S08.E14: Heaven Knows

[renatae]

On 3/21/2018 at 7:32 PM, Avaleigh said:

Okay, I'm stuck on all of the bullshit with the psychic. I'm glad that LVP and Teddi at least made it clear that they weren't buying what this charlatan is trying to sell. It makes me sad that Kyle wastes her money but I guess there's no harm in it if it makes her feel better about her mother's death.

Still, giving this lady a platform on this show is making it seem like she's okay or somehow legit. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of people spending money on something so bogus and being taken in by scam artists like Rebecca because they see affluent people who seem to think that they are the real deal. 

Dorit at least seemed skeptical so I'll give her credit for that. How is though that the majority of the women seemed to be in awe of this fake faker? How was it not painfully obvious that she was just throwing things out there and waiting for someone to take the bait? 

I love that LisaV called her out a couple of times. She wasn't rude about it, she just made it clear that her claims about having a direct line to heaven sound completely ridiculous. (Btw, does this lady only have a direct line to heaven or is she able to take calls from hell too? I admit, I wish someone had asked.)

I noticed that Kyle was the only one who didn't laugh about Erika's joke. Erika is so tacky. It's like she can't help herself.

It reminds me of Dolly Parton always joking that it takes a lot of money to look this cheap. At least Dolly has a sense of humor about her style and doesn't behave as though her fashion choices are what give her depth as a person. 

Meanwhile Erika is happy to say that women who wear flat shoes are "quitters" in her book. I work 55 to 60 hours every week on my feet, in flats, so I'm no quitter, lady. Gah, of all the comments she's made lately that one really rankles. So much for lifting up other women. 

This whole thing! Most especially, giving these charlatans a platform really upsets me. I really laughed at your suggestion someone should have asked if she received calls from hell as well!

Yes, dear Erika, please continue to call me a quitter since I found at 68 I could no longer walk in platforms, much less heels, due to arthritis and balance issues. I suppose you'd prefer if I just glammed myself up in preparation for falling and breaking my hip, you know-nothing.

The comment about the dog's brown urine was the most ignorant statement I've heard from a supposed professional in a very long time.

[walnutqueen]

6 hours ago, renatae said:

The comment about the dog's brown urine was the most ignorant statement I've heard from a supposed professional in a very long time.

Gah - I just remembered that statement and it made my blood boil.  Surely that wasn't a licensed veterinarian; I can only imagine she was some sort of self proclaimed "alternative medicine" charlatan who probably reads pet's auras to determine diseases, and heals them by laying on hands.  Your dog has a medical problem, Erica!

[Jel]

Welp, they got a urine sample. Here's hoping that pee will be analyzed according to established veterinary lab procedures and not run through the Skittles rainbow for testing.

[SCS]

2 hours ago, Jel said:

Welp, they got a urine sample. Here's hoping that pee will be analyzed according to established veterinary lab procedures and not run through the Skittles rainbow for testing.

Or poxmaker, ewww!!

[walnutqueen]

1 hour ago, SCS said:

Or poxmaker, ewww!!

Egads, that is the fucking worst commercial of all time!  It makes me gag and cringe at the same time, resulting in dry heaves that cause shoulder & back spasms.  I hate it with the power of a thousand burning nuns, and will NEVER try a Skittles.

Oh, and now I want to go steal rescue that poor doggie from Erica's clutches.  It would get better care at Casa de Deplorable than Richy McRichardson's Mausoleum, fer sure.  I have a REAL vet, who gives my animals kisses AND professional care (and she gives me the old-timer discount on everything!).

[Jel]

That Skittles commercial brings out some latent trypophobia I think.  On the one hand, it's horrible, but on the other, Skittles are very fruity. 

[Happy Camper]

8 minutes ago, Jel said:

That Skittles commercial brings out some latent trypophobia I think.  On the one hand, it's horrible, but on the other, Skittles are very fruity. 

