Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[Snaporaz]

The role of Katie Rose is now being played by peach!

[peach]

Mon, Dec 8   Ashley Is Practical

 

Ashley helps drunk, fragrant Stitch off the floor of the lab.  She’s frustrated.  They have a super important research meeting tomorrow and this is how he prepares for it?!  Geez, lady, he came to work at five in the morning and had a miracle breakthrough.  What’s enough for you?  She softens a bit. “Let me guess.  It’s finally sinking in that Victoria’s baby isn’t yours.”

 

Victoria listens to his voicemail again.   Wherever could he be?  That just leaves her with one daddy to walk around with the baby singing songs about her motherly greatness.  What a ripoff.  They have a moment because Vicky remembers him singing that to DeeDee.  I guess every single second of Katherine Rose’s life is going to be about “when it was DeeDee.”  And people thought Chloe was crazy.

 

The Second Coming of Adam gazes longingly at Chelsea while “O Come, Emmanuel” plays hauntingly in the background.  Is Adam going to ransom captive Israel?  Wow.  Chelsea gets a business call and breaks the trance. 

 

Devon and Gwen are yukking it up with drinks at The Underground.  He's having a blast.  Hilary walks in slowly and gapes at them.  Devon looks more busted than he ever has, even when caught naked in bed by his own brother-in-law.   He doesn’t even stand up.   Hilary, this is a nice surprise!  Hilary’s like, YEAH!  The night’s just FULL of surprises.

 

Neil click clacks in to touch base with Phyllis.  She says it’s a little awkward taking his job.  He can’t think of anyone better to head up Jabot’s fashion line.  She says it’s awfully big shoes to fill.  Well, she can count on his help.   Blah blah, if Jack’s rearrangement doesn’t work, she’ll just do some rearranging of her own.  Neil’s impressed that her year long nap hasn’t changed her a bit.  “Thank you, I think.”  Neil says they’ve had a lot of differences in their time, but he is very happy that she is healthy and back here.  “Not everyone agrees with you,” complains Phyllis.

 

Kelly’s working, and Lily tells her there’s a couple planning their wedding there that insists she do it.  Since it's like her job.  Kelly flips out.  “It’s not bad enough that Phyllis rubs her engagement ring in my face, now you expect me to plan their engagement party and wedding?!  I WON’T DO IT!!”  Lily’s like, chill!  It’s some other couple.   Kelly apologizes, but she’s still super upset.  There’s no way she can be friendly to people now and plan birthday parties and weddings!!   Lily suggests she take a few days off.  No, she thinks it’s better for everybody if she QUITS.   It's definitely not better for Lily.

 

Jack is at the tree lot in All Purpose Park with retail Christmas elf, Amy.   He really wants to be magnanimous and donate all the leftover Christmas trees to shelters and whatnot, but someone’s beat him to it.  He can guess who.  Really?  Is it supposed to be Victor?  Do they have some kind of Christmas tree donation rivalry now?  Jack will give them a CHECK, then, so there?!  He’s picked out his own tree, though.  He really wants to impress his fiancée this year, and he’s found his baby right over here!  “Well, too bad, Jack, that tree is already taken,” rasps Victor, behind him.  I’m on the edge of my seat with this high stakes drama.

 

“First you take over Phyllis’ medical care, now you’re going to co-opt her Christmas tree??”  WHERE WILL IT END?!?!  Does he need to remind Jack he gave Phyllis her life back, something he obviously couldn’t do?  He’s just there to make a charitable donation!  Jack’s like, wait, YOU’RE the one who called my assistant and insisted I come here to buy a tree?!  “Becoming paranoid now?” 

 

That’s it, Amy, send this tree to the Abbott mansion.  Victor will DOUBLE what he’s paying, Amy!  They continue a first world bidding war on a frigging Christmas tree.  VICTOR WILL BUY THE WHOLE DAMN LOT!!  Jack’s like, are you really going to one-up me at a CHARITY?  “Do you honestly think I have to one-up you?”  “YOU LIVE FOR IT!” shouts Jack.  HE LIVES to make his family happy!  Something Jack has a habit of interfering with, like right now!  If only people minded their own business like Victor does.

 

Nikki comes up.  “What are you doing?  You’re fighting in a CHRISTMAS TREE LOT?  Where people are trying to do something good and decent?”  She relieves poor Amy to sell trees to normal people.  Jack says her husband is NOT there to do anything good and decent!  He’s Up To Something!!  He tricked Jack into coming there!!   Victor’s grinning like The Grinch. 

 

Really, it was NIKKI who invited BOTH of them there so they could contribute to a lovely charity.  But as usual, they’ve turned it into something ugly!   Why can’t arch rivals just GET ALONG?  Okay, well, Jack thinks Victor is STILL Up To Something!  “I am here to buy a damntree, Jack.”  Or MAYBE he’s there to get information on Ashley’s new project at Jabot, says Jack.  Is everyone drunk??  Was Victor going to torture him with Christmas music to get information?  A Marshmallow World on a neverending loop?  Or is that just to torture Target employees?  Victor laughs.  “I don’t giveadamn about something that is BOUND to fail.”

 

Ashley tries to make Stitch drink coffee.  She has to make sure her brilliant chemist who solved the problem of her groundbreaking new fragrance is able to show up at the crucial in-house meeting tomorrow!  IT’S CRUCIAL!!  It all depends on this, and he only has 12 to 14 hours to sleep it off!!  And she doesn’t want…the hungover loser of the baby sweepstakes!  I think she does want it.  Stitch laughs.  Her concern is so touching. 

 

She’s trying to speak plainly to him!  Does he have any idea how much Jabot has invested in this project?!  Omg, Ashley might get fired tomorrow, you guys.  Aaaah, she oughta cut her losses, slurs Stitch.  This love potion is a waste of time.  It hit him tonight like a ton of bricks.  TRUE LOVE DOESN’T EXIST!  Ashley says he had to know there was a chance the baby was Billy’s.  “Yeah, I took biology.  I was ready for that.”  He wasn’t ready for seeing Billy and Victoria and their little girl, looking like the perfect family. 

 

Billy and Victoria blah blah blah.  He is SO GOOD with the baby!  Victoria says he’s always had a way with the ladies.  “A way of making them hate me!  Look what I did to you!”  Victoria smiles and says she survived.    Aren’t Billy and Victoria cute??  Isn’t this FUN?!  Anyway, Billy should go.  Special Snowflake is downcast.  Who will swoon over her now?  She thanks him for the AWESOME sloppy seconds tree.  “We definitely do some things right,” says Vicky.  Billy just wishes…that.. well, he better save his wishes for Christmas.  She gives him Delia’s ornament.  Their faces get really close.

 

Chelsea’s looking at Billy’s number on her phone, smiling.  Adam sits at the bar watching her like a kid with a crush.  He’s antsy.  Should he go over?!  He gets up, but Sage rushes up to him.  “No.  Nonono!  You can’t!” she hisses.  Her face is twitching.  Adam looks wistfully at Chelsea.  But she’s so pwetty!

 

Billy and Victoria are holding the ornament together…  Their faces hover.  The phone rings.  It’s Chelsea.  She was wondering if he found someone to give their extra Christmas tree to!  Uhh, yeah, he just dropped it off.   Period.   SIN OF OMISSION!  He asks about her meeting.  She’s finished, come meet her for a drink.  Well, Billy does like a drink, so sure.  There’s lots of wistful staring and sentiment until he FINALLY leaves.  Vicky looks sad.

 

“Get out of my way, Sage,”  growls Adam. No, he can’t talk to her!  He’ll risk everything!  “You have to leave with me right now!”  No, Adam’s not leaving yet.

 

“You know,” Jack says, “take the tree.  Take the whole damn lot, if it’ll make you happy.”  Victor says Jack has no idea what makes him happy.  “Oh, I bet a little inside information about Ashley’s project at Jabot might do the trick.”  “Becoming delusional now?”  Apparently.    Does Nikki need to remind them this is about raising money for the less fortunate, that for some reason they’re supposed to do together like BFF’s, and the trees in their OWN homes will be SIGNIFICANT this year? Well, Victor is very much looking forward to seeing SUMMER open her gifts with her FAMILY at the RANCH.   Well, Jack looks forward to her spending Christmas at HIS HOUSE with her MOTHER.  

 

Nikki says they’re hopeless.  Jack will SHARE because that’s what Christmas is about!  Sharing with your family, not trying to OWN them.  “You mean like staking a claim to Adam?” asks Victor.  Jack was his FRIEND.  Well, Victor was his father.  Jack KNOWS.  And if he hadn’t blackmailed Adam over Delia’s death, he might still be here!  “You don’t know a damnthing about my relationship with Adam.”  “YOU. DIDN’T. HAVE. ONE.”  Nikki’s like STFU already!   She doesn’t want to hear about ADAM.  They have a new life to celebrate, and they owe it to the Amazing Katie Rose Newman-Abbott hybrid child to make this a time of peace!  Now end this.  They have a stare down.

 

Phyllis and Neil actually have a nice, humanizing conversation where they bond over their medical problems.  She feels his pain since she’s trying to find her way through familiar territory with blinders on.  Well, he fully intends to reclaim his life AND come back to work fulltime at Jabot.  He jokes about looking over her shoulder, but seriously, folks, he says it’s going to take him some time just to stop bumping and bruising himself.  Phyllis knows the feeling.  He thought she was bruise proof!  Phyllis says maybe she’s not as tough as she thought she was. 

 

Neil says that’s quite an admission for HER to make.  Maybe she needs to take more time to strengthen herself after being in a coma for a year!  That’s why she doesn’t want to waste ANY more time.  She wants to make the most of her second chance.   He says a good friend of hers echoed those same words to him.  Phyllis doesn’t have friends, so he must mean Malcolm.  Yep!  She missed out on that little treat.  Neil says Mr. Smooth & Charming is having a great life, and the most important thing was that he made Neil pull his head out of his ass and face his blindness.  Phyllis says facing it doesn’t mean letting it defeat him.  Call me crazy, but I’m glad Neil has Phyllis to talk to.  Especially while…

 

Hilary sits down with Devon and Gwen, who are cozily shoulder to shoulder.  She didn’t realize they were seeing each other for realz.  Devon says, “We didn’t plan this!”  Already using “we” are we?  Gwen smiles and says they both just happened to show up there!  It’s like they’re on the same wavelength, you guys!  “Terrific!” says Hilary.  Gwen’s not surprised, she could tell they clicked on their first date.  Hilary smiles, and says bitch, please, “That wasn’t really a first date.”  Gwen says it sure seemed like it, “didn’t it Devon?”  Smile twinkle smile.  Well, yeah, Lily and Neil did believe she was his girlfriend, says Devon.  Hilary smiles at him like you are going to die. 

 

Gwen coos about ironic it is that she pretended to be The One, and now they’re here on a Real Date.  That’s actually a pretty cool howdja meet story.  Hilary’s like, oh, now, this isn’t a Real Date either, and besides, Devon still isn’t ready to settle down, RIGHT, DEVON?!  “I didn’t realize how involved you were in your stepson’s life,” says Gwen sweetly.  #notsweet  Oh, well, Hilary doesn’t really see Devon as her stepson…bitch.  Gwen smiles at her.  Because he IS her stepson…bitch.

 

Devon leaves to get another round.  Hilary says listen, Devon really appreciates you pretending to be his girlfriend, but you don't have to keep up the charade.  You can stop now.  “Who says I’m pretending?” twinkles Gwen. 

 

Ashley forces the coffee on Stitch. And she thinks next time he decides to be a stalker, he should ease up on the tequila.  How does she think he BECAME a stalker?  She thinks maybe he just saw two divorced people coparenting a child…while snuggling on the couch.  Stitch thinks Ashley is funny. I like drunk Stitch.  “You think I’m a reaaaal idiot, don’t you?”  For getting drunk the night before a meeting SHE called at HER company that could make or break a product he just perfected because he’s a genius at all things?  Yeah, she does think he’s an idiot. 

 

Tobias The Supposed Nerd comes bursting in the door.   OF ASHLEY ABBOTT’S OFFICE.  Sure, just let yourself in.  Cuz there aren’t any LOCKS or anything.  They’re all surprised to see each other…in a glass room.  He says he just forgot his tablet earlier.  Ashley nervously introduces her drunk chemist.  “Nice to meet you, Dr. Russell.”  Stitch slaps him five behind his head.  Boom!  “You can call me Stitch, Toby!”  Well, you can call Tobias Tobias. 

 

She says Tobias was transferred from Research over to Research to help them out for a while.  “Welllll, welcome aboard, matey!”  Stitch salutes him.  Ashley says he’ll have to excuse Dr. Russell, he’s been working overtime inventing shit.  Ok,bye!  Tobias grabs his tablet and walks out, but Ashley tells him to STOP!  He freezes!  His eyes are super shifty.  Like cartoon shifty.  He must be up to no good!!  She goes in the other glass room and says she knows why he’s there tonight.  Shifty eyes!

 

“You’re absolutely right my darling,” says Victor, “we owe it to the holy Christmas baby, Katie, to let bygones be bygones and embrace the Christmas spirit.”  Jack agrees.  “Just take the damntree, Jack.”  Jack doesn’t want it anymore. Victor ruined it.  Waaah. Besides,Victor probably already bugged it, he pouts.  “Ohhh My God, have you both missed your naps today?” snaps Nikki.  Jack tiredly wishes her family nothing but the best for the holiday season.  “Enjoy your tree,” he snipes at Victor.  Amy, show Jack where the BIGGER trees are.  Rich people. 

 

Victor chuckles and tells Nikki he tried.  She supposes. She’s going to Victoria’s to help with the baby.  And Katie Rose. So promise her no more fighting.  Maybe if you stop inviting them to hang out together.  Victor promises, at least until after New Year’s.  She leaves, and he calls someone.  Someone with shifty eyes, perhaps?  Meet him at the park, K?

 

Lily grabs Kelly and tells her to stay.  DO NOT make Lily work more hours over the holidays. “You are not a quitter!  You always [cry] fight back, so fight back now and don’t let Phyllis win!”  She already HAS, says Kelly.  “No, she hasn’t.  Jack is trying to recapture something that doesn’t really exist!  He always ends up seeing her for who she really is, and he will this time too.”  How is Lily such an expert on Jack and Phyllis?  He is going to realize his future is with Kelly!  “So, I’m the AntiPhyllis?” says Kelly.  Get over yourself, that’s Sharon.  Just please tell Lily she’ll stay.  Okay, okay.  Lily says take the night off and get a Christmas tree.  It’s the season of hope, okay, so let’s hope Jack dumps Phyllis.  Kelly leaves.  Lily is like, wow.  I almost had to do all those Christmas parties for her.

 

Adam asks Sage what the hell she’s doing there.  They made a deal with Constance.  She is supposed to come to town with him.  “Maybe I said that, but there’s no way in hell I meant it.”  He doesn’t need her chaperoning him.  Does he think she WANTS to be doing this?  He’s given up figuring out WHAT she wants, other than to make his life miserable.  She says he’s not strong enough to be there, and he missed his medication today!  No wonder he’s so hard to control.  He orders some medication from the bartender, a double Scotch.  She snatches it out of hand.  “I am taking you HOME, right now.”  She is SUCH a drag.

 

Billy comes breezing in.  He stops at the bar and asks the bartender to send a Scotch over to his table.  Make it a double, like that one.  Always having what Adam’s having.  He nods cordially at Adam, then walks over to greet smiling Chelsea with lots of smooching.  Adam clenches his jaw and fidgets.

 

Neil tells Phyllis he’s been talking to a doctor about a cutting edge technique that might restore his eyesight.  Oh, good, then this can be over soon.  “Nothing short of a miracle, huh?” says Neil.  Or an ordinary day in GC.  “Well, you know I’m the poster child for miracles,” says Phyllis.  Is there room on that poster for Neil? She will happily step aside for him.  Jack pops in.  Phyllis says Neil’s agreed to ease Phyllis into her new job in exchange for her being nice to Billy.  Jack says Neil drives a hard bargain!  How about they walk in the beautiful park on this starlit night?  Neil declines to go along, since stargazing isn’t top of his list these days.  He hopes someday soon he’ll be able to see those stars for himself…and all the beautiful people in his life.  Neil is annoying but he looks so sad and lonely.  I feel bad.

 

Hilary doesn’t give a shit, however.  She has bigger problems.  Like she SAID, Gwen, she and Devon are both grateful to her for PRETENDING to be his girlfriend, but she doesn’t HAVE TO anymore!  OKAY?!?!?  Gwen’s like, I’m trying to TELL you, I WANT to pursue something with Devon.  “I mean, why not? He doesn’t  HAVE a girlfriend.”  And he does have a billion dollars.  “There’s a reason for that!” smile snaps Hilary, trying to keep her cool.  Devon’s, uh, he’s um, very PICKY about the girls he dates.  Right? And who would pick Gwen?  Besides EVERYONE.  

 

“Are you sure it’s Devon who’s picky, and not you?”  Gwen has the feeling Hilary thinks no one is good enough for him.  Um, yeah, that’s it!  She’s just protective!  Because golddiggers!  Gwen’s like, you think I’m one of them?!  Nooo.  She gets all moony while saying Devon, he’s so much more than his bank account.  He’s sweet, and sensitive, and goes out of his way to help people he cares about, like his dear dad.  He really goes out of his way to bang his wife for him.  Gwen’s like, wow, the more you talk about him, the more interested I am in getting to know him!  Hilary suppresses a keening wail.  Devon comes back.  Did he miss something?

 

Tobias tells Ashley he already told her he came back to get his tablet.  He’s not fooling her.  She knows he’s just trying to show up a lot and make it look like he works lots of hours to impress her.  It’s about EFFORT, Tobias, do you get that?  Effort, and looking like Brett Favre in a good way.  That’s what gets you ahead around here.  He understands.  He’ll see his dumb boss in the morning.  At the regular time.

 

She goes back in her office and sees Stitch passed out in his chair.  No, no, no.  He has to get completely sober TONIGHT, in the early evening, or he’ll be to hungover to do his job in the morning.  Does she know this guy was a soldier?   I think he’ll be okay.  She tries to force the coffee on him again.  Holy Pete, these people are bad chemists.  He needs water and B vitamins and sleep.  And a bloody mary for breakfast.  But Ashley thinks he needs coffee, and a shower.  At work.  Says the inventor of a rape perfume.  Maybe they should name it Cosby.

 

Chelsea and Billy giggle flirt and kiss while Adam stares.  Sage whispers they should go!  Adam’s not going anywhere.  Blah flirt blah.  She tells Billy that Connor’s with Anita tonight.  Then what are they doing there?!  They jump up.  Adam hears Chelsea say “I never thought I could be this happy again.”  Life is GOOD, says Billy.  “It’s better than it’s ever been,” says Chelsea.  They leave.  Adam winces.

 

Lily and Neil go to The Underground, because she needed a break!  He tells her that Phyllis is taking his old job.  She sympathizes.  That must have been hard for him.  It wasn’t easy, but it is what it is.  He has to deal with it.  She spots Devon and company.  Devon’s like what are you guys doing here?  He seems pretty happy to just get “caught” with Gwen. 

 

Hilary’s like, um, uh, Neil!  She thought he had a meeting with Phyllis.  He finished that meeting!  It turns out night meetings at Jabot don’t last until two a.m. after all!  He has to ASK her to come kiss him hello.  Hilary says she just came for a drink to relax at the dive bar she hates and just ran into Devon and Gwen.  Do they have room for two more?!  Staring.  Gwen doesn’t mind at all!  She likes Devon’s family.  They’re just as sweet as he is.  She caresses his head and kisses him.  Hilary smashes a bottle over her head!  Just kidding.  But she wanted to.

 

Billy asks Chelsea if their undecorated tree is giving her any ideas?  “It’s naked,” he says.  And his appetite for her is insatiable.  She laughs. Is that all he ever thinks about?  NO, he thinks about VICTORIA quite a bit, too, so you should probably rip his clothes off right now and put a stop to that.  But Chelsea wants to talk about baking cookies and playing house.  And not as a euphemism.  Is it too corny, she asks.  Not at all, and JUST what he’s been missing from his life, except for when he’s at Victoria’s house. 

 

She says it’s karma.  Karmic scales, uh oh.  He’s getting happiness because he brought happiness to someone else by giving them a Christmas tree!  So who got it, anyone she knows?  Um, yeah.  He gave it to…Victoria.  DUH!  Chelsea’s eyes harden.  Hmm, now what kind of karma is coming?

 

Nikki has put the baby to bed.  Johnny’s reading books.  She and Victoria admire the tree.  Vicky tells her Billy brought it since it’s Katherine’s first Christmas.  “Did he?” asks Nikki.  Victoria’s like, why are you saying that like this means so much more than Billy thinking of his daughter.  Nikki’s like…uh, I didn't.  Victoria blathers on about her usual Billy bullshit.  Hurt, anger, nice to be a family, blah.  She whines that she can’t ask for more.  Blah blah.  He probably has his own holiday plans with Chelsea and Connor.  What are Special Snowflakes plans?  She sighs.  Probably to have Billy and Stitch competing for her as long as possible.

 

Sexual predator Ashley is standing next to the shop shower trying to get drunk Stitch to take off his pants.  Ashley, he doesn’t waaannnna.  He just wants to go home and sleep it off!  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  The business depends on him being naked in the shower with his boss watching. “I’m just practical.  Someone has to be!”  He will not give her his pants. Okay, fine, she’s turning on the water!  AAAHH!! It’s freezing!  She promises it will warm up.  “You’re right,” he says.  He yanks her in the shower with him.  She screams, he laughs.  It’s getting warmer already!

 

Jack take Phyllis to see the gargantuan tree he bought.  “Wow,” she says.  He worries about what’s wrong with it, but Phyllis decides.. it’s perfect!  Jack almost falls over!  She’s not going to complain about it?!  Christmas Magic!  She says not to get used to the kinder, gentler her.  It’ll probably only last through the holidays, but the whole world looks good to her today.  He gazes at her.  It does look good.  They kiss.  Kelly walks by and SEES!  AACK!  Jack and Phyllis walk away.  Kelly walks over and sadly caresses the tree that is not for her.  Like wiggling a loose tooth, and it hurts, but you can’t stop doing it.  Amy is so sorry, but that one’s taken.  Kelly frowns.  “I know.”  Omg, she just got bunny boiler in her eyes.  She won’t be IGNORED, Jack!

 

Billy asks if Chelsea’s upset that he gave the tree the Victoria?  It’s Katie’s first Christmas and she can’t see farther than Vicky’s face, but he wanted to celebrate that.  Chelsea recovers.  He SHOULD.  She’s GLAD he gave her her first tree.  #notglad  He shows Chelsea Dee Dee’s ornament.  He’s hoping they can put it on their tree.  Of course!  They will put it on THEIR tree, EVERY year!  He thanks her for helping pick up the pieces of his screwed up life. Funny, she thought they were her screwed up pieces.  “I guess we were both a mess.”  Not anymore, says Billy.  They kiss.

 

Sage and Adam happen upon the Christmas tree lot.  He looks around wistfully.  Aww.  Nick’s soulmate, Sage, is like what’s the big deal?  We have a bigger, better tree at home.  Adam sighs.  “It’s who you share it with that matters.”  Sage impatiently says he’s going to get what he wants, he just has to be patient.  Now let’s get out of here, she’s freezing.  All heart, that Sage.

 

Victor sits on a bench until TOBIAS shows up.  He doesn’t even WEAR GLASSES, you guys.  He’s late because he had a run-in with his boss.  “She didn’t suspect anything, did she?”  No, she was way too distracted with one of her date rape projects.  Tobias says Ashley has no clue.  She thinks he’s completely DEDICATED to his job instead of working for Victor.  Victor says to keep it that way.  Find anything out yet?   Just invoices from France.  He knows the deal.  Victor wants details about the top secret product by New Year’s Eve.  “Don’t let me down, son.” 

 

Victoria discusses her boring holiday plans.  Nikki doesn’t want her to close herself off when it comes to finding love.  I know that was always on MY mind when I had a newborn baby to keep alive around the clock.  Should I close myself to love?  Or not?  Did I brush my teeth today?  Or not?  Nikki goes to look at the baby. 

 

Vicky leaves Stitch a message.  She’s sorry they keep missing each other while she snuggles with her ex-husband.  She really needs to talk to him.  Special Snowflake has Something To Tell Him. 

 

Stitch is pulling off Ashley’s clothes.  “What are you doing?” she mock gasp protests like a Harlequin novel.  “You said you wanted to sober me up, didn’t you?”  Oh, my, this isn’t what she had in mind!  “Me neither,” says Stitch, but it’s a tequila night!   PASSION.

Edited December 9, 2014 by peach

[NinjaPenguins]

 

She’s going to Victoria’s to help with the baby.  And Katie Rose.

Win.

 

I'm so tired of Katie Rose already. The show pulled the same shit with Connor, making him out to be Jesus the Second.

 

 

Maybe they should name it Cosby.

Epic burn.

 

 

“You mean like staking a claim to Adam?” asks Victor.

