Shame-Free Zone

[algebra]

I just watched Joe's story. To my recollection, he was the first participant who lived alone. He still had a sister and a mother who loved him and were trying to care for him as best as they knew how. His mother ends up accompanying him to Houston.

I loved how that a dietician came to his home and actually looked in his refrigerator. I wish there was a third alternative to home or hospitalization. I can imagine a beautiful setting in the country where Joe and his cohorts are pampered, affirmed, and are fed delectable fruits and vegetables.

I think a lot of these people need someone to tell them that they are brave and wonderful.

Of course, we could all use a little of that...

[algebra]

Right there, you said Joeys mom and sister love him. They brought him food, and lots of it.

That's not love. That's abuse. If he were an alcoholic, would you call it "love" if they were bringing him booze?

Food is not love. That is probably one of the biggest fallacies in the world, the belief that food is love. If you did something good when you were a child, in addition to praise, were you given a treat? If you did something wrong, was dessert denied? If so, you associated food with parental approval and affection. When you eat, you feel loved.

But it's a lie: food isn't love, and the people who bring you food don't love you.

[algebra]

I was listening to a radio show today, some doctor has rented a local theater to show FedUp. He went on and on for an hour. So I googled it. Lots of hype about how it's going to change everything we know about diet and exercise? But according to Wikipedia, it's about all the added sugar in our food. And government sugar subsidies.

This isn't news. There's always been added sugar in processed foods, as far back as I can remember. I recall a conversation about our "sugar oriented society" with a neighbor back around 1973. Everybody I knew was watching "Crocketts Victory Garden" and growing their own vegetables in public gardening plots. We were reading Adele Davis' books on nutrition. The word was out: processed foods are bad for you. Preservatives, according to Davis, caused cancer. Then she died of cancer and some famous exercise advocate, I have forgotten his name, died of a heart attack. So that was that.

But the nutritional labels and lists of ingredients on all processed foods remained for people to read. Aerobics were all the rage. Women started weight training. If you watch old movies you will start to notice the actresses were slim, but their arms had poor muscle tone; now sexy women have muscles.

What happened? I think fat acceptance happened. I have met so many obese teenaged girls and they don't care. All their friends are fat. I see wedding announcements in the newspapers and think if a girl was that fat in her early 20s when I was young, nobody would have gone out with her, much less married her! And if you weigh 200# at 20, you are more likely to weigh 300# at 30, 400# at 40...by the time these kids decide they need to lose weight, it's too late.

A slim friend of mine, back in the 80s, related how when she went to her doctor for her annual checkup, she had gained 5#. She told her doctor "that's not too bad," and he said "yes it is, if you gain 5# every year, by the time you are menopausal you will have gained 125# and you won't be able to lose it." He told her to lose that extra 5# immediately. And that's why I'm working hard to lose my extra 15# now. I can't imagine what some of these people are going through.

[scowl]

A slim friend of mine, back in the 80s, related how when she went to her doctor for her annual checkup, she had gained 5#. She told her doctor "that's not too bad," and he said "yes it is, if you gain 5# every year, by the time you are menopausal you will have gained 125# and you won't be able to lose it." He told her to lose that extra 5# immediately. And that's why I'm working hard to lose my extra 15# now. I can't imagine what some of these people are going through.

That's what I'm doing. If you want to avoid gaining weight it's not that much trouble to monitor it and adjust your diet accordingly. I am pissed at the people telling me that I shouldn't bother stepping on a scale because I'm not "fat" and rolling their eyes at me whenever I choose not to eat something. I can easily gain ten pounds, and that's a lot harder to lose than five pounds at my age. I see people gaining small amounts of weight every year. They simply buy bigger clothes and ignore it. I guess if you're not an athlete or a model, you shouldn't care about how much you weigh. 

 

I wonder if these shows make people think that diets must always be about losing incredible amounts of weight and every diet must be a torturous journey.  If you can maintain your ideal weight by eliminating 500 calories a day then why not do it? You just eat a little less. 

[ethalfrida]

I think Fed Up is a great documentary. It has lots of information that people either don't know or choose to ignore in other forms. It is a struggle to get it all in line so I can sympathize with those who just can't seem to get it started. But you have to make the commitment to yourself. You have to want it and that, I found, is what the difference is. Researching and educating oneself about food, fitness, nutrition and all that goes with it will boost success efforts.

 

I have stopped watching The Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss. They are product driven (and horrible products at that) and they practice unsafe physical fitness. I feel sorry for the people who are supposed to be helped. Hardly any of those practices will give them lasting self-motivated support.

 

If someone handed them a list of 1900 calorie meals that included chocolate cake, bacon, eggs, chicken and rice, etc. I bet they wouldn't believe it. I think some think they will starve if they didn't eat the 3500 calorie meals they were used to. That, we know, is not true. 1900 calories is way filling. At El Pollo Loco that is three huge chicken salads and three drumsticks with some left calories left over. 

 

After getting the list it should be pointed it that it says "a slice of chocolate cake" not the entire cake as one meal. It says "2 slices of bacon and 2 eggs" not a dozen each. The problem is convincing them they need to eat less but that they can be satisfied.

[non sequitur]

What happened? I think fat acceptance happened. I have met so many obese teenaged girls and they don't care. All their friends are fat. I see wedding announcements in the newspapers and think if a girl was that fat in her early 20s when I was young, nobody would have gone out with her, much less married her! And if you weigh 200# at 20, you are more likely to weigh 300# at 30, 400# at 40...by the time these kids decide they need to lose weight, it's too late.

 

You are right, society has changed so much regarding fat acceptance.  Those words sound harsh about attitudes towards obese girls in the past, but they are absolutely true. My friend was obese in her mid 20's and lost about 60 pounds for the wedding, and then gained about 160 pounds back over time.  So being over 350 pounds will be a very difficult challenge to lose while getting older.

Edited August 5, 2015 by non sequitur

[HalcyonDays]

After getting the list it should be pointed it that it says "a slice of chocolate cake" not the entire cake as one meal. It says "2 slices of bacon and 2 eggs" not a dozen each. The problem is convincing them they need to eat less but that they can be satisfied.

 

Portion control for sure. But even the choices out there can be deceiving. We all have been told time and time again that salad is low calorie and healthy. But is it really? The ones at McDonald's, for example, have more calories than a Big Mac, because people totally forget that the dressing is pretty much oil, and there is 100 calories in a tsp of oil. So someone orders a salad in a restaurant thinking they are being healthy, but they are so not.

 

For boredom, I just looked up the nutritional menu at TGI Friday's. Their Pecan Crusted Chicken salad (YUM!) is 1080 calories and 16 grams of fat. Their Bruschetta Chicken pasta (and pasta is supposed to be a no-no), is 950 calories, 8 grams fat. A 10 oz steak with JD sauce? 480 calories. Side of fries? 380 calories.

 

So it's just as you guys said - poor decisions but also in a way, I think we are brainwashed that certain foods are BAD, when in reality maybe not so much (in terms of caloric content). And the only way to lose weight is to a) boost your metabolism and b) burn more calories than you take in.

 

But if these guys ordered a steak with fries, or a pasta, they get sideeye, but it is the better choice than the salad, that they are "supposed" to be eating. Crazy.

 

You are right, society has changed so much regarding fat acceptance.

 

Part of it is society too. Grocery stores give us tons of (relatively) affordable food in huge quantities. Most of the lower classes (maybe even middle) didn't have this in the 1930's. You grew a lot of your own food and butchered it, or preserved it. Many people did lots more physical labour on a daily basis to survive. That's not the way now. Less activity, more food options, etc.

