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Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

DkNNy79

By DkNNy79
in Everything Else

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aradia22

aradia22

New weird first message in Doubletake. 

Quote

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face.

"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old man behind her, and smiled, "Grandpa's gonna pay the bill."

How is this a good strategy for approaching someone? Even as a fishing message?

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Jaded
Jaded
emma675
emma675

I had a guy send me a dick pic a few years ago on a dating site. I replied back "is that all?" and he blocked me.  🤣

theredhead77
theredhead77

If you get an animal that will eat you after you die you won't be alone, and you'll give back to the circle of life. That's why I have cats 🙃

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aradia22

aradia22

New first message

Quote

Hey, I'm so sorry but I would love your opinion on these 3 things. 
1. Pizza vs Tacos? 
2. Dog or Cat person? 
3. If Becky has 10 apples and Jamaal has 6 peaches how much do you hate word problems...

If these made you think or laugh I'd love to know

I have not been replying to anyone lately. Either the guys don't interest me so I don't like them back or I ignore the "hi, how are you" messages. I had two guys who were very muscly but seemed like lunkheads and yeah... those interactions died quickly. 

Bastet

Bastet

Number one is Sophie's choice for me; they're both so versatile, and so delicious in those many incarnations.

(Two is cats, hands down, and three is I don't; I've always loved those types of problems.)

It's an obnoxious initial response if that's all there is, but I think it would have been a fun addendum to a profile - asking those who like the "regular" part of his profile to include those answers in their response.

  • Love 1
OldButHappy

OldButHappy

Apparently we are not alone in our experiences (ha!)...many of the themes discussed in this thread (and in my own online adventures) are so common that there are now specific terms for these common behaviors:

“zombies" 

Zombies are when someone who has ghosted you unexpectedly reappears in your life.

“benching" 

Also known as “bread-crumbing”, benching is the 21st-century equivalent of stringing someone along to keep your options open even if you not are currently interested. Benching is an often coordinated and calculated method of texting that offers an interested party just enough interaction to not upset them but ultimately no substantive back-and-forth or concrete plans.

"slow fade”

The show fade is a protracted but deliberate communication fade-out.

(source:  http://www.fashionbeans.com/content/the-new-dating-hazards-you-need-to-know-about )

  • Love 1
aradia22

aradia22

New first message

Quote

Hello, do you think we could get to know each other? I am just asking to if you could see yourself going out with me?

This is... an approach. It feel like the equivalent of asking someone "hey, can I ask you a question?" You already are.

New first message

Quote

Hey there, you caught my eye, so thought i'd say hello. I like to be straight forward, I just got out of a 3 1/2 year thing 8 days ago, and haven't really been single since high school, so wanted to have some casual fun for the time being. You seem like my type, so wanted to see what your situation is...

I mean, points for honesty. 

CastleBell

CastleBell

I was about to skip this guy's profile because his photo has a photoshop of the word "redacted" across his face.

Then I read it anyway:

Quote

I'm interested in D/s, servitude, body worship, and general cuckold fantasies.
Despite my lack of detailed pictures here and the strong focus on sex in my profile, I'm not a creep or a weirdo.

I know he's helping himself and everyone else by being honest and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing as they please. Best wishes to him.

But it's always jarring when I come across something like that after a string of profiles that are... not like that.

  • Love 1
CastleBell

CastleBell

First message:

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 Oh my god ! So beautiful so attractive. I’m interested in you. Any chance to meet up? How are you today? 

Checking out the profile:

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I’m sorry if we are the same age ! And you look older than me . NUTRITION IS KEY . Keep you young . PLEASE don’t mix ego with confidence ! I hate that BS .

Okay then.

  • Love 2
aradia22

aradia22

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I know he's helping himself and everyone else by being honest and there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing as they please. Best wishes to him.

I prefer that to the sneak-attack open relationship/polyamorous profiles. I should not have to hunt for that. If it's not the first line of your profile, you're wasting my time. Just checking the box doesn't do anything when you're swiping.

  • Love 1
aradia22

aradia22

New first message (again, in case you were worried, these are pretty much all guys in DoubleTake that I ignore)

Quote

So first impressions have never been my strong suit; being 6'2 and looking like a linebacker never really helped. In my experience, those who have met me face-to-face always say one of two things about me. Either they say "oh my god, you're so sweet and so nice" or "f*ck that guy," either way I take it all in strive. Meeting people and rebuilding my foundation regardless of romance or friendship has been my main goal. Allow me to be a gentleman and properly introduce myself, my name is [redacted] (but my friends just call me Joe) I'm an aspiring entrepreneur who works in the night life as celebrity security and sometime bouncer. I am a semi-professional wrestler and mix martial artist. I loving writing, kpop, hip-hop, pop, and various forms of creativity. I'm particularly good with telling stories for characters I develop...well with all but my own. I'm super chill and laid back but highly motivated and career oriented. I relax in a drama free environment and love meeting new people regardless of what they think about me. To end this apparent essay about myself, I want to meet down-to-earth people who also share in my comedic crazy. I hope that this message conveys my interest in getting to know you. And just hopefully gives you one to get to know me.

