Season One Talk: Come Enjoy Half a BBQ Cow!

[bmoore4026]

I know the new season doesn't start until the end of June, but I thought I'd get this thread started and we can discuss our favorite moments from the first season like...like...well, Mike Vogel's cute.

[David T. Cole]

Title edited, I assume that's a TWoP thread thing but it's just confusing in this context where people might be looking for part 1. Thanks!

Edited April 3, 2014 by David T. Cole
English is hard.

[bmoore4026]

Title edited, I assume that's a TWoP thread thing but it's just confusing in this content where people might be looking for part 1. Thanks!

Right.  Sorry about that.  Still new and don't know the works yet.

[David T. Cole]

No worries!

Here's to season one, the season that gave us Innie and Outie, the cow halves and Mini Dome, the little dome that could.

[morgankobi]

Oh, god, the cow!

I look forward to hate-watching season 2 and not being subject to that thing being sliced in half at the top of each episode. (Please!)

[bmoore4026]

Hee! "Innie and Outie"!  I love it!

[David T. Cole]

Oh yeah Innie and Outie talk and everything you know!

You should check out our season one coverage, it got pretty dumb like the show. My favorite piece is the rules of UTD one.

[Joystickenvy]

Drug fiend pastor vs the house made of matchsticks is still my favorite season one moment, followed by pink stars, purple domes, black eggs and magical synchronized seizures!

And after binge watching Breaking Bad between seasons, I can appreciate Big Jim even more in season 2!

[morgankobi]

... pink stars, purple domes, black eggs and magical synchronized seizures!

"They're magically delicious!"

[maraleia]

A place to discuss particular episodes, arcs and moments from the Under The Dome's first season. Please remember this isn't a complete catch-all topic -- check out the forum for current episode threads, character topics and other places for show-related talk.

Edited May 3, 2014 by stacey

[Gudzilla]

The highlight for me was Junior's mother's artwork, I bought replicas to hang on my refrigerator.

[Snookums]

So, 'twas recommended by shapeshifter that I start a S1 topic thread in order for my impressions of said S1 to enjoy a home that is popular and neat and all my friends will hang out here. I'm taking my post of impressions of the first three episodes from Small Talk to here and will continue to cover the rest of S1 in a very general fashion in prep for S2.

 

Please oh please join me!

Here we go:

 

Okay, so I've started mainlining Season One in prep for snarking Season Two. I've watched the first three episodes (counting the Pilot) so far.

First impressions:

Okayyyy...interesting opening. The cows clearly have a vendetta against all mankind and Male Barbie in particular.

Junior is really good at dopey sex face. Junior is also clearly an unmedicated psychotic. How the hell did he get admitted to a school anywhere? Or any institution that doesn't list Thorazine: The Ins and Outs as a big part of its curriculum? (Don't get me wrong, dude's hot. But anybody spending five minutes around this guy is going to get an urgent message from the part of their brain that deals with fight or flight.)

Okay, they are really, disturbingly proud of that sliced in half cow thing. STOP SHOWING THE SLICED IN HALF COW WE GET THAT YOU LIKE HANNIBAL.

That rev is juggling a lot of balls: Spiritual leader, apparent undertaker/local autopsy-ist, drug runner. I don't blame him for having a little chemical perk me up now and again, but perhaps he's not the guy to send on delicate illegal errands? Especially since he apparently doesn't get how fire works?

Ooop, redhead! That means Moral Ambiguity! Bet she's a reporter--hah, I win! Give me cookies! She and Male Barbie are getting along like a house afire (oh, too soon?)--too bad about that husband killing thing. Though Husband sounded like a tool, anyway.

New Sheriff is holding up pretty well considering all the horrible violent death she's seen at close quarters in the last 48 hours. Not to mention having to shoot the nutso colleague who doesn't understand how ricochet works. Her hair stays in a bun really really well.

That was two women held captive by cray-cray men in three episodes. This bodes ill.

Water and sunlight apparently get through the Dome so far. So maybe somebody might start working on ultraviolet light?

Love the detail of the survival shelter being used for storage. Very nice. Suitcase to the face!

Any building covered with antlers is a building you do not want to enter.

Okay, really? With the rapey jock asshole? Stephen, you have got to let this trope go.

Lesbian couple with troubled daughter aren't having the best week.

Nobody seems to be mentioning the whole prophetic seizure thing to anybody in authority.

OMFG THE BLACK GUY GOT SHOT??? FOR REALS? IT COULDN'T BE THE PRAY AWAY THE GAY ASSHOLE?

That's pretty much it so far...

Edited June 20, 2014 by Snookums
moved post to the proper thread and used your subtitle for said thread

[Desperately Random]

Moved my comment here since it was in response to Snookums comment.

 

Snookums. you're just getting started. The thing about the first season of UTD is it started out with some promise of being a decent show and then proceeded to reward its faithful viewers by slapping us in the face with the stupid. It started out slow and built up until we were reeling from the face palming and the WTFuckery the show gleefully assaulted us with week after week.

In other words Snookums, enjoy the ride, you've only got a taste of what's in store for you.

Loved your take on the show and I am so glad you're here with us. This show needs all the snark it can get.

[Camera One]

The show started out as a decent guilty pleasure.  The main problem right from the start were the characters acting stupid, like the kidnapped girl, but at least there was some intelligence like Joe trying to figure out the source of the Dome, and Linda at least trying to keep order, and the town was reacting to logical problems which would result from a Dome suddenly appearing.

 

The show started to derail when they stopped doing that, and brought in Maxine and the fight club, turning the show from dealing with survival and investigation of the Dome, to contrived methods of generating conflict.  It also didn't help when characters like Joe and Linda had their brains turned off and they started killing off genuinely likeable characters for plot purposes (eg. diabetic mom, diner owner, Dodie).  I know showrunners love to pride themselves on raising the stakes with death, but when you kill off the only likeable characters, it made me not want to watch anymore.  

 

By the end of the season, it was just so convoluted and ridiculous (Julia as the guardian of the Dome?) and unbelievable (Barbie's execution) that I'm not sure if the show can even recover.  It really got *that* bad by the end of the season.

[bmoore4026]

The whole thing makes me wonder what the ratings for the coming season are going to be like.

[Totale]

I think they roped a lot of people in (including myself) who thought it would be a typical Stevie TV adaptation mini-series, with a beginning, middle and end.  I was stuck halfway in before I found out they intended this as a continuing series, which was coincidentally right about when it started to go off the rails.  Now I'll start hatewatching series 2 in retailiation for the trick they played on me, ready to bail at any time if the amusement side of the teeter-totter spends too much time up in the air, held down by the stoopid side.

[Snookums]

Okay, next batch of episodes! This should cover Outbreak, Blue on Blue, The Endless Thirst  and Imperfect Circles. Again, just general impressions.

 

Suspicious Red Reporter is suspicious! Male Barbie's cool with it though, just asks for a ride into town since she's heading to the radio station. Speaking of, what's going on with Electric Genius gal? She's not in this at all! Considering she's the only one who can pick up any info from the outside world I hope she's not laying dead on the floor next to her rig.

 

Angry crowd time! The military seems to be pulling out--maybe they want to try that new Denny's. Luckily, Sheriff Linda is here! Unluckily, so is Drug Addict Nutjob Preacher! Geez, how many unmedicated delusional psychotics are running around this place??? Also, I must know how this guy is apparently head of the biggest church in town and not the shack down by the river housing the splinter group that split off from the speaking in tongues snake handlers for being too mainstream. Why is anybody listening to this guy? EVER? 

 

"It's been three days and no answers, folks are getting scared." GETTING? That famous New England stoicism must run a lot deeper than I thought. I'd assume there'd be rioting and general murder and mayhem by this time, especially with only one cop left. Whoops, who just collapsed! Well, I'm sure it's nothing. 

 

James "Perfectly Normal, Of Course I Blink, You're Just Not Watching" Jr. Heads down to his little concrete bunker. He announces to Angie that he's brought her some comfortable clothes. Gee, thanks. Considering she's been peeing and shitting in a corner for three days in an enclosed space, plus that chain is around the ankle of her jeans, those probably will come in handy.

 

Jesus, if there's anything less attractive than a nutjob holding you prisoner, it's a nutjob who wants to relive your JUNIOR prom. That is just Advanced Loser Grad Course, right there.  I totally do not blame Angie for stabbing him! Too bad it deflected. Well, she can try on that dress, I guess. Nothing like the Hostage Diet to get you back in your HS junior prom gown, amirite gals?

 

Red Reporter is very curious about how her husband's car came to be at the DJ's trailer but DJ will have to wait until he's done passing out to answer.

 

Moms are hauling their brat daughter and her hapless new consort to the hospital (say, didn't they collapse with that dual seizure last night? And it's now like 10 am? What was Not Shrink Mom doing all that time?) to get workups. The nurse looks amused at the idea of an MRI machine lying around a small country hospital and explains they're actually "fresh outta doctors", since one's away, one's dead and one's apparently out hanging around Antler Cabin. Nurse then looks at Shrink Mom and asks what kind of doc she is and NS Mom says, defensively, that she's a psychiatrist, "but she did her internship in medicine."

 

SCREEEECH to a halt here. A psychiatrist is a MEDICAL DOCTOR. A medical doctor "doing an internship in medicine" is like saying a fine chef specializes in "food" or a writer specializes in "sentences." Jesus Christ, we have the internet now, there is no excuse for that kind of tone deaf line.  GAAHHHH.

 

Junior hasn't seen Angie! He said so to Angie's brother, who takes the hint from his Seriously Crazy Eyes and moves on.

 

Lots of people passing out! Big Jim sends Junior to help Barbie. Yeahhhhh.... nooooo..... 

 

Ominous music as we leave the hospital. Back the bunker, where Angie is proving the adage "Things can always get worse" to be horribly true. At least she gets a bath, I guess.

 

All this shit happened BEFORE THE CREDITS. 

 

Shrink Mom (who is apparently named Alex) is testing the kids but is hauled away by Big Jim into a delightful scene of piles of sick people. Red confronts Barbie about what the hell's going with her missing husband and the DJ and shit but conveniently gets all woozy as Barbie runs quickly in the opposite direction. Cots to set up, you know!

 

Hey, Mrs. Moore! I'm sure you will be fine. It's only Meningitis WAIT WAT.

 

These people need antibiotics and OF FUCKING COURSE THIS FUCKING HOSPITAL DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH. What the hell do they usually treat around here? What do they use? Casting runes and mustard plasters?

 

Big Jim and Barbie head off to the pharmacy and leave Junior in charge with a shotgun. Oh, good. There is NO WAY this will go wrong.

 

Angie's not getting any drier.

 

Red confronts DJ who has one of those convenient hallucinations where you give up valuable information instead of saying "the green penguin stole my ice cream." Red heads off to break quarantine and spread a highly infectious and deadly disease thither and yon. You do you, girl!

 

Somebody's already had that raid the pharmacy idea, shit! Aw, man, they even took all the flu shots!

 

Linda's temp is spiking. For some reason the nurse and Alex and Mrs Moore have this touching discussion about Mrs. M giving up the dose to Linda even though that is the only medically logical and ethical thing to do. Let's just hope the dilly dally didn't allow Linda's brain to get damaged by that 104 degree fever.

 

More EMPs taking people into the clinic. Say, aren't they exposed now? Who's going to drive the ambulances to pick up more sick people? Way to go Junior! Well, he was distracted by Red giving him sad puppy eyes trying to get out and gleefully telling her all about the cabin on Sparrow Lane. Junior, you are Eagle Scout material. He doesn't let her leave, though, so I guess that's something.

 

Red heads right to her husband's office (which in a nice touch, is the white painted cinderblock cell of depression that you'd expect from a tiny little hospital that contains no medical equipment of any kind) (also love the pic of her and him in better days on the desk. That is one hilariously bad photoshop job. It looks like they got that taken in front of a Sears photo backdrop) and gets his key card, which she uses to head right out a locked door and into an totally unprotected populace. Hey, she's not the one who took a Hippocratic oath, okay?

 

Deaf Druggie FUCKING INSANE Preacher is preparing to burn all the drugs he stole from the pharmacy because OF COURSE HE IS (seriously, what the hell do you have to do in this town to get a 51/50 hold?) but luckily he's just starting when Big Jim and Barbie show up and call him a Goddamn lunatic, toss him aside and take all the drugs back. Well, that was a cul de sac that could been avoided, since they leave the guy, whom they caught red handed and ranting about God's will that the people who are sick die, free as bird! Don't haul his ass to a cell or lock him in his basement, don't inform anybody! I know they're on a schedule but how in the name of utterly misquoted Jesus did Big Jim look at this guy and think "perfect partner for my shady drug scheme" in the first damn place??? HOW?

 

Back to Linda and Mrs. Moore. We know what's coming. Yep, she kicks it but not before installing a little bit more guilt into Linda for living when so many around her have gone down. Yaaaaay! 

 

Red's at The Cabin (Former owner, John Smith, the World's Most Unoriginal Man). She looks askance.

 

Riot in the clinic talked down by Junior and witnessed by Linda. I guess the sun can shine on any dog's ass for a minute or two. Do kinda wish Pray Away the Gay guy had rushed him, though. Serve him right to take a plug in the stomach.

 

Red finds incriminating papers and passes out. She hallucinates her husband saying he'll talk to her soon. Not as comforting as she might have thought it to be before finding this place.

 

Brat daughter is taking selfies. Good, leave lots of embarrassing evidence of that dye job and eyebrow hackery for your future children to mock you with. She says she and What's his Name should test this seizure thing by touching again. WHN proves he's geek to the core by saying they need to record it. Doesn't work until it does.

 

Unloading antibiotics.

 

Angie's really, truly done washing her clothes now. Hello? 

