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Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

DkNNy79

By DkNNy79
in Everything Else

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Jaded
Jaded
emma675
emma675

I had a guy send me a dick pic a few years ago on a dating site. I replied back "is that all?" and he blocked me.  🤣

theredhead77
theredhead77

If you get an animal that will eat you after you die you won't be alone, and you'll give back to the circle of life. That's why I have cats 🙃

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Yogisbooboo64

Yogisbooboo64

(edited)

Oy.

So on Friday my co-worker emails me a problem she's going through and I've been having a problem answering so thought I'd come here.

For almost 3 months, she's been in a friends with benefits situation.  He is nice, laid back and honest, is divorced with grown kids.  He is always working, but they text everyday (and talk on the phone) and get together when their schedules match.  

From the beginning, he told her that his job can cancel their plans at the drop of a hat and she was cool with it...until last Thursday.

Plans had been set to hook up but weather got in the way.  Then MLK's holiday was cancelled  at the last minute so it was agreed to meet that Saturday.  On Thursday he told her he had to go to DC to set up websites so Saturday had to be canceled.  She was already having a shitty week, plus she was informed that her aunt had a few days to live.  

Despite his many apologies, his having to cancel annoyed her.  She said to text when he was available.  Apparently she felt crappy about it because she apologized the next day.

(Still with me?)

Now, here's where she asked for my deciphiring help....

She sent him an email explaining and apologizing for being pissed. 

He sent the following response:

'I understand.  I hope things work out for you and I'm sorry about your aunt.  I'll keep in touch and hopefully we can get together again sometime.'

She's been over analyzing ever since, lol.

I don't know what to tell her....IMO his response is vague.  For me, 'I'll keep in touch' sounds like he's no longer interested, but then why add 'hopefully we can, etc.' ?  

Sorry this is so long.

 

Edited by Yogisbooboo64
Lantern7

Lantern7

*sigh* Nothing going on with me.

When sending a message on OKC . . . is there stuff that's "must-say"? I just say I like the profile and that I hope we can get to know each other. Sometimes, I mention stuff from the profile. I seldom write about the pictures. It just seems superficial to me, even if they're not remotely "spicy."

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oliviabenson

oliviabenson

On 7/29/2022 at 12:39 AM, RealHousewife said:

Is it not finding a nice guy you're compatible with or something else?

I don’t attract a guy that I can see myself being happy with. I don’t want a guy with substance abuse etc, homeless, no job etc. 

for example one guy who is into me: lives around the corner, he is like 60, spent a good chunk of his life in jail, yeah what a catch, figured out my apartment and came over 3 times to check up on me, scared me to death… he is unemployed and lives with his family who support him, again what a catch. 
 

or 3 guys who needed a green card… what made them think it’s okay to even ask…

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Lisa418722

Lisa418722

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

I don’t attract a guy that I can see myself being happy with. I don’t want a guy with substance abuse etc, homeless, no job etc. 

You sound like me.  
I had the guy who spent three hours talking about himself - to the point the waitress asked me if I had had a chance to say anything. He had a daughter and an adopted son.  Did I tell you his son was adopted?  He adopted his son.  Yes, every single time the talked about his son, he always used the adjective, "adopted."  How he came about adopting his son was interesting, but he didn't need to use that adjective every time. 
Then there was the guy that started in immediately wanting to move in with me because he was tired of living with his sister.  When I left he told me oh so graciously (note the sarcasm in my comment) that he would pay for my Coke.  He never even asked me if I wanted to eat anything.  
Then the guy who got upset why I'm not sure.  We met at a very nice restaurant for dinner – on Super Bowl Sunday.  The restaurant was empty and he got upset with how empty it was.  Why?  I never understood, other than the manager told our waiter he could leave and the other waiter took over.  They both did a good job.  
That's just the tip of the iceberg.  At least these guys show their crazy usually in the first date which makes it easy to never contact them again.  
 

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HerkyJerky

HerkyJerky

On 7/30/2022 at 6:00 PM, Lisa418722 said:

At least these guys show their crazy usually in the first date which makes it easy to never contact them again.  

I've had plenty of those dates but recently I had a lunch date that went very well.  We laughed, we had a lot in common and talked for hours.  She literally told me that she had a hard and fast rule that on first dates she only stays for a hour regardless of whether she's feeling a connection or not but because we were having such a good time that she was going to break her rule for the first time.  I left the restaurant on Cloud Nine and then never heard from her again even after repeated attempts to contact her.  I think those kind of dates hurt even more!

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oliviabenson

oliviabenson

(edited)

Update on the neighbor guy:

someone attacked him he was in the hospital more than a month. He looks awful, lost a lot of weight, limping, bruised. 
 