Why would you basically send someone your entire profile as a first message? 

JTMacc99

JTMacc99

8 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Why would you basically send someone your entire profile as a first message? 

Because he doesn’t understand how it is supposed to work?

Because it has worked for him in the past regardless of the fact it doesn’t make sense?  

Because he’s a tall, large, muscular man, which gets his foot in the door, and then by writing lots of words he presents himself as thoughtful enough for someone to say, “Hmm, he doesn’t sound like the last mix martial arts guy I dated...”

  • Love 2
aradia22

aradia22

@JTMacc99 He's large but not muscular. I know because of the weird shirtless photos. 

Not that I was interested anyway, but again, I appreciate others in this thread helping me recognize the fishing messages for what they are. This one was pretty obvious. It was so much I can't imagine he'd actually want to get to know another person. It just seems like he'd talk at you the entire time if you went on a date. 

Moose135

Moose135

5 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

then my brain says “and yet, that guy gets women to go out with him.”

A few years back, probably when I was still living back home on Long Island, and I was decidedly on a desert island from a relationship standpoint, there was a story in the news that made me shake my head.  Seems some guy on Long Island (it's always some guy on Long Island...) had an argument with his girlfriend - they were watching "The Walking Dead" and he thought zombies were real, she said it was fiction.  They argued, he left, and came back a short time later and shot her with a pellet gun.  She wasn't seriously injured, and he was arrested.  My first though was "That guy has a girlfriend???"

  • Love 6
Lantern7

Lantern7

Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning.

Oh, and I'm just swapping notes with the one woman, but it feels good so far. Fingers crossed.

  • Love 1
Jaded

Jaded

9 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning.

That made me think of the absurd show from years ago that was on VH1 called "The Pickup Artist" with a guy who went by the name "Mystery" doing the advising. 

ratgirlagogo

ratgirlagogo

(edited)
On 2/15/2018 at 1:38 AM, Lantern7 said:

Didn't do anything out of the ordinary for Valentine's Day. I know that most of us probably don't need a significant other to exist. But if you're feeling crappy and need a good laugh, I give unto you the very last person you should get dating advice from. NSFW . . . no naughty pictures, but the author is merciless in his criticism. Also, you might laugh really hard. Just a warning.

I have to thank you because that was really funny.  Clearly I need to overcome my old MAD prejudice against CRACKED.   Also, wasn't the author of that piece Seanbaby the big wazoo at Portal of Evil back in the day?  Oh the sick shit they used to link to there - I wonder what our NSA Overlords must think of me if they still have access to all the history of the sites I looked at through POE.

Edited by ratgirlagogo
CastleBell

CastleBell

I have a new favorite first message from a man with a blank profile (turned up in my Double Take):

Quote

Hi your picture caught my interest I hope you’re real

Why on earth would you bother messaging anyone when you haven't put up a profile? Someone will say "gee, I'm fine with being the only one to put any effort or vulnerability into this" and happily respond to a generic fishing overture?

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aradia22

aradia22

Quote

I know liking doesn't mean much

This is why I hate guys who swipe right on everyone. I get that you're not going to read every profile. That's fine. But at least only swipe on people you're attracted to or some standard like that. Still, without a better way of filtering, I write to my matches. Especially with this new thing where your messages don't show up unless there's a mutual like it doesn't make sense to put in that energy.

  • Love 2
aradia22

aradia22

Is it possible okc is tricking me? Because this is the second time I do not remember liking a guy who is apparently a mutual match (who therefore got through to my inbox). Admittedly, I do a lot of haphazard late night swiping but still... I don't know why I'd swipe right on this guy. Unless he's severely edited his profile since I last saw it. His first 4 photos don't have a clear view of his face and the only thing I connect to in his profile is that he's anti-Trump. Unmatch.

JTMacc99

JTMacc99

I have become something that's not quite bored, but definitely in that area of feeling.  I've been working on myself a bit, so no dating. I wanted to be distraction free. During this period, I've managed to get out of the house a bunch, saw some great music, drank some good drinks, talked to some interesting people. It was all very nice and good for me.

So I got to thinking, I'm feeling okay about what I wanted to do for myself, maybe I'd entertain some dating again. There has to be a population out there that aren't just looking for hook ups, but are also not looking at dating as strictly for the purpose of finding a long term relationship. Casual dates, good banter, fun stuff, it doesn't seem like such a big ask.

And God help me, for reasons I can only explain as "it seemed like a good idea at the time" I flipped on Tinder on Friday night. Put in a couple new pictures, wrote up a blurb declaring my intentions, and swiped for a bit.  I didn't do much swiping. I just cleared out the immediate 10 mile radius. I think maybe one swipe right out of 30. Then I let it sit until Saturday evening, as Tinder will organize the people I see in a way that the ones who liked me will be prioritized. I switched the radius to 30 miles. I checked to see if Tinder was going to tempt me to pay to see my likes by telling me how many likes I had collected. (High teens. The new pictures did good work.)

