Sex And The City - General Discussion

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, qtpye said:

I think you are being far too kind. I wish that there was a huge social stigma against hound single people about getting married (particularly single women).

I don't believe anyone who harasses people about getting married cares about them in the least. I think the harassers just love to remind people that they are failing according to some outdated notions, particularly if the harassers have accomplished nothing else in their lives beyond being married and having kids.  

I remember an older man actually asking me "You are so pretty and smart...what is wrong with you that you seem not to be able to get married". I was all of 26.

I appreciated that when this show came out they were addressing a relatively new phenomena of single successful women in their thirties who were doing just fine and having a great time.

Haha, there's this one older woman friend I made at work who does it the most. I think she's really concerned about me being eternally single and not having a family. One time she apologized to me because she realized she was being intrusive, but then she started doing it again. 

I think a lot of people think they can be nosy about your love life if they throw in a compliment. I get comments like that too. "You're too pretty to be single. I'm just asking because I think you're a catch." Buttering me up doesn't make me feel better. I still feel like I'm being judged for not being married and a mom. And honestly, when you're decent looking, I think you get comments like the "you are so pretty and smart, what's wrong with you?" The people I know who have a harder time getting dates are usually left alone because people figure they're unattractive but must be nice and normal otherwise. Those on the more attractive spectrum are thought to be the hot, crazy chick or something. 

8 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

 

And this is the problem.  People assume if you are single it is because you can't find a mate.  Being part of a couple is considered the normal. And if you aren't coupled then you aren't normal.  It wasn't so long ago when filling out forms the choices were married, widowed or unmarried. Not single but unmarried.   Thankfully that has been changed but it took forever.

 

Yup. We can all find someone if we want to. Some of us are happy dating, enjoying our family, friends, hobbies, etc. Some of us have dealt with so many things in life that love and marriage were never priority. Some of us are picky and need to really be super crazy about someone to even consider marriage. Sometimes it's all of the above. 

 

7 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I dont think this applies to J.Lo (I think J.Lo is in love with the idea of being in love, but is a mentally/emotionally stable person, so she ends things when they dont work for her any more), I think a better example of the phenomenon you are talking about is "Halle Berry" the poster woman for "Beautiful Woman Syndrome".

The "Halle Berry" aka "Beautiful Woman Syndrome" is a condition where a woman is incredibly beautiful, and buys into the social notion that most things she wants will be hers, combined with the fact that when women are incredibly beautiful they often arent encouraged to be anything else- as such they spend an inappropriate amount of time and energy on the wrong things, have low self esteem and end up picking assholes, hence Halle Berry, who has been physically abused (partially deafened in one ear), cheated on, called racial slurs in public by the father of her child etc. Again, all the men doing these things to Halle were awful people (and no one deserves that), but what is it about Halle that she keeps ATTRACTING and engaging with these dipshits despite having the social power of being beautiful and wealthy (although she still has to live as a black woman under the white patriarchy).

 

Taking this back on topic to Sex and The City- I dont think Natasha ever suffered from the "Beautiful woman syndrome", although she wasn't the most fleshed out character in the world (I think the writers did that on purpose), it would've been really interesting had the affair lasted longer, or Big kept going back and forth etc etc. But did we ever have any scenes in the series WITHOUT one of the four ladies? I think everything was from their point of view. I think Natasha was just a woman who met a man, fell in love with him, and married him- said man had no interest in being faithful to her or being her husband, and cheated on her with his ex. She had the good sense to get out and not waste more of her time (which isn't that odd, it was a short marriage with no children).

 

If any of the characters suffered from that in a small way- it would be Charlotte. Remember when Charlotte went off on Harry when he was watching the baseball game during the Shabbat dinner? (Harry was rude to do that)- and she was yelling at him to "set the date" and "do you know how lucky you are to have me?" Charlotte being more conventionally attractive than Harry is what she was talking about there, but Charlotte was in her mid 30s, divorced and very much wanted to be married with children. Harry was a successful lawyer with a good character- if Harry was so "lucky" to have her, why was Charlotte still single? (I say this in regards to the notion of the "Beautiful woman syndrome") Charlotte realized what an ASSHOLE she was being there (again, Harry was rude, but her response was inappropriate) and because she did apologize and get her stick out of her ass, Harry proposed. Harry wanted to marry her, he already had a ring! Charlotte had learned with the entire Trey relationship, that getting what you think you want (on paper) doesnt mean jack shit if you are not compatible with the person in desires and lifestyle- deep down in your emotions.

I agree! Jennifer 100% seems like she's in love with being in love. Poor Halle, for some reason she has a bad picker. Also, speaking of pretty women being judged, people have even said someone as beautiful as Halle must be bad in bed because she "can't keep a man." Seriously? She recently said, "who said I wanted to keep them?" lol good for her. Also, there are people married for many years who rarely have sex. Being and staying married doesn't mean anything. 

I love that the show showed someone as pretty as Charlotte struggle in love.

I definitely remember that scene too. As a Charlotte fan, I thought she was quite cruel. There's being rude, and there's putting down your partner's looks. I also liked the message of being careful even with a man who seems like Prince Charming. Trey had money, looks and manners, everything Charlotte thought she wanted, but he was no bueno for her. Please be careful ladies, even if you're older and really want a family. I don't believe people of a particular age need to date forever, but I wouldn't rush either. 

