Transitions: Major Life Upheavals Ahead

[rcc]

My mother was a packrat too. When she had to move to senior housing she told her neighbor that I was throwing away all her stuff. LOL

[NutMeg]

Progressing nicely through the sorting. It actually feels good.

Bad surprise: my mom had been urging me for months to use her unoccupied apartment (which I'd love to do now for the short term), but now she's acting cagey and implying that maybe she and her husband could want to be there. Now, I know, her place, her life, her choice. But: I'm moving in freaking 10 days, after 20 years roaming the world. Why not let me known in advance I had to make other plans? Grrr.... And I'm moving with a cat, which complicates the situation somewhat...

In better news: I've sorted out a lot, both in terms of physical sorting and in planning. Still got much to do, but it's reassuring that I'm progressing smoothly and have covered the main areas (like, in addition to making sure I can import my kitty, I've had to get an export permit as well, and other random admin stuff).

I'm happy to donate so many things, from furniture to hundreds of books, but the only takers want me to deliver the items to them. No time for that (or, rather, no car, no time, don't want to spend cash that I'll need soon for so many things), so still looking for places that can pick up donations (my books are in perfect condition!).

[Cherry Bomb]

Transitions....... I have had my share of them since the age of 17. Since receiving the worst possible call you could imagine one even(well actually my older sister picked up the phone). It was the hospital saying we need to rush to the hospital because my parents were in an accident. So my sister and I rushed to the hospital but it was too late as they both had passed before we got there from the injuries from the car accident. Devastated and not knowing what was ahead for me my older sister(only 20 at the time) all of the sudden became an adult out of nowhere. She was amazing as I finished my Junior Year in High School and she was in college she talked with my Grandparents and other people on what to do to keep us together as I was still a minor. Transition #2: Leaving all the memories behind and moving into a small apartment with my sister. Sure we had the opportunity to move in with one of our Grand Moms who lived close, but her husband my Grand Pop was sick and we didn't think that was the right thing to do. My other Grand Parents lived a distance away and me going into my Senior Year of High School my sister wanted me to keep my friends and not move far away. So she made this happen, but working more hours and switching to night school and some online classes. After all that finally Transition #3 several years later: I graduated college as had my sister and I recently moved to my own place with my dog and will be starting my first year of teaching Kindergarten this Fall.

[DeLurker]

@Cherry Bomb - Welcome to the boards and glad to have you here.  I'm not sure what you and your sister went through is a transition since that seems to imply a process or stages rather than a full tilt run into a brick wall.  The word usage is meaningless compared to what the two of you have had to deal with and you both seem to have moved your lives in the right direction.  I am sure there were fears, missteps and false starts along the way, but resilience is an incredible thing and often unexpected.

[Cherry Bomb]

1 minute ago, DeLurker said:

@Cherry Bomb - Welcome to the boards and glad to have you here.  I'm not sure what you and your sister went through is a transition since that seems to imply a process or stages rather than a full tilt run into a brick wall.  The word usage is meaningless compared to what the two of you have had to deal with and you both seem to have moved your lives in the right direction.  I am sure there were fears, missteps and false starts along the way, but resilience is an incredible thing and often unexpected.

There were times I know in my Senior Year of High School I wanted to give up and without many tips to the Guidance Counselor and my sister being amazing even though I know she spent many nights crying and worrying she was my rock and really even though I am an adult is still to this day. My Grandmom also has been a huge support to us both. Yes we both succeeded in life and that is what our parents would have wanted. They didn't raise quitters in myself and my sister. 

[ennui]

On 8/7/2017 at 8:14 AM, NutMeg said:

still looking for places that can pick up donations

Try Freecycle (they have regional forums, similar to craigslist), or NextDoor (but I think you have to be invited). There are companies that will pick up stuff but they charge $, and you don't have control over what they do with it.

[Cherry Bomb]

As I sit here thinking about transitions they are really hard to deal with, but for the most part they make most people stronger in the end. At least for me that is what I found to be the case.

[NutMeg]

20 hours ago, ennui said:

Try Freecycle (they have regional forums, similar to craigslist), or NextDoor (but I think you have to be invited). There are companies that will pick up stuff but they charge $, and you don't have control over what they do with it.