Victor is only interested in his dead/not dead son because Jack had a better relationship with him. That is so Victor.

[movinon]

 

Billy comes breezing in.  He stops at the bar and asks the bartender to send a Scotch over to his table.  Make it a double, like that one.  Always having what Adam’s having.

This one almost got past me until I re-read the whole post.  Another super funny re-cap from a really crap episode - congratulations, Peach.  I don't know how you  do it.  The best thing in the episode was the insane fight between Victor and Jack, and I hate Victor too much to enjoy it. Think maybe I'm gonna like nuAdam if they can get him away from that crazy zoo-keeper.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Maybe they should name it Cosby.

Whoosh! Nothin' but net!

 

Seriously though, the MWTs couldn't have been expected to predict that Cosby and his disgusting scandal would blow up at the same time they were rolling out this date rape perfume storyline. However, they really should be trying to steer this storyline another direction now, IMO. There's no way to play it for laughs like AMC's old Libidizone storyline. That was back when drugging people as a precursor to rape was pretty much only considered frat boy or serial killer behavior.

 

Omg, she just got bunny boiler in her eyes.  She won’t be IGNORED, Jack!

It seems to be a UO around these parts but I'm not seeing bunny boiler in Kelly--not yet anyway. What I am seeing is a booze and Ambien OD in her future, assuming the spumors about her being pregnant don't turn out to be true.

Edited December 10, 2014 by Joimiaroxeu

[peach]

Tue, Dec 9   She’s Not The Dalai Lama

 

It’s another tequila sunrise. Bleary Stitch wakes up shirtless on a couch at Jabot, with a splitting headache.  He looks around frowning, like whaaaat happened here?  Ashley brings him a cup of coffee.  “Good morning, handsome.”  He’d probably have to die to feel better.

 

Abby and Jack look for his notes for the Crucial Meeting with Ashley.  He heard Abby hung out with friends at The Underground last night.  She says she had to pour “some guy” into a cab.  It was so juvenile that she thinks she’s too old to even HAVE fun anymore.  Let’s go to the meeting!

 

Stitch painfully gets dressed, while Predator Ashley casually watches from her desk.  He looks a little nervous.  “Bad hangover, huh?” says Ashley.  “Does that mean you don’t remember what happened last night?”  He’s like, yeaaah, I drank a little too much.  He’s worried about whatever it is he doesn’t quite remember.  “I should…probably apologize?”  She says he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for!  SHE certainly doesn’t have any regrets. 

 

Jack and Abby come in.  Stitch hobbles around in his disheveled clothes.  It was super nice of Ashley to wake him up about three minutes before this meeting.  Fashionista Abby says wasn’t he wearing those clothes yesterday??  Yeah, what is going on here, asks Jack.  Nothing a lawsuit couldn’t fix.

 

Victoria walks the holy infant in the park.  She knows it’s a little chilly for a newborn baby to be out and about, but she needs to introduce her to an amazing woman.  What’s a little pneumonia when you have a plaque to visit.  Katherine Chancellor lived life on her own terms and inspired all of them to do the same.  Blah namesake blah.  Katherine Rose, meet a brick wall.

 

Paul and Christine giggle at the GCAC.  He’s not sure the citizens of Genoa City will appreciate them BOTH missing work this morning.  How will people get harassed?  He wonders what she’s up to.  “You’ll see,” chuckles Chris.  They’re interrupted by Kevin, Lauren, Gloria, and Jeffrey.  Chris asks if they’re having some kind of celebration?  It’s Michael and Lauren’s anniversary!  Well, of course!  It’s the traditional anniversary breakfast?  Paul and Chris should join them!  But where is the other half of the anniversary couple??

 

Michael sits in his office, staring at his gross medical information.  Phyllis stops by in a snug, gray sweater dress that looks great on her.  “What are you doing here?” he asks tersely.  Wow, Phyllis just can’t get used to these warm welcomes. His bestie is there to wish him a happy anniversary!  Michael’s like, yeah, that.  She says that usually brings a smile to one’s face.  Unless they’re having troubles?  “We are not,” says robot Michael. She picks a card off his desk.  “Then why are you seeing a marriage counselor?”

 

Paul asks if Chris is okay with these impromptu plans?  Oh, she’ll deign to accept them, I mean, it’s Michael and Lauren’s anniversary, they should celebrate with them.  Paul wonders where Michael is.  Gloria says they’re ALL wondering that.  They all boringly blather.  Gloria suggests they go on romantic getaways now that Fen’s gone.  Kevin heaves a sigh.

 

Michael lies to Phyllis that he recommended the therapist to a client.  So there aren’t problems?  Because she knows there was that whole Carmine deal--  Michael abruptly says everything is FINE between them.  Would he tell her if it wasn’t?  Sure.  Okay, well she wants to “take steps” to reclaim her life. 

 

So far, she and Jack are engaged, and she’s gone back to work at Jabot as head of the fashion division.  Michael says she’s the only person he knows who could get promoted while in a coma.  Phyllis wants to make sure her legal and financial affairs are in order.  She wants a full accounting to make sure no one ripped her off while she was in the clinic.  He says Daniel had her power of attorney, but he kept an eye on her assets, etc.  And there is ONE major change she would be aware of.

 

Summer’s setting the table at the Barbie Townhouse like a big girl!  She whines and pouts because Austin says it looks “fine.”  He tells her she can’t freak out every time they have someone over for lunch.  It’s not just ANYONE, okay, it’s her mom!  Austin thinks Phyllis won’t care what color the napkins are.  When he was growing up, they had ONE set of napkins, and they were paper.  Omg, poors never understand!  Everything has to be PERFECT.  “Why?”  Because she has to prove she can do this.  She can run a home consisting of one boy and no bills, and host a lunch. 

 

“So you convince her you’re Suzy Homemaker, then what?”  Then Phyllis will realize freeloader Summer’s a grownup!  And that she knew what she was doing when she married him!  “You’re asking a lot of a chicken Caesar salad,” he says.  Summer laughs a little and says maybe she should have gone with the crab Louis.  Austin doesn’t even know what that is!  Okay, so she’s freaking out, but she just thinks if she does this right, her controlling mother will see how in love they are.  “And if she doesn’t?” asks Austin.  Well, Jack will be there.  He knows how to keep her in line.

 

Abby thinks it’s obvious what happened.  Stitch spent the night there.  Why would he do that, asks Jack.  He has a home with a bed, right?  “Well, he was so drunk, he probably gave the taxi driver his work address instead of his home.”  Stitch looks at her like, um, thanks for the help?  Jack’s like, wait, THIS is the guy you poured in a cab?  Duh!  He was too drunk to drive!  Jack is pissed! “Is she right about this??  Did you spend the night here?!”  He ought to be a little more worried about what happens on the couch in HIS office. 

 

Stitch says he didn’t plan to, and he apologizes to Ashley for sleeping on her couch.  Ashley does NOT mind.  “I do,” blusters Jack.  “This is a very expensive, high tech facility, not some flophouse for wayward drunks,” says the drug addict CEO.  They have HIGHLY confidential info in this lab, and they can’t have some intoxicated individual wandering around in here at night.  They CAN’T!  Ashley says it was a one time thing.  She doesn’t KNOW that!  “I’m sorry, Stitch, you’re fired!”  NO! squeal Abby and Ashley!

 

Summer is still questioning the napkins.  Austin’s mom taught him to just try his best and that was enough.  Ha!  POORS!  Well, her mom is a bitch, and the Newmans are always expected to be perfect!  Summer must be confused.  The Newmans aren’t expected to be perfect…they ARE perfect.  Everyone else is garbage.  Austin says it’s hard to achieve something that isn’t possible.  Summer says Grandpa thinks it IS possible.  “Maybe you should stop trying to impress everybody.”  See, Austin, this is why you’re a bartender.

 

They kiss, and he wants to fool around, but omg, then her mom will think they’re just KIDS who fool around in the middle of the day!  He’s like what’s wrong with that??  Summer uses her baby voice to say she wants her mommy to accept her as a grown woman.

 

Phyllis looks at a file and shouts “HOW IN THE HELL was THIS allowed to happen?!”  Michael says by the time he was told about this transaction, it was a done deal.  She goes completely ballistic about how she’s been robbed.  She just assumed people wouldn’t betray her when she was out of commission.  Michael doesn’t think that’s what happened.  He’s come to believe that a problem involving money isn’t really a problem.  As long as you have money. 

 

Well, pardon Phyllis, but she is NOT the Dalai Lama, and when someone steals from her she’s not going to let it SLIDE because it’s good for her soul!  He needs her to be REASONABLE, just once!  Yeah, no.  He should consider himself lucky he has people he can trust to put his life in their hands!  She storms out.  Michael ponders.

 

Jack CANNOT believe the two of them are defending Stitch’s behavior, especially Abby!  She’s not saying it was right, but he doesn’t deserve to be fired!  Ashley says they can’t AFFORD to fire him, mostly because of the incredible sexual harassment lawsuit he can bring against them, but has Jack forgotten the huge contribution he’s made to the new fragrance?  “I don’t care WHAT he’s done, if Genius Chemist stumbles in here and accidentally lets in a corporate spy, this genius product of yours we’ve spent millions on will be WORTHLESS.”  Good thinking, Jack.  I’m sure a disgruntled ex-employee in love with VICTORIA NEWMAN wouldn’t know where to turn next. 

 

Stitch says this isn’t who he is.  He got some tough news, and he reacted badly.  And then your sister refused to let him go home so she could rape him.  Abby wants to give him a break.  He’s had a tough time!  Stitch promises it will never happen again.  Ashley’s like, rats!  Okay, maybe Jack overreacted.  He knows what it’s like to find out you’re not the father of a Newman princess.  It sucks.  “You have ONE last chance to get it right.”  Stitch won’t screw it up!  He’ll get ready for the meeting.  No, Jack thinks under the circumstances they should reschedule it.  Too bad Ashley was too dumb to think of that.  They can go over his notes and meet again later. 

 

Stitch picks up his phone. Oh noes!  He missed a call from Special Snowflake!  He listens to her message about having Something To Tell Him.  He has to step out!    Ashley says they have to go over Jack’s notes!  OMG, Ashley, SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE has Something To Tell Him, he’ll get back to HER later.  He rushes out.  Jack’s like wtf?  I just unfired that guy.  “Are we making a mistake here?”

 

Victoria holds her infant in the freezing cold air so she can describe Katherine Chancellor.  It’s a lot of adjectives.  She didn’t shy away from hard decisions, so maybe Victoria should take a page from her playbook.  “I think I need to make a choice.”  Whoooo cares?

 

The Barbie doorbell rings.  Omg, Summer should have gone with the other napkins!  She opens the door for Phyllis.  Jack will be along later.  Phyllis is like, wow, this place is biiiiig.  She loves what Summer’s done with it. Omg, look at the view!  Summer says, yeah, it’s nice.  NICE?  It’s spectacular!  “And I imagine expensive.”  Summer shrugs.  How would she know?  “I’m just wondering when you were going to tell me you sold my penthouse to pay for it.”  Summer looks blank.  Pay for stuff?

 

Michael paces his office all tortured like.  The phone rings.  Great, it’s Gloria.  She says his entire family is waiting for him at the club to celebrate HIS anniversary.  “I know,” he says dejectedly.  Then why isn’t he there?  He has something to take care of.  He hangs up on her and tries not to cry.

 

Gloria is incensed.  Kevin is ignoring her while texting.  “You know, Kevin, when I was young, children were a LITTLE less rude to their parents.”  Kevin says he’s not a child, he’s an adult being rude to her.  “No, you’re a BRAT, and you can’t keep your hands off your new toy!” she snaps, slapping at his phone.  You know, in her day… Kevin says in HER day, he’s sure there were a lot of interesting things coming over the telegraph.  “We had phones..and RESPECT.  Unlike you.  And what is so fascinating in that THING, that you can’t pay attention to ME?!”  She snatches his phone away.  HEY!  GIVE THAT BACK!

 

Lauren’s embarrassed about Michael not being there, but she tells Chris he’s been crazy busy lately.  Chris thought teaming up with Avery was supposed to lighten his load.  Not so far. 

 

Michael mopes in his office some more.  He’s overcome and lies down on his couch and tries to keep his shit together.

 

Jeffrey asks Paul how someone gets hypothetical charges dropped against someone.  Paul asks if he means the hypothetical charges against Ben Russell?  Chuckle, chuckle.  Well, Jeffrey’s decided to do the decent thing and drop his suit against the hospital.  Paul says they all know how much he values decency.  Well, that’s why he’s wondering how to make the criminal charges disappear too.  “YOU don’t,” says haughty Christine.  Paul explains that the DA decides whether to pursue a case. 

 

But what if Jeffrey suddenly remembered he got stellar care, then it PROBABLY wouldn’t be worth it, right?  Chris agrees it probably wouldn’t.  Then Jeffrey has nothing but good things to say about Dr. Russell, so case closed!  “Did you really think it would be that simple?” asks Chris.  She could still bring charges…against Jeffrey!  Whaaaat?  “Did you really think you could act so cavalierly with a man’s life?”  Jeffrey frowns.  Is this a trick question?

 

Victoria’s back at home, wearing the traditional post partum little black dress.  There’s a knock on the door.  It’s stinky, hungover Stitch.  He came as soon as he sobered up.  “Tequila?” asks Victoria.  It seems we’ve come full circle.  “If you asked me here so you can let me down, just get it over with,” he says.

 

Gloria stoically stares into space while she hands Kevin back his phone.  “What..is the one-eyed bludgeon?”  NONE of your business, says Kevin.  “Mmm hmm.  Are you in some kind of trouble again?”  Why does she always assume that??  Hmm, let’s see, history, facts, and because she’s seen gruesome things on his computer before!  He’s fiiiine.  Okay, but he would tell her if he wasn’t, right?  Um, NO.  She’s pissed.  “I quit!” she snaps, and walks away.  “Thank God!” says Kevin. 

 

His phone rings.  He fakes a HORRIBLE British accent as Plato Sphere.  His story got so many hits!  And no, Plato Sphere doesn’t do personal appearances.  He’s super happy.  Gloria is super upset.  Jeffrey’s like, can you believe Paul and Christine threatened to bring HIM up on charges.  He was just trying to do the right thing!  “SHUT UP!” she barks.  She has other things on her mind!  She’s afraid Kevin’s falling into his old ways, and WHY isn’t Michael at his own anniversary party??  Lauren says he’ll be there, she knows he will.

 

So, Stitch though Victoria called him over there to say goodbye?  She thought he was coming over last night.  He did.  He looked through the window and saw her with Billy.  Victoria acts the coquette again.  Oh, he saw them??  Yep, looking like a picture perfect family.  He expected to see their picture on Faceplace with her new status.  Victoria seems amused.  He thinks she got back together with Billy??  Why didn’t he just ask her?  He was too busy getting drunk.  So, she’s NOT with him?  No, he just brought a tree and decorated it with her and got sentimental over their family and snuggled with her on the couch, that’s IT. 

 

So why did she want to see Stitch?  “I don’t really know where things are going to end up with us.”  I guess that’s Victoria’s idea of “making a choice.”  It’s enough for Stitch, though.  “You’re saying they could end up somewhere?!”  Besides the boring circle of hell?  Victoria says if they’re going to give this a shot, they need to be honest with each other.  Does he think he can do that?  Stitch is like, mmmm, sort of?

 

Ashley thinks Abby is right, Stitch has been going through a difficult time, but he seems to be moving beyond it.  Abby agrees.  He’s not going to do something as STUPID as last night again.  Ashley winces.  Okay, fine, but Jack thinks security needs to be on full alert.  “Why?  Has there been a breach?” worries Ashley in her glass office with no locks.  No, but Jack saw VICTOR yesterday buying Christmas trees so clearly he’s trying to see what they’re onto.  They all have to be on guard around him, because ANYTHING he does could be an effort to get more information. 

 

Abby rolls her eyes.  “Do you want me to check him for a wire every time I hug him?”  Jack likes the sound of that.  Now, now, Ashley’s warned Jack about not putting Abby in the middle of his stupid war with Victor.  Hey, if they aren’t having a meeting, he can make lunch with Summer and Phyllis.  He’s so happy that he can still have a relationship with her through Phyllis!

 

Phyllis is in shock.  “Jack sold my penthouse?”  Summer says it was Jack’s idea, yeah.  He took care of it for Daniel and her, and put the money in a trust.  Phyllis doesn’t care about the money that she yelled about being robbed of, she cares about their HOME.  She’s angry.  “Nice to know how much I matter to all of you,” she says, glaring.  Summer whimpers that Phyllis knows how much she means to her!  “Really?  Is that why you gave up on me?”  She never gave up on her!  Then why was it so easy to let go of their home?  “Because you weren’t there!” cries Summer. 

 

She hated living there without her, and there were reminders of her everywhere, and she missed her SO MUCH.  “So selling it made it EASIER to FORGET me?  Is that it?”  Mooom, wails Summer.  Maybe Austin’s starting to understand why she freaks out over napkins.  “Hey, Summer didn’t move out of your penthouse to hurt you.”  “No, she did this so the two of you could live in this shiny apartment, which I KNOW you have not paid one cent for!”  OH EM GEE, MOM!  “Austin works TWO jobs to support us.  And I work none.  And JACK bought this, so neither of us paid for it!”  Phyllis says it’s really amazing how everyone just moved on like she never existed!  Her home, her job, her little girl, ALL OF IT GONE!  Maybe she never should have come back!!  Don’t say that! 

 

Summer whimpers hard about how much she loves her and how much attention she paid her lifeless body.  The only time I EVER feel sorry for this whinebag is when she has to deal with her mother.  Summer cries until Phyllis finally cracks and apologizes.  She knows Summer is grateful.   She’s just dealing with a lot of other things since she got back.  A  tear rolls down Phyllis’ cheek.  Summer wants to forget this and have a nice lunch, but Phyllis just remembered there’s someone she wants to strangle to feel better.  They’ll do it again soon.

 

Lauren sits all alone at the big anniversary table.  Michael finally walks in.  They stare.

 

Victoria asks if Stitch wants to tell her why he’s all rumpled?  “Was it the tequila?”  Stitch awkwardly laughs.   “It was a weird night.”  She can’t really hold it against him, she remembers how it was when THEY got wasted on tequila.  Yep, it was a LOT like that.  Well, Victoria wants to make a fresh start with Stitch.  That sounds good.  Fresh means TODAY, right? Before that they “were on a break.”  She still has to work out coparenting with Billy because she doesn’t want to shortchange Johnny and Katie.  “I get it, kids come first!” Stitch enthuses.  What’s that other kid’s name?  Max?  He’s just happy she’s giving him a second chance, and he won’t let her down.  He promises, you guys. 

 

Paul and Christine call Stitch from the park and tell him the DA is dropping the charges against him!  And Jeffrey is dropping the lawsuit, too.  Stitch thinks that’s pretty good news.  Paul knows it’s a weight off his back.  He hangs up and Chris reminds him she invited him to breakfast hours and hours ago for a reason.  He apologizes for being distracted.  She says it’s because of his big, generous heart, and she hopes their baby inherits the same.  BABY?  YEAH, A BABY!  One of her eggs cracked open.  They can all be in diapers together.  Paul is overcome, crying and laughing with joy.  Try not to kill this one, Paul.

 

Abby and Ashley work in the lab, but Abby keeps wondering what happened with Stitch last night!  Probably something with Victoria.  Ashley asks why she would say that.  “Because he was supposed to go to her house last night, and he showed up at The Underground and got stupid drunk.”  Shifty Tobias shows up.  He says Dr. Russell wants him to run some samples through the centrifuge because centrifuges sound very sciencey.  Should they really be calling Stitch DOCTOR?  Ashley says to give her his results. 

 

She goes in her glass office with Abby.  Tobias sneaks the big blue CONFIDENTIAL file out of a drawer because who uses computers anymore?  He uses his phone to take pictures of the pages.  Ashley suddenly reappears in the doorway.  Ruh-roh.

 

Jack tells Summer that on the list of things he thought Phyllis would be upset about, selling the penthouse was nowhere near the top.   I mean, Kelly’s 1 through 5.  Only a man would think you wouldn’t MIND him selling your house.  “She was definitely pissed,” says Austin.  Summer says he should have heard her, she accused Summer of forgetting her and wishing she never came back.  Jack’s sure she didn’t really mean it.

 

Summer says she won’t answer any calls or texts.  Phyllis truly believes they moved on and forgot about her while she was in the coma.  Only JACK can go find her and tell her how devoted they were!  “ME?” says Jack.  What a chicken.  Summer insists it HAS to come from Jack.  He presses his lips together.

 

Victoria’s all excited that Stitch can start clearing his name now!  He should call Avery to help him.  Stitch is like, hold up, he’s not going to the authorities!  He hopes she doesn’t either.  But he’s innocent!  Um, sure, but he’s not  turning in his MOM.  He made a choice to protect her a long time ago, and he’s sticking with it.  Besides he already served his time, it’s over.  But he lost everything!  His job, his son.  He holds her hand.  He didn’t lose EVERYTHING.  He still has Special Snowflake, and that’s all that matters.  She always loves to hear that.  She’s glad she finally knows the truth.  “It feels good not having any secrets between us!”  Yeah, definitely not one like screwing Ashley.

 

Ashley didn’t see Tobias snapping pics.  He says he was just looking for the data on the right samples.  Okay, well she put the samples out for him over there.  He’ll get right on that.   She goes back in her office, where Abby still has Stitch on the brain.  She felt so BAD for him last night.  He seemed so lost and broken, like he’d just lost his best friend.  Ashley thinks they REALLY need to do work. 

 

Abby says today Stitch seems so different.  Ashley flashes back to their sexcapade in the shower.  “We were right not to fire Stitch, right?” asks Abby.  Absolutely, says Ashley.  Stitch is FAR too important to them to let him go.  She surreptitiously stuffs her black lace bra back in her purse that was hanging out during the nonmeeting.

 

Michael tells Lauren he was sorry, but he was working.  Kevin says he’s lying.  They fight about Michael’s secrets and Lauren’s humiliation.  She KNOWS something’s wrong.  WHAT IS IT?!  It’s just…work.  Kevin’s had it.  Either Michael tells her or HE will.  Michael looks like he has a gun pointed to his head.  Lauren begs him to tell her what it is.  “Okay.  I will tell you the truth.”

 

Summer can’t believe Phyllis was so upset about the penthouse.  Austin says it wasn’t the apartment she was upset about.  Remember how she said people were MOVING ON?   Dummer can’t figure it out.  Austin has to spell it out for her.  “Is there any way she found out about Jack and Kelly?” Summer frowns. 

 

Jack leaves Phyllis a message.  He knows she’s upset.  Call him so they can talk this out.  He hangs up. “Where ARE you, Red?”
Red is storming the gates of the club.  She marches in the lobby and asks if Kelly Andrews is working today.  Never mind, she’ll FIND her.

 

Tomorrow:  Kelly knocks the shit out of Phyllis!

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

Tomorrow:  Kelly knocks the shit out of Phyllis!

 

 

Ruh-roh!!!!  

 

Edited to add boxed quote reference!

Edited December 11, 2014 by Foghorn Leghorn

[PatsyandEddie]

Ruh-roh!!!!  

 

Edited to add boxed quote reference!

 

And I am on the edge of my seat for that recap!!!

[NinjaPenguins]

 

Katherine Rose, meet a brick wall.

Wait, what? Didn't she already meet Uncle Nick?

[movinon]

 

He still has Special Snowflake, and that’s all that matters.  She always loves to hear that.  She’s glad she finally knows the truth.  “It feels good not having any secrets between us!”  Yeah, definitely not one like screwing Ashley.

That look on his Caillou face was priceless.  One of so many funnies today.  Excuse any typos - typing left handed because my devil cat bit my right hand and it no works!

 

 

She says it’s because of his big, generous heart, and she hopes their baby inherits the same.  BABY?  YEAH, A BABY!  One of her eggs cracked open.  They can all be in diapers together.

 

This is my next choice or maybe my first choice - I can't decide.  Great job as usual, Peach - holding my breath for tomorrow.

Edited December 11, 2014 by movinon

[peach]

Wed, Dec 10   And Then I Was Dead

 

Lily is helping Neil visit Jack’s office, since, as usual, his wife is nowhere to be found.  He’s asking what she thinks of Gwen while they come in.  Jack’s super happy to see them.  So, Dad wants to know what she thinks of Gwen?  Lily stares daggers at Jack while saying Devon respects Gwen and treats her a lot better than JACK did Kelly.  Jack’s like, ouch.  “Are you kidding??  Lily, that was absolutely uncalled for,” says embarrassed Neil.  Lily can’t even.  She has to get back to work.  She kisses him on the cheek and throws one more dirty look at Jack as she walks out.  Neil apologizes, but Jack says there’s no need.  She didn’t say anything he hasn’t already thought himself. 

 

Kelly’s sitting at her desk, when Phyllis appears in the doorway.  Umm, Phyllis!  What can she do for you?  “I think it’s time we cleared the air,” says Phyllis, slamming the door behind her.  RUMBLE!