 

Yes. This. Say no more.

Shivers.

I don't know how to take this to the Cabana board.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Happy Camper

[link417]

2 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Egads, that is the fucking worst commercial of all time!  It makes me gag and cringe at the same time, resulting in dry heaves that cause shoulder & back spasms.  I hate it with the power of a thousand burning nuns, and will NEVER try a Skittles.

This is the 2nd time I’ve seen this on the boards, is this a thing? Or just an AutoIncorrect issue?

Or is it a tongue-in-cheek reference to an AutoIncorrect issue, in the same vein of people who deliberately type “!!!1!!!one!!” ? I MUST KNOW! LOL.

Also, @sol y luna, I love how you make a point of spelling her name with a ‘C’ instead of a ‘k;’ I read it with malicious emphasis every time and it makes me smile. ?

[walnutqueen]

47 minutes ago, link417 said:

This is the 2nd time I’ve seen this on the boards, is this a thing? Or just an AutoIncorrect issue?

I guess it's "a thing".  Goes way back to the early days of TWoP, when a simple typo became an oft repeated joke of sorts. 

[BBHN]

If you think the Skittles ad was weird, check out this one:

[AntAnn]

That’s totally insane! I guess I’m not in that demographic and I’m fine with that...yikes.

[Chit Chat]

9 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

I guess it's "a thing".  Goes way back to the early days of TWoP, when a simple typo became an oft repeated joke of sorts

It was pretty funny back when it happened on TWoP!  We repeated it often then.  I remember someone posted something about the song 'Nights in White Satin,' but typed it out as 'Nights in White Satan.'  We had fun with that one too.  Probably not as funny now to those who didn't see the original posts, but I get a chuckle out of them. 

As far as that Skittles ad with the giraffe, just no!  I hate the other one too.  It grosses me out thinking about eating candy off of somebody's greasy face.  

23 hours ago, renatae said:

Dorit at least seemed skeptical so I'll give her credit for that. How is though that the majority of the women seemed to be in awe of this fake faker?

I think they were trying to restrain their laughter and tried to be respectful to her.  That would've been a tall order for me though given how odd she was.  

[methadonna]

On 3/24/2018 at 6:05 PM, Anne Thrax said:

Oh, I don't agree.  Black socks have that certain ... I don't know what.

It’s sing-along time!

Black socks, they never get dirty, // The longer you wear ‘em, they stronger they get. //

Sooooometimes, I think I should wash them, // But something inside me, keeps saying, “Not yet”

(Not yet not yet not yet ... )

On 3/26/2018 at 9:31 PM, link417 said:

Quote

I hate it with the power of a thousand burning nuns,

This is the 2nd time I’ve seen this on the boards, is this a thing? Or just an AutoIncorrect issue?

The Power of a Thousand Nuns: The E! Medium Hollywood Story:

The road to technospiritual advancement is paved with Samsungian disasters.

Until just recently, PapaG and his inner circle of charlatans have been able to keep the disaster that occurred during their early days of the 867-5309 (Starts with J) / Ooh Heaven Can Call Any Place on Earth mashup bridge experiment top secret, as it remained highly classified in The House of Vatican until a recent leak resulted in its being sold to NadirOnline by an unidentifiable anonymous source known only as Staffofthemanorofadrienne. 

 

Prior to successfully switching his unlimited plan with Horizon to the $0.99-per-minute  AscendToThetans service, Papa God, the document Notes, had limited his omnipotence to reaching out across the Galaxy 7 not to random pay-per-call cons but to a sample group of 1000 nuns, whom Papa God, of course, liked to call Sistah Nuns.

Tragically, Papa God did not understand and feared the potential of a firewall as purgatory unleashed, and, with one bad setting, ironically resulted in a three-way (call) with Daddy Satan.

 

It was here that the first trial of using technology to bridge that gap blew up in Papa God’s pocket.

Papa God, luckily, just suffered from a melted pocket.

