S23.E02: Week 2

[OnceSane]

Quote

Colton's search for love starts with laughs, surprises and intense face-offs between the women. The first date of the season has eight hopeful bachelorettes sharing personal stories about their "firsts" and coached by happily married masters of comedy Megan Mullally ("Will & Grace") and Nick Offerman ("Parks and Recreation"). Hannah B. scores the first one-on-one date on her birthday, including dinner on The Queen Mary.

Airs January 14, 2019.

[Ms Blue Jay]

Hey everyone!

I figured out who Miss (Whatever) looks like!  (North Carolina?)
The actress Alexis Dziena!!!

By the way, I know people seem to like (Cassie?) but man she says "like" a lot.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Armchair Critic]

Just saw in the preview Billy Eichner will be on there telling Colton one night stands are great. LOL

[dizzyd]

Yay, live thread again! 1st group date: they're going to tell stories of their 1st, but he's never had a 1st 😉

[Ms Blue Jay]

Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman are there.

[tennisgurl]

Oh yeah, more Nick and Megan, and less Colton! I saw them in a comedy show a few years ago, they were very raunchy, but hilarious! I met them afterwards, they were so nice! They let me pet their dog :) 

Nick apologized to my mom for using bad language lol

Edited January 15, 2019 by tennisgurl

[dizzyd]

How much did Nick and Megan get paid so spout crap such as "I need to take tips from Colton"? I didn't think there could be a sufficient price.

[JenE4]

Colton tries some new selfie video technique, and this is just a bad idea without a producer asking leading questions. What you talkin’ ‘bout, Colton?!

ACTUAL famous people!! This is the first in Bachelor History. Clipping velvety blossoms?! Oh, dear. This is giving me the vapors.

[nutty1]

What was that beginning with Colton in bed?  He seemed drunk or hungover or just couldn’t read the cue cards?!

[tennisgurl]

Hahahaha, she called Colton white bread! She is my favorite so far by a long shot!

[Armchair Critic]

1 minute ago, nutty1 said:

What was that beginning with Colton in bed?

Probably supposed to be sexy but it did nothing for me

[Ms Blue Jay]

13 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

ACTUAL famous people!! This is the first in Bachelor History.

Well, Mila and Ashton were on The Bachelorette!

[dizzyd]

1 minute ago, JenE4 said:

ACTUAL famous people!! This is the first in Bachelor History. 

They had Mila and Ashton on Rachel's season, but technically that was Bachelorette.

[tennisgurl]

Mention of virginity! *drinks*

[Ms Blue Jay]

Did these women really say "drownding in bitches"?  Like with a D in the middle of drowning?

[nutty1]

I get Hannah G and Cassie mixed up. Bri reminds me of Lauren B. 

[Armchair Critic]

Just now, Ms Blue Jay said:

Did these women really say "drownding in bitches"?  Like with a D in the middle of drowning?

None of them were picked for their intellect

[nutty1]

6 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

None of them were picked for their intellect

NOOO! Don’t burst my bubble!!

[Ms Blue Jay]

This brunette with the way too much Botox who won't shut up.....

Omg.  Now the redhead (Elise).  I'm in my 30s, so I don't care what age they are, the older the better!  But my HDTV shows all the plastic and the Botox and it's really hard to see!  She looks like Lauren Holly but with the Silence of the Lambs mask on.

This insane brunette person (TRACY) is just making me Team Demi.  I think that's her name.  The one with the felon mother.

Wow this girl with the twin brother is falling HARD!!!  All the way down.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Mu Shu]

Wow, the 32 year old was brave to “admit” her advanced age.  Though she is far too old in experience than Colton, who is probably skewing the up to 25 age range. Also, a redhead made it last night one?

i think I like Stacey (?) the normal looking brunette.  She’s fairly natural looking and seems down to earth.  

[JenE4]

9 minutes ago, nutty1 said:

I get Hannah G and Cassie mixed up. Bri reminds me of Lauren B. 

How do you ONLY get 2 people mixed up at this point?!? I couldn’t even name 2 people yet.

[saber5055]

Not surprised Nick Offerman is raunchy IRL. Here is a link to an early head shot he sent out with resumés, courtesy of Buzzfeed. But please, please, do not click on that link unless you are prepared to be grossed out. Seriously.

All these whiny baby nasal voices are going to put me over the top this season.