 

Dylan’s at the GCAC bar looking at his engagement ring for Avery.   Wouldn’t you know it, there is Joe Superman ruining his mood (but not mine), sitting with Cane and going over specs for the development.  Sounds pretty cool.  “Those old, dilapidated buildings are going bye bye.”  Cane mentions the opposition is growing more vocal every day.  Well, they’ve got a plan for that.  Dylan is eavesdropping unhappily when Avery comes rushing in with a kiss.  She’s been battling “the forces of darkness” in the prosecution’s office this morning, because you know how Christine is always attacking The Innocent.  Dylan says lunch may have to wait so they can stare accusingly at Joe, who has finally noticed them.

 

Kevin sadly parks himself at the bar at The Underground.  Mariah tries chitchatting until she notices that Debby Downer looks like he lost his only friend.  “That is exactly what I am afraid of,” says Kevin.

 

Michael and Lauren come barreling into his office because this isn’t something he could tell her in public.  She is super stressed out and holding back tears.  Does he mean the reason he didn’t show up to their ANNIVERSARY brunch and all his other colossal weirdness the last few weeks?  Yes, and he’s sorry he couldn’t be honest with her sooner.  “Oh, Michael!” she cries, preparing for what she thinks is the worst.  “I have cancer,” he says flatly.  Lauren’s hand flies to her mouth, but then..she starts LAUGHING in nervous relief.  He’s like seriously?

 

Joe’s telling Cane how this project is going to revitalize the downtown area, making Genoa City a destination for conferences, conventions, etc.  I thought GC was already the equivalent of Paris, France, but clearly downtown royally sucks.  Anyone in the hospitality business is set to gain from this, says Joe.  “Including you, too, if you choose to relocate Crimson Lights,” he says to staring Dylan.  Why don’t Avery and Dylan sit down with them and talk about the city’s future.  “Your future,” adds Joe. 

 

Thanks, but Super Dylan will handle his OWN future, without his help.  And they have someplace to be.  “We do?” asks Avery.  He takes some carry out bags, and they walk out.  Cane says they weren’t too impressed with his sales pitch.  “Look, Dylan’s taking this personal.  I don’t blame him.  It takes a specific kind of person to see the vision and execute it.”  A smart person. “Which is why you’ve come to me,” preens Cane, gazing into Joe’s eyes.  I think he’s crushing on him. 

 

Lauren continues her hysterical release of laughter.  Michael’s like, you think I’m joking??  “In your lifetime, how many jokes have you heard with the punchline, ‘I have cancer’?”  Lauren’s like but I thought you were going to tell me you were having an affair!  That you wanted a divorce, and didn’t find me attractive anymore!  Thank God, she is still attractive and Michael’s just dying. 

 

“You thought *I* was having an affair,” he says incredulously.  She doesn’t even notice the burn because she’s babbling about how she’d played this whole conversation out in her head about some young, hot paralegal he met at a deposition.  Michael staccatos his words saying she was wrong to think that.  It’s nothing as prosaic as an affair.  It’s his super unique experience of having cancer.  “And not to put too fine a point on it, it’s PROSTATE cancer.  You can keep laughing now if you’d like.”  Lauren gasps in horror.  We have to talk about your prostate now, just so you can get an Emmy? 

 

“How do you know?” she asks.  He had some routine tests back when he couldn’t get it going in bed.  Blah blah.  She’s confused.  That appointment was months ago.  Oh, yeah, well then he went to an oncologist.  She’s like it took THIS LONG to get results?  How negligent!  Of Michael, actually, because he’s known for weeks.  She is PISSED.   She whips her purse at him!  “DAMN YOU THAT YOU KNEW YOU HAD CANCER FOR WEEKS AND DIDN’T TELL ME!”

 

Jack tells Neil that what he did wasn’t fair, to Kelly OR to Phyllis.  They both deserve better.  Neil thinks Jack was in an impossible situation.  This story is definitely impossible.  Blah blah, no hope for Phyllis.  And Neil knows how tempting it would have been to find solace in a pill bottle.  Jack says that wasn’t an option!  Neil says he also wasn’t looking for someone to fill the hole in his heart, but it happened.  And he was honest with Kelly about where he stood. 

 

At the beginning, corrects Jack.  But then he dropped the ball on the truth when Phyllis actually came back, with both of them.  He didn’t want to hurt either of them.  “So I just tiptoed along, keeping Kelly’s hopes up, and feeding Phyllis half-truths, and now I’m drowning in them!” 

 

Kelly slowly stands up.  “We’re both adults.  We can be civilized about this,” says Phyllis.  If you count running people over as civilized.  Kelly pretends she has NO IDEA what Phyllis is talking about. “I know you were sleeping with Jack,” says Phyllis.  Kelly’s pleasantly surprised.  “Did he tell you??”  Phyllis looks like she’s going to puke.  Kelly’s like, ohhh, so he didn’t tell you.  Phyllis insists that Jack was just trying to protect her, he thought it would too much to hear about their little tryst.  “TRYST?” says Kelly.  She can’t even.  “Mm hmm.  He thought I’d blow it waaay out of proportion.”

 

Kelly’s like, since Jack’s too much of a chicken shit to tell you the truth about our relationship, I’d be HAPPY to tell you anything, beeyotch.  I got ya proportion right over heeyah. “I don’t need you to tell ME anything, because you DON’T HAVE a relationship with Jack.  That much I am sure you are clear about.  I.think.it’s.time.to.be.honesT.”  It’s Enunciation Day.  Kelly’s all for it.  “Okay, Phyllis, let’s do that, then.  Since you’re clearly capable of dealing with it now.   Let’s be completely honest!”  Phyllis frowns.  Why isn’t this Kelly bitch scared?

 

Mariah tries unsuccessfully to get Kevin to share his woes.  Is it that crack she made about losing his best friend.  “Did something happen I’m not aware of?  Did you actually go out and FIND a best friend?”  He tries to change the subject to Plato Sphere.  Seriously?  After she’s told him all her personal stuff about The Path, and Ian, and her horrible notmother?   And he won’t trust her with his problems?  The fantasy fiction that guy writes is more real than what’s going on here.  “YOU’RE the one who was so eager to be friends.  From what I’ve heard it goes two ways.”  He doesn’t respond.  The hell with it, she finally says, and turns away.   “It’s Michael!” Kevin finally says.

 

Michael tells Lauren he wasn’t ready to tell anyone.  “Since when am I ANYONE?”  Look, he just wanted all the FACTS first, he shouts.  So then how did KEVIN find out?  “I am the one you made the vows to, but you choose to tell your brother before you tell ME?!”  He screams that’s not what happened, and screams more about how Kevin snooped and hacked until he caught him out.  

 

He SHOULD have told her, and he wants her in his corner, but he SCREAMS LOUDER and literally spits and jabs his finger at her that “THIS IS MY CANCER!  YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE MAD!  YOU STOP BEING MAD!  YOU CAN’T BE MAD!”  Someone has definitely gone mad here.  You know what, FU Michael.  Worse things have happened to better people.  Have some fucking dignity.  Lauren weeps and shakes her head.  “I’m not mad, I’m not…. I’m scared!”

 

Joe tells Cane he needs to get in front of this thing before it snowballs.  Show the community the potential here.  He talks about embracing, and getting excited, and worked up, and being part of something.  And the best way to do that is have a trusted local business front and center as a spokesperson.  “So you’re trying to buy my support,” grins Cane.  Joe says Cane has too much integrity for THAT, he’d never insult him that way.  But if Cane would do this for free, he bets his backers would make a sizable contribution to a charity of his choice, say, cancer research?  Hmm, like disappearing Bonaventure? 

 

Lily has walked by and overheard them.  She listens while Cane says he needs to talk to Devon and Lily first.  Joe wants to plan an informal cocktail hour so people can realize they aren’t the enemy.  Cane just has to introduce Joe, and he’ll take it from there.  Lily is frowning.  She walks up and says hello there.  “Before WE let your organization use our facilities AND good name, there’s a few things *I* would like to ask you.” 

 

Dylan’s dragged Avery to the Christmas tree lot.  What in the hell was the budget for the Santa’s Village sign?  Thirty cents?  But Dylan thinks this looks like a good spot for his big moment.  But Avery’s distracted.  She’s mad about Joe trying to get Cane to take his side on the redevelopment fight.  He’s trying to take advantage of their friendship!  It’s exactly the kind of backroom deal making that she can’t stand, like when she takes advantage of Paul’s friendship every damn day.  Also, they were in the front room.  Dylan says the last things he wants to talk about right now are real estate and Joe Clark.  Blah Joe blah. She won’t shut up, so Super Dylan has to kiss her into breathless silence.

 

He walks her up to the special park bench he had reserved, you guys.  With a paper RESERVED sign, mademoiselle.  He also brought hot chocolate and marshmallows.  He asks if she remembers that this is The Bench?  They have a flashback to Dylan standing on The Bench shouting to the empty park, I mean, the world that HE LOVES THIS WOMAN!  He pulls her up on the bench and says he’s not going to be quiet until everyone in the world knows he loves her!  She loves him, too!  Is this a real flashback, because they only that looks different are Avery’s earrings.  She remembers it either way.  

 

He told her then that all he ever wanted was to be together in public.  For some reason or other it hasn’t been their time.  Well, yeah, she says, because first she was married, and then he was in Afghanistan.  “And then I was dead, which made that especially tricky,” he says.  Are you sure you’re not STILL dead?  Because that would explain a lot.  “But you came back to me,” says Avery.  Ah, now we get a real flashback.  Avery looks like an 80’s prom queen, lol.  She’s shocked to see Dylan wearing a t-shirt from The Underground.  “It’s me,” he says.  She works up some tears.  “Is this real?” she whimpers.  Or am I super wasted?  You know how prom gets. He walks up and touches her arm.  “It’s real,” he whispers.

 

He says they’ve had more than their share of roadblocks.  But they’ve overcome it all.  There’s no stopping them, and this isn’t a fantasy.  It’s real.  Real boring.  She takes his hand.

 

Lily sits down with Cane and explains to Joe who wears the pants in this family, even if those pants are  skimpy, little dresses.  “I see you’ve figured out the secret to a successful marriage,” oozes Joe.  #notsuccessful  Okay, about Lily’s questions.  Ask away, he’s an open book.  Who are the investors? Yeah, Cane has to know that as well, now that Lily mentions it.  He has to know where the money’s coming from.  Joe can give them a prospectus on the entire group and plan. 

 

Okay, but Cane wants to know about the sellers. He finds it kind of incredible that everyone’s prepared to sell at once.  He purses his lips.  Joe says the entire property is owned by a single corporate entity.  Slumlords R Us.  Lily looks at a file.  Gerolamo Limited?  I’m seriously guessing at the spelling of THAT.  Cane says that’s weird.  They own the entire warehouse district, and he hasn’t heard of them?  That is weird.  It’s probably Kevin.

 

Neil tells Jack there’s nothing worse than knowing people are keeping things from you.  Hmm, actually knowing the things is probably worse.  He says Jack is a good man, and he’s doing the best he can.  That’s the thing, no matter how he tries to couch this thing, someone he loves is getting hurt.  There’s no getting around it. 

 

Phyllis is using her quiet, evil, growly voice.  “It’s clear to me what you were to Jack, and what you weren’t.  He was alone, and he’s a man.”  “A very passionate man!” adds Kelly.  “And you were available.  Married, taken?  No problem.”  Kelly retorts that her relationship with Billy was-  “Shameless,” says virtuous Phyllis.  “And when it didn’t work out for you?  You couldn’t move on to Jack fast enough.”  Kelly smirks, while Phyllis continues.  “Another grieving Abbott who was committed to another woman.  My God, you must have felt like you got a second shot at the lottery, baby!”  Kelly says she WOULD try to reduce it to THAT. 

 

Phyllis gets the head bobbing going.  “Jack had needs.  And you met them.  But it’s OVER.  And you storming out of room, acting like you’re all wounded?  You’re coming off like a hormonal teenager.  Get over yourself!”  She grabs her coat to leave.  Kelly says she doesn’t think that’s really what pisses Phyllis off, that she and Jack slept together.  “I think it’s the fact that we slept together IN YOUR BED.  Jack holding me in his arms, night after night, in the place you once shared.  The place he INVITED ME to live, to redecorate top to bottom, as THE NEW Lady Of The House!”  Phyllis sneers. 

 

Kelly knows she’s got the knife in, and she loves it.  “That’s right!  We were LIVING TOGETHER!”  He vas MY BOYFRIEND!  “It was Jack’s idea!  He asked me because HE LOVED ME, and he wanted to be with me DAY AND NIGHT.  And you just can’t stand it, can you?”  Phyllis smirks threateningly.  I think she kind of enjoys this.

 

“That’s why you’re threatened.  Not because Jack and I had something physical.  Because we had a COMMITMENT.  We were planning a future!”  Phyllis finally snaps to.  “You are DE-LUSIONAL.  You went after a man who was in love with another woman.”  A very tired woman.   “What does that SAY about you, taking advantage of someone’s grief like that??”  O.o   Did she…did she really just say that?  “SHAME ON YOU!” she shouts.  I can’t even. 

 

Phyllis sneer enunciates about how Jack was alone and vulnerable.  “And you, you were damaged.  And I know it made him feel really good thinking he was rescuing you.”   Kelly looks hurt and angry now.  Don’t do it, Phyllis, don’t.  “Kind of like he was rescuing a little animal out of the gutter.”  KAPOW!  Kelly hauls off and smacks Phyllis so hard she almost knocks her off her feet, which is probably due to the 4” stilettos she’s wearing.  Was that even fake?  Lol  Phyllis looks back and glares.  Omg, Kelly, you’ve woken the demon.

 

Mariah asks Kevin about Michael.  She continues pulling teeth to get it out of him.  He’s just worried that saying it out loud makes it more real.  Michael has cancer, he finally chokes out, and he’s really scared.  Mariah’s shocked.  “That sucks,” she says.  He gets mad.  What?  Doesn’t it suck?  He thinks her support skills are horrible.  They have a tedious conversation where Kevin complains a lot. She says it has to stop, she’s not his whipping boy!!  He says he’s baring his soul to her, and just gets “that sucks.”  She’s like baring your soul??  Bitch, please, it took me the whole show to get one sentence out of you!   They keep talking.  It’s still awkward, so he says he shouldn’t have said anything and runs away.

 

Lauren is upset.  If this were her, Michael would have been the first person she ran to lean on, to help make decisions, to keep her calm.  She’s really at a loss here, because she would NEVER do this to him.  “I would NEVER treat you like that.”  He blathers about how hard it was to tell her he was going to prison for Fenmore, and he couldn’t do it a second time.  Drama. Queen. 

 

They discuss his diagnosis.  Long story short, he’s probably not gonna actually die.  Lauren gets mad all over again.  “Weeks.  WEEKS you knew about this!  WEEKS we could have been discussing what course of action to take.  WEEKS YOU COULD HAVE BEEN GETTING TREATMENT!!”  You idiot!  Did he ONCE ever stop to think about her and their family?!

 

Dylan blah blahs about how he’s been waiting for life to be going right, and what if life never does settle down?  It’s okay, because the two of them can handle anything with their togetherness.  He wants to be with her for the rest of his life.  He gets on one knee.  She jumps up, looking terrified.  “WAIT!”  She makes him stand up. 

 

She inexplicably stares at him for a minute, and then decides she better stand up on The Bench.  Way to take over a dude’s marriage proposal, Avery.  She makes a bench speech to him that he’s the only man she’s ever truly loved, once she understood what that really means.  Everlasting codependency.  He makes her feel truly loved.  Together they’re better.  “We’re amazing.”  She shouts to the Christmas tree shoppers that SHE LOVES THIS MAN!  Um, okay. 

 

“I love you Dylan McAvoy.  So if you were about to ask me what I think you were about to ask me…”  They hold hands out to each other with moony stares.  I am laughing.  Now that her idiotic outburst is over, Dylan gets BACK on one knee, so he can anticlimactically open his ring box.  “Avery, will you marry me?”  Yes.  The Christmas tree shoppers applaud. Probably because they thought this was some kind of awkward street theater.

 

We see the company profile for Gerolamo.  Hey, I spelled it right!  Lily’s main concern is that there a lot of artists renting space in the warehouse district.  Because Lily’s a real artsy, indie type.  What’s going to happen to them?  Well, the new buildings will have art galleries.  That’s for rich people!  What about Lily’s painters and storefront theater companies?  Cane’s like, yeah, she’s right.  Joe says that’s a valid concern, he’ll bring it up with the investors.  #notvalid 

 

Now Lily’s concerned about her cheap labor.  What happens to them?  Joe says the net effect will be positive.  But that’s just Joe’s guess, right, he hasn’t done any research on it.  Is he planning to?  He looks at her like she asks an awful lot of questions for someone with such a short skirt.  Cane gets a call and leaves.

 

Joe says Lily’s passion for this is… “Overbearing?” supplies Lily.  He was going to say hot.  She freezes for a second.  “Excuse me??”  Well, she’s a sharp, attractive, strong point of view woman.  This challenging of his project is very attractive.  “You’re hitting on me,” says Lily.  He’s just showing his appreciation.  Lily smirks.  Joe just hopes Cane realizes what a prize she is and goes out of his way to keep her happy.  He deploys the bedroom stare.  The are you kidding me look on her face is priceless, but she kind of likes it, too.

 

Neil knows Jack’s heart is in the right place but they’ve had this conversation before.  He hates to do this, but, “You made everything worse by protecting everyone involved.  You gave Kelly hope where there was none.  You disrespected Phyllis by trying to hide your engagement.”  He reminds him that the program is about telling the truth.  Neil’s confirming what Jack already knows.  He has to Phyllis about Kelly.  All of it.

 

No need, Kelly’s doing that.  Phyllis rubs her jaw.  “I see I’ve hit a nerve.”  Well, Kelly hit your whole face.  But Phyllis is scrappy.  She’s back in Kelly’s face.  “Jack plucked you out of the gutter, and now he’s tossing you back where you belong.  Get over it,” she hisses.  She starts for the door.  “You know, speaking of DUMPING, Phyllis, did Jack ever tell you about the LAST time he went to the clinic?  A little special trip?”  WE ARE DONE, shouts Phyllis, running out of the office.  LIKE HELL WE ARE, cries Kelly, chasing her.

 

Mariah chases Kevin and catches up to him in the hallway.  She’s sorry, she doesn’t know how to do this friend stuff with someone as screwed up as she is.  She’s just trying to say she’s…lame, and she’s sorry, but he’s not alone.  And she’ll do her best to be there for him.  She hugs him.  Then…he kisses her!  OMG!

 

Michael talks about his cancer questions and worries about what treatment might do to him.  Will he function as a man?  He finally lets go.  He starts screaming and crying.  SONOFOFABITCH!  WHY?  WHY?  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HIM?!  Lauren holds him and says it’s happening to THEM.  TOGETHER they’ll decide what happens next.  “I’m here, baby,” she cries.  Good, now someone with some sense can help him out.

 

Dylan and Avery go home and have engagement sex.  She probably has to be in charge of that, too.

 

Lily talks to Cane in the bar.  She says Joe sidestepped most of her questions, and then laughs about him hitting on her.  Cane’s like wow.  Can he watch?  He asks if it makes her feel uncomfortable.  No, she just finds it annoying because Lily finds most things annoying.  Joe thinks he can just shut her up by charming her.  “Are you upset that he’s not taking you seriously?”  It’s not even that, she’s just, whatever, never mind.  She’s probably making too big a deal out of it and she also kind of likes it.  Cane says they’ll go finish their conversation, and he’ll make sure Joe KNOWS that his hot, sexy wife is not a pushover.  Wink, wink.

 

Kelly has chased Phyllis down the stairs to the lobby so she can scream at her that Jack made a SPECIAL TRIP to Georgia, just to say goodbye to her!  “So when he told me he loved me, he’d BE FREE OF YOU!”  Jack is walking in just then because of course.  “Kelly!” he scolds.  Both women stare at him.  Phyllis is going to tear his throat out.

Edited December 12, 2014 by peach

[Joimiaroxeu]

He vas MY BOYFRIEND!

!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Gerolamo

Geez, I hope that isn't supposed to be an Italian surname because if Chicago mafiosi are all up this, I'm done with Joe Superman.

 

but she kind of likes it, too.

Yeah, "like" as in she had to go change her underwear not long afterward.

[peach]

!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D  I thought you'd like that!  And was that ever the perfect moment.  She needed a violin to punctuate her sentences.  IN YOUR BED! <violin>  LIVING TOGETHER! <violin>

 

Who the hell knows what kind of name Gerolamo is.  Since it rhymes with Geronimo.  Gerolamo sounds like an old folks home at the Alamo.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Gerolamo has to be a combination of names/places or something.  It has kind of put my brain on OT when it is not in the mood!  LOL  And it will end up being so simple all open palms will smack forehead!

 

If it didn't mean anything then ACME Takeovers would have sufficed!   

[Petunia13]

Geralamo....jer a lamo. The show is telling us we are jerks and lame-os.

[movinon]

 

He starts screaming and crying.  SONOFOFABITCH!  WHY?  WHY?  WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HIM?!  Lauren holds him and says it’s happening to THEM.  TOGETHER they’ll decide what happens next.  “I’m here, baby,” she cries.  Good, now someone with some sense can help him out.

This had me snickering forever.  Michael is beyond alone, trying to deal with this, with an idiot for a wife.  Sad to say, but Kevin would be better support - at least, he isn't laughing.  Let's hope they find a way to turn this into a decent story.

[peach]

Thurs, Dec 11    Sweet Like Arsenic

 

We pick up with Kelly shouting at Phyllis that when Jack said he loved Kelly, he was FREE OF HER!  Jack runs up calling, “Kelly!”  “Perfect timing, Jack!” cries Phyllis.  Abso-lutely, says Kelly.  “I AM DONE WITH HER!”  Oh, Phyllis will decide when they’re done!  Jack says this is not the time or the place!  Kelly’s like, PLEASE, leave my place of business!  She runs off.  “Oh, are you kicking me OUT?” mocks Phyllis.  Jack hustles her up the stairs.  Where the hell are they going?

 

Kevin finishes kissing Mariah.  They stare at each other.  Austin comes brushing by, but he’s on the phone and barely notices them.  Austin leaves Summer another message.  PLEASE call him when she tracks down her mom.

 

“What, what’s the problem?” Kevin asks Mariah.  “With what?” she says, slightly dazed.  That thing that just happened, the kiss.  Mariah’s like, uhhhh.  Oh, he gets it, she doesn’t want Austin to get the wrong idea.  Mariah frowns.  Who cares about Austin?  “So it’s ME?  I’m the one with the wrong idea?” asks Kevin.

 

Chelsea and Billy walk in Christmas tree park.  Omg, that Santa’s Village sign is SUCH a piece of CRAP that’s it making me even madder than yesterday.  It doesn’t even belong in a high school play.  They could have bought a better one at a DOLLAR STORE.  This is Y&R, show people, have some frigging standards!! 

 

Chelsea’s on the phone, being too vague for whiny, jealous Billy’s taste.  It was Jeff, she says.  He’s dropping the lawsuit against Stitch, and got the criminal charges dropped, too.  She tries to change the subject.  “How much didja pay him?” asks Billy.  She hems and haws before saying it was enough to do the right thing.  How is this even an issue?  It’s been discussed. 

 

Blah blah Christmas flirting.  Billy can’t wait to see all the presents for Connor, and Johnny, and Delia, and blah blah—Chelsea interrupts.  “You mean Katie.”  Oh, he just slipped when he said Delia.  Chelsea frowns.  She thinks it’s more than that.  That’s because she only has one kid.  Just wait til you call every kid, or even adults, you see “Connor.”

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Adam plays chess by himself.  Brain exercises today.  Here’s a brain exercise:  how many people does it take to play chess?  Sage says he must be exhausted since his foray into GC.  It seems like they’re trying to make her look Chelsea-ish.  She says he almost blew it.  “Until you saved me,” he says only semi-sarcastically. Is that a thank you, she asks in mock surprise.  Okay, yeah, getting him out of that club when he saw Billy and Chelsea together, that’s what he needed. 

 

She knows how hard this is, and this transition’s going to take some time.  Adam disagrees completely.  The only way to do this is just dive in.  He needs to reclaim his life and family.  I guess he’s planning on winning Chelsea over AS Gabriel? Instead of passing her a note that says Meet me at the bank in Switzerland, love Adam.

 

Chelsea keeps making a big deal about Billy accidentally calling Katie Delia.  Billy knows Katie is her own person.  Yes, he’s reminded of Delia sometimes.  Blah tedious blah.  “You can’t replace someone that you loved and lost with somebody else,” he says.  Chelsea says kind of like with Adam.  Yeah, Billy LOVES talking about Adam.  Chelsea loved him but she doesn’t consider Billy a way to REPLACE him.  Nope, not at all.  “Well, I certainly hope NOT, considering how worthless and malicious Adam was.”  She stares at Billy with disappointment.

