S07.E10: From Stranger to Sweetheart

[Yeah No]

7 minutes ago, HornetKick said:

Usually men care who does the cooking, that whole it's a woman's job mentality, especially if they are bringing home a lot of bacon.

I can only speak for myself, but my husband, who is 62, definitely does NOT have that mentality or I'd never have married him in the first place.  I also think more young men like Dave and Bobby don't seem to have that mentality either.  I think it's more about a balance of who does what with younger men, not necessarily what they do.  If Dave has issues with Amber it will be because she isn't putting in nearly as much effort into chores as he is, it's not because he expects her to do them all because she's a woman.

[qtpye]

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I can only speak for myself, but my husband, who is 62, definitely does NOT have that mentality or I'd never have married him in the first place.  I also think more young men like Dave and Bobby don't seem to have that mentality either.  I think it's more about a balance of who does what with younger men, not necessarily what they do.  If Dave has issues with Amber it will be because she isn't putting in nearly as much effort into chores as he is, it's not because he expects her to do them all because she's a woman.

 

11 hours ago, Ilovepie said:

Or if they had any natural desire to learn. I spent most of my childhood with grandmothers who cooked all the time and who would have taught me if I cared, but I didn’t. I only really put an effort into learning when I had kids. I am a competent, smart woman who is a Controller, and I manage the accounting department where I work. I am not stupid, but mt idiocy with food stretches back to childhood. When I was 10 I ruined a toaster putting a peanut butter sandwich in it bc I wanted a toasted peanut butter sandwich. I put the peanut butter on first. In college I burned water. I put a non-whistling kettle on to make tea and left it for over an hour. When I came back the water was gone and the kettle was melted on to the burner (we did not get our deposit back that year). Post college, when I was close to Danielle’s age, I made a cobbler, put it in a large Tupperware bowl, and put it in the oven. My reasoning was that if you could microwave Tupperware it could go in the oven, right? It’s amazing we didn’t die from the plastic fumes when it started to melt. I did this at my current husband’s (then boyfriend’s) apartment. He still married me! All of this is to say, not everyone likes to cook, and it’s pretty easy to get by without doing it when you’re single. I don’t judge these women bc they don’t like to cook and are not good at it. The two that have made an issue of it I don’t know why bc they are both married to men who enjoy it and are good at it. Let the husbands do it and pick up the slack elsewhere - play to your strengths - it’s 2018 not 1918!

You guys are right about not giving into preconceived notions about what went on back in the day when life was way more varied than what we thought it was. I do think that both of you probably had partners that cared about you and they overlooked your flaws and celebrated your strengths, which I am sure you did for them as well. The problem is Dave does not have this type of affection for Amber. I do see them as the Ryan and Jackie of this season. This means they might stay together on decision day for a bigger payout, but will call it quits around the year mark (or earlier but not officially announce it until a year has passed).

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, qtpye said:

 

You guys are right about not giving into preconceived notions about what went on back in the day when life was way more varied than what we thought it was. I do think that both of you probably had partners that cared about you and they overlooked your flaws and celebrated your strengths, which I am sure you did for them as well. The problem is Dave does not have this type of affection for Amber. I do see them as the Ryan and Jackie of this season. This means they might stay together on decision day for a bigger payout, but will call it quits around the year mark (or earlier but not officially announce it until a year has passed).

Oh for sure, if Dave really cared about Amber he'd be enthusiastically doing the chores without complaining the way Bobby is doting on Danielle, but my point in response to hornetkick's generalization about men was that not all men even from my generation have expectations that women do all the traditional "women's work", and it doesn't look to me like Dave and Bobby do either in general.

[LuvMyShows]

4 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Oh for sure, if Dave really cared about Amber he'd be enthusiastically doing the chores without complaining the way Bobby is doting on Danielle

But it's not that simple.  Bobby is accepting the chore inequality with Danielle (where he does far more) not just because he "really cares" about her, but because he recognizes a different inequality, which is the commuting distance (she does far more).  He is doing his part in response to the part she is doing.  If Danielle did not have a longer commute, I don't believe that his "really caring" about Danielle would cause him to "enthusiastically" carry the lion's share of housework without complaining, in the absence of a corresponding cause/comparable burden for Danielle.  I absolutely believe that he would complain, and rightly so. 