Sistah Nuns did not fare so well, with the tragedy beginning with hundreds of simultaneous burning bushes. Having been sworn to an earthly life of poverty, the Sistah Nuns hid these spiritless androids out of Habit (starting with those who hot-ly used theirs as directed per MiKeyUltra to Pat the Pass), resulting in a quick-spreading fire of the power of a thousand nuns. 

 

Interestingly, it was only after the previously classified history was published online that Papa God’s new group of self-appointed clairvoyants, mediums, ghost-whisperers, smalls, past-life-regression therapists, larges, that E! kid, triple-Xs, and Kyle’sPsychic—whom Papa God likes to call his Dead People Daughters—could access and call up the spirits and reincarnated versions of burning-nuns-as-real-oldladyhotnewyounghousewives-who-lived-in-a-shoe.

I mean, some of the DeadPeople Daughters might have seen it online, but they TOTALLY felt the power of a thousand burning nuns before that: it just so happened that that was the same time all thousand burning nuns stopped hiding out around skeptics like Mark Cuban and moved into attics and decks and window-peeping closer to cell towers. Really.

 

So, yes, it’s a thing. NadirOnline confirmed it when the anonymous Staffofmanoradrienne first sold them the story, which happened right after the Nassir-Maloof split, an event predicted by so many Papa God 2.0 psychics it singularly proved their existence.

 

(And, upon hearing of The House of Vatican, Dorit—terrified she had missed out on the newest Money Can Buy You Class designer—raced to Canal Street Italy Fashion Week to buy herself a $5000 50/50-blend T-Shirt with a simple “Vatican” written across her breasts, so no one would miss that she was wearing A Vatican and not some Walmart Beefy-T, marinate in her flowing creative patthepuss juices, and give birth to a full new litter of only-$300-so-available-to-lowly-peons swim thongs, or at least print out the pattern on her computer and draw some lines(ofcoke) on it, which is totes just like giving birth.

Daughter Kyle’sPsychic had told Dorit that Erika already owned both a pair of the fashion house’s shorts, with “Vatican” juicily blinged in actual diamonds across the butt, and a shirt with a large gothic cross that doubled as a pocket in which to hide a baggie of ice that was manufactured and transported in a trailer designed to look like a Spanish ship, and were already hanging on Erika Joynes’s fancy clothing-rack-on-wheels, and Dorit knew she needed to keep up with the Erika Joyneses of the world).

 

So, the original tragedy almost could be blamed on typo, or at least an incorrect setting, but it was Papa God’s Typo.

And that has made all the difference.

[renatae]

On 3/23/2018 at 3:52 PM, kassa said:

Why do psychics think people take comfort from their deceased loved ones watching them?  I do all sorts of stuff I don't want my father watching. How would he know when it was a good time before popping in, or is it a supernatural case of "OMG" and averting the gaze from stuff that shouldn't be seen?

I guess I'm a quitter -- haven't worn heels higher than 2 inches since college, and at 54 my feet are in better shape than most women my age because I haven't been cramming them into a narrow triangle with all my body weight on them.  I don't personally consider feet an erogenous zone, but super fucked up feet have to be a turn off, don't they?  I wonder why their vanity never takes that into account.

I remember my great aunt always wearing high heels, even when she was in her 60's. My mom told me she was very vain about her legs and had worn heels so constantly that she apparently could not wear flat shoes any more.

[ladle]

I'm torn because the sex-positive Feminist in me is like: Erika and Tom's relationship is their business - if it works for them, great!  On the other hand, I'm not sure "Be hot, marry a much-older sugar daddy, and get on a reality show" is necessarily an empowering message or viable pathway for young women.

The scene with Lois was maybe the most I've ever liked one of the Rinna spawn.  Which is a low bar, but still. 

I actually liked Dorit's dress and hair during the brunch with Lois, so that's a first as well...

I don't want to live in a world where I can't eat French toast.