Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[Snaporaz]

 

WORST PLOT HOLE EVER

Thank you for articulating what I was feeling, because, as I was watching, I had no words.  

Someone in the other thread supposed that they just wanted to wrap up this stupid storyline because they knew people were fed up with it.  But couldn't they figure out some way to tie in that music box?  They toyed with an idea just a few days ago, when Colin talked about the sheet music.  Why not run with  that?  Play the sheet music on the piano (Did Kay have a piano?  I guess so.  All rich people have a piano.), and a special compartment opens and out pops Jill's inheritance.  Contrived?  Yes, but it's better than expecting us to believe that Kay would just know Jill would throw a pillow at precisely the right spot on the freaking chandelier!  All this angst for one cockadoody necklace!  

In addition to experimenting with surrealism, it looks like Y&R is dipping its toes into Dadaism as well.

[peach]

Seriously, when my middle school kid thinks the writing is sloppy and nonsensical, there's just no excuse.  A 10 year old could solve this story in more logical way.  There's really no excuse for this unconnectedness from professional television writers.  Soaps have their own internal reality that allows for things like evil twins, faked deaths, amnesiacs, DNA swaps, intermarrying, and whatnot, but logic still applies within the system!  I don't know how these poor, suffering actors stand it.  They're the ones who have to SELL this crap.

In addition to experimenting with surrealism, it looks like Y&R is dipping its toes into Dadaism as well.

 

I was thinking Kafka.  lol

[LeftPhalange]

I've paid very little attention to this music box crap so I need someone to explain it to me like I'm Lily  Jill doesn't inherit any money or property? She just gets a necklace which causes her to realize Kay really loved her? Did she not already know that Kay loved her?

[peacheslatour]

 

explain it to me like I'm Lily

Lol! 

All the writers needed to do was look up some old Nancy Drew plots and *voila* they could have had a dozen plots surrounding the stupid fucking music box that would have been better than what they came up with.

Of course Kay had a piano peach, I collect dollhouse furniture and no matter what the brand it is or what era it is from, each and every one of them feature a grand piano.

Edited May 30, 2014 by peacheslatour

[miamama]

Peach: I forgot to mention this from an earlier post (because there are so many fabulous lines in your recaps that I can't point them all out) but every time I think of Ian now I think of Swiper. Oh my god, it's so fucking funny. He'd be so EASY to get rid of, if they only knew exactly what to say. lol.

[peach]

Peach: I forgot to mention this from an earlier post (because there are so many fabulous lines in your recaps that I can't point them all out) but every time I think of Ian now I think of Swiper. Oh my god, it's so fucking funny. He'd be so EASY to get rid of, if they only knew exactly what to say. lol.

My son will be thrilled to hear that.  He was already excited to be included in my "super popular blog" lol!  :)

 

Swiper, No Swiping!

[Snaporaz]

 

explain it to me like I'm Lily

Oh my gods....priceless!  Unlike that necklace.  How much can that thing be worth?  At best, $250,000, unless it was worn by Anne Boleyn or Marie Antoinette or something.  Anyway, it's not worth millions.  In fact, I think Esther ended up with a bigger inheritance!

[peach]

Thur, May 29, 2014
Victoria grabs her phone to call Chelsea.  If she has to beg her, bribe her, or lock her in cage, she will to keep her from telling Billy she’s pregnant.  That’s the Newman spirit!  Stitch doesn’t think Victoria can rely on Chelsea to keep her mouth shut for the weeks it will take to get DNA results.  He believes it’s best to just tell Billy instead of letting him make up his own paranoid scenarios or find out from Chelsea.  Stitch obviously doesn’t realize Billy likes to kidnap people at gunpoint.  Victoria doesn’t like Stitch trying to change her mind.  SHE knows who they’re dealing with.  Stitch says things are only going to get worse until the truth comes out.  Then they will keep getting worse.

 

Billy’s at Chelsea’s asking her WHAT she’s saying about a BABY?  Chelsea’s like, ummm, what DID you talk about with Victoria?  Well, the only thing she had to tell him was to call before he comes over to his own house.  I like how he leaves out why.  Billy says that’s obviously not what Chelsea expected to happen, so what is it?  “Spit it out.  Is Vicky pregnant?”  Chelsea bites her lip.

 

Sharon lays a blue flower next to Cassie’s photo.  She says today was harder than usual.  The bits and pieces of her memory are so confusing to her, like how she thought she knew that Jack was Summer’s father before the test results came back.    Nick says it’s best not to force her memories.  Everything will fall into place eventually.  He leaves, and Sharon studies her traffic ticket again.

 

Abby took Faith for a makeover at Jabot, and they’re having a girls’ night out at Crimson Lights.  Faith asks questions about the wedding, and Abby says, if there IS a wedding. 

 

Tyler meets up with Leslie at the GCAC.  He says there was nothing much he could do for Mariah in Portland, just like Leslie thought.  He asks if she knows any good lawyers out there, and she does, but not any that come cheap.  She doubts that his fiancée is going to pay for Mariah’s defense.  Did she pay for his plane ticket?  Tyler wonders if he’s even still engaged.

 

Devon is strolling through the club with a new model, named Lelani, who is way hotter this time.  Like, I think she’s an actual model.  They have a brief conversation with Lily.  Lily is like, wow, this one is really dumb.  Speaking of dumb, Lily can’t figure out why young billionaire Devon is wasting his time dating models just for sex.  BECAUSE HE CAN, Lily.  He’s like, did you SEE her?  Lily wants Devon to get his head in the damn game and spend his time seducing Hilary away from Dad.  He doesn’t look too thrilled.

 

Sugar Neil and Hilary walk through Allpurpose Park.  He can’t believe she has soooo  many shoes.  She’s like, I thought you were in fashion?  Yeah.  Shoes pay your sugar daddy bills, Neil.  He’s gonna love bomb her and call a contractor to totally upgrade her wardrobe space.  She’s like, whoa, don’t start ripping out walls when this is just a temporary living arrangement.  “It doesn’t have to be,” he says.

 

Noah (in GCRB)stops by to visit Sharon.  He saw the flowers at Cassie’s grave and figured they’d been there earlier.  He asked if she brought the little blue ones, but no, that was Victor, which Sharon thinks was kind.  Noah thinks Grandpa ought to try being kind to the living for a change.  Sharon can’t argue with that.  He sees the ticket and asks if she ran ANOTHER red light?  No!  This is the old ticket, and she doesn’t know why she feels like it’s important, or why she feels guilty about it.  Noah thinks he knows why.

 

Nick shows up to pick up Faith.  She runs off to see a friend, and Abby tells Nick the whole Tyler/Mariah story.  He’s like holy crap, he had no idea Tyler had any kind of past like that.  Nick knew Mariah was a piece of work, but geez.  She says she’s so disillusioned with Tyler and asks Nick what she should do.  He says he takes his role as big brother and woman protector very seriously, so he is GOING to give her advice.  He says what every big brother in the universe would say. “I mean this sincerely when I say you should kick this guy to the curb.”  Duh.  Abby looks bummed.

 

Meanwhile, Leslie is giving Tyler big sister advice.  She’s on Team Abby on this one.  Tyler owes Mariah NOTHING.  Oh, but he does, he says, because she got him out of trouble.  She’s like, trouble Mariah GOT YOU IN.   How is Leslie so smart, and Tyler so dumb?  He doesn’t care because Mariah is in SERIOUS trouble and he can’t abandon her.  Leslie says to cut that girl loose and be glad he didn’t marry her or have any kids with her so he was stuck with her forever.

 

Chelsea hems and haws with Billy about how she must have misspoke, because dumb stuff just slips out of her mouth sometimes.  He’s like, uh-uh.  Chelsea isn’t Chloe, everything she says is carefully planned.  They go back and forth about whether or not she really said Vicky was having a baby, until Chelsea’s forced to admit that’s what it was.  Billy is happy!  They have tried so long, this is the best news ever!  He hugs Chelsea, and she just looks at the ceiling and wishes it would fall on them. 

 

Billy’s all giddy about the baby news.  Chelsea’s about to add some details to that news, but Victoria calls.  Chelsea begs him not to get her in trouble with Victoria, because technically, he figured it out on his own.  Vicky says he was right, they need to talk.  He smiles and says he’s on his way.  Stitch is actually going to leave Victoria alone for this, but he says if Billy’s temper blows, he’s only a phone call away, probably parked in front of her house.  Billy races out the door while Chelsea calls after him that he doesn’t know the whole…story.  Oh, well.

 

Devon tells Lily the answer is no.  He isn’t going to seduce Hilary away from Neil.  She’s like, what’s YOUR plan?  Staying out of their business is his plan.  Omg, that’s not a plan, you guys!  But Devon says he can think of a hundred ways for Lily’s plan to blow up in their faces.  She tries to guilt him into it, but he says it’s stupid.  She asks why is it stupid?  He says how much time you got?  Then she works the angle that there’s a spark between Devon and Hilary, like when he saw her changing.  He’s like, well, yeah, she was a girl in her underwear.  Lily doesn’t expect him to actually sleep with her, just nudge her into a “teeny bit of betrayal.”  He’s like what exactly do you see in your head?  I’m pretty sure it’s a three ring circus going on in there, Devon.

 

Hilary tells Neil it’s WAY too soon to be talking about anything permanent.  He says he understands and will do whatever makes her feel comfortable.  Ha.  They kiss.  Along comes LESLIE.  This is Neil’s dream come true, because she is suitably shocked to see them kissing.  She says, “What is going on here??”  He says, “That’s none of your business now, is it?”  She’s like what are you DOING with HER?  Hilary’s had enough of people talking about HER, so she says she’s going to find a water fountain so Leslie can “insult her in private.”  Leslie’s like, have you FORGOTTEN what Hilary did to hurt all of them?  Neil viciously responds that Hilary isn’t the only woman to hurt him.  Right, Hilary tried to DESTROY your entire family, and Leslie just didn’t want marry you.  Leslie is clearly the criminal mind here.

 

Sharon asks Noah to tell her everything he knows about her traffic ticket.  He says they had some words about it.  It wasn’t a good time and she was “running around, acting kind of weird.”  She was not happy about Nick and Avery getting married.  She latches on to the “acting kind of weird” part.  He says she was definitely hiding something, but he could see right through her.  He thinks she was concealing her feelings about Nick and Avery’s wedding, and also, he confronted her that night about being off her meds.  He thinks that’s what the guilty feelings are about.  Sharon’s like, maybe, but she clearly thinks it’s something worse. 

 

Noah’s going to meet Courtney, and Sharon JUST NOW figures out maybe she should look at her CALENDAR to see what was happening that day.  Duh, Sharon.  She uses Internet Search to Google the date of the ticket, and gets the headline,  PHYLLIS NEWMAN: TRAGEDY AT MS BENEFIT.  Phyllis is a tragedy anywhere, if you ask me.  Sharon mulls this over.

 

Tyler shows up at Sharon’s to talk about Mariah.  Sharon finally has someone to give her the dirt about her.  He sugarcoats all of Mariah’s activities, such as, “she got mixed up with this guy, and basically,  helped herself to his money after he fell asleep.”  So…she rolled a john.  Okay.  Sharon’s down with sugarcoating anything Mariah does, and says she’s been doing some serious “acting out.”  Tyler wants to go be a character witness, but isn’t sure they’ll listen to him.  He gets out his little violin.  Mariah might make some bad decisions, but she’s not a terrible person.  She had it really tough as a kid, her mom was kind of a nutjob, and she was basically abandoned.  She steals because she never had nice stuff growing up.  I guess that’s why she torments innocent people, because they have all that nice stuff.  Sharon’s like, okay, but what do you want from me?