And that's the difference...with Dave and Amber, there is no comparable inequality in their situation to account for Amber's slacking off on the chores.  It's simply that Amber isn't doing her share, even for the things she said she'd do.  I don't blame Dave one bit for complaining, and if it was the other way around, Amber would be complaining...as would Bobby or Danielle if they were in Dave's situation/shoes.

[Ilovepie]

2 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

And that's the difference...with Dave and Amber, there is no comparable inequality in their situation to account for Amber's slacking off on the chores.  It's simply that Amber isn't doing her share, even for the things she said she'd do.  I don't blame Dave one bit for complaining, and if it was the other way around, Amber would be complaining...as would Bobby or Danielle if they were in Dave's situation/shoes.

I agree - I actually think Dave would rather that Amber did the laundry like she said she would rather than cooking him dinner which seemed pretty painful for him watching her floundering around. I think all couples have to figure out what works specifically for them regardless of preconceived men's vs. women's chores.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

21 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I can only speak for myself, but my husband, who is 62, definitely does NOT have that mentality or I'd never have married him in the first place.  I also think more young men like Dave and Bobby don't seem to have that mentality either.  I think it's more about a balance of who does what with younger men, not necessarily what they do.  If Dave has issues with Amber it will be because she isn't putting in nearly as much effort into chores as he is, it's not because he expects her to do them all because she's a woman.

I hope you're completely right about that. 

7 hours ago, LuvMyShows said:

But it's not that simple.  Bobby is accepting the chore inequality with Danielle (where he does far more) not just because he "really cares" about her, but because he recognizes a different inequality, which is the commuting distance (she does far more).  He is doing his part in response to the part she is doing.  If Danielle did not have a longer commute, I don't believe that his "really caring" about Danielle would cause him to "enthusiastically" carry the lion's share of housework without complaining, in the absence of a corresponding cause/comparable burden for Danielle. 

And that's the difference...with Dave and Amber, there is no comparable inequality in their situation to account for Amber's slacking off on the chores.  It's simply that Amber isn't doing her share, even for the things she said she'd do. 

That's how the situation is being presented to us, the viewers.

However (and please correct me if I'm wrong about this) I don't believe Dave and Amber have ever discussed the length of her commute on camera.

Both Amber and Danielle ended up living at their MAFS hubby's place --and to me it seems logical that both women probably have longer commutes than their new husbands do, at this point.

If Amber also has an hour-plus commute to work from her newlywed place of residence --but Dave doesn't feel the way Bobby does, about helping out since he has a shorter commute--that might help to explain why Amber didn't get the laundry done.

[crazychicken]

But is Amber's commute really much longer than before marriage at the wedding they noted they were neighbors and live within a few miles of each other. Amber also has time to do HER laundry as she pointed out she does laundry she just didn't want to get married and do stuff for her husband. She was the one who said she would do laundry and clean up if Dave cooks and did the garbage, she then left the kitchen for Dave to clean in the morning and did her laundry only so does that mean Dave should only cook for himself and remove his garbage so he is not doing extra stuff as well. Amber made a point that Dave was on clean up the night she cooked so why doesn't it work both ways.

[timeywimey]

Amber's communte wouldn't be much longer. Dave lives in Deep Ellum. Amber lived in Knox Henderson. According to Google they are just 10 short minutes apart.

[humbleopinion]

Dave’s storyline is ...Will he remain married to a insecure woman that he feels the need to criticize on camera? 

In defense of Amber she was ambushed twice and she has NO control of the grievance in that exact moment of reckoning....

-her “almost” overpowering smell in the carriage ride...what was she to do?....Ask the driver to pull over so she could get wet wipes and remove a layer of her perfume? 

-neglected Dave’s laundry for 2 weeks..Amber needs to jump into her way back time machine to do his gym duds and golfing attire? Dave get over yourself and do small load of your sweaty stuff As soon as you take them off or out of your gym bag before the b.o. permeates into the high tech fibers. DAve is the type to buy the special formulated sports detergent...it really does get all the stink out better than regular detergent.

-“gym guy” This is the hardest one to defend because we have seen her acting like a woman that men grouse about over beers....the constant need for acceptance and approval.

Dave, you get on the freeway of love twice a day...enuf said...deal with the cards you were dealt or fold and walk away....

