Hoarders - General Discussion

[sainte-chapelle]

She is continuing with therapy…I’m shocked.  Goodnight all!

[Suzywriter]

We got through it!! Night all!

[Pepper Mostly]

Julio: "And now she can build on it"

Pepper Mostly: To stuff that place with more aromatherapy oils and healing stones as quickly as possible. 

Made it! Good night peeps!

[Mollywolly555]

The cousin needs  therapy for her own trauma with the occurrences in this episode and to figure out  how to deal with Darlene' in the future so as not to sacrifice her own mental health. 

I got Sarah Jessica Parker vibes from Darlene so she may think it's cute or ok to act ditsy.....on top of her everyday compulsive overthinking, woowoo remedies, and arrested development.  

[CrazyInAlabama]

 

This is Season 14, Episode 3 (not according to some cable guides). 

Is Sarah the therapist kidding?  "What's triggering Darlene", everything triggers Darlene, and she has to be the center of attention all of the time.  The cousin Micaela should just leave, and not look back.   Paul isn't Darlene's friend, he's just enabling, and helping her stay in the hoard. 

Sarah and Julio can't do anything to help Darlene. 

The hockey cards are a great find, but I bet she'll hold on to them forever, and use them for an excuse to hold onto everything because it might be valuable.  

Darlene isn't impressed with the auctioneer, is she?   And Darlene again turns it into another chance to be the center of attention, and refuse to sell anything.  So, Darlene gave up a few cardboard boxes, and kept everything else.   This was a total failure as a clean up.   

Darlene cutting off the collectibles man is ridiculous.   Keeping the Wayne Gretzky card because it might increase in value sitting in the basement is ridiculous.  

So Sarah the therapist thinks a deck piled high with plastic bins is progress?  It's just churning.  Also, nothing upstairs was moved, or organized.    

I don't think Darlene accepting aftercare is positive.  I think that just means she has a captive audience to vent to, and to indulge her.    I see no hope in this case.  

 (Next Week it's Jim, and I think that's the one Dorothy the organizer was on.  So, Season 14 Episode 4, but not according to the cable guide.   

Then on 6/26 Rosela "Roz", Season 14, Episode 5 She sounds interesting, one of 13 children, after her marriage broke up, the next partner is a hoarder, and they both hoarded the house, and now she is on Hoarders). 

 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[Stevie Nicks]

5 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

 

So Sarah the therapist thinks a deck piled high with plastic bins is progress?  It's just churning.  Also, nothing upstairs was moved, or organized.    

I think she figured since they got her sleeping back in the house, got rid of some of the cardboard boxes and got her kitchen working again that was progress. It won't last, but yeah. 

 

 

 

 

[Burning Rubber]

I never thought I'd say this about anyone, but Darlene needs to join a cult with a charismatic leader who takes away her mental, physical and financial agency.

It would be best if done through rational legal and medical channels but that's never happening  

She is a candidate to surrender to a cult.

I don't know what money she has, but it's being pissed in the wind. She cannot make any decisions. 

She need to be in an empty room somewhere robotically reciting mantras.

[FormerMod-a1]

I want to know why Darene had to take care of her mom from such a young age?  Changing her diapers? helping her up and down?  Where was the father or grandparents?  Also what about nursing homes or home health aids? This is Canada, not the US where it could be prohibitively expensive. 

[Elizzikra]

12 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

MANIC PIXIE LOONIE

Great name for a band.

 

12 hours ago, Eldemarge said:

Man, this lady is triggering my anxiety and I just got here.

Yeah - this one was tough for me too. I have a family member going through a pretty major mental health crisis right now and I’m trying to be a support person. This was just too much for me. I was exhausted just watching.

 

11 hours ago, Suzywriter said:

Sorry, the trauma excuse doesn't fly. I've met people who lost their whole family in Rwanda while they hid in a chimney, then starved in a jungle for 3 months before reaching safety.  My own trauma is about 42 to her scale of 1-10. 