 

Abby is surprised Nick isn’t siding with Tyler because of the bro code.  Nick gives her some straight up good advice about how Tyler hasn’t been honest with her, hasn’t trusted her, and instead, flew halfway across the country to help MARIAH.  It doesn’t sound like he puts Abby first in his life. And if she thinks that will change AFTER a wedding, it WON’T.  She says, “So you’re telling me to break my engagement?” Yes.  He is.  She sneers and says, “How dare you?”  His jaw drops a bit, like WTF?  You ASKED me.

 

Billy shows up at Victoria’s with smiles and flowers.  She’s like, uh, you really didn’t have to do that.  She’s very serious and says she has to tell him something.  Billy has zero situational awareness, as usual, and is grinning ear to ear.  He tells her he already knows everything, that she’s having a baby.  She’s like who told you?  Chelsea?  He says no, he figured it out, he can put stuff together on his own, you know.  Not right now, apparently.   “This is great, this is so great!”  He hugs her.  She’s sorry she didn’t tell him before, she was just really worried.  Because, until she takes the paternity test….Billy’s like, hold on.  The paternity test?  He looks like he’s gonna vom now.

 

Lily’s like, do I really have to explain to you how to seduce a woman, Devon?  He’s like, this is Hilary, who’s involved with our dad, and LIVING with him.  Lily lays out a whole plan.  That teaser they’ve been showing of them hooking up is just Devon’s fantasy.  Very tricky, show. There are saxophones.  This is a long and elaborate fantasy.  Actingwise, I think she’s more into Devon than Neil.  Lily has to snap Devon out of it.  She asks if he’s up for it.  I think so.

 

Leslie tells Neil she knows she hurt him, and she regrets that, she really does.  But she still cares about Neil, and she doesn’t trust Hilary Curtis.  It amazes her Neil would even give her the time of day.  Neil says he and Hilary [had hot sex] worked through their issues, and she’s not a threat to him anymore.  She asks how many minutes it took for that to happen?  He’s like how many minutes did it take to race the altar with her doctor friend?  Well, like ten.  He says Leslie should be glad for him, better yet, they should be glad for each other.  She wanted to be friends, and [now that he’s getting some tail younger than her] he’s willing to do that now.  She says, “Deal.”  They shake on it.  But she gets in one last dig at Hilary to “stay off the internet.”  Hilary says that was borderline civil.  Neil says they came to a clear understanding…that he is happy.  And he won’t let anything stand in the way of that happiness, like common sense or normal behavior.  That’s why…he wants to ask her A Question.  Nooooo!!!

 

Stitch shows up at Chelsea’s.  He thought she should know that Victoria is telling Billy about the baby right now, so Chelsea can lay off.  Chelsea sneers that Billy already knows, so problem solved.  Stitch is really aggravated by that and barges into Chelsea’s apartment like all who have gone before him.  “I knew you couldn’t keep it to yourself.”  She’s like, why do you assume that I’m the one who told him.  “Billy’s a smart man.”  Stitch says, “Billy Abbott?”  She says he put two and two together  Really, just two.  He calls her out for moralizing against Victoria when she didn’t give Dylan the same courtesy.  She says Dylan’s gotten over it, so why can’t he?  She pulls the “what, is your past spotless?” card.  He’s like, whatever, stay out of Victoria’s business.  She says, “Suddenly that married woman’s business is your problem?”  He’s like, YEAH, since she might be having my baby, and I’m going to be in its life, and hers.  I’d say it’s way more of his business than yours, Chelsea. 

 

Billy asks Victoria, “So you’re saying this baby could be Rayburn’s?”  He says that’s not possible.    She has to explain where babies come from, and he’s yelling about how she slept with this JERK, and now she could be pregnant with HIS kid?  She’s like, yes, it’s possible.  NO! Billy screams.  DAMMIT, NO! It’s NOT POSSIBLE, not after everything they’ve been through, with all the treatments and disappointments?  She apologizes, but he says she has nothing to be sorry for, because he knows this baby is his, because he can FEEL it.  His logic is a little shaky.

 

Billy is crushed.  Vicky says until she’s 14 weeks along, she can’t do the blood test, so until then, him believing the baby is his is just magical thinking.  Nope, this is their dream, to have a child created from their love, it’s the light at the end of the tunnel after Delia.  He says this baby is a sign, and that is the only way to interpret it.  He’s sounding suspiciously like Chloe right now.  She says, a sign of what?  You think if this baby is yours that means we should get back together?  Her voice implies that it does not mean that.

 

Nick tells Abby not to shoot the messenger.  She says Sharon’s done way worse things than Tyler, and they’re still together.  Yeah, that’s been a bed of roses.  He says they’re talking about HER relationship, not his.  It’s been a LONG road back for him and Sharon, and they have CHILDREN together.  She’s like, yeah, but they’re madly in love again so it’s all good.  He says Abby’s only mad at him because she knows he’s right.  She knows in her gut that Tyler's always going to be telling her half-truths and hiding stuff.   She says if she knew he was going to be so negative, she wouldn’t have asked for his opinion.  He says , oh, so you just wanted me to say, GREAT, marry the guy!  And in a year, when she’s divorced, she’ll be mad at him anyway.  She pouts.  He does admit that Tyler’s connection to Mariah is clouding his feelings, but she’s a smart girl and should trust her gut.  He leaves.  Abby is sad and worries.

 

Meanwhile, Tyler is worried about Mariah.  He tells Sharon that Mariah needs more help than he can give her.  She’s lost all her money and can’t afford a decent attorney.  She’s going to end up doing time.  Sharon’s like what do you expect from me?  She has a lot of problems, but so do I.  Nick told her to stay away from Mariah, and he’s right.  She asks why Tyler came to her with this.  Because Mariah asked for her.  Sharon’s heartstrings go TWANG!

 

Devon tries to get Lily to see she hasn’t thought this through.  And he doesn’t want HILARY going through this.  He says she needs to realize there’s probably nothing they can do about Neil and Hilary.

 

Neil says seeing Leslie reminded him of something very critical to him, that she dumped him for someone else and got married.  So how does Hilary feel about marriage?  She’s like, ummm, wow.  She feels like maybe Neil’s crazy.  She says so much for no pressure.  He says it’s not like that, lol.  He should have had this conversation with Leslie a couple of years ago.  She talks about being a little girl and blah blah, I zoned out.  So, she’s saying she’s not against the principle of marriage, and if he asks  her one day, she won’t be against it.  She says it’s not out of the question.

 

Abby thinks about what Nick said.  He gets home with Faith, and Sharon asks if he can look after her for a few days.  She wants to go to Portland and help Mariah.  Nick’s like omg.

 

Chelsea tells Stitch she hopes he has the decency to bow out gracefully if the baby is Billy’s.  He will never get between them then anyway.  He’s like since when are you such a cheerleader for them?  Is it your guilty conscience because of what your husband did?    They start making out.  Just kidding, but they have more chemistry than anyone else does.  Her eyes gloss with tears, and she says, get out of my house.  He says, gladly.  He leaves.

 

Billy says have you forgotten how long we’ve longed for a child?  She’s like it doesn’t change history or solve our problems.  He says their problems are INSIGNIFICANT compared to having a child together.  She’s like…insignificant?  Billy’s as tone deaf to Vicky’s feelings as always. He says it’s a SIGN that WE BELONG TOGETHER, and we are finally the family we were meant to be!  She’s like, and how will you feel if it’s Ben’s? What kind of sign will THAT be?  Billy’s like, wait, what?  That’s not part of his fantasy AT ALL.

 

At least the cat's out of the bag.

Edited May 30, 2014 by peach

[Snaporaz]

There were some good interactions today.  Namely, this:

 

She says, “So you’re telling me to break my engagement?” Yes.  He is.  She sneers and says, “How dare you?”  His jaw drops a bit, like WTF?  You ASKED me.

I was surprised that I was actually feeling sorry for Abby, who I usually find so obnoxious, for most of that conversation.  Her "How dare you?" brought me back down to earth pretty quickly.  There's THE Abby Newman I know!

 

And this one just made me snort:

 

“Billy’s a smart man.”  Stitch says, “Billy Abbott?”

Stitch's timing was spot on there!

 

Thanks again for the laughs, peach!

[peacheslatour]

 

Sharon lays a blue flower next to Cassie’s photo.

If that flower was a Forget-Me-Not then I'm Henry Kissinger.

[peach]

Fri, May 30, 2014
Chelsea and Connor check on Kevin at the police station.  He says Chloe’s all settled in at the California mental facility, and everything is fine.  Wait, what?  What about the jar of Billy’s swimmers?  Did she pitch it?  Did the TSA or the wackadoo hospital confiscate it?  Is it in Katherine’s chandelier?  Dammit, show!  WHAT HAPPENED?  What if it gets in the water supply?  I’m not sure I can even concentrate on the rest of this episode now.

 

Victor runs into Stitch at the club.  Again with the boxing.  Stitch doesn’t want to box because he’s had a rough night, and he doesn’t really want to discuss it.  Victor asks if this has anything to do with his daughter.  How does he always KNOW?

 

Victoria says Billy thinks her being pregnant is a sign, but what if it’s Ben’s?  Will he still be okay with it?  Yes, yes, Billy is A-OK with it because he will say ANYTHING to get Vicky back with him.

 

Tyler finally sees Abby.  His eyebrows look glued on.  He thinks things can go back to how they were, and she says Nick thinks she should cut him loose.  He finally seems actually scared, and asks what SHE wants.

 

Sharon wants to go to see Mariah TONIGHT.  Nick does NOT get it.  She explains how Tyler came to see her and that Mariah specifically asked for HER help.  Nick says, “Then you can specifically tell her to shove it.” She replays the whole Mariah sob story, and Nick wishes she would stop making excuses for her.  She says she just wants to go out to Portland and see what she wants.  Nick says he knows what she wants.  I think we all do, Sharon, she wants MONEY.  Nick says she’s making a huge mistake.

 

Kevin admits he’s bummed that Chloe didn’t turn to him, but he also knows he “has a pathological need to help people.”  Where is his counseling, I ask.  He thanks Chelsea for helping Chloe get treatment and seeing what he couldn’t see.  Chelsea says she knows all about seeing only what you want to see in someone you love. He has hope for the future.  He asks why she really came all the way down there at night instead of just calling him.

 

Stitch asks Victor to forgive him for being blunt, but he really doesn’t want to talk about it.  Victor doesn’t mind at all, because he likes Stitch for not being Billy, and offers his assistance with Victoria if he needs it.  Stitch is like, well, you and Victoria aren’t in the best place right now.  He says it may surprise Stitch to know that Victor and Victoria have a bond that is unbreakable.  He loves her and wants what’s best for her.  Stitch says, with all due respect, they should let Victoria decide what’s best for her, no matter how difficult that is.  Victor likes that answer, because Stitch isn’t Billy.  He says Stitch is a good man.