[qtpye]

22 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Haha, there's this one older woman friend I made at work who does it the most. I think she's really concerned about me being eternally single and not having a family. One time she apologized to me because she realized she was being intrusive, but then she started doing it again. 

I think a lot of people think they can be nosy about your love life if they throw in a compliment. I get comments like that too. "You're too pretty to be single. I'm just asking because I think you're a catch." Buttering me up doesn't make me feel better. I still feel like I'm being judged for not being married and a mom. And honestly, when you're decent looking, I think you get comments like the "you are so pretty and smart, what's wrong with you?" The people I know who have a harder time getting dates are usually left alone because people figure they're unattractive but must be nice and normal otherwise. Those on the more attractive spectrum are thought to be the hot, crazy chick or something. 

Yup. We can all find someone if we want to. Some of us are happy dating, enjoying our family, friends, hobbies, etc. Some of us have dealt with so many things in life that love and marriage were never priority. Some of us are picky and need to really be super crazy about someone to even consider marriage. Sometimes it's all of the above. 

 

I agree! Jennifer 100% seems like she's in love with being in love. Poor Halle, for some reason she has a bad picker. Also, speaking of pretty women being judged, people have even said someone as beautiful as Halle must be bad in bed because she "can't keep a man." Seriously? She recently said, "who said I wanted to keep them?" lol good for her. Also, there are people married for many years who rarely have sex. Being and staying married doesn't mean anything. 

I love that the show showed someone as pretty as Charlotte struggle in love.

I definitely remember that scene too. As a Charlotte fan, I thought she was quite cruel. There's being rude, and there's putting down your partner's looks. I also liked the message of being careful even with a man who seems like Prince Charming. Trey had money, looks and manners, everything Charlotte thought she wanted, but he was no bueno for her. Please be careful ladies, even if you're older and really want a family. I don't believe people of a particular age need to date forever, but I wouldn't rush either. 

Yes, if a woman is attractive people think she has no higher priority other than to attract a man. They look at you like you must have a hidden "crazy" button.

I remember people commented that the ladies on this show did not seem to have much of a relationship with their families. I sometimes wonder as single women in their thirties, they might avoid family because that might be where they constantly get harassed about their single status. Eventually, you start avoiding the family get togethers and the reunions because you are sick of having to explain yourself and justify your life.

I would imagine this would be particularly true of Charlotte who probably came from a fairly traditional family.

I also think there is a much more insidious hint of, ha ha...you thought you were cute but can't land a man...nastiness to some of the "You're so pretty, so why are you single" comments.

Edited April 21, 2021 by qtpye

[WendyCR72]

I don't know, based on everything so far with the upcoming reboot, it already sounds "been there, done that". Aidan coming back to moon over Carrie again? Why?

Then there is no Big, likely no Steve [sorry, I LOVED Steve and Miranda; Robert was nice to look at but boring to me...], and just...meh.

I said before I likely won't watch this, and nothing yet is enticing me to do otherwise.

Oh, and no way do I want dead Samantha. Just have her in L.A. or Europe and go from there.

[Scarlett45]

3 hours ago, qtpye said:

Yes, if a woman is attractive people think she has no higher priority other than to attract a man. They look at you like you must have a hidden "crazy" button.

I remember people commented that the ladies on this show did not seem to have much of a relationship with their families. I sometimes wonder as single women in their thirties, they might avoid family because that might be where they constantly get harassed about their single status. Eventually, you start avoiding the family get togethers and the reunions because you are sick of having to explain yourself and justify your life.

I would imagine this would be particularly true of Charlotte who probably came from a fairly traditional family.

I also think there is a much more insidious hint of, ha ha...you thought you were cute but can't land a man...nastiness to some of the "You're so pretty, so why are you single" comments.

I don’t think that the women would avoid their families just because they were single. I just think that the writers wanted to focus on the women’s relationships with each other and not their family of origin. Personally I’ve found that single, unpartnered, Childfree women tend to be CLOSER to their family of origin for a variety of reasons.
 

But I do qualify that I’m Black, and was raised by black people in a predominantly black family- while I can relate to a lot of what the women went through some of it is very different than what women in my family have experienced even in the late 90s/early 2000s- the Black American/ADOS experience is often different. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I don’t think that the women would avoid their families just because they were single. I just think that the writers wanted to focus on the women’s relationships with each other and not their family of origin. Personally I’ve found that single, unpartnered, Childfree women tend to be CLOSER to their family of origin for a variety of reasons.
 

But I do qualify that I’m Black, and was raised by black people in a predominantly black family- while I can relate to a lot of what the women went through some of it is very different than what women in my family have experienced even in the late 90s/early 2000s- the Black American/ADOS experience is often different. 

I agree.

I think it was deliberate of the writers/producers to not include family in a big way.  To show the isolation and independence of these women.  To very thoroughly show them as depending on their friends and not their family.  And I don't think the women of SATC minus Charlotte would give a damn if anyone asked why they were single.  They loved being single, they revelled in it.  That was the point of the show for all of them except Charlotte.  Single and Fabulous exclamation point.  It was the first show that I personally knew of where being single women was absolutely celebrated and totally glamourized to the hilt.  With Samantha in particular it was a badge of honour.  If anyone asked her why she was single I think she'd laugh in their face.