It actually makes perfect sense to me. She struck me as having many characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder, which many people develop as a result of trauma, including child neglect. The whole intense fear of abandonment and feeling like no one was supporting her is very common with BPD. Plus everyone responds to trauma differently. Some people have an almost superhuman ability to work through it nearly unscathed and others much less so. If we could bottle resilience and sell it, we could make a fortune.

14 minutes ago, aquarian1 said:

I want to know why Darene had to take care of her mom from such a young age?  Changing her diapers? helping her up and down?  Where was the father or grandparents?  Also what about nursing homes or home health aids? This is Canada, not the US where it could be prohibitively expensive. 

I wondered that too. She said Dad “did what he could” but he was “at the Legion” a lot. So his six year old is taking care of his severely disabled wife and he’s knocking back pints down the street. What a gem. I’m guessing there is a reason he wasn’t on the episode.

No idea why they didn’t seek outside assistance or why other family members didn’t rally around a bit more.

[Hedgehog2022]

I was exhausted after this episode...good lord! The manic behavior was through the roof. Darlene needs intensive therapy and some meds. Everyone has let her down...it's understandable that she would have some mental health issues after going through these kind of traumas as a child. Seems like no one stepped up to help this family out including the father that seemed to be totally unplugged and maybe had a drinking problem. It is shocking that no one stepped in to help this family...no social workers, no health aides, no extended family...just totally unacceptable.

Having said this...she really needs have a thourough mental health examination and diagnosis. There needs to be some sort theraputic plan for her and maybe some medication prescribed to deal with her mood swings and anxiety.

Her hoard wasn't as bad as some others but it was still extremely problematic. Especially the living out on her deck...I wonder if the neighbors had reported this. Her lawn was really awful with all the overgrown grass and weeds...that would have been enough for me if I was her neighbor.

[Maisiesmom]

Okay, I will admit this poor gal needs some serious help. I also have an anxiety problem but sweet baby Jesus she is off the rails! Does she really think all her potions and oils are going to help her? I wanted to reach thru the tv and pour some Xanax down her throat. So frenetic, dashing from one thing to another-not listening to what the people who are trying to help her are saying. And this Paul(?) guy struck me as some kind of fake guru who is taking advantage of her. If I was the cousin who was trying to help I would have said fuck it and walked away. I see why she doesn't have many friends-who could deal with that manic behaviour more than a few minutes at the most. I hope she gets some help or else she will be another sad homeless person living on the street.

[JudyObscure]

I told my husband if he ever wanted to get me out of the way by having me committed, just drive me to Canada and have me spend the day with Darlene.

She is everything I can't stand to be around rolled up in one soggy cardboard package.  Interrupting everyone with nonsensical talk, asking them questions and then not letting them answer, making every little thing about her and her feelings, pontificating about crystals, essential oils, pendulums and the healing arts without every asking herself why she's still a total mess.  Never listening to a single person including the therapist and organizer. 

I take everything she said about changing her mother's diapers while her father was down at the Legion with a big grain of salt.  Maybe that happened once.  Because this is the woman who can look out her front door at 20 people who have come to help her and cry about how no one came to support her when they knew how she struggles. If the camera hadn't been there we would believe she had been left alone all day.

I also expect she did make-up for the entertainment industry one time and has been on unemployment ever since.

No wonder her friends leave after a while, I'm sure anything less than constant phone calls, hand holding and hugs would be construed as abandonment. 

Poor Sarah thought Darlene was having a breakthrough when she said she had finally found a voice for her inner child, but I thought that sounded as practiced as, "I'm dealing with dead bodies,"  "I need to sit with decisions," and "I don't do negotiations."  The only honest thing she said was, "I want fun and yummy."

I had so much anxiety watching this that when that red chiffon shawl she was wearing finally came of in the boxes I almost cried with relief.  

 

 

 

[Tango64]

I’ve seen a lot of episodes, but this might be the worst case of someone with a fundamental, serious mental issue that is catered to, as if cleaning her house will fix everything. She needs so much more.