[Crazy Bird Lady]

4 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Dave’s storyline is ...Will he remain married to a insecure woman that he feels the need to criticize on camera? 

In defense of Amber she was ambushed twice and she has NO control of the grievance in that exact moment of reckoning....

-her “almost” overpowering smell in the carriage ride...what was she to do?....Ask the driver to pull over so she could get wet wipes and remove a layer of her perfume? 

-neglected Dave’s laundry for 2 weeks..Amber needs to jump into her way back time machine to do his gym duds and golfing attire? Dave get over yourself and do small load of your sweaty stuff As soon as you take them off or out of your gym bag before the b.o. permeates into the high tech fibers. DAve is the type to buy the special formulated sports detergent...it really does get all the stink out better than regular detergent.

-“gym guy” This is the hardest one to defend because we have seen her acting like a woman that men grouse about over beers....the constant need for acceptance and approval.

Dave, you get on the freeway of love twice a day...enuf said...deal with the cards you were dealt or fold and walk away....

I agree with this, Humbleopinion.

I also admire the clever way you expressed (but avoided saying explicitly) that Amber may be expressing her unhappiness, anger, and feelings of inadequacy by passive-aggressively leaving all the household chores for him to do, knowing that he'll do them because it's super-important to him to have everything neat and clean.

[DNR]

Bobby can’t be this perfect right ?

[gonecrackers]

wrong thread for me; sorry

Edited September 12, 2018 by gonecrackers

[PityFree]

5 minutes ago, DNR said:

Bobby can’t be this perfect right ?

 I am afraid he might might be the type of person who bottles everything up and then one day he’s going to snap and start screaming at Danielle.  He keeps pushing his needs down and putting Daniel’s first. She seems to be taking it for granted and if he didn’t even get an ‘ I love you’ back? That’s got to hurt him. 

[HornetKick]

On 9/9/2018 at 10:29 PM, Yeah No said:

I can only speak for myself, but my husband, who is 62, definitely does NOT have that mentality or I'd never have married him in the first place.  I also think more young men like Dave and Bobby don't seem to have that mentality either.  I think it's more about a balance of who does what with younger men, not necessarily what they do.  If Dave has issues with Amber it will be because she isn't putting in nearly as much effort into chores as he is, it's not because he expects her to do them all because she's a woman.

Yeah I was only speaking from experience from the couples I know and the men in these particular cases are very well off and the women are stay at homes moms. They are expected to cook, which isn't even debatable for some men. Again, just the people I know.

[Yeah No]

On 9/10/2018 at 2:57 PM, LuvMyShows said:

But it's not that simple.  Bobby is accepting the chore inequality with Danielle (where he does far more) not just because he "really cares" about her, but because he recognizes a different inequality, which is the commuting distance (she does far more).  He is doing his part in response to the part she is doing.  If Danielle did not have a longer commute, I don't believe that his "really caring" about Danielle would cause him to "enthusiastically" carry the lion's share of housework without complaining, in the absence of a corresponding cause/comparable burden for Danielle.  I absolutely believe that he would complain, and rightly so. 

And that's the difference...with Dave and Amber, there is no comparable inequality in their situation to account for Amber's slacking off on the chores.  It's simply that Amber isn't doing her share, even for the things she said she'd do.  I don't blame Dave one bit for complaining, and if it was the other way around, Amber would be complaining...as would Bobby or Danielle if they were in Dave's situation/shoes.

I don't know if it isn't that simple.  In Bobby I see a guy too eager to please and make a great impression because he's head over heels for Danielle.  I don't know if it would matter that much to him whether she had a long commute or not, he would probably still be willing to pick up her slack without much complaining because he knows that's what she wants him to do, and he wants to do anything he can to please her.  This could go on for quite some time, at least until the bloom is off the rose in their relationship.  I just don't think we've seen a guy like Bobby on this show yet.   (I've actually known them in real life, BTW.)  Dave is obviously not that into Amber, plus he has the kind of personality that is picky and fussy so of course he's going to focus in on all the things Amber isn't doing and complain about it.  Even if Danielle were getting away with something, I don't think Bobby would complain all that much, at least not yet - down the road, probably.  Right now he's so full of that rosy love glow that he would probably rationalize almost anything she does.  Plus I think that if Danielle's commute were shorter she'd be doing more things around the house, so he'd have less to complain about anyway.  I definitely agree with the person that said Amber may be engaging in some passive aggressive behavior in not doing laundry, etc., in response to what she sees as Dave not being into her.  I actually have some sympathy for that if so.  I'd hate feeling like a guy is constantly dissecting me and finding me wanting.  I'd probably not be so eager to pitch in around the house either if I felt that way.