 

Barbie extracts info from DJ. How is it that he's freely allowed in and out of the clinic?

 

The kids come to and watch their videos. Say, can they put that on YouTube? Because not only would that be a way to communicate with the outside world, they would get like ten gajillion hits. The video shows the "pink stars falling in lines" stuff, plus WHN gives a "shhh" gesture to the camera. Sigh, there's nothing more romantic then secret seizures!

 

Barbie goes to the cabin and fetches Red back to the clinic. Later in her lovely private room (while everybody else in town gets to lie on cots in the hallway--Doctor's Wife gets mad privileges, yo!) she tells Barbie she knows that her husband took all their money and he tells her yeah, he works for this guy who tends to collect lots of money from in over their heads morons like her husband. It's all very bond-y and nice until she asks what happened, she just wants to know and he says um, he probably ran off. He totally is not buried in the woods at all, totally not that.

 

He says he's sorry but Red's not having it. "I let you stay in my house!" (um, technically it's the bank's house now, but  point made.) Dude, she put clean sheets on the guest room bed for you and everything. Man, when she finds out about everything he's sorry for she's probably going to present him with an indignant bill. 

 

Well, that pesky epidemic seems to have cleared up! Not Shrink Mom even has enough time to steal insulin but Alex talks her out of it and promises everything will be fine and they'll get out of here. Guessing that will prove inaccurate.

 

Aw, dammit, Sheriff Linda did get brain damage! She proves it by deputizing JUNIOR. Junior looks like the kind of kid who shouldn't be allowed to have scissors being handed a pair of garden shears. 

 

Big Jim's home for the night, looking forward to a well earned milk-and-Scotch cocktail when Crazy Reverend pops up to return the filthy lucre of his share of the drug money and walk away from this dirty business. Big Jim rightly points out it's a little late for that, CRAZY PERSON, but Rev says it's never too late to repent, and anyway he's safe as houses because Jim can't hurt him without revealing his own malfeasance. I hate it when batshit crazy smug assholes are right.

 

Angie apparently hears this from underground  through that speaker thingy and starts screaming for help. Jim hears her through the sink (okay) and goes down to find her huddled up on a cot, soaking wet and terrified. Not to add to her troubles but she really should have been treading water or drowned by now. Junior's got some 'splaining to do! Maybe he can hypnotize them with his new Deputy badge!

 

Onward!

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Blue on Blue. What a nice title, maybe they'll play some jazz at the radio station.

 

Okay, the kids are named Norrie and Joe. Joe's dragged Norrie out of bed to show her something (not that, you pervs. She's from LA, it wouldn't impress her anyway) and they convo about how they're receivers for the dome but getting too close together statics them up. Oh, here's the surprise; Monarch butterflies!

 

Norrie is thrilled as Joe geeks out about how it's not even the right time of year for them (maybe not the most relevant fact right now, dude) and Norrie gushes this truly horrid line that maybe the dome is a cocoon and this means they'll all get to be something new. Seriously, this poor actress, Streep couldn't do anything with that line. Joe further establishes his romantic stud credentials by saying that most caterpillars get eaten before they even get to be butterflies. Smooth as butter, Rico Suave. (Also, by the by, monarchs tend to be avoided by birds at all stages of their life cycle because the milkweed they feed on makes them highly toxic. SCIENCE!) Norrie throws some eyeroll but she can't get too snarky after that cocoon line, so both of them just gaze at the mesh of beautiful butterflies.

 

Say, speaking of! Angie's tat, along with the rest of her, would truly like to be hell and gone out of this bunker hellhole the Big Jim APPARENTLY LEFT HER IN ALL NIGHT (so this is where Junior gets it!) but the more she begs Jim to let her go, the more panicked he gets about his position and his kid and long story short, he leaves her in there again! It's a tradition! He's wearing a nice blue polo, though. Thematic.

 

Big Jim's day takes even more of a hard turn downward when Crazy Preacher shows up to chat about his latest revelation, "Moab." Jim speaks for the entire audience when he tells Reverend to stay the hell away from him. If you'd locked him up for stealing those drugs yesterday you would not be dealing with this right now, Jim. I'm just saying.

 

Ahah, so that hearing aid is actually talking to Rev! I'm sure this will lead to nothing but good and rational things.

 

Barbie wakes up in his car (still on Joe's property) and hears the kids gushing about the butterflies. He approaches and at his touch they part to reveal not only an unusually friendly soldier, but busses filled with the loved ones of Chester's Mill who were treacherously at the Dennys or whatever when the dome came down! Barbie questions why the military is letting civilians anywhere near the dome and Norrie joyfully says it's Visitor's Day, like at camp! This ain't good.

 

This show gets a helluva lot done before the opening credits.

 

Red's announcing that there's official confirmation that everybody can see their loved ones at the bridge. I picture lots of crying, pressing of body parts against the barrier and shrieks of "YOU BASTARD WHY DID YOU GO TO THE DENNYS WITHOUT ME."

 

Big Jim's remembering better days when Junior walks in all uniformed up! Jim says they need to talks and Jr thinks it's about the announcement. Immediately, Big Jim totally forgets poor terrified, soaking wet, on her way to hypothermia Angie to think about crowd control. Man, the men of this family are task oriented. Jim orders Junior to recruit more people to secure things. Junior tries to go out to the bunker first but Big Jim rises up, shows his tusks and slaps his flippers together until Junior sulkily acquiesces. This family's Christmases must be the stuff of Hallmark movies.

 

Joe and Norrie head to the bridge with the rest of a very calm crowd. You'd think there'd be more roiling and snarling in general on both sides.

 

Linda's back to work and recruits Barbie for crowd control so cameras and such  don't blow up. Good idea except she runs right past the barrier when she sees her fiance. So much for leading by example. Smooches! Man, the actors must have felt dumb frenching that plexiglass.

 

Red and DJ listen to chatter that is CLEARLY about a nuclear bomb but they are apparently the last people on earth who have never seen a movie and thus don't know what "payday" means. Red's all excited about Peter showing up (remember, she doesn't know he's dead) and DJ is squirming with discomfort until she reassures him that she knows about the gambling but that was before. He's got to show up now, right? DJ squirms like a snake in too tight pants and says yep, sure, you bet, say, I'm gonna grab us some Ben and Jerrys and two spoons for no reason. 

 

That tablet SHOULD BE BLOWING UP, out of shame at sporting a headline reading "Dome-mestic Disturbance" if nothing else.

 

Joe's searching the crowd for Angie when Norrie spots a well dressed LA type holding up a sign with her name on it. What the hell?

 

The hell indeed! For LA type introduces himself via notebook paper as Michael, her father! I hope this guy isn't in show business because he has the worst timing EVAR. Norrie won't believe it but Michael holds up baby pics as well as one of him and Alex! Woah!

 

Hooray, Reverend Crazy's here to bellow lunacy in all directions! Jim shows up because shutting this whackadoodle down is apparently his new career. They have one of those expository convos where each tells the other shit they already know for the benefit of the audience and Rev winds up with telling Big Jim that he's got one day to come clean about his sins or he and his holy hearing aid will do it for him. I'll bet Angie's eager to chime in too, if she can get so dry clothes first. Ugh, cold wet chafey denim.

 

DJ (whose name is Phil, apparently) spots his sister, but Red's still all alone. Awww. Linda tactfully asks if she's seen her husband yet and is still all bubbly about her Dome makeout session in front of the entire populace.

 

Oh, right, Fiance's brother got shot. Yeah, I'd hold off on mentioning that.

 

Norrie's moms show up just in time to really step in it. Norrie runs off. I really can't blame her for this one. 

 

Red's called a truce with Barbie to talk about her husband and asks him to keep an eye out for the guy. Barbie is all I can show you exactly where he is if you want but he won't be saying much and I'm really tired of sleeping in my car.

 

Red spots a woman she clearly knows and the woman holds up a letter. The print's too small to read but it doesn't look like good news. 

 

Hmmm, apparently that woman was Red's sister (and these actresses could not look more unalike unless one of them was a unicorn) and Doc Husband RatFink Liarpants sent her a letter to tell her to tell Red that she deserves better. Um, okay, even without all this Dome bullshit that is a very convoluted way to tell somebody oops I lost all our money and am leaving you. I don't blame Red for being unimpressed. 

 

Aw, poor woman doesn't get to get close to her son! Barbie's trying to gently pull her away when Junior swaggers up, along with some rando extra who doesn't get a uniform but just a badge on her sweater. Barbie can hardly hold back his chortling.

 

Sheriff Linda demonstrates excellent crowd control once again by AGAIN crossing the barrier to tell Fiance about how his brother went on a sudden blind date with a ricochet bullet and it didn't end well. 

 

Norrie is sad and Joe cheers her up under a bridge. 

 

Oh good, Skater Friend is here (how are he and Joe friends?) and says China almost nuked them and shit.  Hey, that dog's still hanging around.

 

Dodie only gets a couple minutes with a loved one's who is using ASL,  but that's enough for Barbie. He asks if she can read lips, then hauls he over to a group of soldiers and flashes what's clearly a recognizable insignia. The resulting conversation isn't comforting. Bombs be comin' down.

 

Red (Julia) freaks everybody the hell out and tells them to get to the cement pond (factory, whatever.)

 

Big Jim frees Angie, who doesn't immediately bash him in the nuts and run but stays to hear all about Junior's misunderstood childhood. It doesn't matter anyhow since they're all gonna die. Angie is JUST ABOUT DONE WITH THIS CRAP RIGHT HERE  and takes off running.

 

Julia drinks and looks at the picture of her biggest mistake.

 

Cement works. Man, those generators must run on air and butterflies, there's electricity everywhere. Julie finds Barbie and he says this isn't going to work. She knows. She asks about Dodie and that there shiny piece of tin he flashed to get the soldiers talking. Off the record, she swears, just you and me. Well, he does kinda owe her. 

 

Time for dinner, be right back!

Edited June 23, 2014 by Snookums

[bmoore4026]

Keep these coming, Snookums!  These are a hoot!

[Desperately Random]

Great as always Snookums.  I hate to tell you this but you are still at the episodes that were tolerable in their stupidity. The truly Craptastic episodes are still to come. You'll know you've gotten there as soon as you meet Maxine. (Played by Natalie Zea from The Following. Symmetry!) It's a toss up whether she is dumber and more annoying here than she was as Claire.

Your entire recap was funny as hell but my favorite was this:

Junior tries to go out to the bunker first but Big Jim rises up, shows his tusks and slaps his flippers together until Junior sulkily acquiesces. This family's Christmases must be the stuff of Hallmark movies.

 

Maybe it was because I pictured Dean Norris doing that but I couldn't stop laughing. I'm still laughing.

Looking forward to to the rest.

[Snookums]

Okay, last half of Blue on Blue, brought to you by Thermobaric Bomb! ( I think Thermobaric Bomb is military speak for "not nuclear, no, but pretty much just as fucked up.")

 

So we left Julia quizzing Barbie (Curses on the exec who must have killed naming Julia's character Kendra! CURSES, I SAY!) about that coin and the nice soldier who informed them of their impending doom, and Barbie tells a pretty seriously fucked up story about how that guy probably thinks he's a hero because of the official story of what his platoon did in Iraq, but what actually happened was a bunch of friendly fire and having to rescue a captured soldier that his squad got captured in the first place. "Maybe I deserve to go out this way", he concludes. "More friendly fire." Gee, really? This is all about you? Well, thanks for stopping by my hometown and getting me all these absurdly calm extras to play the inadvertent Greek chorus to your little tragedy!

 

Junior pulls up to his house in an official cop car to match his uniform and heads to the shelter, but is frozen in place by the sound of Big Jim, using his "you are in SERIOUS TROUBLE" voice that only parents can summon, asking what he's doing. "Dad, what are you doing here?" asks Junior. WELL, YOU ONLY LEFT FIVE MINUTES AGO AND HE WAS THERE THEN, GENIUS. Big Jim summons the last remaining shreds of patience and politely insists Junior go first.  Junior stutters out a few words about hiding in the shelter (you can see the race going on between his expression and his brain) and Jim finally, abruptly loses patience with this crap and says he knows about Angie and he let her go.

 

WHAT? shrieks Junior, who clearly majored in Missing The Damn Point at college. Dad, how could you? I was taking care of her! I would feed her and walk her and everything! He flings himself back into his car and takes off as Jim cries after him to wait, they can talk this out! No. No, you cannot talk this out, Jim. It is waaaaaay past time for you to wake up here. When your kid is holding people hostage in your bomb shelter that time is past and gone.

 

DJ Phil and Dodie are having a frankly time wasting conversation as Phil sets up One Last Song to broadcast (are they really going to be able to pick that up underground?) and Dodie's all hurry up! Hurry up! Phil points out that nothing's probably going to help (And unless this town is a lot smaller then it looks there's no way these two are going to get to the shelter in time anyway.). Dodie asks incredulously that this is the end? and Phil hipsters back that in thirteen minutes they find out. Well, maybe in the future you won't cut setting up It's The End Of The World As We Know It quite so close, hmmmm, PHIL? 
 

Angie bursts into her house and runs shrieking through it, trying to find her family and into her bedroom and BOOM! JUNIOR! God, I am so sick of this kid and his paranoia and his hate crush and how nobody will call out him and the Reverend as total fucking lunatics. I mean okay, maybe with the Reverend it's a more recent development with Meth+Dome=Nutbag, but Junior has clearly been two short of a six pack for years, and apparently the entire town has been colluding to just pretend they don't notice anything amiss! Unless Big Jim got everybody in Chester's Mill high as balls on meth, coaxed them into an orgy, filmed the entire proceedings and is holding it over their collective heads there is no excuse for letting things get to this extreme. Angie agrees with me as we go to break.