[Elizzikra]

16 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

 

I take everything she said about changing her mother's diapers while her father was down at the Legion with a big grain of salt.  Maybe that happened once.  Because this is the woman who can look out her front door at 20 people who have come to help her and cry about how no one came to support her when they knew how she struggles. If the camera hadn't been there we would believe she had been left alone all day.

 

I have no problem at all believing that she was her mother’s primary caregiver until her mother entered hospice. I think that is exactly the sort of trauma that could have resulted in some of her symptoms. Plus her cousin said this had been the case and she had no reason to lie. But I do think she has a host of other mental health problems that I hope are treated and addressed.

God bless that therapist; whatever she was smoking, I want some of it. I have never seen such patience. I would have completely lost it about five minutes in.

[Mollywolly555]

I believe that Darlene wd not be able to listen or hear what a therapist, any therapist, said with being medicated to a less manic level, and probably not even then,  sadly. 

She is seriously in need of adult protective services, but wd never trust them either. 

Sorry to say or see a lost cause.

[For Cereals]

On the older version didn’t people sometimes have pre-counseling and we were shown a follow up like months later to see if they were able to maintain?  I feel like we’re missing that in this version.  I need to know if anyone is able to change

Darlene needed serious help. I would’ve been out of patience day 1, no, hour 1.   I would be so frustrated to be her neighbor.  

[Mojeaux]

I'm starting season 13. Episode 1, Terri and Kraig. Kraig. Dude. I hate to tell you this, especially after 45 years, but she's just not that into you.

Also, they need to clean out Roy's house before they clean out hers. She's stealing her client's space.

Edited June 18, 2023 by Mojeaux

[Mojeaux]

Now on ep 2 with Tiffany and the younger sister Becky. Tiffany loves the attention and for all the reasons previously posted here, Becky doesn't want to say, "I deeply resent this woman with everything in my soul." I feel so sorry for poor Becky. Don't give a shit about Tiffany.

[CrazyInAlabama]

As I recall, Tiffany claimed she wanted to sell the house when it was cleaned out, and build a small house on a lot next to her sister, Beverly.   At the end, Tiffany decided to fix the house, and live there.   That would give her two living stories, and a big basement.   I think that she didn't think the purchase price was high enough.   Apparently, only half of the hoard was cleaned out, with a lot in the attic and other hard to reach places, so it's going slowly. 

 The house was structurally compromised from Tiffany's massive, heavy hoard of books, so that would cost a bundle to do.   Wonder where she was getting the money to rebuild the house structure?    Tiffany was living in a bedroom, at Becky's (the sister) house, but wasn't hoarding 

New, Season 14, Episode 4, "Jim"

synopsis from the show "The team helps an individual get control of his hoarding habits since he is at risk of facing another forced cleanup from code enforcement, and the experts discover that past tragedies have compounded the man's hoarding behavior."   I think this is the one Dorothy the organizer was on. 

Edited June 19, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

As I recall, Tiffany claimed she wanted to sell the house when it was cleaned out, and build a small house on a lot next to her sister, Beverly.   At the end, Tiffany decided to fix the house, and live there.   That would give her two living stories, and a big basement.   I think that she didn't think the purchase price was high enough.   Apparently, only half of the hoard was cleaned out, with a lot in the attic and other hard to reach places, so it's going slowly. 

 The house was structurally compromised from Tiffany's massive, heavy hoard of books, so that would cost a bundle to do.   Wonder where she was getting the money to rebuild the house structure?    Tiffany was living in a bedroom, at Becky's (the sister) house, but wasn't hoarding 

I remember that too. Tiffany was not only going to build a smaller house but was going to build a house that was better suited to her needs (lower, more shallow counters, etc.). I remember thinking that it wasn't fair that she would just continue to live in the parent's house as that meant Becky would not get her half of the inheritance. Tiffany could buy out her share but I didn't have the sense that she had any money to do that. I do think that both Tiffany and Becky were stunned at how low the offer was for the house. I don't think they realized how damaged it was.