 

That's why we have a culture of obesity now for most people. EXCEPT the wealthy.

 

Did you guys ever watch a show called "The Supersizers....". A British show where the two hosts - Sue Perkins and Giles Coren - would live, dress and eat like the people did in a certain time period. So they did ones like the 70's, Victorian England and during the time of Henry VIII. And I remember them saying how FULL they were all of the time, and that some of the meals were easily 5000 calories, full of fatty stuff, coupled with lots of alcohol, that they consumed several times a day. So nothing have changed. The nobility/rich ate just as richly but badly and ate too much as we do now. The difference is we now have that option too. I miss that show actually. Really interesting.

[scowl]

Portion control for sure. But even the choices out there can be deceiving. We all have been told time and time again that salad is low calorie and healthy. But is it really? The ones at McDonald's, for example, have more calories than a Big Mac, because people totally forget that the dressing is pretty much oil, and there is 100 calories in a tsp of oil. So someone orders a salad in a restaurant thinking they are being healthy, but they are so not.

I wouldn't call something unhealthy because it has more calories than you might think. So you eat a salad and a small drink instead of a Big Mac, a large soda, a large fries, and a regular McFlurry like most people would eat.

[HalcyonDays]

I wouldn't call something unhealthy because it has more calories than you might think. So you eat a salad and a small drink instead of a Big Mac, a large soda, a large fries, and a regular McFlurry like most people would eat.

 

I had to work late today (last minute) and in turn, didn't have any lunch with me. Because little time, I bought roasted red pepper hummus (with a handful of crackers) and nut and dried fruit little 50g pack. Hummus/crackers. 470 calories and 33% saturated fats. Nuts and fruit - 340 calories with 19% saturated fats. I bought that thinking I would be "healthy" and noted the calorie content when eating it because of this thread, BTW. Still ate it because I was hungry but was annoyed at those numbers.

 

I would have been better off with a McD's hamburger (240 calories 8 grams of fat) and small fries (240 calories 11 grams of fat) and a coffee. I was honestly trying to choose healthy and it backfired bigtime. Sigh.

 

A small salad and small drink is not filling though, and you are comparing it to a massive meal that is way to big for me (and Flurry's are good but too sweet). One other problem with eating "like a bird" is that one feels hungry soon after, therefore snacks on junk food or quick food (see above).

 

I guess I was just trying to say that what some people consider "healthy food" may not be so healthy after all, and conversely, sometimes that "bad" food (like the whole no eggs! yolks bad! from a few years ago) and better for you than we think,

[ethalfrida]

But, HalcynonDays, a calorie is not a calorie. You chose wisely instead of the small drink, hamburger and fries. What you chose was healthy fats and grains. That hamburger has little nutritional value for you. And saturated fats are no longer vilified like they were. Take avocados or coconut oil, for example. Those are heavy fat items but the healthiest ever. High calories but the body will process them well. As opposed to the drink which will mess with your kidneys and insulin, the burger which is probably totally GMO and contain all kinds of chemicals. If you are saying you erred with the caloric amount then you erred on the side of your health.

 

Don't eat like a bird, eat like someone who enjoys great food and good health. 

 

I love your posts!

Edited August 7, 2015 by ethalfrida

[4leafclover]

I have to agree, and another thing with the McD's dinner is sodium and carbs--those two things should be considered when making healthy choices as well. 

[HalcyonDays]

I have to agree, and another thing with the McD's dinner is sodium and carbs--those two things should be considered when making healthy choices as well.

 

This is honestly fascinating to me!! This: If what I ate had more unhealthy saturated fatsl, but less carbs bur neutral salt... So what? The fascinating thing I find about "proper" food consumption is the particular focuses. One study claims saturated fats are bad. Another post says sodium and carbs. Another will claim that only organic works. So what is right? Fact is, it's all a marketing term and utterly meaningless. I want to eat meat with no preservates, but know dead-on that companies make this claim and then reject it.

[algebra]

I wonder if these shows make people think that diets must always be about losing incredible amounts of weight and every diet must be a torturous journey. If you can maintain your ideal weight by eliminating 500 calories a day then why not do it? You just eat a little less.

 

I was out with friends last night. They are obese. The event we attended had free "heavy appetizers" which meant you could make a meal out of them. They were raving about the food. "Looks good but I'm on a diet," I said. That's all I said about it.

Now, I'm standing there in a size 8 dress not eating anything because I'm on a diet, and they are both easily in the 300+ range and have plates piled high with food.

Then they ordered ala carte. Plates of entrees with French fries on the side. I'm still eating nothing. Do they notice that nobody else is eating as much as they are? Or are they eating more because, in a very contrary way, my telling them I'm dieting triggered some kind of self-destructive response?

The last few days all cravings have stopped. I think it's like any addiction, after a while some people get over it. my husband is an alcoholic who gave up drinking years ago; he says he no longer has any desire for alcohol. On the other hand, my father quit smoking when he was 40 but said, during the remaining 32 years of his life, that he never got over the craving for nicotine. My father in law gave up drinking but found himself craving sweets.

I have noticed 2 things which stop cravings: (1) give up the diet sodas, sugar substitutes, etc. the data is in: people who drink diet sodas gain weight. There's a variety of possible explanations, involving the taste telling your pancreas to produce insulin which makes you hungry, or it alters your intestinal flora. Never mind: just don't use artificial sweeteners! This is why the diet shakes don't work!

(2) add salt. Sometimes when you are not really hungry but you have a craving, all you are craving is sodium.

The last few days, my diet has consisted of:

Brunch: one cup cottage cheese and a piece of fruit or juice. By that I mean, half a cantaloupe, or 1/4 of a watermelon, or 8 ounces of apple cider. (I get apples for free and have a lot of cider)

Snack: black coffee

Dinner: big pile of steamed broccoli without butter or anything on it, or a huge mixed salad with romaine, red cabbage and shredded carrots, 2 tablespoons of Italian dressing made with olive oil and no sugar, and 4-6 ounces lean meat (turkey, chicken or beef) or fish (tuna or salmon), or a few mozzarella cheese sticks.

Snack: tea, unsweetened, hot or cold

And that's it. I'm not hungry and I have no cravings. Because I have done this before, I know from this point on it will be easier. It takes a while to get to this point; I had to give up bread for a week before the craving for it stopped. Carbohydrate addiction is real.

Edited August 8, 2015 by HalcyonDays
Combined back-to-back double post.

[4leafclover]

@HalcyonDays--if anything, this discussion proves what my nutritionist/dietician has been trying to teach me--that moderation is the key to success in the battle to lose weight.  I am slowly learning that my previous "trigger" foods are not bad per se, but rather I need to learn to work them into my menu on the days I choose to indulge.  Yes, it is a balancing act and a pain-in-the-you-know-where but after awhile it becomes second nature and eventually you learn that food is not bad in general, but sometimes our approach to food can be bad.  

[ethalfrida]

This is honestly fascinating to me!! This: If what I ate had more unhealthy saturated fatsl, but less carbs bur neutral salt... So what? The fascinating thing I find about "proper" food consumption is the particular focuses. One study claims saturated fats are bad. Another post says sodium and carbs. Another will claim that only organic works. So what is right? Fact is, it's all a marketing term and utterly meaningless. I want to eat meat with no preservates, but know dead-on that companies make this claim and then reject it.