 

Sage tells Adam he can’t renege on their deal.  He’ll just go back and forth between the castle and GC, then.  She insists it’s too much, too soon.  Well, that’s HER opinion.  She reaches down to the chess board.  Checkmate, loser.  “You’re unprepared,” she says.  FINE, maybe he wasn’t as prepared as he should have been yesterday.  Seeing Chelsea with Billy was ughhh, but it was just an inconvenience.  What really worried him is that she might not be convinced he’s who he claims to be.  Yeah, because he’s not enough like Gabriel! 

 

They argue about him needing the information NOW to play Gabriel with utter confidence.  They’re just now getting around to the idea that Adam needs to know the details of books, sports, clothes he liked.  What the hell have they been doing all this time he’s spent lying around?  Binge watching Breaking Bad?  Sage says she’ll make some notes and they’ll start tomorrow.  OR, they could start now, says Adam.  This is going to be a long episode.

 

Mariah and Kevin bicker about the exact nature of The Kiss.  Austin comes back to her and asks about his shift.  She stammers and stutters.  “Why are you being weird?” frowns Austin.  His phone rings and he grabs it immediately.  “Your wife’s really got ya trained,” snarks Mariah.  THAT’S the Mariah he knows, so all is well.  Kevin asks him what’s up.  <sigh>  Summer’s trying to track down her mom.  Those meddling kids react like this has something to do with them, and follow Austin into the clubhouse for more details! 

 

“Phyllis took off?” worries Kevin for no reason in particular.  Austin tells them how Phyllis came over for lunch, and then things got intense, and she ran off.  “Intense over what?” asks Mariah.  They think she may have figured out that Jack was seriously into Kelly.  Oof, says Kevin.  “If she has sniffed out Kelly, then the best thing for you and Summer is to STEER CLEAR of the blast zone,” he advises.

 

Jack and Phyllis are going to fight it out…in Kelly’s office.  That’s not weird or inappropriate.  “I know EVERYTHING!  EVERYTHING that happened between you and thatwoman when I was gone!” says Phyllis.  Jack’s like, everything?  Cuuuz that’s a lot of things.  Yeah, not that he bothered to tell her one word!   She had to figure it out all on her own.  So instead of coming to him and asking, she ATTACKS KELLY?  Gosh, what a surprise, Jack.  “Oh, yeah, ‘cause I was coming after YOU next, but I wanted to get a few things straight with that SLUT first!” 

 

Jack is pissed.  He tells her to STAY there, and heads for the door.  “Where the hell are you going?”  TO CHECK ON KELLY!  Phyllis is like, seriously?!  “KELLY is not wearing your ring!  She’s not your concern anymore, Jack.  You MADE your choice.  And thatwoman can take care of herself!”  Thatwoman deserves his compassion at the very least!  Phyllis is outraged.  “Are you going to LEAVE ME, and make sure SHE’S okay?  Is that what you’re going to do?!”  “I AM.  STAY HERE,” he orders.  She does!

 

Kelly’s at the bar slamming down a shot, since she loves throwing back the liquor at work.  She needs it, though, because here comes Summer.  She’s looking for Phyllis or Jack.  She thinks her mom KNOWS!  “Phyllis THOUGHT she knew everything about Jack and me, but she didn’t,” Kelly says bitterly.  Wait, Kelly saw her mom??  YES, and Kelly was more than happy to fill her in.  It was quite a scene!  Nervous Summer was afraid this was going to happen.  Does she know where her mom is now?  Nope, Jack dragged her off somewhere before it could get worse.  Somewhere like YOUR office.  Jack comes down and comforts Summer.  

 

Disgusted Kelly walks away.  Jack sends Summer up to Phyllis. “Kelly, please!”  She whips around.  “What do YOU want?”  He wants to know she’s okay.  “Don’t you dare tell me how sorry you are!”  Hmm, didn’t hear him say that.   He tries to pacify her, but she doesn’t want to hear it!  “You are the one who made a horrible mistake!  And you’re going to spend the rest of your life regretting it!”  Jack stares.

 

“I heard a LOT about Phyllis,” says Kelly, “how jealous she could be, how over the top she was.  But I had no idea what a flat-out psycho she actually is!” Even though that was only first gear for Phyllis.  And Kelly just assaulted her.  And Abby TOLD her Phyllis was an ATTEMPTED MURDERER.  Jack’s not going to defend Phyllis.  “Well, good!  Because she’s indefensible!”  Kelly complains about all the terrible things Phyllis said, and that instead of blaming Jack, she came after Kelly.

 

Jack keeps apologizing for Phyllis.  Kelly’s mind is blown by this whole thing.  “I cannot believe THIS is the woman that you talked so much about!  The one that you loved SO much, that brought such joy into your life?  I cannot believe that you chose THATWOMAN…over ME.”  Jack flaps.  Crazy bitches turn him on, what can he say?

 

Phyllis questions Summer’s intentions, but she whines that she was just worried about her!  Summer says when Phyllis got so upset she, meaning Austin, knew it had to be about more than the apartment.  It was Kelly, wasn’t it?  Phyllis turns a reptile stare on Summer.  “You knew?  Omg, and you kept it from me?”  Summer didn’t WANT to.  She felt terrible about it. 

 

Jack didn’t tell her to keep quiet, it wasn’t like that.  “Then what was it LIKE?”  Summer was scared her mom would get sick again, and she thought at the right time, JACK would finally tell her.  So she waited and waited and now Phyllis is mad at her.  Waah.  Phyllis softens and says she’s not mad.  She never should have put any of this on Summer.  It’s just been so shocking finding out what’s happened while she was gone.  “At least now you know everything,” whimpers Summer.  No, there’s still something she needs to tell her.

 

Sage brings Adam a cigar box of Gabriel’s prized person possessions. Adam says he had exceptional taste.  Sage hands him his favorite watch.  “With much love, Dad” is engraved on it.  Adam puts it on.  So Sage knew Gabriel well, didn’t she?  They “spent some time together” she says, all melancholy, but Adam again doesn’t pick up on the obvious.  Did Gabriel teach her how to play chess so well?  “I taught him.”  Adam gives a little “whoa” grin.  Girls and chess, who knew?

 

She says the watch was a college graduation gift.  He was very close to his father, and devastated when he passed.  Well, Adam’s going to have to fake that part.  He and TGVN didn’t really have that kind of relationship, what with him not having a stripper mom, the company takeovers, and marrying the same woman and whatnot.  What about his mother? 

 

Adam gets sentimental.  His mother…was the most wonderful person he’s ever known.  Feelz make him uncomfortable, so he changes the subject.  He looks in the mirror and says it’s time to find out if he knows Gabriel Bingham well enough to fool the world.  Since no one else knows the guy who lived in the castle down the street, that should be pretty easy.  The main thing is just to not be Adam.

 

Hey, guess what, you guys?  Billy hates Adam for killing his daughter!  Chelsea still loves Adam’s memory!  ETCETERA! Chelsea says Billy doesn’t get it that this is her first Christmas without Adam.  Well, maybe cry on your mom’s shoulder about that.  Billy says whatever happiness she had LAST Christmas was all a lie.  Because ADAM KNEW he had just killed Delia and was just pretending. 

 

CHELSEA KNOWS.  Blah mixed emotions blah.  She wants Billy to be SENSITIVE and AWARE.  Hahahaha.  It’s almost the one year anniversary of when Billy shot, crashed, and exploded him, so BE AWARE.   He will TRY to be more sensitive, but if she’s looking for him to give up his hatred, he can’t do that.  I think she just wants you to STFU about it.

 

Austin doesn’t want Summer to get caught in the crossfire when Phyllis goes after Kelly and Jack.  He walks away.  Mariah tells Kevin he can’t just kiss someone, but she’s twinkly about it.  Didn’t she like it?  She…didn’t expect it.  Well, he didn’t PLAN it.  It’s called being in the moment.  She laughs.  “A moment of what?”  Affection.  He opened up about his brother, and she comforted him.  Friends comfort each other through kissing allll the time, he says.  Oh, so that’s the kind of friends they are?  What should they do next, have sex, she jokes.  They stare at each other.  Wheels turn.

 

Billy and Chelsea blah Adam blah.  Connor just needs to know how much his father loved him. “Not as much as he loved himself,” snarks Billy.  THAT’S the kind of thing she doesn’t want him saying in front of her or her kid.  Well, Billy can’t help his feelz.  Or his mouth, apparently.  And he struggles because Connor the biter is starting to resemble evil Adam.  If he really loves them as much as says he does, he has to accept that Adam will always be part of their lives.  FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME.

 

Sage quizzes Adam on Gabriel’s bio.  He needs to smile more when he talks, she coaches.  Basically, Gabriel was a rich brat who went to Princeton, sailed, rowed, went to England, partied too much, and took too long to graduate.  “Gabriel was very smart, he just didn’t like academia,” insists Sage.  “That’s what they all say.  He was a screw up who got by on charm and personality.  I know the type,” says Adam.  There’s his cue.  Just pretend you’re Nick, or Billy.  Sage chides that Gabriel was very kind and sweet, and everyone felt that.  “So try and suppress your actual personality when you’re out there being Gabriel.”  Adam’s like, awww, Sage doesn’t think he’s sweet?  Sweet like arsenic, she retorts.

 

Okay, after college?  He went to work with daddy in software.  But Adam has disdain for Gabriel’s lousy business acumen, since he ran around the world and let his company go under.  No, says Sage, it was a hostile takeover.  Oh, Sage, that’s because Gabriel sucked!  Of all the fake identities, he has to have one that’s bad at business.  Adam says he’s ready.  Sage disagrees, he knows the FACTS, but he’s nothing like Gabriel Bingham!  And he’s an emotional mess.  He better pull it together or this whole thing will fall apart.  Can't he just claim brain injury changed his personality?  That seems much easier.

 

Phyllis’ big question is “How did you feel about Jack and Kelly?”  Ooo, no landmines there.  Summer says she was a brat about them being together for a while.  Phyllis is like, atta girl!  But eventually, Summer tried to accept it.  “You liked her?”  Summer loved JACK like he was her dad, since he WAS at the time, and he finally started to look like himself again.  Not constantly miserable. 

 

Phyllis asks if Jack did visit her at the clinic to say goodbye.  Yep.  She takes it hard, sort of drawing inward.  But SUMMER believed the ENTIRE TIME that she would come back, and that Jack would want to be with her, and she TOLD Kelly that.  But she also understood that Jack shouldn’t be alone (after Noah convinced her).   “When he gave up on me,” says Phyllis.  Summer really wishes she would understand.  Maybe she will after she hashes it out with JACK.  She gets her coat.  “Mom, please have SOME sympathy for Jack.”  Not in this lifetime, honey.

 

Jack tells Kelly she’s only seen one side of Phyllis, clearly not her best side.  Phyllis has a good side?  Or is it really more like a…kernel.  “You’re DEFENDING HER?” asks Kelly incredulously.  “No, I’m thanking you.”  For being a selfless sap and always taking the high road, except for that right hook a minute ago.  “Yeah, that’s right, Jack, I DID.  I did everything that you asked me to do!”  She moved out and kept quiet because she was foolish enough to think he was going to step up and tell Phyllis about them.  Foolish enough to believe he still wanted her.  Well, that was probably foolish.  But now that she sees the real Phyllis-lover Jack, she’s GLAD to be rid of him!  “Because now I know what kind of man you really are.”  PHYLLIS LOVER!  Phyllis appears.  “Oh, look, it’s your fiancée.”  She storms away.

 

Jack and Phyllis get home.  She’s holding in the pain.  “How long have you known?” demands Jack.  A few weeks.  “How’d you find out?”  Her messages…miss you, love you.  He’s like, you hacked my phone!  “Yeah, I invaded your privacy, Jack.”  Then why didn’t she SAY something?  She whirls on him.  “Because I wanted YOU to say something!” she hisses.  “I KNEW there was something different about you, and there it was, you had fallen in love with another woman!”  He was GOING to tell her, but the doctors TOLD him not to add to her distress!  “Oh my GOODNESS!  YOU KNEW IT WOULD ADD TO YOUR DISTRESS!” 

 

He’s not going to let her twist this around!  After everything she’d been through, the last thing he wanted to do was HURT her!  “Well, guess what?  Ya did!”  He tries to embrace her from behind, but she throws him off!  “You hurt me so bad,” she wails through angry tears.  Let him do this, let him hold your arms down, maybe to keep you from scratching his eyes out. It was killing him not telling her!  He was planning to do it today.  She turns around.  Are you kidding her?  That’s awfully CONVENIENT.  “I’m not the only one in this room who’s been lying, Phyllis,” he says quietly.

 

Kelly comes back to her office to find Summer sitting there.  Well, THAT’S all she needs!  “Whattayneed, Summer?”  She meekly says she came to apologize for her mom.   “Your self-righteous, narcissistic mother, who wouldn’t know an apology if it bit her in the butt??”  Summer’s like, hey, my mom is still getting used to being back, and, YES, she was mad that Jack broke his promise.  “Well, that sounds familiar,” gripes Kelly.  “And Summer, you don’t have to apologize for her!”  Codependency, look it up, kid.  Summer says she knows Kelly loves Jack, and she really helped him.  She’s sorry Kelly got hurt.  She leaves.  Kelly presses her red, red lips together for silent weeping.

 

Mariah seems pretty much up for “friends with benefits.”  Kevin says, “Do the sex?  Us?”  Do the sex?  Do people say that now?  She says who else?  He can’t believe he’s saying no.  Why no?  He can’t deny that part of him, guess which part, thinks it sounds great.  His other parts are kind of excited about it, too, but…he can TALK to Mariah!  He doesn’t want to mess up Thiiis, with Thaaat.  Talking and sex just don’t go together in Kevin’s world. 

 

“Is that what happened with Chloe?”  He says it all goes back to her, doesn’t it.  He shows Mariah a picture of Delia.  He was demolished when they lost her, but CHLOE literally lost her mind.  “And you got her help.”  Nooo, he married her.  As like, a cure.  She’s like, whew, bad idea.  Yeah, but he ignored that.  “So where is she now?”  She’s somewhere getting better without him.  And getting knocked up by a number of possibilities.  He knows some relationships can’t be saved.

 

Billy will never stop hating Adam, you guys.  But he lurves Chelsea, and respects what she has to do for Connor.  He loves that little spawn of Adam.  It will take a LOT for him to shut his mouth, but he will TRY.  He refuses to let Adam come between them and the life they’re building.  They hug, but Billy has doubts!  Again!

 

Adam admits he was a little off his game yesterday, but it was the first time he saw Chelsea.  Sage says he got rattled when he saw BILLY, and with what’s at stake…  Adam KNOWS he can’t afford for anyone to find out he’s Adam Newman.  Too many people want to see him locked up.  She’s TRYING to be helpful.  He suggests she be helpful by getting out of the way.  Her agreeing to all this was her choice!  She doesn’t get to call all the shots! Sage just wants a little more time!  “TOMORROW I’m going back to Genoa City, and I’m starting over.”

 

So, Mariah says, Kevin was devoted to Chloe, and loved Delia like his own daughter.  She’s never had anyone love her like that before.  But that wasn’t a hint, okay?  “Relax, we’re friends,” says Kevin.  They agree they’re totally cool.  “No more comfort through kissing,” says Mariah.  They twinkle at each other.  He offers her a ride home, and she offers to let him help decorate the Charlie Brown tree he got her.  He’s like, that’ll take two minutes and one ornament!  “Yes or no?”  He’ll get the tinsel!  She’ll get her coat!

 

Summer comes rushing in and hugs Austin.  She found Phyllis, and Jack and Kelly.  But not in time.  It was BAD.  Phyllis thinks she and Jack betrayed her.  Did she take it out on Summer?  She says it was intense, but they ended up in a good place.  But she really ripped into Kelly, and was gearing up for a battle with Jack.

 

“You CANNOT condemn me for not being forthcoming, when you haven’t been either!” scolds Jack.  “I know how your evil brain works, you’ve been TESTING me!”  She says she’s been waiting PATIENTLY for her fiancé to fess up!  “Like HELL,” he says.  She asks where he’s going.  “To turn up the thermostat so you can take your damn coat off!”  Don’t even bother!  She’ll go to HER place.  “Oh, wait a minute, I CAN’T.  You SOLD it!”  That was a very difficult decision, says Jack.  Not since he decided to move on without her!

 

“Then I find out, that you actually came to the clinic to say GOODBYE to me! Thanks for the memories, but sorry, baby, I got a new woman in my home!”  Jack says that was the most painful thing he’s ever done in his life!  “Dumping me when I couldn’t talk back, to tell you to BITE ME!!  How hard was that?!”  So he wouldn’t feel like he was CHEATING!  “I WASN’T CHEATING!” shouts Jack. 

 

Phyllis is crying again.  “Did you make her laugh?  Did you stroke her hair, did you rub her back?  Did you do all those things?  DID YOU TURN UP THE DAMN THERMOSTAT FOR HER?!  Because all that stuff is MY STUFF!  Stuff that MY man does for ME!  JUST ME!” she screams.  She turns away, but Jack grabs her arm.  Tears run down her face, and melancholy music plays.  “Did you love her?” chokes out Phyllis.  They stare at each other.  “You cheated,” Phyllis whispers.  “You were not here,” says Jack, sorrowfully.  She throws off her coat.  “That wasn’t my decision.”

 

Jack stares sadly.  “Phyllis, you left me here with all of your stuff.  The scent of you.  Your presence was in every room of this house, taunting me!  Touch me, Jack…but you can never have me again,” he chokes.  And after countless hours, days, weeks, and months of NO response, to ANYONE…yes, he got to the point where.. “You wanted her?” accuses Phyllis.  I want to feel sorry for Phyllis until I remember how long she would have waited for Jack.  “Where I actually accepted the fact that you would not come back to love me again.”  But he did keep sniffing her perfume after sex with Kelly. 

 

“Is that your apology?  DO YOU NOT FEEL GUILTY AT ALL?!”  He felt SO guilty, and he STILL feels guilty!  “You should!  You moved her into this house?”  He’s like, uh, how did you know that?  Because Kelly confirmed it!  And she found those DISGUSTING fabric swatches.  HOW could he pick someone with such bad taste??  He sinks onto the couch.  Phyllis asks why, why did he ask her to marry him? 

 

“Because you came back,” he says, voice quavering.  He only had memories for so long, he wasn’t prepared for her glorious, psycho return of ALL of her.  “Passionate, alluring, vindictive, and infuriating, and selfish, and psychotic, and dishonest, and hypocritical, and Nick obsessed, and so incredibly beautiful!”  IOW, you take some getting used to.  But she came back to him, and he doesn’t want to spend another day of his life without her!  Without her loving him!  “What about Kelly?” she whispers.  Kelly is a part of his PAST, and she’s GONE NOW.  She has to believe him.  “You have to trust me, or we have nothing here.  Can you do that?” he asks.

 

Austin says Summer always said Phyllis and Jack loved each other so much nothing could come between them.  Yeah, but that’s when she was unconscious.  Phyllis wouldn’t let something that good go just because of Kelly, says Austin.  Summer says she seemed really mad.  Yeah, but she still wants to marry Jack, and she wants the life back she had before the accident.  Summer’s beginning to wonder if that’s possible.  Our Summer is finally growing up.

 

Kelly tries to work at her desk.  She opens a drawer and finds the old, yucky rose that Jack gave here that one time.  She melodramatically, slowly, laughably, holds it over the waste basket…and drops it.  She lays her head down on her desk and sobs.  Waaaahhhh!

 

Phyllis morosely says somehow she will find a way to move on from what happened with Kelly.  Maybe by moving a car on her head.  Now Jack gets to ask Phyllis why.  “Because, dammit, I love you.”  She hugs and kisses him, and then runs upstairs by herself.  Jack is bummed out.

 

Chelsea and Billy talk about hot chocolate and have a fake snowball fight.  Because love.

 

Adam has a nightmare about killing Delia. He bolts up in bed, breathing heavily.  I really think he needs someone to comfort him.

Edited December 13, 2014 by peach

[Desperately Random]

As much as I loved these peachcaps before, they are even better and funnier now that I watched the episode first. I always thought some of the snarky/bad dialogue was made up but now I know it's part of the actual dialogue. Wow.

 

“Gabriel was very smart, he just didn’t like academia,” insists Sage.  “That’s what they all say.  He was a screw up who got by on charm and personality.  I know the type,” says Adam.  There’s his cue.  Just pretend you’re Nick, or Billy.  Sage chides that Gabriel was very kind and sweet, and everyone felt that.  “So try and suppress your actual personality when you’re out there being Gabriel.”  Adam’s like, awww, Sage doesn’t think he’s sweet?  Sweet like arsenic, she retorts.

 

That was great peach. One of the many times I laughed out loud reading this. And I liked Sage's line about Adam suppressing his personality. I don't know who Sage is (does anyone?) but if she keeps up with the snark she can stick around for a while.

[peacheslatour]

 

And she found those DISGUSTING fabric swatches.  HOW could he pick someone with such bad taste??

Hey, I'm with Phyllis on this one.  The sooner interior designers get over their obsession with mid 20th century modern the happier I'll be.

 

Great peachcaps today!  What a treat for the weekend!

[kia112]

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Adam plays chess by himself.  Brain exercises today.  Here’s a brain exercise:  how many people does it take to play chess?

 

I had moved on to the next sentence before that sunk in.  Once it did, I couldn't stop laughing.

[NinjaPenguins]

I wish I could quote all of peach's gems, but I'm stuck on an ipad until my new laptop battery arrives. The stuff with Billy and Chelsea is pure gold. Only peach could make this twisted yet stunningly bland couple interesting!

[movinon]

 

Adam has a nightmare about killing Delia. He bolts up in bed, breathing heavily.  I really think he needs someone to comfort him.

This is worrying me because in the real scene, Adam didn't see Delia at all, just the dog.  I hope it's just guilt and not the re-writing of the story.  Justin Hartley is too good to bring on and just put in prison for something that was at the very worst, an accident.  Excellent recap, as usual, Peach.

[peacheslatour]

 

This is worrying me because in the real scene, Adam didn't see Delia at all, just the dog.

JMHO, but I still don't think Adam did it.  Hitting a human being with your car would do a lot more damage.  He may have bumped her after she was killed, thus the scarf or whatever it was.  He thinks he did it, but I think someone else actually killed her.  Too bad dogs can't talk.

[Desperately Random]

I don't think he did it either. If they don't have it as someone else, then how are they going to get around Adam going to jail when he is discovered to be Adam and not Gabriel. Of course, in GC you can kidnap a woman and shoot the police chief and basically get a fine. So the MWT may come up with some asinine legal loophole which will have the viewers saying "WTF? Are you kidding me with this shit?" and Adam will end up getting 20 hours of community service.

[peacheslatour]

 

"WTF? Are you kidding me with this shit?" and Adam will end up getting 20 hours of community service.

As the history of this show would have it, all he has to do is say he "didn't mean it, he was drunk/off his meds, upset about his wife's last miscarriage". etc., etc.  But that only works for certain people so they would likely fry Adam.  That is why I think he didn't do it.  It has to be some other scapegoat.  One that never pays, like Nikki or someone disposable, like Ian Ward.

[ByTor]

Adam has a nightmare about killing Delia. He bolts up in bed, breathing heavily.  I really think he needs someone to comfort him.

Being that nobody else volunteered, I'll do it :)

[peach]

Fri, Dec 12     Scorched Earth

 

Mixed blessings today.  Sharon is back on, but then, so is Nick.  He’s standing haughtily on her doorstep asking if Faith is ready for school.  Sharon’s calm and cool, and looking fab in a tan and wine colored blouse that I need to own.   Faith’s brushing her teeth, but Nick’s welcome to wait inside, maybe have a cup of coffee, with DAVID SHERMAN.  O.M.G.  How DARE Sharon get a GOOD lawyer to keep her daughter.  It’s an outrage!!  What are they doing, brainwashing Faith into what to say?  Is that their game plan?!  Coaching her so she’ll stay with the mother she adores?  Sharon stares him down like a lioness.

 

Adam and Sage hang out in Crimson Lights.  They’re really enjoying each other’s company, as usual.  He asks if she ever sleeps, or goes to the ladies room, or reads a book?  Anything besides look over his shoulder?  “Yes, I am an actual person, Gabe, I do a lot of things that don’t involve you.”   But she is pretty good at looking over his shoulder. He pulls his phone out to check the time, and she reminds dear Gabe that he has a WATCH for that, a gift from his father.  “Maybe you should pay attention to  your current life instead of your old one.”  Adam says she’s just jealous of his life because hers is just watching old women and grown men. 

 

She asks why he’s slumming in this coffee shop.  Well, it is crap, but a lot of locals hang out here, and he thinks he can practice being Gabriel on unsuspecting friends and enemies.  “Well, your own widow didn’t waste more than two seconds looking at you, so congratulations.  You passed the test,” she says with a sarcastic salute.  She’s much more fun when she’s not shouting.  Adam says Chelsea was across the room, so it doesn’t count.  It’s time to get up close and personal.  Noah walks in, so he’s got his first guinea pig.