 

And we're back! The nice thing about Netflix is there aren't any breaks, we just barrel on into the next absurdity. In this case it's Big Jim thinking over his life choices in the tunnel as everybody stands around calmly chatting like they're at a PTA meeting and not about to be mass murdered. Sheriff Linda comes in with a couple more extras and tells Jim she thinks they've rounded up all the stragglers. She asks where Junior is. Where indeed, Junior's superior officer who gave him civic power and a gun and turned him loose and apparently isn't keeping track of him?

 

Jim says he's just tying up a few loose ends and Linda heads out to do the same. Hope you guys won Fast Knot Tying badges in Weebelos because you've got like seven minutes or something.

 

I owe Phil an apology! He's made it in plenty of time and rigged up a really sweet sound system to play Beethoven (I hope it's not Pathetique, though; that's just salt in the wound.) He tells Barbie it keeps folks mellow. These folks are already way too mellow. Did somebody put Valium in the bottled water or something? Barbie gives Phil a watch (Phil's grandfather's) that I think Phil lost in the same poker games that dispatched Dr. Liarpants to the Great Beyond. Barbie says he's getting out of that line of work. Yep, in about two minutes everybody here will be out of their respective lines of work. I hope Phil is ready to answer some very pointed questions in the afterlife about gambling family heirlooms.

 

OH GOODIE we are back to Junior and Angie! He's twigging out over a snow globe (Snow Globe is TV shorthand for Crazy) and Angie, who's had a bellyful of this crap, asks what's happening. Junior turns on the radio and hysterically picks up the recorded message about the bomb, all nicely synced up to Their Moment. He tells Angie they're all gonna die and that he's so sorry (okay, he apologized, I'll give him that) and all he wanted to do was help her get better. Junior clearly minored in Projection at college. 

 

Angie, probably in shock due to the crazy fun house her life has become, does not start screaming or throwing things or even tearing off her clothes because she's damned if she's dying in this filthy tank and jeans--she just sits down, kisses Junior's forehead and pulls him into her lap. Angie is hella more forgiving than I would be.

 

Julia, alone amongst the township has the right damn idea and enjoying some Dixie cup wine when Barbie wanders up. They have one of their little conversations and she talks about how she misses Chicago (mainly, I would guess, because if she were in Chicago she wouldn't be trapped under a mystery dome about to be blown to subatomic particles) but that Peter (Dr. Liarpants) said she'd grow to love this place. Well, considering the circumstances maybe you shouldn't put quite so much faith in your erstwhile husband's opinions, Jules.

 

Barbie, thinking so too, realizes it's now or never and is about to make Julia's last moments on earth a total shitstorm when Alex and her wife run in (seriously, what is her name? I haven't heard it yet) yelling that they can't find their daughter. As they flail at the guy preventing them from going back out to search Julia tells Barbie that she and Junior found another way out and they've got to go find those kids. Which is a good impulse, but they don't tell Norrie's parents, they just take off. So they leave Norrie's moms crazed with panic that their daughter is going to die alone and helpless in a strange place. I don't think Julia picked up quite as many small town values as she thinks she has.

 

Norrie and Joe are running around trying to find Angie. He tells her to go to the shelter (kinda academic unless the cement works are under two minutes away) to be with her family, and she says he's her friend. Okay, says Joe, let's run around some more! Say, speaking of friends, where did Skater Boi and that dog get to?

 

Back to the seriously, absurdly calm shelter. Folks, if it is ever three minutes to Go time and I"m in a similar situation I am ramming German chocolate cake into my piehole, doing Jaeger bombs and macking on any attractive person I can get my sticky boozy hands on because FUCK IT. Just warning you in case you set up your sleeping bag next to me.

 

And again I owe DJ Phil an apology because he is getting some sweet reception down there. His choice? "The End of the World", the most teen dream heartbreak song ever. He and Dodie dance.

 

Linda races to where she and her man carved their names.

 

Angie accepts her fate.

 

Phil and Dodie have a really sweet moment.

 

Everybody waits.

 

Julia and Barbie drive, looking .

 

Dorrie and Joe sit on his porch and do the logical thing, kiss, as the bomb goes off behind them.

 

The roar echos through the town and the shelterees stand as Big Jim issues his most absurdly useless order ever, that everybody remain calm. He runs out to see what happened.

 

Dorrie and Joe note their lack of seizures and death as the smoke from the bomb blossoms against the the Dome.

 

Julia and Barbie wander to the edge of town and confirm the terrible truth--the Dome is still in place. They hold hands and gaze at the destroyed landscape beyond and Barbie silently gives thanks he didn't mention that whole shot your husband thing.

 

Big Jim stares at the rubble and realizes that nothing's changed and then God punishes him by sending the Reverend out to talk his ear off some more. God told him to come out there. I'll bet he did. God apparently loves fucking with Big Jim. Rev informs him that the town may have belonged to him in the past, but it's a new day. Jim agrees and FINALLY puts an end to this particular line of crap by holding his be-aided ear to the dome, blowing it up. He strolls off, probably full of plans to hand Junior a See 'N Say and take him for a drive.

 

FINALLY DONE. Onward through the disc!

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Episode Five, The Endless Thirst. Shit be about to get real.

 

So this picks up right on the afternoon of Bomb Day. Everybody's realized they aren't dead, hooray! But they are also still stuck in the Dome, shit. 

 

Joe caresses the Dome, which makes his hand look all freaky. He's joined by others, all staring out at the barren wasteland. Big Jim pulls up all "If there is one thing I just didn't do, it's hold the Reverend's head against the Dome until it exploded" and gets out to get all blowhardy and in charge.

 

Julia and Barbie are also there and Julia says she's a little scared. A little? This woman must read her way through King and Straub and Barker for shits and giggles. Snaggletooth Pray Away The Gay Guy (who is named Ollie, apparently) wanders by and luckily keeps out of the way of Alex and Other Mom as they pull up shrieking for Norrie. Norrie runs to their arms. 

 

Linda asks Jim where Junior is, again. For God's sake, Linda, I understand this position was thrust upon you in unenviable circumstances but keep track of your Goddamn deputies. Jim says he doesn't know, he's looking for him himself. I swear, this entire damn season should be subtitled Looking For Junior. 

 

Linda reports the finding of the Rev's body. Jim kinda phones in the surprise. 

 

Snaggletooth Ollie demands some answers, and the rest of the crowd joins in, saying they're running low on food and propane and town hall meetings suck. Sensing badness, Alex suggests bailing, commenting on how hot it is today. They all, including Joe, wisely drive off. 

 

Argh, Linda's radio isn't working! She heads off to find Junior and asks Barbie for his help. She hands him a badge but he hands it back, saying he'll help but he can't be tied down, maaaaan. Linda's all whatever, get in the car and Julia says she's going to the radio station. " Why don't you just marry the damn radio station" snits Barbie in his head, but out loud just asks if he'll see her later. Julia says yeah sure and Linda's all OOO-oooh! Julia and Barbie, sittin' in a tree!  They head off as Jim tells everybody cool it, he'll take care of everything.

 

Huzzah, we are back with my very favorite character in all the world, Junior! I cannot wait! Angie says that it's worse not knowing what's coming then it was when she thought it was the end. It sure is, because whatever "it" is involves more Junior.  He has switched with jackrabbit dispatch back to Crazy Eyes Luv Yu 4Eva mode, telling her not to worry, he'll take care of her. Angie takes a split second to process this and beans him with that tacky ass snow globe! Yes, go girl! Grab the gun grab the gun YOU ARE RUNNING RIGHT BY THE GUN well fine. She gets away, at least. But she still hasn't had a chance to change clothes!

 

Alex is tripping balls and demands to be let out of the car as Other Mom asks what's wrong. Look, Alex has been diabetic for your entire relationship and you've just been through the most stressful thing ever; what the hell do you think is wrong?? Alex asks what time the flight is, she doesn't want to miss it, then wanders, hallucinating, into the middle of the road into the path of a truck! Shit, no wonder Samantha Mathis is a guest star!

 

Nope, spoke too soon, OM pulls her away as the truck, swerving to miss her, plows through several fences and straight into the Chester's Mill Water Tower pipe, which of course immediately starts pouring water everywhere. Well, great. 

 

Now, I've got to pause here, and call this show out. I know, more of the same, right? But seriously, hear me out.

 

This entire sequence smacks of Idiot Plot; that is, a situation that is set up only to further the plot without making any intrinsic sense. Why the hell is this truck there? It's a giant diesel delivery truck! Is it making a delivery? Of what? This bit would have made just as much sense with a  car nearly hitting Alex, but it had to be a giant truck because only a giant truck has the mass to take out the water tower pipe, and taking out the water tower pipe is what has to happen next to foster the next series of crises in the town. Everything that just happened was ONLY to bring on the next chain of events in the script. Even if you go with "Dome Forces made it happen" how the hell would they know that Alex would start tripping out right there on that very spot? Or that Other Mom would be able to pull her away and thus the truck wouldn't slow down or turn the wrong way? ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH. It's cute that it says King's Appliance but that's not an excuse. You are on probation, show. Double secret probation.

 

Well, ANYWAY, Dorrie and Joe run to the driver and pull him to safety as Linda and Barbie pull up and are what the hell is THIS now? Other Mom gives a quick exposition as Linda gazes at the latest FUBAR. Barbie asks her where the tower gets water and Linda says Lake Eastwhatever, it's the main source. Barbie says fine, we'll have to boil water from there but we better go check it out. Why? As far as they know there's nothing wrong with the lake, it's the tower that's the problem. But if they don't go out there, they won't discover...anyway, off they go. 

 

Other mom bundles Alex into the car to go to the clinic and Joe and Norrie tag along.

 

Radio station! Julia is asking what the hell that Bat Techno sound is and Phil says he doesn't know but it's jamming all the signals and it's probably close, like a mile or two. Julia says hey, if it's that close maybe we can find it. Say, the cement works are like half a block away, maybe it's there! Dodie calls out that she's way ahead of them and comes in rigged up with what appears to be leftover Ghostbusters technology, but it's called a...Yahoo? I didn't catch it...and they can use it to triangulate the signal. And if they can do that, says Julia...Maybe we  can turn it off, says Dodie. They head out to play Nancy Drew.

 

Okay, dinnertime again. Catch ya all on the flip side of Methane Lake!

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[bmoore4026]

That's something that bugs me.  Wouldn't being stuck under a dome with a big ol' methane lake be hazardous for many reason: sucking up the oxygen, pressure building up to the point of explosion, one match and the town blows up, everyone and everything smelling of fart gas?

 

Then again, I suck at science (because it's gross), so what do I know?

[Snookums]

Honestly, how did the lake get methaned up in the first place?

 

Linda exposits that the Dome must have sliced a methane pipe; I don't have a problem with that. (I mean, I have a problem with the idea that she and Barbie took a water testing kit out there and figured out it was methane, but.) But the only way the methane is getting pumped into the lake and not the soil or air is if the pipe runs through the lake, the main water source for this town. Wow, Big Jim must have pulled some serious strings to get that okayed, right?

 

I also am not a science person, but to continue: okay, the methane pipe is in the lake. Fine. Does methane dissolve in water? If not, shouldn't it be bubbling up through the water, into the air and causing the very situation you described? 

 

And also, where is this methane coming from? Either it's getting pumped into the town from outside the Dome, or there's a factory inside Chester's Mill that's pumping it out. It can't be from outside because nothing gets through the Dome (except sunlight and oxygen or they'd all be dead now: the vegetation inside the Dome can't be making enough O2 for everybody). And if it's inside, why is that factory still in operation? Neither makes sense. 

 

And either way? Apparently the methane in this pipe CAN GET THROUGH THE DOME. SOMETHING CAN GET THROUGH THE DOME. They should be at that lake with divers frantically trying to send messages through the pipe to the outside world or digging a tunnel around it or something. This is HUGE. 

 

Or was it that there was just enough methane in the pipe to poison the lake and that's it? Also fine, except that you'd think that wouldn't be enough to poison the ENTIRE lake to that extent, and also that the water tower, before its Death By Completely Indefensible Eighteen Wheeler, would have filtered out what there was before now. It was running for four days, after all. There shouldn't be enough left in the lake to render the entire thing useless for drinking unless the pipe is still pumping methane, in which case they're all going to be barbequed pretty soon anyway as soon as the atmospheric gases reach a certain point.

 

I really don't think the science on this was thought through. 

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Double post. Moving on...

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Back to The Endless Thirst! Which is what this episode is giving me, hang on while I fetch a refreshing beverage.

 

Okay, so we're with Barbie and Sheriff Linda walking through the woods to the lake (the credits are still rolling over these scenes. I cannot believe how much of this show is shown before the title cards!) Linda's all You like Julia and Barbie's all do NOT and Linda's all DO TOO. Um, this is cute and all, but is this really the time? Also, Linda, as far as you know Julia is married and I don't believe you're privy to what all's been going down, so what's up with encouraging this total stranger to hook up with her?

 

Well, I guess it's 'cause she's lonely. "I'd kill to have Rusty back right now." Barbie asks how long they've been together and she replies three years and they were supposed to get married next month but it all seems like some dream she made up now. Barbie is uncomfortable with this level of girl talk and is actually relieved to come across Eastwherever Lake (which frankly looks a tad small to be the main water source of a town the size of Chester's Mill) and its scads of rotting dead fish. Ahhhh.

 

(Please see my rant/reply to bmoore4026 about this entire lake thing.)

 

Back to the clinic and Alex is drinking some juice while Other Mom (Please, I am begging you, show: what is this woman's name? I haven't heard ANYONE say it and it's driving me nuts) saying to the nurse that the clinic can't be out of insulin, she was just here for that pesky epidemic and they had plenty then. Oh, c'mon, OM, it's not like this clinic apparently stocks ANYTHING in the way of supplies. As far as I can tell they treat people with fluids, bed rest, and walking around backwards under a new moon with a hazel twig between their knees.

