aradia22 January 23, 2018 Share January 23, 2018 New weird first message in Doubletake. Quote Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face. "That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old man behind her, and smiled, "Grandpa's gonna pay the bill." How is this a good strategy for approaching someone? Even as a fishing message? Link to comment
aradia22 February 1, 2018 Share February 1, 2018 New first message Quote so cute ;) Also a hundred variations on "hi, how are you." Things have been... slow lately. I know I should write more messages but... gah. Link to comment
Lantern7 February 1, 2018 Share February 1, 2018 I have a few leads myself, but nothing substantial. Yet. Link to comment
aradia22 February 2, 2018 Share February 2, 2018 New first message Quote Hey, I'm so sorry but I would love your opinion on these 3 things. 1. Pizza vs Tacos? 2. Dog or Cat person? 3. If Becky has 10 apples and Jamaal has 6 peaches how much do you hate word problems... If these made you think or laugh I'd love to know I have not been replying to anyone lately. Either the guys don't interest me so I don't like them back or I ignore the "hi, how are you" messages. I had two guys who were very muscly but seemed like lunkheads and yeah... those interactions died quickly. Link to comment
Bastet February 2, 2018 Share February 2, 2018 Number one is Sophie's choice for me; they're both so versatile, and so delicious in those many incarnations. (Two is cats, hands down, and three is I don't; I've always loved those types of problems.) It's an obnoxious initial response if that's all there is, but I think it would have been a fun addendum to a profile - asking those who like the "regular" part of his profile to include those answers in their response. 1 Link to comment
OldButHappy February 2, 2018 Share February 2, 2018 Apparently we are not alone in our experiences (ha!)...many of the themes discussed in this thread (and in my own online adventures) are so common that there are now specific terms for these common behaviors: “zombies" Zombies are when someone who has ghosted you unexpectedly reappears in your life. “benching" Also known as “bread-crumbing”, benching is the 21st-century equivalent of stringing someone along to keep your options open even if you not are currently interested. Benching is an often coordinated and calculated method of texting that offers an interested party just enough interaction to not upset them but ultimately no substantive back-and-forth or concrete plans. "slow fade” The show fade is a protracted but deliberate communication fade-out. (source: http://www.fashionbeans.com/content/the-new-dating-hazards-you-need-to-know-about ) 1 Link to comment
walnutqueen February 3, 2018 Share February 3, 2018 "lazy" - when you are too damned old & tired to walk a block to find a fuckable ... 4 Link to comment
aradia22 February 5, 2018 Share February 5, 2018 I noticed today that as part of okc's attempt at fuckery they've added to the profile questions. So the old questions are still there but if you click them you'll get a drop down menu of alternate prompts. This feels like it's just making things more involved and confusing. Link to comment
aradia22 February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 New first message Quote Hello, do you think we could get to know each other? I am just asking to if you could see yourself going out with me? This is... an approach. It feel like the equivalent of asking someone "hey, can I ask you a question?" You already are. New first message Quote Hey there, you caught my eye, so thought i'd say hello. I like to be straight forward, I just got out of a 3 1/2 year thing 8 days ago, and haven't really been single since high school, so wanted to have some casual fun for the time being. You seem like my type, so wanted to see what your situation is... I mean, points for honesty. Link to comment
DeLurker February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 (edited) @aradia22 - you need to post some good opening messages because clearly the online world needs help in that department. Not being snarky at all either. Hope it was not interpreted that way. Edited February 6, 2018 by DeLurker 1 Link to comment
CastleBell February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 I was about to skip this guy's profile because his photo has a photoshop of the word "redacted" across his face. Then I read it anyway: Quote I'm interested in D/s, servitude, body worship, and general cuckold fantasies. Despite my lack of detailed pictures here and the strong focus on sex in my profile, I'm not a creep or a weirdo. I know he's helping himself and everyone else by being honest and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing as they please. Best wishes to him. But it's always jarring when I come across something like that after a string of profiles that are... not like that. 1 Link to comment