 

Victor and Victoria make over the baby.  Victor can’t wait til she’s behind a desk at Newman-Chancellor.  Katie Rose looks away like she can’t even.  She wants to go to art school.  I can tell.  But he wants to talk about Victoria’s future.  What’s her next move?

 

Stitch and Ashley discuss evaporation in the lab.  It’s not ideal.  Tobias finally leaves the room, and Ashley scampers over to Stitch with a big grin.  There’s so much tension between them, and she just doesn’t know why!  They’re two adults, it was only one night…unless she’s missing something. Umm, one of the adults is the boss?  Stitch looks at her, like, gee, this ice is thin. 

 

Sage thinks Noah’s cute.  Yeah, really, but he’s Adam’s nephew…his brother Nick’s son.  “Ohhh, your brother Nick that you wanted to leave dead in the woods?”  Yeah, that one.  She judges.  Adam’s like, don’t give me that, he would have done the same to me.  She says, yeah, sure.  She already favors Nick because of course.  She asks how his nephew feels about him.  Welll, it’s complicated, as he also used to be his stepson.  He actually saved his life once, which you’d think would win him some brownie points, but in the end…nothing.  With his mother, absolutely, because Sharon is awesome, but with him, nothing, because Noah has Nick’s hero gene.  “Well, at least your motives were pure,” says Sage.  Adam agrees, lol.  Sage and Joe should hook up and compliment everyone to death.

 

Well, Adam’s going over to talk to Noah, so Sage should probably leave.  She says if things get messy she can take care of herself.  “Well, that is ADORABLE that you think I’m concerned about you, but if he suspects me, I’m gonna have to bolt, and I don’t want you slowing me down.”  Omg, it’s not like you’re robbing the place.  Sage just smirks at her awful, new Gabriel.

 

Sharon tells Nick it wasn’t planned, David was just a few minutes early.  Nick is furious.  Why couldn’t David wait in the car?  “Faith, I’d like you to shake the hand of the man who tried to destroy your grandmother in court,” he sneers.  Sharon‘s not impressed by his blustering.  “I’m not the one who started this custody suit, Nick, YOU are.  So don’t come in here and throw around accusations.  I would NEVER cut you out of our daughter’s life, can you say wouldn’t do the same to me?”  Well, of course not.  So he turns on David.

 

“What’s the angle?  Feed Faith a bunch of lies, try and trash me in front of a judge?” he snarls.  Oh, he’s just there for the coffee.  And probably the view.  David probably wouldn’t even mind taking down this arrogant douchebag for free.  Sharon says if he’s so worried about what Faith thinks about him, then WHY is he taking her to court!  “Because I’M the parent.  It’s my job to do whatever is best for my ego, I mean, Faith.  NO MATTER WHAT.”    Sharon’s like, riiiight.  “Meaning you want every ugly detail out there about me..but no one’s allowed to say anything bad about you.” 

 

Because what she did to HIM and TO SUMMER is pertinent.  IT matters.  It shows everyone what she’s capable of!  I love his logic.  What she’ll do to your harlot’s love child has so much to do with how she treats her own child.  David thanks Nick for the excellent insight on the approach he and Avery plan to take in court.  “Well, we all know YOUR approach, don’t we, Sherman?  It’s scorched earth!  I saw it first hand with what you did to my mother.”  Like Nick’s never scorched anyone’s earth before.  Sharon’s like, ugggh. 

 

Will David go in the kitchen so she can talk to this idiot alone?  She widens her eyes at Nick, like, seriously?  Nick really has his panties in a bunch.  This is just another SLAP IN HIS FACE when he’s just trying to take her child away from her!  How DARE she try to win!  How could she hire the man who defended Ian Ward?  What does MARIAH have to say about this??  Mariah thinks you’re an ass and would probably tell Sharon to keep her kid at any cost.  Sharon says anything she has to explain to Mariah, she will. 

 

“Why don’t you explain it to ME first?” growls Nick.  “I hired a FRIEND to take your daughter away.  You went DEF CON 4 with your choice.”  Sharon’s like, bitch, please.  She ain’t MY friend.  “Avery is a high powered attorney, who also happens to be your ex-fiancee.  And we all know how she feels about me.  I hired an attorney who isn’t afraid of the Newman name or resources.”  “He’s a shark!” snarls Nick, “who likes seeing his name in print!”  Yep!  Sharon’s cool like a mob boss.  “This could allll go away, Nick, with one word from you.”

 

Faith comes downstairs.  “You’re fighting again,” she says solemnly.  Nooo, lies Nick.  “We’re just talking, kid.”  About how I’m going to steal you away but this bitch won’t go down without a fight.  What does she want him to cook for dinner tonight?  “For a sleepover at your house?” Faith says suspiciously.  Hey, it’s HER house, too.  “I’m not sleeping there,” she says matter-of-factly.  “You can’t make me and punish Mommy, too.”  Nick’s like, awww, why ya gotta say that?

 

Stitch laughs nervously, and Ashley says she can tell he wants to talk, get something off his chest.  Hmm, seems like the opposite of that, but she’s the boss.  “I already told you, I don’t think less of you,” she says brightly.  He appreciates that.  It was a bad night.  “I mean, emotionally!” he corrects.  But since then some good things have happened.  Jeff dropped his lawsuit, and the DA’s not pressing charges against him.”  Ashley says that’s fantastic. 

 

So, um, does he get to keep his medical license?  Stitch doesn’t know yet.  But practicing medicine feels like the whole point to his life.  Ah, as opposed to rape perfume,” says Ashley.  “I guess I can understand that, but I hope you know how much we value you here.”  He knows, and he’s grateful.  The progress on the rape fragrance is the first thing he’s been proud of in a long time.  She realizes he probably gets proud feelz a lot practicing medicine and wants to go back to it first chance he gets.  He promises he won’t go back until they finish their project.  Coming from Noble Stitch that’s very special. 

 

Ashley keeps fishing about what other things looking up.  Well, he saw Victoria again, of course.  And he was wrong that the door was shut with her.  “Okay, then you officially regret that shower we took, don’t you?  And what happened after.”  Stitch thinks about how to answer that question and stay alive and employed.

 

Victoria says Katie doesn’t need Business Victoria, she just needs Mommy Victoria.  Well, what about her love life?  She admits she’s delirously in love…with the baby.  He keeps trying to find out who she’s chosen.  She insists men are not her priority right now.  And they shouldn’t be his either.  They should all just focus on the Newman princess.  “There’s no other mogul on earth who’s as adorable as you are with an infant.  It’s a proven fact.”  He chuckles.  He does love babies.  He just hates everyone else. 

 

So what does Special Snowflake want to do about work?  Well, she hasn’t decided what her whims about that will be yet.  Victor says she’s of enormous value to the company.  That six weeks she worked there before leaving again must have been amazing.  It just warms his heart to see her at the office every day.  Vicky promises she’s not retiring.  She’ll be back at Newman-Chancellor when she feels like it.  But only on one condition.

 

Stitch says there’s no such thing as regret with a woman like Ashley!  She’s brilliant, exciting, stunning..  She’s like, no, don’t do that.  He doesn’t have to flatter her.  “If things were different…” says Stitch.  Like, if they had any chemistry.  Ashley knows.  And they’re not.  Stitch says it’s complicated, personally and professionally.  “So we’re agreed,” says Ashley.  “It was just a one-time thing, that’s best forgotten.”  Hey, Stitch ain’t forgetting it.  Ashley says Billy and Victoria had Something Really Special, so she can’t help but root for them, sorry.  #notsorry  Well, Stitch expected that.  But then again, if you look at them objectively, maybe they have moved on.  Stitch says it’s a new chapter for both of them, and he hopes to be in Victoria’s. 

 

Ashley says it’s a good thing Jack and Abby didn’t suspect anything when she woke up him a minute before they walked in.  Stitch would never mention it to anyone, of course.  Ashley promises SHE’S not going to say anything about banging her chemist in the lab shower.  “Us being quiet about it is your best chance with Victoria, right?  Because if she did find out about it, that door she’s kept open for you would probably shut for good.”  Stitch wonders if that's a veiled threat?  Mess with one Abbott, you get the whole herd.

 

Victor’s ready to negotiate with Special Snowflake.  What goodies does she need to come back?  Vicky says Katie’s a gift she never thought she was going to have.  Blah blah.  I mean, sure, she had those other kids, but deep down she thinks there’s always more love to give.  Victor and Nikki taught her that.  And she doesn’t want to miss one single second with Katie.  But she also wants to work, so she wants a full nursery next to her office like she had for Reed.  Of course.  Anything for Special Snowflake.  Your other employees can suck it.

 

So let’s talk shop.  Do we have any info on Ashley’s project?  “Do we know what we’re up against?”  Victor says the question is, do they fully realize what THEY’RE up against:  Thieves.

 

Sharon tries to convince Faith that she loves spending the night at Daddy’s.  He’ll make pancakes.  Faith puts on her best tsk tsk look.  “Daddy doesn’t want to be a family with us.”  Nick says families change.  Sharon says Faith knows that, maybe too much.  But she doesn’t mind Faith sleeping over with Daddy, because SHE actually LOVES YOU.  “I think you and Daddy deserve to have your special time together, just like we deserve to have ours.” 

 

Nick grimaces.  He says this is a bigger conversation for another time.  But it’s time for school!  Faith walks to the door, but turns and cuts Nick off at the knees with her glance.  She goes outside.  Nick turns on Sharon.  “Did you tell her I was punishing you?!”  No, she’s a smart little girl.  Sharon admitted she did something wrong and there ARE consequences.  Nick says, “The consequences right now are that my daughter hates me.  Thank you!”  YOU’RE WELCOME!!!! 

 

“Well, no one’s forcing you to sue for custody, Nick!  I did something wrong.  How you choose to handle it’s up to you.”  He’s gonna HANDLE IT by doing whatever’s best for Faith NO MATTER WHAT.  “We haven’t even been to court yet, and  you already act as if you’ve won.”  Once they find out how she switched the DNA results, HOW exactly does she think he’s going to lose??  Wait, why were there DNA results to switch?

 

Sharon says maybe the judge will be RATIONAL, and understand she did something terrible when she was ILL.  Ugh, Nick can’t even STAND IT!  “Oh, and I’m sure Sherman’s just gonna pound that home!  Your illness, and how you were a victim, and how it’s never your fault!  IS THAT HOW YOU’RE GONNA PLAY IT, SHERMAN?” he shouts toward the kitchen.  DUH!!!

 

“Because it’s TRUE,” says Sharon.  “And I have my illness under control now, DESPITE all the pressure I’m under.”  Nick says she has MOMENTS of lucidity.  She’s definitely lucid enough to hire David Sherman to scorch your earth.  “You KNEW you had done something evil.  Because you worked so hard to cover it up!  Your choices, Sharon, people suffered because of them.  SUMMER suffered!”  Waaaah!!!!  Nobody’s ever suffered from Nick’s choices.  Certainly not that other kid, what’s-his-name.  I think it starts with an N.

 

Sharon will regret it forever. And she knows that it cost her Nick, and she accepts that.  But she will NOT give up her daughter just so he can have an eye for an eye.  “Well, then, I’ll see you in court,” he pouts.  GIVE ME YOUR EYE, SHARON!!! WAAAH!  He leaves, and David comes out of the kitchen.  He seems kind of amused.  These Newman punks.  Sharon’s like, did you HEAR how angry he is?  He’s seen worse.  Nick expects to win.  He CAN’T, says Sharon.  Then he has one question to ask her.  How dirty is she willing to fight?  Go to the mattresses, Sharon!

 

Sharon wants to be with Faith, but she refuses to believe that means she needs to tear her father apart.  She still loves Nick.  Gross.  David notes that the feeling doesn’t seem mutual.   Well, Sharon can’t change how Nick feels.  “But what kind of mother would I be, if I attacked Faith’s father?  I won’t do that to either of them.”  Then what kind of father is Nick?!?  David asks if she thinks Nick’s family has the same compunction?  Okay, she KNOWS how dirty they are, she’s been up against them many times.  Then her only shot is to fight even harder.  Better yet, strike first.  STRIKE FIRST, SHARON! 

 

She’s like, Nick keeps acting like she should just give up her rights to Faith, for her own sake.  Like, wtf?  David’s like, of course he says that.  He wants to win whatever it takes.  Sharon gets maudlin and says they’ve had this fight in the past, and they rebuilt their family.  Hmm, does she think that’s happening this time?  Because he senses a finality to this.  Sharon haltingly admits it’s NOT happening, but she has to believe SOMETHING can be done about this before it’s too late. 

 

The only thing being done is Nick being disgusting with Victoria about how great they are and how shitty Sharon is and needs to be destroyed.  Nick wishes Faith could have come and seen that at least SOMEONE likes him. Waaaah!!!!  Vicky promises a person with one week of life experience likes him a lot!    The mother in Victoria is convinced that Faith’s mother should be exiled because of her history of destructive behavior.  Coparenting with moral pillar BILLY is WONDERFUL, however.  At least Sharon’s never left her kid by the road at night.  Vicky gushes that things are changing with STITCH, though.  She has a sliver of hope they can make this work.  Nick’s not sure he approves of Stitch.

 

Stitch takes a lunch break, leaving treacherous Tobias alone in the lab.  Victor calls to let him know he’ll have it to himself for a while.  So make use of it, got it?  I guess those security cameras are turned off.  Victor greets his lunch guest…Ashley!  Wow, WHAT a clever ruse!  Otherwise, Ashley would probably never eat lunch put.

 

Sage thinks Adam LOVES doing this, this challenge.  He says she lies to Constance every time she calls him Gabriel.  She has her reasons!  That don’t concern him, just like his reasons don’t concern her.  “What if you crash and burn?” she asks.  “If I crash and burn?  Let’s see, been there, done that, and look how that turned out,” he smiles, pointing at his face.  I’m friggin’ breathtaking.  Sage narrows her eyes.  “Enjoy yourself,” she says disgustedly.  And be careful.  She starts to leave, but notices Adam start staring when Sharon walks in.  Aww, Adam still wuvs Shawon.  His wistful face is something special.

 

Ashley says it’s been a long time since she and Victor have had lunch.  Blah Abby blah.  He asks if she’s content coming back to GC.  “If I wasn’t, would you try to make everything better?”  She finds him predictable.  Jack told her he might come fishing around for company secrets.  Victor says if Jack thought he’d try to get her to divulge the secret, he doesn’t know him very well.  Instead he wants to give her a big fat compensation package to leave Jabot and come to Newman-Chancellor.  They country club laugh.

 

Vicky tells Nick how great Stitch is.  “At least I know I can trust him, and I can trust MYSELF because I didn’t fall for a liar.”  Me me me. Nick says technically he DID lie to her.  To protect his mother, defends Vicky.  Okay, but she has to keep her eyes open, otherwise the bad stuff will sneak up on her no matter how emotionally invested she is.  “He’s not Sharon,” she says superciliously.  Thank God for that, says Nick.  So what happened to his leg?  He tells her about the bear trap, which makes her laugh until she realizes he’s not joking.  What was he thinking?  He wasn’t thinking, he was drinking.  What a responsible father, almost dying, drunk in the woods.  She says that was brilliant.  Again with the angel of mercy.  No luck tracking her down.

 

Sharon is happy to see Noah.  Adam keeps staring.  Sage comes back.  Who IS she??  Oh, that’s his ex-wife and Noah’s mom.  Sage is like omg, great.  He thinks he can fool her.  “Are you insane?” asks Sage.  He notices Sharon looks upset.  Sage is like you think you can fix that?  She doesn’t KNOW you, let’s go.  He reminds her she was leaving, so keep going.  She says he’s in no shape to take care of someone, two weeks ago he was hopped up on meds and wrapped up like a mummy.  “I appreciate your concern.  Now goodbye!”  Sage leans over and whispers that if he tanks this and she has to tell Constance her grandson died in that river, it’s going to really, really PISS HER OFF.  And going to prison as Adam Newman is going to be the least of his problems.  She stomps off.  Adam mouths “wow.”

 

Sharon and Noah hang out at the counter and discuss how crappy this custody situation is for Faith.  She wants to somehow handle this inside the family.  Help her protect Faith.  Adam interrupts and asks if they can reach the sugar for him.  They all look at each other.

 

Sharon hands him some sugar.  He smiles and says she looks really familiar.  Is she sure they weren’t married before?  Sharon doesn’t recognize him.  Noah says he’s not trying to be rude, but they’re having a private conversation, creeper.  He’s sorry, it’s just Sharon’s face.  He feels like he knows her.  “Well, it was probably from a tabloid!” says Sharon.  “Which means it was scandalous, and negative.”  Oh.  Well, he’s super sorry.  And why doesn’t Sage ever bring him the tabloids?  No, no, it’s fine, Sharon says she immediately thinks the worst.  Adam winningly says he was being overly optimistic.  He’s new in town and thought he saw a familiar face. 

 

Noah’s like anything else, or do you need to step off, like right now?  Well, he does need a hotel.  They tell him about the wonderful GCAC.  It has a gym, you know.  “Well, thank you, kind people!  For the sugar and the suggestions. Take care.”  He smiles, which is lovely, and walks away.  Noah’s like that was GROSS!  He was hitting on you right in front of me.  Sharon’s like noooo he wasn’t, he just seemed kind of gorgeously lost or something.  Noah snorts.  Anyway, back to this all out war with his dickhead father.  She thinks Noah can make it go away.  Noah says no more.  The only ones who can fix this are THEM.

 

Ashley can’t believe Victor thinks she can be bought.  He says they used to be a pretty good team in the past.  She chuckles.  It’s been a really long time since they’ve been a good team.  So why did she really come back?  Did Jack finally decide to value her the way she should be valued?  Ashley finds the power games they play to be so incredibly tedious.  Do he and Jack really still find them interesting, she wants to know.  Go Christmas tree shopping with them and find out.  Blah blah, she came back with something so incredibly interesting to VICTOR that he’s offering her a job.  She’s turning it down without even opening it.  He says it’s about business and respect.  “I don’t believe you.  And I also don’t care.  Please don’t contact me again if it’s just to play these silly little games.  I’m busy.”  They smarm all over each other, and she leaves.

 

Nick is leaving Victoria’s and runs into Stitch on the doorstep.  He gives him the brotherly tough guy stare.  “Vick tells me you two are on better terms?  Don’t hurt her again,” he demands.  Stitch is like no problem.  “Yeah, well people find a way to hurt each other anyway, so DON’T.”  He brushes past Stitch like the non-Newman war hero/doctor garbage he is.  Stitch is like whatever.   Victoria’s all happy to see him.  She was thinking when she can get away from her week old infant for a few hours they can go on a date!  He stares at her awkwardly.  Yeaaah, um, sounds great?  She says he doesn’t sound convinced.  Stitch is like, um, uh, I mean it.  Victoria’s confused.  Has something changed?  Only if you count getting drunk and banging Ashley. 

 

Sharon tells Noah she’s TRIED talking to Nick.  Noah has, too.  He doesn’t agree that Nick’s doing what’s best, but how many times has she said he shouldn’t fight her battles or be put in the middle?  He’s sick of worrying about them.  Sharon knows she’s been a burden to him.  He doesn’t want her to feel bad.  But she doesn’t need him like she thinks she does.  Not anymore.  She’s strong now.  She and Dad got themselves to this place, and only they can get themselves out.  NO, they can’t, Noah, because his father is an unreasonable dickhead.  And she’s afraid it’s going to get so ugly that it’s going to hurt ALL of them.  Earth will be scorched!  She doesn’t want to have Faith all to herself. She just wants coparenting.  She’s not asking for herself, she’s asking for the sake of the whole family.  “Help me stop this all out war!”

 

Nick calls Avery and tells her to fit him in!  Sharon already has David Sherman in her damn living room ready to beat their case into the ground!  IT’S NOT FAIR!!  Sage comes walking in.  Do they serve food there.  Nick is stunned!!  It’s the Angel of Mercy!

 

Stitch says of course he wants a date!  He wants a million of’em, a lifetime if he could!!  She’s like maybe that’s what you wanted when you thought Katie might be yours.  But now Special Snowflake is just a lady in sweatpants with a baby and an ex-Billy.  She knows it’s a lot of baggage.  Hey, she is every single thing he could ever want, including that baby!!!  Then why isn’t he more excited.  He is..it’s just that..she’s right.  There is something.  It’s Ashley.  No, Stitch, no!

 

Ashley comes back from lunch and opens the nonlocking door with a security card.  She sees Tobias photographing files!!  GASP!!  She slips back out.

 

Adam gets on the elevator at the club.  He looks at the engraving on his watch.  Victor gets on, too!  Adam is frozen in shock..and maybe a little anger.  Where’s MY watch, Dad?  WHERE???

[MollyB]

 

Adam gets on the elevator at the club.

EEEEEK!  The show is in my brain.  They gave me an elevator! Hmmmmmm.  What else should I ask for?

[peach]

Mon, Dec 15    The Wrong Side Of History

 

We pick up with the Angel of Mercy walking into The Underground.  Nick is stunned.  She got him out of the woods and saved his life!  “It was you, wasn’t it?”  Sage is like, uh-oh.

 

Victor hops on the elevator with a surprised Adam.  He’s on the phone chewing someone out, maybe Tobias.  “Why the hell did I hire you? You get that job done, YOU GOT IT?  I don’t giveadamn what it takes.”  Adam’s like seems like old times.  He’s ready to give this a go.  “Sounds like you have a bit of a problem on your hands.”  Victor turns and glowers at him.  Get off my lawn!!!

 

Dylan is putting up some USO style banners for the SAVE CRIMSON LIGHTS campaign.  Where does Avery sign up?  Right here, baby.  They kiss.

 

Cane and Joe Superman sit in the club and pow wow about the fancy cocktail hour Joe wants for the DESTROY CRIMSON LIGHTS campaign.  Cane says it’s going to take a little bit to convince the players of this town to sign on to his development deal because they’re firmly entrenched in this city’s coffee shop history, and they don’t like change.  Except for spouses.  They change those quite a bit.  “Well, we’ll just have to convince them it’s for the greater good.”  Cane’s like, there you go again with “we.” 

 

Joe says Cane used to be big player in this town.  How long is this party planning going to keep him satisfied?  Joe’s giving him the opportunity to make a difference in the future.  So what’s it gonna be?  Is he on board?  Lily prances up.  “Don’t answer him Cane.”  Lily will let you know when you can talk.  “I’m onto you,” says to Joe.  He looks at her like, well, not yet.

 

Chelsea’s walking around in Santa's Crappy Village with Connor.  She tells him once Billy gets there, they’re going to meet Santa!  “We’re going to have a good Christmas, buddy.”  She never would have believed that a few months ago, but now they’re going to be a Real Family, thanks to Billy.

 

Victoria’s still asking Stitch why the hesitation?  Why isn’t he super excited about finally getting permission to date Special Snowflake??  Okay, Victoria was right…there is something.  It’s about Ashley.  She’s like…oh.  She didn’t expect to hear him say that.  He sits down with praying hands to explain.  She knows how crazy busy he is at the lab.  Sometimes he doesn’t even have time to eat!  Usually there’s only time for drunken shower sex, you know how it is.  

 

Victoria’s like, ohhh, so he’s afraid he doesn’t have TIME for a relationship. Well, that’s easy, he should just tell his boss not to work him so hard so he can date Special Snowflake.  No, Stitch is really grateful he can earn a living.  Vicky’s solution to that is for him to go back the hospital since the charges have been dropped.  Medical residents have TONS of free time.  He’ll be doing what he loves, and it might give him a whole new outlook on things, like a view without Ashley.

 

The doorbell rings.  It’s Grandma and Daddy!  Jill couldn’t wait one more minute to meet her new grandbaby!  Vicky’s like, um, awkward.  You really should have called first.  They see Stitch.  “Oh,” says Billy.  Stitch is like, super.

 

Avery loves her ring.  Blah sappy blah.  She wishes everyone could be as happy as they are right now!! Paul stops in.  “Let me guess, you won the Lotto.”  Nope!  Avery waves her ring around.  She won a block of wood!  Paul gushes like an old lady.

 

Jill was just SOOO thrilled to hear the baby was healthy…and BILLY’S, of course.  Vicky acts scandalized.  Stitch does the wtf smirk.  Maybe it’s best if he goes.  Vicky’s like, no no no, don’t feel unwelcome.  “Unless you really want to go,” hints Jill.  Vicky’s like maybe YOU should go.  The holy infant’s sleeping anyway.  Victorrrria, Grandma wants to see the baaaaby.  They’ve lost a lot this past year, please let her have a peek of the replacement baby.  Okay, okay.  She takes Jill to the nursery. 

 

Billy actually apologizes to Stitch, but he’s cool, bro, Jill’s just a proud grandma and enabling mother.  So, uh, hey, Chelsea told him Jeff dropped the lawsuit.  Stitch says that was a standup thing she did, going to bat for him like that after previously ruining his life.  Maybe in a couple years they can start dating.  Billy says it must be a hell of a relief to have a clean slate again, and he's really glad for him.  Stitch is like… thanks?  Look, man, they’ll probably never be friends, but Billy’s in a good place right now, and as long as he keeps getting hot sex this Christmas, maybe they can all have a do-over.  Stitch doesn’t look convinced, considering Billy RUINED HIS CAREER.

