S23.E05: Week 5 - Thailand

[OnceSane]

Quote

Colton's search for his soulmate moves on to the tropical paradise of Khao Lak, Thailand. Thirteen determined women see this lush destination as a great opportunity to advance their individual love stories with the Bachelor. Heather is the lucky woman to get Colton's first one-on-one date: a scenic boat ride along Thailand's coast, which lands them at the "floating city" of Ko Panyi.

Airs February 4, 2019.

[saber5055]

Is it wrong that I literally LOL'd at what Colton is wearing on his date with Never Been Kissed?

Colton: "You look beautiful."

Never Been Kissed: Here's a Bachelor Handshake for you.

I suppose we're going to get a date filled with "will he or won't he kiss her" drah-ma. Gah.

Meanwhile, back at the hotel, I don't recognize 90 percent of these women.

[nutty1]

Am I the only one here?? 

Whats with the bandaid on the chin?

Elyse is beautiful. 

[JenE4]

2 minutes ago, nutty1 said:

Am I the only one here?? 

Whats with the bandaid on the chin?

Elyse is beautiful. 

Hello! I’m here! Nothing notable to write about yet—other than speculating about that chin bandage! 🤔

[nutty1]

This is awkward 

[saber5055]

So we get close ups of Colton's lips and tongue and finger licking and more lips and close ups of those super-white veneers. To increase the suspense of Will He Or Won't He Kiss Her.

"Hey, I'm here too." —TM Chopped Liver

[nutty1]

Didn’t Elyse just have a 1:1??

[saber5055]

If I were Colton, I'd send Never Been Kissed home. She's how old and has dated only one guy ever? No thanks.

[nutty1]

Does never being kissed trump being a virgin?

Edited February 5, 2019 by nutty1

[Meowwww]

Just now, saber5055 said:

If I were Colton, I'd send Never Been Kissed home. She's how old and has dated only one guy ever? No thanks.

She’s like a junior high girl, maturity-wise

[Mabinogia]

I just can't buy this whole "never been kissed" thing. 

Also, damn is Elyse good at giving stank face. It's like, I can tell she could be pretty but she just looks so bitchy, like naturally bitchy, not sad because the bach doesn't love her bitchy.

[EllenB]

Ew, just no to the too-tight sleeves, Colton.  That shrieks "Muscle-bound Meathead."

Heather, nobody's kissed you because you never shut up long enough.  And sweetie, "like" is not a punctuation mark.

Ooh, kissy-face.  Yawn.

Edited February 5, 2019 by EllenB

[nutty1]

What’s with Elyse???

[EllenB]

Guess Older Beautiful Elyse is actually Desperate Weirdo Elyse.  

[JenE4]

How did Heather date someone after college for 8 MONTHS and never kissed him? What makes that “dating” and not just hanging out with a friend?! Well, her “job title” changed to “has been kissed.”

Obviously Elyse is getting this dolled up to confront Colton. But, chill, girl! You had a 1:1. Most of these girls still haven’t! 

[SallyAlbright]

That beach scene was excruciating. Glad she's been kissed and can shut up now.

I actually liked Elyse (until tonight's episode), so she's probably leaving. 

Edited February 5, 2019 by SallyAlbright

[Mabinogia]

I don't like her, so I really hope she's getting the boot right here and now. Desperation looks good on no one sweetie. 

Did she not realize what show she signed up for? The whole premise is that he's going to be dating a bunch of chicks moments before proposing.

Edited February 5, 2019 by Mabinogia

[Mu Shu]

Ugh. This is a drag.  

[Mu Shu]

Is Elise dying? 

[EllenB]

Elyse is a potential bunny boiler.

[Meowwww]

What is Elyse getting at?  Ugh

[Mu Shu]

God I keep posting in the wrong thread.  Why is Elise acting like a dingo ate her baby?

[saber5055]

WTH, Elyse has never seen this franchise? Send her stank ass home, stat.

[nutty1]

I don’t know what just happened?!

[saber5055]

Now Elyse says walking away was a huge mistake and she really regrets it.

What, is this a rerun? I've seen this act before.

So will she come back in a couple episodes? We've seen that before too.

Oh, now Colton is insecure! It's his Worst Nightmare! -tm

[noveltylibrary]

Actually the smartest contestant I've ever seen.

[JenE4]

“I can’t call Chris Harrison and tell him to give me every 1:1 for the next year.” Hmm. Maybe that’s the loophole—no one has ever asked! Okay, Elyse seems very serious about this—call off the show and choose me or I’m leaving, basically. Colton isn’t even trying to talk her into staying. Well, that’s good that she debuted her best new dress for the good-bye and ride to the airport. She TOTALLY played herself out—fake-ass ultimatum and he called her bluff. Bye, Felicia. We’ll probably see you in Paradise.

[Riplet68]

That started out as a “tell me I’m the one and I’ll stay,” to, “he can’t ssy it either contractually or because he’s not feeling it, I gotta save face.”