It wouldn't surprise me if Tiffany lives there and doesn't ever address the structural issues of the house, unless it actually falls down on her. While she was living at Becky's it looked like she was starting to hoard in her room (she had a ton of clothes piled on the bed) but I think Becky kept it somewhat in check; plus Tiffany could continue to acquire and store it at her parents' house. 

[sainte-chapelle]

OMG this guy looks like my FIL. He isn’t a hoarder though

[Pepper Mostly]

Hola, who's here??

[Suzywriter]

1 minute ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Hola, who's here??

!

[sainte-chapelle]

This is…so sad. 

[katycat74]

Terrible story, omg

[Pepper Mostly]

My son's roommate is a hoarder. So far she's keeping everything in her room, but her absolute slatternliness and inability to clean or contribute in any meaningful way to the living situation is causing my poor lad some serious distress. She doesn't lift a finger, just buys tons of food she doesn't cook, which sits and rots. She doesn't take care of her cat. She'll swan out and cook something while we're cleaning and just leave all her dirty dishes WHILE WE ARE CLEANING THE KITCHEN. Its really gotten worse in the last year of so. A bunch of us sat him down this past week and told him he has to tell her to go, or he has to. He hates confrontation and is an anxious mess. Its been a tough week. 

Thanks for listening all. 

[katycat74]

This guy's been through some shit, damn!!

[sainte-chapelle]

Just now, Pepper Mostly said:

My son's roommate is a hoarder. So far she's keeping everything in her room, but her absolute slatternliness and inability to clean or contribute in any meaningful way to the living situation is causing my poor lad some serious distress. She doesn't lift a finger, just buys tons of food she doesn't cook, which sits and rots. She doesn't take care of her cat. She'll swan out and cook something while we're cleaning and just leave all her dirty dishes WHILE WE ARE CLEANING THE KITCHEN. Its really gotten worse in the last year of so. A bunch of us sat him down this past week and told him he has to tell her to go, or he has to. He hates confrontation and is an anxious mess. Its been a tough week. 

Thanks for listening all. 

I’m sorry he is going through that…that is a tough situation 

[Pepper Mostly]

Jim has such a kind face. I feel so bad for him.

[sainte-chapelle]

This is fubar. 

[Pepper Mostly]

Just now, sainte-chapelle said:

I’m sorry he is going through that…that is a tough situation 

Thanks, friend. He's such a good guy, very kind hearted and sensitive. Its been very, very hard for him. I feel so helpless. 

[sainte-chapelle]

Just now, Pepper Mostly said:

Jim has such a kind face. I feel so bad for him.

My opinion might change in an hour but he just seems sad and lost. He is drowning 

[CrazyInAlabama]

2 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I remember that too. Tiffany was not only going to build a smaller house but was going to build a house that was better suited to her needs (lower, more shallow counters, etc.). I remember thinking that it wasn't fair that she would just continue to live in the parent's house as that meant Becky would not get her half of the inheritance. Tiffany could buy out her share but I didn't have the sense that she had any money to do that. I do think that both Tiffany and Becky were stunned at how low the offer was for the house. I don't think they realized how damaged it was.

It wouldn't surprise me if Tiffany lives there and doesn't ever address the structural issues of the house, unless it actually falls down on her. While she was living at Becky's it looked like she was starting to hoard in her room (she had a ton of clothes piled on the bed) but I think Becky kept it somewhat in check; plus Tiffany could continue to acquire and store it at her parents' house. 

THere's a very relevant Reddit thread about the episode, where Becky's daughter posted.    She said Tiffany wasn't hoarding in Becky's house, but Becky only had room for Tiffany to have some clothes in the guest room.   Daughter says her mother (Becky) is a hoarder too, and the rest of the guest room that wasn't shown was full of Becky's stuff.  That was the issue with Becky's marriage I think, not the sister living there. 

The daughter said that the psychologist from the show kept demanding that Becky talk to him on camera, and wouldn't stop even when Becky told him that she had a therapist, and wasn't comfortable on camera.     The niece's statements were very enlightening. 

Now to tonight's hoarder. 