 

Victor looks at Adam.  His spidey senses are tingling.  “Do I know you?”  OF COURSE NOT, though I share your fondness for black leather jackets.  “I don’t think so,” smiles Adam, “but everybody knows the famous Victor Newman!”  Victor’s not convinced.  “Are you sure you don’t remember you and I meeting somewhere?”  Adam seems to be getting a charge out of this.  “Oh no, I would have remembered that for sure…Sir.”  Victor keeps looking back at him, frowning.  Something is afoot, he just knows it.  He gets off the elevator.  Adam watches him walk away.

 

Nick would know Sage’s face anywhere!  He remembers looking into those eyes and just being so incredibly grateful.  Sage smiles and admits it was her.  Ohh, Nick’s heart goes pitter pat!  THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!  Please let me idolize you until I throw you away like trash one day!!  Sage is like, oh, I just called 911.  The paramedics told him someone stopped the bleeding with a scarf!   "I just did what anybody would do.”  Except Adam.  She’s glad the paramedics found him in time.

 

“I’m Nick Newman,” he smiles, shaking her hand.  They flirt and giggle.  She asks what he was doing out there.  “I was just…looking for something.” Just a sign from GOD that it was time for me to LOVE AGAIN!  Did he find it?  “Well, let’s put it this way, it was definitely not what I was expecting.”  He grins.  So why was she out there just when he needed her?!  “I was, uhhh, just jogging..my jog.”  With her dog?  She’s like, umm, what’s a dog?  He tells her about the dog that stayed with him.  She says it must have been his guardian angel.  Nick stares at her like she’s made of chocolate sauce.  “There’s one down here, obviously.”  

 

He went looking for her to say thanks.  She gulps.  “You did?”  Yeah, he came across this spooky old mansion.  It was straight out of Psycho!  And Mrs. Bates answered the door!  Sage awkwardly laughs along with him.  That’s my surrogate grandma, asshole! Sage keeps smiling but her eyes are terrified.  Nick complains that the old lady said there was no one there by her description.  “But she wasn’t telling the truth, was she?”   Sage stares.  Well, she didn’t help Adam fake his death if that’s what he’s thinking!

 

Jill brings down her Katherine Rose blah baby blah.  Stitch sits in a chair and tries not to curl his lip too hard.  Jill wants a family picture!  Including Victoria.  That peasant Stitch can take it, she says with a wave of her hand.  Stitch obliges.  She pushes it further, and makes Stitch take some photos of Billy and Victoria with the baby.

 

Lily tells Joe he can schmooze her husband all day long, but he is NOT going to help him carve up this town.  He’s trying to REVITALIZE it, Lily.  No, he’s trying to make money!  Joe thought Lily appreciated money.  Well, she totally does.  But she appreciates tradition and coffee shops are irreplaceable.  So how about it, Cane?  “Is she speaking for you?”  Cane looks at her.  “Lily and I are a team, and she won’t sleep with me if I don’t agree with her.  And you should never forget that.”    Duly noted, says Joe.  And given his past with relationships, he finds them inspiring.  #notinspiring.

 

Paul couldn’t be happier for Dylan and Avery.  And if they can only get this redevelopment project stopped, they’ll have it all!  Avery says it’s going to happen!  Super Dylan knows, because he’s on a winning streak, you guys.   Christine shows up to hear the good news.  Paul blunders ahead and announces they’re going to have a baby!!!  Chris smiles weakly, but clearly hadn’t planned on babbling that info to the first person they ran into.

 

Neanderthal Nick says that old wheelchair lady acted all nervous about a strange man showing up on her doorstep with a cockamamie story sniffing around for Sage, and started covering up.  He just can’t figure it out.  Sage plays up the OLD angle.  That old lady just gets confused sometimes, it happens.  Sometimes she thinks Adam is her grandson.  “So you DO know her.”  Sage is like, um, yes, I do.  I live very close by, as in inside, and sometimes she gets confused, so I lend a helping hand when I can.  “You’re good at that,” moons Nick.  Sage is like, wow, look at the time!  She forgot she has to meet a friend, so…bye.   Wait, Nick has one more question!  That night she found him, she was with someone else, right?  A guy?  Who was it?  Sage stares like a deer in the headlights.  Ummm, not your brother?

 

Adam walks around Santa’s Crappy Village.  He doesn’t look very impressed, either.  Also, Sage was supposed to meet him there, so he leaves her a message that he’ll wait a whole two minutes for her, and then she’ll have to find her own way back…to --  OMG!  It’s Chelsea and Connor on a park bench!  Adam is wistful!  Awww, he loves his little Peanut.

 

Victor shows up at the bar.  Joe thinks Providence is on their side.  He’ll listen to Cane.  Lily’s like, do you really want to get in the middle of all this?  Cane’s on her side, RIGHT, CANE?  Joe claims their side is just to remain neutral.  This is SWITZERLAND for crying out loud.  He just wants Cane to neutrally extend an invitation to the biggest wig in town who’s a total mercenary.  Lily is many things, but neutral is never one of them.  Cane acts like it’s some big imposition that he’s grudgingly willing to do, but of course, he loves being a power broker for a cocktail party.   He approaches Victor.  I wonder if that Bonaventure federal indictment’s going to come up.  Probably not.

 

Lily tells Joe that Cane is REALLY going out of his way to help him out, because there is a LOT of bad blood over there.  Victor practically forced Cane to quit Chancellor.  Joe asks if she thinks he misses it, because he really looks in his element, over there kissing Victor’s ass.  Lily says Joe must be in HIS element, trying to recruit her and Cane.  Joe says Cane’s a proven asset.  And behind every great man…is an extraordinary woman.  Lily knows.

 

Nosy Nick doesn’t mean to put Sage on the spot, but if there was a guy there, he wants to thank him, too.  But maybe he imagined that as well.  Or, maybe it’s nunya business, Nick!   It’s not like these people gave you a bone marrow transplant, just let it go.  Avery walks in and interrupts, and Sage takes that opportunity to literally run away.  Nick gushes to Avery that that woman has a set of wings!  She’s the one who saved him?!  Yes, and she walked right into his bar.  What are the odds??  Avery asks her name.  Nick’s like…uhhhh.  She never said.  WTG, caveman.  Oh, well, at least he got to thank her.

 

They sit down to talk about how incredibly horrible it was to find out Sharon hired a lawyer that might try to win her case.  Nick wanted to hand Sherman his teeth on a platter, but he DIDN’T, okay.  Because cooler heads prevail.  Oh, well, give you a medal, then.  Avery says violence isn’t going to solve anything.  She’s got the motion he wants to file, if he’s ready to sign off on it. 

 

Whoa, what’s that rock on her finger?  Avery seems a little sheepish.  Oh, it’s just something she picked up from a gumball machine.  You can’t fool Nick!  He knows that would be one expensive gumball.  Dylan must have popped the question.  “I hope we have your blessing,” supplicates Avery.  TGNN thinks about it…of course they do.  They are now blessed.  But he does think his poor, loser brother is punching way above his weight.  Nick wasn’t, of course.  Avery thinks she’s the lucky one.  Nick says they’re both lucky.  Most people go their whole lives without finding what she and Dylan have while married to someone else.

 

Adam stands back and takes in Chelsea cuddling Peanut and prattling away about The Meaning Of Christmas.  “But mostly, Christmas is about family,” she finishes.  She realizes he’s watching her.  She furrows her brow a bit.  “I know you.”

 

Jill gushes over the pictures.  Look at Billy and Victoria smiling!  Billy thinks it’s time to go.  “Honey, why don’t you stay and help Victoria with the baby.”  Victoria says Ben can stay and help her out.  “But there’s really nothing like a FATHER’S touch,” says Jill.  Etcetera.  They’re finally going to GTFO, and Billy says he’ll see Victoria later.  “I guess that goes for you, too,” he says not unkindly to Stitch.  “Not necessarily,” mutters Jill. 

 

They leave, and Stitch has a bout of insecurity over seeing Billy through the window the other day.  She says that has no bearing on them. Bearing, boring, whatever.  She says they can make it, and they kiss for a while.  “Now, what did you want to tell me?”  Stitch literally says..uhh…before the commercials.

 

Okay, there IS a secret he’s keeping from her.  “About Ashley.”  She remembers.  Well, Ashley and the project they’re working on.  He’s all worried about Victor wanting to get information from him, and he just can’t do it.  He can’t tell her company secrets like who has sex with whom in the lab.  Vicky laughs.  She can totally keep professional and personal stuff separate.  She hangs all over him.  “I don’t think we have anything standing in our way.”  So, dating.  Ben Russell, what are you doing on New Year’s Eve?  He grins.

 

Avery says they haven’t set a wedding date yet.  But enough about her, let’s go over this kid stealing paperwork.  These are billable hours.  Wait, Nick wants her to know she doesn’t have to feel guilty for her happiness, just because he and Sharon didn’t work out.  Does his head get bigger during each commercial break??  He assures her yet again that she and Dylan deserve this.  For Pete’s sake, you ALREADY BLESSED THEM. 

 

“You’ve been through hell to get here,” says Nick.  Avery says it’s definitely been a long road, especially when you include being engaged to Nick.  Blah blah they Belong Together.  “Don’t let anything or anyone come between you.”  Avery’s overcome with Little Lord Nicholas’ benevolence and hugs him tight.  Joe Superman strolls in.  “Well, if this is a stroll down memory lane, mind if I join?”  They glare.  Nick is totally not having a threesome with Superman.

 

Paul and Christine toast Dylan.  “To marriage!” says Paul.  “And one more toast for a baby on the way!”  Chris is like, hey!  You keep saying that, but we don’t know for sure.  They need a doctor to confirm it.  “Here’s to confirmation!” toasts Paul.  What exactly is in his coffee mug?  Dylan says if that happens, AND he can fight off Superman, they are going to have a lot to celebrate this Christmas.  “Let’s hope Santa gives us everything we want!” says Paul.  Right, says worried Christine.

 

Jill nags Billy on the terrace about how HE needs to be with Vicky instead of Dr. Buttinski.  He’s like, Moo-oom, not agaaaain.  Victoria DIVORCED him!  She says if he doesn’t do anything about this, he and Victoria are going to end up with the wrong people!  Stitch is no more good for Victoria, than Chelsea is for Billy.  Billy’s like, who?  OMG, CHELSEA!  He was supposed to go with her and Connor to meet Santa!  Jill says this is more important.  He says it’s more IMPORTANT that he doesn’t screw up THIS relationship. “Billy, pleaaaaaase,” she whines.  I guess that’s where he gets it from.  He tells Jill he will always love Victoria, and they will always have the kids to bond them. But his life is with Chelsea now!  He leaves.

 

Chelsea tells Adam she’s sure of it!  She recognizes him from somewhere, she just can’t place it.  Maybe if he took his clothes off?  He stares.  She smiles really big.  “Hello, can you help me out here?”  He finally says she’s right!  He walks over and looks so, so good.  “We have seen each other before,” he says, gazing at her.

 

“You and I go way back,” he says.  All the way back to the other day at…the Genoa City Athlete’s Club?  Athletic Club, she corrects.  He smiles. He’s not from around here, you see.  They caught each other’s eye that day.  Small world, says Chelsea.  “Very, very small,” says Adam.  Except for the unknown castle.  He says she has a very handsome young man there.  Etc.  Then Billy walks up and ruins it all.  He picks up Connor, who’s HAPPY to see him!  Adams jaw is twitching violently.  Billy talks to Connor, and Chelsea starts to point out this gentleman, who…is gone.

 

So, all Cane is asking is that Victor comes to the cocktail party and hears the sales pitch.  Victor chuckles.  He thought Cane said he wasn’t interested in this.  Blah blah. Will he come to the party or not?  “Tell your people I have some interest in the redevelopment, and I’ll think about it, K?  Cane smiles and thanks him.  He walks away.  Jill joins Victor.  “I couldn’t help but overhear, and if you’re not careful, you’re going to be on the wrong side of history.”  Omg, Jill has clearly ended up on the wrong side of hyperbole.  #CrimsonLightsMatters  Is that so?  Because Victor has NEVER been on the wrong side of history, and he doesn’t plan to be.  #neverwrong

 

Lily brags to Cane about how Joe tried to seduce her again.  Exaggeration is running strong today.  “And from the looks of it, he’s doing the same to you.”  Cane wishes. 

 

Joe casually leans on the booth.  He leans like a pro.  “You’re interrupting an attorney-client conversation, Slick,” says Nick.  “That’s an interesting way of conducting business.  I’m not criticizing, I’m just saying more should follow suit.”  Avery is disgusted.  OH, as opposed to the way JOE does business, by strong arming people into lying!  Joe’s like, seriously?  “I wouldn’t consider hosting a cocktail party strong arming.”  She just can’t help thinking about strong arms, I guess.  He’s there to extend an invite to Nick.  Maybe he can stop by and listen to their side of the argument.  “I’m BUSY,” he cracks, like a frat bro.  And listening is hard. 

 

Joe says his father may be there.  Avery and Nick get super smug.  That’s not an incentive.  Yeah.  “My father and I may share the same last name, but we rarely share the same views.”  Which is why Nick runs a bar.   He does like to share the same jet.  “See, in my world, people come before profits.”  Which is pretty easy in Nick’s world because he also has a trust fund. 

 

“In my world, they’re not mutually exclusive,” says Joe, because he’s capable of advanced cognition.  Nick says Joe can say that all he wants, but Nick knows better.  He knows EVERYTHING.  So Joe can take his invitation, and--  “Go to hell?” supplies Joe.  Well, Nick won’t send him to hell just YET, but he should beat it.  “I’d rather he didn’t,” says Dylan walking in.  Joe’s going to have to lean a little further.  “Just the guy I was hopin’ to see,” says Dylan.  Joe’s like, great, it’s going to get even dumber in here.  Dylan goes for the icy stare.

 

Christine frowns at a Christmas tree.  Paul asks how badly he screwed up, like on a scale of 1 to 10.  “Do you really want to know??” asks Chris.  THAT’S WHY HE ASKED.  It seems like it’s kind of close to 10.  She just wishes he hadn’t SAID anything to anyone!  That wasn’t ANYONE!  That was His Son!  But they agreed not to tell people until they were sure, and probably for three months after that.  Paul just got carried away!  Chris is her usual contemptuous self.  He just wanted to steal Dylan’s thunder!  What’s so wrong about that?  Chris looks sad.  What if…??  Aw, honey.  He  hugs her.  He’s sorry he jumped the gun.  Even if it is a false positive, the good news is they can keep on trying.  Because this story isn’t boring or unnecessary enough as is.

 

Dylan thinks Nick will want to hear this, too.  Since no one will let Dylan make his claims, Nick says he’s already seen the evidence, he wholeheartedly approves.  He BLESSES you, Dylan.  He makes a passive aggressive swipe about how it must have set him back a pretty penny.  He’s proud of you, man!  I LOVE YOU, MAN!  Dylan’s glad.  Joe’s like wtf are you weirdos on about now?  Did Dylan hire protestors or something?  “You really can’t see what’s happening here,” smugs Nick.  “You must just be too focused on tearing up our neighborhoods.” 

 

Joe gives up.  Go ahead, dumbos, what’s the deal?  Avery smugly holds up her engagement ring to show off to her cuckholded former  husband.  Congratulations, he says.  Here’s your prize.  “I mean it.  I’ve always wanted you to be happy, Avery.  And if Dylan does it for you, then so be it.”  He wishes them both all the LUCK in the world.  Lol

 

Victor is surprised at Jill.  He thought she was a savvy business woman, and now she’s interested in some tired old buildings.  Thank God he didn’t let her run Chancellor.  She says it’s not the buildings, Victor, it’s the PEOPLE in the buildings.  People work in the buildings.  You tear those down, and you eliminate everything that makes Genoa City what it is.  I think they’ll let the people out before they tear down the buildings, Jill.  “Since when have you become such [an idiot] a sentimentalist?”  Since Katherine died. 

 

Jill just wants to know that there’s something LASTING in this world, like old warehouses. We can’t move forward and forget what was before.  It’s the people that matter.  It’s what they left us that matters, like necklaces in chandeliers, and or music boxes we just chuck in the park.  How would Victor feel if they tore Katherine’s plaque off Chancellor Park and changed the name?  Or if 100 years from now no one remembered Newman Enterprises. 

 

Victor’s like that’s RIDICULOUS.  I own everything!  And no one will ever forget Newman Enterprises!  “Well, they will if these short sighted developers keep on getting their way.”  Victor says she should talk to Cane, not him.  Families don’t agree, says Jill.  But SHE feels a great loyalty to Genoa City, past, present, and future.  And Victor doesn’t??  Does that mean he’s going to stay out of this mess?  “What it means,” says Victor, “is that this conversation is finished.”

 

Victoria thanks Stitch for being a gracious photographer.  She says someone was missing. She grabs her phone and takes a selfie of them.  She loves the Elvis turn of his lip.  Okay, I guess.  They kiss.

 

Chelsea and Billy have their usual blathering, cutesy chit chat with Connor.  Billy admits he took Jill over to Victoria’s.  And Stitch was there, and stayed there.  Billy says as long as everybody’s clear on who Katie’s father, we’re all good.  “We ARE all good, aren’t we?” smiles Chelsea.  Yeah, they are.  “Come on, family. Let’s go home,” says Billy.  They stroll out of the park.  Adam was lurking behind a Christmas tree!  He is displeased.

[Joimiaroxeu]

“And from the looks of it, he’s doing the same to you.”  Cane wishes.

LOL, wut?

[peach]

Hey, she said that.  Meaning, I guess, that he's trying to seduce Cane into his business dealings.  But I think Cane finds Joe pretty attractive, myself.  lol

[NinjaPenguins]

That was yet another brilliant recap, peach! If it wasn't such a Victor to format stuff on an ipad, I'd be highlighting quotes left, right, and sideways.

Jill really was a classless idiot. I dislike Victoria intensely, but Jill using a first visit with her grandchild as a venue to spit on her relationship with Stitch was uncouth and undeserved.

NuAdam needs a nuNickname for Conner, cause I ain't got no time for that peanut shit. And I don't know if Adam was getting a charge out of trolling Victor, but I sure as hell was.

Joe Superman, since when was Cane a major player in town? In Transylvania maybe, but not in Genoa City. Don't lessen your sexy awesomeness by blowing smoke up Cane's pasty outback.

Peach, your shredding of Nick's "intellect" was masterful.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Hey, she said that.  Meaning, I guess, that he's trying to seduce Cane into his business dealings.  But I think Cane finds Joe pretty attractive, myself.  lol

 

I had the same thought when I saw Joe purse his skinny lips and get an almost flirtatious look on his face....YUK!

[Joimiaroxeu]

Well now, I just got a whole new regard for Cane. Would Y&R dare give us some hot guy-on-guy action? It's been a few years since Adam seduced Rafe.

 

Don't lessen your sexy awesomeness by blowing smoke up Cane's pasty outback.

Hee, it sounds like Cane might actually like that and like it a whole lot. I'll bet Joe could turn Cane out with minimal effort. OMG, wouldn't that blow princess Lily's mind to find out her hubby's on the DL.

[Petunia13]

" If it wasn't such a Victor to format stuff"

New way of saying "pain in the ass" or "clusterfuck" just call it a Victor?

[NinjaPenguins]

Why choose? Victor can be a euphemism for anything unpleasant!

"Watch your step. The dog took a Victor in the driveway."

"I was sooo wasted last night! I Victored in the sink until my stomach was empty."

"Preparation H: When your Victors make it painful to sit down, you need Preparation H!"

"He totally picked his nose, looked at the Victor, and then he ate it! Hand to god, people."

"Cramps, bloating, and a craving for salty snacks... must be my monthly Victor."

It's versatile, yo.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Why choose? Victor can be a euphemism for anything unpleasant!

"Watch your step. The dog took a Victor in the driveway."

"I was sooo wasted last night! I Victored in the sink until my stomach was empty."

"Preparation H: When your Victors make it painful to sit down, you need Preparation H!"

"He totally picked his nose, looked at the Victor, and then he ate it! Hand to god, people."

"Cramps, bloating, and a craving for salty snacks... must be my monthly Victor."

It's versatile, yo.

 

"VICTOR OFF!"

"VICTOR THIS!"

"UP YOUR VICTOR!"

 

Ok ok I am apparently into swearing slightly.....

[janeyjay]

"VICTOR OFF!"

"VICTOR THIS!"

"UP YOUR VICTOR!

To be followed by an emphatic YOUGOTTHAT. 

[peach]

Tue, Dec 16   Screw Professional!

 

Avery visits Phyllis and Jack to nervously announce she’s engaged to Dylan.   Phyllis is wearing some wacky cape thingie, but pulls it off.

 

Joe visits with Kelly to plan the cocktail party.  She knows what the movers and shakers expect, so plan for exactly that.   Lily comes in and complains about everything.  Joe tells her it’s not Joe Vs. The Coffee House, it’s about Progress.  She’s upset about creating jobs if people lose jobs even though they’re all kind of the same jobs.  He can see she’s really upset about the proles, when he thought he was just because he rubbed her the wrong way.  He has an idea to make it easier.  Rubbing her the right way.

 

Sharon visits Crimson Lights.  Dylan says she looks like she’s on a recon mission.  She’s just looking out for enemy troops like Nick or Avery.  He has coffee with her and feels her pain because he’s been cray and done bad things, too.  He advises her to FIGHT his fiancée and brother for what she wants.  How bad does she want it.

 

Sharon asks if he’s sure he wants to be seen talking to her.  What would people think?  He wants her to stop thinking about what other people think. She’s a GOOD mom, focus on that.  She reminds him this means fighting with HIS brother and HIS woman.  He says if gave up on his friends, he wouldn’t be the man Avery loves.  I think that’s maybe a guideline and not a hard and fast rule. 
Sharon wonders if she hasn’t paid enough for her sins and deserves all this.  Dylan says what she did is not WHO she is.  He knows she and Nick both make being a good parent a priority, so they need to figure this out, and do what they have to do for the sake of their kid.  Maybe he should be telling Nick that, instead of being all, I got your back, bro, about it. 

 

Lauren researches cancer treatments.  Michael says the doctor’s against that, but I doubt Lauren’s going to be recommending the tomato cure.  She also researched how cancer affects families.  WHOA, after everything Fen’s been through, she’s going to tell him Michael’s sick??  After Fen’s drug addiction, Michael still thinks it’s a good idea to keep family secrets.  This will bring him down.  Lauren’s like, you’re going to lie?  Well, he wants this Christmas to BE WONDERFUL.  Lauren thinks it’s great doing cancer as a couple. 

 

Neil and Hilary click clack into Crimson Lights.  She’s thrilled by his confidence.  He says he’s GOOD, why wouldn’t he be? Devon walks up so they can stare like lovesick puppies at each other.  Neil’s mastering his skillz, bro.  There’s bantering.  Neil tells Devon that Hilary is a GREAT catch.  “Stick with me kid, and I’ll teach you how to pick up on the RIGHT woman.” Devon is literally following your example.

 

Avery assures Phyllis there will be no big announcement, and stammers that she’s not trying to steal Phack’s thunder.  Phyllis wants to know why everyone’s so worried she’ll be a big bitch about it.  Is it because she’s a loose cannon?  Jack says those are HER words.  “No, I am.  It’s kinda my claim to fame.”  After the coma she’s even more unstable. 

 

Avery says no one faults her for that.  “Maybe you should.  Because here you are apologizing for getting engaged.  That isn’t right.”  Phyllis is just being contrary now.  She tells Avery to listen to her, and to stop looking so afraid.  Lol  “I’m your sister.  The fear is ingrained,” says Avery.  Phyllis says contrary to what people believe, she loves hearing about good things happening to good people!  As she defines good.  Avery seems to think this must be some neurological side effect, but she’s going with it!

 

Jack is thrilled for her.  He leaves.  Phyllis loves the ring.  Avery has to get to work.   Phyllis asks if it’s to work on Nick’s custody case.  “That is just one, big, extended, dysfunctional family.”  Um, including YOU and your idiot kid.  “Hey, let me testify against Sharon!  Consider it your wedding gift from me!” Phyllis says excitedly.  Avery says if she needs her mucking up her case, she’ll let her know.  In the meantime just be happy and enjoy her engagement.

 

Sharon thinks it’s ridiculous that Nick wants to keep Faith away from her. She’s never been a danger to her.  Dylan says Nick isn’t going to listen to her, like, ever, so maybe she could get a therapist to help.  She’s like that caveman will never go to a therapist, but she did ask Noah to talk to him.  She feels bad getting Noah in the middle, but her attorney wants her to fight DIRTY!   But Sharon absolutely doesn’t want that. Faith is smart, she’ll know what’s going on.  But if Nick’s family starts throwing their weight around, she may never visit with Faith alone again.  Dylan insists she can prove she’s a great mom, and capable and employed.  Nope!  Phyllis took great pleasure in firing her.  Dylan’s like wait, what about Jack?  That’s gotta be his decision!  The barista thinks she should march back into Jabot and get her job back!  