Went through everybody in the 30 mile radius. Probably swiped right on 5 of 300, and honestly the last couple were just because I was getting desperate. Cleaned out all but 3 of my "likes" during the process. 

Checked back in again on Sunday for a bit. A few dozen more "Back to the Loch with you Nessie" and then I deleted the damn thing. 

  • Love 2
possibilities

possibilities

Have you tried joining a group of people with a shared interest? I've met some of my best folks that way, where it feels less like a meat market and quick-judgment shop, and you get a chance to get to know people while also having fun together. I don't know what your interests are. Could be anything from a book club to a bowling league to ... well, anything. You can even start a group via Meet Up. Could be "people who want to try all the sushi restaurants in a 50 mile radius" to "weekend and evening hikers" to "movies and booze for the over 40 crowd" or "clumsy dorks who like to dance." The virtue of this approach is that (1) you know you will be doing something you find fun with people who also like doing it, (2) it's less pressure, and (3) people are inclined to like you and then might introduce you to their single friends if you don't wind up attracted to any of the people in the group.

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JTMacc99

JTMacc99

7 hours ago, possibilities said:

You can even start a group via Meet Up.

I tried Meet Up. 

Definitely not for me. There was an undercurrent of sad/lonely/bitterness running through both events I attended. To be fair, they were both Singles groups and not something like Trivia or Sushi lovers. I suppose they could be less shitty, but I got very turned off to the whole idea. If it wasn't about to dump more than a foot of snow on us tomorrow I'd be thinking about dusting off my golf clubs. It's pretty rare for me to run into any women on the golf course, but I usually end up playing with three other decent guys. I met my heating and cooling guy on the golf course. That's been a win for me, because he's great. 

Moose135

Moose135

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

I tried Meet Up. 

Definitely not for me. There was an undercurrent of sad/lonely/bitterness running through both events I attended. To be fair, they were both Singles groups and not something like Trivia or Sushi lovers.

I think the trick to Meet Up is to join a group for something you like, not a singles group.  I'm in a number of them (I'm not active in all of them) including several photography groups and a couple of aviation related.  Go to events you enjoy without worrying about meeting someone, and see what happens.  Denali's Mom, who I've been seeing for 5 months now, is someone I met through a photo Meet Up group - we shot together at a few outings and got to hanging out, and the rest is history.

  • Love 5
aradia22

aradia22

Quote

@ARADIA22 . . . wait, so you didn't see or like profiles (which I cannot blame you, given the stories), but the guys think you liked them? Shit . . . either those guys are lying (likely), or OKC is letting them slip through the cracks (also likely). If I get a like, I'd usually thank them and try to get more information.

No, when I go to look there's a mutual like. Otherwise the message wouldn't be in my inbox. But I cannot for the life of me remember swiping right on these people. And I usually remember. I mean, of course it's possible that I did swipe right and just don't remember. But I feel like I'm being gaslit. 

Also, okc definitely needs to put relationship status front and center on its swiping function on phones with all the open relationships these days... at least in my age group and area. 

possibilities

possibilities

If you don't like Meet Up, you can always post a flyer for an activity you want to do, maybe at the local library or wherever you go that has a bulletin board. Again, I agree it's best to not target singles specifically, but people with a common interest who would get together to share an activity. That way you pre-select for people who share an interest and have the time and motivation to socialize and be friendly.

Wouldofshouldof

Wouldofshouldof

I've tried several of the sites over the past 2 years.  I was hacked on Match and on POF.  On Match someone took over my account and sent messages to a bunch of men saying something like "I've found the love of my life but please give my friend Tracy a shot, here's her email, blah blah blah."  Some guys responded saying they though that was a wierd thing to do, and I had to apologize and close my account.

One guy I emailed with a few times had to go overseas for work before we ever got to meet (yeah, right), and while he was away, asked me to send him a $100 iTunes gift card for his daughter's bday.  I replied that I'd be happy to pick one up for him if he sent me the money, and I got a tirade back about how I was showing my true colors.  Uh, dude, what about your colors?!?

Another one I met on Match, had one date with, and it went nowhere.  Then I changed to POF, saw his profile there, and was amused when he contacted me like he had no idea who I was (we both had the same profile pics).  I reminded him we'd already been out and politely declined.  Oh yeah, I was also matched up with my ex husband, lol!

I am now in a committed relationship with a man I met on OKCupid.  We're moving in together this summer (and buying kayaks together - true love!).  We have both said that we see this as an end-run, long-term relationship.  I am SO happy to be off the dating sites.

  • Love 4
aradia22

aradia22

Quote

One guy I emailed with a few times had to go overseas for work before we ever got to meet (yeah, right), and while he was away, asked me to send him a $100 iTunes gift card for his daughter's bday.  I replied that I'd be happy to pick one up for him if he sent me the money, and I got a tirade back about how I was showing my true colors.  Uh, dude, what about your colors?!?

Lol, what? Such a weird scam.

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