 

Victoria is like, yeah, right, Billy.  Seriously, you’d be okay with this baby being Ben’s?  Oh, seriously?  Then, no.  He would seriously not be okay with it.  He says it’s driving him CRAZY thinking about her having sex with Stitch.  She’s like, yeah, I know how THAT feels!  He’s like, ONCE, I slept with Kelly ONCE.  “For all I know, every time you see Stitch, you’re getting it on.”  She’s laughing at his utter hypocrisy, since that ONCE with Kelly is why they are separated. 

 

Ever the charmer, Billy says he’s surprised she doesn’t have a little black book.  Why stop with Stitch when she could have the whole town?  Victoria punches him in the throat.  JUST KIDDING, but why can’t she just do that instead of asking him to stop.  Just STOP [being such a colossal dickhead].  He CAN’T!  It’s so different when it’s not him who slept with someone else, and he can’t get over these images, and wondering if he can accept this baby that’s not his. I don’t remember anyone inviting him to.  She says she accepted Johnny.  Oh, yeah, that.  He says she had just as much trouble as he’s having now.  He says it will be hell waiting to find out who the father is, but he loves her, and they will get through this together.  Funny, that’s what Stitch said.

 

Stitch has a flashback to when Victoria told him about her pregnancy, and he told her it was still her miracle.  Kelly is nearby on the phone with Jack, asking if he’s been to the Victoria Albert museum.  It’s one of the most romantic love stories of all time. These two are kind of making me sick.  Gushing and then she hangs up.  She sees Stitch at the bar, and kind of condescendingly sighs because she’s so much better than Stitch and has a boyfriend in London.  She sits down next to him, and he says he’s not in the mood for a battle tonight.  She says good, how about a drink instead?  Ah, the one thing Jack can’t do. He says suit yourself.  She orders white wine, “and make it the good stuff,” which really narrows it down. 

 

Stitch says she’s in a good mood, and she snarks that she IS, not like that little black rain cloud HE’S sitting under.  Wow, what a fun companion she is.  She asks what’s eating him?  He vaguely says he’s hoping to hear from someone, but the longer he waits, the more he worries it’s going to be bad news.

 

Victoria says Billy has no idea how much she’d like to believe him.  Oh, no worries!  He’s not going to screw up, he’s going to be a model husband and father to their children, no matter what the DNA tests say.  He’s going to be great at coparenting with Stitch.  Okay, he didn’t say the last part.  Vicky says she knows he will try, but he always breaks his promises, especially the grandiose ones.  But things are different now, he says, HE is different now.  (I bet he’s going to be a LOT different very soon.  ;P)   “This whole Peter Pan thing is running thin, even for me.”  He jokes that the tights are too restricting.  She’s like, THIS is the problem, you’re never going to grow up. He’s like, so I tell a few jokes, it’s part of my charm.  The charm that ends up hurting her, she says.  He pushes to start over again, like, literally tomorrow.  She’s not comfortable with making commitments, not until she has the paternity test.  He says whatever she wants.  She wants him to back off so she’s not stressed out.  He agrees and tells her to rest and take care of herself and Junior.

 

Tyler tells Abby she shouldn’t listen to Nick because he’s not objective AT ALL.  Right, Abby says, because of his RELATIONSHIP WITH MARIAH.  Tyler is a moron and says at least Nick copped to his ridiculous bias.  Abby says Nick said she should trust her own gut.  Part of her thinks she loves him but the much bigger part thinks anyone running off to hold his ex’s hand deserves to be DUMPED.  Word!  But Tyler says it’s not like that, he just had to help because he owed her.  He says he made an effort, but his debt is paid.  “She’s Sharon’s project now.”  Abby’s like WTF?  He explains how he recruited Sharon for Mariah’s cause.  Did I mention he’s a moron?  She’s like, wait…you went to see SHARON before you came to see ME?  Following Mariah’s commands like a little lapdog?  He’s supposed to follow HER commands like a little lapdog!  Get your laps straight, Tyler. 

 

Sharon’s like, I know what you think, Nick, that Mariah just wants money.  Well, duh!  He says here’s what’s gonna happen, first you’ll pay her bail, then hire a dream team of lawyers, then it will be a house, a trust fund…  She’s like, you’re being RIDICULOUS.  Sounds legit to me, Sharon.  She says she just wants one more conversation..closure.   Nick tries to get through to her that Mariah preys on people like Sharon.  Sharon’s like, you’re just trying to CONTROL me.   You sound like Victor!!  She’s playing dirty pool, and this obviously offends Nick.  He walks out, and doesn’t even close the door.

 

Tyler keeps making excuses.  There is no scenario that will make it okay to come see Abby in SECOND PLACE.  He claims it was to end the thing with Mariah so he would come back to Abby free and clear. 

 

Okay, Sharon, you want Nick to act like Victor, he’s gonna act like Victor.  He storms back in and orders her to get off the phone with the airline.

 

Chelsea does the whole “just out for a stroll” routine, but it’s not working.  She finally shares her feelings.  She says most people would call her ungrateful.  Guilty as charged.  She says she has it all, baby, tons of money, successful design business.  Kevin asks how she gets out of bed?  She laughs, but truthfully…she’s boring.  Oops, I mean she’s BORED.   Her life is so much less interesting without Chloe, she says.  No shit!  Also, way to make Kevin feel better, Chelsea.

 

Victor decides to visit Victoria. He fishes around a bit, but she’s had the longest day, and tries to politely get rid of him.  Victor’s eagle eye spots her prenatal vitamins from across the room.  You can’t get anything past Victor Newman!  Also, Vicky needs to invest in a medicine cabinet.  He asks if she’s pregnant.

 

Sharon says, “The more you try to lay down the law according to Nick Newman, the more I’m going to dig my heels in, so you might as well give up.  While I still like you.”  He says he completely agrees.  He tucks his tail between his legs and says he came there to apologize.  They’ve come so far, blah blah.  She loves him.  He loves her.  He worries, but she can do whatever she wants.  IF she checks in with her therapist and keeps in touch with him at all times.  She wouldn’t have [getting her way] any other way. They embrace.

 

Chelsea asks Kevin to let her know anything he hears about Chloe.  Billy swoops in.  Kevin asks if he’s in trouble.  He’s staying OUT of trouble, Kevin, but he needs help on getting the goods on Dr. Benjamin Rayburn.  Chelsea rolls her eyes. Way to look after that unborn baby, Billy.  He wants Kevin to do the “deep background check” and to cross check Stitch’s name against jerks who like to go after other guy’s wives.  Kevin and Chelsea look at him like the idiot he is.  Kevin doesn’t do illegal shit anymore, Billy, he’s a solid citizen.  He suggests Billy also back off.  He leaves.

 

Billy starts to go after him, and Chelsea tells him to stop.  It’s not fair to make his problem Kevin’s problem.  Connor is about to swallow one of Chelsea’s pearls.  She tells Billy to find another way to deal with it, and can start by talking to her about it.  They’re friends now, blah blah.

 

Kelly’s still being bitchy to Stitch at the club.  She asks how bad this news he’s waiting for is.  It’s bad enough he doesn’t want to talk about.  He asks why she’s so happy.  She’s won the love lottery! He asks if it’s such a good idea to be dating Billy Abbott’s brother.  She shoots back, is it a good idea to be dating Billy’s WIFE?  Burn.  She asks if THAT’S who he’s waiting to hear from.  She groans.  “You know it’s never going to last with her.  It can’t with you.  It never does.”  Not with you around, Kelly.  He says she shouldn’t be so sure.  She says how fair is it to Victoria to get involved with man that doesn’t even exist?

 

Victoria admits she’s pregnant, and Victor is very supportive.  She doesn’t want him to tell Nikki yet.  She doesn’t want people to get excited until…tests.  He wants to bring in specialists from all over the world.  Well..specialists can’t fix this.  It’s about paternity.  He gets his hopes up and asks if it might be that Stitch guy?  He knew Dr. Rayburn was preoccupied!  She smiles and talks about how compassionate he is.  Victor says unlike someone else we know. Victoria says Billy is trying.  She doesn’t want to discuss it til she has the tests.  Victor doesn’t want to her to jump back into a relationship with Billy no matter who’s the father.  He wants what’s best for her (not Billy).

 

Stitch is mad.  He tells Kelly not to ever say that again.  “Ben Rayburn DOES exist!”  He just knocked a girl up!  He has a whole new life and career and friends.  Yeah, Kelly sneers, friends who don’t know you killed someone.  Kelly shouldn’t drink.  She says, “Look at you, always covering up.”  They argue about keeping his secret.  He reminds her she said she would keep her mouth shut.  Well, that was before she got a boyfriend.  Now she’s seeing Perfect Jack, so screw you, Stitch.  She won’t lie to him.  What a great drinking buddy.  Maybe Stitch should kill Kelly.

 

For some reason, Billy not only needs a friend, he needs to hang out in Connor’s nursery some more.  They talk about the preggo deal.  He’s glad Chelsea’s on his side, to make up for what Adam did to his family.  She says she also wants to see a happy ending or true love win or something, I wasn’t listening.

 

Abby tells Tyler he says he’s through with Mariah, but she’ll get in trouble again and he’ll come running.  He feels like he needs to save her.  Abby can’t live like that.  She gives him his ring back and leaves.

 

Now that Sharon’s gotten her way about doing something stupid, they have a romantic dinner.  Nick pretends he’s an Italian chef who has microwaved pizza and served beer in wine glasses.  They make out.

 

Victor tries to convince Victoria to move back to the ranch so she can have servants and stuff.  Sounds good to me, but she declines.  They are affectionate with each other.  He’s leaving but adds that Dr. Rayburn is a heck of a nice guy.  “Just saying.”  LOL at Victor Newman saying, “Just saying.”

 

Kevin’s on the phone.  He tells someone not to talk to Detective Harding about something.  He’s so tempted by the GCPD database.  He types in Benjamin Rayburn.

 

Stitch asks if Kelly would really destroy everything he’s built.  Yes, because Jack Abbott is the best thing that’s happened to her in a long time.  Plus she thinks he’s playing with fire by keeping a secret.  He agrees.  He looks off into the distance and gives a pretty bad speech about how he cares about Victoria..and he’s going to tell her The Truth.

 

Altruistic Billy says he wants another chance with Victoria and hopes he can find a way to love the baby if it isn’t his.  It would be a lot easier if he can just convince Stitch to take a hike.  I mean, what does the baby’s real father need to be hanging around for, amiright?  With Billy finding a way to love it instead, and all.  Chelsea says no plotting in front of Connor.  He has enough problems.

 

Adam’s Hand reaches out to touch Connor on the nanny cam screen.

 

Dear God, these people were exhausting today.

Edited May 31, 2014 by peach

[Joimiaroxeu]

His eyebrows look glued on.

And I hate to say it but his "hair" looks like it's tattooed on. Apparently that's a thing now in Hollywood.

 

Ever the charmer, Billy says he’s surprised she doesn’t have a little black book.  Why stop with Stitch when she could have the whole town? 

Right. Billy just called the possible mother of his next child a ho. Ever so much the charmer.

[LeftPhalange]

 

Adam’s Hand reaches out to touch Connor on the nanny cam screen.

 

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Adam and think he's being noble by abandoning his child and letting his wife think he's dead? Are we supposed to think he's a good father because he's spying on them from afar?