I was so glad I didn’t see him it did not cross my mind he was in the hospital. I feel bad for feeling relieved at not seeing him around the neighborhood. 

He kept hinting how nice it would be if someone cooked / helped him out. 
 

Edited by oliviabenson
Lantern7

Lantern7

(edited)

Her profile is back up. Yay?

I just want to check . . . Facebook Dating is a giant red flag in of itself, right? I know it's not like Zuck would thwap it to steamy conversations, but it still's sketchy.

ETA: We’ve just been exchanging messages. Not like she was trying to avoid me. Just so it’s clear. 

Edited by Lantern7
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oliviabenson

oliviabenson

On 8/3/2022 at 6:33 AM, HerkyJerky said:

I've had plenty of those dates but recently I had a lunch date that went very well.  We laughed, we had a lot in common and talked for hours.  She literally told me that she had a hard and fast rule that on first dates she only stays for a hour regardless of whether she's feeling a connection or not but because we were having such a good time that she was going to break her rule for the first time.  I left the restaurant on Cloud Nine and then never heard from her again even after repeated attempts to contact her.  I think those kind of dates hurt even more!

I’m sorry she ghosted you how rude! 

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JTMacc99

JTMacc99

On 8/4/2022 at 5:20 PM, EtheltoTillie said:

There's a very thorough article about Tinder in the new issue of New York Magazine.  Worth reading. 

https://www.thecut.com/article/dating-apps-relationship.html#_ga=2.90448090.1561232011.1659647940-459437186.1658344292

"Very thorough" it was! It seems as though her experience wasn't that Tinder helped her find a relationship, but it did made her a professional dater. 

She does mention that some of her circumstances may make her experiences different than other people.  I'll say that for sure the fact she's in New York City gives her a very different experience than anybody who lives in most suburbs and all rural areas. 

Once you get outside of the 18-25 range in places where cows and corn live, that app doesn't provide a person with endless new opportunities to go on dates, as is her experience in NYC. You can swipe through the entire population within 30 miles of you reasonably quickly. 

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Lantern7

Lantern7

25 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Oh yes it’s gross when guys on apps ask for breasts pics 

Im just so sad that I can’t even find a sweet guy 

How many guys are actually from Italy ? I am skeptical it’s even a real profile. 
 

1B0FA802-66B1-4B48-ACE3-FDB4639F1CE8.jpeg

I never ask for those. I don’t see the need. I just reply to profiles, then wait in vain for a response.

JTMacc99

JTMacc99

On 12/2/2022 at 1:26 PM, oliviabenson said:

I'm just so sad that I can’t even find a sweet guy

Just like good women, good men don't hang around the apps for very long. It's just a mine field of fake profiles, lying liars who lie, bitter, jaded, and broken people.  Good catches tend to get in, hope for the best and try to make a connection, and then they bail out. If they hang around long enough, they just get depressed with the whole exercise.

18 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Fake profile/guys not sending good face pics. I legit don’t care what he looks like be honest let me see your face 

Having expressed my own opinion about the difficulties of the online dating world, I'll switch over to my more positive side. Heh.

PHOTOS ARE IMPORTANT.  I don't know how else to say it, but in big old capital letters.  Even two minutes of effort with an internet search for "Online Dating Photo Tips" will let a person know what they should do if they're going to make an honest attempt to find a real connection.

I'd recommend not even bothering with a profile that doesn't make an attempt to do some or all of these things:

  • At least four photos, but not like a dozen
  • A variety of photos, a combination of face, full-body, action, dressed up, dressed down, serious, and goofy shots *
  • Photos with eye contact
  • No blurry or weirdly cropped photos and no really far away shots for some reason
  • Group photos where you can easily pick out the person (proof that the person has friends, lol)
  • If they've got a pet, they include a picture of them with the pet, this is such a great way to give you something to talk about during the initial conversation period

* This one, the variety of photos one, is really important. I remember profiles where the person had eight photos, and all eight were a selfie photo of their head from top down. Seriously, are we planning to date just the top of your head, or is the rest of you included in the deal?

And yes, I realize that by saying to immediately toss out every single person with crappy pictures, I've instantly eliminated 90% of the pool.  But that's what I think. If you can't put in a decent effort to show me what you actually look like, then I'm not going to waste time reaching out to you.

And by the way, photos don't just let a person know what you look like, they give people an idea of your personality. A picture is worth a thousand words. If you put in photos of you doing things, that's worth way more than writing a whole bunch of words about your interests. For example, a photo of you holding up a giant tomato in your garden is FAR more attractive than writing that you enjoy gardening.

Good photos are a really good indicator that the person is making an honest effort. (Well, provided the photos are current and actually of the person, but that's the chances we all take.)