I may have forgotten to say in this thread that I'm not in the US :) (I'm moving from Singapore). 

I still appreciate your input, thank you, and I'll check if there is some form of Freecycle here.

 

1 minute ago, Cherry Bomb said:

As I sit here thinking about transitions they are really hard to deal with, but for the most part they make most people stronger in the end. At least for me that is what I found to be the case.

... and sometime wiser too :)

ETA: Welcome, @Cherry Bomb!

Edited August 11, 2017 by NutMeg

[Cherry Bomb]

@NutMeg most definitely.

[theredhead77]

Movers selected - my friend hooked me up with a fantastic corporate relo company. They even pack for you (included in the cost)! My things will be in their own crate and be delivered in 6-14 days from pick -up. I want to pack most of my own things so I can do a binge purge and also it will be therapeutic to just pack up myself so the moving company dropped off a bunch of boxes and 12 rolls of tape for me. Whatever I don't have packed they will take care of on moving day.

Auto shipper selected and paperwork is in my hand for review.

Apartment selected and lease is in my possession for review. It's a bit more than I wanted to pay for an apartment but it's newer, renovated and I get a decent read off the leasing agent and leasing office. 

Electric is slated to be turned on and I am figuring out my gas "plan". That's new to me, where I am now you pay what you pay, you don't get plan to pick from.

All that's left is booking the airfare, which I'll be doing this weekend.

Edited August 11, 2017 by theredhead77
grate and crate are not the same.

[riley702]

Woo-hoo! Are you getting excited?

[theredhead77]

On 8/11/2017 at 10:07 PM, riley702 said:

Woo-hoo! Are you getting excited?

No. I am a walking ball of stress. Not sleeping well, second guessing everything.

I did find a fantastic "deal" on airfare for our flight out. First class tickets for $400ish on a red eye. After I added in the extra bag fees (I get one checked back per-person with  my credit card) and the extra legroom seats it worked out be not much more expensive then the coach + extra leg room I was going to book. I'm not going to tell my friend I did this.

I'm second guessing the apartment complex I chose. When I visited they said there were garages available for an extra $40-$50 a month. Yesterday I received an email from the leasing office that there were no garages available. Today I received an email saying there may be but they are $125/month.

I emailed them back and said they need to try to honor the price they quoted me and that I'm second guessing my decision to live there. The extra $125/month puts the rent at what a 2nd townhouse in the same complex would cost and it's way over my budget (Unless I can somehow use part of the vehicle allowance that I will receive from my company to pay for the garage to keep my car safe)

Edited August 15, 2017 by theredhead77

[rcc]

I would second guess that townhouse too. Playing games with the cost of a garage or lack thereof. Something not right with that management. When you live there and have an issue can you trust what they say to take care of it.

[theredhead77]

It's a huge apartment complex, not a private owner. The guy gave me the wrong info; I don't think it was malicious but it's enough to piss me off.

[rcc]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

It's a huge apartment complex, not a private owner. The guy gave me the wrong info; I don't think it was malicious but it's enough to piss me off.

I hope not for your sake. It's not as if you're just moving from across town. My first thought was that they know you are moving from across the country and would pay anything because you don't know any better.

[theredhead77]

The community has open parking. I haven't signed the lease yet.

[BookWoman56]

The price difference between what the guy told  you and the email info would be enough to piss me off as well; that's a significant difference. At the same time, though, try to be careful about signing up for any extra expenses until after you've moved and settled in. After my own very recent move across town from an apartment into a house, I'm finding that there seems to be a ton of stuff to buy for various reasons, and it's easy to lose perspective and try to do it all at once. Unless garage parking is a necessity for you, you may want to move in and see how your utilities run compared to your previous bills, on the other side of the country, before you commit to that kind of expense. For example, I am in TX and during the summer, the power bill at my previous apartment was often $400 or more, but around $90 in the winter. If you're used to fairly moderate power bills, it can be a shock to get that first one that is significantly higher than what you are expecting. 

[walnutqueen]

5 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

The community has open parking. I haven't signed the lease yet.

Good.