[peacheslatour]

I think he was horribly disfigured in the "accident", requiring extensive plastic surgery thus explaining why he looks like a totally different actor- I mean person.

[peach]

And I hate to say it but his "hair" looks like it's tattooed on. Apparently that's a thing now in Hollywood.

 

Right. Billy just called the possible mother of his next child a ho. Ever so much the charmer.

Tattooed hair?  That sounds painful!  His eyebrows kind of look like the peel'n'stick variety.  For a manga character.

 

I'm so sick of the narrative being how charming Billy is and that's what makes him lovable.  He's such a jerk.  And this show is so sexist.  That should have been the END of that conversation, but Vicky just takes it.  And he's so freaking narcissistic that he thinks he can just "accept" Stitch's baby, and Stitch will just disappear.

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Adam and think he's being noble by abandoning his child and letting his wife think he's dead? Are we supposed to think he's a good father because he's spying on them from afar?

 IKR?  It's not like he couldn't just go to a country that won't extradite him and contact them from there.  But how else can he sneak back into GC as someone else?

Edited May 31, 2014 by peach

[Snaporaz]

 

She says she accepted Johnny.  Oh, yeah, that.  He says she had just as much trouble as he’s having now.

My memory may be fuzzy, or Billy's a dolt, but I don't think Victoria had any trouble at all accepting Johnny.  Her only "trouble" in that situation was worrying whether Chelsea would go through with the adoption.

 

 

Also, Vicky needs to invest in a medicine cabinet.

Hee!  This is only one example of you writing what I was thinking!  Who keeps their vitamins in the living room?

 

 

Are we supposed to feel sorry for Adam and think he's being noble by abandoning his child and letting his wife think he's dead?

He was totally pissed at Sharon when she let everyone think she was dead.

[Lamplighter]

 

She says how fair is it to Victoria to get involved with man that doesn’t even exist?

So Stitch is Don Draper?  

 

Oi.  

[peach]

Mon, June 2, 2014
Avery’s setting up for another dumb cooking show.  She’s annoyed with Summer who is completely distracted by Austin instead of helping her out.  Avery is always super professional and never distracted by her distracting boyfriend.  Austin and Summer flirt and giggle.  She calls Summer over and asks, “What’s going on between you and Austin?” 

 

Sharon comes downstairs.  Nick’s made her a romantic breakfast after he took Faith to school.  Man, Sharon must take really long showers.  She says Nick might be the perfect man.  He thinks she might be right.  It’s all fancy bribery, though, because he wants to go with her to Portland to see Mariah. 

 

Tyler sits at the bar drinking scotch for breakfast and staring at Abby’s engagement ring.  Wow, that’s hardcore.  I’d go with a bloody mary.  Lily notices and asks him why that ring isn’t on Abby’s finger.  “I blew it,” says Tyler.

 

Cane’s come to see Colin.  Colin maintains that he thought Bonaventure was a good acquisition, and it wasn’t a setup.  Cane isn’t convinced.  Colin says perhaps he should swear on Samantha’s grave.  Cane doesn’t like that.  Then he mumbles about how a government prosecutor is prepared to put an innocent man in jail.  He’s deeply concerned.  The only thing that stands between Victor Newman and a federal indictment is Colin.  This is too stupid to comment on.

 

Colin assumes that Cane’s put his head on a silver server for Victor Newman.  Cane says he didn’t tell Victor, because he doesn’t have any reason NOT to believe him.  Colin’s impressed that Cane passed up the opportunity to be rewarded just by turning him over to Victor.  Cane says don’t make me regret it. 

 

Tyler’s shared his woes with Lily, and she’s not surprised at all that Abby dumped him.  He was running after his ex, duh.  Tyler makes his weak case for how it’s over with Mariah.  Lily explains how actions speak louder than words.  Plus she knows all about how important Mariah is to him, because he always told Lily how much she reminds him of Mariah.  “I mean, not how I look.”  Haha  Just certain other qualities they share.  This chick is a lying, stealing, tormenting, shrieking stalker.  So…   Tyler says his own stalkerish behavior was a long time ago, and it was just a passing infatuation with Lily. It was nothing compared to Abby.  Lily suggests maybe he cares more about Mariah than he’s willing to admit.

 

Nick’s obediently carrying Sharon’s bag downstairs while she explains why he’s not going with her.  He just cooks, drives, and carries the bags, got that?  She says he doesn’t need to worry about Mariah manipulating her, because she can’t, except for this entire trip that Sharon’s taking to see her.  Sharon says her eyes are wide open, and Nick needs to stay home for Faith.  He’s just glad she’s agreed to see Dr. Mead before she leaves.  Sharon thinks helping Mariah is a way to help herself.  “Something good is going to come of this.  You’ll see.”  He really has no choice because if Nick doesn’t agree to everything she says, she’ll accuse him of being controlling like Victor, and Nick would rather die first.

 

Tyler whines to Lily about how Mariah was a really big part of his life, and he couldn’t just leave her to rot.  He blames Nick for Abby breaking up with him, because apparently Nick would prefer Tyler was the sort of person who would just turn his back on Mariah.  Undoubtedly.  Lily says Abby has her own mind, and Tyler should be going after her, not whining and drinking his breakfast.   He says Lily is so right!  Cane walks up and says Lily is always right.  Gag.  Tyler’s going to take Lily’s advice after he works off his booze at the gym.  Oh, and it’s Lily’s birthday.  Cane flirts with Lily about her birthday surprise.

 

Avery tells Summer that she’s her aunt, and she’s concerned about her.  Summer says don’t be.  Leslie arrives and gets a very chilly reception from Summer.  I hope Leslie’s not going to court in this dress with the cleavage cutout.  She and Avery go in the other room to get some files.  Austin asks Summer what the issue is.  It’s that Leslie defended Ian and got him back on the streets.  Austin shares Summer’s disgust.  “Defense attorneys are the worst.  As long as the check clears, they don’t care what kind of scum they let back on the streets.”  Yeah, says Summer.  Aunt Avery, the defense attorney, overhears.   She’s like what did you just say?  Avery acts like no one’s ever said this before, in her own house.

 

Austin is happy to expand.  He’s just got a problem with lawyers that drive around in fancy sports cars they bought by keeping guilty people out of jail.  Leslie’s like, everyone deserves a fair trial.  They argue about what’s fair, and the law vs justice.  Austin doesn’t think justice was done in Ian’s case.  Summer agrees, and Avery gets super pissed, even though Avery was mad at Leslie over this VERY SAME THING the other day.  She wants to talk to Summer, ALONE, for having the wrong opinion.  Which you know would be Dylan’s exact same opinion, plus some rubbing of fists.

 

Dr. Mead makes a house call.  Sharon describes the fragments she’s remembered.  She tries to explain how she ALREADY knew that Jack was Summer’s father before the test results.  Instead of obviously connecting this to the damn Secret, Dr. Mead says ECT scrambles up your memories.  Dr. Mead really kind of sucks.  Sharon feels like she’s right on the edge of something, but that leaves her more confused and worried.  She’s scared to death of what she’s going to find when it all sorts itself out.

 

Tyler runs into Nick and yells at him for telling Abby to break off their engagement.  Nick’s like STFU, Tyler, you’re the reason Mariah came to town in the first place and ruined Sharon’s life, so don’t give me any grief for protecting Abby from more of the same.

 

Jill really is going to wear the heirloom necklace around all the time.  Colin tries being affectionate, but she thinks he might have sticky fingers.  He’s like we don’t even know what it’s worth.  Wouldn’t you know it, an appraiser arrives.  She expects him to appraise it while she’s wearing it.  Okay, okay, she reluctantly takes it off, slapping Colin’s hands away, and the appraiser does a lot of hmmming.

 

Avery lets Summer have it for agreeing with Austin instead of her.  She does that thing where you tell a teenager to form their own opinions and then yell at them if they’re different from yours, because nobody really means that.  She says Austin’s older than her, and they shouldn’t be getting involved.  They have the “I’m an adult” argument.  Avery says Summer’s mom would tell her the same thing, and then take Austin for herself.  Summer says “Well, you’re not my mom, so stop trying to act like it.”   Leslie looks on in dismay.  Austin says this probably isn’t a good time for the shoot, and he’ll come back later.  Avery is like fine, but then Summer, says good, let’s get of here, and leaves with the cute guy.  Avery’s upset.

 

Tyler claims he has nothing to do with Mariah terrorizing Sharon, in fact, it’s not even MARIAH’S fault, it’s all Victor Newman.  Poor, poor Mariah.  Nick’s like, get real, not only is she here because of you, Sharon’s now flying to Portland to see her, BECAUSE OF YOU!  He’s getting really mad, you guys.  Tyler’s like, oh, so that’s why you told Abby to break up with me?  Ugh, Tyler’s stupid.  Nick says he doesn’t think Abby should be with someone who can’t let go of his ex.  Tyler’s like you don’t know anything about this situation.  Nick’s like why don’t you enlighten me then and let me know what Sharon’s in for.

 

Sharon fills in Dr. Mead about the traffic ticket, and how it turns out it was the same night that Phyllis fell down the stairs and went into a coma.  Dr. Mead says how does that make you feel?  Lol  Sharon says, wellll, she’s sorry about the pain it causes Summer, etc, but I mean, she doesn’t really mind Phyllis being in a coma so much.  She says it’s not that she would wish that on….she gets a funny look on her face, like something’s coming back to her.  “Sharon?” prods Dr. Mead.  Sharon’s eyes bug out.

 

She says there was a flash of something…she’s getting frustrated because it’s like having a word on the tip of her tongue.  She wants to talk about it more when she gets back.  Dr. Mead is like, sooo, can you explain why you won’t cut ties with this young woman?  Sharon says it’s not because Mariah reminds her of Cassie.  It’s because she reminds her of herself.  They had a similar childhood, growing up poor without a father, etc.    Dr. Mead says it concerns her that Sharon so strongly identifies with someone capable of such disturbing behavior.  No kidding.  She promises to call Dr. Mead if anything upsets her.

 

Tyler whines to Nick that Mariah isn’t evil.  She’s just a scared girl who made mistakes, and is trying to get her life on track.  Nick’s like Mariah’s a girl who will do anything for a buck.  Tyler keeps defending Mariah, and Nick says are you still in love with this girl?  No!  Tyler only loves Abby, but Mariah’s all alone in the world blah blah blah.  He’s committed to Abby.

 

Lily’s black and white dress is pretty cool.  They flirt and blather about her birthday scavenger hunt.  Boy, he seems really f’ing worried about Victor Newman’s indictment right now.

 

The appraiser snap values the necklace at 18 MILLION dollars.  Colin asks, in current market value?  No, Colin, that’s the value in 1967.  He gives her notes to get it insured ASAP.   Jill goes on and on about how great Katherine was.  Sure she didn’t get 2 billion, like Devon, but this isn’t costume jewelry!  Colin can’t wait to sell it.  No way!  They’re going to have to keep living on love and beans, I guess, because Jill’s NOT selling it. 

 

Leslie says that Summer has a chip on her shoulder the size of Cleveland.  She asks what the deal is with this Austin guy besides his mouth, as if Leslie’s always been so polite about the dumb cooking show.  Avery says he’s been nice and professional until today.  She thinks this thing with him and Summer is getting out of hand.  She tries to fill Phyllis’s shoes looking after Summer, and she overreacted to the flirting.  She tells Leslie about the “threatening” internet comments, and that they are bothering her.  A lot.  Because Avery’s only happy when everyone says she’s perfect.  The stress is why she snapped at Summer. 

