Although I could see him handing her three pages of anything to “read” just to pry her off his shoulder for an hour.

I have more muscle in my upper arms than he does. And I’m old and female.

Please oh please oh please tell me they didn’t get a puppy.

I couldn’t talk nonstop for an hour and forty-five minutes if it meant my life. It takes some amazing arrogance to assume they’re that interesting. OTOH, Austin has moved up a notch in my esteem. If he rebelled once, he can rebel again.

Gunpoint?

Actually, I suspect she was all “tl;dr” after the third sentence.

It really ages him to a remarkable degree. He looks like Grandpa took the baby to the park after a round of golf.

His answer will be a bunch of weasel words that boil down to “pray harder because God obviously likes us much better than He likes you, duh.”

Well, there’s no way he’s going to say, “it’s the money my wife earned.” He would have to turn in his Fundie Headship Testicles. I wonder if he isn’t still training for marathons, which they’ve always been oddly quiet about. Although where he’d have the time I don’t know if his law school program is real. But it would account for his gaunt appearance, maybe. I don’t like him and think he’s a liar and a creep, but the boy looks really ill.

It’s the day AFTER Mother’s Day...NO DUGGAR PREGNANCY WAS ANNOUNCED. It’s a miracle...

It’s still miles ahead of anything Shill Jill has modeled: 1) It fits. 2) It’s not a wrinkled mess. 3) She looks cute in it and has a genuine smile on her face. 4) She’s not cringing away from the sun blasting into her eyes. 5) The background seems thoughtfully chosen. (Lest you fear I’ve gone soft in my old age, I will point out that there is no such thing as “1 bottoms.” )

Okay, here’s the thing. I have a soft spot for Josiah because I think he’s a gay man trapped in a nightmare he can’t leave. So my Duggar Dial isn’t automatically cranked all the way to “despise” where he’s concerned. Given the kind of relentless brainwashing they’ve both had, this is actually very sweet. He’s trying to comfort her. Not even a cold-hearted uber cynic like me can hate on that, regardless of how whackadoodle the beliefs behind it are.

Golly gee whiz, Derrick, you were right!!! She IS gifted!!!!! Snort.

Was so distracted by MOTY’s hideous denim jacket making yet another appearance that I missed that perfect WTAF face on Sam. That boy has one great bullshit detector.

Jill, I have graded your work and while your slavering suckup score is very high, I’ve had to significantly lower your grade for not mentioning God, Godly, Jesus, Christ or Savior even once. (Hint for next time: just equate your mother to the mother of Jesus...that’ll start things rolling.) So Jill...C+ Better work next time, yes?

Does it really cut off right after “eternal”? Because I am having a little too much fun imagining a lightning bolt just then...

Tell THEM not everyone else, FFS. It’s probably my age talking in part but posting stuff like this just seems like grateful brag, if there is such a thing. “Look at what a great son and husband I am! I wrote all these words!”

Hmmm...if it’s an upscale subdivision (or was), I’m wondering if there might not be some covenants on how the property is used and maintained. We have half of a two-lot subdivision in a semi-rural area and there are quite a few restrictions. Of course, unless someone in the subdivision attempts to enforce the covenants, they’re moot, really. Ask my asshole neighbor who has blatantly violated the covenants for years but is the first to scream about them when it comes to others (meaning us). I keep hoping he’ll sell as he has claimed he was going to do for the two years we’ve lived here because otherwise we’re going to have to get a lawyer and combat his harassment. I can see JB being exactly like that...doing whatever he wants and daring someone to try to stop him.

If Satan were to come in with a full-price, no contingency cash offer (meaning no home inspections, for example) and Jim Bob refuses to sell it to them, technically they could have grounds for legal action if he continues to list it for sale. But that’s sledding up hill in most places, let alone Duggarville. The Satans would have to prove damage for any kind of civil action (in most states) and proving religious discrimination would be even harder than usual given the hypothetical example 😀. Not sure that being Satan would be a protected class in Arkansas! Is a church considered commercial for zoning laws or do they get the same free ride as for taxes?

I doubt he’d care. If it put that kind of money in his pocket he’d sell to Mr. and Mrs. Beelzebub and the imps and walk away gloating.

It did cross my mind that JB might have a specific target or targets in the Fundie community for that Blunderdome. Maybe someone who’s some special blend of Old Testament dietary laws (hence the separate kitchens), Gothard procreation habits and child storage (dorms not rooms) and end-times paranoia (the gun safe room). First, it scares me to think someone like that might be out there AND they have that kind of money, because as we all know, money is power. But if he did have a buyer in mind, why wouldn’t he sell it directly? He’d save a big chunk of cash and not have to torture involve the realtor. It still makes no sense. ETA: I hope we’re doing that realtor a favor by driving up her hits. Now she can say, “JB, we’ve had ten times the traffic on your listing than any other in this price range and zero showings. Lower the price.”

Derrick, the second you ask people to donate their hard-earned money to your half-assed pseudo cause, you lose the “my money is none of your business” card. Arrogant putz.

How long has the Reverend Fancypants been around? JimBob bought this back in 2014, right? I don’t know how this fits with the Jinger courtship timeline? However, it’s the best theory yet. Still doesn’t explain the kitchens that never end unless organized religion has a lot more food involved than I remember. Does JimBob have enough pull locally to change the zoning? Given what we’ve seen of Fancypants’ pastoring abilities, the lack of parking wouldn’t be a problem.