I'm still PO'd that you're leaving sunny SoCal (hee!), so I am inclined to advise you to NOT lock yourself in to a lease or a contract.  Once you live a while in your new digs, you'll get a better feel for where you really want to be.

[theredhead77]

@walnutqueen - can't get away with renting month to month anywhere. I like the area (and it's basically three months rent to break the lease). I still haven't signed it, I'm holding out until I hear back from the leasing office regarding the parking situation.

[theredhead77]

OMG. I got an email back from the leasing agent and he said after speaking with his manager they will honor the $50 / month for the garage for me. The complex just transferred management companies and I am one of a few customers who were quoted old prices because the agents didn't have new pricing and the old pricing is being honored for us. WOOT!

[Jaded]

19 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

OMG. I got an email back from the leasing agent and he said after speaking with his manager they will honor the $50 / month for the garage for me. The complex just transferred management companies and I am one of a few customers who were quoted old prices because the agents didn't have new pricing and the old pricing is being honored for us. WOOT!

That's great that it ended up working out in your favor. Was hoping it would.

[Cherry Bomb]

36 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

OMG. I got an email back from the leasing agent and he said after speaking with his manager they will honor the $50 / month for the garage for me. The complex just transferred management companies and I am one of a few customers who were quoted old prices because the agents didn't have new pricing and the old pricing is being honored for us. WOOT!

Been reading your topic here and this is great news. I'm really happy for you.

[theredhead77]

My last day of my old job was Friday. The first day of my new job was today which means I have no excuse to avoid packing. Swung by Home Depot and picked up bubble wrap and drinking glass inserts to make it super easy to pack my stemware. I have 5.5 boxes packed, mostly the little stuff that takes forever to wrap.

[JTMacc99]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

My last day of my old job was Friday. The first day of my new job was today which means I have no excuse to avoid packing. Swung by Home Depot and picked up bubble wrap and drinking glass inserts to make it super easy to pack my stemware. I have 5.5 boxes packed, mostly the little stuff that takes forever to wrap.

A big step! Congratulations.

[theredhead77]

The movers come on Friday! Cat carriers arrive today and I get the lovely task of giving my kitties their kitty xanax to make sure I give them enough and that they don't have an adverse reaction to it. 

I'm donating my appliances to Habitat for Humanity, my current stress is finding someone to disconnect my gas dryer and my washer from the water line. The friends who said they could help flaked. Currently waiting for the building mainteance guy to let me know if he can swing by and help.

Also a bit concerned about Irma impacting my flight (and also do hurricanes reach ATL??).

I'm mostly packed, now it's onto my clothing and the things I'm going to take on the plane because I'll need them immediately.

[Moose135]

4 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

Also a bit concerned about Irma impacting my flight (and also do hurricanes reach ATL??).

Shouldn't be a problem.  Looks like this is going to hit south Florida, then maybe make a turn and head up the coast.  At worst, ATL might get some rain if it heads inland, but not the full brunt of a hurricane.  Hope everything goes smoothly - good luck in your new place!

[ParadoxLost]

On ‎9‎/‎5‎/‎2017 at 0:39 PM, theredhead77 said:

Also a bit concerned about Irma impacting my flight (and also do hurricanes reach ATL??).

Hurricanes don't usually reach ATL.  They downgrade to tropical storms and put out rain.   But Irma sounds like one of the stronger ones we only get every 15 years or so.

Rewound the local news for you.

It is supposed to make its way into Atlanta on Monday night or early Tuesday.  It should downgrade from category 1 to a tropical storm in Southern GA.

Atlanta is still expecting 40-70 mph winds and 7-10 inches of rain.

Definitely enough weather that the airport will shutdown for a while but you should be ok unless your flight is Mon or Tues.

Also just about everyone in FL and GA coast under mandatory evacuation is heading to ATL.

[theredhead77]

@ParadoxLost which means I am also concerned about the lack of rental cars when I land tomorrow morning. I've had a rental reserved since August 12th.

[ParadoxLost]

@theredhead77 Hopefully real world rental car places aren't like the ones on Seinfeld.

I've got to go pick someone up from the airport tonight.   Hopefully its not too much of a zoo.

[theredhead77]

I made it to GA! There were plenty of rental cars available at 5am when I landed. Now I'm at home waiting for the storm to hit and hoping I don't lose power (I'll probably lose power).