The first Bridget Jones Diary movie does a good job of showing what it's like to be single but still having to see your relatives at holidays.  They all make comments and made Bridget uncomfortable.  Then she was invited to a dinner with all of her couple friends and she was the only single one.  

 

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I agree.

I think it was deliberate of the writers/producers to not include family in a big way.  To show the isolation and independence of these women.  To very thoroughly show them as depending on their friends and not their family.  And I don't think the women of SATC minus Charlotte would give a damn if anyone asked why they were single.  They loved being single, they revelled in it.  That was the point of the show for all of them except Charlotte.  Single and Fabulous exclamation point.  It was the first show that I personally knew of where being single women was absolutely celebrated and totally glamourized to the hilt.  With Samantha in particular it was a badge of honour.  If anyone asked her why she was single I think she'd laugh in their face.

The first Bridget Jones Diary movie does a good job of showing what it's like to be single but still having to see your relatives at holidays.  They all make comments and made Bridget uncomfortable.  Then she was invited to a dinner with all of her couple friends and she was the only single one.  

 

I absolutely loved that this show celebrated women being single. When I was a kid, I remember seeing it and thinking being a single lady looked so fun! You could hang out with friends, go out on dates, go to parties, there was always excitement. Being married with kids seemed so dull in comparison to me. 

Not gonna lie, a part of me still feels this way. Despite the fact there are major perks to being single, imo, we all need companionship and love. Not everyone is born into a loving family. We don't all need to be married. We don't all need kids. We don't all need tons of friends. But I do think you're in big trouble when you're lacking in all the relationship types. I have family I love, but it's a small family. My parents are also getting older. I have friends I love who are like family to me, but it's not like we're all in close proximity to be able to have regular lunches. I have a lot of people in my life who are acquaintances, casual friends, work friends, etc. Those relationships are nice, but they're not a family replacement. I think the fact these women were all single at least well into their 30's helped them maintain close friendships and become like family. A lot of us experience friendships fading once we are older. Friends move, get married, have kids, can be pretty busy with their in laws, work, etc. It was a beautiful thing to see a close-knit group of girlfriends. Wish I had it, but I don't. When I was younger I didn't quite get people who were so lonely they were eager to have romantic relationships. Didn't these people have family and friends and other things to do until they met someone? Now that I'm older and single, I totally get it. Being single at 30+ is legitimately harder than it is for a 20-year-old. Still doesn't make it okay to shame singles though!

[qtpye]

5 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I absolutely loved that this show celebrated women being single. When I was a kid, I remember seeing it and thinking being a single lady looked so fun! You could hang out with friends, go out on dates, go to parties, there was always excitement. Being married with kids seemed so dull in comparison to me. 

Not gonna lie, a part of me still feels this way. Despite the fact there are major perks to being single, imo, we all need companionship and love. Not everyone is born into a loving family. We don't all need to be married. We don't all need kids. We don't all need tons of friends. But I do think you're in big trouble when you're lacking in all the relationship types. I have family I love, but it's a small family. My parents are also getting older. I have friends I love who are like family to me, but it's not like we're all in close proximity to be able to have regular lunches. I have a lot of people in my life who are acquaintances, casual friends, work friends, etc. Those relationships are nice, but they're not a family replacement. I think the fact these women were all single at least well into their 30's helped them maintain close friendships and become like family. A lot of us experience friendships fading once we are older. Friends move, get married, have kids, can be pretty busy with their in laws, work, etc. It was a beautiful thing to see a close-knit group of girlfriends. Wish I had it, but I don't. When I was younger I didn't quite get people who were so lonely they were eager to have romantic relationships. Didn't these people have family and friends and other things to do until they met someone? Now that I'm older and single, I totally get it. Being single at 30+ is legitimately harder than it is for a 20-year-old. Still doesn't make it okay to shame singles though!

When I was growing up it felt like a lot more fun being a single lady than a married lady with kids, particularly since a lot of the family responsibilities fall on women, who often also had to keep up with full time jobs.

[ifionlyknew]

This show also celebrated female friendships.  Too many times women are shown to resent other women. Undermine other women. Steal the other women's husbands. But this show showed these four women as having each other's backs.

7 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

They loved being single, they revelled in it.  That was the point of the show for all of them except Charlotte.  Single and Fabulous exclamation point.  It was the first show that I personally knew of where being single women was absolutely celebrated and totally glamourized to the hilt.  With Samantha in particular it was a badge of honour.  If anyone asked her why she was single I think she'd laugh in their face.

I think the misconception is women who are single don't want to be single.  That they are just waiting for a man to come along and marry them.  In my own personal experience I am much happier single than I was married.  While I liked Samantha with Smith I think the first movie showed that Sam felt like she wasn't herself anymore. I can related to that.

[Hiyo]

It was there early on in the show.

 

[Quof]

8 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

I think the misconception is women who are single don't want to be single.  That they are just waiting for a man to come along and marry them. 