 

Curly Haired Nurse tells OM that there's 23 diabetics in town and their supply is gone, and Crazy Reverend took all the drugs when he ransacked the pharmacy. But wait, he didn't get much further then starting the fire and burning like one container of aspirin before Barbie and Jim stopped him and took the drugs back! Where are those drugs? 

 

OM asks what the hell they're supposed to do and Curly Nurse hesitates, trying to find a nice way to say "watch your beloved spouse slowly slip into a coma and die", then shortens that to "Pray."  She walks off, probably to tell people in the waiting room to eat a sparrow's heart at dawn and draw seven lines in salt on their bedroom floors or something.

 

Linda and Barbie head into Jim's office to drop the latest God Hates Us SO MUCH bombshell about Lake Methane. It involves a nifty little demo where Barbie sets the water on fire though. Okay, and here they speculate that the dome must have cut through an underwater pocket of methane which makes way more sense then a pipe running through the lake. Also methane is heavier then oxygen so it's gathering at the bottom, crowding out the oxygen and and the intake pipe for the Tower would be near the bottom, so all that's actually okay. I also assume the Tower has been filtering out the methane until now, right? Wouldn't the most prudent solution, then, be to repair the water pipe? The rest of the equipment isn't damaged, right?

 

Guess not, because after speculating about the possibility of rain (probably not) Jim starts this weird speech about how most people don't get to know their town and old maps and artisan wells and long story short, he knows about an active one near Ollie Densmore's place. Don't worry, he'll fix this. I really think it would just be easier to fix the pipe but I guess that's why I'm not a councilperson.

 

Angie runs through the woods in a panic. I didn't realize it until now but this poor woman is BAREFOOT. That is just nothing but bad for your standard flee through the woods. Oh, well, things cannot get worse for this character. Right? Guys?

 

Junior stops in to tell Jim he can't find Angie, she got away. Jim has even less time then usual for this and tells him to find her, if she opens her mouth about being locked up I won't get re-elected! Junior says, like an eight year old, that Jim's the one who let her go and Jim gives one of his patented fang-baring pep talks about growing up and taking care of your own messes. A young woman held hostage is a mess to be cleaned up, lovely. I'm starting to think Mrs. Rennie faked her death and is watching all this from a hotel in Reno, giggling to herself between martinis.

 

Expo Convo between Barbie and Linda about how Jim and Ollie are longtime frenemies, but they're interrupted by a potentially ugly scene at the supermarket. Linda does her best to keep the peace and calm things down but the situation is clearly precarious. She tells Barbie that rule one is believe in goodness of people and rule two is let's not get crazy here and hands him a pistol. Barbie refuses, saying it's one thing to take down somebody who killed a cop but he's a stranger and the locals aren't going to take kindly to him being armed. He's got a point, but honestly in this situation I'd rather have that gun than not.

 

Jim heads out to Ollie and they do a little minuet about using Ollie's water. Ollie acts pretty assholish about this and their shared history and this actor is a perfect grumpface snaggletoothed old bastard for the part, but I'm mostly fascinated by his magical tying/untying neckerchief. First it's tied, then he turns around and it's untied, then he soaks it in water and ties it again! You'd think as a wizard he could have conjured up a better outcome in that land dispute. Anyway, Jim's drug lab setup proves to have some unintended positive consequences since he's got plenty of propane to bribe Ollie with. Ollie agrees but it's clear Jim's influences/deals are having shorter and shorter half lives.

 

Junior wastes gas looking for his imaginary girlfriend, who's eluding him, but barely. 

 

Okay, gotta go do some stuff, back soon with the riots!

Edited June 25, 2014 by Snookums

[bmoore4026]

Other Mom's name is Carolyn.  I had to look it up on IMDB.

[RabbitEars]

First or second episode: Despite a dome trapping the townsfolk, people still ate at the diner as if nothing had happened. That's when I knew this show was going to be hilarious.

[Snookums]

Back again! Riot time!

 

Linda orders people about trying to keep order when Junior pulls up and Linda's all "Okay, where were you?" and Junior says that he's got a situation, he's looking for someone. He says it like a kid looking for his Transformer and unsurprisingly Linda is unsympathetic, telling him she needs him to do his job. Junior, never having had one of those before, blinks with surprise but pulls his car up.

 

Inside the grocery things are getting ugly. The manager tells everyone only two liters of water apiece, fights are breaking out, and the first thing Junior sees is two dipshits who make Junior look like a Rhodes scholar shoplifting merrily away. He tells them to knock it off and put the stuff back and they prove their idiocy by smarting off to Crazy Eyes James Rennie Jr. Who's holding a gun. They snarl and slope away but somehow I feel these intellectual giants will be back, the Backwoods Low Animal Cunning Duo being one of Steven King's favorite tropes.

 

Clinic. Alex is in a hospital bed while Dorrie says she can't let her mom die. Realizing that this is a situational ethics situation, she heads off to find files on the other diabetics in town, and their addresses. Joe trails behind, expressing doubts but Dorrie says you don't like it, don't come. Oh, dear.

 

Dodie and Julia drive around with the Ghostbusters rig, trying to track the signal. It seems to be moving. "What kind of a power source moves?" asks Julia. Um, a portable one?

 

Poor bedraggled, beset, barefoot Angie has made it into town at last. Thank God! Surely she'll be safe! Well...any other time, maybe, but her fate today seems to be All Junior, All The Time. They spot each other at the same time and she races off while he's trying to fight through the increasingly agitated crowd. 

 

Angie races into the diner where Rose is hanging around in the dark with the door locked but still wearing her apron. Angie sobs with relief as they embrace and blurts out the whole story from beginning to end. Rose doesn't seem all that shocked about Junior but can't believe Big Jim would do such a thing. Angie holds her breath--if she's not believed then she's literally trapped and at the mercy of a crazy man. Angie is truly having the shittiest week of anybody here and considering the circumstances that is really saying something.

 

After a moment, though, Rose declares that she believes Angie, that everything will be all right, let's go get you some food and clean clothes. Hooray! Thank God everything's going to be fine! Just fine! EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

 

Joe and Dorrie are attempting some B&E but it's not going too well. They end up at the business end of a shotgun and the information that it's too late anyway, the owner of said house and shotgun has already used up his supply. Well, try, try again.

 

Things have fallen apart considerably at the grocery and somebody throws a garbage can through one of the windows, which is full of lemons for some reason. Liberation! Free Lemons For All!  Barbie can't stop the crowd and ends up getting a can in the face from a looter, which he takes quite personally. He takes off after the guy, then cuts him off and just beats the tar out of him. C'mon, Barbs, save that for Junior. He gets the guy pinned and covers his nose and mouth, blocking the airflow, and just glares at the guy all "You have picked the wrong stranger with a shady past to hit in the face with a can." Luckily Linda comes along and makes him let go or things would not have improved. 

 

"Can I count on you?" asks Linda, who has deputized both a straight up crazy person and a total stranger. Well, you've taken a lot on trust so far, Linda. Barbie gruffs out that it won't happen again. Somehow I have the feeling that's not going to hold up. Linda says they've got to contain the riot and come on.

 

Rose is pacing the darkened diner when the glass of the door is shattered and hands reach in to undo the lock. Oh, joy, it's those two shitbags from the store earlier! They pace, grin, purr that they're gonna take all the food they want and generally give a Psycho Hillbilly Standard Issue performance. Angie and Rose face them down, but the outcome is inevitable. Waylon grabs Angie while the other guy beats Rose to death with a  baseball bat! Jesus Christ! Angie leaps on him and flails at him, but it's no use--he slams her head and she drops, unconscious. That's like the second or third closed head trauma that this girl has experienced in as many days, plus hypothermia and running through town with no shoes on. Seriously, we need to start spreading this victim stuff around.

 

Linda recruits Barbie and that other guy and hands off some crowd control stuff the Feds distributed after 9/11. Barbie points out that the tear gas is a decade old but Linda says they've got to try. They pull some pins and throw the canisters, but doesn't work, except to agitate the crowd even more. Well, shit, now what?

 

Julia and Dodie find and lose the signal.

 

Dorrie and Joe find another house on the list with some precious insulin in its fridge, but of course it belongs to the adorable curly haired moppet who announces he's alone in the house but he's a big boy now. Dorrie, nowhere near as hard as she pretends, puts back all but one dose and they leave to the indignant bellows of the mom, who's just come home and isn't keen on finding strangers in her house after fighting people she's known all her life for one bottle of water. This plan is not working out.

 

As they stroll desolately down the sidewalk, Julia and Dodie pull up, Dodie announcing the signal's source is the kids. Raise your hand if you are surprised.

 

Big Jim pulls up with the propane to Ollie's farm and Ollie gloats over his new position of power. Big Jim grinds his teeth. 

 

Back to the least upsetting, most inoffensive scene ever, the diner. Angie lays knocked cold while Rose cools in a puddle of her own blood. The Scumbag brothers, having loaded up some milk crates, are heading out when Waylon the Delightful takes a look at Angie. UggggggghhhhHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING RIGHT WHERE I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO. Is anybody out there surprised?

 

Obviously during times of social crisis, rape can become more prevalent, which is gross and horrible but not inherently offensive. I'm not protesting that part. It's the re-re-revictimization of this young woman who has a) been presented, before all the shit started flying, as a sexual, somewhat flirty person, thus insinuating that she somehow is more open to, or deserving of, this horrific treatment, and b) that this "unfortunate" personality trait--basically, being a young female consenting to sex--has been "corrected" by the unbelievable series of traumas she's been subjected to. This imminent sexual assault isn't reading as a dark but understandable outgrowth of societal breakdown, but a earned punishment. 

 

I'm not going to get into this. It is far too disgusting. On to the next scene.

 

Dorrie and Joe are reacting in character to the news that they are apparently connected to the dome: Joe bewildered and Dorrie mouthy. Julia says it doesn't make sense, but Joe says it does, then describes the seizures. He shows the video to them and the music gives a Significance Sting.

 

Riot Days is going with a swing when Barbie notes Slimebag One (don't know his name) hanging out all "totes not doing anything suspicous or horribly, unforgivably wrong here!" He heads over and one glare sends Scumbag running off, yelling for Waylon to get out of there. 

 

Waylon must be deaf, because when Barbie runs in he's still just standing over Angie (not to be hideously repulsive but ugh, things probably would have progressed further in the time elapsed) and Barbie knocks him on his rapist ass, then chokes him out. I honestly thought he killed him but Waylon's coughing and crawling around while Barbie grabs up still out Angie and runs out the door. I hope he crawls into forty mousetraps and then rolls down the basement stairs and breaks his neck.

 

Linda asks what happened and Barbie's all Rose is dead, things are bad, give me your keys. She complies but somebody's slashed the car tires. That is IT FOR LINDA and saying that it's time for rule number two, she unholsters her gun and heads towards two guys beating up somebody, clearly ready to shoot.

 

Just as she's going to fire, when the tipping point would have been passed, rain starts to fall. 

 

Everybody stops what they're doing and begin to dance with joy, the rain calming things and heralding  Bad Penny Big Jim, who pulls up and starts ordering people to fetch containers to catch the rainwater. Everybody once again pulls together, back from the brink of chaos. Hmmmm. That couldn't mean anything.

 

Barbie asks Jim to take knocked out once again soaking wet multiply head trauma-ed Angie to the clinic. Sure, says Jim, eyeing the young woman who could ruin so much for him. Can do. He's distracted, though, upon hearing of Rose's murder. When Barbie describes them and Linda says it sounds like the Dundee brothers, Jim breathes "Find. Them." in a voice that bodes no good at all. 

 

Julia, Dodie and the kids pull up to the Dome perimeter. This must be the side of Chester's Mill that didn't get thermobaric bombed, since both sides have intact trees and houses. Why is only raining in here? asks Joe, and Dodie steps up and  turns herself into Sci Fi Cliche # 6,793, The Science Person Who Knows All Science. She's an electrical engineer, not ecosystems expert. Yes, as a radio geek it's not beyond the bounds of realism that she'd know some meteorology, but this is just so cliche' they might as well run some stock footage of a "Professor" in a lab coat using his wooden pointer to indicate smiling cartoon rain clouds.

 

Joe is thrilled that they aren't going to go down the Road Warrior water wars path, but Dorrie gloomily points out that just means they're going to be spending the rest of their lives in here. She touches the Dome, Joe reaches to pull back her hand, and the radio in the car starts playing. Julia says it's because the kids touched it at the same time, and Dorrie abruptly says she doesn't have time for this and heads off to the clinic, dragging Joe along. 

 

Julia and Dodie get in the car and Julia says the dome is using the kids somehow. She doesn't know how, but points out that the Dome protected them from the missile strike and sent them water just in time, it can't be a coincidence. "What, the Dome's helping us?" ask skeptic Dodie. Maybe, says Julia, or trying to reassure us? Dodie's not buying that for a hot minute and a says they have to tell Big Jim about the kids. Julia points out the whole town will hunt them down if they do and they have to find out more. Fine, says Dodie. For now. Ominous silence.

 

Townspeople gather water as night falls.

 

Joe and Dorrie, pretty dried off, sit by Alex's bed as Other Mom Carolyn (Thanks to bmoore!) says she doesn't know how they came up with the insulin but she's glad they did. And when she needs her next dose? asks Dorrie. Well, she's probably going to die, bar some Dome-generated drug production, but Carolyn sidesteps the truth none of them want to say aloud. Say, shouldn't Joe be getting worried about his sister? It's been a while.

 

Barbie walks in the rain. Julia spots him and pulls up. Ohhhh, yeeeessss! we all know what two attractive people in rain means! That's right, some halting conversation, a hug, and some serious making out! The show's going to hit Cliche Bingo this episode, I can feel it!