I'm not sure where I shared the garage 'drama' but the leasing office manager ended up dropping the rent on the garage even more, down to $35/mo for the term of the lease  and gave it to me for free for September, all because of the hassle it was.

[Moose135]

Glad it all worked out for you!  Hope you don't have any serious effects of the storm.  We're getting rain and wind here in Charlotte, but not nearly what we thought we might get.

[theredhead77]

My things arrived yesterday. Kitties are happy to have their couch and kitty condo back. I'm happy to have my bed back. One staircase type bookcase broke, I sent photos to my contact at the vendor, she asked me to either send her a receipt or a link to Amazon and she'll process reimbursment. 
I quickly discovered, that despite the seemingly huge amounts of storage closets and shelves this apartment has, including a second bedroom, it still has way less storage than my old apartment and I'm kicking myself for not bringing some of the storage things I sold to friends because now I have to lug whatever I buy up the stairs or buy it on Amazon.

And this bedroom set I was going to buy post-move is only available at a chain that is local to CA. I need to call and see if they can ship it.

[NutMeg]

Hey there, I'm finally settled, give or take - still many boxes to unpack here after my transcontinental move.

Short story: it's amazing to be by myself, on my own, living on my own drumbeat etc. (yes, I do get overboard, why shouldn't I?) after such a long time being part of a family. It feels like being back to when I started working: enough money to live well, but very little responsibilities. 

Long story went through many stages. The trip and adjusting to various accommodations was not easy for my 8 year old cat (so not for me either, until she was really settled, which she is now). Letting go of the son who's been at the center of my life schedule was surprisingly easy: I was eager for him to start university, he got the one he wanted, I helped him settle then left without a thought of tear, which is weird because I had always envisioned that I would be a wreck when he left.

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm moving on too to a new place, or the fact that since the day he was born I knew that I only had him for a short time, and did my best to make the most of it, so that I know our bond is strong, but whatever, he's been settling in nicely in a new country, and me too, in another country just over a hour flight from his (Europe is great that way...).

Finding THE place took time. I'm still looking for THE couch. 

I lived in Asia for many years, and in three countries, so each time I moved I missed friends, mostly, but also cultural aspects, and really the people I was used to day to day, THAT woman who'd juice any fruit you'd want, THAT man who'd cut your hair exactly the way you want it, THE sugar cane juice place, etc.

It's exhilarating  thought to be back home. I should say that "home" here has a different meaning for me than most. It's the place I was born but never lived in much because my parents were roaming the world, until I came back to at 17 to start university and a nice career that took me to Asia, and where I'm now back to start the beginning at least of something, even if I'm not too clear yet on what that will be. 

Any additional info about the cat, the son or me, if there's any interest I'm happy to share. I was planning on a step by step but life sidetracked me.         

[DeLurker]

You sound pretty peaceful at this juncture @NutMeg - good for you!

Finding THE couch can be quite an undertaking - so many "almosts" couches that preset themselves first.  But don't compromise  - THE couch is out there!

[NutMeg]

@DeLurker, I sure hope it is! I see it in a dramatic color, dark purple or possibly dark cherry red, and super comfy :) So far, I've found either the right color or the right comfiness but not both... I'll keep looking! A friend of mine has kindly lent me two small armchairs in the meantime - totally NOT dramatic, but I'm so grateful to her. It's nice being back to where I have friends that I've known from ages, after so many years of getting to meet new people all the time, I didn't realize what I'd missed until I found it again.  

[NutMeg]

Follow up, in case some are planning or will have to go through a geographic and/or life changing move: it's not easy.

What surprised me, after months that I thought were just settling in, was the grieving that jumped on me, for what could have been, for what I left behind, for all the hopes I had that didn't blossom.

It was indeed surprising, because I had been looking forward to this change, had planned for two years and I know it's a good one for me. But I had underestimated the grief. For such a long time, I was in the planning, then the actual practical details, etc., and now that I've stopped moving it's been catching me. Outwardly, you wouldn't know: I'm happy to learn new skills, interact with new people, and I enjoy doing so. But then when I'm left alone I'm frozen in indecision with anything and everything. I know it's a phase, I know it will pass, I just wasn't expecting it.   