 

Lily thinks it looks like the club is complicit if Joe books his party there. So he suggests he find another venue and check into another hotel?  Kelly jumps up, and is all, no no no!  She convinces Lily they should run their business in such a way as to keep clients.  FINE!  Joe can have his event.  Wow, he really towers over them like Superman.  He’s going to prove to Lily that he’s one of the good guys.  He leaves, and Lily’s all tongue tied.

 

Michael and Lauren come home from the oncologist.  Blah prostate blah gross blah.  Michael is worried about the bone crushing, life withering side effects.  POSSIBLE side effects, corrects Lauren.  Michael is super pessimistic and annoying, and then just switches over to denial, and is going to go be a terrible attorney and pretend he has his old life.

 

Lily sits at her desk and doth protests too much about how Joe is always “on” and always “working it.”  Kelly knows, she just hates charming guys.  But she thinks clients and events are, like, good things.  Lily doth protests even mucher about how Joe can’t just keep it business and is always charming and flirting and INSULTING her with his goddamn amazingness.  He’s just um, <sigh> whatever, ugh, I don’t know.  Lily can’t even form a sentence when she thinks about Joe.  She just feels [hot] slimy around him, like he’s playing Cane and her. 

 

Well, Kelly understands.  Some guys are just like that, with their oozing charm.  She hates them, and knows she sounds completely bitter.  Lily says she sounds hurt, and she’s really sorry Jack did that to her.  The staff told her what happened with Phyllis.  Kelly gasps. She’s SO sorry for being unprofessional.  “Screw professional!” says Lily.  We’re talking about Phyllis here.  Kelly says it was cheap shots and low blows, and she got right down in the mud with her.  She wanted Phyllis to hurt as bad as she does.  The only difference is she has Jack to comfort her, and poor Kelly is on her own.

 

Jack gets home again and kisses on Phyllis.  He thinks it’s AMAZING how she handled Avery’s engagement.  He’s super proud of her.  Well, that offends the hell out of Phyllis that anyone’s impressed that she acted like a human being.  It shouldn’t be some feat of heroism that she didn’t flip out on someone.  But she admits she’s a flipper outer, and almost annihilating Kelly didn’t make her look warm and cuddly.  Jack’s like ixnay on the ellyKay, remember?  No talking about the past.  Okay, but she’s reserving the right to go batshit on anyone that messes with Summer, or Daniel, or Lucy, or Jack.   She'll leave Kelly in the past as long as she stays out of her eyeline.  Sounds fair.  She woke up to be with Jack, and she’s going to protect that!

 

Avery calls to subpoena Sharon’s ECT records.  They have no choice, you guys.  Joe drops in.  He notices she still twitches her brow, kinda like those times she did it with him.  She’s like what do you WANT, Joe?  “To tell you you’re making a mistake marrying Dylan McAvoy.”

 

Sharon says she’s the one who made Jack think Summer was his daughter.  Trying to convince him to get her job back seems in poor taste.  Dylan asks about them being married?  Did Jack ever make any mistakes? Well, YEAH.  Jack’s a good guy, he insists.  And Sharon’s good at her job.  She needs to know she hasn’t lost everything.  Do it for Faith.

 

Devon sent Neil away in a cab to visit Lily, so he can enjoy some boring time with Hilary.   Well, she needs to get to the office.  What?  Doesn’t she want to hear about his thrilling dream last night that he fell asleep with her, and THEN woke up with her, too.  Dreams are so crazy!  Hilary thinks he would have been dreaming about GWEN!!!  Devon tries to act like Gwen who?

 

Neil and Lily have a heart to heart.  She feels like he’s trying too hard to act okay, and she’s super worried he’s going to start drinking again.  Is she crazy?  He says not about that.  He’s an alcoholic and always will be.  He can remember the taste and the burn of the last drink he had.  “I am tired,” he half whispers, “of Braille, and walking with canes, and knowing people are staring at me.”  He knows drinking won’t solve his problems, but dammit, it could take away the pain for a few minutes. 

 

She begs him not to start again.  He’s so sorry, but he had to tell her the truth.  She says he has a lot of people who love him, including a little boy who wants Neil to read to him.  Moses is the main reason he hasn’t picked up a drink again.  Well, Lily has a surprise.  Some children’s books in Braille, so he can read to him.  She gets them out, and Neil looks kind of like he might cry.

 

Jack runs into Kelly at the club.  She tries to brush past him, but Jack says this is going to happen again, so they need to find a way to deal with it.  “It’s not a problem for me, Jack, as long as your fiancée isn’t involved.”  Jack chides Kelly that she HAS to understand that poor Phyllis lost a year of her life.  Kelly’s like, uh, I understand loss, Jack. She knows what it does to a person, like when it makes your soul dry up so you don’t have to feel, but suddenly there’s a REASON to feel, and then someone is a big asshole and you’re a raw wound all over again? 

 

Jack’s like..uh..Phyllis fully intends to back off, which is the exact opposite of what she said.  “And you believed her??” asks Kelly.  Jack says her behavior was inexcusable.  “But you’re excusing it anyway.”  No, he’s trying to explain it to her.  Totally different.  Kelly’s like, look, all that year of sleep did for Phyllis was give her an excuse to be an even bigger BITCH than she was before.

 

Sharon took corporate advice from Dylan and clicks into Jack’s office, only to find Phyllis sitting there again.  She’s looking for JACK, so when will he be back? “Why?  Did you bring a DNA test saying Mariah is his?” asks Phyllis.  Okaaay, Sharon will come back later.  Phyllis says that will be tough when she tells security to bar the door.  She is NO longer a Jabot employee.  Sharon insists that Jack hired her, so he’s the one that can fire her.  It’s HIS company.  “And I am his fiancée,” says Phyllis.  Which has nothing to do with Sharon’s job.  “Sharon…you need to get a grip.  He is never, EVER, going to side with you over me.”  Unless you ask really nicely.

 

Devon thinks Hilary’s getting all riled up over a half-lipped kiss with a girl that SHE picked.  Hilary knows she has no business being jealous…but it plays in her head.  And he can go kiss any woman he wants in public…except her.  Waaah!  Blah blah blah.  Seeing her with Neil hurts him so bad, you guys.  He doesn’t know what they can do!  Poor Devon and Hilary.

 

Neil impresses Lily with his amazing Braille skills until he admits he already knows that book by heart.  She deflates.  He really had her fooled.  He’s really depressed, but he promises he won’t drink. He just has to try harder.  They try again with The Squishy Meatball, which gets him to laugh.  He can’t cheat with this one.

 

Lauren thought Michael wanted to get a second opinion instead of go to work.  Bicker, bicker.  The sooner they decide on a treatment… “WHAT, LAUREN?!  The sooner I’ll be all better?” he sneers.  Well, um, yes.  What if what all this treatment does is make it so he can’t be a “real husband” to her ever again?  Well, it’s better than being a real dead husband.

 

Avery will NOT have Joe disrupting her work.  He just wants to invite Michael to his shindig.  Well, Michael isn’t there so make an appointment!  He leans over her desk.  “So I tell you you shouldn’t marry Dylan, and you act like you never heard it.”  She heard it!  And she doesn’t care!  Joe says this is about TIMING.  That ring doesn’t represent her eternal bond with Dylan, it has to do with HIM.

 

Neil tries reading a book with made up words like squishled, which isn’t confusing at all.  Lily falls asleep on his shoulder.  He touches her hair tenderly.

 

Devon whiiiiines about how not fair it is that Neil gets to have everything like Hilary.  Devon can’t have what he waaaants.  Waaah.  They need more than this, let’s go to the hotel where our family works.

 

Avery says Joe has an epic level of self-importance.  Her engagement is about many things but not Dylan locking this down because Superman is always leaning over her desk talking in throaty whispers.  But Joe's back in her life again.  Avery’s like you are not “back in my life.”  We were married and it didn’t work out.  But she and Dylan have built something real and honest and it has NOTHING to do with him!  Joe tries to explain how guys work, but just says feel free to stop by the party instead.  He leaves, right when Dylan comes in.  “That guy cannot give it a rest!”  Avery says he thinks he’s the reason Dylan proposed.  Dylan tenses up.  “He said that??”  Avery can’t figure out what he’s up to.

 

Jack tells Kelly he knows she’s angry…but he’s never known her to be cruel.  She’s like, ME?!  He lectures her that this is not the way to handle it.  Kelly can’t even!   All she ever heard was how OTT Phyllis was, that she was hell on wheels, and CLEARLY it is true.  “But I’M the one whose behavior isn’t living up to YOUR standards?” she spits.  Hey, Phyllis is passionate, and intense.  “Ohh, the endless tribute starts again!”

 

Jack says Phyllis has pulled her share of stunts, but she also fell down a flight of stairs while engaged in her eternal struggle against Sharon and was rendered comatose for a YEAR!   Jack says if she’s mad, be bad at HIM.  HE’s the bad guy.  “Phyllis is a BULLY.  And I am NOT a victim.  And if she comes near me again, I will NOT back down,” declares Kelly.  She walks away.  Jack’s like, whoa.  That was passionate and intense.

 

“This isn’t about taking sides,” says Sharon, “Jack and I have our own history.”  She rendered a service for Jabot, and she did her job well.  Phyllis doesn’t get it.  Does Sharon really think Jack will ever forgive her for what she did to him, to Summer, to Nick?  Jack probably IS super torn up about what she did to NICK, who tried to screw him over 19 years ago.  “NO ONE will forgive you, EVER!”  Sharon says not everyone is Phyllis.  Most people have a heart and a soul and human decency.  “But you, you just go on judging me, IGNORING what you’ve done in your life, and who you’ve hurt.  Maybe for once in your life you could take a good long look at yourself before you come after me.”  Phyllis smirks. 

 

Lauren loves Michael and their gentle, fierce sex, but that’s not all they are.  She needs his wit, humor, and support.  Etc.  They need those treatments!  Michael says they don’t even know if the treatments will work.  He gets fully melodramatic about how they will make him needy and whiny and rip all the romance out of their life.  “And I will become..this thing..that you look after.  Not the man you once loved.”  I AM A MAN!  I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!!  Omg, you’re not going to be a vegetable.  Lauren’s like get a grip, you’re acting like we’ve lost it all.  “I WILL STAND BY YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!!”  Michael says last time things got tough…she didn’t stand by him.  Last time, she slept with another man.  Michael is really the worse cancer patient ever.

[movinon]

 

Lily doth protests even mucher about how Joe can’t just keep it business and is always charming and flirting and INSULTING her with his goddamn amazingness.

This cracks me up - even before coffee.  I seriously hate the idea of Joe wasting his awesomeness on this piece of dodo, but it looks like they are heading this direction.  I may kill myself if I have to watch her smear her toxic waste on that gorgeous man.  Another great recap, of course - you are awesome, too, Peach,

[Joimiaroxeu]

The barista thinks she should march back into Jabot and get her job back!

Heh, the barista (baristo?) should probably stick to what he does best...make lattes lightly garnished with sawdust.

[peach]

Wed, Dec 17

 

Lauren can’t believe Michael’s bringing up her affair with Carmine NOW.  I’m with you, Lauren.  He says she has to admit she turned to an Italian stallion the last time he let her down.  Omg, you have CANCER.  Lauren says she almost lost everything she holds dear, including, like, her life.  Why on earth would she do that again?  Noo, she doesn’t get it.  THIS time, Michael wouldn’t blame her.  Because he is milking this martyr shit as far as it will go.

 

Anita’s maybe already been drinking, because “Santa’s number one, super sexy elf” has brought scads of gifts for Connor.  Chelsea’s hair is overhighlighted.  Anita notices the christening gown.  She didn’t know Chelsea was designing baby clothes!  Ohhh, that’s just for, um, Victoria’s baby.  “Victoria and Billy’s?” she says with disgust.  Oh, how generous of her.  Anita’s just sooo glad Chelsea took her advice to up her game before she loses another man, as in not taking it at all.

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Adam looks at his old surveillance photos of Chelsea and Connor. Sage is alarmed to hear he SAW them.  Chelsea could have recognized him!!  She didn’t, says Adam.  All he could do for months was watch them on a computer screen, and sit by and watch Billy Abbott take over his family.  He finally sees them in person, and what happens?  Billy swoops in like he owns them so he could see it up close and personal.  And it was super gross.  Sage thinks they should stay away from GC for a while.  It’s obviously too much for Adam to handle.  “Besides..somebody might recognize us.”  Adam’s like whattayamean, US?  Oh, um, she sort of ran into Nick.  Adam is quietly furious.  “Are you TRYING to ruin everything??”

 

Devon and Hilary blather in the park and act really obvious that they’re having an affair.  Devon wants to hold her again, and it’s cool, because he has a private suite at the club now.  It has a private entrance and everything, and is totally still in the same building where their family works.

 

Lily wakes up on Neil’s shoulder.  He wishes he could read Moses to sleep.  Lily wants to help him no matter what he needs.  Like resisting a drink?  She knows it’s been hard.  Neil says the hard part is thinking he’s going to be blind forever, and then also thinking maybe he’ll get his sight back.  Lily will be there for him, whether he wants her to go to a meeting, or just to talk.  She will do ANYTHING to stop him from going back to that dark place.

 

Christine shows up with a file for Paul.  It’s CONFIRMATION!  Of course, Nikki stops by right then, because she couldn’t possibly miss an important moment to interrupt.  Chris looks like the cat that swallowed the canary, or maybe a baby in this case.  Until Paul says they’re having a baby…and he has NIKKI to thank for it.  Chris is like ACK!  ARE you kidding her right now??

 

Lauren is seriously pissed that Michael thinks she would be interested in someone else, like she’s some kind of sex fiend or something.  He says she deserves more than a roommate, and he might be reduced to that.  He really lacks imagination.  Or even worse, he might be totally dependent on her.  Michael, I know people say guys think with their johnsons, but seriously, your brain is not being operated on here.  I think you can buy your own incontinence products.  He’s giving her an out.  She took vows for in sickness and health, Michael, and she meant it.  He screams for a while about how cancer changes EVERYTHING AND HE DOESN’T WANT HER PITY!!!  AAAHHH!!! 

 

Chelsea says the christening gown is her way of showing Billy she supports him being in his daughter’s life.  Admirable, but not a bright move, says Anita.  She thinks it’s up to Chelsea to keep Billy as far away from them as possible.  Wow.  Cancel the inspirational calendar.  Chelsea’s watching Connor grow up without his father; there is NO way she’s keeping Billy from his daughter.  Anita says it’s a slippery slope, one that Billy and Victoria have slipped down before.  Chelsea says sharing a child didn’t bring Billy and HER together.  “NO!  It brought VICTORIA and Billy together!”  See the pattern!  Blah blah, Billy says it’s all in the past.  But she knows Vicky will always be in his life, just like Adam is in hers.  Metaphysically speaking.

 

Adam complains to Sage about all the surgeries and physical therapy he’s been through, and giving up his family and home, all so he could have SOME chance at a meaningful existence outside of prison.  “Not so you could come in and cozy up next to my ass of a brother!”  She wasn’t looking for a hookup, she was looking for LUNCH.  She walked in his club, and he recognized her.  Well, if she’d have left him in the woods like he asked her to, this wouldn’t be happening.  “If I’d left him in the woods, he would have DIED!  I can’t live with that!  Can you?”  Adam rolls his eyes.  Looks like it. 

 

He says being locked in this tomb, pretending to be some old woman’s ne’er do well grandson, is not his idea of living.  “That man that you love to mock, gave his life saving yours.”  Yeah, and just when he gets a chance to take advantage of it, Sage RUINS IT!  Her jaw drops.  “Or was that your plan all along?” asks Adam.  What the hell is that supposed to mean?  He regards her smugly.  That’s it, that’s why she’s so adamant about following him around GC.  She wants to make sure he never gets his old life back. 

 

Nikki’s like, I’M the reason you and Christine are having a baby?  Blah blah, Dylan - liver = baby.  Nikki says it sounds like Dylan’s the one he should be thanking.  Chris agrees!  Yeah, but Nikki bravely went looking for Dylan which cascaded into all the events that led to Chris getting knocked up.  Chris tries to smile while looking like she’s sucking a lemon.  Nikki’s just so grateful to PAUL for never giving up on the search for their amazing son.  Chris is glad they all got what they wanted.  “Some things are just meant to be,” says Paul.  Meant to be boring.

 

Devon and Hilary slyly enter the club through the front door, where he hands off the private suite key in the middle of the lobby at high noon.  She’s nervous, but he says to just go up when she thinks it’s safe.  Lily walks up.  OMG, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?!  “My suspicions were right,” she says.

 

So why is Nikki there, anyway.  Well, surely they’ve heard Our Dylan’s news?  The engagement!  She wants to have a dinner party for them.  Chris gives in to the inevitable and lets Paul and Nikki plan their dumb party.  They can have their super important baby confirmation discussion later.  Eek, says Nikki.   Paul’s like, no worries, Chris has just been really emotional lately.  You know how women are.  Okay, great, then can Paul host Our Dylan’s party with her?

 

Sage is so mad she can hardly talk.  “ALL I have done since Gabriel saved your miserable life, is help YOU!”  She was by his side for all the nightmarish pain and recovery, and this is how he thanks her?!  She doesn’t even know why she bothers with him!  “Yeah, you do.  We both do,” says Adam.  He’s breathtaking.  She says if anyone’s gonna blow it, it’s him, by talking to Chelsea!  Meh, she didn’t suspect a thing.  “But Constance WILL if you keep calling out your wife’s name in your sleep, or she sees the photos.”  Adam can handle grandma.  Maybe so, but he cannot hide from his NASTY DISPOSITION!  “Yeah, because Saint Gabriel spread joy and sunshine everywhere he went.”  She says he was no saint, but he had a big heart and never took out his anger on people he loved.  Well, if Adam had his charmed life, maybe he wouldn’t either. 

 

Gabriel had his fair share of heartache!  He was devastated when his father died, but he didn’t let it turn him into an insufferable ass!  “Well, maybe because he never knew what it was like to not be good enough in his father’s eyes!” shouts Adam.  “Or what it was like to stand there and watch your son go blind and not be able to do a damn thing about it!”  Except run down a child with your car and take her eyes, retorts Sage.  “DAMMIT!  THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!” cries Adam, punching a chair!  That’s the anger Sage is talking about.  Yeah, Adam’s angry!  That he has to sit there and watch while stupid Billy Abbott takes over his life! 

 

Hilary’s like, well, Lily, I don’t know what you think is going on.  Lily talked to them about this on Thanksgiving, that she feels like Neil is struggling.  And she was right!  There is a reason to be worried!  Devon’s like what are you talking about?  I just saw him and he was fine.  Yeah, Lily, they asked him and he’s fine.  So we’re going to go shag now, okay?  Lily says he is NOT fine.  Hilary says Neil turned a corner after Malcolm’s visit.  Yeah, Lily, blah blah, you’re overreacting.  “Devon!  He says he’s one drink away from giving in.  Does that sound like coping to you?”  Devon’s like why you gotta jack my flow?

 

Neil sits sadly in Lily’s office.  He reaches in his pocket for his 10 Year AA chip.  He squeezes it in his hand.

 

Lauren thinks Michael’s just overwhelmed.  He says you never think it’s going to happen to you.  But this is HIS fight.  She will NOT pay the price of his illness.  Blah blah blah.  She’s going to fight!  Because losing him is not an option!  She is ready to kick cancer’s ass!  But she can’t do it alone!  He has to do whatever it takes to beat this!  “Beat what?” says Fen, who just walked in the door.  Now Michael’s going to pout about that.  So what were they talking about, it sounded intense, man.  Oh, just a case Michael’s working on.  It’s just something he hasn’t faced before.  Blah cancer euphemism blah. 

 

So how about Fen?  Tell them about frat life, his love life…  Aw, shucks, Fen’s not going to tell them about THAT.  He’s just been doing lots of studying and partying, lots of pressure, but no drugs.  Just binge drinking, I guess.  He can’t wait for his ski trip.  Michael thinks Fen should get an early start and leave right away!   Just skip Christmas, skiing is fun, amirite?!  Fen’s like, wth is going on?  Why are they rushing him out of there?

 

Sage tells Adam to CONTROL his anger.  He’s not the only one with a lot riding on this plan!  He knows what’s at stake, okay?  Really, because SHE is facing PRISON for aiding a fugitive if he gets caught!  And what about Constance?   Adam’s like, spare him the tears, she must be ten years past her expiration date.  “You are so HEARTLESS!” cries Sage.  “Yes, I’m a horrible, horrible human being.  I’ve heard it all before,” says Adam in a bored voice.  “My GOD, if I go to prison for you!!”  He’s like relax, no one’s going to prison.  Their trip to GC proved it.  NOBODY suspected anything, not Noah, Sharon, Chelsea…not even his old man.  Sage is like wait…WHAT?  Oh, yeah, that.  Adam ran into The Great One himself.  “He was rude, abrupt, smug…it was actually the most pleasant he’s ever been to me.  I fooled him,” he says with a boyish grin.

 

Chelsea’s not going to give Billy a hard time about his past, when it’s so hard for Billy to deal with hers.  Every time she mentions Adam’s name it brings him back to the night Delia was killed.  But he knows it’s important for Connor to keep Adam’s memory alive, so he’s trying not to let his feelings come between them.  So she can’t let his connection to Victoria do that either.  Anita’s like, um, but Victoria’s very much ALIVE.  What is WRONG with Chelsea that she’s ignoring what’s right in front of her eyes!  Billy is spending more and more time with Vicky and their kids in their storybook house with unacceptable landscaping, and playing in the yard!  “And always coming home to ME,” says Chelsea.  “Until one day, he looks around at you, and ADAM’S son, and shiny penthouse, and says, hmm, I guess the grass WASN’T greener over here.”  Chelsea frowns.  Her grass is pretty green, okay?

 

Lily keeps trying to explain to oblivious Devon and Hilary that Neil is just putting on an act.  He’s not that far from losing his sobriety.  Devon is committed to remaining obtuse.  Lily insists Neil can’t stay sober without their support.  Hilary realizes she needs to go talk to him, and leaves.  Devon’s like, umm, is there anything I can do (please say no!).  He can answer Lily’s question:  why did he invite Hilary to his private suite?

 

Nikki finishes discussing party nonsense with Paul.  Chris comes back and is so thrilled that Nikki is still there.  She takes her leave, but congratulates them again.  And same to her on a new granddaughter.  It’s nice after the hell they went through with Ian.  Blah blah, let’s reminisce on Nikki’s amazing strength and courage.   Chris always loves that.  Paul says the three of them standing there is proof that Ian Ward didn’t get to any of them.

 

Fen’s like I’m barely in the door, and you’re already trying to get rid of me.  They just want Fen to have a break, far far away.  Fen agrees life has been super stressful, sometimes a girl doesn’t want to date him.  He’s just SO grateful life’s not thrown him a major curveball lately.  Michael wants to keep it that way!  So go skiing already and have a great holiday.  Fen says it has to be better than last year when he had a murder charge hanging over him and being on house arrest.  He can’t imagine a Christmas worse than that!

So, why did Devon invite Hilary to his suite.  Welll…he couldn’t decide what to get Gwen for Christmas, so he asked Hilary to come over and brainstorm ideas in his bedroom.  Lily is offended!  “Why didn’t you ask me?”  lol  Because he figured she’d give him a hard time about not knowing Gwen well enough to buy her a gift, and also that would be gross.  Lily just cares about Devon and wants to make sure he’s with someone who loves him for HIM and not his money.  “You’re a good person, Devon, and always see the good in people.  I just want to make sure you don’t get hurt.”    He appreciates it.  But he’s as happy as he’s ever been because of this amazing woman in his life.  He sees so, so much good in her.

 

Hilary finds Neil.  Why didn’t he tell her he was struggling not to drink?  He knows he promised her an open, honest relationship, but he was too ashamed that he would think about drinking when alcohol destroyed her family.  Neil says she has every right to be angry with him.  “I am angry at MYSELF,” says Hilary, looking sick with guilt.  “For not being there for  you.”  Neil assures her it’s alright.  There’s something he wants her to do for him.

 

Anita keeps busting Chelsea’s chops about Billy and Victoria.  If he wants to be with Victoria, then Chelsea can’t stop him, okay?  Anita holds up the christening gown.  Fine, but she doesn’t have to build a bridge, either.  She leaves.

 

Sage is like, are you kidding me?  “You accuse ME of trying to sabotage the plan, and you let your FATHER see you?”  Hey, they ended up in the same elevator.  They pretty much picked up where they left off.   Adam spoke, Victor pretended he wasn’t there.  “Cue the violins,” says Sage.  Nah, Adam’s way past letting that get to him.  It’s hard to be hurt by someone you barely know.  Sage thinks he must have felt something.  Adam says he felt a lot, none of it good.  “Isn’t the ultimate goal to get close to your family again?”  Yeah, his family.  Not Victor Newman.   Sage doesn’t think Adam can fake the devotion Gabriel had for his own father.  Fake it to whom?  I don’t get who Adam needs to actually fool.  He says he doesn’t have a choice.  Pretending to be Gabe is what will get his family back.