Some sources are more reliable than others. Some sources are funded, driven and/or supported by "big pharma"; who, If they really had our best intentions at the forefront, would have us all doing weight training as soon as modern life indicated we would be sitting for the better part of our days. If it hadn't been for the Mayo clinic then I wouldn't have sought out acupuncture as an option in treating my overall health. If it hadn't been for some Canadian food research it would never have been known that Canola oil is a GMO product that is promoted as organic and healthy. Dr. Mercola, who lives what he promotes, is another reliable source who discusses fats. No, saturated fats are not the demons they were said to be.

 

It takes a lot of work to sort it all out for yourself. And that is something those with severe eating disorders will not/do not know to do. They are probably not even interested in knowing. But it's like algebra says... once you know and once you get out of the craving stage you fget over it. But we all have our trials. Mine is a gimongus sweet tooth. Haven't even tried to not eat sugar but put all my effort into choosing which sweets I want. I have a huge bowl of candy on my coffee table that I don't even touch and I really like what's in there. But that wouldn't happen with pound cake so I bake one, get a slice or two and then give the rest away or freeze it.

 

And organic is better but there are other clean options therefore making organic not the only game. Things like avocados do not need to be organic. There is a list called clean 15 that is very useful. Any fruit or produce whose sticker starts with a 9 is organic. One that begins with a 4 is raised traditionally meaning it is not GMO but pesticides were used. If it begins with a 3 then it is GMO.

 

I also find these discussions, especially this one, fascinating. It helps vary one's options and points of view to read what other think.

[notyrmomma]

So I had an observation today that may be slightly off where this discussion is currently. My family and I went to South Beach in Miami and for the first time I noticed that probably about 3/4 of the people there were overweight or obease....and many of those women were wearing bikinis, and actually rocking them (unafraid and letting their picture be taken!). I thought that was kind of nice and I wish I would have felt that free at 300 lbs! I had avoided the beach for decades! And i don't think I would know where to get a plus size bikini if I wanted one. I said to my husband, "it figures, now that I lost this weight fat is back in style" LOL

[legaleagle53]

So I had an observation today that may be slightly off where this discussion is currently. My family and I went to South Beach in Miami and for the first time I noticed that probably about 3/4 of the people there were overweight or obease....and many of those women were wearing bikinis, and actually rocking them (unafraid and letting their picture be taken!). I thought that was kind of nice and I wish I would have felt that free at 300 lbs! I had avoided the beach for decades! And i don't think I would know where to get a plus size bikini if I wanted one. I said to my husband, "it figures, now that I lost this weight fat is back in style" LOL

 

On the other hand, think of how much healthier you are now and how much longer you're likely to live after having lost all that weight; you'll have that many more years to rock a bikini.  I think that's a more than fair exchange!  :)

[HalcyonDays]

@HalcyonDays--if anything, this discussion proves what my nutritionist/dietician has been trying to teach me--that moderation is the key to success in the battle to lose weight.

 

Your nutritionist sounds good. Mr. HD went to see one, because he was just diagnosed with the usual HBP, cholesteral, etc from poor eating. And yes, we eat like crap at times (okay, a lot). His is the sweet tooth (yuk, too much sugar), mine is salt and salt and salt - but only when I am PMSing - then the craving for potato chips is insane. Otherwise, not too bad. ANYWAY, so he goes to a nutritionist and some of the stuff he told her - yeah, no. She had somewhat of an idea in some cases (harped on diet coke) but clueless in other things she said.

 

Because now he has actually - shockingly enough - making an effort to cut back on certain things, I'm following suit just because why not, so maybe I'll see some results in a few months. Also, when I cook something, I get to do the healthier stuff. Before if I tried this, he'd be like "meh, not interested". Now that he actually feel sick, he's suddenly more agreeable. Funny how that works.

 

But eating a variety of foods in moderation is I think the key.

 

Some sources are more reliable than others. Some sources are funded, driven and/or supported by "big pharma"; who, If they really had our best intentions at the forefront, would have us all doing weight training as soon as modern life indicated we would be sitting for the better part of our days.

 

Isn't that the truth. So much "research" is motivated by money. The Egg farmers want you to believe that eggs are good, the veggie farmers want you to eat more veggies. Coke says that the fake sweetener is proven safe (by their own funded research) and that HBP pill is perfectly fine and will help you with your diet and longevity, says Big Pharma (just ignore the page-long side effects)

 

And saturated fats are no longer vilified like they were. Take avocados or coconut oil, for example. Those are heavy fat items but the healthiest ever. High calories but the body will process them well.

 

ethalfrida, I just looked at the package again and I was wrong. Saturated fats yes, but zero trans fats for both. I thought it was all trans fats. But still. A calorie may not be a calorie, but don't saturated fats (not trans) get stored as fat also for later energy utilization. So either way, I don't win. Still amazed at the amount of calories. But I am not giving up my hummus, dammit!

 

I also find these discussions, especially this one, fascinating. It helps vary one's options and points of view to read what other think.

 

That's why I love that MaryHedwig created this thread - allows us to share our stories and experiences and learn from them.

[ethalfrida]

HalcyonDays, no way on giving up the hummus. That is some grand eating! I just don't eat the pita bread as much. Even though I don't have a problem with gluten I am just not into the brad as much these days... unless it is good old fashioned, not sweet cornbread. And haven't tried that with hummus.

 

I eat lots of eggs, scrambled, boiled, raw in smoothies, on top of Bibimbap (a Korean dish where the food cooks the egg). I eat organic, free range brown. And I don't care what they say about there being no difference between the brown and white. The brown yolks are deeper in color therefore my cakes are richer looking.

 

I don't know if you have read this but here is the article on saturated fats:

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/09/01/enjoy-saturated-fats-theyre-good-for-you.aspx

[algebra]

HalcyonDays, no way on giving up the hummus. That is some grand eating! I just don't eat the pita bread as much. Even though I don't have a problem with gluten I am just not into the brad as much these days... unless it is good old fashioned, not sweet cornbread. And haven't tried that with hummus.

I eat lots of eggs, scrambled, boiled, raw in smoothies, on top of Bibimbap (a Korean dish where the food cooks the egg). I eat organic, free range brown. And I don't care what they say about there being no difference between the brown and white. The brown yolks are deeper in color therefore my cakes are richer looking.

I don't know if you have read this but here is the article on saturated fats:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/09/01/enjoy-saturated-fats-theyre-good-for-you.aspx

[algebra]

I only buy omega eggs, found out many many years ago that regular chicken eggs gave me terrible acne. Who would have thought?

I raise ducks. Duck eggs are superior for baking but I don't care for them boiled poached or fried. So this spring, because I was trying to lose weight, the baking stopped and the duck eggs went into the incubator instead of the refrigerator.

My husband makes comments about "how many ducks do you need?" But I always say " they're so cute, and they control insects." Sure but they do poop on everything!

You really need to look for the omega -3 fats, avoid the omega-6 fats, the trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, anything with corn in it, and the artificial sweeteners.

[ethalfrida]

Algebra, I totally wish I could buy your duck eggs! They make the best mayo and pound cakes ever. There was a little farm stand in the neighborhood that used to sell them to whoever got there first. I paid $11 for 4 duck eggs and 3 hen eggs...