CastleBell February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 First message: Quote Oh my god ! So beautiful so attractive. I’m interested in you. Any chance to meet up? How are you today? Checking out the profile: Quote I’m sorry if we are the same age ! And you look older than me . NUTRITION IS KEY . Keep you young . PLEASE don’t mix ego with confidence ! I hate that BS . Okay then. 2 Link to comment
aradia22 February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 Quote I know he's helping himself and everyone else by being honest and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing as they please. Best wishes to him. I prefer that to the sneak-attack open relationship/polyamorous profiles. I should not have to hunt for that. If it's not the first line of your profile, you're wasting my time. Just checking the box doesn't do anything when you're swiping. 1 Link to comment
DeLurker February 6, 2018 Share February 6, 2018 4 hours ago, CastleBell said: I know he's helping himself and everyone else by being honest and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing as they please. Best wishes to him. Seems like there would be more specialized sites or events for someone with specific interests as it were. Link to comment
aradia22 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 New first message (again, in case you were worried, these are pretty much all guys in DoubleTake that I ignore) Quote So first impressions have never been my strong suit; being 6'2 and looking like a linebacker never really helped. In my experience, those who have met me face-to-face always say one of two things about me. Either they say "oh my god, you're so sweet and so nice" or "f*ck that guy," either way I take it all in strive. Meeting people and rebuilding my foundation regardless of romance or friendship has been my main goal. Allow me to be a gentleman and properly introduce myself, my name is [redacted] (but my friends just call me Joe) I'm an aspiring entrepreneur who works in the night life as celebrity security and sometime bouncer. I am a semi-professional wrestler and mix martial artist. I loving writing, kpop, hip-hop, pop, and various forms of creativity. I'm particularly good with telling stories for characters I develop...well with all but my own. I'm super chill and laid back but highly motivated and career oriented. I relax in a drama free environment and love meeting new people regardless of what they think about me. To end this apparent essay about myself, I want to meet down-to-earth people who also share in my comedic crazy. I hope that this message conveys my interest in getting to know you. And just hopefully gives you one to get to know me. Why would you basically send someone your entire profile as a first message? Link to comment
Lantern7 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 @aradia22 . . . I've been inputting stuff I like. Sadly, stuff like "One Piece" and "Survivor" don't come out like I'd want. Also, I wonder how long it'll be until I message you without knowing it's you. :) Link to comment
JTMacc99 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 8 hours ago, aradia22 said: Why would you basically send someone your entire profile as a first message? Because he doesn’t understand how it is supposed to work? Because it has worked for him in the past regardless of the fact it doesn’t make sense? Because he’s a tall, large, muscular man, which gets his foot in the door, and then by writing lots of words he presents himself as thoughtful enough for someone to say, “Hmm, he doesn’t sound like the last mix martial arts guy I dated...” 2 Link to comment
aradia22 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 @JTMacc99 He's large but not muscular. I know because of the weird shirtless photos. Not that I was interested anyway, but again, I appreciate others in this thread helping me recognize the fishing messages for what they are. This one was pretty obvious. It was so much I can't imagine he'd actually want to get to know another person. It just seems like he'd talk at you the entire time if you went on a date. Link to comment
JTMacc99 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 There’s a lid for every pot. My pessimism is winning at the moment, so I see all of the logic and sense in what you’re saying, and then my brain says “and yet, that guy gets women to go out with him.” 2 Link to comment
Moose135 February 7, 2018 Share February 7, 2018 5 hours ago, JTMacc99 said: then my brain says “and yet, that guy gets women to go out with him.” A few years back, probably when I was still living back home on Long Island, and I was decidedly on a desert island from a relationship standpoint, there was a story in the news that made me shake my head. Seems some guy on Long Island (it's always some guy on Long Island...) had an argument with his girlfriend - they were watching "The Walking Dead" and he thought zombies were real, she said it was fiction. They argued, he left, and came back a short time later and shot her with a pellet gun. She wasn't seriously injured, and he was arrested. My first though was "That guy has a girlfriend???" 6 Link to comment