And if they don't have babies, it's because no one has come along to impregnate them.  Some day I am going to yell "I have actually had a lot of sex, Mother.  I'm just fastidious with birth control. I chose not to give you grandchildren." 

[Scarlett45]

8 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

I think the misconception is women who are single don't want to be single.  That they are just waiting for a man to come along and marry them.  In my own personal experience I am much happier single than I was married.  While I liked Samantha with Smith I think the first movie showed that Sam felt like she wasn't herself anymore. I can related to that.

Yes, the first movie did portray very realistically why Sam didnt feel like herself any more. Romantic relationships take a LOT of emotional labor (especially for heterosexual women) and Sam just didn't want to do it any more. Trust, as FINE as Smith was, I 100% understand where she was coming from. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

 

From today.  Of course Kelly doesn't ask him about the reboot.  Is she insane?  

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

This show also celebrated female friendships.  Too many times women are shown to resent other women. Undermine other women. Steal the other women's husbands. But this show showed these four women as having each other's backs.

I think the misconception is women who are single don't want to be single.  That they are just waiting for a man to come along and marry them.  In my own personal experience I am much happier single than I was married.  While I liked Samantha with Smith I think the first movie showed that Sam felt like she wasn't herself anymore. I can related to that.

I love that they celebrated female friendship. My friendships with females mean more to me than my friendships with men because they are more genuine.    I know they don’t friend me because they want to sleep with me. Every straight male friend I’ve made in my adult years has liked me as more than a friend. 

Exactly! I’ve had people try to set me up because they think poor lady, have to help remedy her being single. What’s funny is that these people will say how pretty they think I am, but then think somehow I don’t get hit on plenty. Lol 

[ifionlyknew]

16 hours ago, Quof said:

And if they don't have babies, it's because no one has come along to impregnate them.  Some day I am going to yell "I have actually had a lot of sex, Mother.  I'm just fastidious with birth control. I chose not to give you grandchildren." 

That reminds me of a line  from a movie? TV show? that is "No I am not currently seeing anyone special but I am  however sleeping with a lot of men who aren't special" or something to that effect.

[Scarlett45]

23 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

That reminds me of a line  from a movie? TV show? that is "No I am not currently seeing anyone special but I am  however sleeping with a lot of men who aren't special" or something to that effect.

Miranda says that in season 2 I think. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

5 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Miranda says that in season 2 I think. 

Wow great memory!

I Googled it and it's from 401.

Quote

Party guest2: What about you guys?,

Carrie: I’m not dating anyone.

Party guest2: And what about you Miranda, seeing anyone special?

Miranda: Actually no but I am seeing a whole bunch of unspecial guys. That’s one of the requirements to date me. Are you special? Sorry! Move along…but if you have any unspecial friends could you give ‘em my number. I’m serious do any of you have a completely unremarkable friend or maybe a house plant I could go to dinner with on Saturday night?

And of course Carrie gets upset because Miranda's being clever at a party and taking the attention away from her.

EYEROLL 

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Wow great memory!

I Googled it and it's from 401.

And of course Carrie gets upset because Miranda's being clever at a party and taking the attention away from her.

EYEROLL 

Thanks for looking that up! Miranda was very clever. 

[Avabelle]

I'd rarely defend Carrie but wasn't she frustrated at Miranda because she was making fun of herself to get laughs from the women? I can't remember the episode in full but I was happy at the end when Miranda just told them she wasn't seeing anyone special without making jokes. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

I personally found it annoying that Miranda could not simply make a bunch of people laugh without Carrie trying to scold her for it.

Miranda was trying to lighten the mood.  And isn't that a big part of Carrie's character?  As if she never does that.

Quote

Carrie: Hey, what the hell was going on in there? Felt like your little comedy routine should have a two-drink minimum.

Miranda: We were standing in a group of married or engaged women just trying to avoid the pity party.

Carrie: really and I thought it was cocktail party.

Miranda: We were the only single people in there.

Carrie: Miranda we’re the only single people anywhere.

Miranda: Are you telling me that you didn’t see all those “ Don´t worry you’ll find someone looks?”

Carrie: Nope, didn’t see ‘em.

Miranda: Hey, society views single people our age as sad and pathetic and I don’t need that judgment hanging over my head so I go on the offensive and I make them laugh.

Carrie: Ok Shecky, You know what? Sometimes I think people and couples look at us and wish they had our lives.

Miranda: Nope, we make them uncomfortable and they don’t know what to say.

Carrie: And you are sure you’re not overreacting?

Miranda: Yeah!

 

[Avabelle]

I felt Miranda's routine only had the women pitying her more. I didn't like the women in that scene so hated that Miranda felt insecure enough to pander to them.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Avabelle

[Scarlett45]

I see both sides. I’m often the only single person at events (in non pandemic times I mean), but I don’t think people feel sorry for me.  Nor is it awkward- at this age, statistically I’m in the minority, that’s just a fact, that doesn’t mean people don’t want to socialize with me. So I thought Miranda’s speech was pretty funny. 
 

But I can see how if you are CONSTANTLY asked “are you seeing anyone special?” That gets annoying AF and you just handle it in a socially appropriate way (like a joke). 