[Christina]

My story is a bit different and I really don't take my weight loss very well.  I started out at 392 pounds although I didn't know it at the time.  I knew I had health problems due to my weight (high blood pressure) although I was lucky not to have diabetes (or even prediabetes) and my cholesterol levels were fine.  I really didn't have time to follow any diet program because my wife had a stroke and I was too busy taking care of her to take care of myself so I just didn't think about it too much.  Sadly, my wife passed away three months ago and I tried to commit suicide the same day.  For some reason that I still don't understand, I survived.  The funny thing that happened was that all of my health problems were taken care of by being in the hospital.  What's even stranger is that I have lost about 75 pounds in these past three months due to the medication I'm taking and loss of appetite.  The one thing that everyone talks about is the weight loss as if something wonderful has happened.   Even my doctors don't seem all that worried because obesity is so bad.  I feel like screaming every time that someone compliments me because to me, it's just a reminder of all that I've lost.  I don't know why I'm sharing this--maybe it's just because people are obese for different reasons and people lose weight for different reasons.  I don't know if I will ever get to a "normal" weight at any point--it's too soon to say at this time whether or not I can follow through or even if I want to do so.  I don't think I'm being a Penny or Pauline about this (I'm not bedbound by any means and can even wash all the parts of my body!) but motivation to change is a hard thing to find sometimes.  Maybe the motivation will come to them (and myself) at some point--there's always a chance that it will.

 

My condolences on your loss, Mybrainhurts. Any serious loss in my life also results in weight loss, usually of about 20 lbs. and I am at an average weight for my height. Maybe your doctors aren't concerned in part because weight loss as a result of stress is common, and at your weight 75 lbs wasn't a concern.

 

As time goes on, it's hard to know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. Some people don't want it brought up to them constantly, and others don't mind receiving an acknowledgement. It's possible that people are offering congratulations on your weight loss because they think it is positive, and don't realize it is making your think of your losses. It's okay to say, "I wish it was for a positive reason," and/or "It's not a good thing; I really don't want to talk about it." Unless you do want to talk about it. A support system is a great thing to have, and true friends won't push you to talk if your not ready.

 

There are many medicines that cause loss of appetite. If you haven't told your doctor, you should, so that it can be changed. No matter what your weight, having no appetite is not healthy. Lack of appetite is messing with your brain chemistry, and can actually cause depression to be worse. I speak from experience. A lot of medicines take several weeks to regulate in your system, and then the side effects resolve. If you have been on that medicine for a while and still have a loss of appetite, I suggest asking for a different one.

[scowl]

A small salad and small drink is not filling though, and you are comparing it to a massive meal that is way too big for me (and Flurry's are good but too sweet).

 

I don't want a meal to be "filling". If feel full, that means I ate too much. 

[Mybrainhurts]

My condolences on your loss, Mybrainhurts. Any serious loss in my life also results in weight loss, usually of about 20 lbs. and I am at an average weight for my height. Maybe your doctors aren't concerned in part because weight loss as a result of stress is common, and at your weight 75 lbs wasn't a concern.

As time goes on, it's hard to know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. Some people don't want it brought up to them constantly, and others don't mind receiving an acknowledgement. It's possible that people are offering congratulations on your weight loss because they think it is positive, and don't realize it is making your think of your losses. It's okay to say, "I wish it was for a positive reason," and/or "It's not a good thing; I really don't want to talk about it." Unless you do want to talk about it. A support system is a great thing to have, and true friends won't push you to talk if your not ready.

There are many medicines that cause loss of appetite. If you haven't told your doctor, you should, so that it can be changed. No matter what your weight, having no appetite is not healthy. Lack of appetite is messing with your brain chemistry, and can actually cause depression to be worse. I speak from experience. A lot of medicines take several weeks to regulate in your system, and then the side effects resolve. If you have been on that medicine for a while and still have a loss of appetite, I suggest asking for a different one.

 

Thank you for the kind thoughts, Christina.  I guess the reason I'm upset about the doctors and my friends is that ever since my wife passed away, everything has changed for the worse and now even my body doesn't feel like my own anymore.  When the weight loss is the only thing focused on by everyone, it feels like nothing else matters except something that I really had nothing to do with, that I have no pride in because it is just a side effect of what happened. That's also why I talked about motivation or the lack thereof--I know my motivation is not as high as it could be because of this and maybe some of the people who appear on the show don't really want to lose weight for their own reasons.  That certainly would seem to be the case for Penny and possibly some of the others who had so much trouble losing weight even after the operation.  I just wanted to comment that sometimes these things are more complicated than what we see on the show.

 

As for my medication, I'm talking to the doctors this week because my appetite is still pretty low and I've been taking it for three months. I'm not sure if it will be changed because otherwise it's working pretty well but at least they will know what's happening.

[HalcyonDays]

I don't want a meal to be "filling". If feel full, that means I ate too much. 

 

True. I hate - hate - with a passion that feeling when one eats way too much. Blah. Yeah but I also don't want a meal that in two hours, I feel hungry again and then get tempted to snack on crappy food. A small plate of salad and water won't do it. (neither will a small salad or coke). It needs to have some substance. That's the balance.

 

ETA:

I guess the reason I'm upset about the doctors and my friends is that ever since my wife passed away, everything has changed for the worse and now even my body doesn't feel like my own anymore.<snip> I just wanted to comment that sometimes these things are more complicated than what we see on the show.

 

Omg, Mybrainhurts, your post made me totally cry. My condolensces over the passing of your wife, firstly. *longpause*

 

WHY is it that so many people just don't get it. Your loss of your beloved wife is devastating, therefore it affects you emotionally and physically. Why do people not get that?? I am truly amazed at humans inability to not understand basic emotion and basic human bonding.

[scowl]

True. I hate - hate - with a passion that feeling when one eats way too much. Blah. Yeah but I also don't want a meal that in two hours, I feel hungry again and then get tempted to snack on crappy food.

When I'm on a diet, I know I'm going to be hungry a lot of the time. I know it will not kill me and it's certainly not the worst feeling I've ever experienced.

[Brooklynista]

The ONLY thing Dr. Oz has said that I halfway listened to was Hunger was the weight loss happening.

I try to keep that on mind when I'm at my desk and I'm convinced I'll die if I don't eat a package of Oreos.

[algebra]

True. I hate - hate - with a passion that feeling when one eats way too much. Blah. Yeah but I also don't want a meal that in two hours, I feel hungry again and then get tempted to snack on crappy food. A small plate of salad and water won't do it. (neither will a small salad or coke). It needs to have some substance. That's the balance.

Omg, Mybrainhurts, your post made me totally cry. My condolensces over the passing of your wife, firstly. *longpause*

WHY is it that so many people just don't get it. Your loss of your beloved wife is devastating, therefore it affects you emotionally and physically. Why do people not get that?? I am truly amazed at humans inability to not understand basic emotion and basic human bonding.

[algebra]

It is possible they misunderstand the cause of the weight loss. Often when people undergo a life-changing event like divorce, death, job loss, cancer, they set On a course of self-improvement, losing weight, going back to school, adopting a healthier lifestyle. Your friends may see your weight loss and mistakenly believe you are behaving in a positive way. They may think you are keeping busy with an exercise program or gym membership, and consider the change in your appearance as a sign that you are coping very well. But you aren't, and nobody is going to understand that unless you tell them.

[Mybrainhurts]

Omg, Mybrainhurts, your post made me totally cry. My condolensces over the passing of your wife, firstly. *longpause*

WHY is it that so many people just don't get it. Your loss of your beloved wife is devastating, therefore it affects you emotionally and physically. Why do people not get that?? I am truly amazed at humans inability to not understand basic emotion and basic human bonding.