[BookWoman56]

@NutMeg, I think with any major life change, there will be moments of grief for missed opportunities, the familiarity of life before the change, and so forth. I no longer recall the exact quote, but in a fantasy series I used to read, a character remarked after making a huge change, that she'd previously been content with her path and was now content with a different path, but that each of those paths had contained both more sorrow and more joy than she would ever have imagined. And that comment reflects my own attitude toward major life changes; with any major decision you make to change your life, there are missed opportunities from your previous situation but also new opportunities to explore in your new setting. It's interesting to me that you ended up going back "home" so to speak. Around 8-9 years ago, I ended up moving back home to live with my parents while my father was going through various cancer treatments and my mother wasn't able to deal with everything that entailed. It was weird for me in that for much of my adult life, I had entertained the notion of moving back to my hometown, in large part because I didn't especially like the city in TX where I was living and to which I have since returned. I enjoyed many aspects of being back in my hometown, but I was also surprised at the extent to which I missed certain aspects of my life in TX.  But most of my time in the old hometown was focused on dealing with my parents' medical problems and other needs, and so now, I have zero desire to go back to the hometown because in my mind it's linked to two pretty miserable years of my life. After the two years there, I moved back to TX and again, there were moments of sadness over a few things. But I've focused on making a better life for myself where I am, even though I recognize that in 3-4 years, I'll probably end up moving to a different part of the country. 

[NutMeg]

@BookWoman56, I like your whole post, but this in particular resonates

Quote

each of those paths had contained both more sorrow and more joy than she would ever have imagined

It's funny, isn't it, how even though we know that to be true, we keep expecting things to be otherwise. I'd do well to keep it in mind :)

"Home" is a whole set of places for some of us. I've long ceased to consider the city I (mostly) grew up with as home, and I've since met a couple of other parts of the world that became more of "home" for me.

It's interesting that you had toyed with the idea of moving back to your hometown for years (and I'm truly sorry it was under such circumstances), and then ended up doing then then reverting tracks. For the longest time, I was just the opposite, in constant wanderlust, and it's only recently that I've felt the need for an old familiar place. 

Thanks again for your post, it's really helped having your perspective.   

[SunnyBeBe]

I just read your recent posts about relocating and how we surprise ourselves with how we react to where our lives' lead us. I have found that my "home" has become plural, as I have been very happy at several places.  I've had to spread myself out due to career and family obligations and though I have been sad, I have been pleased that I have so many people around in all these places.  It's brought me comfort and broadened my circle.  And, though, I still really miss the last place that I lived for about 14 years, I still get to visit the area, see friends, etc., plus, I still work nearby.  I suppose it will always hold a special place in my heart.  Returning to live in my childhood hometown has caused me to rekindle some old friendships and really get closer to my extended family.  I wasn't so sure of my decision a few years ago to make the transition, but, it was the right decision, for sure.  

[theredhead77]

This weekend marks a year since I moved. I'm certain I'm not as open minded about my new area as I could be but I am not having a good time.

I made a few friends but they only like to go to the beach / river during the day and never have an interest in going out to bars / restaurants (not clubs) or doing anything at night so I spend the overwhelming majority of my weekend nights alone. I'm not one to go out by myself either and I'm sure that's not helping my problem. Dating has been very difficult too, probably going back to the 'I don't like to go out by myself" issue. My friends know I am interested yet the same problem I had in CA I have here - people don't want to set me up with their friends yet they want to set others up with them, which means it's me, not them. 

I have a year left on my agreement and I really can't see me staying past that.

[BookWoman56]

@theredhead77, it sounds as if the move you  made may have been good for your career but not for you on a personal level. After the next year is done, will you move back to CA or have you figured out another place you'd like to be? As for not going out alone, could you promise yourself to do that on maybe a monthly basis? I have a friend who'd turned into a bit of a recluse, and he told me his strategy was to force himself to go out alone one night a week and try to be sociable with the people he met at a bar or wherever. That seemed to work for him, but I'm unsure if you would be willing to do the same thing. 