[Mabinogia]

I just looked up pathetic in the dictionary. There was a picture of Elyse.

When he didn't get a woody when she showed up in her nighty she knew she wasn't making it any further and tried to get out before he kicked her out. 

[LakeGal]

I don't think Heather was dating the guy for 8 months. She thought they were dating. But he just thought they were friends.

[JD5166]

15 minutes ago, nutty1 said:

What’s with Elyse???

She peaked too soon...she’s a peaked too sooner! 

I wish to never hear “I got in my own head...” ever again. I wish they had a sound effect of one marble clanking around in their empty heads. 

[Mabinogia]

I think he's more worried that another girl he likes is going to do the same thing than he is that Elyse left. 

[nutty1]

I hate these self video things with Colton. 

[saber5055]

LOL! Colton now is doing a Mesnick on the balcony about Elyse except he's eating breakfast things, looking around blankly and belching slightly. Plus he's digging things out of his teeth with his tongue. I don't think that's how The Mesnick is done, Colton. I'm not "feeling it."

8 minutes ago, LakeGal said:

I don't think Heather was dating the guy for 8 months. She thought they were dating. But he just thought they were friends.

I dated a guy for several months, and yes, we were dating. But we never kissed. That doesn't mean I wasn't kissing the other dozen guys I was dating though.

Edited February 5, 2019 by saber5055

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

LOL! Colton now is doing a Mesnick on the balcony about Elyse except he's eating breakfast thinks, looking around blankly and belching slightly. Plus he's digging things out of his teeth with his tongue. I don't think that's how The Mesnick is done, Colton. I'm not "feeling it."

He's trying to make the Mesnick his own. He's failing. 

[EllenB]

"My friend Joe" = Thai dude production hired who I've never met before.

[Mabinogia]

So, Colton is the prissiest girl of them all. 

[saber5055]

LOL that Colton is a slack-jaw freaked about the gals grabbing a snake, eel and scorpion. And he wants a woman who can keep up with him in the outdoors? You are too funny Colton. These women are kicking your ass, you pansy.

[SallyAlbright]

Hannah G. is adorable. I hope she doesn't "win" because she'd make a good Bachelorette. I also love how awkward she looks on all these outdoorsy dates. 

[saber5055]

3 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

He's trying to make the Mesnick his own. He's failing. 

Like on The Voice when singers are told to make that song "their own."

[Mu Shu]

Lol, Demi is an asshole, but she’s right. When will they ever need to surviving the jungle?  Stupid date. 

[JenE4]

Demi and the Hannahs taking the cart back to the hotel bar for drinks and food!!!! Love it!!!!

[Mabinogia]

I have to admit, I kind of love Demi. I think it's all just a game to her, and this show is so ridiculous that I appreciate that she's not taking it seriously at all. 

[Riplet68]

Why do they all have white nail polish?  Also, love they obviously had to get some of the girls better shirts because of the rain

[EllenB]

Damn it, show, you're making me like Demi!

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

When will they ever need to surviving the jungle?

Didn't we endure this same "survival" date last season? I guess this is going to be SOP for all seasons now.

1 minute ago, EllenB said:

Damn it, show, you're making me like Demi!

Well, that's gotta stop.

[Mabinogia]

Just now, saber5055 said:

4 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

When will they ever need to surviving the jungle?

Didn't we endure this same "survival" date last season? I guess this is going to be SOP for all seasons now.

They should just merge Survivor and Bachelor. One man, 25 women all in the jungle together doing challenges and going on dates. The girls vote for two candidates to go home, they both get to plead their case to the Bachelor and then he sends one home. 

[JenE4]

2 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

I have to admit, I kind of love Demi. I think it's all just a game to her, and this show is so ridiculous that I appreciate that she's not taking it seriously at all. 

 

Just now, EllenB said:

Damn it, show, you're making me like Demi!

I think Demi is probably the best “villain” ever. I almost feel like production HAS to be feeding her all of these great ideas/lines, but no one in Bachelor History has been able to pull it off with such finesse. She’s just funny and doesn’t care—not like intrinsically evil or anything. Demi is definitely making my top Wrong Reasons list of all time. She needs to be on every season of Paradise until she ultimately marries some Bachelor Family reject.

[Mabinogia]

2 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

I think Demi is probably the best “villain” ever. I almost feel like production HAS to be feeding her all of these great ideas/lines, but no one in Bachelor History has been able to pull it off with such finesse.

Exactly. Unlike all the villains before her, Demi is actually a pretty good actress so she can pull it off without being painful to watch. She's a fun villain because she's having fun being a villain. 

[Riplet68]

I like that Colton doesn’t say “like” every other word.  I totally don’t feel any chemistry with Tayshia even though they seem to think it’s there.  She just seems to be acting.  I don’t like Hannah b.  She seems very mean girl.  This is the first episode I’ve watched any length of.

there are some pretty icky outfits on this group date (night)

Edited February 5, 2019 by Riplet68