Lantern7 February 15, 2018 Share February 15, 2018 Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning. Oh, and I'm just swapping notes with the one woman, but it feels good so far. Fingers crossed. 1 Link to comment
Jaded February 15, 2018 Share February 15, 2018 9 hours ago, Lantern7 said: Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning. That made me think of the absurd show from years ago that was on VH1 called "The Pickup Artist" with a guy who went by the name "Mystery" doing the advising. Link to comment
aradia22 February 16, 2018 Share February 16, 2018 Sigh... I didn't have internet for a few days and the guy I was talking to disappeared. I don't know if he unmatched or blocked me. Side note: It's annoying that you can't just delete messages on okc anymore. Link to comment
Lantern7 February 16, 2018 Share February 16, 2018 @Jaded . . . if records are kept, I would surmise this "Mystery" guy's winning percantage is way higher than Don Diebel. The asshole wrote a book where he swapped the pronouns from his older book. That's a level of lazy to inspire everybody. 2 Link to comment
ratgirlagogo February 17, 2018 Share February 17, 2018 (edited) On 2/15/2018 at 1:38 AM, Lantern7 said: Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning. I have to thank you because that was really funny. Clearly I need to overcome my old MAD prejudice against CRACKED. Also, wasn't the author of that piece Seanbaby the big wazoo at Portal of Evil back in the day? Oh the sick shit they used to link to there - I wonder what our NSA Overlords must think of me if they still have access to all the history of the sites I looked at through POE. Edited February 17, 2018 by ratgirlagogo Link to comment
aradia22 February 17, 2018 Share February 17, 2018 New first message Quote They say that a good date ends with dinner. I say that a great date ends with breakfast. Hate. Why is everyone who writes me terrible? 2 Link to comment
Lantern7 February 17, 2018 Share February 17, 2018 @aradia22 . . . damn. I'd never lead with that. That's tacky, and I'm wuss enough to bail halfway through dinner even if "breakfast" was guaranteed. I'm just saying that I write better than that. I just don't get much feedback. Link to comment
aradia22 February 18, 2018 Share February 18, 2018 New first message Quote How’s it going? Just passing by to show some love nice profile,beautiful pics you look gorgeous and very attractive:) Is this me or does this seem like some kind of drive by catcall? Link to comment
aradia22 February 19, 2018 Share February 19, 2018 *shakes head at all the guys wishing me Happy New Year* Link to comment
aradia22 February 24, 2018 Share February 24, 2018 (edited) New first message. This one somehow got into my inbox. Quote Heart eyes emoji Babbbbyyyy I'm going to be alone forever. Edited February 24, 2018 by aradia22 Link to comment
Lantern7 February 24, 2018 Share February 24, 2018 (edited) @aradia22 . . . maybe we should meet one day, even if it's as friends. I haven't been looking on OKC lately. I've been communicating with the one woman; we've exchanged e-mails for a few weeks. Once again, I'm crossing my finers. Edited February 24, 2018 by Lantern7 Link to comment
CastleBell February 25, 2018 Share February 25, 2018 I have a new favorite first message from a man with a blank profile (turned up in my Double Take): Quote Hi your picture caught my interest I hope you’re real Why on earth would you bother messaging anyone when you haven't put up a profile? Someone will say "gee, I'm fine with being the only one to put any effort or vulnerability into this" and happily respond to a generic fishing overture? 2 Link to comment
CastleBell February 25, 2018 Share February 25, 2018 I know liking doesn't mean much, but why like my profile that says I'm looking for something serious when your own profile is "my wife knows I'm here, don't hate?" I mean, if you have an open marriage, your business, but it would sort of preclude you getting serious with me... Link to comment
aradia22 February 25, 2018 Share February 25, 2018 Quote I know liking doesn't mean much This is why I hate guys who swipe right on everyone. I get that you're not going to read every profile. That's fine. But at least only swipe on people you're attracted to or some standard like that. Still, without a better way of filtering, I write to my matches. Especially with this new thing where your messages don't show up unless there's a mutual like it doesn't make sense to put in that energy. 2 Link to comment