 

Thank you for your kind words, HalcyonDays and I'm sorry for making you cry.  I think that a lot of people don't understand because death is a frightening concept, especially the death of someone so close like a spouse.  It scares people to think that any of us could lose the person they love most in the world at any moment so they focus on anything but that.  In my case, it happens to be the weight loss.  I can understand it in a way but it still feels really bizarre to have something that really isn't an accomplishment to me (I lost the weight due to a simple side effect from a drug and grief) considered as such.

 

 

It is possible they misunderstand the cause of the weight loss. Often when people undergo a life-changing event like divorce, death, job loss, cancer, they set On a course of self-improvement, losing weight, going back to school, adopting a healthier lifestyle. Your friends may see your weight loss and mistakenly believe you are behaving in a positive way. They may think you are keeping busy with an exercise program or gym membership, and consider the change in your appearance as a sign that you are coping very well. But you aren't, and nobody is going to understand that unless you tell them.

 

Unfortunately, Algebra, the people who are most enthusiastic about my weight loss are the people who know that isn't what happened.  They know there were days where I couldn't get off the couch because all I was doing was crying. They know I'm not coping well--in fact, I've even been told that "people die every day" and I should be doing better in getting my life back on track.  I'm assuming that they don't know what else to say so the weight loss is what they happen to focus on.

 

I know I'm a pretty unique case in this situation so using my example is probably not the best one to understand motivation for weight loss.  I also know that some of the people profiled on this show really are people who weren't motivated at all to lose weight but who decided to do the show for their own bizarre reasons (Penny and Pauline being the prime examples, of course).  I just wanted to say that weight loss is extremely complicated and that while it's easy to look at Penny as the "typical" recalcitrant obese person, there are other stories out there and mine just happened to be one of them.

[HalcyonDays]

Thank you for your kind words, HalcyonDays and I'm sorry for making you cry.

 

Never ever be sorry, man. If life experiences like yours didn't make me (and others) cry, then what I have always believed is coming true. People are "hardening their hearts" and are just plain cold unfeeling people. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be dead inside, so please, never feel bad about sharing your experiences. It all brings us closer. And I hope that in our little disembodied internet forum way, we can offer some support and good vibes and love to you.

 

 

I just wanted to say that weight loss is extremely complicated and that while it's easy to look at Penny as the "typical" recalcitrant obese person, there are other stories out there and mine just happened to be one of them.

 

Exactly. And that's what irks me about the whole "fat people just need to stop eating" judgemental BS that's out there. Yeah, people like me, who are incredibly lazy and drink too much wine and eat crap food - yeah, I know why I have the extra pounds. Not gonna deny it. But not everyone is the same as me. Most (not all) of these people profiled on the show have some mental illness, or suffer from depression or have medical illnesses or whatever that gets them to this weight. This whole mindset of "hey, you are fat and lazy and are eating too much just stop" drives me up the wall, because no one asks, WHY are you eating this much? Why do you have no energy (depression most likely). And for the record, I do think (never been diagnosed) I have bouts of depression, which is WHY I don't particularily about my health, eating, etc. I just can't be bothered because *shrug*

 

And the flipside is Mybrainhurts (love the moniker, BTW). Granted, people don't know about other's lives, but to "congratulate" and "praise" his (I assume you are a he, please correct me if wrong) weight loss, when the reason for said loss is absolutely devastating, is just wrong. Like, I totally think of TV and movies that would portray this mentality: "Sucks that you lost your spouse, but hey, on the bright side you look great from all of the weight you lost. Now you can fit into designer clothes!" Like, the being thin is more important than - I don't know - the actual lost of a loved one. Humans need to be more compassionate, not judgmental and not so focused on what someone looks like.

[DangerousMinds]

Thank you. I was beginning to doubt that this was a truly a "shame free zone."

[Mybrainhurts]

Never ever be sorry, man. If life experiences like yours didn't make me (and others) cry, then what I have always believed is coming true. People are "hardening their hearts" and are just plain cold unfeeling people. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be dead inside, so please, never feel bad about sharing your experiences. It all brings us closer. And I hope that in our little disembodied internet forum way, we can offer some support and good vibes and love to you.

 

Thank you again for all your kindness, HalcyonDays.  Honestly, I never thought that this forum would help me, but I do feel better.  It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand and wish me well.

 

Exactly. And that's what irks me about the whole "fat people just need to stop eating" judgemental BS that's out there. Yeah, people like me, who are incredibly lazy and drink too much wine and eat crap food - yeah, I know why I have the extra pounds. Not gonna deny it. But not everyone is the same as me. Most (not all) of these people profiled on the show have some mental illness, or suffer from depression or have medical illnesses or whatever that gets them to this weight. This whole mindset of "hey, you are fat and lazy and are eating too much just stop" drives me up the wall, because no one asks, WHY are you eating this much? Why do you have no energy (depression most likely). And for the record, I do think (never been diagnosed) I have bouts of depression, which is WHY I don't particularily about my health, eating, etc. I just can't be bothered because *shrug*

 

I don't think this attitude is going to change anytime soon.  What's strange to me is that people have become far more tolerant of alcoholics and drug addicts because they are suffering from a disease while obesity and depression are still considered to be shameful and easier to judge.  I know from experience that people will say that I should just snap out of my depression and that if I exercise more and eat less, everything will be fine.  It's not true--treating depression and obesity is a lot of work.  There are some days where even with my medications and my dietary changes, I'm exhausted and still feeling down (obviously, I'm not going to become thin overnight but if I'm not making daily progress, I'm lazy too!).   

 

And the flipside is Mybrainhurts (love the moniker, BTW). Granted, people don't know about other's lives, but to "congratulate" and "praise" his (I assume you are a he, please correct me if wrong) weight loss, when the reason for said loss is absolutely devastating, is just wrong. Like, I totally think of TV and movies that would portray this mentality: "Sucks that you lost your spouse, but hey, on the bright side you look great from all of the weight you lost. Now you can fit into designer clothes!" Like, the being thin is more important than - I don't know - the actual lost of a loved one. Humans need to be more compassionate, not judgmental and not so focused on what someone looks like.

 

Thank you about the name.  I kept it from my TWOP days because it still seems to fit after all this time of watching all these bad shows.  BTW, I am a woman but since I talk about my wife a lot and my name is gender neutral, it's easy to assume otherwise.  As far as people not knowing about each other's lives, it doesn't bother me if someone I don't know well congratulates or praises me--they don't know what happened and weight loss is usually considered a positive thing.  What really hurts is that the people who know what happened to me and supposedly care about me STILL react as if my weight loss came from a positive place, as if it is a consolation to me.  I never expected something like this to happen to me (we were together over 30 years and were supposed to die within hours of each other, like you hear about on TV) but now that it has, it's really strange to me that even people I love are extremely judgmental about my being a very depressed, obese person.  I just assumed that because no one said anything, it didn't matter.  Apparently, it does matter and I have to deal with it now.

 

Again, thank you all for letting me get this out of my system.  I really appreciate it.

[HalcyonDays]

Thank you again for all your kindness, HalcyonDays.  Honestly, I never thought that this forum would help me, but I do feel better.  It's nice to know that there are people out there who understand and wish me well.

Then this thread did what it intended to do. Make us all feel better. Thrilled! And we all wish you well.

 

I know from experience that people will say that I should just snap out of my depression and that if I exercise more and eat less, everything will be fine.