[Gem 10]

On 9/6/2018 at 10:26 AM, Meowwww said:

I still wanna know what Dave’s gym friend’s experience with Amber was!   (Terribly awkward sentence, I know.  I just woke up, coffee hasn’t kicked in yet)

I wanna know too.  How come that never came out?  Either it’s too embarrassing or Dave just didn’t ask him and is avoiding him?

[Gem 10]

On 9/11/2018 at 10:09 PM, PityFree said:

 I am afraid he might might be the type of person who bottles everything up and then one day he’s going to snap and start screaming at Danielle.  He keeps pushing his needs down and putting Daniel’s first. She seems to be taking it for granted and if he didn’t even get an ‘ I love you’ back? That’s got to hurt him. 

I can’t believe what these guys do nowadays.  In my day, the husband was King.  He went to work and I handled everything else.  Yeah, he went to the store or gave the kids a bottle here and there, but I mostly did the rest in the house.  Now that we are retired, he goes to the store, cleans up after I cook, folds clothes, vacuums, etc.  I sit on my ass and watch housewives and blog on my I pad, and I don’t care.  And, we get along just fine, haha.

Danielle is pushing it.  She should have never taken the dogs in right away.  Bobby just might explode one of these days.  Amber has to shake it up a little and do her share .. if she knows how, which I don’t think she does or wants to know.

Tristen and Mia .. I have no words.

[gonecrackers]

2 hours ago, Gem 10 said:

On 9/6/2018 at 10:26 AM, Meowwww said:

I still wanna know what Dave’s gym friend’s experience with Amber was!   (Terribly awkward sentence, I know.  I just woke up, coffee hasn’t kicked in yet)

I wanna know too.  How come that never came out?  Either it’s too embarrassing or Dave just didn’t ask him and is avoiding him?

I'm still waiting for this too as that was a turning point for them on the honeymoon. Dave seemed fine with Amber until he realized she's (possibly) the one he's heard talked about in the gym locker room. It means a lot that he said he would've backed out had he known & there's no way that isn't factoring into this passive aggressive dynamic between them.

[Gem 10]

1 minute ago, gonecrackers said:

I'm still waiting for this too as that was a turning point for them on the honeymoon. Dave seemed fine with Amber until he realized she's (possibly) the one he's heard talked about in the gym locker room. It means a lot that he said he would've backed out had he known & there's no way that isn't factoring into this passive aggressive dynamic between them.

You’re right.  I think that’s a big “ no no” in a guys mind.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

18 minutes ago, Gem 10 said:

You’re right.  I think that’s a big “ no no” in a guys mind [Amber having an -ex at Dave's gym who apparently talked trash about her].

I think you're both right about that. It did seem to be a 'turning point', and Dave pretty much said so. 

That said, I married an ex- of my high school best friend. They hadn't been engaged, or anything like that, and my friend was already married to someone else and had her first child with him.  Maybe the 'bro rules' are different for exes?

[love2lovebadtv]

10 hours ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I think you're both right about that. It did seem to be a 'turning point', and Dave pretty much said so. 

That said, I married an ex- of my high school best friend. They hadn't been engaged, or anything like that, and my friend was already married to someone else and had her first child with him.  Maybe the 'bro rules' are different for exes?

I think it depends on the situation, how serious it was, etc. Some high school relationships are quite serious. But lots of people have multiple boyfriends and girlfriends throughout high school so if you are in a smaller community, it's difficult to date someone who hasn't also dated your cousin or friend. 

 

But in Dave's case, he's way past high school and went so far as to go on televisión to find a wife, only to meet someone who dated his buddy fairly recently. I have an unmarried friend a little older than Amber who really wants to have a family. She always says if things don't work out, she doesn't want to be a desperate woman he laughs about with his buddies and his next girlfriend. I know a lot of people felt Dave was shaming Amber for having a sexual past. But her reaction made me think she was concerned what the friend would say about her. Not just because she had sex with him but because of her behavior.