[RealHousewife]

55 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

I see both sides. I’m often the only single person at events (in non pandemic times I mean), but I don’t think people feel sorry for me.  Nor is it awkward- at this age, statistically I’m in the minority, that’s just a fact, that doesn’t mean people don’t want to socialize with me. So I thought Miranda’s speech was pretty funny. 
 

But I can see how if you are CONSTANTLY asked “are you seeing anyone special?” That gets annoying AF and you just handle it in a socially appropriate way (like a joke). 

YES! Listen up married folks, there's no harm in asking your single family and friends dating questions once in awhile, but please don't be the type who can't resist asking in every conversation, every gathering, every holiday. Most of the time, just let singles be. If they are seeing someone special, you'll find out soon enough. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

52 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

If they are seeing someone special, you'll find out soon enough. 

Ugh it's soooooooooo true.  It's so annoying.  They already know that the answer is No or you would have found out by now.  So why do you ask?  

[ifionlyknew]

I'm 52 and have been single for almost 9 years.  My husband died so at first people who knew I was single so they weren't immediately asking me about it.  Although there was a rude relative at the after funeral who told people I was flirting with her boyfriend.  I was not flirting but simply talking to him.  But that shows how single women are looked at by some other women.  As a threat. 

I make it a point to not ask single people about their dating or lack thereof.  As mentioned by @RealHousewife if they are dating someone I'm sure they will tell me. 

Carrie was often dismissive of her friend's interpretations of things.  Just because Carrie didn't think people were looking at them with pity doesn't mean Miranda didn't feel that way.

[RealHousewife]

2 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

I'm 52 and have been single for almost 9 years.  My husband died so at first people who knew I was single so they weren't immediately asking me about it.  Although there was a rude relative at the after funeral who told people I was flirting with her boyfriend.  I was not flirting but simply talking to him.  But that shows how single women are looked at by some other women.  As a threat. 

I make it a point to not ask single people about their dating or lack thereof.  As mentioned by @RealHousewife if they are dating someone I'm sure they will tell me. 

Carrie was often dismissive of her friend's interpretations of things.  Just because Carrie didn't think people were looking at them with pity doesn't mean Miranda didn't feel that way.

I'm so sorry someone had the nerve to go there with you at the funeral! What's wrong with people?!

And yes, you brought up another great point. Not only are singles constantly poked at about being single, you're also seen as a threat even when you are 100% harmless. I'm a shy girl, not a flirt, and very respectful of other people. However, I am a nice person and like to joke around. I do keep to myself unless people start chatting with me. At this place I worked at, some of the women were genuinely very flirty. Some people called it out, but some did not. One of the women who was extremely flirtatious had the nerve to say I was a flirt! I think she was just annoyed I got more attention from men in the office despite the fact I never approached the guys and was never inappropriate (unlike her). I swear, if you're single, especially if you're decent looking and on the younger side, the fact you sit there minding your business and have men coming to your desk ticks people off. Pretty women who are married get away with more. I became even more reserved after working at that place, and then some people said I was standoffish. You can't win. That's another thing-men will be annoyed when you do have boundaries as a single woman! You're standoffish if you are very careful with what you say and don't want to hang out after work and whatnot. Married ladies, you have no idea how good you have it in some ways! Single women are automatically seen as threatening by some people, and normally we're the ones harassed. 

[ifionlyknew]

6 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I swear, if you're single, especially if you're decent looking and on the younger side, the fact you sit there minding your business and have men coming to your desk ticks people off.

 

7 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

That's another thing-men will be annoyed when you do have boundaries as a single woman!

One night I stopped at a bar/restaurant to pick up take out. It wasn't ready so I sat at the far corner of the bar while I waited. I took out my phone and was looking at it when a man sitting across the bar said to me "I guess they put you in the corner tonight.".  I looked at him and said "I prefer to sit in the corner". He started to say something when I said "that way people leave me alone". I guarantee when I left he told his friend what a bitch I was.  

It wasn't very often we saw any of the women sitting at a bar alone.  Miranda did when Carrie stood her up. That was the night she met Steve. And I think Samantha was the night she met the short guy.  A woman alone at a bar seems to make men think they are looking for someone to hit on them.  

[RealHousewife]

Just now, ifionlyknew said:

 

One night I stopped at a bar/restaurant to pick up take out. It wasn't ready so I sat at the far corner of the bar while I waited. I took out my phone and was looking at it when a man sitting across the bar said to me "I guess they put you in the corner tonight.".  I looked at him and said "I prefer to sit in the corner". He started to say something when I said "that way people leave me alone". I guarantee when I left he told his friend what a bitch I was.  

It wasn't very often we saw any of the women sitting at a bar alone.  Miranda did when Carrie stood her up. That was the night she met Steve. And I think Samantha was the night she met the short guy.  A woman alone at a bar seems to make men think they are looking for someone to hit on them.  

Oh yes! Honestly ladies, if you ARE looking to be picked up, it's the way to go. I get hit on quite a bit when I'm by myself, not so much when I'm with friends. I have friends who never get hit on, and I think it's because they're always out with a posse. It's less nerve-wracking for a guy to go up to a woman without all her friends watching. 

I remember one evening I was killing time at a tea place before class and this guy suggested sitting together and said I looked lonely. I said I was fine, just taking care of some work on my phone. He shrugged and rolled his eyes, like whatever girl. 