 

Biggest pile of bullshit ever. The people who say this, are those who have never, ever experienced depression. Idiots. Clueless idiots.

 

BTW, I am a woman but since I talk about my wife a lot and my name is gender neutral, it's easy to assume otherwise.

Yeah, I wasn't sure because for some reason, your first post, I thought you wrote something that indicated you were a "he", and then I was like, no man, you don't know for sure. Thank you for the clarification and it sounds like you two had a wonderful marriage! That makes me so happy!

 

we were together over 30 years and were supposed to die within hours of each other, like you hear about on TV.

Why are you making me cry again? Dear god, you broke my heart again. Stop doing that!! *biggianthug* Again, I am so glad that - hopefully - here on this thread, we can give you the love and compassion that you deserve, and at least provide a little support in whatever way we can. If we succeed, it's all worth it. I hope that you are healing, Mybrainhurts. You sound like such a lovely person.

 

................

 

Now here is a little story I need to share here, that is not meant to deflect from Mybrainhurts at all, but to show how fat-shaming is everywhere. First, in terms of how much "overweight" I am - about 50 lbs I think. Years and years ago, when I tried to be vegetarian in my early 20's, I used to workout in the gym for about 2 hours, then go kick male ass in the squash court. The smallest I ever managed to hit was 120 lbs (friggin' big European bones). So add 50 on top of that, is where I am now. I'm 5'6" and I am pretty flatchested too (thank god). Anyway, so I encountered an asshole customer tonight that legally I had to deny him the purchase. His response? "You're a fucking fat bitch."

 

Why yes. Yes I am.

 

But I find this interesting. It's the second time I've been insulted with those exact words (years apart), and both times just happen to be venom spewed from a young white male. Go figure. The go-to insult for a woman who is not model thin is "fat bitch". And this is the problem with society. It bothers me. Yeah, I'm 'fat', fuck you. But am I really? (probably) This guy was no thin slender bastard. But that's his immediate anger go-to response. Fat shaming + Misogyny. Women are "fat bitches", end of story.

 

I'm sharing this because it really made me think about this thread, and specifically about how certain cultures are so comfortable with the "fat" insult. Yet, there are other cultures who embrace a woman having some "meat", as it denotes her as being healthy, and therefore able to successfully carry a child.

[ethalfrida]

Sometimes when we try to help the results are very surprising...

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kristinchirico/i-asked-five-different-stylists-to-dress-me-in-flattering-ou#.trPZ9ZpoZP

[DangerousMinds]

What is surprising?

[HalcyonDays]

What is surprising?

 

What body type is considered attractive in various countries around the world. What the US (and certain other countries) thinks of as "sexy" for a woman, or the ideal body shape, is not what other countries think. It all varies. Basically, in certain countries, a woman with a particular body type would be considered "fat", while in other countries, that lady would be seen as having the most attractive and sexy shape.

 

So, here is (yet) another study - Do you agree?

 

Study: People Who Eat More of These Foods Lose the Most Weight

[notyrmomma]

What body type is considered attractive in various countries around the world. What the US (and certain other countries) thinks of as "sexy" for a woman, or the ideal body shape, is not what other countries think. It all varies. Basically, in certain countries, a woman with a particular body type would be considered "fat", while in other countries, that lady would be seen as having the most attractive and sexy shape.

 

So, here is (yet) another study - Do you agree?

 

Study: People Who Eat More of These Foods Lose the Most Weight

Thanks for posting that article, I read every one of these articles about nutrition that I come across.

 

I believe what this article said, however, I take exception with the second to last sentence: "It may seem like common sense, but taking the time to fill your plate with lean proteins and vegetables and other low-GI foods will help you lose or maintain weight throughout the years." Didn't this article just say that:  "The researchers found, however, no difference in weight gain in those who ate low-fat vs full-fat dairy" and "Eating meat paired with low-GI foods, however, (like vegetables) helped reduce weight gain" and even "Eating foods like eggs and cheese along with high-GI foods was linked to weight gain, while eating these foods with low-GI foods led to weight loss."  Looks like the fat content of the protein is irrelevant, but the article has to tote the PC/conventional thought line that fats are inherently bad.

 

Here's why this conventional wisdom is dangerous: no one can stay on a low fat and low carb diet for an extended period of time.  600 pound people, heck, even 250 pound people, need to follow a weight loss regime for years in order to take off the excess weight (without surgery).  Which would you rather eat for lunch every day for a year: a mixed green salad with lemon juice for dressing and boneless/skinless chicken breast or a mixed green salad with olive oil sprinkled with cheese and a 100% beef hamburger patty?  Let's face it, the low fat lunch has less calories, but the higher fat lunch tastes more decadent, will fill you up more, and won't make you want to jump off a cliff, and both styles of eating will help you lose weight. (if you ate that high fat lunch, you will not be looking for candy at 3pm, trust me) To this date, I have not seen a convincing study that said eating fat makes you fat, only conventional wisdom from the likes of the American government or the American Heart Association, who both have their own agendas (even though I'm not sure what they are).  If you want people to lose weight without surgery, you have to give them a plan that they can stay on--the late and great Dr. Atkins was right...sorry about the conventional wisdom.

 

I still say that for those of us who are 300+ pounds, surgery is the best option out there.  I did well on Atkins for years, but I just couldn't stay away from the bread and pasta. Now that I have had the surgery, if I tried to eat that high fat lunch, I would throw up.  The ultimate diet would be to just to eat everything in moderation, but the obese just aren't wired to do that.  I wish I knew why it works like that. 

[Christina]

I posted previously that, according to my dietitian, the new food guidelines being released by the USDA are supposed to alter the suggestions on fat, because "good" and "bad" fats have not held up to scientific study. I think trans fat is still going to be "bad" because there are some studies to support that finding.

 

Salt and sugar are going to be adjusted too, with salt restrictions of 1500mg being lifted for the majority of people, and sugar being restricted further.

[HalcyonDays]

I posted previously that, according to my dietitian, the new food guidelines being released by the USDA are supposed to alter the suggestions on fat, because "good" and "bad" fats have not held up to scientific study. I think trans fat is still going to be "bad" because there are some studies to support that finding.

 

Salt and sugar are going to be adjusted too, with salt restrictions of 1500mg being lifted for the majority of people, and sugar being restricted further.

 

Heh. Can't win, eh? Egg yolks increase cholesteral and are bad - NO they are fine. Fats are bad - NO, only saturated. Meat's good for you, lots of protein, iron, Wait NO, cut back, cut back!! Real sugar has too many calories, eat the fake stuff instead, NO, asparatame is terrible, cut it out!

 

I don't think dietiticians and even doctors know what they are doing/saying. And obviously so much (if not all) of these studies are commissioned by corporations looking to come up with a "scientific" conclusion that in turn allows them to promote their product and boost sales. And I'd like to know which of these corporations did some intense lobbying to convince the USDA to fall in line with their (the corp's) thinking. I would bet a lot.

 

I think that's why the most logical to me is - eat a large variety of foods in moderation, cut back on processed foods, be active, enjoy life.

[HalcyonDays]

Doubt-posting to provide a link to this really interesting article. It's a four DECADE long study done by York University (located here in Toronto, Canada).

 

Basically, the consensus is that it's becoming much harder to lose weight and keep it off, due to a variety of factors - both internal and external. The changes in gut microbes really fascinates me, especially when you think of how a large number of patients tend to contract C. Difficile in hospitals. It causes severe diarrhea and is incredibly hard to treat. The most effective (but controversial) way to treat it? A *cough* infusion *cough* of human feces works almost every time.