aradia22 March 2, 2018 Share March 2, 2018 Is it possible okc is tricking me? Because this is the second time I do not remember liking a guy who is apparently a mutual match (who therefore got through to my inbox). Admittedly, I do a lot of haphazard late night swiping but still... I don't know why I'd swipe right on this guy. Unless he's severely edited his profile since I last saw it. His first 4 photos don't have a clear view of his face and the only thing I connect to in his profile is that he's anti-Trump. Unmatch. Link to comment
JTMacc99 March 5, 2018 Share March 5, 2018 I have become something that's not quite bored, but definitely in that area of feeling. I've been working on myself a bit, so no dating. I wanted to be distraction free. During this period, I've managed to get out of the house a bunch, saw some great music, drank some good drinks, talked to some interesting people. It was all very nice and good for me. So I got to thinking, I'm feeling okay about what I wanted to do for myself, maybe I'd entertain some dating again. There has to be a population out there that aren't just looking for hook ups, but are also not looking at dating as strictly for the purpose of finding a long term relationship. Casual dates, good banter, fun stuff, it doesn't seem like such a big ask. And God help me, for reasons I can only explain as "it seemed like a good idea at the time" I flipped on Tinder on Friday night. Put in a couple new pictures, wrote up a blurb declaring my intentions, and swiped for a bit. I didn't do much swiping. I just cleared out the immediate 10 mile radius. I think maybe one swipe right out of 30. Then I let it sit until Saturday evening, as Tinder will organize the people I see in a way that the ones who liked me will be prioritized. I switched the radius to 30 miles. I checked to see if Tinder was going to tempt me to pay to see my likes by telling me how many likes I had collected. (High teens. The new pictures did good work.) Went through everybody in the 30 mile radius. Probably swiped right on 5 of 300, and honestly the last couple were just because I was getting desperate. Cleaned out all but 3 of my "likes" during the process. Checked back in again on Sunday for a bit. A few dozen more "Back to the Loch with you Nessie" and then I deleted the damn thing. 2 Link to comment
possibilities March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 Have you tried joining a group of people with a shared interest? I've met some of my best folks that way, where it feels less like a meat market and quick-judgment shop, and you get a chance to get to know people while also having fun together. I don't know what your interests are. Could be anything from a book club to a bowling league to ... well, anything. You can even start a group via Meet Up. Could be "people who want to try all the sushi restaurants in a 50 mile radius" to "weekend and evening hikers" to "movies and booze for the over 40 crowd" or "clumsy dorks who like to dance." The virtue of this approach is that (1) you know you will be doing something you find fun with people who also like doing it, (2) it's less pressure, and (3) people are inclined to like you and then might introduce you to their single friends if you don't wind up attracted to any of the people in the group. 3 Link to comment
Lantern7 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 I'd be game. Not like Manhattan is that far from me. I typed up a few phrases in Meetup and got next to nothing, but I'm probably not being imaginative enough. I'm not being sarcastic here, and I won't bite. And I'm not going to add "Unless you want me to." Ah. Shit. Link to comment
aradia22 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 OK, seriously, I think okc is just letting randos slip into my inbox and telling me I've "liked" them. Some details of the last guy who sent me a message. Quote Pansexual, Man, Open relationship, 5’ 4” I swipe haphazardly but I'm not that distracted. Link to comment
Lantern7 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 @aradia22 . . . wait, so you didn't see or like profiles (which I cannot blame you, given the stories), but the guys think you liked them? Shit . . . either those guys are lying (likely), or OKC is letting them slip through the cracks (also likely). If I get a like, I'd usually thank them and try to get more information. Link to comment
JTMacc99 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 7 hours ago, possibilities said: You can even start a group via Meet Up. I tried Meet Up. Definitely not for me. There was an undercurrent of sad/lonely/bitterness running through both events I attended. To be fair, they were both Singles groups and not something like Trivia or Sushi lovers. I suppose they could be less shitty, but I got very turned off to the whole idea. If it wasn't about to dump more than a foot of snow on us tomorrow I'd be thinking about dusting off my golf clubs. It's pretty rare for me to run into any women on the golf course, but I usually end up playing with three other decent guys. I met my heating and cooling guy on the golf course. That's been a win for me, because he's great. Link to comment