 

Summer and Austin go to his apartment.  He apologizes for having a big mouth and not keeping his opinions to himself.  Summer doesn’t mind because she’s always the peacemaker in her family and never says her opinions.  What?  She doesn’t?  She says with her mom, there was always some peace that needed to be kept.  Austin says that sounds…exhausting.  Wow, it’s like he knows.  He offers Summer a beer, and she hesitates.  He’s like, wait, how old are you again?  She’s like I bet you think I’m a child like everyone else does.  No.  He doesn’t think she’s a child.  But is she legal?  His eyes smolder.

 

Tyler leaves Abby a voicemail again.  He is NOT giving up on them. Then he gets a text from Mariah.  “Jail Sux.  What if I never get out?  I need you Ty.”  Wait.  Can you do that??  Can you text from jail?  And she thinks it sux?  I bet she can get Netflix, too.

 

Nick tells Sharon he talked to Tyler about Mariah.  He says Mariah was totally relied on Tyler alone, and without him she freaked out.  Sharon understands THAT.  So now Mariah’s looking for another person to lean on forever.  He says if she goes on this trip she might open a door she regrets opening.  Sharon assures Nick yet again that she can handle Mariah, and her car’s arrived to take her to the airport.

 

Jill thinks the necklace represents Katherine, who gave 2 billion dollars to someone else, and she’s not willing to part with it.  Colin’s like, hey!  Some really bad people are after me!  They want their money!  Well, that’s his problem, but Jill says she promises they will find another solution to that.  She wants him to sign some made up document that they can only sell the necklace if they both agree, and she does not agree.  He resists, but she says to sign it, or she will give the damn thing to charity!  Wouldn't they both have to agree?  Oy.  One, I don’t see a notary anywhere, and two, he probably signed “Mickey Mouse.”  She goes off to put it “in a safe place” which is hopefully an actual safe.  Colin calls the bad guy he owes money to and says he’s got a solution to their problem, and he needs him to come over and steal it.  What kind of con artist are you, Colin?  You don’t plan a jewelry theft without having it insured.  Then the bad guy gets the necklace, and you get the insurance money.  Everybody knows that.

 

Cane and Lily, elaborate scavenger hunt, he gives her earrings, kissing.

 

Nick’s a little annoyed that Sharon isn’t letting him drive her to the airport.  But he [has no choice] trusts her. They agree that the plan is for her to go to Portland, get Mariah a lawyer, and then be done with it.  Like that’s gonna happen.  Love, kiss, bye.

 

Summer says everyone else thinks she’s a child, and she’s sort of been acting like one with Jack over Kelly.  But Jack doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, and maybe neither should she.  Maybe, she should prove she’s not a child and that she’s a woman.  Austin seems to think that’s a great idea.  They kiss passionately.

 

Leslie’s leaving, and Avery mentions that Dylan is in Idaho getting information from Ian’s ex-wife, Willa.  Brilliant strategy, telling Ian’s lawyer that.  Avery thinks maybe Dylan is right about Ian being behind the threatening internet comments that don’t actually threaten anyone.  Leslie says sometimes she wishes she wasn’t so good at her job.  “Yeah, me too,” says Avery.   Maybe Leslie can defend him for stalking you, Avery, and you won't mind because the Constitution.  She goes back to her computer, and ding!  She has another comment from 4MJ.  “Who are you?” wonders Avery.

 

Summer and Austin are making out.  She really wants to prove the woman thing, so she asks Austin to make love to her.  Omg, Summer, you haven’t even been on a date with him.  They kiss more, and her backside  brushes against his open laptop…we see the screen come up, and the show ignores the time space continuum again, so we see the message to Avery, even though he was with Summer the whole time.  “Revenge is a dish best served cold, like a delicious key lime pie.”

 

Austin is 4MJ.

[peach]

Tue, Jun 3
Hey, it’s Adam’s Hand.  It usually doesn’t show up til the end of the episode.  His Hand watches Connor on the nanny cam.  It sounds like Connor is trying to say Da Da.  A nanny cam in the living room would have been a whole lot more interesting.

 

Victoria barges in at Chelsea’s.  She tells Chelsea she spilled the whole story about her pregnancy to Billy, so now he knows.  Moral Compass Chelsea is glad to hear it.  She knows how secrets blow up in your face, and she just thinks that Billy deserves…  Victoria sarcastically says Billy deserves what?  A punch in the mouth, most of the time.

 

Stitch is actually doing some doctoring at the hospital.  He thinks back to when he told Kelly he was going to tell Victoria the Truth About His Past.   He leaves Vicky a voicemail saying they need to talk.  Billy strolls in.  He’s acting all tough and says they need to talk about how they’re going to get through the next few weeks until they find out who’s the father of the baby.  If you’re going to glare and act tough, Billy, don’t put enough gel in your hair to look like a Kewpie doll.

 

Avery reads 4MJ’s latest creepy message:  Revenge is a dish best served cold, like a delicious key lime pie.  Well, at least he said the pie was delicious.  She jumps when the phone rings.  It’s Dylan.  He hasn’t spoken to Willa yet.  She lies and says everything’s fine, she’s just anxious for him to get back.

 

Summer and Austin are making out in front of his computer and the 4MJ message.  He asks if she’s sure about this, and she reminds him again that she’s not a kid.   “Make love to me and make me forget about everything else.”  Those are definitely some Genoa City grownup coping skills right there.

 

Lily gazes at her birthday earrings.  Kelly stops by in a GCRB dress.  Lily says all her French themed gifts from Cane are a hint about the real gift, which is a trip to Paris.  Okay, I didn’t recap all of that boringness yesterday, but that is NOT what he said.  Lily says that maybe Kelly and Jack should take a trip like that.  Kelly’s like, well, she’s not ready for that, which is why she didn’t go to London.  It’s not even like they’re in a Real Relationship yet.  Lily thinks that’s a little dumb, and says then what do you call it?  Neil stops by with a birthday gift for Lily.  She calmly says thank you, but what she would really like is for him to end things with Hilary.  That’s probably not what’s in the box.

 

Devon’s doing bicep curls in a frenzy, of sexual frustration I guess, while Hilary watches.  He gets so carried away he drops his weight and injures himself.  Hilary rushes over. “Devon!!”  He’s like, yo, I’m fine.  She says she wishes he wouldn’t  do that.  “You’re pushing yourself too hard.  And I know why.”  Ugh, go away.

 

Victoria challenges Chelsea again about what it is that Billy deserves.  Chelsea says…to be happy.  He hasn’t been happy in a long time.  I mean, who cares if Victoria is happy?  Victoria says they have ADAM to thank for that.  Well, yeah, Delia’s death may be what started it, but obviously it’s Victoria’s pregnancy and everything with Stitch that’s the problem now, and it’s probably driving poor Billy crazy.  Yep, Adam killing a child is not that big a deal compared to Victoria getting pregnant.  Victoria’s like what makes you think you know Billy sooo well?  And gee, you’ve been spending a lot of time with him.  Chelsea snarks that Billy needs someone to talk to since Vicky kicked him out of the house.  Omg, FOR CHEATING ON HER after all the other crap he’s done. 

 

Chelsea’s GLAD to be there for Billy, because of his and Chloe’s sacrifice for Connor.  Because Billy and Chloe lost their daughter, Victoria, and Billy might lose her, and Billy might lose his chance to be a father again.  Poor, poor Billy.  Victoria hasn’t lost shit, except for her stepdaughter and faithfulness from her husband.  Chelsea says she feels guilty every single day for what she has and Billy doesn’t.  I guess that’s why she’s projecting all her crap on Vicky, then. 

 

She says she couldn’t save Chloe, so she’s trying to save Billy’s marriage instead.  Remember that, you guys, how Chelsea tried to SAVE Chloe, by taking out restraining orders and cutting her out of the business and defending Adam?  Victoria says nice speech, but she doesn’t believe a word of it.  Once a con, always a con.  Chelsea gets mad and says they really aren’t friends.  Nope.  Victoria says stay away from her husband. 

 

Billy and Stitch argue about not causing stress for Victoria.  Billy’s introducing a new, one eyed squint.  Stitch counters with the probably the best smirk in town.  They argue about who’s probably the father of the baby.  Billy says Stitch may be a doctor, but he’s a gambler, and he knows odds.   Also, delusions of beating the house.  He likes his chances of ending up with Victoria.

 

Austin starts unbuttoning Summer’s shirt, and she balks a little.  Then she says it’s fine, and they kiss again.  Austin stops and asks if this is her first time.  NO!  Of course not.  Well, okay, it is.  For a stalker, he seems okay, because he doesn’t think this should be her first time, in some guy’s dirty studio apartment where he drinks beer in the middle of the day.  No, Summer says, she’s waited for it to be perfect, and this is it.  She wants it to be him.  They kiss some more, but then he notices the computer message behind her and has a change of heart.  He says he’s sorry, but he can’t do this.  Summer frowns.

 

Avery is storming down the hallway of the GCAC.    Ian opens his door and a young woman walks out of his room with his cult book.  She tells Ian she knows exactly what he’s up to, and he’s not going to get away with it. He’s amused by her ranting, while she accuses him of hiding behind “4MJ” to threaten her.  He laughs and says why would I do that?  He’s pretty up front with that kind of thing.  Avery thinks it’s to torment them until they pay him to go away, and it won’t work. He just hates that she’s distraught and worries about her. This is naturally rage-inducing.

 

Summer frowny pouts about Austin stopping.  Is it because she’s a virgin or because he’s not into her?  He’s TOTALLY into her, and if things were different… Summer asks what things?  Oh, I’m stalking your aunt.  He says it doesn’t matter.  For a stalker, he has a heck of a conscience, because he’s feeling really guilty while Summer insists she knows and trusts him.  He says but he could be some complete psycho!  She says she knows he isn’t.  Awk-ward.

 

Neil is trying to make nice with Lily on her birthday.  Kelly tries to be peacemaker.  Lily thinks Hilary must have picked out the gift and rejects it.  Kelly leaves, and Neil points out that Lily is friends with HER even though she’s partially responsible for wrecking Billy’s marriage, and now she’s with Jack.  Lily says Kelly is SORRY for what she did. Ah ha!  Then why can’t she offer Hilary the same consideration, which is like comparing speeding to a drunk driving accident.

 

Hilary tells Devon she knows he’s frustrated about her being with Neil, and he’s like, I have better things to think about.  She defends her relationship, they argue, he brings up Mason, and she says that was a mistake.  He almost says his mistake was to [fall for her], but instead says he doesn’t want to talk about it.  He has a boo boo on his foot from dropping the weight and tries to hobble away.  But Hilary insists it’s broken and takes him to the hospital because Devon has no other options in his own place of business.

 

Victoria and Chelsea argue about whether Chelsea’s good for Billy and what her true intentions are.  Chelsea’s like, if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t even know you’re pregnant!  I thought she didn’t want credit for that?  Vicky’s like, listen, dummy, if it turns out to be Billy’s baby, he never needed to know that Stitch could have been the father.  Blah blah about Chelsea, Victoria starts to leave, and Chelsea says, do you think I want Billy for myself?   Of course, Billy is at the door listening.