 

Quite fascinating read.

[RadiantAerynSun]

Sooo this is a really old thread but I have been watching a few episodes of this show on Hulu and stumbled onto this thread. Thought I'd share a few thoughts myself.

So, 4 years ago I just woke up one morning (at about 190lbs, 5'4") and just decided, what the hell, maybe I would try dieting? I never had in the past for a variety of reasons:

1) I just didn't want to bc it sounded boring and depriving

2) My mother always bugged me about my eating/weight (although in a motherly and concerned way) and it kind of made me just want to ignore her more

3) People always said how hard, nigh impossible, it was to lose weight and were always trying new fad diets to no avail, why would I be any different?

4) I have PCOS and was always told it would be extra hard for me so why bother right?

I could go on, but point was at the age of 29 I really had never given any thought to what or how much I was eating. Oh, occasionally I might pick things I thought were "healthier" but these choices were based on wrong assumptions (having the word "salad" in it makes it healthy, etc.) The thing is I had one huge advantage at this point in my life (in 2012) that I would not have had if I started dieting 10 yrs later (in college, when I probably could have used it): We now had mobile phones with apps that were at hand at every moment that allowed you to look up the calorie/nutrition information for ALMOST ANYTHING YOU WERE OFFERED to eat, at your very finger tips, and could record everything that went into your mouth as it happened. No laborious research, no toting around some notebook or booklet or having to pay to be part of some club. So, literally the app "MyFitnessPal" was the biggest key to my success.

Myfitnesspal told me I should eat about 1200 calories a day to lose about 2lb/wk. OK fair enough. So, I went out that day for lunch and decided to look up the calories of one of my typical lunches. Let's say, a chicken caesar wrap and a smoothie, which came with a bag of chips (or sometimes I would have a cookie instead :). HOLY MOTHER OF GOD that meal alone was over 1250 calories. And that was pretty typical of my lunches. Not even considering any snacks I might have, or stuff I would eat in the evening. My evening meals were usually lean cuisine (I'm single and don't like to cook for just myself) but I would add to that cookies, ice cream, cheese and crackers, or whatever else I had handy to snack on. I also washed down at least 2-3 cans of soda per day. Sometimes 2-3 of the 16 oz BOTTLES a day if I was on the road driving somewhere (as I often am on weekends). 

OK So clearly I needed to get this under control. I drastically cut down my breakfast (I would have "however much" of some sugary cereal and pour some milk overtop of that) to: 1 cup of Special K red berries, 1/2 cup of milk. 

Then for lunch I'd have a 250 or so calorie lean cuisine, and a piece of fruit, and maybe a package of crackers (so under 500 total)

For dinner, lean cuisine again, with maybe 1 or 2 cups of popcorn (one of my vices). 

NO MORE SODA AT ALL. Now I did eventually add back in diet soda (and contrary to what studies show this has not stopped me from losing/keeping weight off and is certainly preferable to my old habit, if nothing else)

So over about an 8-12 mos period I lost 50lbs. My lowest weight was about 139; at that point I said OK we can ease up a bit on the practical starvation and started allowing myself 1500-1600 calories most days, and "cheating" a bit on weekends (maybe doing 2500 on Fri/Sat). I have kept all that weight off to the present day (well ok I am about 140.8 this morning, can't say I get below 140 too often). My breakfast is the same as when on the extreme diet. My lunches are a little more lax, I go to fast food places but stick to ordering meals that are 600-650 calories, no more, and NO snacking, unless all I had was a salad (which I picked salads that wre about 400-450 calories and use limited dressing, but this sometimes leaves me a bit peckish in the afternoons). Dinner is about the same as on the diet but I will eat fruit too and maybe a little dessert occasionally, but not real often.

Not saying any of these were all the most healthy options but they were lower in calories and satisfied me to keep me from eating terrible stuff.

I weigh daily so I can adjust my eating if it ever starts to creep upwards, but I've been lucky.

A couple things I've noticed:

1) After a while on the diet, it was like my stomach really couldn't hold that much food anymore. I didn't even WANT to eat large portions bc it just made me feel bad which I regretted lol

2) I made it like a game for myself, where I had a budget of 1200 calories and the challenge was to find out what I could get away with eating within that limit that I would also enjoy.

3) IT changed the way I valued some foods, like, cookies are so rarely worth it to me. (whereas I used to eat a sleeve of Thin Mints in one sitting. Oh god!!!) Cake as well. I look at them and I go ... ehh, nah, too costly, I could spend those calories on something else rather than blow so many at once.

4) I am much less clumsy than I was at 190lbs. It's the small things.

5) some of my PCOS symptoms drastically improved (esp acne, regular cycles, etc). Makes me wish I had lost that weight back when I was a teenager maybe some of those things would not have developed at all.

6) I just have so much more energy now and sleep better.

7) I feel much more sociable now and less self conscious when going out or going to the beach etc. I do have some social anxiety and that hasn't gone away completely and probably some body image problems still but much less so.

I never I thought I looked really bad or overweight I just thought that was "how I was" and didn't think to change it, but once I did I realized I never knew how good I could possibly look/feel. If I had known what was possible I would have done it a lot sooner. So many people for a year or two after my big weight loss always said "YOU LOOK SO GREAT NOW!" which just made me feel like I looked horrible before LOLOL but at least it has been a few years and people don't say that anymore.

Anyway that is all just thought I'd share my experience... It's certainly not easy and requires really retraining the way you think about and value food. I realized a lot of my eating was just boredom or for the experience of enjoying the taste (I think I am a pretty well adjusted and happy person for the most part, so I don't think it's really an emotional/stress thing for me). I actually think the motto "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is pretty apt for how I feel about it, I would never want to go back now....

[ethalfrida]

I really enjoyed reading your story. It has some really insightful points. Congrats on seeing things your way and your openess.

[HalcyonDays]

Remember guys - Shame-Free means without Shame, aka this is not the thread to slam the people appearing on the show for whatever "failings" one may perceive they have. Thanks.

[Muffyn]

On ‎8‎/‎10‎/‎2015 at 9:16 PM, Mybrainhurts said:

Thank you for the kind thoughts, Christina.  I guess the reason I'm upset about the doctors and my friends is that ever since my wife passed away, everything has changed for the worse and now even my body doesn't feel like my own anymore.  When the weight loss is the only thing focused on by everyone, it feels like nothing else matters except something that I really had nothing to do with, that I have no pride in because it is just a side effect of what happened. That's also why I talked about motivation or the lack thereof--I know my motivation is not as high as it could be because of this and maybe some of the people who appear on the show don't really want to lose weight for their own reasons.  That certainly would seem to be the case for Penny and possibly some of the others who had so much trouble losing weight even after the operation.  I just wanted to comment that sometimes these things are more complicated than what we see on the show.

 

As for my medication, I'm talking to the doctors this week because my appetite is still pretty low and I've been taking it for three months. I'm not sure if it will be changed because otherwise it's working pretty well but at least they will know what's happening.

@Mybrainhurts, losing 75 pounds in three months is rapid weight loss that should trigger concern from the doctors.  As you say. people keep complimenting your weight loss without thinking of the reasons for it.  Doctors should know better.  While they may want you to lose weight overall, losing that much that rapidly should be considered a problem to be addressed immediately.   They should at least be concerned that you are getting proper nutrition.  It reminds me of when my accountant had throat cancer.  His cousin very cheerfully told me "The good news is he's lost a lot of weight." Yes, he did, because he couldn't swallow food.  He also then died from the cancer, so, yay, weight loss!