[theredhead77]

It's been great professionally. I'll go back to CA to the city I was living in. The area I was in had the highest walkable score, I could walk up a long block and be on a street filled with activity. My friends all lived super close and there was usually something going on. Here, if I want to go anywhere I have to drive or Uber. It's not like I was going out all the time but it was nice to be so close to so many options and friends.  did join the same beer league sports I was playing in CA which is how I met my new friends. Games are on Tues nights and going to the bar after, where everyone socializes makes it hard to get to work Wed. I'll probably sign up again for this season and see what happens. I figured I could get into the college football scene and posted on both my page and the page of the sports league to see if anyone had room for one more at the bar and got zero activity.

I tried to go to a bar not too far that could be my 'local bar' and tried to talk to people but whoever said Southerners are more friendly was full of crap. I became defeated and stopped going. I may try another spot but I could also just hang out at home with my kitties. The kitties do love the giant windows in my living room - they a great view of birds, butterflies, squirrels and other wildlife hanging out in the trees. I

Edited September 6, 2018 by theredhead77

[SunnyBeBe]

Theredhead77, sorry your experience in the south hasn't been so good.  Are you in a major city?  Are you a music fan? I know that I have met some really nice people who are avid music lovers and they go out to hear live music, concerts, musicals all the time. We met down front at a local concert and just struck up conversation. Most of them had come alone as their partners weren't into it. 

[PRgal]

@theredhead77: I would probably die of boredom if I lived in an area with a low walkscore!  I am NOT a fan of cars/driving and prefer city/downtown living where I'm close to transit or able to walk to run my errands!  Wishing you the best...

[theredhead77]

Well, I tried to go out and do a beer olympics run by someone I know through a sports league at a bar close to home. Asked in advance if they have "free agents" and was told yes by a co-runner. Got there and nope, must come with a team. So I went home. Nothing to remind you that you have no friends like being told you can't participate in something because you have no friends.  I fucking hate it here and want to go home, home. Now.

Edited September 8, 2018 by theredhead77

[NutMeg]

Have you looked up Internations? I know of it from international expats, but they may be good to meet recent relocates.

https://www.internations.org/georgia-expats/americans

From what I hear (and need to explore), the idea is not so much to go to broad meetups (I did, and I had fun), but more to target specific activities you're interested in.

[Brookside]

On 9/7/2018 at 6:25 PM, theredhead77 said:

Well, I tried to go out and do a beer olympics run by someone I know through a sports league at a bar close to home. Asked in advance if they have "free agents" and was told yes by a co-runner. Got there and nope, must come with a team. So I went home. Nothing to remind you that you have no friends like being told you can't participate in something because you have no friends.  I fucking hate it here and want to go home, home. Now.

Sorry that you couldn't join a team, but was there a reason not to stay as an "audience" member and enjoy the atmosphere without participating?

(Had never heard of beer olympics but googled to get some kind of a clue.)

[theredhead77]

12 hours ago, Brookside said:

Sorry that you couldn't join a team, but was there a reason not to stay as an "audience" member and enjoy the atmosphere without participating?

(Had never heard of beer olympics but googled to get some kind of a clue.)

It's not that kind of set-up. You play with your team and move on; there is no cheering section and considering I didn't know anyone there and felt too defeated after expending my introvert energy to going and being told I needed a team I just went home.

[SunnyBeBe]

Has anyone ever considered relocating due to weather issues? I love my home state, but, extreme weather is just becoming too much.  I've dealt with it my entire life, but, it just seems to be getting worse.  Recently, Hurricane Florence, but, there will be others.  It seems there are tornadoes, thunderstorms, rain, strong winds every week...often through the winter!  I'm tempted to find somewhere that's less extreme.  I know most places have their issues, but......

[theredhead77]

2 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Has anyone ever considered relocating due to weather issues? I love my home state, but, extreme weather is just becoming too much.  I've dealt with it my entire life, but, it just seems to be getting worse.  Recently, Hurricane Florence, but, there will be others.  It seems there are tornadoes, thunderstorms, rain, strong winds every week...often through the winter!  I'm tempted to find somewhere that's less extreme.  I know most places have their issues, but......

There's a whole lot of people who moved to Florida to escape the cold.

I highly recommend Southern California. But get a place with A/C - the summers are getting hot!