 

Angie comes to on a musty couch. Oh joy, thank God Big Jim didn't take somebody with head trauma for medical treatment or anything like that! No, it's a much better idea and far less incriminating to bring her to his house and sit watching her in the dark! That's not creepy at all! 

 

Angie sits up, saying Rose needs help, but Big Jim tells her it's too late, Rose is dead. Well, that is just the shit cherry on top of the crap sundae of Angie's week. She asks what's going on, that Jim can't lock her up again, and he says no, no, door's open, but he was hoping they could make an arrangement. Angie's all you can't buy this off and Jim's no, no, he's always known Junior was off and he can't help but feel a little responsible (O REALLY) and he's like to offer not money but his word.

 

Angie gives this the raised eyebrow of incredulous scorn it deserves, but Big Jim Rennie hasn't run this town for years for nothing. He states Junior will never touch her again, and she'll be under his personal protection. He'll get her whatever she might need: food, fuel, guns (GUN TAKE THE GUN A GREAT BIG GUN) as long as she doesn't mention this whole little hostage situation. 

 

Angie says it's not just her, it's Joe too; she's got to know that her brother will be safe. Done, says Jim, and trust him, on this, he's a good friend to have. Fine, but seriously, Ang, you need that gun. A whole lotta guns. The kind that can stop a Kodiak grizzly or in a pinch, Junior. 

 

Angie hesitates, but just then the door opens in and in walks Junior, All American Boy! He sees them and asks what's going on. Time for Angie to choose! What will she decide to do? Again, not trying to tell you your business, Angie but GUN. GUN GUN GUN GUN. 

 

Gaaawww. Finally done with this thing! One more to go on this disc.

Edited June 26, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

Alright, okay, we're at Imperfect Circles, last ep on disc two!

 

We open with Joe, innocently asleep, being attacked by an alien! Whoops, it's only Norrie in a gas mask (where the hell did that come from?) She wants Joe to come with her to the dome so they can figure out how it works and why they're connected. Joe flails for his pants and gets all cutsey loris eyes shy when Dorrie smirks "can I watch?" She throws something at him but I can't figure out what.

 

Another sideways wakeup scene--director's gettin' all arty up in here. This time it's Julia and Barbie, having apparently done the deed (and who can blame them? Seize the Dome Day, I say! Of course, there is that whole "shot your faithless husband" problem...) They act a bit awkward and Barbie makes to leave, but ain't no shame in Jule's game and she pulls him back with an "I'll get used to it." They begin the festivities again but there's a knock on the door. Julia says they'll leave, but nope! Jeez, even if you weren't having a--let's say interesting--hookup with the stranger in town who's secretly your spouse's killer but it was accidental and he kinda deserved it, it's a little early for visiting.

 

Julia's visitor thinks so too, but she really needs some yogurt; the Food Mart's in a shambles and it's the only thing she can keep down, as she's six weeks from her due date! (Okay, pregnant woman about to deliver, marking that off on my Cliche Bingo card) and Greg's was supposed to be home from his deployment (pop! another one!) but now...

 

(I just need to interject here that both these women--hell, pretty much everybody we've seen--are terrifically well groomed. Like, ridiculously so. Everybody was running around in the rain last night so I'm not saying they need to be covered in filth, but their hair is shiny, their makeup in place...it's like they're all going to a Junior League Tea after this.)

 

Barbie, in crisp tee and perfectly groomed stubble, arrives at this point because there hasn't been enough AWKWARD in everybody's morning yet. Julia rolls her eyes, says hey, this is Harriet, Harriet, this is Barbie c'mon in for that yogurt, what the hell ever. Harriet gives a little "mm-HMMM" smirk but she can't really rag on her dairy provider and heads in. 

 

Barbie heads down the steps and Julia asks "Where ya going? Running away?" trying to make it sound light but it's clear she thinks he may have just got him some and is heading out. Well, it's not like he can get far, Jules, and his car is probably filled with water from the rain, so chill. Barbie says he's heading in to town to keep the peace since he doubts the Rain Joy's going to last. So to answer your question, yes, he is running away but for good Man Reasons.

 

Having apparently killed the hours between midnight and dawn staring at each other in the Rennie living room, Big Jim (who's changed in to a fetching salmon pink shirt) is hustling Junior by the elbow out the back door, hissing that he told him to leave Angie alone. Junior whines that he only wanted to talk to her (GAH, it's like he memorized the Top 40 Lame Stalker Lines) and "she can hear you." Big Jim, incredulous, asks what, I'm embarrassing you now? The guy who locks somebody in a bomb shelter for days? Jeez, nobody's having a easy Sunday morning today.

 

Junior, who has a really uncanny ability to sound like a seventh grade girl, whines that he had to, the Dome was making her sick, and Jim gets me one of my Amazon Wish List items and backhands him across the face, yelling "YOU'RE sick!" Yaaaaay!

 

It's clearly the first time Jim's voiced this opinion to Junior, and he looks about to cry as he says don't say that and Angie (who FINALLY HAS A NEW SHIRT ON THANK YOU) moves in, listening. Jim says Junior has to leave and Junior says this is his home, where's he supposed to go? Angie doesn't look too keen on this and really, I don't blame her. It's one thing for Jim to say Junior will leave her alone, but if he kicks the guy out he's just going to be roaming around (while armed, yet.)

 

Jim doesn't agree, says go anywhere but here and if you go anywhere near your not girlfriend you'll be sorry. He shuts the door in Junior's puppy dog eyes and breathes out, trying to grasp what he's just done. Angie makes her new shirt and presence known by saying "He is crazy". Well, true, but not the most comforting thing to say right at this precise moment. Jim says he's no longer a problem for either of them and she's welcome to stay if she wants to rest.

 

Angie says Jim just wants to make sure she won't talk, but don't worry, she's just going home to her brother after she says goodbye to Rose. Um, ya know, Junior is still right outside and more upset then ever, you might want to wait a minute? Or hey, an idea; take one of those guns Jim offered you???

 

Angie ignores me and asks where Rose was taken. Jim's all um, well. Since the Reverend "passed" [from me holding his head to the Dome until it exploded] nobody's been running the mortuary (waaaiiiit...so the Reverend was the one and only mortician in town? The hospital doesn't have a morgue? There's no funeral parlor of any kind? Cripes, Chester's Mill was balanced on the edge way before this Dome came down) so Rose is at the restaurant. What? asks Angie incredulously. Jim says it's a shame but it's just until she can get buried, here's the key to the restaurant which I owned because I kept loaning Rose cash to keep it open and finally just bought it. I buy up failing businesses and prop up sham owners, it's a hobby. Like model trains.

 

Harriet, full of yogurt, baby and presumably juicy gossip, heads out from Julia's place. (Julia has donned a very fetching shift dress that I covet utterly. I really admire how these women keep up appearances sealed inside an apocalyptic dome.) 

 

Harriet hears her name called and looks up, to see a sailor, cupcake hat and all, heading towards her, full of smiles. "Greg?" she asks? "You're really here?" She runs towards him (and, in very nice touch, past a big pile of garbage against a tree: nobody's making the trash pickups) and he puts his hand out to her. She reaches out...

 

And ZAP! Her hand brushes the Dome, Greg vanishes and she bends over, crying out for help. Awww. Damn, Dome. That was a dick move. Julia runs to her and tries to reassure her that it's just her water breaking, but Harriet wails it's too early, that she touched the dome and it did something to her baby. Yeah, did it on purpose too. That Greg apparition wanted her to touch the Dome wall. Jerk. The Dome is a big fat jerk.

 

Title card. Did ever a series get so much done before the credits?

 

Junior heads to the Sheriff's office where Linda is stoically loading guns. He asks if something is wrong. I adore how Junior clearly comes from a household where you can come across somebody loading a firearm and not necessarily believe that it's indicative of a bad mood. Linda flats out that Junior's the only deputy that bothered to show up to work today. Well, maybe if you'd given the other two some uniforms they'd have felt special too, Linda.

 

"Where else am I gonna go?" asks Junior. Linda notices that remark but Barbie strolls in right then. He puts Junior in his place with a brief "Junior" and helps himself to a pistol. So, no more qualms on that front from Barbie, I guess. 

 

Linda says first things first, they've got to find the Dundee scumbag brothers. She said she went by their place last night but they're smart enough not to go home (they are? I would not have put money on that) and Barbie's coming with her to find them while Junior patrols. Junior, who's got an Angie IS MINE SHE'S MY ANGEL MINE score to settle with the Dundees, says (in just the poutiest voice ever) to let Barbie go on patrol and he'll go with Linda. He knows the Dundees, maybe he can talk them down.

 

Barbie, not in the mood to squabble with Junior over the last juice box, says it's fine with him, and Linda's all okay, c'mon, let's get you a great big rifle! Sigghhh. Linda, I rag on you and I know you are doing your best in this hideously impossible situation, but you are the boss. Quit letting this nineteen year old whackadoodle run your business! And quit handing him firearms!

 

Julia's propping Harriet up on a couch (not sure which house she's at) and asks her about seeing Greg. Harriet insists she did see him, she should have known it was OWIE CONTRACTION CITY POPULATION MEEEE! Julia says c'mon, we'll go to the clinic (which is what they should have been doing in the first damn place) and Harriet says let's take my car because Greg put a go bag in there. Fine just GO. 

 

Angie walks into the thoroughly trashed diner. Hey, she scored some shoes, too. Good, since there's broken glass all over the place. She moves through the building, seeing the puddle of Rose's blood, and into the kitchen, where poor dead Rose is lying on a table covered with a sheet. UGH. Not to get crass, here, but between the rain and the incubating properties of the Dome, That whole place must reek. Is there any reason Jim couldn't have put her in the walk in, for heaven's sake?

 

Angie doesn't seem to mind, though, and is reaching out for the sheet when she hears a male voice. She lunges for a knife and shrieks STAY AWAY FROM ME to...Skater Boi Ben, Joe's Improbable Friend! 

 

Angie asks if her brother's okay (you might want to run by the house and ask, Angie. No offense but Rose isn't going anywhere) and Ben's all yeah, he and his new girlfriend are fine, you have new dog by the way and put down the knife already, I just wanted to be sure nobody was trashing the place. He finally notices the bloody sheet covered body and asks if that's rose. Angie, obviously deciding that she's got to get a handle on her To Do list, asks Ben if he'll help her with something.

 

Cut to Ollie's Bar and Grill, where the Bar serves water and the Grill serves nothing! Ollie's really reveling in his master of ceremonies/benevolent bestower role here. Jim walks up, not buying it for a minute and the two of them snipe back and forth, as is their wont.

 

Ollie's in the new power position and he knows it, though, and really enjoys rubbing it in Jim's face, saying hey, Capitalism's the game for everybody! Jim tries his old "you've got something I've got something let's make lotsa money" shtick, but Ollie just laughs. Sure, he says, I've got the water, but are you sure you've got the propane? He Cheshire Cats over the lovely new dawn (pop Bingo! Cliche veiled threat!) as Jim, off balance, reels back to his car, presumably to go visit his propane girlfriend and make sure she's not cheating on him. 

 

Cut to Joe getting the macking of his life from Dorrie! Damn, those LA girls, huh? But it's an experiment, and she lurches back from where she's had him pushed up against the Dome and asks if he feels anything. This is the easiest "yes" answer ever, but Dorrie snarks "from the Dome, Joe." Nope, nothing from either of them. 

 

Joe says maybe they're going about this all wrong, that every time the Dome's affected them it's because they did something different. Dorrie incredulously says she's not banging Joe for the first time against the Dome, and Joe's  I didn't mean that, but hey... and Dorrie's all FOCUS JOE and Joe says maybe we should try some other place. If the Dome is an atom, the wall is electrons, and there's probably an nucleus in the center! Dorrie gives him praise and another smooch and they run off, with Truman the dog following, probably hoping somebody will remember to feed him already.

 

Big Jim heads out to his Super Secret Propane Storage to find a humongous guy carrying a hunting rifle and looking quite full of himself. He says Ollie says you can't come in our clubhouse, Big Jim, nyah nyah nyah! Jim says this is my property and stomps towards the door, only to trip over the cut chain and lock. He tries to pull himself up and face off with the guy, but this dude's the size of shaved gorilla and puts him down with a one two punch! Damn!

Big Jim stumbles back to his car, his control and influence spinning out of his hands like water as Gorilla Grod ooks back to his position all smug.

 

Barbie's checking out the obviously drained and abandoned gas station when he sees what looks to be the Dundee Idiots running by, one carrying a garbage can??? The hell??? These morons have taken "indiscriminate looting" to a new low. Barbie chases after them.

 

Linda and Junior drive around, and Junior asks the frankly not bad question as to what they're going to do once they catch them. Linda says put them in a cell, duh, and Junior points out the courthouse is in Westvale (Okay, what the hell is actually inside this town? What? They don't have a stocked hospital, they don't have any morgue or funeral parlor, they don't have a courthouse! How is this even a town???) and Linda says let's just concentrate on finding them first, they can't walk free after killing Rose. Or what they did to Angie. 

 

WHAT? says Junior and Linda displays a truly astounding inability to read body language or mood as she says don't worry, Angie's fine, Barbie stopped it but they got away. "They won't get away this time," hisses Junior. Linda looks over, it belatedly and briefly dawning on her that perhaps Junior Rennie is not the very best person to have handed a giant rifle to. Oh, well, one problem at a time.

 

Julia is driving Harriet to the clinic when she comes across a makeshift barrier in the road--set up by our new favorite entrepreneurs, the Dundee Assholes! Okay, what? I guess they wanted that trash can for this roadblock, but wasn't Barbie right behind them? They aren't acting like they're being chased, much more like emotionally disturbed eight year olds that just ate six bowls of Cocoa Puffs and watched Mad Max on a loop. They hold the women at gunpoint and start siphoning their gas, which makes a kind of sense, I suppose, from a looting point of view.