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theredhead77

theredhead77

5 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Cesspool of catfish 

I agree, @oliviabenson. I am so over photos of dudes with fish. Sure, they check off the "hobby" idea on JTs list but as someone who finds fish repulsive, unless it's in the form of sushi, hard pass. Maybe those guys are doing me a favor. Their abs may be smokin but that fish makes me shudder.

54 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

@Mondrianyoneyou can ask him to take the pictures of you for your profile. It's a big advantage over the unmarried people who have to take selfies or ask a friend for help.

Sigh. Those marrieds have it so easy with their photo taking.

  • LOL 6
oliviabenson

oliviabenson

37 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

I agree, @oliviabenson. I am so over photos of dudes with fish. Sure, they check off the "hobby" idea on JTs list but as someone who finds fish repulsive, unless it's in the form of sushi, hard pass. Maybe those guys are doing me a favor. Their abs may be smokin but that fish makes me shudder.

Sigh. Those marrieds have it so easy with their photo taking.

This is what I mean by catfish 

996554FF-A796-47EC-94B0-625B75FBE82E.jpeg

RealHousewife

RealHousewife

1 minute ago, oliviabenson said:

My big juicy liar now says he has 2 houses in 2 states worth millions. 
 

Yeah I don’t think so buddy.

Yeah, I mean there are rich men out there, but I don't think most of them would just bring it up like that.

I've experienced guys who bring up their careers thinking that should instantly win me over. What will make me comfortable going out with you is if I get the vibe you're a genuinely good guy. 

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oliviabenson

oliviabenson

12 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Yeah, I mean there are rich men out there, but I don't think most of them would just bring it up like that.

I've experienced guys who bring up their careers thinking that should instantly win me over. What will make me comfortable going out with you is if I get the vibe you're a genuinely good guy. 

We met on bumble. I honestly doubt wealthy men use free apps at all. 

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theredhead77

theredhead77

11 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

My big juicy liar now says he has 2 houses in 2 states worth millions. 
 

Yeah I don’t think so buddy.

Are you going to:

  1. unmatch and move on?
  2. come up with an equally insane life story and amuse yourself by messing with this person (or bot)?
  3. meet him IRL and see if he is legit?
  • LOL 1
JTMacc99

JTMacc99

I don't think financially successful people eschew free dating apps. I do, however, think they are unlikely to lead with their financial success as a selling point.

If anything, they would probably keep that close to the vest while they figure out what kind of person they've matched. Well... that's assuming that the wealthy person is looking for a meaningful relationship and not just a hook up. 

To be honest, I don't think there's a particularly strong correlation between being wealthy and being husband or wife material. Money or lack thereof doesn't make somebody less of a jerk.

It wasn't hard to spot financially successful people when I was browsing the apps. They typically mention that they have a career they love, but not necessarily what the career is. Their photos give a hint of what their life is like, but aren't "Here's me on my yacht". And sometimes when describing their perfect match, they use words like driven, independent, or cultured (again, assuming they were looking for a long term relationship.)

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theredhead77

theredhead77

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

It wasn't hard to spot financially successful people when I was browsing the apps. They typically mention that they have a career they love, but not necessarily what the career is. Their photos give a hint of what their life is like, but aren't "Here's me on my yacht". And sometimes when describing their perfect match, they use words like driven, independent, or cultured (again, assuming they were looking for a long term relationship.)

In my experience, people were either doing well, or in debt funding their lifestyle. Even "non-glamorous" hobbies (like off-roading, backpacking, etc...) can get expensive.

Your "Here's me on my yacht" made me think of the old Old Spice campaign. I miss this campaign. It was funny.

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emma675

emma675

I remember years ago in this thread when I first (briefly) tried online dating. It was around the time that JTMacc99 was trying it, too, and people joked that it would be a PT fairytale if we somehow ended up dating each other (alas, we're in completely different states and our football teams are rivals, lol). Maybe we need a PT dating app for the singles here still trying online dating? I suppose the marrieds could join in, too. 🤣

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theredhead77

theredhead77

7 minutes ago, emma675 said:

I suppose the marrieds could join in, too.

I don't care what people want to do in their own relationships (as long as everyone freely consents) but it has already been established the marrieds will have an unfair advantage with the photo taking.

I am taking notes for after I move. I have JTs list of photo suggestions. I'll make sure to have several dozen photos where you maybe figure out if it's me or not. Lots of mirror shots and a handful of me on my yacht. 

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theredhead77

theredhead77

21 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

The catfish invited me on vacation. He still has never sent me a clear picture. 
 

But I’m so bored I do not want to block him. 

You can get so much amusement from this. Let him think you're going to go. When he asks you to wire him money, or send gift carts, or whatever the scam is, act like you are going to (but obviously do not) send him what he is asking for.

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