 

Billy likes being the center of attention.  Victoria says she’s feeling less stressed now that things are in the open.  Billy brags about how he’s not going to be the one stressing her out, not like Stitch. Vicky’s like he's concerned about her too.  She’s leaving and asks if Billy wants to walk her out. Nope, he’ll just catch up with her later.  Seriously, show?  Victoria’s surprised.  She leaves, and Chelsea says she’s glad she can help get them back together (which isn't really working, is it?) and that her part is done.  Not so fast.  Billy wants her help in getting Stitch out of Victoria’s life for good.  Ugh, he’s selfish.

 

Speaking of selfish, a henchman brings Adam’s Hand some surveillance photos of Chelsea and Connor.

 

Lily tells Neil he can’t compare Kelly’s one night stand to Hilary tormenting their family for months.  Neil says, then what about Cane?  He was a lying POS, and Neil was so sure he was wrong for Lily.  Lily says, but you WERE wrong.  Neil says so are you.  He gave Cane a chance because he wanted her to be happy, why can’t she do the same for him?  Lily doesn’t really have an answer, but then Hilary calls from the hospital because wittle Devon is hurt.  What is Neil going to do about it?  He turns to tell Lily but she’s gone, and left her gift behind unopened.

 

Austin is still rejecting Summer, saying it’s not part of the plan.  She’s like, what plan?  Um, uh, it’s because this is a short term assignment, and then he’ll be gone, so they shouldn’t get involved.  Summer disagrees.  Avery’s show is a hit, and he’ll probably be there for a long time!  Austin thinks not if Avery has anything to say about it.  Summer’s made it clear that she’s not INNOCENT, and doesn’t need protecting, and gets closer.  Austin’s got some serious willpower.

 

Avery and Ian argue some more.  She yells about how his mind games aren’t going to work on her, while she’s screaming in his hotel suite.  He says she must be something in the court room.  Doubtful, because her idea of “proof” of what he’s doing is to read him three dumb messages off of her phone.  He says someone must have struck a nerve and thinks she’s wronged them and wants to make it right.

 

He evil grins at her while she says there is nothing in her past that… she stops short.  She says, wait, this is what he does, he gets people to lose their cool, lose themselves.  He starts hypnotizing her with his Ian talk.  “Sometimes we hide our guilt so deep down inside that we forget it’s even there, and then something happens to bring it all to the surface…. You have to shed all this emotional armor you’ve been carrying around for years, and look into your heart, and your memory, and your conscience.  And that can be a terrifying thing to do alone.  But with the right guide…”  He touches her and that snaps her out of it.  She tells him to go to hell, and races out the door.  He creepy smiles with satisfaction, while she is clearly shaken up out in the hallway.

 

Austin now says he can’t mess around with Summer because he has editing to do or he’ll lose his job.  He just reminded me of Chandler Bing for a second.  She acts sultry with him and says she can wait if he can.  They kiss, and she leaves.   He goes to his laptop and villain stares into the distance.

 

Victoria literally runs into Stitch at the hospital.  He asks how it went with Billy.  She’s surprised to find out Billy’s seen Stitch since he didn’t mention it.  Stitch says Billy’s quite confident he’ll end up with Victoria no matter what.  Victoria’s like, yeah, he is.  Stitch asks if Billy knows something he doesn’t.

 

Chelsea tells Billy that Victoria is never going to listen to HER about Stitch.  Billy says he knows Stitch is a phony, and not to take this the wrong way, but it takes a con to catch a con.

 

Avery’s so flustered she dumps out her purse in the club lobby.  Kelly helps her and they introduce themselves.  Summer comes in and acts all frowny and awkward.  She says she’ll talk to Avery later.  Avery realizes Kelly is “the other woman” to comatose Phyllis, but she understands that Jack should be happy.  Avery leaves to find Summer.

 

Hilary is complaining that Devon has to wait more than 30 minutes in the ER.  He tells her she doesn’t need to stay, but she just feels so responsible for him throwing weights around like an idiot.  They have  a dumb conversation about wishes and she asks him if he could have just ONE wish what would it be?  They stare at each other.  Is this a moment?  Neil walks in.  Why in the hell does Devon need babysitters in the hospital?

 

Stitch asks if Billy’s hassling Victoria.  She says yes, but he can’t help it.  Billy wants what he wants when he wants it.  If he can’t have it, he wants it even more.  Billy’s a toddler, basically.  Stitch says that isn’t good for Victoria.  She knew Stitch would understand.  She says he’s right, she needs stability instead of someone else’s baggage.  He excuses himself, but she asks what he wanted to talk to her about.  Hmm, not a good time to bring up his baggage.

 

Billy annoyingly tries to convince Chelsea she’s a great con artist, and he needs her help to get past Stitch’s squeaky clean record.  Sure, he’s a doctor, and a war hero, and he volunteers at the free clinic…but his wife DUMPED him.  SO DID YOURS!  If they find his deep, dark secret, then Victoria will kick him out of her life even if he’s the father of the baby.  Chelsea’s forgotten ALL ABOUT her dedication to real fathers of babies and has a sly idea to get his family back.

 

Speaking of getting families back, Adam’s Hand strokes his picture of Connor.  The henchman says he’ll bring more pictures next week, and it won’t be long before he sees them in person.  Omg, is Connor going to get kidnapped AGAIN?

 

Avery finds Summer in the gym.  They talk about how Jack is sleeping with Kelly.  Summer says she guesses it’s part of growing up, having to accept what you can’t change.  But she CAN control herself, and she will be with Austin if she wants to.  Avery agrees that it’s Summer’s choice/mistake to make.  She just doesn’t want to see her get hurt.  Of course Summer won’t get hurt.

 

Austin is busy typing a new message from 4MJ.  “You claim to work for justice.  Don’t look now, but justice is about to be served.”  Way to give yourself away, Austin.  Besides, the big buildup will probably lead to Austin throwing a glass of red wine on her white shirt in public or something.  That’ll show her.

 

Lily and Kelly discuss the event schedule.  Kelly brings up the Fathers Day Brunch.  I bet that’s a confusing event.  She finally gets Lily to open Neil’s gift.  It’s a beautiful, beaded bag.  She likes it, but says if Hilary picked it out, she’s returning it.  She reads the card, though, and Neil writes he thought it was just the kind of thing her MOM would have chosen for her.  Lily’s suitably moved by that.

 

Neil is so grateful to Hilary for taking “this kid” to the hospital, like he’s 15.  He gets a little lecture about how to lift weights and walk and stuff.  Neil sure hopes he didn’t give Hilary a hard time about their relationship, because she came TO HIS RESCUE.  Then Neil and Hilary LEAVE.  LOL!  So Devon needs a ride TO the hospital, but Daddy and his girlfriend just leave him there.  See ya!  Here’s some change for the bus.

 

Stitch tells Victoria he’s really going to give her space this time.  He gets it, and he’s going to leave her alone.  Ha, that always works.  She says wait, she can’t do this alone after all.  They tenderly embrace to soft music, and he says she is not alone.  She says it feels so good to hear him say that.

 

Chelsea and Billy continue plotting.  Chelsea thinks Billy’s plotting has generally sucked.  She’s going for gold…Stitch’s ex-wife.  They smirk at each other confidently.

[peacheslatour]

 

Avery’s show is a hit,

Yeah, if they ever get around to, oh I don't know....actually FILMING any of it.

 

He gets a little lecture about how to lift weights and walk and stuff.

...tie his shoes, ride his tricycle, use the potty....

[Joimiaroxeu]

Neil is so grateful to Hilary for taking “this kid” to the hospital, like he’s 15.

Ugh, I don't know who was more insufferable in that series of scenes, Hilary or Neil. Hilary apparently thinks the world revolves around her now and Neil's got this old dog trying to school the young pup thing going on with Devon. Not a good look for either of them.

[LeftPhalange]

Recap: Another filler episode. 

[Snaporaz]

 

Kelly stops by in a GCRB dress.

I wonder if they've started to run out of the GCRB fabric, so they picked up some purple fabric in the sale bin.  Now, I'm beginning to see purple pop up everywhere.  I think Avery was wearing it yesterday, and it's the same color that Tyler wears often.

Also, did anyone notice that Chelsea's nail polish matched Billy's shirt?  

 

WTF is wrong with me?  I never noticed crap like this before.  But there's not much else going on to pay attention to.   :>/

[peacheslatour]

 

I wonder if they've started to run out of the GCRB fabric,

Jill was wearing it today.  As for the purple I noticed both Ian Ward and Victor were wearing purple (lavender) ties.

[peach]

Wed, June 4, 2014  Much Ado About Nothing  Shortcap
Nick is yelling and pounding on Nikki’s hotel room door.  She comes down the hall and asks him what’s going on.  She was just buying shampoo, what is his deal?  He doesn’t want her staying at the hotel because Ian Ward is there.  They talk about him seeing Victor at Cassie’s grave, and he still wouldn’t apologize.  Sharon’s Secret, blah blah.  Nick will never forgive him.  Nikki shows him the newspaper that says he has to pay a fine, for the company that almost killed Summer, says Nick.  Nikki tries to guilt Nick by saying Victor might go to prison.  And after everything he and Victor have been through, the last straw is about Sharon.  Yeah, blame Sharon.  Nick says the last straw is about VICTOR, and he always has another dirty move up his sleeve.

 

Avery confronts Victor at the club.  She knows he’s up to something with Dylan.  She asks just how illegal is their plan?  Blah blah. Victor doesn’t give up any information.  Avery surprises Victor by saying she doesn’t want to STOP Dylan.  She wants Ian Ward handled like the slime that he is.  Blah blah he’s a menace.  She wants to make sure Dylan isn’t Victor’s scapegoat, though.  Victor says Dylan can take care of himself, etc. 

 

Nikki joins Victor, Nick walks Avery out to the park.  Nikki confronts him about the federal case against  him.  She thinks he should confide in her.  Reporters rush their table asking questions and taking photos.  Nikki stands up and defends him.  Ugh, Nikki.  Victor tells them to GETOUT!  They go up to her suite.  Victor says maybe he should have Nikki handle all this stuff.  Blah blah.  Nikki thinks this Bonaventure thing is the biggest deal ever.  Victor says, “Nothing will break me.”

 

They talk Victoria’s pregnancy.  Wait, when did Nikki find out?  He’s supporting Victoria.  But she worries that Nick will never forgive Victor.  He says the question is will HE forgive Nick?  Nick grew up in paradise with a silver spoon and now he has the nerve to get mad about him driving Sharon crazy with their fake dead kid???  He’ll get over it.  Yes, let’s blame Sharon and Nick for everything.  The main thing is nothing will ever undo the bond between parents of the year, Victor and Nikki.  They kiss.  She weeps. Well, that didn’t take long.   He says thank you for understanding me.  She understands, she just doesn’t always agree.  Like it matters.  All he needs now is for her to come home.

 

With Sharon gone, Nick is going around town protecting all the other women, I guess.  He tells Avery he doesn’t want her around Ian Ward either.  She confesses that Ian got to her because it’s true, she hasn’t always been a decent person.   Ian knows how to exploit people’s guilt and shame.  Nick says not to let him get to her.  She tells him about 4MJ.  Nick frowns.  Avery can’t tell Dylan this, but she’s really scared.  Nick’s like maybe you could block that person.  DUH!  She’ll figure it out.  Nick says, because you’re you.  Ding!  She gets another message.  Nick agrees it’s creepy.  They hug.