 

But it's academic now because Action Barbie to the rescue! He takes one down and calls Linda on his walkie talkie while he shoots the other one in the leg as he flees! Awesome! But then he's distracted by Harriet having her baby and Julia's all normally I would totally throw you some because that was HAWT but we've gotta get her to the clinic. No use, says Barbie, the clinic's closed. Aww, what happened, they run out of wolfsbane and nightshade?

 

Alice (Not Alex, I was hearing it wrong) says Julia, she's a doctor staying at the McCallister's. Since the car has no gas, they've gotta walk. Damn, it has been downhill for Harriet since the yogurt.

 

Back in the patrol car Linda ponders why the Dundees would head northwest, there's not much there. Junior says what about the salvage yard? (I swear, I had to rewind this three times to get 'salvage yard.' It totally sounded like 'salad jar', which makes no sense even for Junior). There's lots of abandoned buildings, perfect hiding place. Let's go kick their teeth in! WOAH, says Linda, no, we're arresting them. What, seriously? asks Junior and Linda realizes she's got to start doing better background checks as she says yes, you only use that gun if your life's in danger, got it? Suuuuuurrrrrrre, says Junior, anything you say, Sheriff. I'm sure this will go swimmingly.

 

Part two coming up!

Edited June 27, 2014 by Snookums

[Camera One]

Reading Snookum's recap of that episode reminded me of a major problem with S1 of this show.

 

Back when that episode aired, the show was still alright.  (Beware spoilers below, Snookum)

 

Why did they feel the need to go through villains like last week's trash.  They could easily have extended the reign of the Reverend, or the Evil Farmer along with those Evil Hoodlum Brothers, for the entire first season, producing a more coherent arc.  Big Jim worked better as a morally grey character, but from my viewpoint, I couldn't care less about the character after he crossed the line with Dodie and then with Barbie.  That just turned him into an outright evil man with no morals and you can't even try to give that type of character any depth, and any attempt to make him "behave" in S2 and beyond (which they will need to) will only be contrived.  

Edited June 28, 2014 by Camera One

[Guest]

So admittedly I got bored and wandered away after two or three episodes last season; but I just watched a one hour recap of last season On Demand and I have a question.

 

Coming away from the recap, these are the things that stuck with me. 

 

In a town full of strangers, why wouldn't a man shed his nickname Barbie?  Why would a woman basically decide to put that pesky business of the new boyfriend being an enforcer that was "forced" to kill her husband as long as the new boyfriend was honest with her from now on?  That's the important thing, honesty? 

 

So kidnapped girl is set free and both kidnapper and kidnapper's dad turned accomplice are running around free and everyone is fine with that?  How did that happen? 

 

The dome kills the girl's Mother by cutting her off from medication.  The dome says that kidnapped girl has to work together with crazed stalker kidnapper?  Dome tries to kill the town with weather when someone balks at not doing domes bidding?  Dome orders killing one of the kid's dad?  I forgot about all the dome slicing people's body parts off.  Why are the kids doing what the dome wants them to do?  It seems like they are doing it out of curiosity, not fear or desire to free the town.  Is the dome piping in crazy gas?

 

But that's not my question.  This is.  Is this fairly representative of the show?  Because usually a show puts the most positive spin to bring in viewers and that makes me think that the recap makes more sense than the series but I'm not sure how that would be possible.

[Camera One]

Is this fairly representative of the show?  Because usually a show puts the most positive spin to bring in viewers and that makes me think that the recap makes more sense than the series but I'm not sure how that would be possible.

 

Yes, that was representative of the show.  To me, it was constantly trying to draw in viewers from shock value, whether that was from killing off characters, to out-of-nowhere "twists" or just general violence and mayhem.  

 

Why are the kids doing what the dome wants them to do?  It seems like they are doing it out of curiosity, not fear or desire to free the town.

 

The kids, like everyone else on the show, clearly lost their functioning brain within a few days of the Dome's appearance.  I'm still in awe that they didn't run to the Town Square to stop Barbie's execution.  The writers can't even figure out what makes sense for the characters to do.

[bmoore4026]

The kids, like everyone else on the show, clearly lost their functioning brain within a few days of the Dome's appearance.  I'm still in awe that they didn't run to the Town Square to stop Barbie's execution.  The writers can't even figure out what makes sense for the characters to do.

 

The kids are disciples to the dome and The Monarch now.  If the Monarch says that they couldn't save both Barbie and the egg, why use reason?  It is Dome Law!  The Great and Powerful Dome has spoken!  The Beautiful and Ever-lasting Dome!  MIRROR MIRROR IN MY HOME, IS THERE ANYONE GREATER THAN THE DOME!

[Camera One]

They could have at least felt bad about it.  It looked like they already forgot about Poor Barbie by the last scene.

[Guest]

The kids, like everyone else on the show, clearly lost their functioning brain within a few days of the Dome's appearance.  I'm still in awe that they didn't run to the Town Square to stop Barbie's execution.  The writers can't even figure out what makes sense for the characters to do.

 

Wait.  Explain please.  The recap left it at Barbie on the run and the guy who set him up is on the radio telling the town folk to round him up and execute him.

[Camera One]

Weird... they didn't recap what happened in the Season 1 finale?

 

There's a recap here with some pictures:

http://www.tv.com/shows/under-the-dome/community/post/under-the-dome-season-1-episode-13-curtains-season-1-finale-review-137936504881/

[shapeshifter]

Yes, that was representative of the show. To me, it was constantly trying to draw in viewers from shock value, whether that was from killing off characters, to out-of-nowhere "twists" or just general violence and mayhem....

The kids are disciples to the dome and The Monarch now....

I just realized that this show has all of these things quoted from these 2 posts in common with the show, The Following, which debuted the same season (2013). Edited June 28, 2014 by shapeshifter

[bmoore4026]

 

There's a recap here with some pictures:

http://www.tv.com/sh...w-137936504881/

 

 

That bit with Junior wanting Julia's hair never fails to get a laugh out of me.

Edited June 28, 2014 by bmoore4026

[Snookums]

Imperfect Circles Part Deux! I'm French.

 

Okay, we're watching the kids walk through a gorgeous, stunningly lit field of waist high grass as Truman barks and runs in happy doggie circles ahead of them. Truman is really taking this whole thing very well. 

 

Dorrie praises Joe's STEM skills and Joe geeks happily that it's a good thing he paid attention in Trig class (that sound you just heard was millions of math teachers bellowing with justification). Dodie says if they can turn off the Dome they can get her mom more insulin and if Joe ever wonders why the Dome picked them. Joe says sure, but he's mostly glad it did. Say wha? says Dorrie, and Joe says it's weird and scary but also awesome in the true sense of that word, and besides, he might never have met her in any other circumstances. Awww. The two of them beam at each other, finding a scrap of meaning, perhaps, inside this madness.

 

Well, can't have that (because the dome is a giant asshole) and Truman promptly starts barking and running, clearly freaked out by something ahead, then runs off home. Dorrie asks if they should go back too, but Joe says they can't stop now. Yeah, the next set of plot contrivances lie ahead! They forge onwards.

 

Okay, now we're back at the diner and I have to call some serious bullshit on this next bit. Angie and Ben come in, Angie heads to the counter for something or other and Ben says he's never buried anybody before. Waaaait a damn minute here.

 

Both these people walk in from carrying a bloody corpse, in no container or coffin of any kind, outside to a gravesite, digging said grave, depositing said corpse, and covering it???

 

One, both of them are absolutely pristine. Not a clod of dirt, not a smudge, not a trace of Recently Deceased Rose on either of them. Their shiny hair is not in sweaty hanks, there's no blisters on their palms, nothing. 

 

And also, only one or two hours, judging from the sunlight, have apparently passed! They apparently accomplished this DIY funeral in two hours using two (pristine) shovels! The hell??? Do you know how long it takes to dig a hole deep enough for an adult body? Hours. HOURS. Even granting some ease from the recent soaking of the topsoil, unless these two people (one of whom is recovering from a kidnapping and several significant head injuries) are fucking secret superheroes, there is no way, no way this happened. I can accept a lot from my Crazy Dome sci-fi, but this is a bridge too far. 

 

But nobody listens to me, ever, and the show skips merrily onward. 

 

Angie gives an impromptu eulogy about never appreciating Rose, then says they've got to clean this place up and hey, Ben, can you find a mop? Um, you are probably the one to do that, Ang, since you're the one who works there, and also you have asked a helluva lot of this random kid you barely know already. I'm guessing even post Dome Ben doesn't usually factor "hands on burial of woman I've known my entire life and cleaning an entire restaurant for free" into his typical day. But Ben is apparently a Buddha in disguise, because he just hops to.

 

The door jangles and Angie lurches up, but it's just Salmon Jim, stopping by to check on how things are going. He sees the blood and looks grim. Angie notices his new bruises (have you guys noticed that three people have gotten punched out on this show so far and they all sport the exact same facial injuries? Bruise on cheek and marked up eyebrow?) Jim says he needs a drink and reaches for a bottle of whiskey, clearly knowing right where it's kept. He's foregoing both the milk and a glass. Shit is getting real.

 

Angie watches in silence as Ben pops in with a delightfully inappropriate "hell yeah, chug?" Have we MET? ices Big Jim and Ben says they met at one of Junior's games, which pushes one of Jim's many, vast, myriad Paranoid buttons and he glares at Angie, asking if she's been talking about Junior? Angie merely shrugs and Jim stalks out with a "clean this blood up." Wow, secret owner or not, dude, not the coolest move, considering everything Angie's been handling today. She stalks after him and locks the door. The door with no glass in it. I guess it's symbolic.

 

Joe's house. Carolyn brings Alice a cup of tea as Alice insists she's fine, she doesn't want to act sick until she is. Carolyn frets as Alice denies, Carolyn says, okay, get up and dance.

 

The two of them circle in each other's arms, both trying to pretend that the end isn't coming, coming fast. Carolyn apologizes, but Alice says it's no one's fault, and she'd follow her anywhere. They have a wonderful, tender loving kiss that is just so cool to see on network TV and also the seal on the fetters of their fate, standing in the golden light of their last time alone together.

 

Well, can't have that (because the Dome is a GIANT ASSHOLE) and Harriet, Julia and Barbie charge in, all looking fresh as daisies considering they just hiked multiple miles pretty much carrying a pregnant woman in labor, yelling for Alice's help. Alice snaps to, becoming a professional and comforting presence and telling Harriet she's going to have the first baby born inside the dome! Um, yay?

 

The woods. Joe and Dorrie walk through the trees, searching for they know not what. Dorrie's hair stands on in and Joe spots-- a round thing, covered with leaves. 

 

The mysterious round thing shocks them both but they're used to that by now, and dust it off. Joe can't believe it's another dome and Dorrie says there's something inside. Ooooh, I hope it's a little tiny Chester's Mill! That would be so cool!

 

Dorrie pours her water bottle over the thing and rinses away the dirt--revealing---

 

an egg. A black egg standing on end. Sure. Why not. (My idea was better.) Music sting as the camera pulls back. 

 

Harriet is wailing that she can't do this without her husband. Alice says women do this every day and Harriet makes the perfectly good point that this is hardly an every day set of circumstances. It isn't right, she cries, bringing a baby into a world like this. Julia tries to comfort her, but it's Barbie who gets her focused with his no nonsense assurance that they are all there for her. Alice tells her to push!

 

Jim is in his office, having a long, deep conversation with another whiskey bottle (just how many of these does he have stashed around town?) when Ollie shows up to make the classic New Dog In Town mistake of overplaying his hand. He smirks about Jim's run in with his "new security guard" and he hates to see ol' Jim licking his wounds like a big old pussy (okay, he says "fat ass cat", which is one of the more amusing censor dodges I've heard) and just basically pisses in all Jim's corners about how's he's got all the cards and unless Jim wants people to starve he'll tow the line and watch Ollie take his turn "wrapping his sweaty hand around this town's neck." EEEWWWWW. Ollie, nobody wants your gross neck rag around any part of their anatomy. 

 

Ollie strolls out, unaware he's just signed his death warrant. Big Jim pulls the whiskey closer as it whispers sweet nothings to him about how to turn this disadvantage around.

 

And we cut to two more of my very most favorite-ist characters, the Dundees! Dundee Waylon cracks open a COLA (it is just like these two bottom feeders to loot generic cola. Seriously.) and turns to show off his facial bruising to the camera (that makes a set of four!) as he asks a taunt, rifle toting NotWaylon what he's so scared of. Um, says NotWaylon, the guy who's given you two beatings in a row? Waylon struts like a bedraggled little bantam rooster and says they oughta be afraid of Them, The Amazing Dundees, not the other way around. NotWaylon isn't really taking this to heart and considering the whole "Asses Handed To Us" record, he's right.

 

"Whole town's fallin' apart, Clint (okay, Clint. I'm glad I have a name for Clint as I view what will most certainly be a long and productive life), and there's a lot of opportunities going forward!" crows Waylon. Um, say wha, Dale Carnegie? You fancy yourselves fortune hunters in this brave new world? Well, that's just adorable. 

 

The show agrees with me wholeheartedly and exactly one nanosecond later, right as a paranoid Clint's all "I think I heard something", Junior steps forward right behind the moron, puts his rifle to his head and says "Damn, you're stupid, Clint."

 

(Can you all excuse me a sec? I'm really dizzy...I think it's from the brief yet dazzling sensation of agreeing with James Rennie, Junior, totally and completely. Just need a few deep breaths... okay, I'm fine.)