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, JenE4 said:

How do you ONLY get 2 people mixed up at this point?!? I couldn’t even name 2 people yet.

There is a redhead who looks like Lauren Bacall.  She’s my new favorite.  Very unique compared to the rest.

[nutty1]

Elyse is a breath of fresh air, with her red hair that isn’t straight and parted in the middle. 

Demi’s laugh....OMG!!

[Scarlett45]

I think Nicole is pretty, and as a Sib myself I get how she feels about her brother; but the “they are such an inspiration” line from Colton- barf inducing. That phrased is filled with such ableism. I don’t think she was that broken hearted over Colton not giving her a rose though. 

[Mu Shu]

Maybe Colton didn’t like being stereotyped, idiot.  I hate that shit. 

Demi is a little snot.  I thought she would be more fun nasty and not so immature nasty.

Redhead Lauren Bacall is hot stuff. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

16 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I think Nicole is pretty, and as a Sib myself I get how she feels about her brother; but the “they are such an inspiration” line from Colton- barf inducing. That phrased is filled with such ableism. I don’t think she was that broken hearted over Colton not giving her a rose though. 

Well, she was crying.  I think she seemed brokenhearted for sure.

Man these girls seem NUTS over Colton.  And this is just episode 2.  Those looks of STONE when Hannah went on the date.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[saber5055]

Ha ha, Colton is driving a 1968 IH Scout on the date!

They get off the horses and then just walk away, while the horses walk away in the other direction. LOL about how they get back.

Edited January 15, 2019 by saber5055

[Armchair Critic]

Colton is a butterface, he better hang onto his thinning hair for dear life.

[bosawks]

Miss Alabama and Miss North Carolina throwdown!!!!

Pageant drama!

Don’t judge me, it seems more exciting than Colton complimenting people’s teeth...

[Mu Shu]

Where are they even at right now?

[tennisgurl]

Nicole seems cool, but I dont know about her and Colton. He might be a bit too basic for her, even if she seems rather smitten right now. 

Demi is gonna be THAT girl, you can tell. 

Pageant drama! That sounds about right for a Colton season.

[Ms Blue Jay]

Ok I hate Hannah already.  Hahahahhahahahahahahahahaah.  

Edit:  What the fuck is wrong with her!!! hahahaha

Edited January 15, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[JenE4]

A daybed in a desert? This is a 2:1 left to die alone setting right here.

[Scarlett45]

5 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Well, she was crying.  I think she seemed brokenhearted for sure.

I meant that her emotions weren’t driven by a deep affection or interest in Colton, but if anything wanting to be “win” for the sake of “winning”.  

[ECM1231]

Oy, what an air head Hannah B is! Can't even come up with a toast!

[Scarlett45]

Hannah’s bathing suit is cute. 

[dizzyd]

So the only reason she's not getting cut is coz it's her birthday!

[tennisgurl]

Good lord, Hannah cant get one damn sentence out without awkwardly giggling! This is awkward central!

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Ok I hate Hannah already.

I sort of think Colton feels the same way.

2 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

A daybed in a desert? This is a 2:1 left to die alone setting right here.

Is it the same one from the other "left to die in the desert" dates? Sounds like it's going to happen to Hannah too. It's the Curse Of The Desert Daybed!

[Mu Shu]

I just burned my mouth eating eggplant, what did I miss?

[clubsauce]

Wait,  Colton is a VIRgin??????

[saber5055]

Is Hannah one of the Beauty Queens?

Colton is "glad he is a virgin" *drink* because otherwise he would not be on this show.

Edited January 15, 2019 by saber5055

[tennisgurl]

Hannah B. on her perfect date: "Thats a tough one, I`d have to say April 25th..."

[Mu Shu]

Just now, saber5055 said:

Is Hannah one of the Beauty Queens?

Miss Carolina or miss Dakota, I think.

[Armchair Critic]

He accidentally ended up a virgin? Sure Jan.

[dizzyd]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

Is Hannah one of the Beauty Queens?

She's Miss Alabama Crimson Tide. She needs to go down!

[GracieK]

I’m a bit behind everyone else.. but omg Tracy get a grip. It’s a group date rose, not the Shroud of Turin.

[Ms Blue Jay]

13 minutes ago, Armchair Critic said:

He accidentally ended up a virgin? Sure Jan.

I remember this speech from The 40 Year Old Virgin first.

[tennisgurl]

Christ, I heard less about virginity when I was in Catholic school!