 

Michael and Lauren visit Kevin at the station and try to get  him to go to dinner.  He just wants to keep busy with work until he hears from Chloe and gets to fly out to California to visit her.  She sends him a message right then that says she’s sorry, but she won’t be calling and this will be their only communication.  Lauren reads it.  Chloe says he can’t come visit, and by the way, she’s never coming back.  She wants to get well and have a life without Delia, and she wants him to have a life after her.  Move on.  He needs a tshirt that says, My wife went to the mental hospital and all I got was this lousy email.  

 

Kevin freaks out and thinks the doctors are messing with her head and making her do this.  He has to get to California and bring her back!  He says there’s no way she’s done with him after they way they left things.  Lauren tells him maybe that wasn’t a new beginning, it was Chloe saying goodbye.  Kevin won’t listen and says he’s flying out to Cali ASAP.  They try to convince him to give it up and go have dinner with them.  He’s like I better learn how to be alone now.  He leaves.  Michael wants to go after him, but Lauren says he’s stronger than Michael gives him credit for.  He’s strong enough to smash his cell phone in the elevator, in fact.

 

Colin gets a text that says “$$$$ NOW. OR ELSE.”  Jill’s wearing a GCRB dress to match her legacy necklace.  Because I would sure wear 18 million dollars of rocks to the GCAC.  The necklace breaks, probably because it was made in China.  Jill runs to get pliers to fix it, wth?  And then Lily and Cane burst in the door with the kids because it’s an emergency.  Charlie has a bad rash and needs to go to the hospital, so they need them to watch Mattie.  Colin plays with the kid, and Jill tinkers with an 18 MILLION dollar necklace.  Esther comes in and hears the necklace story.  Sad conversation about Chloe, and Jill says she’ll be back.  Colin and Jill love the kids.  They play hide and seek.  Colin gets them all to hide so he can call the bad guy and say he’s going to get the money back that he used to spread through Bonaventure.  He holds the stupid necklace in his hand.  Then he goes off to find the others.

 

Cane and Lily worry at the hospital.  It’s poison ivy.  Only Lily would take a child to the hospital for poison ivy.  He thinks they can still have a romantic evening by taking poison ivy kid to spend the night at Jill’s too.  She asks Cane if he’s out of his mind.  Blah blah Grandpa Colin’s great.  Blah blah Bonaventure.  Cane says there’s no payoff for that being a setup.  Lily says revenge is the payoff.  Blah blah, they’re taking the kids home.  They pick up Matty.  Colin and Jill laugh about never finding Esther.  Haha.  Jill sees her necklace box EMPTY.  “You took my necklace?” she gasps.

[SweePea59]

The main thing is nothing will ever undo the bond between parents of the year, Victor and Nikki.  They kiss.  She weeps. Well, that didn’t take long.   He says thank you for understanding me.  She understands, she just doesn’t always agree.  Like it matters.  All he needs now is for her to come home.

 

And after he said that to Nikki, old AssPaw got up and wandered out the door. At which point I was expecting a Silver Alert to scroll across the bottom of my screen.

[peacheslatour]

 

Jill sees her necklace box EMPTY.

Aaarrgghhhh  what kind of an IDIOT leaves a necklace worth 18 MILLION dollars just lying around the house??  She doesn't trust banks, but she does trust known thief and con artist Colin around this thing because he signed some lame piece of paper???  Are you fucking kidding me?  Thanks, Show.  I think you gave me an embolism.

[pearlite]

Aaarrgghhhh  what kind of an IDIOT leaves a necklace worth 18 MILLION dollars just lying around the house??  She doesn't trust banks, but she does trust known thief and con artist Colin around this thing because he signed some lame piece of paper???  Are you fucking kidding me?  Thanks, Show.  I think you gave me an embolism.

Okay, I hate to join in the "writers are all idiots" thing, but enough is enough. Jill? You came up from virtually nothing--you're street-smart. And I know, it's a soap, and especially, it's current Y & R, so you've got to FALL for the guy, but, good heavens!

[Snaporaz]

Someone in the other thread suggested that perhaps Jill set up the whole necklace in the chandelier thing to trap/test Colin and the necklace is a fake.  Could that really be it?  I mean, the damn thing broke, Jill tried to fix it herself, WITH PLIERS!!, and then she just leaves it lying around with her criminal husband roaming the house?  Or did Maddy take it?  Please let Maddy have taken it.  Otherwise, that would mean the fucking music box mystery has NOT been solved.

 

Did Nikki have to get a purchase order approved by Victor before she bought that shampoo?

 

I take back my previous post about running out of GCRB fabric.  I wrote that before I'd seen Jill's dress in today's episode.

[miamama]

He needs a tshirt that says, My wife went to the mental hospital and all I got was this lousy email.

 

lol.

 

The whole nonsense with Devon and the hospital. Are they serious? A grown man is rushed to hospital with a little foot injury -- a billionaire who could go have it x-rayed at his leisure, no less -- and then daddy has to be called? It's asinine. Why don't they think of optics. He already looks 12. Babying him does not help. And Hillary felt sooooo guilty for causing this catastrophic injury that she had to WAIT with him for the doctor. Make this shit stop.

Edited June 5, 2014 by miamama

[peach]

Looking back, I think Hilary must have driven Devon to the hospital in his own car, and then called Neil to pick her up.  How Devon's supposed to drive back home with his broken foot, I don't know, but I guess Neil and Hilary had a sex date that wouldn't wait.  You know they weren't trying to get to work. 

 

But yeah, that was just nuts how Hilary came "to the rescue" of this "kid," Devon.  Especially since he owns the club and everyone there is his employee, including HIS SISTER, who was in the next room!  Devon could probably survive this crisis without the great Hilary.

[canucktvwatcher]

Okay, I hate to join in the "writers are all idiots" thing, but enough is enough. Jill? You came up from virtually nothing--you're street-smart. And I know, it's a soap, and especially, it's current Y & R, so you've got to FALL for the guy, but, good heavens!

The writers ARE idiots, though, that's the problem. When viewers are being expected to buy into ridiculous writing, it just adds to the shit sammich that's being served up. As soon as Jill set The Heart of The Ocean down on the table, I knew one of two things was going to happen: 1) We'd be treated to Celine Dion crooning "My Heart Will Go On" in the background, while we had a flashback scene of Jack and Rose, er, Colin and Jill, at the front of the Titanic, with Colin hoisting Jill up, or 2) The necklace would be stolen. Thankfully, we were spared the indignity of watching Colin and Jill reenact a scene from TITANIC, as well as listening to Celine Dion.

Spoiler Alert: Maddie took the necklace.

[canucktvwatcher]

Looking back, I think Hilary must have driven Devon to the hospital in his own car, and then called Neil to pick her up.  How Devon's supposed to drive back home with his broken foot, I don't know, but I guess Neil and Hilary had a sex date that wouldn't wait.  You know they weren't trying to get to work. 

 

But yeah, that was just nuts how Hilary came "to the rescue" of this "kid," Devon.  Especially since he owns the club and everyone there is his employee, including HIS SISTER, who was in the next room!  Devon could probably survive this crisis without the great Hilary.

Maybe it just goes to show what an asshole Miss Devon is to work for. As in, the guy broke toes, and not one of his employees gave a shit enough to check whether he was ok. And really, his "pumping iron" like a madman not only looked stupid, but it was dangerous. No wonder the silly douche dropped the weight on his foot. Anyways, piss on Devon. Between his self-righteous arrogance and mopey hand wringing because Hilary didn't pick him and is instead getting to know Kneel in the biblical way, often, he's just incorrigible.

Also, fuck Lily. What a phony bitch she is. She's all Team Kelly and can forgive her and overlook what she did, even to the point of giving her Lady Date Pointers and helping her pick lingerie, but she can't even begin to forgive Hilary? Pfffft. Hypocrite!

Honestly, the whole Winters family is ff worthy right now. It's almost like they're becoming so aware of each others' shortcomings and phoniness that they can't stand to be around one another.

[marshmallow]

 

They talk Victoria’s pregnancy.  Wait, when did Nikki find out?

 

Seriously, show.  Instead of watching Vicki talk to her mother about her pregnancy, with her fears about carrying the pregnancy, and the paternity of the child, we get to watch Nick stalk his caveman self around town protecting all the women, Lily throwing her 1,000th hissy fit of the day, and Jill and Colin playing hide and seek.

[pearlite]

Oh, you had to go there, didn't you? (-:

Maybe the writers think they're making smart references to EB's role in Titanic... Problem is, the minute I hear Celine's name and that song [which I try to keep nameless], I immediately remember hearing it while standing in the produce department of a grocery store, eyeing turnips. Then I get stuck with an earworm.

The writers ARE idiots, though, that's the problem. When viewers are being expected to buy into ridiculous writing, it just adds to the shit sammich that's being served up. As soon as Jill set The Heart of The Ocean down on the table, I knew one of two things was going to happen: 1) We'd be treated to Celine Dion crooning "My Heart Will Go On" in the background, while we had a flashback scene of Jack and Rose, er, Colin and Jill, at the front of the Titanic, with Colin hoisting Jill up, or 2) The necklace would be stolen. Thankfully, we were spared the indignity of watching Colin and Jill reenact a scene from TITANIC, as well as listening to Celine Dion.

Spoiler Alert: Maddie took the necklace.

Yup, widdle Mehitabel's got itchy paws. Do you think there's a klepto-thing floating around Genoa City? Will Nookie and Pookie have to fight widdle M's criminal impulses?

[peacheslatour]

 

Honestly, the whole Winters family is ff worthy right now. It's almost like they're becoming so aware of each others' shortcomings and phoniness that they can't stand to be around one another.

These are the last people in the world who should own a building with that many bedrooms in it.  Although I guess for Lily and PurseyFace it doesn't matter- they'd just rut like a couple of wildebeests any where they happen to be.

 

(I know it looks like I spelled wildebeest wrong- but I checked.)

Edited June 5, 2014 by peacheslatour

[Joimiaroxeu]

Michael and Lauren visit Kevin at the station and try to get  him to go to dinner.

I know Michael is the former DA and everything but how is it that he and Lauren can go to Kevin's workplace and just stand around shooting the breeze? It'd be one thing if Kevin had his own office but there are other people around trying to work in that open space. Seems kinda rude.

 

Jill’s wearing a GCRB dress to match her legacy necklace.

She looked freakin' fantastic. GCRB is a good color for her.

[Suby]

I don't know what JW is doing, but she looks fabulous!  Mr. Suby even commented the same.

[SweePea59]

Well my guess was wrong. I thought that Grandpappy Dingo put the necklace in Maddy's backpack to smuggle it out of the house and retrieve later.

 

So who wears a backpack while playing hide and seek anyway?

[Suby]

Well my guess was wrong. I thought that Grandpappy Dingo put the necklace in Maddy's backpack to smuggle it out of the house and retrieve later.

 

So who wears a backpack while playing hide and seek anyway?

That is probably where Cane keeps all of his wigs.  Did you see him fondling Mattie's hair yesterday? I predict we will see Cane with curly hair next.