 

Waylon raises his pistol but apparently one of the many, many, many drawbacks of being a Dundee brother is having absolutely no peripheral vision and highly selective hearing, because Linda steps right up and puts her gun to his head. Awesome! I am really glad to see Competent Linda get all badass. She orders him to drop his gun NOW. 

 

One long breathless pause, and Waylon manages to show some kind of rudimentary intelligence and puts his hands behind his head. Linda starts to read him his rights and Waylon's moment of intellectual glory passes and he lunges back, knocking her down and running off in a random direction. See, this right here is why most small business fail. This is not a solid fallback plan. 

 

Clint takes the opportunity to flail away as well, and there's a few seconds of gunshots and action and then Clint trips and falls in front of Junior and his giant ass rifle. He pleads with him, saying he'll go quietly, please...

 

And Junior shoots him dead. 

 

Junior stares at the corpse, doing a kind of Michael Myers in the first Halloween movie "baroo?" head tilt as he contemplates what he's done. Linda, having shot Waylon in circumstances quite similar (oh, wait, NO THEY WEREN'T SHE WAS IN A FIREFIGHT AND DEFENDING HER OWN LIFE) runs up, staring at Clint's body. "Got him," says Junior and strides off. Linda has the look of someone who is just now truly realizing what she's let herself in for.

 

Back to the woods and Baby Dome Two, Electric Boogaloo! We're seeing the kid's from the egg's perspective as the small dome distorts their voices. They try various voice commands ("Open, Turn Off, Hello" and so on) but not altogether astonishingly, the egg just sits there. Joe suggests asking nicely while both touching it--hey, it made the radio work. 

 

Both of them lay hands on it and Dorrie tries some sweet talk, but Baby Dome has other plans, as both Joe and then Dorrie see Alice, standing there in the woods. Oh, dear. Baby Dome is apparently a Baby Asshole.

 

Intuiting that a vision of her mother can mean nothing good, Dorrie says she needs to find her mom and runs off, Joe following. 

 

Back to Harriet, push push pushing as Alice and the others encourage her. Uh oh, Alice looks a little strange. She staggers and Harriet freaks, but Barbie is once more into the breach and focuses her back on having a baby as Carolyn catches Alice in her arms.

 

Back to Propane House. Giant Ollie Stooge is loading tank after tank of propane (they're those little portable ones, not the giant tanks like Jim brought to Ollie earlier; I guess there was a "buy a big tank get a small one free" at Costco) into his pickup truck. That doesn't seem very safe.

 

The guy (his truck says "Platt" something or other on it, so fine, Platt) senses something amiss with his Gorilla Sense and hustles his butt into the driver's seat, one last tank next to him, and gets ready to haul his personal spoils away. But nope! Those BULLETS BEING SHOT AT HIM inform him as to a change in plans; he will instead be attending an impromptu barbeque! Woah! Humongous Action Movie Truck Explosion!

 

 

Bullets  that were, of course, fired by none other then Big Jim Rennie, who has been controlling this town through years of upstarts who thought him old, weak, or past his prime. He's moved on from breaking a bigger man's pelvis to ROASTING SOMEONE ALIVE, and he listens to Platt's cries for help with a stony face, only opening his mouth to pour more whiskey into it. 

 

You guys, I can't help feeling that Big Jim Rennie has gone a little dark. 

 

While Jim is celebrating his redefinition of "pyrrhic victory", we cut back to Harriet, who's finally crossing the finish line but there seems to be something wrong. Barbie asks for help and Alice, in the middle of an insulin crisis, hauls herself over and sees the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck. Well, great, fantastic, that's just what was needed today!

 

But the Dome obviously has big plans for this little one and a couple shoelaces, instructions and one final push later, Harriet has her baby! 

Everyone collapses in joy and wonder, and Alice asks "may I?" as she reaches out, clearly remembering that day she herself held her own infant girl for the first time. "Alice, meet Alice", says Harriet and the rapture and happiness, for the moment, fill the room.

 

But we can't have that (BECAUSE THE DOME IS A GIANT ASSHOLE)  and Alice, from her peak, tumbles downward into a crash...

 

Ben the Benevolent and Angie have finished totally cleaning the diner. It does look nice, and they managed to put some plywood over the door. Angie thanks Ben for his help and is musing this the first time she's worked here and not been pissed off about it when guess who walks in? Yes, Junior "Skull Thicker Than Mount Everest" Rennie!

 

Angie freaks, but Junior just needs to tell her something, so Ben can go home. Ben sizes this situation up and says nope, he thinks he'll stay. Ben is going to be the focus of a religion by the end of this season. Junior's all FINE and puts on his Important Speech face. He apologizes to Angie, that he realizes he can't make her love him, and he's sorry for everything. So! Friends?

 

Angie, deciding discretion's the better part of valor, says fine. You said your piece, now you can leave. Junior's expression says that he really, truly thought that all he had to do was say "sorry" in  a sad voice and Angie would indeed see the error of her ways and fling herself into his arms. Sigggghhhh. We've all known somebody like this, right? Was it ever pleasant, knowing that person?

 

He turns to go, but spins back and says those Dundee guys? They'll never bother you again. There. That should do it. Now all he has to do is hangdog his way down the street and Angie should be scratching at his door by morning! That's how this works, right?

 

Okay, Part Three should be coming up tomorrow. Also, I'm clearly not going to be able to finish season one in time to watch season two, so query: should I just catch up on the plot basics and start watching/posting about Season Two in real time while filling these in as I view them, or finish these first and then start Season Two? Let me know!

Edited June 30, 2014 by Snookums

[Snookums]

And Part Three! Hopefully will wrap this one up.

 

Julia's sitting on the McCalister couch contemplating Life, the Universe and Everything. She tells Barbie (who's tidying up--damn, is there anything this man can't do? Help birth a baby, put down a riot, inadvertently get rid of a tool spouse, he's on it!) that he was pretty amazing, but any tender words are cut short by Dorrie racing in, demanding her mom.

 

Dorrie runs upstairs and Carolyn stops her with the news that it was a heart attack--her system just couldn't take the  stress. Alice is awake, though, and murmurs "baby girl" to Dorrie from her bed. Snurfle. Shut up. It's just raining on my face.

 

Joe sits on his porch when he hears his name called and looks up to see Angie! They race to each other's arms and hug, neither asking "OMFG WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" but settling for a quick exchange of "okay" reassurances. Joe's taller then Angie. Huh, never noticed that before.

 

Dorrie's telling Alice she saw her in the woods, and it sounds crazy...Alice says no, she helped a woman give birth today and and that woman saw her husband and now there's a new Alice, and it all must matter. "No mom," wails Dorrie, "you matter too." Alice says it brought Dorrie to her so it must want her to go, and at least she got to see her one last time and she and Carolyn take care of each other...Dorrie sobs but promises to be brave. They exchange I Love Yous and Alice slips away.

 

(SHUT UP I'M NOT CRYING SOMEBODY MUST BE CUTTING ONIONS, OKAY?)

 

Dorrie and Carolyn stare down at the body that only moments ago was their Alice, and Norrie races from the room and outside, past Angie and Joe (who is taking this with a truly unflappable calm, I must say) to the Dome's perimeter. She collapses, sobbing, placing her hand on the dome and begs/demands the Dome bring back her mother, saying she'll do anything, anything. Oh, don't say that, honey bear. The Dome, unfortunately, has now been very well established as being a GIANT. ASSHOLE. 

 

Montage of Carolyn mourning, Harriet blissing out over baby Alice, Julia and Barbie sitting in each others' arms (um, I think they all may still be at the McCalister house) as a lovely song plays and the moon shines through the dome. We cut to a group of people standing around the Explode-O-Truck and Big Jim doing a good job of acting just shocked and appalled at this to do. That shirt plus whiskey equals magic, I tell ya.

 

Dorrie wails to the Dome "just tell me what you want!" and we cut to the Baby Dome, containing the black egg--which is starting to pulse with purplish streaks of light. Uh oh. Next up: Laserium, starring Baby Dome Asshole and the Disco Egg!

 

 

SPECIAL EXTRA REVIEW OF DELETED SCENE ON SEASON ONE DISC:

 

I'm not counting this as part of the review proper because it apparently wasn't broadcast, presumably for time reasons, but it seems pretty important and I can't see the results not carrying over into the next episodes, which seems kinda bullshitty considering it wasn't broadcast.

 

It's the after the truck explosion scene, where Big Jim shows up and watches the crowd who's watching the burning truck (and none of whom are making the slightest effort to either make any comment on the remains of the roasted guy who's clearly both in visual and olfactory shot, or to put out the raging fire that's a) right next to the shed that's still full of propane and b) generating clouds of thick, billowing toxic smoke that's going to be a permanent part of the atmosphere now. I guess they put out Duke's house and they're just done with putting out fires.

 

Ollie's there too, and Big Jim wastes no time blaming the whole fiasco on him, saying putting a half wit like Platt in charge of the fuel was a real dumb move, as can be seen by both the Cajun blackens remains of said Platt and the fact that he was clearly robbing the fuel stores. People seem to agree with that, which is odd, because theoretically nobody knew about the whole gas-for-water trade but Big Jim and Ollie, so why are they just accepting that Ollie was in charge of setting the security? Big Jim should be the one taking the blame here! But Ollie's so thrown, and so out of his league, that he doesn't point any of this out, just stutters that Big Jim's lying (which he totally is) but the scene ends with Big Jim McCallister holding the reins of Chester's Mill firmly once again.

 

This stuff seems pretty important and if the scene was cut because they decided they didn't want to go down that road and they never bring it up again, that's one thing. But it's weird, in that case, that they went to all the trouble to shoot the whole scene and not use it. And frankly, even if they cut it because they didn't want to use that particular setup, isn't anybody going to bring up the whole "roasted guy and imperiled fuel supply" problem? To anybody? It's obvious that people noticed the giant-ass explosion and resulting fire, they're there watching, it's not a secret. Are they just planning to ignore this stuff?

 

Okay, that's it for this one. Sorry it took so long but I've got a head cold. I'll continue with these posts as soon as the next disc shows up!

Edited July 1, 2014 by Snookums

[Desperately Random]

Sorry you're not feeling well Snookums but it could be worse. You could have a head cold and be trapped under a dome. That's a Giant Asshole. (Love that. It's so true.) As much as I want to read your thoughts on tonight's show I think you should finish up with season 1 before tuning in for season 2. That way it will make more sense. (Well not sense since this is UTD but you know what I mean.)

[Camera One]

This stuff seems pretty important and if the scene was cut because they decided they didn't want to go down that road and they never bring it up again, that's one thing. But it's weird, in that case, that they went to all the trouble to shoot the whole scene and not use it. And frankly, even if they cut it because they didn't want to use that particular setup, isn't anybody going to bring up the whole "roasted guy and imperiled fuel supply" problem? To anybody? It's obvious that people noticed the giant-ass explosion and resulting fire, they're there watching, it's not a secret. Are they just planning to ignore this stuff?

Interesting about the deleted scene. That's weird it was cut out. The entire townfolk are idiots. They never question Big Jim on anything. Even though he's super shady.

[Snookums]

Yeah, Desperately, I think I'll do that. It sounds like the real roller coaster ride is coming up and season two depends on all the loops and twirls.

[Actionmage]

]I was curious about how  the "two weeks since the dome came down" figure could be from, I reread Daniel's recaps from TWoP ( funny, but headache-inducing after a run of recaps. This show, man.) Anywho:

 

*S1E1 took place from roughly mid-morning to nighttime (times are going to be estimated; in my notes, I put AM or PM due to description and how light I thought I remembered scenes.) So Dome Day is one 24-hour period, to me.

*E2 took place from one morning to the next or to mid-afternoon. So we have a rough day and a half. Total? 2 1/2 days of Dome.

*E3 took place from nighttime to nighttime, so one more day. Total? 3 1/2 days.

*E4 took place morning to nighttime, so another day, bringing the total to 4 1/2 days of trappitude.

*E5 was the Visitor's Day episode. There was dialogue stating that it had been a week (It's been a week, why are they letting people close now,iirc.) The episode itself goes from morning to shortly after 1:15PM (1315 in military time.) So, based on info the writers put out there, the total time under the dome has been 11 1/2 days. The episode's day hasn't ended when the hour was up, so I don't add it to my count.

*E6 finishes that day, so we can get a round 12 days of dome-iness.

*E7 is another morning to night, so 13 days.

*E8 is another AM to PM, so we hit 14 days. ( I am beginning to think it's true about writers not being strong in the maths.)

*E9 goes from morning to might and we are at Day 15.

*E10 is the same, AM to PM, so Day 16.

*E11 is when things get cray, as it's when Jim sets-up Barbie for multiple murder. It goes from morning to midday, so we don't have a full day to add.

*E12 goes from midday to midday, so Day 17 1/2.

(RIP Dodee!)[/spoiler

*E13 barely moves time-wise, as we pick up sometime in the afternoon until "4 1/2 o'clock", so we're still stuck at 17 1/2 days.  

*S2E1 picks up from where we left, so midday to nighttime gets us to 18 days.

*S2E2 takes us from night to night, so that puts us, again roughly, at 19 days.

 

I can see where it's easier to say "two weeks", but wouldn't you be pretty precise about how long you've been trapped when it's been under a month? (Even if the month's February?)  Even if the writers forgot they put in the "it's been a week" back in S1E5, it'd be 12 days, so still, closer/easier to say two weeks.

 

Not only am I surprised at how close the timing actually turned out, but by how much effort and thought I put into this. 

Edited July 9, 2014 by Actionmage

[Actionmage]

To not make  the above long post extra long, here is a rough count of the Dead from Season 1, as well. ( ottoDbusdriver sparked my curiosity.)