[qtpye]

5 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Oh yes! Honestly ladies, if you ARE looking to be picked up, it's the way to go. I get hit on quite a bit when I'm by myself, not so much when I'm with friends. I have friends who never get hit on, and I think it's because they're always out with a posse. It's less nerve-wracking for a guy to go up to a woman without all her friends watching. 

I remember one evening I was killing time at a tea place before class and this guy suggested sitting together and said I looked lonely. I said I was fine, just taking care of some work on my phone. He shrugged and rolled his eyes, like whatever girl. 

I'm surprised that some guys are not put off by #metoo. I know a lot of younger women who never get hit on because the guys in their generation don't want to cross boundaries (but they do get hit on by older guys).

I am glad this show took place when it did and we got to see the women go on cool, interesting, and sometimes disappointing dates.

I feel like if the show took place now, we would just be watching everyone browsing on apps and occasionally meeting someone for coffee.

[Hiyo]

“I feel like if the show took place now, we would just be watching everyone browsing on apps and occasionally meeting someone for coffee.”

Welcome to gay dating 😬

[ifionlyknew]

2 hours ago, qtpye said:

I'm surprised that some guys are not put off by #metoo. I know a lot of younger women who never get hit on because the guys in their generation don't want to cross boundaries (but they do get hit on by older guys).

I am glad this show took place when it did and we got to see the women go on cool, interesting, and sometimes disappointing dates.

I feel like if the show took place now, we would just be watching everyone browsing on apps and occasionally meeting someone for coffee.

I think with the reboot there has to be a single person because the new dating reality includes apps and #metoo. There is comedy to be mined with dating in 2021.

[WendyCR72]

The revival is set to add three new series regulars - and all women of color.

[Ms Blue Jay]

That's good.  Now I wish even more that Kim Catrall could/would be a part of it.  With the core four, there's no way it could feel like a different show, but when half the cast is new, I really wonder how it will be.

Edited May 4, 2021 by Ms Blue Jay

[ifionlyknew]

13 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

That's good.  Now I wish even more that Kim Catrall could/would be a part of it.  With the core four, there's no way it could feel like a different show, but when half the cast is new, I really wonder how it will be.

It will depend on who the new characters are.  Will they be established as long time friends of the core three or will they be characters the women meet on the show?

I wouldn't necessarily object to Jennifer Hudson's character from the first movie being one of the new characters.  What was her name? Louise from St. Louis?

I wonder if one of the new characters will be gay? Or gender fluid?

Whoever the new characters are I hope they are organic to the stories being told and not just written as check the box for diversity.  

[qtpye]

https://shanisilver.medium.com/f-ck-sex-and-the-city-2405c81d09b0

An interesting if not particularly flattering perspective.

[Hiyo]

Sadly, only open for members...

[qtpye]

38 minutes ago, Hiyo said:

Sadly, only open for members...

Sorry about that here are the main parts:

Quote

Here’s what I really think: I think coupled people want to hear the Sex and the City-inspired fantasy stories because those are the positive sides of singlehood that they’re comfortable with. When they hear the real positive sides of singlehood, they start to feel a little uncomfortable about being in a couple.

Quote

I think the real fabulosity of singlehood scares those who are partnered, and maybe that’s why the world is reluctant to tell another kind of story. A story about straight single women where men aren’t the center. Where a woman’s dating life isn’t the focal point every goddamned episode, where extended periods without sex and dating aren’t seen as “dry spells,” but rather times of incredible growth and creativity. Where her freedom is more of a desired quality than how attractive she is to other people. Where her new partnership isn’t depicted as a massive accomplishment and relief. I don’t think we’re telling these stories because we respect and treasure couplehood so much that we can’t let it, even for a second, be worse than being single. We’re only comfortable making singlehood positive in a fantasy setting.

 

[Ms Blue Jay]

I think that the show kind of ruined me, but in a totally different way.  I was too young and impressionable when I started watching it.  LOL.  But there was no way out of it.  I even had a part time job at a bookstore and read Candace's book, and I was all set to love the show.  There was no escape.  

[ifionlyknew]

On 5/15/2021 at 6:33 PM, qtpye said:

Where a woman’s dating life isn’t the focal point every goddamned episode, where extended periods without sex and dating aren’t seen as “dry spells,” but rather times of incredible growth and creativity.

I was talking about this with my shrink (yes I see a shrink monthly).  Being single (especially happily single) isn't considered the norm. If someone is single most people assume they are in between relationships.  Forms asking for marital status only within the past 20 years changed unmarried to single.  It was (and mostly still is) presumed being married is what most people are. Or have been hence the other choices being widowed and divorced.

The happiest times in my life have been when I have been single. But it rare to see a movie or TV show that has woman single and being happy and fulfilled with her life.

Edited May 17, 2021 by ifionlyknew

[qtpye]

4 hours ago, ifionlyknew said:

I was talking about this with my shrink (yes I see a shrink monthly).  Being single (especially happily single) isn't considered the norm. If someone is single most people assume they are in between relationships.  Forms asking for marital status only within the past 20 years changed unmarried to single.  It was (and mostly still is) presumed being married is what most people are. Or have been hence the other choices being widowed and divorced.