[peach]

Thur, June 5, 2014  They Argue
Newman horses eat grass.  Nick and Sharon are kissing in her doorway.  They’re so glad she’s back.  She says the trip went well, and the robbery victim dropped the charges.  Huh, after that expensive extradition, go figure.  Nick says that’s great, now Mariah is out of their lives forever.  And then she walks around the corner.  Nick is PISSED.  A crowd with pitchforks will probably be around soon.

 

Mariah tries to make nice with Nick.  Sharon must have given her a little miss innocent makeover because she’s not wearing flannel or black and has fancy little jewelry on and a nice girl ponytail.  Sharon has awesome 60’s hair that might be affecting her brain.  Mariah promises to pay Sharon back for the money she shelled out on her, “but it might take [forever] a little time to [steal] pull that kind of cash together.”  Nick’s like, awesome, but WHAT are you DOING HERE?  Sharon thought it would be best if Mariah stayed, and Nick is like NO f’ing way, not with Faith in the house. 

 

Sharon asks Nick if he’s done jumping to conclusions.  Mariah isn’t staying in the cottage, Sharon’s putting her up in a motel while she looks for a job.  Mariah thanks Sharon again, and leaves to go jobhunting.  Nick is like W.T.H.  Why isn’t she jobhunting in Portland?  Sharon says she suggested Mariah come back because she has a support system in GC.  Nick’s like YOU?  And Tyler?  They argue about Mariah.  Sharon thinks she’s remorseful.  Nick thinks she’s back to finish the job she started.  They argue about him protecting her.  Sharon distracts him with sex.  Works erry time.

 

Pillow talk ruined by talking about Mariah.  Sharon’s going to save her.  They talked on the plane, so everything’s fixed now.  Sharon must be GREAT at sex, because Nick says maybe Mariah can get a job bartending at The Underground if it’s still open.
Abby runs into Tyler in the park.  She glares.  He whines about her giving the ring back.  He blames Nick again, she blames him having feelings for Mariah.  Tyler says Mariah’s long gone, and there’s only one woman he feels like loving forever, and that’s her.  He grabs her and kisses her.  She responds at first and then pulls away.  “What part of we’re over don’t you understand?”  He says that kiss says it all.  They argue about Mariah.  She thinks Tyler is kidding himself if he thinks he will ever be free to move on from her.

 

Tyler begs Abby for a while.  They argue about thatwoman Mariah until she walks by.  “Hello, Tyler.”  Abby’s like THERE ya go.  Tyler yells that he doesn’t love her.  Mariah says she owes them both a big apology.  Abby says mission accomplished,  Mariah got what she wanted.  Abby can’t compete with a psycho.  Hmm. 

 

Mariah’s learned Sharon’s lingo and says she was in a bad place and was just acting out.  Blah blah she’s so sorry and Tyler loves Abby.  Abby’s like what angle are you working, like you’re working Sharon?  Mariah apologizes a whole bunch and promises not to interfere with Abby and Tyler ever again.  She asks Abby not to call off the wedding and leaves.  Tyler begs Abby to reconsider but she just can’t.  She walks away.  If Abby walks away from Tyler in a park, and there's no one there to hear it, does it still not matter?

 

Jill wants the cop in her living room to arrest Colin for stealing the necklace.  Colin says there’s no proof.  The cop leaves.  He doesn’t even get a line.  She begs Colin to tell her where it is.  They argue.  She searches him, and Lauren walks in thinking she’s seen something naughty and might be traumatized.  Jill tells Lauren the necklace story, and that Colin lifted it.  They argue more. She says he’s going to disappear and live off her inheritance.  “Only if you’re by my side, otherwise it’s an empty existence.”  He leaves, and Lauren’s like you’re not going to BELIEVE that, are you?

 

Lauren and Jill blah blah about Katherine.  Lauren asks how does Jill know that’s all there is to the music box?  Jill says she’s NOT going down THAT road again or she’ll quit the show, too.  Lauren can’t believe the necklace isn’t insured.  Jill was going to send in the check TODAY.  Why use the internet, right?  Blah blah Colin’s going to sell it.  Lauren says it’s Jill’s fault for falling in love with Colin.  She rubs it in a bit, and Jill says okay, I was a fool!  I fell in love with a terrible, terrible man!  Lauren comforts her.

 

Colin meets some shifty guy named Malone in the park.  He’s mad that Malone stole the necklace before Colin was ready.  Malone doesn’t have it.  Even shifty guys named Malone wear GCRB.  They argue about the necklace.  Malone says he bailed because there was a cop car there when he went to do the job.  He asks how do you know your old lady didn’t beat you to it?  Colin’s like dayum.

 

Neil and Hilary have coffee at Crimson Lights.  Again she says living with him is temporary.  She likes his kitchen, though.  He tries to make everything a freaking euphemism.  Hilary says they should be considerate of his kids’ feelings, which just disgusts him, and she’s glad they aren’t at the club.  It doesn’t work, though, because guess who just walked in!   Lily glares at Hilary like she planned not to be at the club ON PURPOSE.  Gosh, Mattie has pretty hair.  They discuss the poison ivy incident, and Neil wants to know why they didn’t call Grandpa Neil instead of Grandpa Colin.  Well, they couldn’t bother Grandpa Neil and his roomie, could they?  Hilary makes a classic mistake and talks about how much she would be willing and able to watch Lily’s kids.  Devon hobbles in, because everyone in the Winters family decided to go to Crimson Lights instead of the club this morning.  They’re like pack animals.

 

They argue about/with Hilary.  Lily tries to explain it like alcohol.  She’s addicted to thinking about how horrible Hilary is and what she did to them.  Mattie asks Hilary if she’s going to marry her grandpa.  Devon would like to hear the answer to that.  Hilary stammers and says they are just dating.  Devon stops the awkwardness with a cookie.  Devon says he knows it’s not going anywhere with Neil.

 

Lily and Neil argue about Hilary.  He says Hilary makes him smile.  She admits his birthday gift made her smile. 

 

Lily and Hilary argue about Neil.  Hilary says she does CARE about Neil.  Lily says then prove it.  WALK AWAY.  They argue ad nauseum.    Lily stomps off with Devon.  She finds Jill’s necklace in Mattie’s backpack and scolds Devon for spoiling the kids with real diamonds.  LOL.  He’s like, um, I didn’t do that.  Mattie says she found it.

 

Hilary tells Neil that Lily will NEVER be okay with their relationship.  Blah blah.  Hilary decides to cancel looking for an apartment and keep living with Neil.  He asks if this is just to prove something to Lily.  She’s realized that she can’t expect people to think this isn’t a rebound if she doesn’t treat their relationship like it isn’t a rebound.  She’s ready for a commitment.  Devon overhears and looks bummed out.

 

Colin’s come home to accuse Jill of stealing the necklace.  They argue.  Lauren says there has to be a logical reason as to how it disappeared.  In walks Lily with Mattie wearing the necklace.  Well, now, don’t they all feel silly.  Lily leaves, and Colin pushes for an apology.  She’s too bummed out about the whole thing.  “Baby, I’m so ashamed I immediately accused you” before you had a chance to really do it.  They kiss.

[miamama]

Thanks Peach. You are truly a hero for sitting through entire episodes. This show sucks balls. 

 

The roving Winters pack, the nonsensical Titanic necklace, Abby and Tyler, sourpuss Summer trying to sex up yet another out for revenge wackjob that the show will spend months trying to redeem later on, Malibu cop Barbie. I can't take it any more. I can barely get through recaps -- even Peach's magnificent ones.

[peacheslatour]

Seriously peach, thanks for taking another one for the team.  I don't know how you do it, but I applaud you.

[peach]

 

I can barely get through recaps -- even Peach's magnificent ones.

I can barely get through them either.  They're getting shorter because I can't recap the same conversation over and over.  Maybe shorter is better anyway.  Yesterday's probably should have been one paragraph.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Hilary makes a classic mistake and talks about how much she would be willing and able to watch Lily’s kids. 

I was kinda taken aback when Hilary said that. She knows Lily hates her and Lily pretty much said she didn't want Mattie around grandpa's mid-life crisis chick. Hilary saying that was like slapping Lily in the face. Then Hilary went over and started talking to Mattie, bringing up how she attended Mattie's birthday party last year. Last year when Hilary was still running her scheme to ruin Neil's life by going after his family. Who is writing this crap? Are we supposed to be rooting for Hilary when she starts messing with somebody's kid? Lily and Hilary can have their little catfights all day, every day but leave the innocent kids out of it. If Neil doesn't recognize the potential problem there then he's a bigger d-bag than I thought.

[peach]

He doesn't care about his kids' feelings, why would he care about his grandkids?  He was just jealous that they called Colin instead of him.  Colin is much better Gramps, whatever else he is.

[marshmallow]

 

Mariah’s learned Sharon’s lingo and says she was in a bad place and was just acting out.

 

As I was watching this, I am going to be so freaking annoyed if they turn Mariah into the innocent little lamb, after all the shit she's pulled.  They did that same crap with Hillary, and it is annoying to watch.  For what seems like forever, we watched Hillary torment Neil and his family, and now it's swept under the rug like it never happened, since she's hot and both Neil and Devon want to bang her.  I don't know if I'm supposed to be cheering for Lily or Hillary in that one.  When they first turned Hillary into purity personified, I kept waiting...waiting...waiting, thinking that it was another of her schemes and she'd have the last laugh, but no.

 

I really hope they don't do this to Mariah.  People just don't flip flop from such extremes on a dime like that.  You don't go from stalking someone to the point of locking their fiance in an empty apartment, to "Gosh, gee, you can have him Ashley.  I was wrong.  Please marry the man I've obsessed about for years."

[pearlite]

As I was watching this, I am going to be so freaking annoyed if they turn Mariah into the innocent little lamb, after all the shit she's pulled.  They did that same crap with Hillary, and it is annoying to watch.  For what seems like forever, we watched Hillary torment Neil and his family, and now it's swept under the rug like it never happened, since she's hot and both Neil and Devon want to bang her. 

 

I really hope they don't do this to Mariah.  People just don't flip flop from such extremes on a dime like that.  You don't go from stalking someone to the point of locking their fiance in an empty apartment, to "Gosh, gee, you can have him Ashley.  I was wrong.  Please marry the man I've obsessed about for years."

In Hilary's case, it may be the purifying power of sex in GC...

 

With Mariah, I can just hear her saintliness comin' down the track. And I hate it. I assume all Tyler's "she had a rough childhood" crap is laying the groundwork here.

[Snaporaz]

I'm wondering if Mariah and Tyler are scheming together, since he had all of those mysterious meetings with her.  But then I remember that Tyler signed a pre-nup...unless they're planning to bilk as much cash out of Abby as possible before he dumps her.

I hope it's something like that, because I think this 180 is odd, too.

[peach]

It's not limited to women either.  Austin of the storied dimples is going to go from stalker to hero, you can already tell.  He's also been in a bad place and is just acting out.  Soaps are supposed to have long term villain characters.  I don't know why they're doing this.  I would much rather see Austin get Summer hooked on him as part of his whole revenge plan, but I guess that's not going to happen.

With Mariah, I can just hear her saintliness comin' down the track. And I hate it. I assume all Tyler's "she had a rough childhood" crap is laying the groundwork here.

 

Sharon had a talk with her on the plane, okay?  She cured her.