 

Those not mentioned already in otto's post here (http://forums.previously.tv/topic/10572-s02e02-infestation/page-1; next to last post on the page)  are:

 

Mrs. Sanders, who is identified by Joe from the plane wreckage.

Potentially the woman  with the severed arm that Barbie and Julia found and took to the hospital. (What? They didn't even have gloves, fer cryin' out loud!)

The driver of the semi that pancaked into the dome in front of Norrie, Carolyn, and Alice.

12 unnamed dead, as per Duke that night in the Sweetbriar.

The unknown person Truman the Dog belonged to, of whom we only saw the legs.

According to a hospital worker, one of the hospital's doctors, thanks to running into the dome with his car.

Ms. Moore, Linda's 3rd grade teacher with the meningitis.

All the fish from Lake Eastpoint, aka Lake Methane (TM Daniel)

The 5 unnamed folks killed in the Dinsmore/Rennie Well War of 2013.

Poor Ted Utley's wife and child (their loss is what pushed Ted into suicidal ideation and almost took Big Jim out with a grenade!)

Azzo, Maxine's thug/bodyguard

Plus  That Cow and all the birds in the premiere.

 

That comes to an estimated total of 40 people that died in Season 1 alone, including the only mortician! Also unnumbered wildlife.

Yeah, it's been a slow couple of days and I was bored enough to look into this and the timing. I need a 12 step group, maybe.

Edited July 9, 2014 by Actionmage

[ottoDbusdriver]

That comes to an estimated total of 40 people that died in Season 1 alone, including the only mortician! Also unnumbered wildlife.

Yeah, it's been a slow couple of days and I was bored enough to look into this and the timing. I need a 12 step group, maybe.

 

 

Nicely put Actionmage -- on both the timeline and the additions to the list o' dead.  So really, they should have been having an average of at least 2-3 funerals a day.  I guess that makes Angie REALLY special that she actually got one. So why is Rebecca Pine worried about population control when with this kind of deathrate under the dome it shouldn't be a problem ? 

 

I can't believe I forgot the cow, the birds and the fish.

[Snookums]

 

That comes to an estimated total of 40 people that died in Season 1 alone, including the only mortician! Also unnumbered wildlife.

 

And yet there are still tons of coffins lying around the mortuary/funeral home/church...

[Snookums]

Okay! I FINALLY got Disc 3 in the mail (Tip: When recapping and dependent on Netflix, always tell Netflix you have a new apartment number. And thank you to the new residents of Unit 107 for dropping off that red envelope!)

 

Alrighty, Disc Three contains three episodes: Thicker Than Water, The Fourth Hand, and Let The Games Begin, and NATALIE ZEA FINALLY SHOWED UP YOU GUYS I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

 

Okay, okay, one thing at a time, and here we go with Thicker Than Water, or Freudian Nightmares In Real Time.

 

We start off with Big Jim Rennie fretting over the state of his soul. Ha ha, kidding! He's sleeping the sleep of the angels but the sound of a door opening brings him, his pistol and his plaid pajama pants downstairs posthaste. He creeps through the darkened house to the opening back door, which is revealing...

 

Junior "Cannot Take A Damn Hint If His Life Depended On It" Rennie!!! Yaaaaay! I am utterly thrilled. Well, as thrilled as Big Jim, who immediately and understandably grits out "What the hell are you doing here?" as he points the gun at Junior's head.

 

"Put down the gun," says Junior, like they're playing fucking paintball or something, and that this is his house too. Um, even discounting the last week, Junior, this isn't your house. This is your dad's house that he lets you live in, or did, as Jim points out, saying that Junior's bags were metaphorically packed the last time they had a family chat. 

 

"You told me to stay away from Angie, she's not here," smirks Junior, like a kid caught with his hand on the cookie jar and pointing out that you only said he couldn't have cookies and not that he couldn't touch the jar, and Christ, if he was always like this growing up I really can't blame Jim overmuch for having all those secret whiskey girlfriends around town. 

 

Jim asks exactly how Junior knows that, Junior pulls out his "I just wanna make sure she's safe" creepster Valentine that he waves around every time Angie's mentioned, and Jim retorts he guesses that's why Junior rendered the Dundees into dogmeat earlier today? Oh, yeah, he knows about it, and goes off on this Law and Order tangent that is frankly pretty laughable considering who's talking here. Not only has Big Jim Rennie been running this town like his combination fiefdom/bitch mistress for years, he's the one who told Linda to "find" the Dundee boys with the clear implication being he was personally going to remove their limbs from their sockets for the murder of Rose.

 

Junior agrees with me (ugh...shivering...so cold...so cold...) and said Dundee got what he deserved. Jim says he wasn't planning on sending them on a skiing holiday, it was Junior playing Lord High Executioner that's the problem; he's not right in the head. "You sound just like your mother did at the end."

 

Whoops, THAT was the wrong button to push, it was. The rest of this plays out in the starkest Freudian terms possible, with Junior rasping "please don't say that" like he's going to turn into the Hulk and Big Jim saying that Junior's no son of his and to get out. Wowsers, most dads and sons just argue about putting gas in the car. Junior turns away from the open back door that he just came in (what?) and walks further into the house, only turning to grit out that Jim is never to talk about his mother that way again, ever. Okey Dokey, Oedipus, I guess you're going to tunnel out from the fireplace womb, or what?

 

But enough of that, time for the worst CGI butterfly ever! It is SO BAD. It flutters its little terribly rendered wings downwards, spiraling and flitting towards--Barbie, digging a very neat and orderly grave for Alice. Ugh, this is clearly not the first time Barbie's had to do this. 

 

Julia comes out with a drink and some further sex/death metaphors, saying he's good at that with the military corners, Barbie says she's thinking about a bed, and Julia smirks "same shape." OKAY, WHAT THE HELL? Seriously, Freud would spit his cigar out of his mouth if he heard that. Barbie asks if Carolyn and Dorrie are ready and Julia says they haven't come down yet. "It's strange, isn't it?" Julia muses. "Alice dies, a baby's born...." yeah, that was strange, especially considering that Asshole Dome set that whole chain of events in motion. "...circle of life," Julia concludes, walking back towards the house. From the babblings of the Id to The Lion King, I guess. This is also the last time this particular weirdness, or the baby (the premature baby, BTW) will be mentioned for the next three episodes. So, fuck that particular Circle of Life right in its plot development.

 

Inside Life and Death Castle, Angie is fretting and fuming over there being one egg left (oooooh! The egg has a double agent in the refrigerator! Also, don't they have a whole flock of chickens? They should be having twelve egg omelettes three times a day) and harping on Joe about not going shopping and his new girlfriend. Joe wastes some time clarifying his adorkable little relationship and anyway, he can't go shopping since all the stores are looted, so there. Angie asks why the hell he didn't get down there for Looting Days and Joe says that's stealing. He is so darling. It's like the producers dressed a little baby harp seal in a tee shirt for this scene and propped it up on the counter. 

 

Joe squeaks that he's never stolen anything, has she? and Angie is all, have you met me? Her story about boosting lipstick is interrupted by Joe suddenly (and FINALLY) demanding to know where the hell she's been for the past week. Angie, remembering that whole "Keep Junior Crazy under wraps" promise she made, smirks weakly that she's always been a screwup, and Joe says he never thought that (OOOOOO MY GOD HE IS SO CUTE) and Angie, ducking the question, heads into the hall, saying come on, we'll go to the diner and get something to eat. 

 

In the hall the two run into Dorrie, whose grief and guilt have crashed her right back into LA Bitch mode. Joe asks how she's feeling and Dorrie's all my mom just died so SWELL. He asks if she wants something to eat and shouldn't she and Dorrie bites his head off, stomping into the living room to try to pretend she doesn't care about her entire life crashing in on her. (Where is Carolyn, by the by? You know, Dorrie's other parent?)

 

Diner. Angie is pouring Julia a cup of coffee, which she accepts gratefully, saying the diner is the only place left in town with any. Um, if that's true there should be a roiling mob surrounding the place that makes The Walking Dead zombies look like a cricket game in the fifteenth side. Angie and Julia's Last Of The Coffeeklatch is interrupted by Big Jim, just stopping by for whatever, ya know. He observes that they let themselves in and Angie's all you gave me the key so shut up and by the by, guess who let himself in last night? Your nutbar son!

 

Jim hustles her to the back (there's an open window between the kitchen and the diner, guys, that's not going to do much good) and they have a hissy little whisper fight about Jim's promises and what he's going to do to make it up to her (Angie, now would be a good time to ask for a DAMN GUN.) But instead, she says the diner needs food, they're almost out. Um yes, like every other place and person in town? She says it would be good to open this place up again, it's what Rose would have wanted. Well, Rose was a terrible businesswoman and is currently dead, so maybe better reasoning then that?

 

Jim just nods, though, and says he'll talk to Ollie Densmore and they'll come to an arrangement, that the day's coming when they'll have to grow anything they eat, so they've gotta be smart. "You think the Dome's going to be here forever?" asks Angie, gloriously missing the point. Angie, YES. Your town has been utterly abandoned by the outside world (Seriously, remember how China was going to nuke us or some such shit?) and there's no indication that anything's going to change. Jim is completely correct in that no matter what ends up happening with the Dome, people have got to plan long term, if only to stave off utter chaos. 

 

Jim thinks for a second, decides against trying to give a seminar on situation ethics right now, and walks out, tersely greeting Julia on the way. Julia and her Last Cup sit down with Joe and ask what he's working on. It's pretty clearly dome shaped but Joe says it's nothing and completely unsuspicously crumples the paper, tossing it away. It rolls along the floor 

 

And we cut to a zoom shot onto Baby Dome! Art-y! The wind blows the leaves and dirt off it, revealing Disco Egg. Disco Egg clearly has plans.

 

Opening Card. That was eight minutes twenty two seconds to the opening card. Under The Dome gets it DONE. 

 

We cut to Big Jim Rennie's shiny SUV (is he still washing his car?) as he pulls up to Ollie's place. I can't believe he thinks anything good will come of this and neither does Ollie, judging from his smirky greeting. Jim deals out a hand of "I've got what you want you've got what I want" and invites Ollie to play but Ollie (who frankly is making Junior look like a Rhodes Scholar at this point) says his relations got along without propane and DVD players and he reckons he can too.

 

Okay, Ollie, honey, sit down and answer me this. Have you ever farmed without modern conveniences? Without your tractor, for instance? Do you have a plow team? Do you have a plow they can pull? How about helping hands for planting and harvest and processing what you grow? Do your fellow farmers have such things and are they going to be as jerkoffish as you about sharing? Exactly how well do you think you're going to get along and for how long? 

 

Jim, however, does not make this perfectly reasonable argument (which, even if it didn't work on Ollie might get a gear or two grinding in his little Farmer Posse there) and snarls that he'd starve people just to get back at him? 'Course not, chuckles Ollie, but he sure wouldn't mind starving Jim out of office, and when people realize that Big Jim = Empty Tummy, why, he'll just take over. So to answer Jim's question there, yes. Ollie's one and only goal during this insane, reality tipping crisis is to get back at Big Jim Rennie, to take away what he has, power over Chester's Mill. Honestly, I have never seen such a pack of shortsighted to the point of idiocy characters. No wonder it's so easy for Jim to run this town; nobody else has the brains God gave a squirrel when it comes to long term planning. 

 

Sheriff's office. Linda's thanking Barbie for showing up and asking if he wants to be a deputy a while longer and Barbie's all don't use the D word! when they both hear something coming from the other office. The other, unlocked office with the gun safe in it. Honestly, I wish I was in Chester's Mill right this second, I would have these idiots erecting a statue to me in a fucking day.

 

Linda and Barbie creep to the door, guns at the ready, and find... Junior "Castration Anxiety" collecting a gigantic rifle from the gun safe! (That sound is Freud clawing his way out of his tomb, rasping "let me out! Let me OUT!") One of the stupider conversations of the week ensues as Junior pouts that he needs a gun for patrol and Linda's all what with the summary execution yesterday you're lucky I don't fire your ass!  (Seriously, Linda? NOW with this? This train left the station a long time ago, honey). 

 

Junior sulks so is he fired or not? and Linda says he's on probation and no gun until she says so. LINDA. This isn't kindergarten, you are not keeping him in at recess. If you're sending him out into that powder keg, he's got to have a weapon and if he can't have a weapon you can't trust him with any other part of his duties! God! I would have these morons groveling at my feet in like, twelve hours!

 

Junior, being Junior and therefore used to insane edicts, however, doesn't argue and Big Jim comes in to recruit Linda and Barbie to his latest cause, Fuck Ollie Right In The Well With A Big Ass Rifle. 

 

All righty, that's part one. Part two and hopefully three up tomorrow and then the next episode and NATALIE ZEAAAAAAAAAAA! 

Edited July 10, 2014 by Snookums

[Actionmage]

Okay, Ollie, honey, sit down and answer me this. Have you ever farmed without modern conveniences? Without your tractor, for instance? Do you have a plow team? Do you have a plow they can pull? How about helping hands for planting and harvest and processing what you grow? Do your fellow farmers have such things and are they going to be as jerkoffish as you about sharing? Exactly how well do you think you're going to get along and for how long?

Oh, Snookums, get better and never leave!  This part made me grin and nod. Granted, in fiction, there are going to be mule-headed idiots. That's where some friction/conflict comes from to move the story along.  It's just that there are so dad-blamed many of them in this one town! 

 

  Junior, being Junior and therefore used to insane edicts, however, doesn't argue and Big Jim comes in to recruit Linda and Barbie to his latest cause, Fuck Ollie Right In The Well With A Big Ass Rifle.

 

  It's funny because it's true.

 

All righty, that's part one. Part two and hopefully three up tomorrow and then the next episode and NATALIE ZEAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

If it's wrong that I hear this in Oprah Winfrey's voice? Don't wanna be right.