Moose135 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said: I tried Meet Up. Definitely not for me. There was an undercurrent of sad/lonely/bitterness running through both events I attended. To be fair, they were both Singles groups and not something like Trivia or Sushi lovers. I think the trick to Meet Up is to join a group for something you like, not a singles group. I'm in a number of them (I'm not active in all of them) including several photography groups and a couple of aviation related. Go to events you enjoy without worrying about meeting someone, and see what happens. Denali's Mom, who I've been seeing for 5 months now, is someone I met through a photo Meet Up group - we shot together at a few outings and got to hanging out, and the rest is history. 5 Link to comment
JAYJAY1979 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 I've tried Okcupid.. even meetups. No dice on any of those sites, but I will tell you that if I want to be a gay male version of Carrie Bradshaw... Grindr/Scruff/Tinder is the way to go. Lots of winners on those. http://www.chicagonow.com/confessions-coffeeholic/2018/03/the-grindr-monologues-jedi-mind-games/ Link to comment
aradia22 March 6, 2018 Share March 6, 2018 Quote @ARADIA22 . . . wait, so you didn't see or like profiles (which I cannot blame you, given the stories), but the guys think you liked them? Shit . . . either those guys are lying (likely), or OKC is letting them slip through the cracks (also likely). If I get a like, I'd usually thank them and try to get more information. No, when I go to look there's a mutual like. Otherwise the message wouldn't be in my inbox. But I cannot for the life of me remember swiping right on these people. And I usually remember. I mean, of course it's possible that I did swipe right and just don't remember. But I feel like I'm being gaslit. Also, okc definitely needs to put relationship status front and center on its swiping function on phones with all the open relationships these days... at least in my age group and area. Link to comment
possibilities March 7, 2018 Share March 7, 2018 If you don't like Meet Up, you can always post a flyer for an activity you want to do, maybe at the local library or wherever you go that has a bulletin board. Again, I agree it's best to not target singles specifically, but people with a common interest who would get together to share an activity. That way you pre-select for people who share an interest and have the time and motivation to socialize and be friendly. Link to comment
Wouldofshouldof March 29, 2018 Share March 29, 2018 I've tried several of the sites over the past 2 years. I was hacked on Match and on POF. On Match someone took over my account and sent messages to a bunch of men saying something like "I've found the love of my life but please give my friend Tracy a shot, here's her email, blah blah blah." Some guys responded saying they though that was a wierd thing to do, and I had to apologize and close my account. One guy I emailed with a few times had to go overseas for work before we ever got to meet (yeah, right), and while he was away, asked me to send him a $100 iTunes gift card for his daughter's bday. I replied that I'd be happy to pick one up for him if he sent me the money, and I got a tirade back about how I was showing my true colors. Uh, dude, what about your colors?!? Another one I met on Match, had one date with, and it went nowhere. Then I changed to POF, saw his profile there, and was amused when he contacted me like he had no idea who I was (we both had the same profile pics). I reminded him we'd already been out and politely declined. Oh yeah, I was also matched up with my ex husband, lol! I am now in a committed relationship with a man I met on OKCupid. We're moving in together this summer (and buying kayaks together - true love!). We have both said that we see this as an end-run, long-term relationship. I am SO happy to be off the dating sites. 4 Link to comment
aradia22 March 29, 2018 Share March 29, 2018 Quote One guy I emailed with a few times had to go overseas for work before we ever got to meet (yeah, right), and while he was away, asked me to send him a $100 iTunes gift card for his daughter's bday. I replied that I'd be happy to pick one up for him if he sent me the money, and I got a tirade back about how I was showing my true colors. Uh, dude, what about your colors?!? Lol, what? Such a weird scam. Link to comment
theredhead77 March 30, 2018 Share March 30, 2018 So I Googled iTunes Gift Card scam and the third suggested completion was 'online dating' https://support.apple.com/itunes-gift-card-scams https://www.romancescam.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=109586 Link to comment
JTMacc99 March 31, 2018 Share March 31, 2018 Online dating is phenomenal. Can’t recommend it highly enough. 2 Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.