 

Sage says, has he ever thought that Chelsea’s moved on…so maybe he should, too?  That’s ridiculous.  Move on to what, Sage?  A new life, she says.  Don’t just pretend to be Gabriel…BE him.  Forget about Adam Newman and his old life.  “That’s never gonna happen,” says Adam.

 

Chris is grateful that Paul will finally never have to make up for lost time with this kid.  Paul says it’s not his first kid, but it sure feels like it!  It might even feel like his first grandkid.  Blah blah, Paul will be a super amazing dad this time.

 

Hilary brings Neil to the hospital for an AA meeting.  She’ll wait for him outside.  He goes inside, right when NIKKI walks to the podium.  She panics when she sees him.  Which is kind of dumb.  It’s called Alcoholics Anonymous for a reason.  And Neil would never tell.  Nikki motions that she can’t do it anymore, and sits down.  So Neil decides to share instead.  His life has been very heavy of late.  He’s very good at wallowing in his misery, and thinking about just one drink.  He finally decided to be honest with his daughter.  And he didn’t pick up a drink, he came to a meeting.  Neil’s grateful for all of them, because no one can do this alone.  Nikki ponders Neil’s truthfulness.

 

Hilary calls Devon in the hallway.  She’s upset.  She should have KNOWN her HUSBAND needed her!  Instead she was messing around with Devon.  “And about Christmas…you should invite Gwen.”  She hangs up.

 

Fen goes out.  Lauren really hates lying to him.  Michael says she heard him, he can’t handle any more stress right now.  She wants to go over treatment options, like NOW.  “I want to enjoy Christmas with my family,” he says through gritted teeth.  Okay, okay.

 

Adam’s watching Chelsea in the park again.  It must be a dream.  He’s reliving her saying she knows him from somewhere.  Adam says she has a very handsome boy.  “He takes after his father,” she says staring at him.  She slowly stands up.  “Adam?” she whispers with tears in her eyes.  Yes, he whispers back.  “OMG!  YOU CAME BACK TO US!” she sobs happily.  He says he’ll never leave them.  And they kiss.  It’s really…uninspiring.  He has more chemistry with Constance than Chelsea.  Adam comes back from his daydream, holding Chelsea’s picture.  He grabs his jacket and leaves.

[NinjaPenguins]

The comment about Chelsea's grass being really green owned me. Brava!

[movinon]

 

Oh, yeah, that.  Adam ran into The Great One himself.  “He was rude, abrupt, smug…it was actually the most pleasant he’s ever been to me.  I fooled him,” he says with a boyish grin.

This is such a perfect description of that relationship.  Great recap again, Peach, and I loved Chelsea's green grass, too. I can't wait until we hear some of Adam's one line zingers to Victor - I hope somebody's smart enough to write them.

[ByTor]

Chelsea’s hair is overhighlighted. 

And greasy!

[MollyB]

 

Really, because SHE is facing PRISON for aiding a fugitive if he gets caught!

ok, did I miss when Adam was tried and convicted and skipped bail (by dying)?  How can you aid a fugitive that isn't?  Unless, the law in GC is whatever conclusion victim and family/friends come to is final. =dun dun=

[peacheslatour]

Well, there is such a thing as accessory after the fact.  I guess.

[peach]

Thurs, Dec 18   He Has That Effect On Women

 

Stitch comes by at dawn to pamper Special Snowflake with flowers and compliments and such.

 

Chelsea’s sad but has a hard time opening up to Billy about a phone call she got from her lawyer.   Some of Adam’s assets were released, so it’s awkward, but Billy tries not to be a jerk.

 

Adam, meanwhile, has flown the castle, and is harbored at the GCAC, mooning over Chelsea’s picture.  He’s not getting away with it, though, because Sage has followed him.  He lets her in so she can spit out that she’s SAVING HIM FROM HIMSELF.

 

Nick and Noah stock the bar, and Nick’s going to need Noah to work extra hours while he plots to steal Faith.  Noah asks if it’s really necessary to do this to Faith?  Can’t they just share custody?  If things get nasty, it’s going to be bad for everyone, especially Faith.  Nick says it’s killing him to get even with Sharon, but he doesn’t have a choice.  Noah’s like, whoa, you always told me that you ALWAYS have a choice.  “Do you have to be so rigid on this?  My way or the highway?” 

 

Nick is annoyed.  He already explained his position to Noah.  Yeah, that Mom is unfit because of something she did A YEAR AGO.  She’s worked hard to get well, and Faith needs her mom right now.  And if he takes her mother away, she may just wind up…hating him.  That can’t be what Nick wants.  Since Nick can’t argue with the truth, he deflects by saying SHARON put him up to this. 

 

Sharon’s managed to sneak past Phyllis to get to Jack.  She took a chance that he would listen to her.  He’s gruff, but doesn’t kick her out.   Sharon explains that Phyllis fired her without cause, but Jack knows the quality of her work!  She’s created a positive drug free environment so idiots like Summer can’t fall down the stairs when they OD!  Is he aware that Nick is going after full custody?  She needs this job to show she’s productive and stable!  She could lose her daughter, and that isn’t fair!  It isn’t right!  Jack’s like, YOU really want to talk about what’s fair and right?!  After what you did to ME??

 

Nick continues to twist everything around and say Sharon is evil and irresponsible for asking Noah to save his sister from Nick’s ego.  “I’m not a CHILD,” says Noah, “I’m a grown man who doesn’t want this to escalate.”  Nick thinks Noah doesn’t understand.  He understands that Nick is the one being irresponsible right now.  He’s putting his anger in front of what’s best for Faith!  Well, anyone who agrees with Sharon is being brainwashed by Sharon. Noah says he’s been trying to convince Nick from the BEGINNING not to make Faith suffer.  It’s the week before Christmas!! 

 

Nick pretends he doesn’t like the timing of this, but punishing Sharon is bigger than one holiday.  Destroying Christmas is just the icing on top.  Noah says it’s about his unwillingness to just..bend.  Nice try, Noah, but now Nick is going to use this against y’all, too.  This is the kind of “manipulation” he has to protect Faith from by snatching her out from under the mistletoe.  Sharon’s just USING Faith to get what she wants.  “By that logic, the person Faith needs protecting from is YOU,” says MARIAH, who just walked in.  Nick glares at her like why did I go find you again?

 

Jack fumes at Sharon that he lost a daughter because of her!  Well, mostly because of Nick, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sharon hates what she did and the person she had become.  Is he going to hate her forever, too?  “It wouldn’t change anything.  It wouldn’t get me my daughter back, of course, she was never mine to begin with!” He wonders if Sharon knows how emotionally DEVASTATING it was for stupid Summer to have two rich dads.  She’s deeply sorry about that.  “Yet here you are trying to drag me into your custody battle with Nick.” 

 

She thought Jack of all people would understand, considering what DIANE did to him.  Because of her, he lost custody of Kyle!  She took him to live out of the country, because the court granted her that right!  He rarely saw him and had no say-so in how he was raised.  Sharon’s worked hard to turn her life around.  She is NOT the same person who screwed him and Summer over.  “Just like YOU are not the same person you were when you were hooked on pills!  You have an illness.  So do I.”  Nick isn’t interested in what’s best for Faith, just in getting back at Sharon.  “Do you think that’s fair, Jack?”  Jack presses his lips together. 

 

Fen surprises squealy Summer at Crimson Lights.  They say they both look fantastic!!  Giggle banter.  Fen has a proposition for her.

 

Chelsea mopes about finishing up Adam’s estate.  It just doesn’t seem real somehow.  Billy wonders if she’s okay, she tosses and turns at night.  Maybe she doesn’t like the new mattress.  She just has a lot on her mind.  She’s cheery about Katie’s christening gown, though.  Billy asks if his turning out to be Katie’s father is the real reason she’s been keyed up.  No way.  Chelsea’s super happy for him.  This baby will be part of their lives, like Johnny and Connor.

 

Sage berates Adam for possibly upsetting Constance.  She’s supposed to accompany him and make sure he’s safe, from like, bandits or something.  “It’s not really the old lady you’re worried about, is it?  It’s Gabriel.  Whatever weird connection you had with this guy, you’re afraid of losing it.  Or at least his FACE.  Right?”  Sage is shocked.  His biceps are nice, too.  Adam says that man is gone.  He’s dead and buried in a mismarked grave, so get over it and move on.  Well, that was a gut punch.  She tries not to cry.  I try not to find him attractive, but it’s not going well.  I’m a bad person. 

 

Sage says she’s trying to help him, and he says something like THAT to her?  He’s like, what, the truth?  Sage says he talks about things he knows nothing about.  And he’s taking a huge risk, making this irrational and emotional decision to insinuate himself into his old life!  He knows what she thinks his choices are…he lives a lie without his family ever knowing who he is, OR he becomes Gabriel Bingham and abandons his life altogether.  She is wrong!   He believes there’s another way.

 

Mariah says Noah’s right.  “You’re not even CONSIDERING what a custody battle will do to my little sister.  Not to mention what a jerk you’re being to Sharon.”  Nick insists this is what’s best for Faith.  As for Sharon, Mariah just hasn’t been around long enough to hate her like Nick does.  That same woman he begged you to accept as your mother because she was loving, and decent, and would never, ever give up on you.  Nick says she’s seen the way Sharon acts when she loses control. 

 

Mariah says that’s PAST TENSE.  Does Nick have a crystal ball?  Does he know she’ll lose it again?  Because if he doesn’t, he CAN’T say taking Faith is what’s BEST for her.  Nick whines that he has fought like HELL to keep this family together, mostly by having sex with Sharon to make Victor mad.  He wanted things to work out SO BAD, that he turned a blind eye to everything she’s capable of.  He ignored the warnings from his disgusting family and from Sharon herself.  Mariah just doesn’t KNOW, even though she’s only there because she was recruited for this entire thing.  “I know when someone is being a hypocrite,” says Mariah,  “And right now, that’s YOU.”  Preach.

 

When Sharon invited her to live with them, Nick played mind games and pretended to like her to use her and get dirt on Ian.  Noah’s like, YEAH.  And all Mom did was ask him to talk sense to Nick.  Nick uses the Victor Defense and says he was doing it for His Family, with good reason.  The only thing that matters right now is Faith.  But from everything Mariah said, it sounds like she has the nerve to care about her own mother just as much.  “And I hope that’s true, Mariah, because Sharon’s going to need you.  She’s going to need BOTH of you.”  Noah frowns.  Why is Dad such a dick!

 

Jack lectures Sharon that despite the disease, people don’t have to forgive him!  Except they all did.  Just like everyone forgave Nick.  And Austin.  And Summer.  Sharon says Nick will use this to call her unfit, and tell the court she can’t hold down a job.  But that isn’t why she was fired!  It’s because Phyllis is a bitch!  She hates Sharon and this was strictly personal!  Jack says Phyllis is in charge of fashion now and has full authority to hire and fire.  He’s not going to start second guessing her now. 

 

Sharon starts to leave.  “Thank you for hearing me out.”  Jack stops her.  He says he’s not without compassion.  He’ll make sure she gets a good recommendation so she can get a job elsewhere.  She sincerely thanks him.  “That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what you did!”  That’s something she’ll have to learn to live with.    She leaves.  Jack looks sad.

 

Adam tells Sage he believes he can be her old pal, Gabe, AND get his old life back.  “That’s impossible,” whispers Sage.  It’s totally possible.  He’ll establish himself as Gabriel, and he’ll make Chelsea fall in love with him all over again.  Sage says she’d be falling in love with someone else.  But it’s not!  It’s him!  His face is different, but his heart is the same!  “All the things that made Chelsea and me wonderful together, will draw us BACK together.”  Wait, what were those things?  There were things? 

 

Sage looks at him like he’s delusional.  Then, when the timing is right, Adam says he will tell her the truth.  Make everybody understand.  And reclaim his life.  It’s going to take a lot of time and patience, but in the end…”I WILL be Adam Newman again.”  Now Sage SAYS he’s delusional.  Adam Newman risen from the dead faces serious jail time.   No one is going to forgive him for running down that poor, innocent girl.

 

Victoria is amazed that Stitch got Katie Rose to sleep.  “I have that effect on women.  Either they scream at the sight of me, or else I put’em right to sleep.”  I guess that’s why they hired him to develop the rape perfume.  Blah blah blah.  More presents for Special Snowflake.  She loves it.  The doorbell rings which wakes up the baby.  Stitch holds her while Vicky opens the door to Billy and Chelsea who dunderheadedly WOKE THE BABY.  “THIS is getting to be a habit,” complains Billy, and I guess he doesn’t mean his stopping by uninvited.

 

Sage says Adam hasn’t thought this through!  “Do you think you know me??”  He’s posing hard in his skin tight Aquaman shirt. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. “Do you think I’m this cold blooded monster who could run down an innocent little girl and have no remorse?!  Is that what you think?? It was an ACCIDENT!”  Killing a kid ruined MY LIFE.  Waaah!  And somehow it’s Victor’s fault, because he couldn’t stand for Adam to have something on his own, by escaping to Paris.  “I deserve this,” he whispers kind of psychotically.

 

He plops down on the couch.  Sage says he doesn’t strike her as the type of person who thinks life is fair.  She doesn’t know what he deserves, but that’s not the point.  Name one person who would listen to him.  Chelsea’s with Delia’s father now.  He’s not close to his family, he would have left his brother dead in the woods.  And according to him, Victor wouldn’t hesitate to turn him in.  I think she’s going to make Adam cry. 

 

“I’m the only person who knows you’re alive.  I’m the only person you can trust.  I’m the only person you exist for.  You OWE ME.  You need me.  There’s not a single person in this entire world that you can count on.  Just me.  So you might want to think about the next time you’re tempted to treat me like dirt.”  Adam can’t take it anymore.  He gets up and grabs his stuff.  She says Adam Newman needs to STAY DEAD.  “Adam Newman may be dead, but the love I have for my son and my wife is not.”  So Sage better PRAY that this works out for both of them.

 

Billy whines that it seems like every time he walks in the door he finds the Doc here with his kid.  Victoria says that’s probably going to keep happening since they are boyfriend-girlfriend now.  Chelsea thinks maybe they should go.  Stitch thinks maybe he and Billy need to chat one-on-one.  No, Billy wants everyone to hear this.  When he dug around in Stitch’s past, it was to SAVE Vicky from him…but he was wrong.  Stitch was super noble and selfless protecting his mom.  And Billy was just part of his problem.  Stitch says Billy was just trying to protect his family.  Billy doesn’t have any objections to Stitch being around his kid, and if Vicky wants to start over with Stitch, it’s none of his beeswax.  He just wants her to be happy.

 

Noah says Nick’s acting like this is a done deal and he already won custody.  And they have to pick sides.  Nick admits he shouldn’t have said anything negative about their mom or make them pick sides.  It just made him SO ANGRY that Sharon had the nerve to talk to her own son about his own sister.  This is between Sharon and him.  He doesn’t want you kids involved, mostly because you don’t agree with him. 

 

“Well, we are now,” says Mariah, “so I’m gonna say this.  I was raised by a controlling freak, who preached forgiveness and letting go, but then lied and stole from people, and messed with their heads.”  Ian didn’t brainwash her, and she’s read a book or two, and she’s learned that forgiving someone, especially your enemy, is HUGE.  It can change the fabric of the universe.  “I think…Gandhi said that.”  Seriously, show? At Christmas? You can’t remember who said to forgive your enemies?

 

Personally, Mariah is not great at forgiveness.  But she’s not a parent.  She doesn’t have to be a role model.  So she agrees with Noah.  Nick doesn’t have to pursue this.  He could just WAIT and see what’s best for Faith, instead of deciding up front that Sharon isn’t worthy of being her mom.  This seems to be putting a tiny dent in his hard head, but then Sharon herself comes in the door.  Nick stares.

 

Billy says Chelsea told him they’re all building a new life and family together.  She handles everything with so much grace.  He’s so lucky to have her in his life.  Blah blah.  It hasn’t always been easy.  Stitch says if life were easy, we’d be bored out of our skulls.  Somehow, we still are.  Billy says the reason they came over was with Katie’s gift, with their warmest wishes.  Victoria opens the box.  She’s stunned that Chelsea made the beautiful christening gown.  It IS beautiful, in case I never mentioned that.  Katie has her very first Chelsea Lawson original.  “I guess we don’t have to look for a Christmas miracle,” says Stitch.  Billy and Victoria look in each other’s eyes and Chelsea worries, even though their treacley blended family scene would make anyone else sick.

 

So Fen wants Summer and Austin to go on the ski trip.  Does Austin ski?  Summer’s sure he, you know, CAN, just not if he, um, DOES.  She says it doesn’t seem like his thing, being a poor and all.  Fen asks what’s his thing then.  Ummmm…cameras?  Yeah, but what else is he into?  Summer has no fucking idea, okay.  Even though I distinctly remember her being horrified that he liked camping and hiking, but I guess my memory’s longer than hers. 

 

Fen’s just interested in knowing about him.  Summer whines that Fen is suggesting she DOESN’T know about him.  He thinks maybe she needs to take this ski trip with Austin herself.  “I mean, if Austin’s gonna be involved in your life…”  Summer’s like involved with my life??  He’s her HUSBAND.  Fen just feels protective of her.  They giggle about Fen’s terrifying protectiveness.  He admits he warned Austin not to hurt her.  “I guess I was just channeling your dad,” says wee Fen.  “Which one?” jokes Summer.

 

Mariah asks Noah if she overstepped with Nick.  “Are you kidding me? Thank you! I really appreciate how you’re looking out for our little sister in all this.  It’s nice to hear you talking that way.”  She keeps on surprising him.  But he’s pretty sure Gandhi didn’t say forgiveness was huge.  No, no, she admits.  It was Jesus.  JUST KIDDING!  It was Plato Sphere, the fantasy writer she’s into right now.  Well, Noah just hopes it worked and that the power of Plato Sphere/Kevin got through to Nick a little bit.

 

Nick tells Sharon that everything they’ve been through together, he doesn’t see any reason that they can’t remain civil while he takes her daughter away.  “Like two people who once loved each other, so much, who don’t want to subject their child to an ugly fight at Christmas time?” says Sharon.  Look, if she doesn’t want this to get ugly, then she needs to lay down and die. And stop putting their grown children in the middle of this by agreeing with her.  “Nick, you’re the one who’s trying to rip Faith out of  my life.  You’re the one who’s doing this to the kids.”  She didn’t know what else to do.  If talking to Noah helped him see reason… 

 

“It was WRONG, period,” says Nick.  “How can you not see that?  Are you in the middle of another manic phase??”  Wow.  Disagreeing with Nick = Manic Phase.  “Wow,” says Sharon.  “That is low, even for you.  You are Victor’s son.”  OMG, SHE CROSSED THE LINE!  “There goes remaining civil,” whines Nick.  Sharon says SHE is the one trying to keep their family whole.  Mr. Original says SHE is the one who sounds exactly like Victor.  She thinks she can justify anything! 

 

Sharon’s like, are you high?  NO, that’s what she’s doing, using this two people who love each other stuff, USING CHRISTMAS!!!  HOW DARE YOU SHARE CUSTODY AT CHRISTMAS!  “So you’re going to say now that you were never in love with me?”  LOVE YOU?  Sharon, he doesn’t even know who you are anymore.  Honest Nick would be a fool to believe anything that comes out of her lying mouth.  Sage has crept up to the door and is listening!  She seems really committed to Adam not getting caught.

 

Jack gets home.  He calls for Red, but she’s not around.  Sage and Adam seem to be having some kind of contest to see who can destroy the Gabriel Bingham plan first, because Adam’s waiting in Jack’s living room.  He’ll show you, Sage!  Somebody cares about him!!!  “Who the hell are you?” asks Jack. 

 

Stitch massages Special Snowflake’s feet.  He wants to give her pure bliss from head to toe.  But Katie cries.  Hey, let Stitch take care of that.  Because he’s perfect.

 

Summer whines about her Abbott-Newman angst.  Fen says it doesn’t matter.  She’s Summer.  That’s all she needs to be.  Summer complains about her mother constantly harassing her about where she is and what she’s doing with her life, which is NOTHING.  Fen says his parents gave him the bum’s rush as soon as he got home from college.  It’s weird!  They’re acting really strange.  “What are we gonna do with these people who call themselves our parents” and spoil the shit out of us, says Summer.

 

“When did you become so cold?” asks Sharon.  All Nick cares about is winning and being right.  Ripping Faith’s mother away from her??  “What mother,” sneers Nick.  Nobody can count on unreliable Sharon.  “That is your response TO EVERYTHING!!” shouts Sharon.  Throwing the past in her face!  She has been doing REALLY WELL, for a long time, until HE destabilized everything.  Mariah interrupts and pulls Sharon away to talk. 

 

“You can’t do this,” pleads Mariah.  Sharon says she can’t just stand there and take his insults.  “Listen to me, this is not the way.  You’re just going to end up making things worse.”  Nick tells Noah that he tried, dude.  Noah is disgusted.  “That’s what you call trying?”  He says to forget it, it’s like talking to a catcher’s mitt.  Although a catcher’s mitt is more flexible.  He walks off.  Sage walks in.  She says she didn’t hear anything, which you would only say if you heard something.  Nick says he was just fighting with his ex over some things.  “I gathered that.  I’m sorry,” she says sympathetically.  Nick just doesn’t want her to think she saved the life of a total jackass.  That was last year.  Now she’s saved two jackasses.

 

“Who are you?  What do you want?” demands Jack.  Adam says what he’s going to tell him is going to be very, VERY difficult to believe.  But then again, he’s seen some crazy things.  Jack is angry.  Why is he talking to him like he knows him?!  “I do know you, Jack. I know things about you no one else possibly could.”  Jack asks if this is some kind of shake down.  No, it’s much more complicated than that.  Jack panics.  Did he do something to Phyllis?!  Adam wants Jack to relax, but Jack’s calling the police!  “PUT. THAT PHONE. DOWN, JACK.”  Jack frowns.  There’s something so..commanding…and Adam like about this man.

 

Mariah tells Sharon that Nick IS being nasty and unfair, and it’s not going to end any time soon.  So she needs to toughen up and deal with it.  Noah’s joined them and says Mariah’s right.  She needs to head home.  Noah tells Sharon to breathe. She thanks him for his efforts, but it was clear Nick doesn’t want to work anything out.  It was like talking to Victor!  Noah says Dad is stubborn, but he’s nothing like Grandpa.  He still may come around.  Sharon can’t hope for that, Noah. “But I promise you, Nick will NOT take Faith away from me, no matter WHAT I have to do to stop him!”  Go to the mattresses, Sharon!

 

Nick whines to Sage that he hates what this battle he caused is doing to his kids.  He wishes it wasn’t necessary, but it is.  Do him a favor and tell him her parents divorced and she turned out fine.  Weird piano music plays, and she says it was a little more complicated than that.  Ugh, I hope it wasn’t a Flowers In The Attic thing with Gabe.  It usually is, says Nick.  Sage says she was just in the neighborhood, but Nick can’t stay.  He has to pick up Faith.  But come back, Sage.

 

Summer tells Fen that old friends are the best kind.  That’s right, old friends, says Fen kind of creepy like.  He kisses her on the cheek.

 

Chelsea and Billy get home and canoodle.  She loved what he said about her.  Was it hard praising her in front of Victoria?  Not at all, especially with Stitch in the room.  She thinks he seems a little distant, lately.  Blah Delia blah.  She always wanted a little sister.  Maybe she needs to meet her.  Off they go.

 

Adam says please, no police, he just wants to talk.  He wants to explain.  Jack gets madder.  “It’s ME, Jack!  It’s ADAM!”  Jack stares in confusion.

[Joimiaroxeu]

She thought Jack of all people would understand, considering what DIANE did to him.  Because of her, he lost custody of Kyle!  She took him to live out of the country, because the court granted her that right!  He rarely saw him and had no say-so in how he was raised. 

Hmm, when she said that I thought it sounded a little off. IIRC, after some back and forth involving Phyllis, Jack had legal custody of Kyle and he graciously allowed Diane to take Kyle out of the country. That's why I wondered how she was able later to "give" Kyle to Victor if Jack still had legal custody. It seems the show retconned that bit of history and for what purpose? Kyle's an adult now so it doesn't matter who Diane thought she was selling her kid to in exchange for nice clothes and jewelry.

 

Wait, what were those things?  There were things?

IKR? I always thought Adam regarded Chelsea as a consolation prize. He settled for her because he couldn't have Sharon and then the deal was sealed with Connor.

[NinjaPenguins]

*All the things that made Chelsea and me wonderful together, will draw us BACK together.” Wait, what were those things? There were things?

*Nick just doesn’t want her to think she saved the life of a total jackass. That was last year. Now she’s saved two jackasses.

*He doesn’t want you kids involved, mostly because you don’t agree with him.

*Nick pretends he doesn’t like the timing of this, but punishing Sharon is bigger than one holiday. Destroying Christmas is just the icing on top

Such delightful stocking stuffers, peach!