New, Season 14, Episode 4, "Jim"

synopsis from the show "The team helps an individual get control of his hoarding habits since he is at risk of facing another forced cleanup from code enforcement, and the experts discover that past tragedies have compounded the man's hoarding behavior."   This is the one Dorothy the organizer was on, with Dr. Tolin. 

Jim lives in Kannapolis, NC.  Jim's house is on a big lot, but neighbors are quite close.   The overhead shot shows massive amounts in the entire yard, and the house is a level 5 hoard    He seems to think hoarding like this is a joke.    His daughter Alicia lost her job in 2019, and she's been living with him since then.   My question is why didn't she find a job, and move out?   

 Codes enforcement did a forced clean up in 2016, with a police standby.  Lien was $35,000 to pay for the clean up. 

 Alicia tells about the tauma from father's Vietnam service.   His fist child, Robbie died before he was two, leading to his first divorce, years after the child died.   Alicia's mother was the second wife.  In 2014, the second wife died, from a massive heart attack.   Then, two years later was the forced clean up. 

Jim has a girlfriend, Digna, but she hasn't been inside his home to see the hoarded yard and house. 

Jim only signed up for the show to prevent the city from doing another forced clean up and another lien for the costs.    Dr. Tolin shows up, and the stuff barely missed falling on him. 

Jim seems so reasonable now, but I'm betting that will change very quickly. 

 Dorothy is not helping Digna, she's keeping her in the hoard, and that's wrong.   Digna needs to leave the house before she colapses. Dr. Tolin asking Digna what she thinks of the house is cruel.    Are there other cats in the house, or is the daughter's cat the one that's using the house for a litter box?

Edited June 20, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[Pepper Mostly]

This guy is making me question my thrift shop/flea market/yard sale habit. Though I do try to adhere to the "one in, one out" rule pretty strictly. 

[Stevie Nicks]

So much loss. Geez. Nobody should have to bury their 2 year old. Nobody. 

[Suzywriter]

11 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

My son's roommate is a hoarder. So far she's keeping everything in her room, but her absolute slatternliness and inability to clean or contribute in any meaningful way to the living situation is causing my poor lad some serious distress. She doesn't lift a finger, just buys tons of food she doesn't cook, which sits and rots. She doesn't take care of her cat. She'll swan out and cook something while we're cleaning and just leave all her dirty dishes WHILE WE ARE CLEANING THE KITCHEN. Its really gotten worse in the last year of so. A bunch of us sat him down this past week and told him he has to tell her to go, or he has to. He hates confrontation and is an anxious mess. Its been a tough week. 

Thanks for listening all. 

She needs the intervention. Whose name is the lease in? Is she on it? Who owns the property?  We snarkers may be able to craft a plan.

[Pepper Mostly]

Just now, Suzywriter said:

She needs the intervention. Whose name is the lease in? Is she on it? Who owns the property?  We snarkers may be able to craft a plan.

I adore you. I won't derail the thread but I'll DM you! 

[Suzywriter]

7 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

This guy is making me question my thrift shop/flea market/yard sale habit. Though I do try to adhere to the "one in, one out" rule pretty strictly. 

Funny...mine just  left one day. I looked at the space that I have, and the time that I have to fix this up/display that/change the curtains, and I just  stopped. It was eerie. 

[Stevie Nicks]

Those who have watched Hoarders for years will remember him. Sad. https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/mark-pfeffer-obituary?id=32415972

[Pepper Mostly]

3 minutes ago, Suzywriter said:

Funny...mine just  left one day. I looked at the space that I have, and the time that I have to fix this up/display that/change the curtains, and I just  stopped. It was eerie. 

Oh, I hate clutter, so I don't have any hoarding tendencies. I don't have a qualm in the world about getting rid of stuff. I find it liberating. I do have a lot of plants and books and pillows and such, but no huge teetering stacks of stuff. But I love the chase. Houseguest and I went to Savers this weekend and were staggering under the weight of our purchases. (I found a vintage French Charlotte mold for $3!) I'm always on the lookout for little tables, vintage Revereware and Pyrex, old school desks (I have THREE), old dresser scarves and table runners. Its just fun. 