I am so sorry for your loss.  I officiated at a funeral yesterday.  Like you, someone lost the love of their life.  It is hard for people to understand the depths of grief.  There is no snap out of it.  It takes time to heal and to be able to allow the good memories to shine more than the pain overwhelms.  I hope you find people who can support you during this time.

Personally, I hate when anyone comments on my weight.  People don't know what someone is dealing with and whether or not these comments can trigger issues.  My 75 year old aunt has spent her entire life counting calories.  She is a healthy weight but if she puts on even a pound, she goes into a depression and shame spiral that is very unhealthy.  Her doctor has actually recommended she put on about 5 pounds because she feels better at that weight.  Doesn't matter.  Meeting the weight number is too important to her.  I finally told her I would not spend time with her if she kept making negative comments about my weight, calling me fat and lazy.  While I am carrying extra weight, I am also a large person - 5'11" with very large breasts and broad shoulders.  When I was dramatically underweight, my family would tell me I was fat.   My college roommate was 5'2", looked healthy, and weighed the same as I did at the time.  I think the only time someone should comment on someone else's appearance is to tell them they look nice.  That can easily be said without mentioning weight.

[topanga]

On 7/22/2016 at 5:14 PM, RadiantAerynSun said:

7) I feel much more sociable now and less self conscious when going out or going to the beach etc. I do have some social anxiety and that hasn't gone away completely and probably some body image problems still but much less so.

I never I thought I looked really bad or overweight I just thought that was "how I was" and didn't think to change it, but once I did I realized I never knew how good I could possibly look/feel. If I had known what was possible I would have done it a lot sooner. So many people for a year or two after my big weight loss always said "YOU LOOK SO GREAT NOW!" which just made me feel like I looked horrible before LOLOL but at least it has been a few years and people don't say that anymore.

Anyway that is all just thought I'd share my experience... It's certainly not easy and requires really retraining the way you think about and value food. I realized a lot of my eating was just boredom or for the experience of enjoying the taste (I think I am a pretty well adjusted and happy person for the most part, so I don't think it's really an emotional/stress thing for me). I actually think the motto "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" is pretty apt for how I feel about it, I would never want to go back now....

Amazing story. Hats off to you! I'm curious about your social support system. It doesn't sound like you have a problem now (or maybe even before your weight loss) with emotional and compulsive eating. If this isn't true, please correct me. But you don't seem to turn to food when you're sad, lonely, bored, tired, angry, frustrated, etc.  So do you have family and/or friends around you who love and accept you for who you are?  Which means you don't have to turn to food when you want love? That seems to be one of factors that affect emotional eating. 

[Mybrainhurts]

On 7/30/2016 at 0:56 PM, Muffyn said:

@Mybrainhurts, losing 75 pounds in three months is rapid weight loss that should trigger concern from the doctors.  As you say. people keep complimenting your weight loss without thinking of the reasons for it.  Doctors should know better.  While they may want you to lose weight overall, losing that much that rapidly should be considered a problem to be addressed immediately.   They should at least be concerned that you are getting proper nutrition.  It reminds me of when my accountant had throat cancer.  His cousin very cheerfully told me "The good news is he's lost a lot of weight." Yes, he did, because he couldn't swallow food.  He also then died from the cancer, so, yay, weight loss!

I am so sorry for your loss.  I officiated at a funeral yesterday.  Like you, someone lost the love of their life.  It is hard for people to understand the depths of grief.  There is no snap out of it.  It takes time to heal and to be able to allow the good memories to shine more than the pain overwhelms.  I hope you find people who can support you during this time.

Thank you so much for the kind words, Muffyn, I really appreciate them.  I thought the doctors would be concerned too but since obesity is considered such a horrible thing now it was treated as more of a "good thing".  It is now 15 months since Anne has passed and I am 111 lbs. lighter.  What's funny is that one of the reasons for this was that I was diagnosed with what used to be considered the obese person's magical excuse, hypothyroidism.  I'm now taking my medication for it so my metabolism has improved and I'm still losing weight (although not as fast as the first 75 pounds).  I have been blessed because in the last few months, I have found a wonderful support group and I am doing much better.  People still go on about my weight loss but it doesn't hurt as much because it isn't tied as much to the grief any more.  My body still does feel odd because of the weight loss but I really can't do anything yet because no one knows how much I will lose.

I feel really bad for people like your aunt.  It's a damn shame that so much time and brainpower is wasted on worrying about how you look, especially when you aren't obese.  It just seems like time could be better spent doing other things.  I agree that "You look nice today!"  is the best compliment anyone can give--focusing on the weight loss just makes it sound like I was some sort of monster before or saying that "at least some good came from this" which makes it sound like losing the person who was everything to me was somehow beneficial to me. I wasn't a monster and losing Anne was the worst thing that ever happened or will happen to me.  For most people, losing weight is a good thing--reading over some of the stories on this board makes me proud to know you all, even if it is just on a forum.  However, the reason I told my story is because weight loss, like everything else in this world, isn't the same for everyone.  It's easy to judge people (I know, I do it all the time) but without knowing their stories, our judgment is impaired and what you think may not be the case at all.

[MillieSparklepants]

When I was growing up, there were always a few chubby kids in school and we'd hear rumors that someone went to "fat camp" over the summer. It was a shameful secret and being overweight practically guaranteed you'd be teased. Now I have a son with several health issues including hypotonia, respiratory disease, and autism, which has resulted in him being chubby. He goes to a special needs school now, but even in the few years he spent in public school, he has never been teased and I'm grateful we've come so far with teasing and bullying since the 80s.

But, have we swung too far the other way, especially when it comes to fat acceptance? I'm not saying anyone should be bullied, I'm just wondering with our sedentary lifestyles and all the crap that's in our food, are we just supposed to accept obesity as something that can't be helped? I'm not talking specifically about 600+ lb people because there are obviously other serious issues involved there, but I wonder if sometimes we're too eager to gloss over unhealthy lifestyles because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

[AdorkableWitch]

On 3/21/2017 at 5:46 PM, MillieSparklepants said:

When I was growing up, there were always a few chubby kids in school and we'd hear rumors that someone went to "fat camp" over the summer. It was a shameful secret and being overweight practically guaranteed you'd be teased. Now I have a son with several health issues including hypotonia, respiratory disease, and autism, which has resulted in him being chubby. He goes to a special needs school now, but even in the few years he spent in public school, he has never been teased and I'm grateful we've come so far with teasing and bullying since the 80s.

But, have we swung too far the other way, especially when it comes to fat acceptance? I'm not saying anyone should be bullied, I'm just wondering with our sedentary lifestyles and all the crap that's in our food, are we just supposed to accept obesity as something that can't be helped? I'm not talking specifically about 600+ lb people because there are obviously other serious issues involved there, but I wonder if sometimes we're too eager to gloss over unhealthy lifestyles because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.

I disagree with you there. There is still a huge stigma against being fat, especially if you are a woman. I think the two biggest issues for the increase in obesity are the abundance of "easy" food and our overscheduled lives. Easy food means fast food, convenience food, even takeout - it's far too easy to fill any craving and/or hunger with food that takes little effort to prepare. I think that is a consequence of a lifestyle where we are constantly busy. I am working and going to school, and it makes a huge impact on my time and energy to cook.