The happiest times in my life have been when I have been single. But it rare to see a movie or TV show that has woman single and being happy and fulfilled with her life.

I think that it was fine that the women wanted relationships. What bothered me is the one woman that loved being single and did not want to be in a couple was turned into a joke that I think we were meant to laugh at.

I really liked Samantha's attitude and thought she was a good friend. I hate the way the show treated her.

I like the author's point that people in couples like to feel superior (particularly the ones who are miserable) to single people because they think they have achieved something that single people are striving for.

If we switched the narrative to modern relationships are extremely tricky and divorce can be devastating, so sometimes being single is really can be the best choice, it would be an outrage.

For example, you hear the term independent woman but never hear independent man. That is because it is a default in society that a woman needs a male partner (if she is hetero).

I loved the show and it was truly groundbreaking for its time. However, I would love it if the reboot addressed some of these issues.

[ifionlyknew]

40 minutes ago, qtpye said:

For example, you hear the term independent woman but never hear independent man. That is because it is a default in society that a woman needs a male partner (if she is hetero).

This is true.  Samantha was an independent woman. Although I liked her with Smith during the show I hated what they did to her in the first movie. Not every woman loses her identity when in a relationship. I would argue even Miranda lost her identity when she married Steve.  

 

48 minutes ago, qtpye said:

I loved the show and it was truly groundbreaking for its time. However, I would love it if the reboot addressed some of these issues.

I think the new show has to address how different dating and relationships are now. If they don't I will be even more disappointed than I think I already will be.

[qtpye]

I think one of the things that bugs me is that if you watch any video about Millennials and Marriage the comments are filled with MGTOW and Red Pill guys laughing it up about how they no longer marrying us because we ask for too many rights or some nonsense.

It never occurs to them that we are pretty damn happy not marrying them either because there is a bias in society that marriage is for women.

The truth is that statistics bear out that marriage is bad for women and good for men. Women take a lot of the emotional, physical, and sometimes financial brunt of the marriage.

However, there is still the stereotype that we are the ball and chain weighing them down and of course, we are all just dying to get married.

I would love it if SATC addressed some of this with its old-school good humor and sass but feel that it is unlikely.

Edited May 18, 2021 by qtpye

[RealHousewife]

14 minutes ago, qtpye said:

I think one of the things that bugs me is that if you watch any video about Millennials and Marriage the comments are filled with MGTOW and Red Pill guys laughing it up about how they no longer marrying us because we ask for too many rights or some nonsense.

It never occurs to them that we are pretty damn happy not marrying them either because there is a bias in society that marriage is for women.

The truth is that statistics bear out that marriage is bad for women and good for men. Women take a lot of the emotional, physical, and sometimes financial brunt of the marriage.

However, there is still the stereotype that we are the ball and chain weighing them down and of course, we are all just dying to get married.

I would love it if SATC addressed some of this with its old-school good humor and sass but feel that it is unlikely.

Oh gosh, those guys are nuts. Sometimes I'll look up femininity content on YouTube. The women are traditional, and MGTOW and Red Pill guys flock to these accounts. They talk about how these women are all so great and could end MGTOW. The traditional women often wait until marriage to have sex. They do not want to work outside the home and often want lots of kids. I doubt the incel men are decent looking, nice guys with good jobs. They're frustrated with modern women who make their own money and are more comfortable with hookups. If the incel men can't get modern women, good luck getting a traditional one. Just look at SATC, Charlotte might be traditional, but she had some very high standards in men. The less traditional the characters were, the easier it was to have a chance with them. This dynamic of the series was very much in touch with reality. 

[Ms Blue Jay]

I also thought that Big's issues with commitment, unless it was with a pretty 25 year old, were also incredibly realistic.  I think the show definitely did explore that stuff.  Carrie slept with Big immediately and then regretted it, because she knew how men usually behave when that happens.  Perhaps Natasha played hard to get like Charlotte pretends she does.

Edited May 19, 2021 by Ms Blue Jay

[RealHousewife]

4 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I also thought that Big's issues with commitment, unless it was with a pretty 25 year old, were also incredibly realistic.  I think the show definitely did explore that stuff.  Carrie slept with Big immediately and then regretted it, because she knew how men usually behave when that happens.  Perhaps Natasha played hard to get like Charlotte pretends she does.

The hard to get thing is absolutely true. Most people never really treasure things they get easily, whether it's a person, a house, a job, a car. There was this guy I worked with who had been with a ton of women. He had one longterm girlfriend he lived with for several years, but when I met him he was just dating around. He was older than me, but said he'd never been in love until me. I know men lie, and he's not someone I'd trust on everything, but he literally cried saying goodbye. Even if he was full of it using the l world, he definitely had feelings for me. We were never together, never messed around. I never even saw him outside of work. I was just his little crush and what he considered a good girl out of his league. He'll still contact me time to time to this day. He wants what he can't have. 

[qtpye]

12 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I also thought that Big's issues with commitment, unless it was with a pretty 25 year old, were also incredibly realistic.  I think the show definitely did explore that stuff.  Carrie slept with Big immediately and then regretted it, because she knew how men usually behave when that happens.  Perhaps Natasha played hard to get like Charlotte pretends she does.

 

7 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

The hard to get thing is absolutely true. Most people never really treasure things they get easily, whether it's a person, a house, a job, a car. There was this guy I worked with who had been with a ton of women. He had one longterm girlfriend he lived with for several years, but when I met him he was just dating around. He was older than me, but said he'd never been in love until me. I know men lie, and he's not someone I'd trust on everything, but he literally cried saying goodbye. Even if he was full of it using the l world, he definitely had feelings for me. We were never together, never messed around. I never even saw him outside of work. I was just his little crush and what he considered a good girl out of his league. He'll still contact me time to time to this day. He wants what he can't have. 

I think at the beginning, Big liked Carrie but definitely did not think she was wife material, probably because he had some sexist views on that sort of thing (which would be totally realistic for the type of guy he was).

It was not because she was wild/carefree like Barbara Streisand in The Way We Were...it was more to do with he simply did not think she was good enough.

He saw classically pretty and effortlessly elegant Natasha who was everything that he wanted on paper. He probably did pursue and purpose pretty quickly because he could not let this one "getaway".

Unfortunately, he ultimately got bored with classy and low drama Natasha.

I think in a perfect world (for him) he would have had Natasha as the wife and Carrie as the mistress but luckily neither woman went for this.

As he got older, I think he started to care less about what people thought of the woman on his arm and just wanted to go for the woman he most enjoys being with...which was Carrie.

[ifionlyknew]

12 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Carrie slept with Big immediately and then regretted it, because she knew how men usually behave when that happens.

 

7 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

The hard to get thing is absolutely true. Most people never really treasure things they get easily, whether it's a person, a house, a job, a car.

I remember a scene from Mad About You and I can't remember which character they were talking about but Jamie asked her husband Paul what men think when a woman sleeps with them on the first date and he says "Yippee."  I do think there is still a double standard regarding sleeping with a man on the first date. Men think the woman is too easy. Not girlfriend material. But you never hear a woman say the same about a man who sleeps with someone on the first date. After my husband died and I went back out into the dating world I had a friend tell me if I wanted a man to respect me I needed to play hard to get.  I said I am not playing that game. I was in my 40s at the time and said I was too old to act like I was saving myself.  With all the online dating sites now if a woman won't sleep with a man right off the bat all he has to do is swipe and he will find one who will.

In the new show they need to have a character be on Tinder or whatever.  That is such a part of dating now and they could  have a lot of fun with that. Perhaps the character is on a date when the guy gets what he thinks is a better offer and leaves in the middle of the date.  I could see that happening to Miranda. She always had the weirdest dating experiences. The guy who died. The one who got diarrhea.  The one who's doorman told her the guy wasn't coming down. Ever.

[Ms Blue Jay]

I know you guys keep saying online dating is "fun" be to me it's actually a nightmarish hell. I wouldn't care at all if this wasn't part of the reboot.

[qtpye]

53 minutes ago, ifionlyknew said:

 

I remember a scene from Mad About You and I can't remember which character they were talking about but Jamie asked her husband Paul what men think when a woman sleeps with them on the first date and he says "Yippee."  I do think there is still a double standard regarding sleeping with a man on the first date. Men think the woman is too easy. Not girlfriend material. But you never hear a woman say the same about a man who sleeps with someone on the first date. After my husband died and I went back out into the dating world I had a friend tell me if I wanted a man to respect me I needed to play hard to get.  I said I am not playing that game. I was in my 40s at the time and said I was too old to act like I was saving myself.  With all the online dating sites now if a woman won't sleep with a man right off the bat all he has to do is swipe and he will find one who will.

In the new show they need to have a character be on Tinder or whatever.  That is such a part of dating now and they could  have a lot of fun with that. Perhaps the character is on a date when the guy gets what he thinks is a better offer and leaves in the middle of the date.  I could see that happening to Miranda. She always had the weirdest dating experiences. The guy who died. The one who got diarrhea.  The one who's doorman told her the guy wasn't coming down. Ever.

Remember the guy who immediately showered after sex and dumped her because she had the audacity to say "sex is not dirty" and I think the guy who would only be intimate with porn in the background was also one of hers.

Oh, and there was the modelizer.

Edited May 19, 2021 by qtpye

[ifionlyknew]

Just now, qtpye said:

Remember the guy who immediately showered after sex and dumped her because she had the audacity to say "sex is not dirty" and I think the guy who would only be intimate with porn in the background was also one of hers.

Yes. The writers gave her all the comic relief dates.

19 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I know you guys keep saying online dating is "fun" be to me it's actually a nightmarish hell. I wouldn't care at all if this wasn't part of the reboot.

As a survivor of online dating when I say "fun" I mean entertaining to watch. In real life it can most definitely be a nightmare. Lifetime is filled with movies about it. But for the new show to ignore online dating will not be realistic.  

[Avabelle]

2 hours ago, qtpye said:

Remember the guy who immediately showered after sex and dumped her because she had the audacity to say "sex is not dirty" and I think the guy who would only be intimate with porn in the background was also one of hers.

My absolute favourite Miranda date was the one where she has the braces and gets all the food stuck in them. Her reaction when she realised, his “I suppose a blow Job is out of the question”, her awkward laugh while trying not to open her mouth. Comic gold.