[katycat74]

Poor Digna! Dorothy is so worried about her. It's all just so sad.

How does the daughter live in that place? 

[Pepper Mostly]

Jim seems like such a nice person, Digna too. There is a snark desert here. I just feel so terrible for everyone. 

[CrazyInAlabama]

Chipping away at Digna is just cruel by Dorothy and Tolin.    They're going to keep pushing her until she falls over.    We're over 40 minutes into the show, and they're still wasting time outside. 

I don't think the daughter is blameless in this situation.   

I don't like how Dorothy is treating Digna, or how she's talking to Jim like he's a toddler.  So, Dinga's daughter, Jim's daughter Alicia, and Jim's brother will be helping. 

If Alicia is so tired of living in the hoard, she still lived there three years, and is that her poor cat living in there too?  Day one is the yard. 

Most of the hoarders claim they're going to sell items, but do any ever do that? 

I agree with D. (Digna's daughter), why is Alicia just sitting on her fanny watching everyone else clean up?  Alicia claims she has to have the house clean or she'll leave, so she's doing no work.  She may have a bad back, but she could still help with something.  

Digna looks like she was ready to collapse before the big argument, and she stomped away with her daughter. 

So, day 3, and didn't even touch the house inside.   Three dumpsters gone, and the back yard still has a lot of junk. 

Dorothy was wrong, when Digna and Dee wanted to leave, Elesha was blocking their way. 

Edited June 20, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[sainte-chapelle]

This is not a good situation..,he has been hoarding his whole life.

[Eldemarge]

Super late again! I was at the gym.  I don't know what's going on now. It's commercials.  I am pantsless.

[sainte-chapelle]

5 minutes ago, Eldemarge said:

Super late again! I was at the gym.  I don't know what's going on now. It's commercials.  I am pantsless.

Not a ton of snark. Very sad story so far. He was in Vietnam, came home, toddler died at home in an accident, wife divorced him, second wife died in front of him at home…a lot of trauma 

[Eldemarge]

1 minute ago, sainte-chapelle said:

Not a ton of snark. Very sad story so far. He was in Vietnam, came home, toddler died at home in an accident, wife divorced him, second wife died in front of him at home…a lot of trauma 

Oh no...  He reminds me of my ex-husband's grandpa. I'm glad to see they have Saint Dorothy there to help!

[Suzywriter]

   AArgh! I got kicked out of the forum! 

25 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Oh, I hate clutter, so I don't have any hoarding tendencies. I don't have a qualm in the world about getting rid of stuff. I find it liberating. I do have a lot of plants and books and pillows and such, but no huge teetering stacks of stuff. But I love the chase. Houseguest and I went to Savers this weekend and were staggering under the weight of our purchases. (I found a vintage French Charlotte mold for $3!) I'm always on the lookout for little tables, vintage Revereware and Pyrex, old school desks (I have THREE), old dresser scarves and table runners. Its just fun. 

PYREX! I need the red mixing bowl from the yellow green red blue set. I also want a set of pink casserole dishes. At one point, I had 26 vintage sewing machines and tons of vintage sewing equipment, but I pared it down when my life imploded. I now have around 8 including my modern (2000-2010) machines that I use for most projects. 

18 minutes ago, Eldemarge said:

Super late again! I was at the gym.  I don't know what's going on now. It's commercials.  I am pantsless.

Please eat cupcakes and stop with this gym stuff. It makes me feel guilty.

Who is the bossy auburn haired chick?

[Suzywriter]

These nagging women aren't helpful. They're like clucking hens all after the same grasshopper. 

[CrazyInAlabama]

Who is Tolin kidding?  Jim has had a forced clean out, and is about to get another one, so he's not changing.    Digna is pushing Jim too hard, he'll let her go before he lets his stuff go. 

The organizers and shrinks do anything to keep the filming going, don't they?   

Edited June 20, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama