Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

[peacheslatour]

5 minutes ago, Pickles said:

She's on the cover of People. She says she could have been a Real Housewife of Orange County, because she was such a California party girl. She wanted to be an actress. She is really fond of herself. 

Not even close to being pretty enough. But she is just as self involved, so she has that going for her. Which is nice. :)

[cathy]

And don't forget that she once publically admitted to smoking pot, the little fundamentalist Republican darling.  It isn't the pot smoking I hate so much as the hypocrisy.

[ariel]

57 minutes ago, Pickles said:

She's on the cover of People. She says she could have been a Real Housewife of Orange County, because she was such a California party girl. She wanted to be an actress. She is really fond of herself. 

Once a party girl, almost always a party girl.  She's either partying it up behind the scenes or she is totally miserable missing what she once had.

ETA  - the wanting to be an actress part is really rich.  She's been on TV for years and can barely string two sentences together.  Mr Ed the talking horse had more talent.

Edited September 27, 2017 by ariel

[anneofcleves]

1 hour ago, Pickles said:

She's on the cover of People. She says she could have been a Real Housewife of Orange County, because she was such a California party girl. She wanted to be an actress. She is really fond of herself. 

Really? Oh gag.  Part of me would love to see her on it. They would eat her alive (probably preferable to eating her cooking).  And the thought of her thinking of being an actress, with that VOICE and that dead, expressionless affect, is pretty funny.

Edited September 27, 2017 by anneofcleves

[Automne]

PW Magazine is like a poor man's Country Living for the tacky, lazy, and ostentatious. I'm currently keeping count as to how many deer antler decorations are offered up. We have wreaths and lamps here. I have to admit that I like the dahlia wreath, but I like dahlias. 

I haven't even gotten to the food section yet. 

I'm trying to post some screenshots, but I'm on my iPad and the photos are too big. 

 

Hol' up. Hyacinth's real name is Cyndi Kane? ?

Edited September 28, 2017 by Automne

[anneofcleves]

I thumbed through it in the checkout line at the store the other day and thought it looked a lot like Rachel Ray's magazine, but lower budget.  But that was like 10 seconds of looking.  She had some homage to cast iron going on (yawn), and I did see a page with Hy's picture on it giving credit to contributors (I think) 

Raise your hand if you give two shits about what Hy (Cyndi) thinks about decorating or baking or whatever her expertise is going to be.  Can I have one shit?  Nope?  Buehler?

I'm looking forward to Automne's reviews!

Edited September 28, 2017 by anneofcleves

[tabloidlover]

I don't even give 1% of a full shit.  

Edited September 28, 2017 by tabloidlover
clarification

[ariel]

I wonder how successful Ree's mag will be all across the country. I'm thinking she will have some success in certain regions, but all over, I'm not too sure about that. Maybe she will do well with the Paula Deen fans.

Edited September 28, 2017 by ariel

[Lura]

Where did Cyndi get the name Hyacinth?  Did she take the Hy name as a joke?

[cathy]

On her twitter page she has announced her new bedding line.  It looks like the same tacky flower design as on her dinnerware.  I am sure made in China too.  If she really was as all-American as she says she would have it made here.  Her reeple, who are mostly ultra conservative, flag waveing superficial pseudo-patriots will never see this though.  Gosh, how does she start all of these new business ventures when she has so much ranch work to do?  Cook'in, clean'in, homeschool'in, wash'in clothes in the pond, then hang'in it out to dry, churn'in butter?  

[Lura]

It was a new-old episode I watched today, and what did I see?  BEANS.  Beans, beans, beans!  Ree was up to no good, boiling three pounds of black beans to feed the family for a week.  Every night, she planned a new bean recipe.  Those Drummonds must have putzed bean air 'til they had to open windows.  Natchurly, every recipe was Tex Mex.  Same ingredients, different shape.  Dizzzzzzz-gusting.  She made the last recipe for her own lunch -- a GIGANTIC glob of mashed up beans, which she formed into a GIGANTIC bean burger and told the story once again about how she was once a vegetarian, and the size of that burger was larger than the bun, which she noted as she drooled.  It really is a wonder they weren't all in the hospital with blocked colons by the end of the week.  Another classic example of Ree's poor judgment and incompetence in the kitchen.

[peacheslatour]

Quote

It really is a wonder they weren't all in the hospital with blocked colons by the end of the week.

I always thought beans were high fiber?

[Automne]

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

I always thought beans were high fiber?

I think beans are the only thing preventing the "cowboys" from being plugged up since they apparently don't eat vegetables or anything with roughage. 

Maybe sneak some Benefiber in their daily "insert fruit" lemonade. 

[Automne]

Behind the scenes of Ree "recipe testing", there's a giant-ass mess of dishes and food packaging. Like cleaning as you go is as foreign as Chinese to Ree. And she claims she cleans it begrudgingly (while joking about wanting to just build a new kitchen to avoid the mess). LOL, we all know you have maid service, Ree. You aren't fooling anybody but the most gullible anymore.

Look, Alex has put a bowl ON HER HEAD. We're so wild and crazy here in Osage County.

Jesus H. Christ, I'm only halfway through this issue? I'm on page 70! Why is this so long? Trim the fat. We didn't need a two-page spread of some asshole who collects cookie jars. And who doesn't recognize Felix the Cat? I was born in 1985 and I know that cat.

This interior designer is...not very good. Her style is very basic and her mix-and-match doesn't always mesh.

Edited September 29, 2017 by Automne

[Automne]

[peacheslatour]

Mid century modern Americana meets hippie barf op art meets twelfth century French Gothic. Dear god, what a mess.

[Lura]

What was I thinking?  Of course, beans are good fiber.  I knew that, but my brain was apparently on vacation.  Thanks, Peaches, for pointing out that the Drummonds' condition was just the opposite of constipation.

For all of her money and fame, Ree must live a desperately boring life if all she can think to write about is her messy kitchen.  I wouldn't think that a pictorial of dirty dishes and a running commentary on the state of her disarray would sell many magazines.

[film noire]

Thanks, @Automne, that's taking one for the team and more. (My god, that living room - it's like a cross between a Scientology retreat and a porn set -- all we need is Ree as The Pioneer Hooker and Ladd as Xenu From Human Resources.)

At times like this, I so wish Brini Maxwell still took etiquette questions -- I'd ask her how to stop Ree.

Edited September 30, 2017 by film noire

[grisgris]

My question (not for Brini) but about the magazine pages. WHO got into a wrestling match? Ree and Ladd? Ree and Alex?

That living room was fugly. I hated that huge photo of the stained glass window or whatever it was.

P.S.: I glanced through the People magazine (at where else ... Walmart!) I have to admit that I didn't read it carefully but she more or less said that she felt that there was life beyond Oklahoma and headed west. She said that she "tore up Sunset" and I guess she dated a lot. She said that she was the type of gal that if she had plans with her girlfriends and a guy called, "buh, bye bitches!" In my quick scan I didn't read anything about acting aspirations of RHoOC but at the end of the article there was something about how Pawhuska wasn't big [exciting] enough for a RH franchise. There was also a high school photo of Ree that looked like the typical senior class portrait. It was taken at a weird angle, but not very flattering.

[cathy]

jdid my shopping early this morning and just saw the show.  I too saw the people article.  A typical fluffy puff piece.  They never ask any hard questions, or criticize.  Ladd has crows feet.  He should start wearing sun screen.  Ree has some wrinkles underneath her eyes.  She should use the sun screen too!!  I wonder if the kids use it-or they will get wrinkly before their time.  People magazine does not do any kind of research they just rite what the publicists tell them to write.  Those poor calves sent to die a horrible death usually hanging upside down by their feet.  It makes me want to go vegetarian.  Her new linen line will probably be low quality/low thread count crap that will unravel after 3 washings.  Made in China garbage

[peacheslatour]

Quote

 "buh, bye bitches!" In

"Sisters before misters!"

[Lura]

Quote

 

Ride 'em, cowboy!

The more I read about Ree, the more I think of her as the Hormone Queen.  She sounded so desperate for sex when she was younger, and she still seems that way.  I have to remind myself that Ree writes fiction about her dreams.  That lawyer she dated was probably a studious little pipsqueak of a guy who asked her out once, but building him up to be a stud was a great way of making Ladd jealous, and sharing her dream with her followers makes her seem so sought after.  I just don't buy it.

[Automne]

23 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Mid century modern Americana meets hippie barf op art meets twelfth century French Gothic. Dear god, what a mess.

I would expect something like that from a home design blogger, not from a professional interior designer who has people pay her to design and decorate their homes.

[ariel]

On ‎9‎/‎29‎/‎2017 at 9:08 AM, cathy said:

On her twitter page she has announced her new bedding line.  It looks like the same tacky flower design as on her dinnerware.  I am sure made in China too.  If she really was as all-American as she says she would have it made here.  Her reeple, who are mostly ultra conservative, flag waveing superficial pseudo-patriots will never see this though.   

Just like her idol #45, she likes to sell cheap sh*t to people & profit off of it.  Let the buyer beware.

Edited October 3, 2017 by ariel

[LillyB]

I wonder how many long red hairs wind up in her food since she never bothers to tie her hair back and it must be pretty brittle from all the red dye.

[Lura]

SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE DRUMMOND HOMESTEAD

LADD:  Ain't nuthin' on the teevee.  Ah'm clickin' it off.  Say, Ree. you been lookin' mighty down in the mouth tonight.  Somethin' eatin' atcha?

REE:  *sigh*  Oh, ah don't know, Ladd.  It jist seems like everthing's different these days.  The kids is all off 'n' married, an' it seems like all our old friends ain't  around anymore.  Ya notice that?

LADD:  Can't say as ah have, Ree.  Ah'm so busy countin' cattle that ah don't got time fur nothin' else.

REE:  That's zackly what ah mean, Ladd.  The kids is all up 'n' grown now with fam'lies of their own.  Our old friends seem to have all drifted away.  We used to be young, an' all of us were scratchin', tryin' to make  two half pennies fit together to make a livin'.  We'd roll up the rug, put some music on the stereo, and dance the night away.  We all had so much fun.  We'd all git drunker 'n' skunks, but we had hilarious times.  What happened, Ladd?  Where did they go?

LADD:  Hmmm.  Seems maybe they started driftin' sometime around the time you got the Merc goin.'  Why don'tcha go into the other room an' count yur money? That's always made ya feel better.

REE:  Ah was so popular!  Mah  picture was all over People, an' my magazine got started, and we wuz makin' money all of a sudden!  Why, ah wuz the Queen of Pawtuska, remember?  Ah'd cook tacos on mah show evry day, an' ah STILL wuz #1!  GETTIN' RICHER 'N' RICHER 'N' RICHER!

LADD:  Yep.  Those wuz the days alright.  But folks began to drift.  Ah remember how you hired Hy so she couldn't leave you, but she left anyway.  Said she wuz too busy with her own life.

REE:  Now, she never even calls anymore.

LADD:  We outgrew our friends.  We didn't fit in the same slot anymore.  They wuz all normal people, an' we wuz rich.  All we talked about wuz book tours 'n' tea at the Waldorf, an' they'd never heard of the Waldorf.  Bunch of idiots. 

REE:  They didn't even like mah tacos anymore cuz ah topped 'em off with good caviar.

LADD:  Ah well, honey.  Look at all the books you wrote, an' your magazine, and all them things you sold.  You should be proud of yourself.

REE:  Ah don't feel proud.  Ah jist feel lonesome.  It's all mah fault.  Ah drove 'em away.

LADD:  Tell you what, Ree.  We'll throw a big Halloween bash an' invite everybody we knew.  An'  we'll serve hot dogs an' burgers an' peach cobbler, an' me 'n' Tim's gonna shoot off 500 orange fireworks!  An' ah'll grill again!  Hope ah remember how!  How's that sound, Ree?

REE:  Oh, Ladd!  No wonder ah fell in love with you!  Ah'll dig out some of mah old clothes, them blouses that looked like tents.  Ah'll make big ol' batches of mah ol' tater salad recipe! An' limeade with cherries that your daddy used to love!  It's gonna be MIRACULOUS!  The hell with money!  We're gonna have some friends again!!!

Edited October 8, 2017 by Lura

[cathy]

That's funny Lura.  Yesterday's shows were some dumb.  Ladd explaining shipping ZZZZzzzzzz.  And cowboy Josh sounds like he has marbles in his mouth  when he speaks.  Same old unhealthy recipies.  Her bedding line, which looks like her dinnerware design (no creativity) just launched.  Mediocrity rules in America.  I just don't get it.  What ever happened to The Marlboro Woman?  She is needed!!

[ariel]

27 minutes ago, cathy said:

 What ever happened to The Marlboro Woman?  She is needed!!

That's a good question.  I miss her.  I wonder if Ree had something to do with MW's website disappearance?

[peacheslatour]

It's amazing how different the tone is in these  threads compared with the Barefoot Contessa threads. Nothing but respect over there and mostly snark in these.

I wonder why.

 

/not really.

[ariel]

2 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

It's amazing how different the tone is in these  threads compared with the Barefoot Contessa threads. Nothing but respect over there and mostly snark in these.

I wonder why.

 

/not really.

What's ironic is that they have the same production company and it's the one Nigella used. too.  

[Lura]

9 hours ago, ariel said:

It's amazing how different the tone is in these  threads compared with the Barefoot Contessa threads. Nothing but respect over there and mostly snark in these.

I wonder why.

Ina went through her own tough times, just like Ree is.  She was criticized for the tops she wears, for wearing slacks to formal events, for depending too much on Jeffrey, for  refusing to cook with the little 7-year-old boy with cancer, for having guests serve themselves from a messy kitchen bowl, for endless repeats, for caring more about making money than making more shows, and the list goes on.  While I agree that Ree is getting more criticism, things haven't always been smooth sailing for Ina, either.  I think that some of the difference may be that Ina offers quality recipes, while Ree's recipes are a lower quality and are repetitious, imho.

[Qoass]

That's the way of the web. See also Daphne Oz, late of The Chew.

[cathy]

I just saw a commercial she did about the Pillsbury bake off.  So she is involved in that.  This year it is about submitting family recipies along with the stories that go with them.  I could not find whether she is a judge or not.  Maybe my entry will be about my ancestor out west who cheated the local Osage Indians out of money and land, but baked them some yummy bread (THE BREAD of course).  That is a charming story.  Or my current family, who abuse the local water rights, hogging the waters that flow in streams and depriving the other ranchers of water for their cattle.  The other ranchers are mad, but can't do anything about this, as my family is very politically powerful, very well connected, partially because they have special parties for all the local Judges, attorneys, bar association, etc. in their "lodge" with gourmet food and expensive liquor.  I would also add that my relative's best friend is the wife of a local judge.  Or my story could be of me, a very ambitious social climber, businesswoman, phony, faux cook, who targeted the biggest catch in the state and got him.  Another possible entry could be a recipie from my dad, who one anonymous Pawhuska local said online that he is known to be an asshole, but that is ok as he is a surgeon, and therefore allowed.  My story could be of my late dog Charlie, whom I exploited for money.  Or my story could be of my husband's glorious ass, or his muscular arms, but no recipie could do him justice, so I will have to pick something else.  Maybe the dessert I baked for Ladd's cousin Thatcher after he got out of jail for punching a police officer.  Oh wait, none of my reeple know about that story, as I only put up false, or sanitized versions of my life.  Maybe something my retarded brother likes, that will make me look like a nice person.  I have reams of unhealthy recipies to choose from.  I saw this commercial on food network watching Valerie Bertinelli.  I like her, she seems like a sincere person, but I wonder if she will cash in like Martha and Ree with a cooking line.  On Ree's website she has an article about how she and Ladd prank each other with the rubber snakes.  If that is true, it is kind of childish, and boring.  Despite how they portray themselves, they are both university educated multi-millionaires  who are worldly and sophisticated.  Just another "act" to entertain her reeple, who are impressed by this.  Does anyone know how Cowby Pete died?  She did not say how on her website.  

[grisgris]

 I checked in with our friend, Lura. Some of you may not know that she and her husband live in California where those horrible fires are raging. She said that the flames are still far away and they are safe. A childhood neighbor of mine live in roughly the same area as Lura and said that the cars in their driveway are covered with ash -- that's how bad the winds are. Thoughts and prayers to everybody out there who are facing that conflagration. I hope the area gets some much-needed rain, soon!

[ariel]

I'm sending good safe wishes & prayers to Lura & her family.  I wish I could send all the rain we have had her way.

[grisgris]

I got invited to a Halloween party and actually this year, I came up with an idea for a costume.

However, I thought that if it were a soiree well-attended by fellow foodies, it would be so much fun to go as Ree! It would be easy to pull together. Long clown red wig, heavy black eyeliner, chunky earrings, and I am sure you could find a hoard of fugly flowy tops at any thrift store. I even have cowboy boots!

Alas, the crowd at this gathering would have no earthy idea who Ree is. As it's an artsy-fartsy group, I'm going as Edie Sedgwick. More accurately, her aged and bigger (literally) sister. I am a good half foot or so taller than she was and well, anybody would be heavier, so I won't go there. LOL!

Question. I ordered a black/white striped boatneck tshirt from eBay for dirt cheap as well as a black mini skirt to wear over black tights. Then I thought ... during election season I got the Warhol-inspired Hilary Clinton t-shirt which is on a black background. Since the party attendees are strong Dems, and Edie was Warhol's muse, if that would be funnier. I don't know. The striped shirt is brand new and it was under $15, so it's something I'd wear anyway. Decisions ... Decisions.  What do y'all think?  I have an old fake fur coat and am going to get a dark pixie wig and spray it silver. The fun part will be the makeup and I've been watching tons of tutorials on TY.

/small voice: Edie was cool, but going with Ree would be more meaningful if you get my drift!!

[chessiegal]

@grisgris - if Ree would be lost on your foodie friends, I'd go with Plan B. I find it highly amusing that Ree would be lost on foodies. ;-)
 

[Lura]

Thank you so much, grisgris and ariel.  We're about a 20-minute drive from the Napa fire, and safe.  The air is heavy with smoke, and schools are closed in our district. The real heroes are the firefighters, many of whom are fighting day and night with no sleep. 

You might be interested to know, as I was, that CA women in prison are helping to fight these fires.  (Sorry -- can't get rid of the italics.) These women can sign up for fire fighting training, as some have done for several years now.  They can't handle the water hoses, but they help untwist them and do many of the chores that normally would tie up the firemen and women, allowing the firefighters to concentrate on the fire itself.  It's grueling work.

[Lura]

Ah, grisgris, your creativity runneth wild!  The mere description of your "get up" has me laughing.  I'd go with the black and white striped top.  If your fellow revelers are the artsy fartsy type, I can see them appreciating your top more than a sweatshirt.  Keep Hillary in mind for next time, though, because a long, red wig sounds like a hoot!

[grisgris]

Ha! Ha! I guess I didn't explain very well. The people at the party I'm going to aren't into cooking at all and have probably never turned on FN, more or less Ree's show, so the Ree-clown-Joker costume would be completely lost on them. Now, if I were going to a Halloween party with you guys, we'd probably have an entire room full of "Ree's" or take-offs of some of Aunt Sandy's Halloween ensembles, although hers would be hard to top!

Hopefully, at least a few of them will surely know who Edie Segwick was ???  If they don't then, I give up.  I'm sticking with that because I just want to do the makeup. That'll be the most fun part of the whole evening, I'm sure.

[peacheslatour]

grisgris, would you be cool with cutting the sleeves off your Hillary t-shirt? That might give it a more punk vibe.

[grisgris]

Yeah! That's a great idea! Not like I'm going to be wearing the HRC shirt for it's rightful purpose in the near future. That is perfect because we'll be indoors and outside and that heavy faux fur coat's going to be hot indoors all evening.  Thanks, peaches!

[HyeChaps]

This discussion has inspired me to dress as Ree for Halloween. I work in a bookstore. Co-workers and customers will know who I am. 

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, grisgris said:

Yeah! That's a great idea! Not like I'm going to be wearing the HRC shirt for it's rightful purpose in the near future. That is perfect because we'll be indoors and outside and that heavy faux fur coat's going to be hot indoors all evening.  Thanks, peaches!

You bet, pal. I only thought of it because I went as a punk rocker a few years ago and used my old Ramones Rocket to Russia tour t-shirt. It was pretty beat up anyway so I cut the sleeves off of it. I also covered everything in safety pins and spiked my hair, which was hard because my hair is fairly long. Thank heavens for Aqua Net.

[grisgris]

1 hour ago, HyeChaps said:

This discussion has inspired me to dress as Ree for Halloween. I work in a bookstore. Co-workers and customers will know who I am. 

Thumbs up! Make sure it's a Joker-face Ree and when you talk to people, make a concerted effort to not pronounce the "ing" from words! LOL! Send photos, please!!

[Lura]

Grisgris, do you have any long gold or silver chain necklaces you could wear?  They were so "in" in the 70s and into the 80s.  I'm talking about very thin necklaces that hung down almost to the waist.  QVC used to carry them and could hardly keep them in stock.  Now. they're hard to find.  I can't imagine that Edie wouldn't have worn those.  It's too bad you can't take along a few bottles of prescription meds and a syringe of drugs while you're at it!  I know you're going to look like the cat's meow!  Don't forget the pics, please!

[Jaded]

Ree is on QVC this morning. Not her first rodeo I know...

[rocketinu]

I  also just saw her in a new tv ad advertising the Pillsbury bake off. Happy Sunday!

[cathy]

I missed it.  David Venable is fun to watch.  He gets a commission on everything he sells.  If he weren't gay he would be the perfect husband.  For a humble, meek, agoraphobic, down home simple ranch wife Ree sure gets around.

[rocketinu]

I just checked in. I missed it also. She has already sold over 19,000 cookbooks. A good hour's work. Damn.